My ex wants primary custody: Advice?

Like others have said. It sounds like he doesn’t want to pay support.
My ex husband did this too. Wanted full custody unless I signed away my right to support. He also made a lot more money than I did. I was so afraid of losing I agreed. We get into court and the judge asked why there was not a child support order. Ultimately we agreed he pay for everything, daycare, clothes, medical. We did get joint custody . I struggled every day. But then 8 years later I seeked support because I lost my job and took a lesser paying one. I got child support and wish I did it long ago. Most judges like to give joint custody unless the other parent is unfit to parent. This is Tennessee.

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Get a good lawyer. Unless he has anything good against you or an amazing lawyer I don’t think what he wants will fly in court. But ask for references to make sure you get a good lawyer that can advise you and represent you well

I have 50/50. We are supposed to agree on doctors and education. Let me just say that has caused several issues. If I could do it again I would try to have it to where I have final say. If he lives out of town I would maybe do Monday-Thursday and let him have Thursday afternoon to Monday morning and maybe you get one uninterrupted weekend a month? Idk think on it and pray. It is better to agree but most of the time people don’t and courts have to intervene. It’s a nightmare. Even 6 years later. Wishing you the best!

I was told it who makes the final decision on everything

Honestly no one know his intent.
He actually might be a great dad and want his kids to.
If he is not a danger to his children he deserves just as much time as you do.
children need both parents time,
I’m honestly sick and tired of seeing women so bitter that they would do anything to hav more time or sole custudy because they think they are a better parent , thats not always the case, I know some shitty moms.
I’m not saying that is happening in this situation but I see it on the daily here on social media.
Dads matter too!!

Every one is so quick to attack her about how important dads are. She’s not trying to take the kid from him, she’s trying to do what’s best for her daughter and dad taking her from her mom and brother is not what’s best for her. Fight this, get full custody of her. #holdontoyourbabies

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generally men go for full joint 50/50 time for 1 of 2 reasons…1-to avoid paying child support 2-because they want to and can provide full for the child…you have decide which he’s after in this case. Honestly as much as you want what is best for your son, this isn’t about him it’s about what is best for you daughter.

Test him. Tell him you want her with you half the time if not more and you won’t file for child support. If he agrees, then he is only in it for the child support. If not then he is sincere about having his child and you 2 should do 50 50.

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He wants you to pay him child support

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Don’t ask for what’s fair, ask for the moon. Half of your overask is what the court will see as fair. If he wants 100% and you think 50% is fair, you’ll get the short end of the stick because it looks like you don’t want full custody. Courts try to compromise to half of what you each ask for while considering baby’s age.

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50/50 whenever possible. But, that does not mean no support.

Man, there are some bitter bitches in this post!

So most men only want custody so they don’t have to pay child support? Really? Y’all know nothing about this women. Maybe she jumps from man to man, maybe she has a pain pill addiction, maybe she has mental health problems she doesn’t take seriously and the dad wants to keep the baby safe or in a healthier environment! I’m not saying any of that’s true but y’all are so quick to make assumptions so I figured I’d make a few too :woman_shrugging::woman_facepalming:

My advice: Stop listening to all these bitter baby mommas. If you know he’s a good dad then LET THE MAN BE A FATHER TO HIS CHILD! He for sure should have 50/50 custody if he deserves it. I don’t agree with either paying child support when custody is 50/50 because then one is basically paying for the right to see their child but to each their own :woman_shrugging:

50/50 no child support i my self was worried about my 2 children that I share with there dad my ex husband but this has actually been great with them he has them when he’s off I have them when he works at first our schedule was a week here a week there it took us about 2 years to find a routine and common ground together and now he has them Monday Tuesday brings them home wens by 1 pm and has them every other weekend and even the kids love this now there older they mark there days on there calenders

50/50 and neither of you pay support. There’s nothing wrong with school year at one with visits to the other and summer with the other one with visits to the other. Don’t argue, just throw the option on the table. The more open and simple you are, looks very good to the judge.

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He wants to have full custody

Why didn’t you loss custody for 2 yrs

He doesn’t wanna pay child support.

