Do u guys have a CO?? Does it explain holidays? I think the best thing to do is to put YOUR feelings aside, and try to co-parent as good as possible. See if you guys can do a trial run with over nights on the weekend. Get her use to it. That’s her father…its shitty what happened between you and him, but that’s her dad no matter what.
How is it fair that you do the work in raising her and all the sacrifices that come with being a parent and he comes and goes as he pleases but when a special life event comes along he thinks he can have the special moments and you miss out on seeing your daughter first thing Christmas morning?
This is aside from the fact that he isn’t a constant presence in her life and overnights need to be built up to slowly and with regular, consistent contact so the child feels secure.
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You know what… my kids had sometimes daddy… I never stopped them from spending holidays with their father for two reasons…
1- ANY time he spent with our children was absolutely cherished by them… remembered fondly years later…
2- on holiday visits there’s always aunt, grandma, cousins etc ho help take care of them. In most cases they’re going to spoil the shit out of them.
My point is, if other relatives you do trust with her are there, then let that baby go. She’s going to have fun and see relatives & possibly even play with cousins her own age… dads need time too… and although he comes sparingly, you can’t penalize the child for something that the dad did or didn’t do…
And as far as anxiety seeing him, honey your feelings ceased to matter the moment your child was born. You suck up the fear, loathing, heartbreak whichever & do what’s best for your daughter. I’ve been there and done that… two of my kids are grown… it isn’t easy… but all my kids talk about are those great holidays at their grandmas with dad. 
xoxo darlin I know it’s hard being a momma sometimes.
Nope. He needs to be seeing her far more if he has over night.
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I say if you don’t feel comfortable about it, then go with your instincts. Afterwards let him know what he needs to do to make you feel comfortable with it. Tell him what you told us for a start.
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Let him have her, you’re going to have to start letting her go with him for entire weekends if you go through the courts.
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That is her Dad you absolutely need to allow her to be with her father.
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If you both were together until three months ago he definitely should be able to have her overnight. He’s been her dad that long he should be able to help soothe her
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No matter what happened in the relationship he is the child’s father. He should be just as capable of caring for his child as the mother. Has he avoided overnights because of your fear, has he ever asked before?
Maybe he’s trying. Its only been a few months. Maybe had having just as hard a time seeing you too.
He also has other family there for any help needed. As long as their was no abuse or danger to the child then she will be fine with her father and part of her family.
Believe me, a father being there is just as important as mom beimg there.
I have seen the pain and damage it causes a father to be kept from his own son.
Reasons like this are why it should be handled through court. He would already be entitled to overnight visits. Even babies are. Dads should have equal time even overnights. I think its sad that so many dads only get every other weekend with their own children.
Just another perspective.
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No. He sees her when it’s convenient for him while you’re doing all the leg work of raising her. I’ll be damned if I let him have her Christmas Eve for the first overnight. He’d have to take me to court because it ain’t happening
Trust your mom intuition. There is no over reacting to knowing your daughters needs.
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I don’t get some of u ladies . He was good enough to be her father and be with u and her every night when you were together but now ur broken up she can’t stay the night . Give me a break
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No where in this post did u say he was a bad father or his family weren’t good people
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I wouldn’t have her sleep over, if it was court mandated I would, but he doesn’t cost now it’s still a month away. If he doesn’t visit in the next month I’d so no completely for Christmas, it’s not fair…
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Idk shes 2 and half Nd you only been broken up for 3 months so like she knows him very well already… I would let him have her over night.
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It’s his daughter too…
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No just because he wants to play dad for his family nope. If he wants to do overnights then he needs to set a solid visiting schedule so your toddler has a routine. That’s not healthy on toddler and not fair to you as you do all the care taking when he just comes and goes as he pleases. Nope you get the final say and I would say no
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I would do a trail run before Christmas. See if she will stay.the night then go from there good for you for not saying no. To him , even though everything in your body screaming hell no probaly . never use children as revenge against the other parent it’s not fair. To the child. It’s not there fault. So good for you for keeping open mind
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You can’t deny him visitation with his daughter. On one hand your complaining that he isn’t consistent with visits. He is her father. Let her go. You and her will be fine.
