My ex wants to have our 2.5-year old daughter overnight at Christmas. I’m worried because I’m not sure if my daughter will be comfortable enough to be able to sleep in his family’s house where he stays now. I want to tell the ex to have her during the day, but I don’t want him to think I deny him more time with our daughter. This ex left us three months ago, which left me really broken and traumatized. I’m mostly okay now, but I still have this irrational fear of seeing him, I don’t know why. Since he left, he only sees her about 2-3 times a month (either 1-hour visit or he takes her to his family then brings her back after 4 or 5 hours). Sometimes almost three weeks go by without any visit or text asking how his daughter is doing. So, I’m just wondering if I am overreacting in worrying about my 2.5-year-old spending the night in a house where she barely knows the people, even if her father would be there or her. Thank you.
Let him keep.her until bed time.
If you’re allowed to take her to your families home he should be to. This is her dad and she knows him. That’s all that matters.
just let him. if he isn’t going to harm her& you trust him. Give yourself a well earned break. He needs to allow you that life as well.
Pfft the little time he sees her I wouldn’t be putting my daughter through that.
You can’t deny him if he’s a good father- and the child is safe. Just as he can’t deny you
Honestly wouldn’t do an over night stay if you don’t feel it don’t just do a visit.
I don think its a gd idea 4 her 2 stay as she still needs u. The little time that she has with her dad i wouldnt put her through that.
You have her one year and he has her the next teach your daughter right .
Given the fact you’re questioning on FB about whether or not you should let him have his child on a major holiday because your feelings were hurt says quite a bit about why he hasn’t had more visits.
She’s his child aswell as yours let her go she will be able to bond with him more.
You don’t withhold because of your feelings. It’s his kid too.
I think you should do what’s best for your daughter. Every child deserves time with their father. It’s about her, not you.
He is her father and if he’s not a dead beat, you can not deny him time with her. You don’t have that choice unless it’s all through court and they agree with you!
He is her father. Yes she should be allowed to spend the night with him. It’s about her, not your feelings. He is just as much a parent as you are.
No i would not let her spend the nite
If the child can say anything that would be an answer “I sleep with mommy/mommy house” or “I sleep in my bed” then no child is not ready to sleep anywhere else… my 3.5 year old has only slept over one person’s house… mainly bc I know how my son is…
I mean she can only get comfortable by spending more and more time. He has every right to her as well. You will be way more affected then she will be. Had to leave my son to give birth, don’t even know if he noticed we were gone. Lol
Let him…how is this an issue? If he is regularly in her life she should know who he lives with…
She’ll be fine, let her go.
Tell him you have plans somewhere a hr away later that night
Sweetie its both of your daughter even if you dont think hes being a good father its a relationship between him and his daughter nothing to do with you let her go do the right thing so many moms thinks it up to them to decide whats best for child its really not when it comes to another parent
Ok, agree only if he lets you talk to her at/around bedtime. Her needs should be more important than family wants. If she’s unhappy staying there, then agree she gets to come home and be prepared to make sure she is content no matter what they want.
I wouldn’t send her over night. She’s to young
Did u trust him alone with her when you were together ?Yes …so trust his judgement and involvement. What if you went on vacation with her and he said “oh no i dont feel like she’d sleep there” its a ridiculous reason. It’s her father it’s christmas probably because you have her xmas eve . If you’re honestly concerned about her well being or safety that’s different but she’s gonna sleep there it’s family ,her dads there . Just ask to call to say goodnight and let him know he can call if she has a meltdown.
I wouldn’t because he sees her so little she probley wouldn’t be comfortable with an overnight stay. Tell him he’s welcome to her during the day but untill he’s more consistent and she’s comfortable with him and his family you don’t feel comfortable with him having her over night there
I dont believe she would be traumatized even if she wasn’t comfortable. If he is trying as a father, then let him have her overnight. He has just as much right as a parent as you do, regardless of your relationship with him.
