My ex wants primary custody: Advice?

I’m getting a divorce, and my ex has filed a response to my motion finally. He is asking to be her primary custodian and that I pay him child support, but we would have joint custody. I do have an attorney, and the county that I live intends to go more towards joint custody. She is almost two, and we just separated a few months ago, but I’m wondering why he would be requesting to be considered her primary custodian? I have done this before with my son, but his dad was not around and ended up losing custody altogether for about two years, so this situation is all new to me. The only reason I am thinking of arguing this joint physical custody is that I want her to be home with her brother (my son) so they don’t have to be apart too much, and he is already upset and confused enough about the whole situation, so I want to do more of a 70/30 type of situation which is what my son does. Has anyone been through this and can tell me what it would mean if he was the primary custodian? He is requesting child support too, but that is a joke because he makes way more than me, and he lives in another town about 40 mins from us. Her daycare is in my town.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex wants primary custody: Advice?

There’s gotta be more to the story

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If he get that he can’t make all the decisions for her not.u I would not go for that

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It’s normal. The lawyers always make the dad or mom to file full custody. It’s a bargaining tool. Don’t worry about it.

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You should fight to be primary custodial parent.hes probably up to something sneaky. Let him get her every other weekend. Dont let him talk you into anything you dont want.you should ask for chid support and ask that he pay half for college when that time arrives.

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He should get 50/50, and no child support for either

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He just doesn’t want you to have her it sounds like. Unless you’re unfit he won’t get her.

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Because he dosnt want to have to pay you don’t let him do it a little girl needs her mom!

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Not trying to be mean, but if the only reason you’re wanting to fight his request on doing that is so your kids can be together more and not the fact that like maybe you’d like to have your child
More, then maybe you should let him take it.

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My ex husband and I hv joint and he still has to pay me child support bc he makes way more than me…it’s only $75 a week but the judge said the children deserve to have the same lifestyle in both homes

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Child support is just a mathematical formula, who ever ends up the domicile parent will be the one to receive it. Doesn’t matter who makes more. The formula determines your financial obligation.

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There definitely has to be more to the story. He must think he has a good shot at getting primary custody for a valid reason.

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Should be 50/50 no child support

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You be primary custodial parent, and do 50/50 on visitation. No child support. You provide when the child is with you, and same for him. So, no child support. Fight this what he’s wanting. Don’t go for that.

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She needs to be with her sibling full time. That is why she knows. Taking that away from her plus having you separated may be too much.

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A judge could do a week on week off if they wanted to. I would hire a Guardian Ad Litem to help the case. They interview everyone, tour homes, and make an informed decision.

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He has just as right to have primary custody and you do. I don’t get why everyone always thinks the mother is more important. I also don’t get why people think dads are up to something because they want their own kids

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I’d do 50/50 I do 50/50 with my ex husband and the higher income earner pays child support. Breakups wen it comes to children are always very bitter for the 1st few months it will settle. Me and my ex husband don’t stick to the court order anymore… I mean we still do 50/50 but if he wants a extra day or I do we are happy to do that or on his days I just want 1 child to have a 1 on 1 day with them we do that to.

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50/50… that way no child support.

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He doesn’t want to have to pay you child support.

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Most judges lean tords joint custody, it’s better to have two parents involved for the sake of the children. Don’t stress to much.

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He is definitely up to something sneaky. Mine has been fighting for full physical custody because he doesn’t want to pay child support. Fight hard! While father should have parenting time, unless you are an unfit parent, you should work to convince the court that it’s in your child’s best interest to remain with you.

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50/50 is HARD on kids. I have four. My ex and I tried this for over a year and it really was just too hard on them and they’re older (10,12,12,and 14)

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Yes sounds like dad doesn’t want to pay any support … she’s right by feeling her daughter should be home with her brother more of the time its important for siblings to have the bond . Also I don’t believe shes leaving anything out other than maybe he’s mad she cheated on him or something but it doesnt seem to me that shes a bad mom and not all men seek to have their children for good reasoning they sometimes just dont want the financial responsibility of child support

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One of my son’s friend has San that him and his ex split custody. They get him every other week but he pays child support

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Unless he has evidence showing that your unfit then they give you custody and he’ll have every other weekend and he will also be put on child support.