Instead of complaining on here. Talk to HIM. Say, hey EX…we need to co-parent this child now. How about you take her every other weekend? Every Wednesday night you take her to dinner?
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I know i am going to get a bunch of crap for this… Make him show you he can take care of her. It is about the child not you and him. I mean dont start by spending the night but do things to get there. You as a mom have to feel comfortable where your baby is.
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He is her dad. If y’all just split a few months ago and she is almost three, then she should know him and his family. Kids need their daddies, too.just because y’all didn’t work out doesn’t mean he automatically is a shit dad. Don’t be that mom. And if you are going to be, there is a month before then, start letting him around consistently so if by some chance she’s not now, she will be comfortable by then.
If you would trust your spouse to take your child there before the separation then honestly it shouldn’t be any different now.
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Let him keep his daughter. U get Christmas Eve night and early morning and he gets Christmas Day and Christmas night . U have to share it’s his kiddo too . If she is with dad and is usually comfortable with him then she should be okay. And even soo let him know if she has any trouble that u will be on standby in case he needs u to bring her back home to u and the comfort of her own home.
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His family is also your daughters family lovely. It gets easier and you will be more confident with the whole situation in time. I felt the same back when I went through this. It took time and then it got to the point I would be throwing my child at my ex and running down the path. ( chill out this is added for effect, I never really threw my child it was more like a bowling ball roll).
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He needs to be consistent in her life all the time. I hope he gives you money for diapers, food etc. Tell him to be a Dad and take her more often to visit before Christmas. He seems like he enjoys his freedom and needs to be a responsible Dad. I think he should get her only for part of the day. Maybe allow him to take overnight Christmas Eve and you get her early afternoon?
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Considering everything you just said I’d say definitely not. I feel like she’s just a bit too young. I’d make arrangements to take her myself to visit them on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day but not overnight and not without me there.
Yes she should stay. You guys literally just broke up, you both need time to work things out, to get over the sadness and anger of a break up. But don’t take it out on the kid, because in the long run, your only hurting her. It’s his child too, you wouldn’t like it if it was the other way around.
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He left you not his daughter, that hurts but why punish her because the adults do not get along, what are the adult behaviors when he does come around,
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I would let her spend the night. The only way she will ever be comfortable and get to know that side of the family, is if she spends time there. It being Christmas and most of his family will be present, I would find more peace sending her knowing there are more helping hands around, also knowing he might be on his p and q’s knowing his family is watching how he acts with her.
Let me just say this. YOU ARE NEVER TOO YOUNG TO SPEND THE NIGHT AT YOUR PARENTS HOUSE
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I want to say I find this disgusting you take his child support don’t you? You want what he offers but try to withhold his child because you don’t feel comfortable. It’s not fair to him or the child. He is the father and has rights. Wish I knew his name because I would send him a message with all the stuff I have went through and how to make sure that he sees and gets time with his daughter. One day you will realize how selfish and ignorant you were but it will be too late.
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Umm my son and my husband daughter have been sharing holidays with our exs since they where young. It happens with court orders. There great our kids and we miss when one is not with us but it is what it is and they love it.
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No. It could be a long-lasting trauma for a child that age. She’s the one that matters most in this scenario. Let him continue with daytime visits when it works for your daughter & you. Let her be the one to decide when she’s ready for overnights.
