I have been with my fiancé for just over three years. He proposed to me this Valentine’s Day in a big way and I said yes. Since then my 21 year old daughter has not spoken to me and has blocked me on all social media. I am in love with a man with a mental illness which at times can be challenging. He has taken steps to be the best version of himself he can be. He takes medication and sees and psychiatrist. My family is concerned for me and do not condone our engagement. I am divorced from a man who had cheated on me after 20 years of marriage and he is the father of my children. My kids do not like the idea of my fiancé becoming a permanent fixture. I have no intention of leaving him. I love him very much and we are absolutely amazing together. He is my best friend and I have never ever felt such a connection to anybody. He loves me and is not afraid to let the world know. He is bipolar and has ADHD which is rough at times. However, we have the tools to navigate this. I love my daughter very much but she does not get to decide who I am allowed to keep company with. Without question they have seen the very worst of him. But, do not ever see the very best of him which I get to everyday. His outbursts are impactful and that is what is always remembered, never the good. He is so much more then his mental illness and by choice I am committed to our life. I love him, but not his mental illness. I have no intention of marrying soon. I do love the commitment though. Our friends and extended family have been extremely supportive. However, my immediate family is upset by my choice to commit long term. How can we get passed this? I am making it clear that giving up my relationship is not an option. My children are away at school and home just a few weeks out of the year and each time they are home has gotten better. My daughter refuses to give him a chance even though he has been great to her. They do have a history… battling for my attention. At times I am so emotionally drained from her because she fixates on any tiny fault. I love my children and I love my fiancé. But it’s taking it’s toll on me. Im trying to make her see that he genuinely is a great person, just plagued by a mental illness. Any advice would be appreciated.
I think you should do what makes you happy… Your daughter will come around
You are allowed to move on and you are allowed to be happy.
If your kids are grown do you. Be happy. If not your kids should come first.
Having a mental illness is not a “get out of consequences free card” and you’re excusing his behaviour like your daughter’s emotional wellbeing doesn’t matter… you’re her mother and she is your daughter no matter how old she is… Sounds like your daughter has her reasons to not want him to become a permanent fixture in her home and she’s as entitled to her feelings if you are to yours.
So I guess the real question is are you prepared to lose your daughter for this man? Because you very likely will.
Grown children have no say in who you spend time with . Same as you don’t have a say in their love life.
I commend U for staying in the relationship and not just breaking things of because of his mental illness. Maybe try writing a letter to your daughter explaining why U have the love U do for this man regardless of his mental illness. Children don’t get to pick who we love. Maybe go to counseling and try to work through the issue. I say all of this speaking from experience. Bipolar is a tough mental Illness to have and U need all the support U can get. It’s hard sometimes because people won’t educate themselves. If they did they would probably see things very differently. I’m grateful my family stuck by me through my ups and downs.
Praying for your family to find a solution that works for U. Congratulations on your engagement. Blessing to U both. As for your daughter give her time and live your life. U seem happy at the end of the day that’s what matters.
Sounds like everyone is concerned for their safety and yours too. If he’s already had “outbursts,” how can you guarantee anyone’s safety around your fiancé? What happens if he refuses to take his meds? I’m not saying leave him, just prepare for every eventuality.
Do your kids live with you during the year? Has he moved in with you? It’s their home too if so. Do they have locks on their doors? Bipolar and ADHD are tough to deal with individually, much less together, and it can range from annoying to devastating behavior. Work with his docs & therapist/s to help everyone deal, and do NOT share a bank account or credit card with him.
I hope that everyone moves cautiously and with kindness and things work out for the best.
You do you…be happy 
You’ve sort of thrown your kids into the deep end with a guy with his difficulties. If there has been history then you can’t really expect her to just out that to bed. Maybe write her a letter and speak to your fiance and explain that she will need some time to come round and its normal for some kids to have this stance when their parents meet someone. Sounds like he will need more reassurance than your daughter incase he really took her attitude to heart. Having history tho? You can’t excuse his behaviour either.
