My family doesn't know my husband cheated with my cousin: What should I do?

Woah wait a second here… you are being punished again by this deceitful person!! And that is not right! You sit down with your family members and tell the truth! Do not include that bitty in this conversation.

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If I where you I would let them knw and as for calling her out I would it was wrong and she betrayed you in a horrible way!

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I understand your hurt and anger. When she confessed, did you say anything? It brought up a bad memory further made worse by a relative cheating. I don’t blame you for being angry. Somehow you need to get thru the fact you were lied to and cheated on. Sometimes counseling can help. My style wld be to get alone with that relative and tell her how you feel. It wld be to your advantage to express your anger. You are carrying this old traitor in far longer than you should and you need to let it go for your own health. I don’t mean forgiveness. But you need to speak your truth to her. Not attack but your truth. Anger is very corrosive. It Can make you sick. Once you have said your piece, you will be surprised at how better you feel. You now have a good marriage and life. Thank goodness you do. Best revenge of all.

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How terrible! Well, are you keeping quiet out of embarrassment?

I do realize it was long ago, but… I’ll never understand how people expect us to just repress some things…

I’d let some trusted family members know, ones who can remain as neutral as possible, but… do what your comfortable with. Families can be one way or another no matter what.

I myself had a similar situation- and it’s very uncomfortable.

So I just don’t deal with some people.

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Truely forgive her , I see no point bringing this up to other family members. When she meets her makers she will have to answer this. .

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Tbh I’d tell the family so they understood.

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I’d tell em that she confessed to you about the cheating with ur ex husband and you just dont wanna deal with her anymore being that u cant trust her

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Attend your family fuctions. Just because she’s there doesn’t mean you have to socialize with her. You don’t have to out her. But you don’t have to associate yourself with her, either. Go and pretend she’s not even there. I know the feeling (personal experience) and that pain will always be at the back of your mind. There’s nothing you can do for that. But don’t let it stop you from living your best life. In fact, flaunt it. Take your new husband and them babies and show them off. Show how happy you are. It helps. Because it’s so easy to bask in the now. You just have to allow yourself to do it. You’ve got this :black_heart:

I would tell the family. Who knows whose other husbands she may have been with. What family member does that??

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I’d tell her I am going to attend family functions. Please do not speak to me or my children. If you cant abide by this I will call you out. She knew better forgive her for you but that doesnt mean she needs to be a part of your life. You can tell her we can be civil say hi but it stops there. If you think certain family should know tell them, if she oversteps tell all.

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Ask them to ask her why you dont want to be around her and leave it at that. But for your own piece of mind you need to come to terms with it so you can heal and move on.

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Tell them. You shouldn’t be left out of family events bc shes a shitty person.

Tell everyone throat punch the bitch and move on

I would go to the next event. As soon as one person says a word to you I would just say,“I know I was gone for awhile but Penny recently told me she banged Tony while we were married and I was VERY pregnant. As you can imagine that was hard to deal with.”

Then get a snack and let Penny deal.

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Do whatever you need to do to let go. You say your happy but I’m just not seeing it. Let it go. Yell it from the rooftop if you have to but let it go

Man if someone asks why you don’t want to be around her I would tell them
Air the dirty laundry :basket: and everyone will understand
It will be her avoiding the family functions like the plague

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Tell them why! The blame aint on you!

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First of all send her a text message telling her how you feel. After she admits it on text, keep it. Then you can let the family know and if she denies it you have it in text. Do not let anyone shame you for being the victim! If anyone in the family wants to shame you tell them this is why abuse happens because instead of shaming the criminal we want to hide it. If anyone thinks it’s ok for a man to cheat on his pregnant wife with her cousin then they are just dirty dog shit too!

Move on. You left him. Leave it in the past

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Yes I would definitely say something. Why should you and your children be the ones suffering by not feeling comfortable at family functions. This is your story and you have a right to tell it. Don’t look at it as gossip, its facts. If she gets upset, oh well, she is not the victim, she chose her actions and she did this to herself.