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At her age she is a bit young for over nights…Better to be safe than sorry. My daughter allowed her young daughter to go to her dad’s for over nights when she was young…until…while with her Dad a cousin (also 2 ) came over…well her dad and his family got to talking and not really paying attention to the kids. The boy cousin got a hold of a hammer and started swinging it around .When someone mentioned that he had a hammer his mom said “Oh ,it’s O.K. we let him play with one at home, he won’t get hurt.” About the time she said that he FLUNG that hammer and it hit my grand daughter in the face and blackened her eye (she almost lost her vision because of that.) My daughter was appalled and sorry she let her even go. Since this was not an isolated incident (My sweet grand baby had come home from previous visits, with stomach flu a couple of times as well as lice and various cuts and bruises) She contacted D.S.S. afterwards and the social worker told my daughter that if she ever let her daughter go over again for an over night that SHE (my daughter) would be charged with child abuse and then she ( the social worker) filed a petition with the court forbidding my grand daughter from any more over night visits… Her dad didn’t like it but it was safer for my grand daughter. My daughter told her Ex that he could visit his daughter at her house but he didn’t like that and he hasn’t seen his daughter in over 10 years.Your baby is more precious than any over night Daddy visits yet.
Ummm with everything you just said common sense says absolutely not! If he isn’t even taking the time to ask about his daughter in almost a months time, no. Does she know who he is when he is around?! If he’s around very minimal that’s a very questionable time for her. Do you know his family? Etc.
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My current husband never gets his daughter on x mas his ex refuses us extra time and refuses us any holidays . It’s horrible she’s asks to stay and her mother just Straight our refuses she’s not following the court order at all . Don’t deny him time with his daughter it’s so important that those bonds are made and kept I know it’s hard I get it I had to deal with your situation with my own ex . Trust me watching my husband and other children and myself be upset and heartbroken because we don’t have her because her mother is being difficult it hurts really bad .
I’m not trying to be mean but please for the child try to let her maintain a good bond .
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if she doesn’t know him and it’s his fault she doesn’t know him the mom shouldn’t force her daughter to be uncomfortable and scared out of sympathy for a man who doesn’t try to be a part of his daughters life. It sounds like he wants her over to save face for his family. To show how good of a “dad” he is.
Yes. Don’t keep her from him. If he wants an hour give him an hour. If he wants a night, give him a night. He’s her dad.
No way. He seed her 3 times a month? Why does he want her for Christma? He left you and her. It’d your decision. I’d say no
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Maybe say That you’d rather have introduced overnights before Christmas rather than just doing it for Christmas. Just explain it’s a fairly new set up and as your first Christmas apart you’d like her at home for bedtime and then he can build up his relationship with her and have her overnight so by next Christmas it’s become the norm so you will know she will feel comfortable. Children can make associations with Christmas’s and birthdays etc so if it’s going be uncomfortable or out of the normal routine she is used to Christmas isn’t the time to trial it or be doing it for the first time.
I’m speaking from a different perspective I have full custody of my nephew and have done since he just turned 2. His birthday is very close to Christmas and I do a supervised contact visit between his birthday and Christmas with his parents I have refused to plan a contact on the day of either event as I don’t want any negative association with either of the days. They generally turn up and it gos relatively well but I can see he’s uncomfortable and not quite himself so I don’t want any anxiety surrounding his birthday and Christmas both of which have a big build up to them that is supposed to be exciting.
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maybe try a trial night before xmas for a few nights and see how it goes so she will feel more comfortable when xmas arrives
My kids are older now and i still get nervous when they arent with me and they are with their father its just a parent thing i guess…what i told my kids father was if the kids arent comfortable staying overnight at a new place then call me and ill talk with them and see if that works if not then id go get them if he couldnt handle it…you won’t know if she will be comfortable unless u try and see…Im sure since she does go with him some days out the month u trust him enough to have her without u there so let him try he isher daddy and at least hes doing more than most these men do now a days some wont even speak to their kids
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I’m sorry that your hurting. That is such a awful feeling and I’m glad that I never have to make decisions for myself and my kids like that again. I have been wrong and I have been right with dealing with ex’s and the babies. Now I can only share my own lessons learned. Only you can choose. You seem to get that you maybe projecting your feelings over your break up over to the choices you have and to me that in its self is a great thing. You are always going to worry it’s in your job discription as mom. But dad’s relationships with there children are equaling as important. While it will be a big change for all concerned. And your daughter might be uncomfortable but it’s something dad’s can usually can handle and they will have to work on their own relationship. And the sooner they work on it the easier it will be for both of them. Just as your ex and you will have to learn how to coparent together. Just remembered that a child can never ever have to many people love and care for them and it will only help her grow into s better person knowing that both her parents want to share life with her and hope fully it will work out that you will have a friendship with the Ex. Just sayin
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Let him have her and try it. It won’t hurt her. She’s needs to be use to her father just as much of this is going to be her new reality now. I doubt he’s gonna just close her off in a unfamiliar room… he’ll be there with her. And worst case he can call u and bring her home… just keep yourself on “stand by” to go get her if need be if you’re that concerned. And u should suggest to him that he should have her more often even overnite between now and Christmas so she’s use to it. Waiting all the way til Christmas to do it is odd
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It’s her dad, he should need your permission.