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There is more to this story.

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Even with 50/50 if he makes way more than you, you are entitled to child support. Child support is to maintain the childs life in both households. It’s not about you or him. Fight for primary custody, it really doesn’t change much you still have to consult him with all her medical, schooling and child care. Me myself would never give up primary… For fear of loopholes in the system.

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To bad kids always have to suffer

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Again if he’s asking for child support there’s more to the story, im going to make a hypothesis, which is, you probably ask for money or clothes or diapers for the child therefore he thinks you’re unfit to have her 100% of the time, otherwise he wouldnt/shouldnt be asking for child support

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That’s the father he deserves just as much time with her as you do you sound selfish its not about her brother when it comes to custody its about you him and her. It also doesn’t matter who makes more you both have obligations to support the child.

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Al these comments about 50 50 no support, that’s not how it works. It should be but isn’t they still make the party that makes more pay support

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I’m a mother but that doesn’t mean I believe a mother has all the rights. Honestly, we don’t know the whole story. You wanting 70/30 might be the reason he’s requesting to be primary custodian. And just because he’s primary custodian doesn’t mean he won’t let you split time with your daughter fairly. Yes it’s a not ideal situation. But dads have just as much right as moms and they are just as important as well. My son has a brother from his dad side, we split one week me and one week him. That doesn’t mean if he wants to keep him longer for some reason he can’t, and same with me. I say try for 50/50. That’s fair. And if it’s 50/50, there really shouldn’t be any child support going either way. He takes care of her when she’s with him and you take care of her when she’s with you. Childcare can be split between you two.

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The way my lawyer put it, fight for what you want. Similar situation. He said my case would look good cuz I had a son already (which they call an “anchor baby”) and judges dont like to separate young siblings.

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I hate to say it BUT if he has a attorney and he’s going for primary custody he most likely has something on you that his attorney is aware of and believes he can win the primary custody of said child. Attorneys are normally straight up, or at least mine have been. I’d ask you’re attorney for advice. I feel like half the story is missing here.

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I personally don’t feel like a child should automatically go to the mom just because they’re the mom. If the father can provide a better life for the child, then the father should be their primary guardian. If he’s filing for primary, it’s because he feels he can provide better. There’s definitely more to the story, though.

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Primary custodian would make legal and medical decisions I think. My state has legal and then physical custody, so I could be wrong.

Most lawyers will tell you to ask for full everything in the hopes that the agreement will meet somewhere in the middle. If you both ask for full custody and guardianship, and you are both completely fit parents, the judge will likely award 50/50 custody and guardianship

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Is he A good dad? I mean… There’s always the chance he loves his child and wants to raise her too. :roll_eyes: some people just always assume the worst

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Primary custodian is primary residency. Meaning he wants her to live with him

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Always go for full everything, always!!!

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Your already the custodial parent to one child. He would have to come up with some pretty hard evidence of why he should be the primary parent to get the court to do it. I figure the only reason would be he doesn’t wanna pay child support so he would have to have her more time than you. The court typically doesn’t like splitting children up either. Let your lawyer do the work and try not to stress to bad.

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Everybody saying there must be more to the story and he must have something on her to request primary… that simply isn’t always true. Some times, either parent, will try demand this just to hurt the other parent. He may be a narcissistic type that thinks he can bully her into doing what he wants and hurt her as much as possible just to punish her for the break up. It’s happened more than once to people in my life.

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A bargaining tool that a lot of people use is to ask for way more than what you really want and hopefully you’ll come out close to what you’re wanting.
So maybe he’s really looking for 50/50
If that does happen you’ll still get child support since he makes so much more money than you

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Fight for primary joint period. Hes just trying to control you.

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He obviously doesn’t agree with 70/30 & that’s fair, He is dad after all and has just as much right to her as you do also he would most likely love to have her around a lot more than 30% of the time

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He doesnt wana give you money would be my guess but i think 50/50 split for physical/decision making custody is more fair. That’s his kid too and it’s great he hasn’t just walked away.

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He wants child support from you and doesn’t wanna pay you child support.

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If he is a good dad, why not agree on 50/50? He has just as much right to her, as you do.

