You need to know your child is safe and around people your trust. You are not wrong for wondering what her intentions are if your children are going to be in her presence!
When women act like this my first question would be: is he saying something unsavory about me to her so that she doesn’t want to have a relationship with me? My ex would constantly do that to put a barrier between the woman he’s with and me when the only thing I wanted to do was know her enough to know who was around my kids. In fact, I’m completely against letting him be the sole decider in who gets to be around them or influence them. That may sound controlling but I’ve always been incredibly forthcoming about my husband and relationship so he knows the person around his son is positive and supportive. I think relaying your message to your ex husband is worthy of a try. It seems like there is something incredibly off about her behavior and for someone that doesn’t know you it seems like her perception of you isn’t good so she stays away.
In a court case (currently going through court myself) it does not matter if you met this woman/know this woman… sorry to say that, all that matters in court are that the kids are safe and get time with the other parent. A judge rarely cares if the other parties get along or knows each other… its about the kids… you really don’t have a say on who your ex is with.
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Honestly you can only try to reach out. In the end his relationship is just that, his. If she doesn’t want to meet you, that is between him and her. Yes it suck and is odd, but that is his business. She doesn’t have to have a relationship with you. You could try to reach out to her yourself, but beyond that I would leave it alone. His time with the kids is his.
I would try to reach out to her personally either text or fb and send a message and if she fails to respond then let it be maybe she just needs to be ready to meet and will come around when she is.
Hmmm, there’s a good chance he doesn’t want you two to know each other because you can compare notes and figure out how shady he is? I bet he’s not passing on the invites to her and he’s probably telling her you were the problem in the relationship. I sound like a pessimist but this is typical of a narcissist who wants to maintain control. 
I used to date ppl that had kids and I was shocked that the mothers never even cared to know anything about me. I could be sitting in the house when they dropped the kids off and they wouldn’t even acknowledge me. Now that I have kids I couldn’t imagine not wanting or even kinda needing to know something about them . I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to protect your children. Most ppl won’t drop their kids off at a daycare or babysitter without some type of info.
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I would call her and personally and asked for a coffee date. Just the 2 of you in a public place.
Is he maybe marrying a man and scared to tell you? 
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Demand it! They’re your kids!
Not negotiable!
There hidden something she could be married all reddy or she could be someone you all reddy no good luck with it all
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We dont know what she knows. He may not have even told her that he has children
Maybe he is lying to her and he doesn’t want you to find out
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He probably is lying and doesn’t have anyone.
The issue may not have anything to do with the children. She (they) probably just don’t want any interactions with you! A lot of ex-wives/girlfriends/baby mamas try to insinuate themselves into their exes new relationship. This can get very messy. Some exes purposely use the “kids,” to stay in the mix, sabotage and destroy their exes relationship. Sometimes it’s better for the new relationship to thrive by keeping clear lines of distance, from the ex-wife and the new wife and for the ex husband to deal only with his children, so that things don’t get muddy and blurry. There’s that!!!
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Definitely don’t understand! My man’s ex wanted to meet and I wanted meet her! We all get along!!! It is a huge relief knowing the person your children will be around is going to treat them right!
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Your not wrong but you really don’t have a say. Went through this . Although she is good to my daughter the two of them constantly over stepped boundaries and he moved in with her 5 months after being with her. I asked that the children not be around her in the beginning because it was too soon and they didn’t listen to me . They caused a bunch of shit for me. They are married now after being together for almost 5 years and married for 1 year .
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I would do the same. Just because I want to make sure my child will feel safe. My ex knows my boyfriend, they really don’t talk but I always make sure that my ex knows my son is being treated well. I don’t think you are overstepping. You need to know who will be around your children when they are with the other parent, as in relationship wise.
Yeah she and I would need to meet face to face before he married her for sure.
That’s odd… I am the stepmom and I wanted the mother to know I’m going to take care of her child. Her and I aren’t exactly friends but we get along well enough to make sure we work together on things for the kid.
I would ask her first if your ex passed along the invites. Start from there. You don’t know what he has told her.