I would let her as hard as it may be for you. Maybe the more time he spends with her he’ll want to be more in her life.
if theres no direct parenting order… (which there nneeds to be) you do not have too… if you think she will be uncomfortable ask her…
Its ultimately your choice… you can let her and see how it goes… me… i have four kuds three are girls… theres no way id let tgem stay at someines house if i dont know who all will be there and what they are doing… is there drug use… drinking… who is there visiting… who all will be staying the night there…who sharimg beds… my answer is no…
Get a parenting plan that states when and where she can stay… who can and cannot be there… etc
Personally, hell no. I don’t see how these other parents would be okay with it when he only sees your child 2-3 times a month and can go weeks without asking about her. She is probably barely comfortable going with him now. Maybe for a few hours on Christmas, but not the whole night
If it’s not in a legal parenting plan you can say no
Let her go. Being a parent is doing what is best for the child. It is important for a child to have both parents in their lives.
Always trust your gut feeling in every matter when it comes to the safety of the kids.
Your the one he walked away from . Screw him . No overnight at that age ,and esp . Christmas . Not this year !
I would suggest that you drop her off at 9am and pick her up in the afternoon and see how that goes
I’ve been there… let her stay the night. In my experience it was too much for my ex that he had to bring my little one back. He was 3 then. In a way… it’s going to show him that the path he’s on by not spending enough time with her is effecting her. So maybe he’ll come around more. Believe me my older son (16 and not his but he raised him) would have to pick me off the floor. Just some advice though. Get the address of where she is staying and alternate phone numbers just to be safe. Try and have him do a practice run with her staying there overnight before Christmas. Maybe he will see then she’s not comfortable and him spend more time with her so both of you will get comfortable with it.
You need to follow what ever court document you have in place. If you do not have a custody agreement you need one. You are not withholding because of your feelings towards him as one person mentioned. You are trying to do what is in the best interest of your child who happens to be 2 years old and will likely be afraid if left with him as he is not consistently present in her life. So if no agreement is in place start working on that. In the meantime tell him that he will need to do a few practice runs between now and Christmas so she can be comfortable and be prepared to pick her up in the middle of the night if you have to. Christmas is such a charged time for adults and kids. No one should expect a 2 year old to be plucked out of a stable environment and put into a strange environment just because dad walked out and has rights. She has a right to feel safe. So practice run. If he can’t agree to that then just say no and work on custody.
I think you’re projecting your feelings because you’re hurt about the break up. Let her stay the night. She will be fine. Unless he or his family proves to be a danger to her you really don’t have a legit reason to say no.
Ask the child. Kids know what they want. Especially something like that. And at that age they don’t really care about hurting feelings. Cause they don’t understand.
STUPID…If he is actually wanting her to spend the night let her. It’s her father. Sounds like you still want him to want you. If he is providing help financially and sound like he does try to see her regularly. NO NEED TO BE LIKE THESE BITTER BABY MAMAS.
Grow up.
She should be fine. Enjoy the night off. I would be cautious about calling her while he has her as it could cause her stress
Make a rule that he has to FaceTime or whatsapp you before bed and that he calls you if she is inconsolable
Nope. She’s too young. And you don’t know who’s in and out of that house. If he had his own place maybe that would be different.
Let her. She has to get used to it at some point, it’s easier when they’re younger
Let her stay the night. If she gets uncomfortable, I’m sure he’ll call you. A child deserves time with both parents 
she’ll be okay mama!
My now 10 yr old used to stay over nights at his dad’s all the time from 10m old on… He wasn’t uncomfortable there, he knew his grandparents, dad, aunts and uncles, so I never had a problem with him staying. He was EBF so didn’t do overnights til 10m, when he made it thru the night without nursing
Let her stay it’s the only way she’s gonna get comfortable!
I would let her go AFTER talking with the hosting family members and working out a plan with the dad AND them in case anything happens, write it out WITH an addendum as to roughly when she needs to be back by the following day or if she is having too hard of a time adjusting or he is having too hard of a time dealing with her adjusting this time that you, him AND them sign and give them copies as well so that everyone is on the same page and he cannot try to pull a fast one legally or at least make it harder for him to do so. I would also include something for emergencies that sttes that he CAN seek out medical care for her AND that he HAS TO tell you ASAP IF something happens so that there are not any surprises.
Dont let her sleep there. Fuck that
Make sure you have a custody agreement first
Sounds like you need to get over your fear and talk to the dad, ASK. She’s your girl too you have the right to know what’s going on there where it concerns your daughter!
To young! Pick her up at night before bed or drop her off in the am.