Are you willing to lose the relationship with your daughter for a man it sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself is a good man? I don’t care how grown my children are, if they would literally cut contact with me over a guy I’m seeing, I wouldn’t be seeing him anymore. There are plenty of fish in the sea but you only have so many children.
My answer is based on your children being grown/adults
Mental patients are capable of love. Many of us love. Therapy/counseling is NEEDED for both of you. I appreciate you caring for this sick person, in my experience people just wash their hands of mental illness its so degrading for said person. Good luck to you.
Goodness gracious! You raise big RED FLAGS everywhere!
I am in love with a man with a mental illness which at times can be challenging.
He is bipolar and has ADHD which is rough at times.
Without question (the family) have seen the very worst of him.
His outbursts are impactful and that is what is always remembered, never the good.
I love him, but not his mental illness.
I am making it clear (to your immediate family) that giving up my relationship is not an option.
he genuinely is a great person, just plagued by a mental illness.
“Any advice would be appreciated”. Do you really want advice? You have not accepted it from those closest to you, who love you. Why would you accept it from strangers? Obviously, you see those RED FLAGS, since you mention them in your comments (which I’ve repeated as a list): He has a “challenging mental illness”, which is “rough at times”. The family has seen “the worst of him”. So have you. He has “outbursts”. You don’t mention what he does during those “outbursts”- threaten you? Break things? Out of control to the point of police involvement? I don’t know. You don’t say.
Your response to your family has been, “I love the Mr. Hyde side of him. I just ignore, or diminish the Dr. Jekyll because, other than that, he’s a really nice guy.”
Maybe show them this post. Let them read it, It says everything pretty perfectly and discuss it with them as they are reading it. Explain how you feel and listen to them
You can say yes, your family will accept it or not. You can’t always live up to all their expectations just as they’re not likely to live up to yours, either. You’ll be fine. 
I hope that you aren’t excusing abuse by saying he has a mental illness. Maybe your children are concerned for you and see things for what they are. It’s an amazing feeling to be in love but sometimes it clouds our judgement. I don’t mean to speculate but I’ve noticed you’ve referenced his mental illness several times and have stated they’ve seen him at his worst.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best.
One question i need to ask is why have your children only seen the bad times with him??? Does the bad out way the good?? You need to be prepared to lose your children for this man can you do that??? These are questions you need to answer yourself…
Good luck !!
Listen to your family .they are seeing all the red flags and know you best.sometimes our loved ones can see a bad relationship clear as day.they aren’t loved up and wearing rose tinted glasses
Sounds like my mom when she was in an abusive relationship for years. Mental illness MAY explain your fiancés behavior, but it in NO WAY justifies it or makes it even the slightest bit less impactful, toxic and damaging.
It sounds like you children have witnessed his abuse towards you, and likely been victims of it themselves. Expecting them to now accept him and just forgive and move on is unfair and will probably cause irreparable harm to your relationship with your children.
Now just decide if having him in your life is more important than having your kids in your life. And if it is, tell your kids that.
Something someone said to me recently…you’re biased by your emotion to make judgment impartially. Your family has an outside view of things. If all your family ever see is the bad, I would be questioning why. Mental illness is irrelevant, his behaviour is not.
You might be to close in your relationship to see the red flags your family is seeing. It’s going to be a tough road if you’re family sees the red flags and you don’t… Have you asked what the reasons are for their dislike towards him?
You’re drained by your daughter distress of his abuse and needing you to be a mother but not his constant meltdowns? Your priorities are wrong.
I feel like there is not enough information here to be able to give advice on this situation
Why has your daughter only seen the worst of him? What specific things have happened for your family to only see the ‘mental illness’
Maybe stop trying to prove to your daughter that he’s a great person and strengthen your relationship with her as a separate entity xx
I’ve been told a person cant’t have both bipo and adhd? But adhd often gets diagnosed as bipo at first. Adhd is not a sickness, it’s just a different brain from the birth. Doesn’t sound bad to me at all, adhd ppl are the best. That age your daughter is in, and the fact you were so long together with her dad, are just a natural reaction and I think your daughter will get used to him over time.