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I don’t see a problem with it. As long as she seems comfortable with her dad. Being in unfamiliar spaces is not abnormal for kids or parents to have difficulty coping with. It can be hard not to transfer our own feelings… <3
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Maybe he senses your hesitation or just figures you’ll say no. Letting my littles go with their dad overnight was very hard at first. I’m very glad I did because they had a wonderful relationship. He passed away when they were 4 and 6. I have nothing to regret…
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He needs to be more consistent with visits and provide a stable comfortable environment
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I don’t think it’s a good idea. She is to little to understand and with his record of leaving and sporadic visits I think would be a trust issue.
You are fine to be worried. I would have a conversation for clarification.
Don’t let her stay. Word of advise because if she starts crying you don’t how he will react some guys get frustrated and will yell at them or want to spank them because they won’t stop and she will be in a strange house she will cry. You want your child to be safe. And there is some dads that only want to be dads on holidays not day to days good and bad things
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Try. If not he can call you to pick her up
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You have to let him try. If he has problems he will most likely call you. He was good enough to make a baby now let him be dad
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Explain it to him the way you did it here. Maybe have a trial run to see how it works.
It is extremely important for your little to be comfortable. From what I understand your ex does not spend enough time with her currently to give her full comfort levels (depending how they actually interact with each other) for her to spend a night alone with him. You cannot deny him however u never gonna know if u dont give him that opportunity. Depending how far he stays from you, assure him and her that he can bring her anytime during the night home to u if she is at all uncomfortable or hysterical (depending how much of time she has actually spent time away from u overnight).
If you don’t have any custody agreements through the courts, you may want to do that first.
Your daughters relationship is not your relationship with your ex. He should have just as much time with her dad as she has with you. She should be allowed to have over nights with her dad, you should let her go.
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You need to put your feelings aside for the sake of the child. Her relationship with her father has nothing to do with your feelings towards him. I saw my husband go through the same thing. In the long run it’s just hurting the child. At first my husband didn’t visit much because of his ex wife. He started having his sister pick up his child and bring her to him so he didn’t have to see his ex and visitation became regularly after that.
Unless he’s ever put her in an unsafe situation, I’d let him take her. It’s his child too and she needs to know her family. Don’t make your daughter pay the price because her parents didn’t stay together. It’s not her fault.
GEEZE,she knows he’s her Dad, and Dad’s have rights too
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I’d say share your concerns with your ex. And make it known that if she decides she doesn’t want to stay then he can bring her home or call you. But definitely let her go and try it out. Dads tend to get the crap end of holidays and that’s not right for the child/children or the other parent.
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Still plenty of time until chrismas. You could discuss the matter with the child’s father. I would just tell him that he needs to come get her more often throughout the day. That way she will be comfortable to spend the night for Christmas. Maybe he could for the next 2 weeks come get her 2 to 3 days per week during the day. Then after that start letting her spend the night to see how she does.
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Until there IS a problem, encourage the relationship.
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Id say no just cause the inconsistency
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let him have her! Why not??
If you deny your child, I don’t care what age they are, time with their other parent… YOU WILL LOSE in the long run!
Your child will resent you and your relationship will always be strained.
You need to learn how to co-parent, FAST!