If he only makes an effort to see her 2-3 times a month then no I don’t think you should let let her stay the night. For one she’s probably not gonna be comfortable and 2 you’re the one that’s with her all the time a d takes care of her so you should get to keep her on Christmas.
I know it’s tough, but he has as much rights to her as you do and she has a right to be loved by his side of the family as much as yours.
She’ll never bond with her dad unless you let her. Just let her go. Unless your ex has given you real reasons not to, trust his judgment.
If you dont have a custody agreement then dont. By law he can keep her and you cant so nothing without a lawyer. My ex kept my 2 year old who had never spent 1 night away from me and I had to pay a lawyer to get him back. 6 days I will NEVER forget.
Ok… you’ve given me no reasons (abuse of any kind, no addictions of any kind ect…) so, I would let her stay with him. If nothing else it will be a learning process for him. I think it might do the two of them good. Your baby girl needs both parents and sides of the family. She’ll be ok.
Get your primary carer in place first so that they don’t keep her which he could do without custody in place. Do you trust the others in the house. Obviously you trust him or you wouldn’t hand her over for unsupervised visits in the first place. Put conditions in place. He must remain with her. You must be allowed to talk on the phone and be re assured she is happy to stay over. Get your legal in place fast. He has rights too, she is his daughter also. What is in the best interest of yer daughter.
I’d tell him forget it. He goes long periods of time without contact. And now Christmas coming he should be allowed all night. Not on your dam life buddy. You can have her for couple hours maybe.
Go with your gut. Get the visitation schedule in writing ASAP with the courts.
So y’all really think you have more authority over a child than the dad just cuz you’re mom? Some of these comments sound like you’re encouraging her to volunteer for single Parenthood. Sounds like some would rather forego a much needed break just to have control by saying no. Let him be a dad. The baby will be right. I’m pretty sure this would be the sentiment on any given day. Not just cuz it’s Christmas.
Seems like it’s more about you than your kid. That’s his child too. Maybe try to start doing a overnight here or there before Christmas. He has the same rights as you.
Have her stay the night a couple times throughout the month then see if she should be okay for Christmas. It’s not right to deny him but just in case she’s not comfortable, don’t ruin her Christmas
Id only do day time til shes older…
I wouldn’t be okay with one that young amongst basically strangers. Just because they share blood does not entitle them. You need to get comfortable with their character and the ppl they bring in and out of that house before exposing your child
She will be fine, her dad will be there and kids have sleep overs with friends and other family all the time where they don’t know everyone in the house well. Look I felt the same way when my ex left but it was just me worrying to much, I think you might be doing the same thing, let her sleep over with daddy, enjoy your night off read a book catch up on some tv or have a glass of wine. If you hold her back from going you will cause her to have anxiety about it instead of excitement about sleeping over with daddy.
Seriously? It’s her dad. And sorry you’re traumatized but your kid should be around her dad. If you get a visitation schedule he will get her overnight a lot more.
Unfortunately, regardless of what your situation with him was, he’s still her father & they have as much right to have her overnight just as mom does. Be grateful they want to love her also!
Your could try it. And if she gets upset later, and it doesn’t work out, then go pick her up. 
You being heartbroken over a breakup isn’t grounds.
Personally I would tell him he needs to step up his visitation so she is more comfortable and then let her go. This is not about you it is about her and him.
Yes you’re most definitely overreacting and being selfish in my eyes. Seems to me you are trying to find excuses to not let him have her when realistically he hasn’t done anything wrong. As you said he visits her however many times a month for between 1-5 hours depending on the situation. He is active in her life so let him continue to be. Don’t hold your daughter from him because of your own insecurities.
It’s been court ordered my sons dad can only send him 3 letters and 2 cards a year… I would do so much for my son to have a relationship with his dad… in the circumstances that he was a decent human. He’s her dad… you have the same rights, appreciate that he wants to be a father and do all you can for them to have a relationship… despite your feelings… no matter how hard it is… your daughter will thank you later in life.
Tell him day is OK but over night is a no go because he doesn’t put enough effort into creating a positive relationship with her well enough to where she knows him
Where I’m from they don’t even get over night visits through the court until the age of 3
I would say have him step up visitation. He needs to see her more than every few weeks. And try overnight a couple times before Christmas. Get her comfortable with it beforehand.