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The child needs to be with her father. You’re taking time away because of your other kid? That’s not the other father’s nor your daughters fault. Selfish

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Primary custody is the parent the child lives with. He’d take on all the responsibilities and your daughter would come visit you…that’s why he says child support. Do he think he’s a better parent than you? Do he not want to pay you child support? Who decided to leave/was a divorce what you both decided on? Is he upset at you over something you did? We don’t know him, you, nor what caused the divorce to really be able to give direct advice. Good luck.

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That said child will live with him but with joint custody you both have say over said child which is 50/50.

It would make him primary caregiver and he would have her more than you would. Basically it’s like switching traditional roles of mother being the full time parent and father the non full time and having weekends and summers. In ga you can have joint legal meaning both parents have equal rights however the primary custodial parent gets overall say in decision making if you disagree. Also primary custodial gets the financial benefits of child support as well as tax filing for dependents. In GA you have 30 days to respond or a request for default judgement or judgement be request by the judge to decide if a response was filed in the allotted time you have to go through mediation. If things cant VW agreed upon you go to court and a judge decides based on what is presented. Usually if there is a sibling even if not full blood, judges prefer not to separate unless theres good reason or proof of neglect or irresponsibility. But they also consider both incomes when deciding support as well. If you have a lawyer discuss it, but if you dont want her living with him you need to fight for full custody and you the custodial parent.

Get a lawyer.
50/50 isn’t ideal but can be what’s best for the child depending on each situation. You could both be joint managing conservators and neither pay child support but both contribute 50/50 to costs such as health care, day care etc.

He likely does not want to pay support.

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Not sure if your state, but if you refuse he has to prove you’re unfit… which is costly and timely. I will say, from experience, that 50/50 sucks if you can’t co-parent well together.
Also, you need to call out EVERYTHING you’ll share expenses on and how long the other has to pay back. Thing is, if you don’t state it you have to file with the court again. I know someone that in their decree it states they are to track expenses and review every 30 days, and then they have 15 days to pay to make it even. After that the person who is owed can collect late fees. Once she had to have the county garnish his wages for him note paying up and the county tacked on 10% late fee to the overall because it called it out in the decree.
A lot of decrees (mine) call out who has to do what, but fails to say what happens if they don’t. Call it out! My ex stopped paying on our daughter’s braces. I would have had to pay it or they would have refused to take them off. I didn’t have the money! I had to play dirty to get him to pay up (I called his mom).
If you have friends that are divorced with kids, ask them what they’d do differently!

Would you be okay only have your child 30% of the time?

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He just wants the money.

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Do 50-50 and don’t pay each other child support. Solves that real quick

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All valid points.

All I can see right off is perhaps state assistance ie: food stamps, Medicaid, child support, energy assistance voucher, things of such …but if he makes too much or even comfortably enough then he can count all that out, esp the stamps and tanf check (which is like monthly income):thinking:
OH and tax purposes,:smirk:, that’s probably what it really is! To be able to claim her and acquire the additional “child credits” we may or may not be receiving up until December 2021.:+1:t5:

These are all STRONG possibilities​:100::unamused:

Some of y’all honestly think he’s being reasonable?:thinking: Reasonable would be if he said 50/50 custody and they will both be financially responsible for the little girl while she’s in their care. But he’s asking for 70/30 AND child support when he makes much more money than her. TBH, it sounds like he’s trying to be vindictive and petty. :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Get your attorney and go for full custody and be done with his ass. I know for a fact that if your child doesn’t go to daycare you have to pay for it. She’s too little. Give him every other weekend.

Most states use the 'best interests of the child" guidelines. There are 13 factors considered and somebody assigned by family court weighs each parents contributions to each of the factors…Some factors both parents come out equal some factors is in favor of one parent…The final result is either both parents come out equal in all 13 factors or 1 parent comes out ahead & that parent usually gets physical custody of the child. That old rule that a parent must be proved unfit to lose custody is long gone in an initial custody case where custody has never been established but definately rings true after custody has already been established and the other parent is trying to change it…

Get a court appointed lawyer…judge normally will keep child with the mom unless unfit. Good luck

They don’t like to split up siblings either

Uselly the judge will give the mom primary custody of the child unless she is an unfit parent. In your case I think u will have the primary custody of her and he will have to pay u child support and depending on how long you guys were married and what state u live in he would have to pay u alimony

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I have full custody of my boys and the courts said if we agreed to child support that I WOULD have had to pay HIM $88 a month. For kids that I have custody of…

It’s usually bc they don’t want to pay support, and or control

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He is up to something and yes he dont want to pay child support…

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I would not give him primary custody of my child he would get the standard visitation and pay his child support period.