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let her go. let her bring something of yours sweater scarf roll on oil. text and check in after a few hours. etc shes still
little so it might actually be ok. but do not interfere… im the stepmom and one thing i didnt stand for was the ex thinking something like this would do more harm than good… i stepped up because my husband didnt want to cause an issue and would just back down, now for the first time in 6 years holidays are being shared and figured out and weekend times are being compromised and such. she still has her me moments and his daughter still has i want my mom moments but we explain and discuss how divorce works and her time w mom and her time with dad and when she acts out about it its not fair to either and its not nice-mainly for dad because mom has fought him soo hard for 4 years now on all this… she actually thought dad was a horrible dad for awhile and it all came from mom… so just let his time be his time… when shes older and she starts questioning why hes only around here and there then you can talk to him or her about the issue but for now dont take for granted or put up a fight about him coming around. just handle the times that he does and go about your day. if its going to become an issue then take him to court and get custody arranged so hes either “forced” to come around more or he wont be allowed to with too many documented back outs or no shows… divorce or break ups w kids is only as hard as you make it…
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This is hard. As a father, I fought for every moment I got to spend with my little girl. To me it seems that he only wants his daughter when he has time, or it’s convenient for him. This isn’t a parent! I spend a lot of time with my little girl and always make time for her. This has given us a strong bond and I’m greatful for it. To me I say don’t let her go. Let her spend time with you cuz you truly want her in your life!
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Allow it, he, they, will have a lovely time 
It might pave the way for a better co-parenting journey in 2020 x
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That is her family, let her be with them. Dont ever deny that. Take your feelings of hurt out of the equation. I dont mean to sound harsh, but it’s not about you, its about her and keeping a relationship with her father and that side of her family. If he decides not to spend as much time with her, that’s on him. You dont want your daughter to ever look back on growing up and think that mom ever had anything negative about preserving that relationship.
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He has a right to have his daughter … your feelings toward him shouldnt interfere with that.
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Do a trial run on Christmas Eve. Maybe that can be their trandition. I would let her know you will come get her if she wants. That’s what we did the first time our kids spent the night at their grandparents. Our son was 2.5 also and was fine, but my kids are super comfortable with them. Maybe you can sleep on the couch or let him sleep on yours if you dont want to be away from her.
Do what is best for your Daughter not Dad. She does not need to spend the night there as she has no routine in doing so. She will not remember it and so it is for him not her. I know it is just one night but it serves no purpose. He is not responsible and should not be trusted to have her overnight at this time. My ex would take my son and dump him on his parents just so I wouldn’t have him with me. His Mom finally told him no more. She knew that she could have my son anytime on her terms so she stopped letting him do this to all of us. Loved my ex-in laws like grandparents, they both died when my son was 7. Be at peace and follow your gut instincts.
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As a mom to 3 kiddos I would never deny the time with there dads. If hes never harmed her and she is well with him then let him have this moment with her. They dont stay young forever and these moments when their young some dads dont even get. Your fear will be there even if it’s not her dad. But it will be ok
She will be ok
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Hard situation. On his side: parenting is not about picking and choosing. You can not just be there when you want to and esp pick the good times like important holiday moments. They are only young one. Yes it’s his child too and yes he should see her. However why is he not seeing her on the regular already If this is of importance? Sounds like the family wants to see her more than him by your explanation. Also it sounds like she’s never stayed away there and it may be uncomfortable! So why now? I would have to say no by my better judgment on this time. Get together a parenting plan. Put your personal feelings aside though. That won’t help you any if it’s over for good! Move on! Get a visitation schedule agreed upon including holidays and if you can’t do it together for the new coming year have the courts do it. Best of luck!
You could do a trial run before. Just to see how she reacts
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I woukd do a trial run before hand and see that way if it dont work her xmas is not ruined and she dont associate trama and xmas
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I say let her if she doesn’t feel comfortable let ex know to call you so you can talk to her.
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Do what is best for child. As some suggested you can to a trial run and if at any time she wants to come home he either brings her or you go get her. If he doesn’t agree to this than do some more thinking. Put a side how you feel bc in long run he will either realize that he has this precious gift and want to spend more time with her or he will lose in long run. Make his visits as pleasurable as possible so that he can’t say well you are trying to block him as a dad. But it is normal for you to feel this way.
