Primary physical and legal custody to you. He thinks having primary physical custody will lower his child support payments. You can do 60/40, but 50/50 gets to be rather unworkable once school starts, unless you two end up living very close to each other.
50/50 would be fair. Shes just as much his as she is yours
4 Likes
If he is capable of doing the travelling for daycare then 50/50 shouldn’t be a problem. It is his child as well
2 Likes
He doesn’t want your daughter he just wants his $$$ . Sounds Narcissistic to me . It depends where u live as some states 50/50 some 1 weekday every other weekend for non custodial. The judge should do what’s in the best interest of the child and that should be your focus too . Do not feed into his psychological games and ask for the family wizzard . Court order communication that is monitored . You need to protect yourself and your children
12 Likes
I think 50/50 will be fair. My husband and his ex have 50/50 . My stepdaughter comes every other weekend and stay 2 weeks with us, the other 2 with her mom. They take turns on taxes, a year him and the other its hers. (Thats how court decided) also, pays less child support since he spends more time with her .
2 Likes
I’m just thinking your baby is almost 2 you said and its a girl. She will need her mother as she is still very much a baby. I would really love to believe that the court will rule in that favor of the child. She still very much depends on you more than daddy
4 Likes
Why shouldn’t he have custody and for you to pay child support. You are not more important than the father. The best thing for a child is 50/50
12 Likes
Your daughter is only 2, so 50/50 is what’s best for her with both of you being financially responsible when she is with you so that would save some CS issues but, He deserves just as much time with her as you do. Once she is old enough to start school you may have to go back to court to have things amended but this gives you 3 years to adjust and maybe work out a new amicable arrangement
1 Like
Probably wants 50/50 to pay the bare minimal support
2 Likes
Just because you’re mom doesn’t mean you should get custody.
50/50 is best. Stop being that mom.
7 Likes
People need to learn how to tell the judge we will raise our children outside of the judicial system. Just because he is on the birth certificate doesn’t mean you have to do anything just because he said so. I have five children and not one of their fathers have to talk to me about anything other than what the child needs are if I need help, medical, and education. Y’all give the courts too much power when it comes to decision making and parenting period
4 Likes
not only taxes, some people have missed if he gets over the 50% physical custody, then you will have to pay child support. So don’t let him take more than 50 because then he’ll get it.
This is all about money. Child support and taxes. He sounds wonderful. Congrats on your divorce.
3 Likes
Ultimately it’s so he has control. He would get to make the ultimate decision for her - but it doesn’t matter if he makes more because if he was primary you could still have to pay. But you can either turn around and file for full custody or joint. Guys tend to file for more then what they will get just to intimidate you.
1 Like
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex wants primary custody: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Sounds like he’s doing it so he can claim the benefits as who ever the parent is classed as legally residing with is who will get the child benefit ect but if it’s 50/50 custody and time then child support won’t even be considered at all either
1 Like
Ummmm, you don’t know why he wants full custody? Maybe because he loves his daughter? And why 70/30… why not 50/50? Fair is fair
Hmmm…why would a father want to be the primary custodian? Maybe because he loves his kid and doesn’t want to be reduced to seeing her 1 or 2 days a week.
Pretty sure the reason you would want your daughter to live with you is because you believe that you are the best person and household to provide for her……not (as you said ) just so she isn’t separated from her brother. Seems like you have misaligned priorities.
10 Likes
No one can really answer for you why he wants full custody? That’s only something he can answer for you.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex wants primary custody: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
How was he as a dad? Was he hands on? Who was her primary caregiver? Even with 50/50 child support can be awarded. It seems the physical custody is more of the issue and most times they will keep the child where they have been and not in favor of uprooting. You can agree to alternate weeks. Can’t really base it off another child’s schedule. He’s going to have to be willing to bring her to her current day care and picking her up. Does he have the flexibility of being a full time single parent? You can always add the stipulation that your both first call. Meaning he can’t pick her up or needs someone to watch her, first call has to be made to the other parent first to see if they can or want the time. Also considering her age, I highly doubt they will give him primary physical custody.
11 Likes
If he is primary custodian then he would have placement and you would have visitation basically but you can be apart of all of the decisions(the joint part) school stuff, drs, etc and if he has placement then regardless of what he makes you will have to pay child support just as he would if you had placement.