I know this feeling.
My exes girlfriend doesn’t want me and him to chat at all. She doesn’t want him to enter my house. She doesn’t want me to even drive up to theirs. It’s bizarre. Like, we HAVE to meet somewhere even though for the last LITERALLY NINE YEARS we’ve been super civil, I’d say even close, and were always very open, honest and inviting because that’s the relationship you should have for your kid!! It used to drive me crazy, but I told him as long as she isn’t abusive mentally or physically and says none of that shit directly to my kid, then whatever he assured me she doesnt, and my son also said she’s nice and kinda just doesn’t really engage with him much. Some chicks are whack and you just gotta let them be.
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maybe she had a bad experience before with a baby mom? my husbands bm is and was horrible to me from day one. no matter how much i was there the my stepdaughter or tried to get to know this bitch. dont push her to get to know u or meet u. and (god forbid) if we ever split and i date again and get with someone who has kids, itll take alot for me to be comfortable to meet the mother…its not the end of the world if u dont know her that well. as long as your kids are treated right thats all that matters. trust ur ex to know that he wouldn put his and ur kids in harms way. and yes. imo. u are over stepping boundaries. let it go
Go directly to her let her know you’ve been trying to invite her and trying to establish some sort of relationship since she will be in your children’s lives. If she’s a bitch then so be it make sure your kids are good fkk your ex and his childish views on adulting and coparenting. Got me all the way fkkd up if a women was going to be around my children long term and she ain’t finna be cordial with me.
Have you actually met this women before?
Is she married to someone else and promising to leave her husband? Do you even know her name?
Maybe it’s all made up to make you jealous or to get you to come back. I mean, its 2021…people don’t not live together before marriage and definitely don’t not live together after marriage.
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Unless it’s stated in the court order then there doesn’t have to be a meeting the moving in part sounds fishy but it’s not happening to you.
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Sounds like hes marrying a dude not a she
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Id confront her . period. See wtf her problem is. Doesn’t seem like a very good fit if u ask me
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Are you the one dating her? No? Then shut up
My exs wife was like that. His wife would be watching our son but she wouldn’t let me have her phone number. If she needed to call she blocked her number. Lmao. She eventually made him.stop seeing our 3 kids because she so deeply wanted nothing to do with his kids or me and then they got married and she had him change his last name to her last name. Women like that make me actually sick. If you get with a man who has kids you need to be involved with that part of his life if that relationship is serious. For some reason these women want to act like their man doesn’t have kids already and thats a huge red flag. Why would she act like that about the kids. I mean she probably doesn’t feel comfortable being around you but she can meet you and she should go to the kids birthday parties with her man. Thats being completely unreasonable just like my exs new wife. He keeps making excuses for his gf because he’s probably embarrassed thats shes acting like a little 12 year old and doesn’t want shit to do with his kids. Thats messed up and the fact he’s allowing it is another red flag
Something tells me you ex husband doesn’t pass on anything to her. If he thinks you’re overstepping the boundaries for sure he hasn’t told her of any invites.
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Idky ppl keep saying this guy is guy or that his gf is made up. She must know she’s real otherwise she probably would’ve mentioned that she has suspicions that he has a made up gf. Obviously she knows the gf is real. Its hard to believe that some women are like that, I agree but my ex married an older lady that was just like this and worse. Some women act in very poor taste. If you don’t want anything to do with the kids your man has with his ex thats perfectly fine but then go find a different man that doesn’t have any kids because thats not how the world works.
The fiancé isn’t required to do anything with you. No court order could control that.
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You absolutely have the right to check out any person who has contact with your children!! What are they hiding??
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I don’t think you’re wrong. Maybe she’s just very self-centered and doesn’t really care about anyone but herself. Maybe she doesn’t exist. Maybe she is a he and he (ex)doesn’t know how to tell you. Regardless you deserve to know who is around your children.
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She’s fake… he made her up to make you jealous and now it’s gone on for 2 years. Right before the so-called wedding they are going to suddenly break up
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She’s going to be your children’s step mother. You’re not crossing any boundaries. That is a weird situation, and I would feel the same way you do. 