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Let them know how you split custody now and let them know that you have your son when you do and that you want to insure that they spend as much time together as possible because they are very close if he makes more he will not get child support. If he gets primary he will be claiming her on taxes and get all that tax money which shouldn’t matter it’s about the baby not the money. I hope you can find a way to get the custody fair and coparent for your little
Girl.

He wants it so he doesnt have to pay u support. Take him for every penny you can get

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Get a lawyer and fight for custody. Primary custody is he had all the say. You can’t even talk to her doctor unless he gives authorization.

Fight girl ,he only wants child support

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They’re not going to care you have another kid from someone else, that’s not their problem. They’re gonna think about dad and his rights and listen to any accusations he has against you that would grant him the right to be primary. Not saying there’s anything against you but if you weren’t 100% an angel, he’ll use what he can against you. So I guess just be prepared cuz anything can happen

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Everything depends on where you live with how it will go down :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging: my fiance has 50/50 with his daughters mom and he still pays child support. And she also makes more then him. But the support isnt for her. Its for our child. Where I live if someone gets put on child support they go down and talk with a mediator. If the parents cant come to a agreement then the go to court.

Because he doesnt want to pay you. Child support primary means hed have her more as well

Once you give up custody or majority of your time you never get it back… Just remember that going into your court hearing.

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Rule #1: don’t take advice from random people on the internet, lol.

Do what is best for the child involved, not what is desired by each individual adult. Talk to your attorney because laws vary from state to state, therefore no one in the internet is able to actually give any solid advice unless they practice family law in the state in which you live.

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While I understand your reasoning it’s not fair to her or her dad to have less time with him than you. She could very well end up with siblings over there as well. If Dad wants 50/50 and is able to care for her the way she needs then that should be the goal.

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Primary custody means he will be the one making decisions. All decisions will be made by him as far as school, healthcare, where and when the child can go places. He will be the one filing her on his taxes. The courts will say that when you have your child they can see their sibling then. If he has primary he will not be paying child support you will be. If he gets primary custody he will have control over everything and it will be very hard for you to ever have it changed to you having primary custody. If he is wanting to be a part of the child’s life as much as possible I would do 50/50 and split everything that y’all can. It is very important if both parents are involved that they get along and do what is best for the child. I hope this helps you.

I had a friend go through a divorce. They had 50/50 custody. She had to pay him child support. She requested to be primary parent which basically has final say if there is a serious life decision that can’t agree on, but they usually agree so it wasn’t an issue.

Primary custody is when the major decision making is left up to him… IF he ends up with primary custody. If he makes more money than you, I don’t see you paying child support or certainly not a lot if you make less than him. Unless he has been the primary care parent since day one, I would fight it. Good luck

He’s not going to get primary unless you are proven unfit :woman_shrugging: it will be 50/50 for now but when school starts y’all might have to go back. Just do your best to keep every agreement so he doesn’t have anything to hold over your head in Court, and document every agreement he doesn’t keep too.

If he is primary, he would get to make the main decisions such as medical, schooling, etc

If he had primary custodianship, he can move her to a daycare that’s more convenient for him, making your drive much longer. He also will be able to enroll her at his local school whenever it’s time for her to start school, rather than the one that’s local to you. The list goes on, but this is two of the big ones. I would fight for primary.

I have primary but we do 50/50 (one week on one week off) no child support and we rotate who gets to claim him on taxes. Been doing this since our son was 2 and it has worked great

Honestly just talk to a lawyer and find out all your rights because you won’t get a real answer on here . Every situation is different and not every state has the same laws/rules . This needs to be handled making sure it’s in the best interest of your child , not what he or you wants . At the end of the day any decision made will effect your child in some way .

If its financial, he probably dont wanna bank roll your life. Not saying that your that kind of parent, i wasnt either but that didnt stop my bd from thinking and telling everyone that i was using his money to come up, even tho he rarely paid his support and i had 2 and some times 3 jobs. Ego perhaps?

You are his mother.
If you want to be there for him, fight for custody.
Most mothers get custody unless you’re not capable.

What should happen in an ideal world. 50/50 time. No child support. Split the expenses 50/50. Take turns claiming her on your taxes like every other year. Communicate. Be adults.