There are two kinds of custody: legal and physical. Legal means you both have to agree what school they go to, etc and physical means where the child resides and whatnot. Get with your attorney and they can advise you. If you’re not a crackhead or anything and the child has always lived with you, then you should conceivably be in good shape. Ask your attorney, please.
She is too young for joint custody, and as you say she has her brother.
My suspicious nature says he is lashing out and does t realise damage to hia daughter he will be causing.
I would fight it. Or move out of state / province if it is an option… distance always helps with perspective
19 Likes
He most likely wants this to get out of paying child support. But it goes by salary. If custody is joint and he makes more I doubt he would get child support you would. The custodial parent is the primary home. The one where they go to school. You would have to ask your lawyer more but since he wants child support that seems the be the motive if you are a fit parent
2 Likes
If you’re in the states you can joint custody but your child primarily live with you. If you do primary for one parent then the other parent usually doesn’t have a say in decisions. You fight that and get primary residence.
1 Like
My ex husband and I have joint custody, but I’m primary custodian. He pays child support. (360 for 2 kids). But, I feel like he’s trying to do it for financial gain like other people have posted. Even if he makes way more, you can still be made to pay CS if he becomes primary.
7 Likes
Depending on the state, you can still get the “primary residential custody” as far as being the location that you put on medical forms, school enrollments, etc… 50/50 is the best option for a father who is willing to be that involved. In some cases, even with 50/50 custody, the parent making significantly more than the other may be responsible for child support. I’d recommend consulting an attorney and taking a look at your local laws and regulations. Some judges may lean towards the parent who lives in the area the child has been well established, like daycare, doctor, school, etc. Sometimes having siblings they are bonded with plays a factor in choosing primary residential custody as well. But everyone here can give their opinions and whatnot, but the only person who can help you and get you truly educated on your specifics will be a local attorney who knows the law and everything involved.
5 Likes
This may be the unpopular opinion but it doesn’t really matter what schedule your son has and being her mother doesn’t really make you special or more deserving of primary custody. 
Just counter back with 50/50 legal and physical custody with no child support from either party and set up a Google calendar for schedules.
163 Likes
Primary custody means that he holds all the power as to decisions about the child’s school, health, etc…you can have input but ultimately it will be his decision. My opinion and based off my experience, it’s a manipulation and control tactic. If he makes more money than you, the only explanation for him wanting you to pay child support is to have that power over you.
80 Likes
Talk to your attorney for all the legal terminology so you completely understand what primary custody entails and the pros and cons of it.
Child custody is different for everyone and terminology is confusing. Good luck
15 Likes
He wants to file her on his taxes.
And with joint custody neither parent gets child support because the child is supposed to be at each residence an equal amount of time
59 Likes
There would be no way on Gods earth I’d agree to him having primary physical custody!
50 Likes
It sounds like it might be financially motivated. If he has primary custody then he can make you pay child support and he can claim her on his taxes. I would discuss 50/50 custody with no child support and you alternate who gets to claim her on taxes each year. That sounds like the most sensible solution. It’s not fair for you to take her 70% of the time if he is more than willing and wanting to be equally involved in her life. A lot of parents wish for that. 
142 Likes
We did 50/50 he had a lawyer I didn’t. He got primary physical even though it’s 50/50 and I do pay him 500 a month in child support for 1 child. We live 55 minutes apart from one another. I didn’t pay anything when she didn’t go to school but when she started she went to school with him because I worked 2nd shift so I ended up paying him. She’s here every weekend and all summer long.
5 Likes
No ma’am
. FIGHT THAT! My two year old daughter would stay with me primarily. He wants financial gain. That shouldn’t even be a question. Keep your baby with you girl. Joint custody is one thing if he is extremely active.
6 Likes
An Aussie here, so don’t know your system. Can you ask to be joint custodians? Then you both have equal say in all the big decisions in her life, like schooling and so on, and both a accountable for financially supporting the child
I do t think it’s right to want more custody so the baby can spend more time with her brother from a different relationship. What if dad has another baby in a new relationship?