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I would keep my distance or throw functions at my house and not invite her, she’ll get the message and if she was petty enough to show up to my place uninvited I’d call the police. 🤷

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Truly forgive her and move on. No need to bring the rest of the family into old drama

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I understand a lot of people saying take the high road but honestly ita family and I would be immature about this one. Family shouldn’t do you like that and I wouldn’t take all the black sheep bs just because she decided to betray me and didnt tell everyone what she did. If your family knew they probably would understand but your being a big person and haven’t said anything. Meh, f that. Imo.

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I would explain the situation with the family. Tell them you dont want to be around her. You shouldn’t have to be around someone that betrayed you. They will more than likely understand. Sounds like she is the black sheep of the family. Not you!

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I would tell them. Let them know why you are uncomfortable about it. Try talking to someone about it. Let them make up their own minds.

For me I’d stay away from her and tell them look I don’t want to be around someone that did that to me

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U stay away from functions to avoid her? I’d show up proud and kind. With my beautiful, well mannered children. And keep my distance from her, however, staying away entirely is WRONG on so many levels. You dont needto expose her, you just need to keep keeping on! Dont hole up and keep your kids from memories and pictures with family. People do grow up, and you got to hear it from her…not from sources you may or may not believe…its a mind game so dont play it. Let it go!

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I would tell them get that horrible secret off your chest let it out and let it go I think it would help you move forward

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Next time someone gives you shit about it just blatantly say “well so and so shouldn’t have slept with my husband while I was pregnant and maybe I would be comfortable coming around” then leave it at that

Pray ON IT LET GOD TAKE care of it

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I’d just reply, “Oh you didn’t hear, you should ask Cousin” and let her explain… she’s the one that made the bed, let her lie in it.

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I don’t know I’m kind of the person that just tells it like it is. I personally would tell my family and let them know that she did tell you and that you did forgive her at that point but you still choose not to be around her so either they can invite her or they can invite you but if they invite her you’re not coming

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If I was in this situation I would let everyone and their damn mama know what she did. You shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable going to family functions because of something your ex husband and cousin did. If you told, she would probably be the one to stop showing up because of how embarrassed she would be. I would definitely let everyone know!

Call that girl out 100%

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Someway you have to forgive and forget. Harboring ill feelings for your cousin is only hurting you. It is what keeps you and your kiddos from going to family events. That doesn’t hurt your cousin but it takes away from your kiddos and you. No… she should not have done what she did and neither should your husband but i am humbly asking you to forgive them for yourself. You cant let it keep being on your mind and heart. I dont see any need in confronting her cousin or telling the rest of the family. It’ll just divide your family more and i dont think you really want that.
I suggest you forgive and forget it. He’s out of your life anyway.

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The Black sheep are the ones not afraid to call bs on anyone especially family so slip your cozy black wool on and let them know exactly why you don’t want to be around her leave out name calling and keep it factual nobody can say :poop: about honesty 💁
I am also a black sheep as I refuse to stand by for anyone or anything ever

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I do have been there hun a little different story but trip. I finally “bitched”her out nicely and she said nothing called or drama so don’t be around her then

She was wrong but she was one of the women there were others not saying to forgive and forget. If he didn’t allow it she wouldn’t have cheated with him but they are both guilty.

Honestly I am always the black sheep and I didn’t do anything wrong. So me bring me I would wait until everyone is gathered around and call her up like you need to make a toast, then call her out in front of everyone and do a mic drop and leave.

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I would explain to them an let them know what kind of person she really is …

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Forgive … and move on. :pray:
Take good care of your physical and mental health.

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Shit, I’d blast it and watch the bridges burn. She violated your trust and chose to do it.

Put that b***** on blast. That’s what I’d do. Why should you get verbally abused when shes the tramp??

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Let it go. You’ve moved on. Why dredge up old wounds. Let it go - for YOU!