The only thing I’d fight on would be physical custody. I would tell the court she’s already going through so much change that you want her to stay at the school she’s at for some consistency in her life.

If he’s not a good dad to her then that’s a whole different story. And the part about your son is unfortunately irrelevant to a judge.

You want custody just so the siblings can spend more time together?? Doesn’t the other child see his father?? Doesn’t that mean they spend time apart?? What is the difference?? Why do you want Full control?? You never said he was unfit or abusive… You just state he makes more money and you want the kids together… Not fair to the father or the child

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So I see people say to counter back with 50/ 50 as well… she said that he lives 40 minutes away… the child can not go to two different schools. So how would 50/50 even work?

He wants you to support him, with the monthly child care, he wants you to pay him. That way you pay him monthly and you get nothing or or have the child 90% of the time and he pays nothing for child care to you. Be careful. He can also claim on taxes and you cannot

He wants to claim your child for tax refund probably. If he’s the primary he would get it unless it was in the court agreement to rotate years.

You would have to pay child support and you would get your child every other weekend just as if the roles were reversed

I have primary physical custody of my kids but I share “joint” custody with my ex. Which basically means I have full custody and he don’t have shit. Literally. It means hes ordered to pay child support (of course he don’t). He gets every other weekend (which he don’t) & every other holiday, I get to claim them every year. What it actually DOES mean is he is able to bring the kids to the dr if needed and yeah well that’s about it. So if you just give him primary custody, he’ll have all the rights. Joint in that case is pointless.

Might be for school purposes. He may be thinking long term about his involvement. If you live two far apart transportation to and from school can become an issue. Therefore making it hard to be there and the non- custodial parent becomes the weekend parent.

You need to fight it. Document everything. Point out how in your home she has her whole support system. She has family there and she is starting her life there. Fight tooth and nail girl. This happened with my parents. My parents split up. My Brother decided to live with my mom and my sister lives with my dad. While my father never really provided for my Brother. My Mother gave and bought my sister anything she needed. My father would even ask my mom for a few bucks because he didn’t have money to pay some of his bills when he was already dating someone else. Fast forward a couple of years. And my dad took my mom to court for full custody and child support of my little sister. Now he’s demanding child support health insurance and full custody of my sister with limited visitation. My mom is in the process of appealing everything.

Basing your custody arrangement off of your son’s schedule is ridiculous, and not fair. There is nothing wrong with joint custody with the age she is. You say you want 70/30, so every other weekend huh? Let this guy be a great dad if he wants to be! So many times dads aren’t given the chance to be great parents and this sounds like one of those situations, nowhere did she say anything about her daughter, when this in reality is about her, it about what’s best for anyone’s Waller or other kids

Parents make the child/s, parents should parent the child/s. Every situation is different and messy as both parents believe they should have the child more, get money, move away, have all the rights, and live with them… Two people made the child/s. Two people should be raising the child (if appropriate) under some circumstances should one carry on and raise alone.

Though this one is cut and dry as it’s read.
Both parents can and should be involved, they should be able to set a schedule that works for them both and share the expenses as necessary….

Ahh :hushed: the perfect world affect. It’s honestly that simple, people make it complicated with their own feelings, wants, anger and “needs”. Share the child you shared your bodies to make.
Show the child/s you are adults and capable of raising the child/s together even though you are apart.
If people could figure out how to truly LOOK at what’s best for the child/s this wouldn’t be in question.
This whole thing is to determine who is the primary parent. The day to day needs and choices, medical, school and appointments.

If the child/s have mainly resided with one of the parents they usually don’t switch.

If the parents agree to share responsibilities, the courts don’t need to be involved.

My take on it, Go talk to your attorney and find out if you can file for a true
joint 50/50, no support (both will pay as needed) let the child/s stay where they are already. You can ask to file (taxes) this next year and the other parent can file the following.

Maybe because he is the dad he wants his child living with him… Just like you…he to loves his child. Why not just go for 50/50. Be for the the child… Just because You have issues with the dad don’t put the child in the middle not fair to the child. If the dad is a good daddy…takes care of child…no.abuse…I see nothing wrong…lots of daddy’s want their children…lots of daddy’s are plenty capable of taking care of a child.