Try and stay civil and do what is best for the child, not either parent or anyone else. She has a right to be with both parents
8 Likes
70/30 isn’t fair if he’s willing to be 100% active in his life. 50/50 is fair, especially if you live close. Maybe ask him, and hear him out, maybe you can come up with an agreement so when you go to court there’s a united front which will benefit all of you
69 Likes
He doesnt want to pay child support to you. Thats the reason. Otherwise he would only ask for the custody and not the child support considering he makes way more than you. Hes a complete jerk.
2 Likes
If he is the primary he gets to make decisions, has the final say so on things whether you agree or not. He could pull her out of the daycare you use, he could switch her primary Dr. If you completely trust him to do the right thing for her and make all of these decisions even if you don’t agree with him…then fine but…if you don’t then fight it. I would say fight it bc he sounds like he’s being petty already and he would probably do things just to hurt you like move her day care closer to him so you have to drive that 40 minutes every day to take her and pay more for it. If he’s asking for child support and he makes more and knows it he is Definitely trying to be petty and use her to hurt you. So my biggest question is with that in mind is he going to actually spend joint amount of time with her or is he doing all of this to hurt you?
7 Likes
Even if you have 50/50 you can still get child support. Don’t offer not to want child support just because you offer to do 50/50. You don’t want her to lose her structure is a good argument. Her daycare, the family life/ home she knows and so on. He probably wants primary so he won’t have to pay child support
3 Likes
Fight him for primary custody. As long as you’re not addicted to drugs, have steady income, reasonable housing and/or have had a major mental health issue, you should get primary or joint custody. I don’t think the courts would rule something that would cause your daughter to be yanked out of a good home with a sibling & taken from a daycare where she’s already adjusted, unless something major was going on within your home. He’s probably just trying to get out of paying child support & maybe he thinks if he asks for primary custody that the courts will compromise & give joint custody. Attorneys sometimes advise their clients to shoot for the moon, even though they know it’s asking too much, hoping the courts will meet in the middle. I hope that makes sense Best of luck to you & your family.
4 Likes
It’s a very common initial response. The lawyer says do it so that y’all can eventually agree to joint custody. If the two of you are on even slightly amicable terms, then try to mediate an agreement where both parties and the child win
2 Likes
You keep your baby as primary custodian and let him be noncustodial. He can get her every other weekend and pay you child support. I would never agree to anything else. And the court rules that way in most states in most cases unless there was adultery or unfitness on the mothers behalf. She needs her mother and brother and her life uprooted as little as possible.
6 Likes
Doesn’t matter if he makes more, if he gets physically custody, you will be paying child support, 17% of your pay I believe.
5 Likes
I would do 50/50 no child support and you be primary. That’s what me and my daughter’s father did. It has worked out great for us and our daughter. Also if you go in with a fair agreement like that then most like the judge or referee will agree with it. Unless he can prove you unfit.
4 Likes
You cant be selfish. Thats her dad as much as ur her mom and deserves both if its possible. U cant use that excuse to keep the kids together more. Its always going to be confusion so maybe u should sit with them and explain whats going on. Just remember this is about the kids.
6 Likes
If you want your daughter and your son to stay together fight it. Do 50/50. No child support. You will still have say In her medical, schooling etc. good luck.
3 Likes
Since he was the main provider (meaning he makes the most money) I would understand why he would want to be primary but what doesn’t make since is why he would want to take it away from a good mother…
3 Likes
It’s extremely hard for a father to get primary custody. He would have to prove that you are unfit. Custody battles can be extremely mean which means he will use anything and everything he can against you.
2 Likes
Whoever takes the child to the dr and any other activities and primarily provides the care should be the primary. If yall did this 50/50 while together it should carry over. If you did most everything make sure that it known you provided primary care even while together.
3 Likes
We had joint custody, but I had physical custody. I had control over most day to day decisions, but consulted him on major decisions. Son lived with me full time, he paid child support, he had liberal visitation. Located in Ga.
1 Like
Well whoever the child lives with should have the primary custody. Unless you can do 50/50. (Corrected the typo for you twisted people that had to go there. Grow up. )
2 Likes
I did 50/50 with my ex for awhile… Mon/Tues with him, Wed/Thurs with me, alternated every Fri, Sat and Sun… And no child support. It seemed fair at the time… Until things changed and eventually I fought (and won) for primary with child support. If he’s active in her life and his help supporting her and so are you… then 50/50 is fair.