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I mean, if you don’t want start extra drama, but also don’t want to be called out for abandoning your family, you can tell them that you and your cousin recently had a discussion and something came to light that you need time to process, and until you’re done processing you’d rather not share space with her. Then tell them that it’s not something you care to go into any more detail about than that, and you’d prefer they respect your privacy (and hers, if you care). But then you do need to process your feelings and work through them… try therapy, or take her to a couples counselor. She owes you that much, no? Whatever it takes to work through your hurt. Then you can find your way back to your family without that burden to carry. And it ultimately stays between the 2 of you… assuming everyone in your family is prepared to be adult about it. If you don’t care about making waves, then share why you’ve been staying away, or tell her she needs to tell people because you’re tired of being called out for something that really isn’t your fault. But you cant go around in your feelings forever. You need to take steps to let this go, just like you did when you let him go. Holding grudges isn’t a good look, and it hurts you and your kids way more than it hurts her.

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Call her out. She told u to rid herself of guilt not to help u or to be honest. Call her out

How long was this ago? Harboring hate is not good, it is really not anyone business but you and hers what happened. You need to pull her aside and tell her you feel hurt and reconcile with her instead of making a scene and ruining thanksgiving dinner. Keep it factual don’t cuss her out and be the better woman, she will understand hopefully! Be an adult about, adults don’t make scenes!

This sounds like the movie Soul Food. Wheeeeeew Chile

The Fact is…you are divorced. End of that marriage and any commitments to it. You don’t owe anyone an explanation about any part of it. As for his extramarital affairs with family, friends or others…it doesn’t matter who it was. It was wrong. If it was a family connection…of course the betrayal goes deeper. But our said…" Love your enemies" and forgive them. Through His good Grace you will be able to.

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You have to remember she wasn’t the only one that did this to you. Your husband also had a big play in this. Yes, she was 100% wrong & you would never have found out if she never told you !! This bothered her & she was right to tell you. But now put your big girl panties on & either forgive her or stop speaking to her completely. No one else in your families needs to know this. Unless you want to tell everyone…if that makes you feel better!!!

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Let them know…or more than likely…they ALREADY KNEW TOO…

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Dont label yourself or her. She knows what she did. This child is your ex husband’s issue. Not yours. Do what makes you heal. If its stay away from family functions do so. But dont let her invalid your head space. They both were wrong and again it’s something they deal with. It will come to surface and let it happen. Remember the Baby is not at fault. Be strong be kind and do what feels right. I send prayers your way.

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Let it go, unless you want to break up family by making them take sides. Just going to functions, doesnt mean you have to talk to her.

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Tell the other family member’s. She screwed you over, her own family why should you keep it a secret? And you feel betrayed by her not your ex husband. You have every right to be hurt x

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What would the benefit be of you calling her out to your entire family? if she apologized and you have truly forgiven her, then why drag it all up again? it sounds like a horrible betrayal, and an incredibly hurtful thing that she did to you! but you have to wonder what is the outcome that you want?

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Forget everything these mature, sane folk are telling you and flip that Thanksgiving table and let it all out

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Nobody is safe , that type of man would have been your sister just drive a complete wedge in your family and do your head in, talk to her more about it , see and ask how it happened then you can make an informed decision on if or not she was completely groomed by him :face_vomiting: , obviously not the gruesome details but she fell foul to a player and knows you can never trust her but she told you and that is a good thing I’d rather know than not what an absolute devil I was with :raised_hands:t2: , that’s one less face of the “where has the devil been “ x

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This is a classic case of loading guilt onto another person. She never had to tell you what happened, I bet he never would have told you what happened either. If you are tired of family treated you badly then unload the guilt onto them and let them deal with it. It is not yours to carry around.

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You know damm well no matter what anyone says you are going to to tell EVERYONE about it. Just get it over with

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Attend the next family gathering, and have your cousin explain to your entire family why you stopped coming around.

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Secrets lead to suppression of emotions and this is not something to just deal with and move on. Your choice, but protect YOU. You have the right to distance yourself.

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She told you, you forgave her, move on.
Go to your family functions.

Speak your truth. She made her bed, let her feel like shit now.

Its over with you moved on karma has its way of its own. In away she lelp you out of a doomed marriage.

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I will tell them and still not go to family functions!