It’s about the money. Or he’s trying to hurt you. He would have to prove he’s more fit of a parent. My ex tried this he requested that every year he be able to claim her.

Because dads deserve to be full time parents, too.

I have joint legal but full physical because my son resides with me.

I find it shocking whenever I hear women considering giving primary custody to the father. To me it’s foreign because, well….HELL NO. That’s MY CHILD. Note: special situations apply

My ex an I have 50/50 an he has to pay suppport for our daughter

Y you both have a child if this what ur putting him or her thru. Traumitising to child.

If she has a brother that is your child. You file for primary and CS.

Lmao- 50/50 if he wants it.
Did you forget that child is literally HALF his?
I hope he gets custody, clearly you need to be taught that Fathers are JUST as IMPORTANT as mothers!

Primary custodian means she lives with him. It’s not the same as legal custody, which a judge is not likely to primary/sole to him unless he can show cause why he should have it. Judges typically don’t like to change a child’s usual living/residential situation unless it’s warranted. If she currently spend more time with you/resides with you, that’s likely the way it will stay. Primary/residential custody just means where the child resides. If you both live in the same school district, it’s possible the judge will grant equal time. If not, it usually goes to the parent who lives in the school district where the child already attends(again, UNLESS either can show cause why the child’s primary residence should change.) Legal custody is who has the right to make major decisions, medical, dental, school, religion. 50/50 legal means you both make those decisions together. He’s doing it because he doesnt want to pay child support because he, like most of these idiots, thinks it will cost him less for the child to live with him than it does to pay child support. He’s doing it to get under your skin. He’s doing it because his attorney said he should(because attorneys know these turn into long, drawn out fights and that means more money for them.). He’s doing it because he’s an idiot. OR, maybe, because we don’t know you, he has valid reasons for feeling the child should not live with you.

It’s disgusting that every comment here is assuming this man wants custody of his daughter to have financial leverage. Everyone screams and shouts that men don’t step up enough as dads and when they do they get this kind of reaction. Judging on the fact that he has a good job and has nothing to do with the first son, he’s doing what he should as her father. Should he ensure she gets time with her mother as well as brother? Hell yeah! But he is doing what he should for that daughter.

Cuz nobody takes the kid away from you without no good reason at all it’s either deadbeat situation a a one-night stand situation or you did something to hurt either him or the baby that’s have a look at it when you’re looking at us men in court

Money. Girl get ready for a fight!

Keep those siblings together :heart: in BC sibling relationships take priority

So what kind of a wife were you then

Stormy Cheyenne Borg a lot of advice in these comments

Lot of the time they request full custody even through they usually
Don’t want it so when you get custody they gave something up and they are willing to work with you

If he gets primary physical custody, he (most likely) can enroll her in a new daycare and would be able to place her in a school closer to him when the time comes.

Doesn’t want to pay child support. And wants to claim her on his taxes.

Oregon normally favors the mother but he has to prove you unfit before he can be sure to get custody

He has to prove you an unfit parent to get primary. Dont let your guard down. He also could be doing it out of spite. Get your custody and get the child support. If he wins he has the upper hand in all decisions.

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I have kids not with my ex and we did 50/50 with no child support. My asd son still sees his brothers and they’re all very close. So don’t worry about if your kids will be close if you don’t get more time with her or not. They’re going to be. About the primary part…does he take her to appointments and therapies? I do that so I technically have primary. Hope this helps! Good luck in your divorce!

Sounds like he doesnt want to pay … if she in in daycare she will also need that routine and consistency no different from when she starts school and if he is in another town they likely wont grant certain things based on that alone

He just doesnt want to pay child support, thats all, dont let him fool you

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Idk what state your in but in nys the parent that makes more, is the one who pays regardless of custody. Meaning if you did 50/50 here he would be required to pay if you asked him to because he makes more. Sound like he’s just being a dick and not a father

70/30 is selfish. The dad has much right to y’all’s child as you all do. Your one selfish and greedy lady. Sad sad sad what a disgrace you are.

It doesn’t matter how much you make , I made 8 hr, ex made 25 hr, I had to pay over 100 a week

Ashley Sanchez I will also agree with you.