My ex won't contact my son: Advice?

I just got out of a four year relationship where I allowed my partner to help raise my son from the time he was born. I was 7 months pregnant when we started dating. We always agreed that he would continue to be in my sons life. But now he not responding at all but my son still ask every day about his dad. It makes me sad.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex won't contact my son: Advice?re

I’m so sorry :disappointed: nothing breaks your heart more than someone breaking your child’s heart!!

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My daughter’s bio dad is similar. Get your son into therapy asap.

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I’m so sorry you are going through this! A friend of mine of going through the same expect her it’s the actual bio dad that left the kids with no contact , I wish I had advice

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While this is heartbreaking for your son, at the end of the day, your ex is not the father. You cannot force him to continue a relationship with your son. Get the kid into counseling or therapy. He’s gonna need it.

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Where I live, if a person raised a child for an extent period of time, bio or not they have to pay support.
However, that still doesn’t mean they must be a part of that child’s life.
This is one of those situations that you have to look at and say “I have no control over other people and what they choose to do”.
Just be there for your child. Perhaps seek counseling. Continue to give your child the support and love and stability they need.

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Been there my ex did the same thing but in our relationship we had two children together. When we broke up he decided to only be there for our bio kids. My daughter was heart broke asking why he doesn’t want to take her also. Dk how old your child is but if they are older All you can do is explain to them that you can’t make people be who you want them to be and sometimes people don’t make the best choices. I’ve heard other moms make excuses for their ex’s to their children. It’s really whatever your feel works best for your situation. I’m sorry he’s going through this.

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This may sound cruel, but let it pass. Your son is very young and likely won’t remember him as he gets older. The man is a piece of shit and will hurt your son picking and choosing if and when he wants to be in his life. Don’t make that your son’s life long story.

Its shitty but also, it is what it is. Personally, I wouldn’t reach out or anything…I would tell the kid(s) that daddy had to go…keep it as age appropriate as you can but don’t lie. He’s still young…he will be okay.
Also, your ex sucks for that.

I’m sorry you are going through this . by his actions shows he never loved your child to stay after y’all’s relationship just make your son understand that he was your boyfriend nothing more

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He’s not his dad sadly. Time to move on. I’ve had like 3 step dad’s lol

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He has absolutely no obligation to you or your child, unfortunately. That’s the risk you take when you allow people to get close. You can’t force anyone to be a parent, biological or not🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d take this loss & work on helping your child get thru this situation that you put them in…

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Biological dads do it all the time. Unfortunately there is not much you can do. If you have to beg someone to be in your childs life, should they really be in it? Blood or not.

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its not his responsibility to contact ur kid.

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He obviously doesn’t want to keep in touch sadly so Don’t contact him just explain to your son that you don’t know why and that he made the choice. You could leave the door open for one day if the guy has changed his mind but don’t tell the guy sometimes people struggle with stuff.

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Chelsy Culhane I think he must be close to 4, since they were together 4 years and she was 7 months pregnant when they got together.

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Out of respect for you son I would hope he’d do the right thing. That’s so sad.

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I’m going through a similar situation with my 2.5 year old asking for his “dada” but we have a no contact order and a pending case due to domestic violence taking place …

With you not knowing how “out” dad is … I’d be nice and just tell your son he’s out working and super busy for a while? See how it plays out before making “he’s gone and never coming back” type of statements ?

I know it’s hard. They don’t understand right now.

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You need to get him into some type of therapy. This is absolutely heartbreaking but this is why I advocate for honesty with your children. You should never, ever lie to your child about who their parents are or where they come from because now not only does he have to deal with the pain of losing his father figure, but you have to tell him that’s not even his dad which is going to open him up feelings of being deceived by you. You need to work on helping your child through this.

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While im sure it sucks, he isn’t the biological or legal father. He doesn’t have any obligation to do so. It would have been nice if he kept his word, but he doesn’t have to and he isn’t doing anything wrong by cutting ties.