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Can you reach out to her? My ex husband didn’t want me meeting his new gf, but yet he was going camping (with my fiancé, our kids and I), coming to our kids birthday parties and had full access to my fiancé. So I reached out to her and asked her if she would like to attend some family activities, and we ended up good friends, and remain friends since they have broken up.
That’s his issue. Let him deal with it.
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You do not get a say in his life regardless of who he brings into his life. She doesn’t have yo meet you nor do you have tje right” yo meet her
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If it not in court order , then she dont have to meet u , father have just much rights chose who he have around his kids on his time ,so she dont want meet and isnt around kids much and kids r having ok time w dad and her , then let it be
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I’ve been with my husband 22/23 years… he had two little girls at the time from his divorced wife… I’ve NEVER met her… I didn’t meet the girls for 3 years of our relationship bc the girls were going through a rough time since bio mom just got married… I never once tried to be mom or ever step mom… I just wanted to be accepted. I totally understand why his soon to be partner is doing what she is…I did it too.
I wouldn’t want to get to know you either with attitude like that. Safe and secure around her? Fml. Get over yourself.
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You need to let it go but also tell him if he marries her and makes her their step mom then you want to meet her in regards to the kids.
If it’s not in your custody agreement, then there’s really nothing you can do. It already sounds like their relationship is unconventional, as far as her/ them not moving in right alway. I’d continue to invite and make an effort, but if she doesn’t want to meet, without a court order she doesn’t have to.
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Momma!!! You are a rock star!!! Bless your heart for putting the needs of your children number one!
If you have the funds hire a private investigator. See what she has to hide. Find out who she is down to what toothpaste she uses.
Find out who her friends are. Who her exes are. That will help you find out what kind of person she is.
My concern for you is that she will do one of two things once they are married:
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She will convince the dad to never take visitation and walk away from his kids.
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She will make your life a drama filled nightmare putting your children in the middle and hurting your children
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I see where your coming from. My ex and I had this rule and it was followed for the most part. We’re both now married and we do double dates with the kids all the time. This Sunday were going to a water park with all our gremlins.
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She isn’t your ex, and doesn’t have kids with you, why does she need to meet you?
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Some of these negative responses are blowing my mind. Tells me you guys either don’t have children or don’t care about making sure your kids are safe. My mind is blown at anyone who says she “doesn’t have the right” to know this woman who is going to become part of her children’s lives.
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I wouldn’t want some stranger who’s name I barely know and face I haven’t seen, being alone and watching my kids.
As a mother, I have a right to know who will be around my kids.
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I would just let it go if you trust that he’s a good dad he’s not going to put your kids in danger. It’s probably not that she doesn’t want to get to know your kids not everyone wants to hang out with their mans ex especially if they feel like you’re pushing boundaries they don’t want to make it worse. Your kids will let you know if there is something to be worried about I wouldn’t stress over it. It’s nice of you to try though not everyone can handle that kind of situation.
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I didn’t meet my stepsons mom until the oldest graduated from high school 10 yrs after their father and I started dating.
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Personally, I think you rock!! I wish more women put there kids first like this. I would keep trying. Your gonna get to meet her at some point. She can’t hide forever especially after they move in together. You deserve to meet the woman who is gonna be your kids step mom. She sounds like she needs to grow up and she is either selfish or immature. If your marrying the guy… then you need to meet the kids and there mom it’s a package deal.
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I get that you want to meet her so you feel comfortable with the situation, but what if you met her and didn’t feel comfortable with her around your kids? Would you voice that to your ex? Because most of the time, nothing will be done and you’ll be told it’s not a big deal. My ex’s “fiancé”(in quotes bc they break up weekly) was on drugs,an alcoholic, and everyone knows she was the “neighborhood bicycle” as they worded it. But when I brought all of this up, I was told to mind my own business and she’d be around them whether I like it or not.
It’s a bit controlling to me. If you trust the Dad with the kids then that’s all you need. He is their parent too.