That being said, I have no idea of the worst things on him? Don’t let him treat you wrong! No matter what’s wrong with him, it’s his job to make it better. Not yours.
It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself that he’s a good man despite his mental illness. I feel like there is more to why your daughter won’t speak to you over this man. If he physically or emotionally harmed her in any way, that should be enough for you to end the relationship. You are going to miss out on her life, and possible grandchildren’s lives because of this. That’s a no go for me.
I am in the process of divorce from a man I loved with my entire heart. With all of my being, but he was mentally and emotionally abusive to my children, especially my daughter. I chose my children over him. I will always choose my children. They are my number one.
Please reconsider this relationship. He’s not worth that loss. No one is.
Family over everything. I could never : would never try to make my daughter adjust to Someone they clearly are uncomfortable / don’t like for good reasons then why are you with him??
I think you need to evaluate your priorities.
No man would be worth me loosing my family over!!! Not in this life time!!!
It sounds like yes he may have a mental illness but his “outbursts” are either physically or otherwise abusive and you stay because he blames it on his mental illness…
I’m not saying someone with a mental illness is unlovable but I am saying your family has seen him abuse you…
I am also concerned that you would let a relationship with your daughter be destroyed because you chose abuse over them
Please read what you just type. You are underplaying his outburst and over selling the relationship, that itself is a red flag. You’re so wrapped up by this man that you are ignoring the red flags and don’t want to hear from the people that can see through it all. You’re blaming your daughter for dealing with his meltdowns instead of holding your man accountable. Be honest with yourself and stop making excuses. If he is that great stop seeking other validation
What happens when he decides he no longer need treatment or medication what will the outburts become? I’ve lived it. I wouldn’t commit fully to someone you think is ok medicated because they may choose to become unmedicated and that’s a whole new person to deal with
F. U for putting a man over your kids.
Your kids come first no matter how old they are.
She doesn’t have to accept a man she doesn’t like or who makes her uncomfortable because your her mother . Your making a choice and that unfortunately is the consequences of that choice. So can you live with the absence of your man in your life , or the absence of your daughter in your life ? She obviously like you said has seen his outbursts , she isn’t in love with him though , just because you have a nice side sometimes doesn’t make being abusive to other people acceptable and it definitely doesn’t mean other people have to forgive and forget because you have 
As someone married to someone with BPD, I want to make it clear to you, you are making a clear choice. You are choosing an unstable partner and I do believe that your family has a right to be concerned for three reasons that I read from your post. The first is that your husband cheated on you after 20 years and that hurt and pain may skew your vision of who this man is as well as your tolerance level. Make sure you are not overlooking some key factors that go into a relationship that you might minimize as compared to your ex husband. Grade your new partner amongst the best example of men, not the worst. The second thing I read was you saying was you love the commitment but do not plan on marrying any time soon. The way I understand it is you have a gut feeling that you are not ready but clearly said yes to this man. I’m sure I’m projecting but I feel that you only said yes as to stay committed. When someone asks you to get married it’s because it is the natural next step in your relationship, not to hold off until a you’ll be ready in a few more years. And lastly, the biggest one of all is disassociating your partner from his mental illness, “I love him, not his mental illness”. I did that for many years. I separated my husband when he was good to me from when he was not as if he was two different people. They are the same person and saying his his “outbursts are impactful” is a nice way of saying he is abusive emotionally and mentally (hopefully not physically). Impactful can mean a range of things from screaming and yelling to throwing and breaking things all of which are not ok. The reason other friends are supportive is because they have not gotten as close to the outbursts as your kids and if you downplay them as you did in this post, that is not an accurate way to view support. Trust your daughter, who is fighting to protect you. Don’t give up your inner circle. At the end of the day when your sitting there drained after one of his outbursts, you will have no one left by your side and you will think back to this moment when you could’ve made a difference. I wish you love and peace and true understanding of what you are accepting and what you are choosing to lose in exchange for commitment.