Let him have his daughter . Did he ever hurt her ? If not then let him spend time with his child. He left you not his daughter.
My youngest stayed a few places before she was a year but now at almost 3 she prefers her own bed at night so that’s a tough one
I don’t think she would be uncomfortable because she knows her dad and does deserve to know his family. On the other hand I would worry if no official custody is on file. In some states if he could keep her and not give her back. That’s just my craziness. It was a law in VA. Do your research. Have a couple meets with the family so your daughter sees you are comfortable.
He’s trying to be a good dad, just let him!!
She’s too young for overnights in a situation like yours… daytime is fine.
She’s too little…For the day ok, overnight No way
Do what you’re comfortable with. What most people fail to realize is you have feelings too. Make your choice, and don’t feel guilty. I’ve had the same problem, and my daughter still doesn’t stay the night, because I’m not okay with it. Until everyone is on the same page, holidays are mine. He’s welcome to come, but she’s staying with me. Period
I wouldnt let her stay the night. So what if he is her dad, a 1 hour visit is different than having the child in their care for the whole day/night.
He left you not her. He wants to take her which means he wants to be there and she will be fine as long as she has him there I am sure. His visitation isn’t going to be the same as if he was still living at home. I am sure he has work as well and most parents get what every other weekend if their lucky. Encourage a relationship with her dad regardless of you and him
Dad or not she barely sees him…she isnt going to be comfortable sleeping in a strange house with strange people… and clearly you know that because you are worried about it… I hate reading the comments in this thread, makes me sad that so many mothers would just ‘hand over’ their child, just because this man is the childs “dad”, even at the deprement to the childs emotional wellbeing. Dad is just a word… he doesn’t see her enough to have a stable comfortable relationship with his daughter, so why put her through the stress of an overnight stay neither you or her are comfortable with?
Let him take her. If she has a bad time, you can arrange to pick her up.
I split with my ex when my son was 18 months old. He had overnights with his dad. I just had to pump and send milk.
Have a custody agreement in place first so he doesn’t try to withhold her from you and then speak to the family and be on the same page and write stipulations down and make them sign it . Do NOT let her out of your custody until there is a court ordered arrangement in place
The courts won’t even give overnight visits until she’s 3, I’d tell him you guys already made plans but he could see her in the morning before you guys leave
That’s her dad. Get use to the idea of splitting holidays with him. She will be fine, she has to learn to adjust at some point. You can’t hold him leaving you aginst him when it comes to him seeing his child. If you don’t want to see him then have someone else do pick up/drop off for you.
I would let him. Just make sure he plays with her and keeps her entertained and gets her tired enough to sleep somewhere else. Because of course the first time she is going to be uncomfortable. I can understand how hard it would be but unfortunately or fortunately depending on the situation, you guys are split up. And you are going to have to get used to not being with her every night. 
I’m sorry but it will become easier the sooner you let it happen.
Id he hasnt cared to take her over night in the 3 mobths hes been gone and only seen her a handful lf times. Id say ok to letting her spend the day, but definitely not sleep over.
I’d say try it. Is he close enough that if she has a crying fit, he can bring her home or call you to come get her?
Wait until she is a little older for over night
What happened between you and him didn’t happen between him and his daughter. Let him take her and if she doesn’t settle then go collect her. Don’t punish her for you two splitting up
He doesn’t spend enough time with his daughter for a start he is taking the piss he can’t just decide when he wants to see her , he should have set days where he takes her for a few hours every week if possible and then when she is comfortable have her overnight but at the moment if it was me I wouldn’t allow him to have her overnight he doesn’t have a good enough relationship for that to happen yet
Let him have her all day and pick her up before bed.
I wouldn’t be comfortable with that, purely for the fact he is barely seeing her, dont get me wrong I’m very far from one of those women who withhold contact, I do everything in my power for my kids to maintain a relationship with their dads (2 eldest same dad, youngest different dad) but if he was only bothering ti see them that little amount of time in one month and at that age, I would suggest building up the time dad had them little by little, not to go from between one hour and five in a whole month to overnight x
If I was in this situation I would suggest that he has her for longer than 5 hours a couple of times, then longer a few times longer still a few times more and then progress to an overnight stay. Theres a full month until christmas so that’s enough time to get little one used to being there without you
No, not overnight yet. Just my opinion.