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Maybe it’s too difficult for him, boys are weird with their feelings like that
But when it comes down to it hes not his father and you cant force him to stand by his word when he asks be honest but dont go into details or your feelings on it

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Unfortunately you’re just going to have to try and explain to him the best you can that it’s not because of him but he won’t be seeing his dad anymore. Even if you have to take the blame for a few years until he gets older and you can explain that he wasn’t his biological father. Is the biological father in his life? Do you get child support? There’s no easy way to break a kids heart for the first time. But the most important thing is to assure the child it’s not because of them or anything they did. It can definitely reflect on their self esteem and self worth.

Not his son not his problem. He dont have to stay in touch with your son. He dont owe yall anything the moment yall broke up

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I’d stop trying to communicate with your ex. He knows exactly what he’s doing and let that silence say everything.

Time and distractions for your son. Kiddo will be okay. :blue_heart:

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I don’t understand all the “too bad, not his problem” comments. Like of course it’s not his responsibility because he’s not the birth parent, but it’s really shitty for someone to raise a kid since birth for 4 years as his own and then disappear from the kid’s life - regardless of what happened with the mom. The mom is sad for her son and she has a right to be. Stop stating the obvious and give this woman some support or don’t comment at all :unamused:

Been there. My ex practically begged me to let him be the father figure to my son. We split & he doesn’t bother. It’s heart breaking as a mom. hugs :yellow_heart:

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There are a couple of children’s books you can read him or there may be some YouTube videos you can have him watch that are based on some books. Keep an open dialogue with your little one. :blue_heart:

I hate to say this…. I really do.
But as f*cked up as it is… he doesn’t have any claims to the baby. And being around might make it hard for him. I wish it was easier for people to keep promises like that. It’s hardest on the child when relationships fail. :disappointed: I hope he
Comes around

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It’s unfortunate but the only man who owes any responsibility to the child is his bio dad. Your ex stepped in but doesn’t owe him anything. It sucks for your son, maybe getting him therapy.

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There’s really nothing you can do. I’d seek therapy for your son to aid in helping him process and grieve this loss. I’m very sorry for your family.

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Well he isn’t his dad but even with bio dads we can’t and don’t force them to contact our children. My EX husband is my son’s bio dad but its been 2.5 yrs of NO contact. NEVER force someone to be in your child’s life. That’s how children end up injured or killed.

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Unfortunately can’t do anything about it. Even if it was his bio dad you literally cannot “make a parent be in their child’s life” smh

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That’s not his child therefore not his responsibility. You should NEVER expect someone to stick around when it’s not their child(ten).

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Yaaa as someone that has been the child twice in this situation, just get it over with. Tell your son the truth and move on. Also never let him do that again until he is AT LEAST a preteen and can understand what it means to choose a step parent. I know you want your son to have a father, it isn’t worth the risk though. I have the therapy bills and personality disorder to prove it.

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You should not have had that baby calling another man dad within less than five years anyway.

I have never understood people who have their kids call non family members family titles. Sadly it usually ends like this…call it what it is to ease confusion later.

People come and go that is a part of life whether is separation, death, distance, whatever. Teach him that.

Don’t have him call your next partner dad until he chooses to do so on his own without coercion.

This child literally won’t even remember that man later in life because he’s too young…

Focus on growing your own relationship with your son now…hold your head up high and boss up as the mama.

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Hell, my kids biological dad doesn’t talk to them. They try but he just doesn’t bother.
Some day he will regret it.

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There’s nothing you can do. Explain to your child he won’t be in his life anymore. Get him some therapy and help him move on.

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Kelsey Biggs the mom is at fault here. Stop having kids think men are their fathers if they’re not willing to legally commit. Too many moms do this and don’t understand these situations come with repercussions when a break up occurs.

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That’s a hard pill you have to swallow and not let him back in now that he has ignored the child.