I find it odd you are not detailed in what your daughter and immediate family has seen to make them cautious. Mental illness or not if they witnessed abuse they should be concerned
Family is the most important u should never put anyone before your children if they have a problem there is a reason for that go look in the mirror and ask yourself do u want to loose your daughter because the way your going about it now u most certainly will your priority should be your daughter
Be Careful is an understatement
You obviously don’t know what you are signing up for.
Yikes. This sounds rough, you are clearly not seeing what they are. Please read what your writing. I pray for your safety, good luck mama
My mother’s partner is a junkie with disabilities and mental health issues and just like every other man she has been with has put him first qnd I won’t ever forgive her and she’s no longer in my life.
Your children over a man always! Even if they are adult children.
Sometimes the ones we love see things we can’t. If your daughter has only seen the worse of him is it only when she is around because this can be a red flag.
Maybe a counselor for you all together? Just an unbiased listening ear to here both sides and mediate and explain things to each of you to help you understand the other person’s views and concerns better. Sounds like the healthiest option to me if everyone is willing to participate in that.
I think this entire story is based on what happened during the “outbursts”, which she didn’t get into detail about; a lot depends on what he did!
And for the people yelling at her for putting her own happiness before her kids………her kids are grown! Now is the time to make choices for herself! If her kids were little, then that would be a different story………but they’re not!
But to sum it up, I can’t give you any advice without knowing what he’s done 
I mean, if he’s beat you or put his hands on family members, then I totally get why they don’t like him & surely don’t blame them. So the most important piece of information is missing from your story.
Abuse is abuse, mental illness or not. Kanye has diagnosed bipolar as well…still not an excuse for abuse of any form. Sometimes a mental illness can become a crutch or excuse for abusers to use. I feel like we have not heard the full story and your family is concerned for your safety, that’s all I really need to know. Listen to your child, who apparently was made to battle for her mother’s attention. Never, ever choose a man above your children. No matter what age. There are other non abuse men. There’s only one of your daughter.
U should be putting ur kids first! Seems to me ur putting this man first and he’s loving it! Has he tried talking to ur daughter? Taking her out? Helping her with anything around the house? Seems like he does sod all to try and gain her trust! Seems like all he wants is u! U say they both fight for ur attention? Does he act like a teenager aswell? She shouldn’t have to fight for ur attention! You should be spending alot of time with ur kids not with a man baby! I’d be careful on that bit, u spend more time with ur kids he could get well jealous about it and might lash out, I don’t think he’s interested in ur kids at all, he wants u all to urself! I’d get rid of him! He doesn’t sound like a man to be around ur kids at all
Send this to your daughter!
When my mother married My stepfather I was 13 I had no interest being in her wedding as he gave me the creeps. No sooner 2 years later I was out of the house after he was inappropriate with me. She stayed with him another 12 years. I rarely saw her. One day he decided he was done with her and left. All if the sudden she calls me asking if we can be friends. No thanks.
Difficulty with someone with mental illness is at times they can use it as an excuse. I have personal experience with this so in no way judging people with mental health. Luckily we came out the other side good but tough love was needed. If she hates him that much in 3 years what he’s done us significant enough to make her not want him around or worry for you. The other side of this is could he be emotionally abusive, you won’t realise this until later on but maybe this is something others have seen. Don’t give up your relationship with your children, maybe for now say to him you need to rethink the engagement and live separately, show your daughter and family you want them to try see the good in him. Give it a year or 2 and then consider how behaviours have been and how your family have taken to him. You had a bad relationship before don’t allow yourself to be hurt again just because it feels right. My husband has BPD and they can be the most charming people but also when their in a bad place the scariest, we have overcome a lot. Seriously think about what your doing but please don’t push your children away for a relationship that is the worse thing any mother could do.
Family first. Always. You are destined to be alone when in a relationship with someone who is abusive to your children, mental illness is never an excuse. You need to prioritise your safety and you children’s above all. He may be medicated but that may change in the future. Are you desperate for companionship?
You can find love with your family and friends. Please think wisely about your choice.