1 Like
It’s because if he has primary then he doesn’t have to pay… my ex tried to do the same. Do joint. He has to pay if you have primary residence. I did a whole evaluation thru the court. It came down to him basically saying that it was over child support
1 Like
Basically it denotes custody to whomever is spending most time with her.
2 Likes
50/50. No primary custodian. No child support. Whoever makes more, pays more towards medical, dental, school stuff- that’s fair. But let the baby see each parent an equal amount as long as both are willing to be fully active in their life. It will make you and dads lives easier.
2 Likes
I’d tell the judge you want 50/50! Be careful about saying her brother needs her! My best friend did and the judge said well she also needs her dad more as he’s her family too and she swears the judge was rude to her the rest of the time!
In my case we’ve had 50/50 since she was 4. It’s worked really really well for us.
1 Like
I have primary custody but share joint legal custody. We have visitation, but he chooses not to utilize it.
Typically from my understanding from talking to other people I know, usually mom is the primary Guardian and visitation is 50/50 if the second custodial parent is actively involved with the child. Her being so young, I’d fight for primary custodial, joint legal custody, and joint visitation. Typically, they don’t make fathers primary unless they can prove the mother is unfit or something along those lines.
He doesn’t want to have to owe any child support, wants to claim any child benefits 100% and wants to have all the control. That is why is he requesting primary care. Don’t do it.
14 Likes
Definitely speak with a lawyer. You will find a variety of answers on here based on where people live and experiences they had in court. Example, my ex didn’t show up I was awarded sole legal custody and primary physical placement and am the only one allowed to claim my daughter for taxes, every year. My son, his father and I agreed joint custody and joint placement- we have a set schedule and decided to not do child support. Custody is decision making such as doctor stuff or school stuff. Placement is where the child physically resides. Best scenario is to try for joint physical placement with a set schedule (this avoids any confusion and if either parent withholds the child then there are legal consequences) and joint custody (making decisions together). Also, address to split taxes every other year, odd years my ex claims my son, even years I do. Child support- in my experience this can be tricky and is best to talk with the child support agency to fully understand. Best of luck! I’ve also learned with my son’s father that we get along and sometimes dismiss our court placement order but we agree mutually, however, having it in writing is huge if either of us gets pissed and throws a fit there is no questions.
Physical custody is who she lives with, meaning he can claim her on his taxes and keep her in his home. Legal custody is basically the right to have a say in things like medical treatment and things of that nature
I’ve been thru this and my sons dad filed first and he did the exact same thing. He way overshot his ask intentionally so then he could appear to be willing to negotiate and do the right thing. Unfortunately for me, my attorney was terrible so that didn’t help me. Make sure yours knows what they’re doing and aren’t just trying to make a buck. Mine would think she told me about court dates or mediation dates that she never did so then I looked like I just didn’t care.
The court will rule what is in her best interest not what is in yours or your sons. 50/50 sounds hard but if you both can make it work together than 50/50 can work. It’s great for kids because they can have equal time with both parents and both families
When my children’s father took me to court for visitation rights it said he was asking for full custody too but he said that was not the case and it wasn’t even discussed during court. I don’t know if this is true or not but he said that is standard for it to say that. I only believe it to be true since it was never discussed in court and I have full custodial rights in which he never put up a fight about.
As long as hes not a horrible FATHER let him have 50/50 and then claim her every odd year and even year for him because its only fair that she gets to see both parents. You BOTH made the child and should have equal time.
Sounds like he is starting high in the negotiation of custody…Gives him room to move around. Don’t use the argument that your other child needs the company. You will spin your wheels trying to figure out what your ex wants. Don’t worry about it, just go after what you want. Remember that courts usually move very slow in custody battles.
1 Like
U will want to be the primary custodian bc then u can use ur address for when she starts school and other things like that but the court won’t give u majority custody just bc. They’ll automatically do 50/50 and no child support
Request a shared parenting plan. Everything is equal, as it should be with two competent and present parents.