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Speaking from personal experience I have 3 kids, 2 to the same dad and my oldest to a different dad. My younger 2 live with me full time and spend the weekends with their dad my oldest lives with his dad 2 hours away and I see him every 3rd weekend so he doesn’t miss out on too much sport and I get half the holidays. Make it work for everyone. No need to be selfish… Kids should always come first, weather they have siblings or not. Dad’s have rights too and if he’s a good dad what’s the real problem???

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Been there and still there til this day. He filed for full custody. Message me if you have questions! Hope it all works out Lil mama!

I really think that compromise is going to be key here. I understand that your situation is very different than mine, but maybe more of a 60/40 type situation where you would keep her 4 days out of the week and try to arrange the other 3 days with her father when your son is also with HIS father. Also I would definitely want to be primary custodian ALWAYS, but maybe throw in there that you will not ask for child support since the custody would be very close to 50/50 and you’re more interested in having your daughter be with her brother more often than you are getting any financial help. That way you can enroll her in your school system and he can’t up and move 2 hours away and enroll her in a different school and make it way more difficult on you to do pickups and drop offs. Usually when you let someone go on the money, they are willing to work with you on other things. I think that’s a fair compromise. He is still getting almost equal parenting time and while he won’t get child support, he honestly shouldn’t need it, and he will have a guarantee that you won’t pursue child support from him. You get your primary custodian status and for your daughter to be with her brother more often than not. I feel like that’s a win-win unless you are really reliant on that child support money. Although I realize I probably am just a hard-headed and prideful person in this situation, but I would rather keep my kids full time and not get paid a dime to do it than to share custody and get paid any amount of child support, no matter how much. I also say that coming from a COMPLETELY different situation than you. My children’s father is no longer a fit parent and although we don’t have a custody agreement on the books, he knows that my children are going to stay with me 100% of the time and that is honestly what is best for them. He would never win any kind of custody battle with me and at best you would get supervised visits which is what he has now basically, but I get to be the one who supervises and that makes it much easier on him not having to follow any set schedule. He is more than welcome to see them anytime he wants to visit which is not very often. As it is I have to go out of my way to go get him because he no longer has a car and I kind of supervise the visits in a way because they never last very long anyway and he is an active addict. I always do everything in my power to nurture the relationship between my children and their father. Even if that means spending my own gas money to go and get him and taking time out of my day to do that, while getting no child support. Like I did on mother’s Day because he finally called after a month of nothing… I’d rather take zero money from him and have my children grow up knowing that I did everything in my power to nurture and encourage a relationship between them and their father. Your daughter does need her father in her life and if he is willing to be there that is honestly a blessing. As much as I would absolutely hate sharing custody of my children with anyone, if he was a fit parent I would do so in a heartbeat because I know it is what is best for my children, to feel loved on both sides equally and to know that both parents are working together in a mature manner to do what’s best for them.

That Child Tax Money Coming. He Just Wants The Money And To Hurt You.

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Man there’s a lot of bitter women on here🤣. Dads are just as important as moms. He doesn’t have to be up to something because he wants his daughter. Your daughters relationship with her brother is not more important than the one she has with her father! Just go for joint custody. Women always want to be the victim🙄

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If there is no domestic violence involved and he is good to her then there is no reason it shouldn’t be 50-50. I get what you are saying about your son but her relationship with her father is just as important.

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If he lives almost an hour away then he’ll likely get every other weekend and wednesdays until school starts. Then it’ll just be every other weekend. Once school starts I don’t see a judge allowing a child to live 40+ minutes away from school every other week

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If he is a good dad why not 50/50
Even at 50/50 if he makes more he will have to pay child support, it’s all based on a standard formula.
If he’s a good dad he deserves that.
If he wants primary there are 3 reasons:
He wants child support
You are unfit
Or maybe he actually loves his kids and wants to spend as much time as possible with them
Both of you can request all you want, the child support formula is the same for everyone

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He probably asking for full custody because of child support. It doesn’t matter if he is making more money if he gets primarily custody then you have to pay him, if you get primary custody then he have to pay you

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So he doesn’t have to pay child support…one of his buddies is probably coaching him.