Your kids one day will have a relationship of their own and will leave home if you love this man marry him
People say love is Blind …also in some cases deaf an dumb as well .You are a great defense Attorney for his case an I applaud you .However ,you are prepared to defend him at the cost of everything.I understand you are an Adult an this is your life but you should be safe an secure in living it an having a healthy relationship with your family as well .
Guck you in thr USAp
Get the hell out of there tigighy
Oh kay, he is a real SOAB and then what?
Depends on what he has actually done in these “outbursts” mental illness or not he shouldn’t be having outbursts with your family. I too am bipolar but that can’t be an excuse to be an asshole.
Not trying.
I am just hot like that.
Perhaps he can try to make amends with your family? Without you facilitating? Effort can go a long way towards mending relationships. If he works on building a relationship with your daughter, shows her the best of him and explains his illness and the steps he takes daily to manage it, she might be more understanding and open to him being a part of the family. That being said…bipolar is a LIFELONG disease that’s incredibly difficult to manage. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy and I know how deep in the trenches you are right now. Loving someone who is a constant ticking time bomb is impossible. I’ve had a relationship with a man who was severely bipolar and also an addict. It was devastating. For my family to watch me go through it, and for the relationship. I wish I never met him. But that was my experience. I hope you don’t have to go through the same thing but just do some self reflection and be honest with yourself. Does the good REALLY outweigh the bad? Do you ever fear him? Do you fear for others when he’s having his outbursts? Do you isolate from family and friends bc you never know if he’ll be triggered in their company? Is he obsessed with you? Love bomb the hell out of you and then punish you if you don’t do what he wants? When you try to discuss issues, does he point out your flaws too? Do you get to actually have boundaries with him or does drawing a line send him on a spiral? You can’t be a slave to HIS mental illness. It will cause you to have your own. One day I realized how much damage was done in just ONE year with my ex. It was catastrophic. I realized that love is never ever enough. You do not need to be a martyr and settle for a lifetime as a caregiver and being the only one responsible for holding it all together. You shouldn’t feel constantly drained in your relationship. Take care of YOURSELF and the rest will fall into place.
Your family do not accept another abuser. Do not expect them to. Do as you please.
As long as you are happy and sure of your future they have their lives you have yours dont let them try and spoil yours
Do what’s right for you. Your the one marrying him. Just because he has mental health that doesn’t define him. Maybe they’ll come round to the idea. I guess you just gotta give them time. It’s easier for someone to remember everything bad about a person, rather then see the good in them. He has mental health it’s actually nice that you take the time out to support him. I’m sure he’s maybe embarrassed/guilty about his outbursts but some times that can’t be helped. No one’s perfect, we all have flaws. It just takes that special someone to see past that. Maybe over time your daughter will see your happy and slowly come round to the idea. I’m sure she knows he’s not trying to take her dads place but sometimes things like this can be confusing to kids. Just give her a lil time and don’t force the subject.
Reading your post though has he done something to warrant your family to feel the way they do? If so then I can understand their concern. People can’t just write someone off because of mental illness, unless there’s a major reason for it.
In choosing a man who is mentally unstable, you’re choosing to leave your daughter behind. Not a good choice in my opinion. One can’t change another adult. From your own description, he is given to angry outbreaks, which means either his meds aren’t working or he’s not taking them. Praying for your safety. 
My mom did this and it destroyed our family… She lost her house and always made excuses for everything… I refuse to have anything to do with her. Youre literally chosing this man over your family who are clearly concerned and with reason.
Stop looking at the situation with rose colored glasses and see it for what it is.
At the end of the day you need to do what’s best for you and your family and by staying with that man you are not doing that. I wouldn’t want to stick around for that mess…
Hunny you be happy your kids are grown ass adults so need to grow up it’s about time you put yourself first and if your happy and he’s looking after you then they should be happy for you x
I think a big part of this story is being left out. Exactly what do his “outbursts” entail? What happened that has your daughter so angry? Those would be HUGE factors in how advice should be given on this situation and I feel like they were very strategically left out when you wrote this huge defense piece on him. The whole story isn’t here, so appropriate advice isn’t possible.