1 Like
If he gets primary custody day care would probably be changed to where lives and you would be responsible for getting her back and forth same with school
1 Like
My husband has primary custody of our son. He makes the primary decisions and does not need her authorization for a passport for him. Aside from that, his ex wife basically has him for 2 hrs on Thursdays and it’s supposed to be the 1st, 3rd, & 5th weekend but he opted for every other weekend.she also gets him all of July and they rotate holidays. He also didn’t request child support but the agreement states she’s supposed to go half with him on medical bills and everything else. Unfortunately, she hasn’t kept up her part of the agreement.
What I think helped my husband gain primary custody is that he was able to show documentation that he’d been providing for him since day one. He paid for his daycare and his insurance. Also, she missed the court hearing so I’m sure that played a BIG PART in the judge’s decision.
Tbh 3yrs ago I decided to give my oldest son’s dad primary custody. I do have another child who is 4 now. It was rough at first cos I’d miss him, we have 60/40 I have every Monday and every other Friday through Tuesday. As much as I would love my son home with us it was very stressful as he has some behavior issues that were pushing my mental health to the brink! We split the holidays and breaks from school and alternate summer this yr I have him 1st 6 weeks his dad has him 2nd then next yr we swap. Somedays it is annoying cos I would like more time with him, but then on our off days I feel like I made the right decision. My oldest gets to he an only child there and here he has to share a room with his little brother. His dad is married and has a stable job and insurance and some things I just couldn’t provide being a single parent to 2 kids with special needs. Neither of us pays child support.
Primary custody means you make all educational, medical, important basically decisions. That’d be where she lives, and who receives child support. My ex did the same to me, I countered and walked away with exactly what I asked for. 50/50 with him getting wkeds and the summers, him paying $29/wk total for 2 kids child support. We live about 3hrs apart and it works for us. He’s an active dad and while it’s annoying having to negotiate weekends through the school yr and figuring out how I want my weeks in the summer, I want him to have them just as much as I do and we do our best to split time evenly
He wants the child to live with him and have her visit you. I would not let that happen. Courts usually side with the mother unless she is proven unfit. Joint legal custody just means you both make decisions on the childs behalf. Physical custody is where the child lives. Discuss this with you lawyer. And make sure you let them know exactly what you want. If the child lives with you, you can file for child support. You file that at domestic relations. Don’t let him scare you.
He’s probably just afraid he’ll have to pay child support.
At 2 years old you may not have a 70/30 split. My stepson was 2, because he was not in school the judge ordered rotating weeks until he started school. Hubby ex had “primary custody” but we had him 5 days a week. Offer 50)50 and allow the kids to enjoy themselves
Taxes, insurance, child support, chooses school district, makes medical decisions….
Even with 50/50 my fiance’s order is set up as visitation hrs and 50/50 granted him access to Dr and school records… he still pays support as she gets welfare so he will until we go for residential parenting in a couple yrs… we don’t want child support from her…
I went thru this and the joint custody gave us both same amount time but I got to be primary custodian which let’s me have say so over drs and such and get child support if I chose too or any other help which i never did because i was good as long as we done everything 50/50. It sounds more like he dont want to pay child support to me. 50/50 has always work best for me if you both are willing to work together on everything.
Primary
Mean child lives with that parent & visits the other. Therefore, he can ask for child support.
Your daughter is not your son, she has an entirely different situation. He should not have to miss out on time with her because you want more sibling time. Your son will adapt.
1 Like
Say no to joint custody. Id do 50/50 if he’s a good Dad and no child support. Dad’s are just important too. In my state they go by the amount of nights they sleep at each parents house for child support. We really don’t know the whole story neither of why he wants it and what each parents roles have been since the child was born and it does matter. You can say about the brother, but it might not matter with the judge and technically Dad is more important. Just remember it’s what is the best interest for the child. It isn’t about you or him at this point.
Sounds like lawyer maneuvers…so they can “compromise” to what you want
1 Like
Child support is not solely based upon your income, nor his. They calculate it based on both incomes combined so that the child continues to have the benefit of a two parent income. It’s child support, not to supplement the custodial parent’s income. Even with joint custody there is always a “physical” primary custodial parent. Each state differs in how and what exactly is determined. That question would be best asked in your state & of a family law attorney during an initial consultation or by obtaining a copy of custodial & non custodial general guidelines from your county clerks office.