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It’s a Mother’s responsibility to be aware of who comes around her kids. Why can’t she get to meet his soon to be wife… sounds fishy to me… it’s not overstepping… why does she have to wait for if they in danger to fix the issue… na she has every reason to feel like how she feels… I mean she’s not asking for friendship just to know and see who will be a step mom to kids… I mean she is remarried and I’m sure the kids dad made a big deal about seeing the man so why should it be diffrent for her…
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My first thought is, does she even like kids? What’s going to happen to visitation after they get married? As a mother, I want to know who our children will be around. My kids will ALWAYS be first.
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Some of these comments are astonishing to me. You have every right to meet this woman who is supposedly gonna be your children’s bonus mom! That’s a BIG role. That will effect your children’s life drastically. It’s v normal for you to get to know her considering you’ll be entrusting her to lead your children when they’re at their dads. It’s kinda sketchy that she’s never around, makes me wonder if she’s trying to get him to leave the kids for good so she can have her own family. Seems jealous, idk I’m j saying you have a right and anyone who thinks differently don’t care about their children’s best interest enough.
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I completely understand that you what to know what type of person she is and if she will be good for your children however that being said the courts dont give a rat’s ass about what you think about your children’s future step mother. When your ex has the kids it is on him and his judgment to who he let’s around them and sadly there isnt much you can do about it unless you can discredit him and his judgment process. And if there is something hinky about her then you equally need to discredit her or find something in her background that will give the courts reason to not let her be around them. Best of luck to you.
You have every right to know her. I have always made a point in knowing who my children will be around, but I’ve never had to deal with the other woman not agreeing. I have however been the other woman, and the children’s mother have no desire to get to know me, which has always blown me away.
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I have to laugh at some of these negative comments. If this last is marrying their dad a d going to be part of their life she has every right to want to meet her. If the shoe was on the other foot ye would want what’s best for your kids and that means having a relationship with the step parents.
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His new Mrs. Is probably a Mr. And doesn’t know how to tell you.
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Are you sure she is not a he
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Maybe your ex is scared of what you might say about him. Lol
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I agree with You Mom. If my kids are gonna living in the house with someone ,I’m darn sure am going to meet them (maybe do a criminal background check too !) Do what’s right for your kids sake .Much love !
I think you’re doing the right thing, it’s important to know people who will have full access to your kids. It’s coparenting to trust each other n to do that u need to know each other. I’m sorry that she’s not wanting to be involved, that should be a red flag for the man she’s gonna marry I mean who marry someone who has zero interest in their kids!
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No you are definitely not wrong. That is really weird that she is acting like that. Me and my daughter’s mother have a good relationship with each other and I wouldn’t want it any other way!!! And after she was dating her boyfriend for over a year, she first introduced us to him before he met our daughter.
They’re probably still together for the kids in her situation…I can’t think of anything else…
Also I’ve been with my husband going seven years and I’ve never had a conversation with the mom /ex wife. We’ve been to our oldest son’s school graduation in middle school once but didn’t say anything. She didn’t even want to take a picture with my husband for the child’s asking
Too many red flags coming from her to just back off. I’d personally want to get to know her better cause something just isn’t right so don’t back off momma. Hard to trust some body when you can’t even get a chance to know them!
Marriage for citizenship.
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She probably just doesn’t really care about the kids or you. I have a friend who’s step mom would go away for the weekends her dad had them, 4 kids. She really never made a presence til the youngest was out out of HS. Some people just don’t like kids.
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for me i wouldnt want to participate in these functions either .i would be very uncomfortable
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I’m guessing it’s just a imaginary person he is dating 
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Thts so weird to me because my kids step mom does everything for them! She’s the absolute best and we’ve become best friends over the years, I love her to death and she’s just as much my kids mother as i am! 
I even babysit her and my ex’s child they have together I love her like she’s my own!
I’d want to know her if I were you, seems odd that she’s never around.