I feel sorry for you children, you want to sign up for a lifetime of mental illness, but they don’t. They see what you refuse, love is not enough to put up with what comes with bipolar. You’d be hard pressed to find truly successful relationships/marriages with this problem. You will forever be a caretaker and it is draining, you will never be the one taken care of. It’s still new, you think you can conquer this and everything else it throws at you. It seems your kids understand more than you and your desperation has made you unwilling to take a really hard look at your situation.
You’ll grow tired of the two polar opposites in the relationship no middle just extremes, you’ll even likely start to have mental health issues too. Remember you chose it, don’t blame your kids for being better at navigating this and calling it for what it is. Stop forcing them to believe he’s great they don’t need you to lower the bar.
I am so disappointed in this post. You are choosing a man that has mistreated you and your children using the excuse that he has a mental illness and is really a good guy underneath it all. If I were your daughter I would feel the same way. Choose wisely between them and don’t fool yourself it is a choice and you will never be able to take this one back.
I have mental illness. Bipolar, depression and anxiety. Being assessed for adhd . I am an amazing mother . I have a successful career. I’m living my best life. But I will say this if his outbursts still happen and are regular he isn’t getting he right treatment. Meds can stop being effective if they ever worked well at all. A good psychiatrist will be able to get him to a stable mental state. . The care of a psychiatrist is a lifetime commitment to negotiate through triggers and med adjustments. That is the only way to control the illness so the human being hiding behind it can shine through. If you love him truly then support him and be with him but im telling you he isn’t on a successful route of treatment if outbursts that turn family away are happening. That needs to be addressed
You may be forced to make a choice. Lose your daughter with estrangement or walk away from your fiancé. Think long and hard. Estrangement is devastating. Especially once grandchildren are involved.
Your children come first. Period
Girl really? Outbursts? Explosions? Why on earth do you think this is a good idea?? Remain friends unless you want to end up with a man like Kanye!!! He isn’t marriage material. Don’t lose your kids over an abusive man!!
Without question they’ve seen the worst of him, you say? We need to know what they saw.
There’s more to this story. How has his mental illness hurt you and your family? How often are you putting him before your children?
I’d never put a man, especially one that’s not even their father, before my kids. Ever.
That man has you dickmatized. You may have no problem dealing with his issues but your immediate family does. You make your choice so now deal with the consequences.
They sound like adults
This is not their concern
They should only be thinking of your happiness
I think you chose a sick man over your child and didn’t care if that meant the end to the relationship so it sounds like your daughter did what she had to do and you will learn the hard way.
Your children are NEVER replaceable… but HE is.
Why would they not accept him if he is a good guy? There is more to this. My ex was schizophrenic and bipolar. I tried in the end he tried to kill me and my son due to all the voices he was hearing. My family didn’t like him either. They were afraid for me. Dont do it. It will get worse. At first things were great as ppl age mental illness can get worse. The experience I went through left me and my child w intense ptsd and anxiety. Things went to an extreme level. We suffered so much abuse from him and it took me a very long time to see it. The judge agreed to let me leave the state it was so bad. Fast forward ten years he died at 37 . He heard so many voices he went outside and put his head in the creek and drown.
Your daughter should come before him 200000%
Soooo…next you will be on here crying because they don’t trust you are your grandchildren… and they would be right.
Its your time to shine especially since your kids are grown but obviously your family sees something that isnt right. I think you need to step back and look at the big picture here
Hunny… you are in denial tho.
Just like your family only sees the bad…you only see his good and excuse his bad.
Bipolar is NO joke. If he is NOT consistently on his medication, it is total HELL. Lived with a step dad and a half sister that were bipolar. They were both abusive, physically, mentally, and emotionally. They both ended up addicted to heroine and eventually overdosed. Your children have a right to be worried about you and your relationship!
Why should blocking on social media be the end of the world? Or some needed space by your daughter not be understandable? Her adult choice is still not permanent. I would just make sure you are there for her alone just as much as before and make plans to work through the relationship. Without bringing up your adult choices.