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Tell the kid the truth

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Be grateful he showed you his true colors now,
Smh 

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This is why dating/relationships are tricky with kids involved. Sucks

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Not his problem :woman_shrugging:

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Sorry to be harsh but it was a very very bad idea to tell your son he was his father when he biology he isn’t
Cos this has now happened so you are going to have to explain to your child his father is not his real dad.
Do not lie to your child any longer cos trust me it will come back to bite you in the back side

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So. This did happen to me. It took about 1.5 yrs for my daughter to stop asking. She still brings him up. It is extremely sad and heartbreaking to see that happen to your child. But you can’t “force” someone to be around that just doesn’t want to be.

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I’am making over $135 an hour working online with 2 kids at home. I never thought I’d be able to do it but my best friend earns over $ 17531 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The potential with this is endless

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Unfortunately because you never had him legally adopt him then there’s nothing you can do.

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You just have to accept it unfortunately :pensive:

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I would get your child into therapy. He definitely needs an outlet for his feelings.
Perhaps reach out to the biological father, amd see if he would like to build a relationship with his son.

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This is exactly why I say step-kids/step-grandkids aren’t equal. We need to stop pretending. Now you have a little boy heartbroken because you allowed a man pretend to be his daddy. You have to explain to your son that he never was his dad & it was all a lie.

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Unfortunately, there isn’t really anything you can do. The same happened with my daughter and her biological father. She was almost 3 when we split and he just dipped out on her. She would cry and ask for him all the time. I refused to talk badly about him because I knew who he was, but she didn’t. I knew she would eventually figure it out on her own. She did, as she got older. In the mean time, when she would bring him up, I would make excuses for him - he’s sick - he’s at work - etc and then change the subject. Eventually she stopped asking. Now, my husband has legally adopted her and she has the dad that she deserves!

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Tell the child the truth and sadly you cant force the sperm donor to see his child.
I actually saught legal help to take my childrens sperm donor to court, after the 3rd time of not showing up, the papers were served so the dates was known, the judge ordered he was not to have contact with our children as he clearly wasnt interested to go to the court so obviously didnt want to see his children.
Then my children was told the truth, its now 23 years on and theyve still not seen him and have no interest too either.

I’d look into child support . Look into the laws surround child support where you are . If he’s accepted him for all this time , also if he is on the birth certificate…

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He has no obligation to be involved physically mentally emotionally nor financially anymore. It was your choice to let your child think this man was his father this whole time. You need to sit your child down and tell him in a age appropriately way the truth as hard as it is and let him ask questions.

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All you can do is redirect. You can’t make someone be a parent, especially if they aren’t one to begin with

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He is not the biological dad so he probably feels, clean break was better!

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Nothing you can do but console your son and be there for him

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You can’t force him to have a relationship with your child. Biological father or not. You just have to comfort your son

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Set your boundaries. Let him know what you will or won’t accept and if he doesn’t rise to the occasion then it is better to cut him out and help your son to grieve the loss. Sorry you are going through this :purple_heart:

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There’s nothing you can do but telling your son the truth,even if he was his bio dad you can not force live or a relationship

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Wow he really is some kind of MAN isn’t he. He built a relationship with your son and now he just dumps him? I really feel sorry for the boy. He is one you know what.

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He has no obligation and no legal rights. It’s sad for the child, but leave the man alone.

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If he doesn’t want to be involved he doesn’t have to be, especially since he technically isn’t the father. I wouldn’t push it cause if he doesn’t want to be involved then you don’t want him to be, trying to force him won’t be good for anyone.

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I’m so sorry, for your son and you.

I’m so sorry, it’s Heartbreaking😭

A similar thing happened with my son unfortunately:( the man I dated for nearly 4 years helped raise him from 2 years till he was nearly 6 and then when we split up all the promises of remaining in my sons life went out the window :disappointed: it’s been a long hard road but my son is doing a lot better now! He still asks about my ex all the time and says he misses him and doesn’t understand why he doesn’t call or see him and I’ve just explained that adults make choices like this sometimes and we have no control of their actions but that I know my ex loves him dearly. It’s been hard and sad but I promise your son will be okay!! He has his mama and that will always be enough :two_hearts:

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You do nothing.