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She’s not obligated to meet you. She doesn’t have to talk to you. Ask any judge. If it’s not stated in the custody papers then she has no obligation to you. Stop trying to control what he does with his life and future wife
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There’s def something that he is hiding from you and your kids
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Not wrong! I already told my husband if we ever split no woman will be around our child until I meet her first and the same goes for any man! I want to know at least he will be safe with her…. And taken care of
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You may want to meet her but she apparently is not interested in meeting you and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
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If me and my husband split I will be meeting any woman he will be with as same for him we have already stated this as we have 2 daughters and their safety happiness and well being is all that matters to us I also have 2 bonus kiddos grown now but 1 of their mothers we are great friends I even hired her to work for me we still have a great friendship and coparenting has been a breeze even when we had to take her to court and take custody of his daughter she never fought us back because she knew the situation she and her kids were in was very toxic and to this day she thanks me for being there for our daughter and now our grandchildren now the other mother was beyond toxic and lied and did everything she could to keep him and his son apart now she is in jail he has a great relationship with his dad so see she is just wanting to have a united front for her children it definitely takes a village
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My husband had 2 kids from a previous relationship, I had 1. The only interaction we have with each others exs are at functions for the kids (sports games, open house, recitals, etc.). But we still keep our distance. We do separate birthday parties, holidays, etc. I dont want to get to know his ex, and I dont think there is anything wrong with that.
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Most of the responses astound me. What if the messages were never relayed? What if this woman has absolutely no idea that mom is trying to reach out and include her? I would find a way to contact her directly and talk to her.
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RED FLAGS! All around
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I don’t think your overstepping by trying to meet her, but she’s not obligated to say yes. But it dose seem like he’s keeping something from you and he might not even be passing the invite to her. Maybe it’s someone you know and he’s ashamed or it’s a man 
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You have every right to know who your kids are around and to know they’re safe. Why ANYONE would think it’s okay or willingly brag that they don’t want to know their step kids parent, is beyond me. Sounds like a bunch of bitter ass insecure women in the comments.
I can relate all too much with this lol. Father of my child has been married to his wife 2.5 years ish now and I still haven’t met her. She wants nothing to do with me but expects to see MY child? They’re all crazy. Luckily my kid is old enough and all that matters is she’s happy and safe. If there was ever anything that was wrong she would tell me. I’ve accepted that I’ll never meet my kids step mom and at this point I don’t even care.
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Are you sure she truly exists? What woman would marry a man with children, and not meet/get to know the children ahead of time? Sounds strange, but I think what you are doing is nice-nothing wrong.
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Nothing wrong your doing the right thing just keep trying 
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Are you sure she’s real?
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Your ex husband is hiding something about her that he doesn’t want you to know about maybe? Or he knows you two will get along so well and then maybe talk about him to each other. He is threatened by something in my opinion.
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I agree with Wilma Gunton there is something hes hiding and it could be the fact he doesnt want the two of you talking. Could she be pregnant? Could she be a sex offender? (Some women are) I would put my foot down the day she moves in with him and say those kids can not stay at his place until you meet the new wife. Thats just terrifing.
I dont agree with women or men keeping their kids away from the other parent. But some circumstances are necessary.
She clearly wants nothing to do with you lmao. Grow up and move along.
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IMO it’s immature of both of them. She should want to know you, and she should understand you wanting to know her. Ridiculous.
Have you ever met her?
It is possible that he’s an asshole and has painted you in a awful light to make her think better of him, and if she met you or went to any type of gathering she would see though his stories right Away ( personal experience) or it’s possible that she just doesn’t want to have anything to do with you or your kids. Some people are like that , maybe she purposely won’t be around when your kids go to visit. I don’t think your over stepping your bounds in wanting to know who’s around your kids but if this woman truly doesn’t want to know you that is her right.
Your in the right he’s in the wrong
Hopefully she’s not family or a friend 
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Are you sure that she is not a he?
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Something is n ot on the up and up
She likely has an issue with him having kids and a decent relationship with you. Stop pushing for anything and hope like hell that she doesn’t mess your kids up too badly.