Have it written up to alternate who files on taxes. How me and my ex had it. Where ever child lives lives is where will be in school and daycare. Regardless… If joint custody… Both have a say medically and about school. Primary is just where resides mostly.
40 min i used to think was far… Till i met my boyfriend. His ex moved 4 hrs away. They meet half way every other weekend… So 2 hrs to get there and then home. Unless written in paperwork… He can then move across country… And then its YOUR job to get child for your visitation time.
My daughters father and I split when she was 2 months old, we went to court around 4 months old. I have physical custody, but we have joint custody. He pays me child support every week. He gets say so in every decision made on our daughters life. We share taxes every other year. He gets her every other weekend and I gave him every Wednesday too. It’s something we both agreed upon and the judge signed off on it. I would say maybe you two should do some compromising and try to come up with an agreement in front of both lawyers. Best of luck.
He doesn’t want to pay the amount of child support that they would make him pay probably. Did he normally spend a lot of time with her before the separation? Is there any reason he could say something negative about your parenting abilities. If no to these questions then it’s probably a spiteful decision. Primary gives him the right to make all choices for her like schools, where to live, medical, and whether you can visit her when you want. He would get full tax deduction also, along with all of the other child credits. If joint it would be shared and more arguments regarding decisions for her. Only my opinions.
I’ve been through a full on battle before. It’ll get uglier than y’all think but it’ll work out eventually. They’ll hire someone that will charge 800$ and y’all will split that charge yltypically. They’ll look at your home make you fill out lots of paperwork on each other’s parenting skills and personalities. They’ll interview your parents or relatives. It’s invasive and time consuming . Whether or not you have l pending litigation you should’ve or should see about filing child support. Should’ve done that from the jump. You’ll get through it trust me. It’s not easy but be cautious and listen to your attorney!
Primary residential responsibility and joint legal custody.
Primary means: child lives over 50% with this parent. They get child support. Usually is a every other weekend and split summers and every other holiday.
Joint legal means: joint decision making. Such as medical decisions, school decision, major events.
As the daughter of a single father whose “mother” couldn’t even be bothered to show up to the custody hearing, some of these comments about children being better off with mothers just because disgust me.
Sorry but right now this is not about your son its about doing whats best for your daughter that being said it sounds like he wants that arrangement for financial gain and not for whats best for your daughter.
He probably doesn’t want to pay child support and that is why he is requesting it. Ask for 50/50.
50/50.
Thats what we do and our situation is almost identical.
I have another child.
He lives 40 mins away in another state but works where i live. Daycare is where I live. We do 2 2 3 . Claim every other year on taxes.
We got divorced when my daughter was just turning 2. We have joint custody. He pays child support because he makes more than me. I have physical custody (I have final say for medical decisions and she goes to the school in the district I live and I claim her on my taxes). Maybe that is why he wants it? My ex gets mad at the taxes every year but he agreed to it because we agreed he pay only a fraction of what the court wanted him to pay.
In TN primary custody almost always goes to the mom unless she is proven unfit. 50/50 means the child spend half her time with each parent. There are still child support payments. Whichever parent has the better insurance has to continue paying that. If the child is in school and or sports all payments for that are split 50/50. This is the parenting plan most people I know are on. If not this one it is the 70/30 split with mom as primary. Unless he can prove the child would be better off with him then I highly doubt a judge would give a father primary custody over the mother.
I was told by my attorney they just file that motion so they don’t have to pay child support.
The judge hopefully will do what is in the best interest of the child, and the only way he will be granted primary care is to prove you unfit, I’m sure he can’t do that. Her being 2 I would not agree to him having primary care, it should joint custody. Is he even asking to see your son? He was part of your sons life as well.
It’s all so he has control and doesnt have to pay child support
Sounds like he’s fng with you. Maybe he’s mad about the separation, who knows. But it’s time for you to be stern and stand up for yourself.
If the dad wants to be involved, then do joint custody 50/50 and no one pays child support. Co parent with him and leave the drama out of it. You are lucky if he wants to be a dad to his daughter, a lot of kids don’t have that. If he’s not a danger then I do not see anything wrong with it.