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Well the father has a right to ask for custody as well as child support. My brother in law got custody of both his daughter’s and Momma payed child support. Mother was not unfit but daughter’s wanted their daddy so he got them and both were from different women ex wife’s. I have seen times changing and Dads stepping up for full custody and receiving it. Men stepping up for equal rights.

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Primary custody in Calif, at least means your child’s primary resident is with that said parent. Here’s an article I found that explains it better.

That’s because he doesn’t want to pay child support and he wants final say with your daughter

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50/50, no child support, and a 40 minute drive can work. We have done exactly that for 5 years now.

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The person that doesn’t have primary custody has to pay all expenses to go see or be with the child…

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I would suggest 50/50

He filed for primary custody so naturally he would file for child support with it. Just like you wanting her 70/30, naturally you would expect child support because you have her more often. How about 50/50, nobody gets child support, and y’all get equal amount of time with her? Both parents being equally consistent in her life is more important than money.

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Went through this with my son’s dad. In the end we settled on 50/50. We do a 2-2-3 so we keep the every other weekend schedule we’ve always had. I pay support because I make more. He’s married & they have kids. Just because you have another child doesn’t mean you’ll get more time.

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First it’s better to ask a lawyer these questions as family court decisions vary significantly not only case by case but region by region and country by country. We don’t really have enough info to help you. Right now courts are leaning mostly towards the 50/50 model either a 2,2,3 split in which you alternate days or a week on week off schedule. Where that can get complicated is if you don’t reside in the same town. Things like daycare or school are usually residence based so to be eligible you have to live in the catchment areas. It can be done but if distance is a factor they may award primary custody to one party with alternate weekend and 1 night a week access to the other party. Usually primary residence custody is only awarded now in cases where there’s abuse or other reasons the parents are not able to co-parent amicably.

So, he wants primary to control you and get child support. Any child ages 2 and under belong with the mother primarily… breast feeding, emotional support, ect.(as long as she is fit, mind you) your theory that child support is a joke bc he makes more than you is just that… if you allow him primary he is entitled to 30% of your monthly income for child expenses plus insurance and daycare, if he is much more financially stable than you and you already have a child from another relationship, this will, in fact hurt your case, attorney should have already advised. The father has just as much rights to his child as you and you will have an uphill battle on your hands. Depending on the circumstances of the split, and your fitness as a mother, will come into question, a GAL will be appointed and their opinion alone can sway the judges opinion… I suggest you hire a very good attorney, no expense is to be spared here.

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Doesn’t the parent who earns the most money still have to pay some form of child support even if the they have the child more? . Just curious as I’m not in this particular situation

If he has a lawyer that’s possibly why he filed for primary + support. I know when I was getting divorced that’s what my lawyer had me do, he did this because he said it typically makes the judge lean towards 50-50 but in the beginning it will give you whoever filed first temp custody until courts say other wise. It might be the same for you UNLESS he’s being harsh and going to try and make things difficult. My husband and I weren’t really being harsh towards each other, so things were kinda mutual. Me and my husband need up getting back together so he told me straight up he filed the same because his lawyer had told him too. My lawyer also said unless you can prove it to not be good/beneficial to the child 50/50 will be granted.

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He just doesn’t want to pay you money tbh

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Y’all could agree on 50/50 (joint custody) alternating holidays, no child support and joint primary residential. Then in your parenting plan make sure it states that medical costs not covered by insurance are to be split 50/50.

50/50 custody. Why should one parent get more time with their child over the other? You shouldn’t get more time just because you have another child. Judges are leaning more towards the 50/50 timesharing today with no or minimal child support. Dads or Moms shouldn’t be forced to pay a ridiculous amount in child support only to see their child every other weekend.

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Tax purposes my dear . Think about it.

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He’s just being an @**. Tell your lawyer what you want and follow through. Don’t let him rattle you. Keep your focus and stay calm for your kids.

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We do 60/40 and help each other and pay half each of what ever our child wants to do.

He wants to claim the kid on his taxes obviously. 50/50 is what you should aim for.

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