Choosing between them shouldn’t be an option but building back your daughters trust and relationship should be; with or without a commitment to someone else.
You said you’ve made it clear that giving up your relationship isn’t an option… but your clearly chosen to give up your relationship with your daughter…
You cannot force them to like nor accept him. If you choose him over the then there lies your choice. Do not expect to see any grandkids from the kids you are pushing away as well. You know this man has mistreated the kids no matter what the form and you want to force acceptance. You’ll never get it tbh. You will force them right out of your life for choosing the man over your kids, even if they are grown. You are making a choice now that will greatly affect your relationship with others. You really should think it through because just as you don’t have to accept your kids not accepting him, you are going to have to accept that if they don’t want him around their kids that means YOU won’t be around the kids either especially over choosing him over them and you are gonna be REAL lonely if he decides to ditch you after you choose him over everyone, and if he does they are not obligated to welcome back a relationship with you either. Question stands…Are you ready for any and all consequences of your actions?
You say your kids are away at school? Are these college age children? Anyway, have fun with your fiance when your family leaves ya hanging!
Sometimes close family members can see or feel things about someone you love that you can’t. Yes, you can do anything you want as a adult, but be careful. My mom married a man that made my skin crawl the first time I met him. He treated her like a maid/cook and cheated on her multiple times before he decided to leave her and his kids ( not theirs- his). This man did damage to her, his kids and made a large negative impact on my family. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Not being horrible or anything but really your emotionally drained because of your daughter ? . So let’s get this right you deal with daily weekly monthly episodes from your fiancé but your daughter comes home and tells you her problems and she’s the issue wow . Be a mum stop making her feel like loosing her is an option but loosing him isn’t . The time you open your eyes it will be too late and you will probably be abused by him if not worse he may try to kill you ! . I’m not saying dont date him but I’m saying take a step back and see what the others are seeing too . Best of luck .
I am sorry! I will never put man before my kids! Especially with his issues! Then I will rather stay single for the rest of my life! My family, my children my life! I can understand your childrens concern!
I can’t give advice… but this makes me sad
By reading this, I can’t tell if I should be excited for you standing your ground, or if I should be concerned about your daughter. Sure, she should get over it, because you are an adult, and you are free to make your own choices. However, you say you are committed to this man no matter what, but you’re willing to just quit having a relationship with your daughter? Maybe she did that, because you put a man before your kid. Granted, she was 18 when you got with this man, but you still have shown her you will pick a man over her.
What kind of outbursts has he had/ does he have?
Better think twice I know
If your planning on getting married why wait.
Hurry and get married.
Engagements are not meant to take years.
Look at the reality of your life and evaluate if the situation you fled has allowed you to accept mediocre and be grateful for it? Do you truly feel like this is the life you’re meant to live or did you just needed a stepping stone relationship out of abuse?
Then set a date for either the wedding or separation. This should be done by years end
Don’t waste your life.
Sounds like you are making excuses for the abusive BF and putting him before your family who will be there to pick you up when he destroys you. I think you also need some Therapy. The kids have a right to not support their mother being with a abuser who has obviously given the kids a reason not to like him.
Get out off that I’ve been in ro narcissist relationship never ends well, never choose a man over Ur kids no matter how old they are, they always know you will regret it, there’s always a reason for all Ur family not liking him red flags big time
I have been there. You will be emotionally drained from him while losing the relationship with your kids. It doesn’t get better. Ever.
Sounds to me like you’ve put your family through some hell with your unstable relationships and I’ve never seen a woman profess her commitment so much for a man versus her family. I say you two need to run away and get married and stay away. Leave your family alone. You’re a thorn in their side
stop trying. shes not gonna accept it. dontnstop being there for her though. stand ur ground. like u said ur goung to do but at the same time when ur kids need u be there for the… theyll get over it in time
Listen & validate your daughter.
Kids see things that we parents can’t as we’re “blinded” by love. Your daughter is your permanent. Yes, she’s grown and stuff but I would never suggest ousting your child for love.
Listen to her!