You have to let her go. Do not interfere with their relationships. If he is a deadbeat she will learn on her own. Trust me on this one. For some reason kids love the crap out of their dads at a young age no matter what he does. But at some point they learn on their own. I was like that as a kid and my youngest son was like that as well. My mom never got in our relationship and I never got in my sons and his dad!!! Let her go!!!
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Why don’t you have him come over to your place in the am and enjoy her there and after that if wants take her his family for a few hours let him
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Question? How far apart do y’all live from each other? If she hasn’t been used to staying overnight, then let her spend the whole day and then let her bring her home in the evening! Then she has two
Christmases! 2.5 years old is still a young age to sent off to a strange place to spend the night. If she has routine things at home and then is suddenly put in a new place, new bed, new people, that could be more traumatic. But I would definitely let him have the whole day with her!
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Sounds like he only wants her to show her off because its Christmas.
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Life is a chance… you can deny him… and possibly lose your daughter later…
It comes down to trust… is it between you two or your daughter and him… will he take her or are you afraid you will lose her?
If she is not completely comfortable with him I would definitely say no. Otherwise you could make a deal with him to bring her home if she can’t go to bed and drop off to sleep. If he loves her he can do that
Take a chance. If it don’t work you know what to do the next time.
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Let her go. If she acts out, well he gets to be a parent
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I would let him have Christmas Day with her but not overnight. If he really sees her so little, it sounds like it may be his parents that want her there. Go with your gut–don’t let Christmas be ruined for any of you.
Explain it to him just as you did here
She won’t know these people till she’s allowed to go over there
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Well 2 sides to every story and then the truth… question is do you make visits a nightmare for him?Are you “one of those” women who have to control your ex? Is he a working man and has to see his kid when he can? Does he have the means to go see her? You paint him with a negative brush and lite up your own heart break.
The smartest thing for you two and the courts will agree is to split the holidays. One Christmas/Thanksgiving/Easter with you next with him etc.
This is a child not a pawn.
Do you know his mom? Or whoever he is staying with. Sounds like they’ll be taking care of her and not him. Sucks, but if he’s never hurt a child, hasn’t abusive, mentally or physically, I saw let her go. If it’s his mom he’s staying with, reach out to her. Ask her things like, “she uses this soap for baths, should I send some for you guys” “she normally goes to bed at x time, her routine is this” " if she feels home sick at all, no matter what time you guys can call and I can tell her a story, sing, etc" “I so hope this goes really well so she can enjoy more time with all her family”.
I wouldn’t let her stay. That’s just me. Especially if she doesn’t have her own bed.
If three weeks can go by where there’s no visits between them or him even asking how our child is, then no, I wouldn’t be sending my child to spend the night. He has all this other time to be a father on a daily basis, NOT when it’s convenient for him or his family.
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Have him join her at your home. Let him make a pallet and wake up in your daughters house. Include him as much as possible. Your daughter will thank you and he will forever be in gratitude . You will be the hero in EVERYONES eyes and the leader in being a friend that a friend would like to have
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I would tell you to listen to your gut. But I’m biased to the mother’s side at the moment because my soon to be ex husband is hiding our son from me at our parents house right now.
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I think you should ask him to stay over and spend it all together and if not then let him have her this year and you have her next year. It won’t hurt her to be around more loving family.
Maybe try sending her for a night before xmas comes to see how she handles it?
If she has a rough time you could always pick her up…just let him know u wanna do a trial run first to see how she deals
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In South Africa there is a law if you are the babies primary caregiver the baby sleeps with you every night and only when the child is 4 it can sleep at the fathers house. If the child goes to a child phycolgist they would tell you about child attachment. Sometimes the child is very attached to the mother that it really depends when the child is ready.
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Not saying don’t let him have her but Christmas day for the first time …hell no … I’d allow him to come to yours early so he’s there when she wakes and discuss a more structured access routine before letting her stay overnight .
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