Hes not the bio. He has 0 obligation to you or that child.

Biggest part about meeting someone once you have a child is juat because they say they will stick around if it ended don’t mean its true. He was a father because he was with you he’s not now so he’s aware he has no ties to you or said child.

Sucks bur nothing you can do

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as much as it hurts your son, let it go–why would anyone want to beg someone to be in their child’s life, biological or not biological?

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Somtimes it’s better that way

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Idk how long it’s been but maybe give it some time? It sounds like it’s very fresh and most guys need space.

Can’t force it. Just let it go

This type of scenario is exactly why I don’t want anybody I date getting close to my kids. Better off being single.

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Talk to him maybe he has a new girl friend and she wants him forget about the child…

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U can only control what u do. Go on with your life. It is definitely your ex loss.

Nothing learn from your mistake and protect your child in the future

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Just let it go. You cannot force someone to be in any child’s life. It might be for the better anyway. I’ve learned with my boys they contacted their dads when they were of age and my daughter said she don’t care for family members who are around but don’t care to be around that it’s whatever their loss she says.

Stop teaching your son to expect that specific man to come through for him. Guide his attention to an alternative role model. Don’t let this derail him

I’m sorry your son and you are going through this. Y’all just keep busy. I learned 30 years ago, you can’t make anyone be the parent they should be

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Sorry but not his kid not his problem

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You can’t force someone to be there when they don’t want to be.

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He’s not the dad he has zero responsibility to that child, you can’t expect him to raise a child that’s not his when you’re the mother and it’s your child and your responsibility

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Where is his actual dad? This man, regardless of the claims he was throwing out there to reel you in, is not the dad, and has no responsibility to call or do anything for you and another mans child. His dad needs to be located and he needs to take on his roll. If he is non existent, and not because you had another man and pushed him away, nonexistent, but non existent on his own, meaning he does not want anything to do with him…Raise your child and make it a happy home for him. Focus is on him and you!!! Sorry not sorry, a lot of men will say anything you want to hear, to get you!!!

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I’d like to hear his side of the story

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Is your son only 5 or so?
If so, he probably doesn’t want to hear or communicate with you. So just let it go. Until son is older amd can communicate himself.

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Actually if it’s not his he probably feels no ties 2 him. U can’t force him & it all depends on how old ur son is now & that’ll be the factor of how u tell / explain it 2 him

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Not surprised, most don’t.
Don’t put your child in this situation again and let time heal this

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Frankly dear, there is nothing you can do. He made his choice and all you can do is carry on. Don’t talk bad about him, just say “I don’t know sweetie”. He has you… that’s what matters most.

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Did this guy sign the birth certificate?

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Reason #5748382726364 not to bring strange men into your kids life :woman_shrugging: as a girl with way too many fathers, if I end up a single mom my son wont have to worry about that.

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Quite a sad lesson you’ve learnt.

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I’m sorry his lies have affected you , as well as your son :sob:

When I met my kids dad , I too was 7months pregnant . She’s now 11 , we have been split for 5years , and he has never taken his word back . We do have a child together of his own , which I guess factors into the situation, but even without her , he would still keep his promise and raise our daughter whether we are together or not . He is the best thing God has blessed me with , and I will never look down , talk down , or think down of him xx Real men keep their promise , little boys make empty promises with big expectations …

Not all men are alike , and I hope you and lil man find a comfort with just you and him .

Fake dad has made his bed , let him sleep in it and guilt trip himself from his lies xx Son is better off without that excuse of a man , and you don’t want him learning from someone like that xx

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Don’t force someone to be there when you can be there. Explain to your son that you really are not sure what’s going on in the guys life but mommy is here and will never leave you

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There’s nothing you can do. This is exactly why you don’t teach your kids that any man you bring around is their “new daddy”

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First: he is your EX for a reason. It’s hard, but time for both of you to move on.

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He is not the father don’t expect him to wether you agreed about it or not.

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