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Do nothing just move on already

If it was me I would tell my family members the reason to why i would not attend family functions.
Don’t let it get to you because your the better person she obviously didn’t really care that she was sleeping with your husband at the time no forgiving if it was me she would be long gone from mine and my child’s life

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Let ot go let go…

I personally would tell them what she did but I would probably do it at Thanksgiving dinner​:woman_shrugging::joy:. But honestly if you don’t want to tell them then just let them know that she did something to hurt you and you just don’t wish to be around her anymore. 

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I would tell on her so she want do it to the rest of the family cause ain’t no telling who she’s doing now cause they don’t stop at just one ( lays :potato: ass )

I would be at thanksgiving dinner like hey cousin (her name), how’d you enjoy f****** my husband? pass the potatoes please

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Stop the bullshit and bringing all that up into your life now not good for your nice new marriage and you should be past that and if you don’t like your cousin and if you want to get it off of your mind and your soul tell your whole family who cares get over it get past it MoveOn catch be happy with yourself don’t let some other bag decide what kind of life you’re going to live what kind of happiness you’re going to have don’t do it be happy

I’d tell everyone what she did :joy:

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Move on…you and your cousin talked. The past doesn’t define you

Put their asses on blast during a family function​:rofl::rofl::+1::+1:

Tell them and they will shut up

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I have a big mouth and a bad attitude so I would tell my family why I don’t like the snake but that’s just me. Lol

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I’m the nice type of woman that would simply say “I’m afraid she will try to sleep with this husband if we come around” :woman_shrugging:t3: but I’m not very friendly

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After all that time she should have kept it to herself. By telling you after so much time had passed was to just hurt you. I would be upfront with my family as to why you don’t want to be around her.

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The only one it seems to bother is you. It affects your health for the anger that has built up in you affects your health and no one else! Therefore it is better to forgive and move on with your life.

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Personally, I would tell them. :woman_shrugging: But that’s just me.

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I would tell them the truth.

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Try to avoid especially during holidays .saying it now after all these years won’t be beneficial. If explanation necessary. Explain it’s a private matter and you’d rather not explain. That doesn’t work or they won’t stop then here goes you ask .but try first

Tell them. Attend family function also with resting bitch face cuz YOU control your happiness. Have a good time and move on

I wouldn’t go out of my way to tell them, but the next time they got on my case about not wanting to be around her I’d be like “well typically when finding out someone slept with your husband while you were pregnant does that…” And then move on.

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It’s over let it go, your happy now focus on your family life is to short you never know what can happen next.

Forgiveness is for YOU…not them…

I’d tell my family just so they understand your feelings (which is 100% validated and I personally wouldn’t attend functions or get togethers either) buuuut because I’m a petty Betty, I’d make the biggest scene at a family Thanksgiving dinner​:joy::face_with_hand_over_mouth:

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Attend your family functions, enjoy yourself, you don’t have to have anything to do with her.
You don’t owe anybody an explanation, but it’s no ok to pretend it never happened. Although you and your cousin talked about it, she relieved herself from her guilt but for you it hurt in a bad way. Do what you need to do.

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Call her out. She wasn’t too ashamed to fuck her COUSIN’S husband. She better not act ashamed when people find out.

If they ask tell them the real reason why you shouldn’t have to suffer for her stupidity she’s your cousin she knew you two were married and were expecting a kid she should’ve never cross that line

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You say you have since remarried and are happy…Your happiness is your best revenge.You don’t need to have anything to do with your cousin at family events …just enjoy yourself. (If she asks anything …tell her PRIVATELY the reason why and let her know that if she wants to press the matter you are MORE THAN WILLING to let everyone know why you are pretty much ignoring her.) She most likely will let it drop…enjoy your new husband and your family (except for your cousin…) Move on sweetie…Your EX is best at being your EX!! Don’t let him ruin your happiness NOW!! Get over it and him.

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I’d put it out there I would not be bullied for not wanting to be around her they should know so they can understand why and stop bullying you

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Id tell …but thats me

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Why should u keep her dirty little secret? Tell the family, and make sure shes there when u do :blush:

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Focus on you and your family. To hell with everyone else.

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You cant pretend that it never happened but you can move on and try to rebuild a relationship with her and involving the rest of the family will only cause more drama for both of you.

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The only person you’re hurting is yourself :neutral_face:
The cousin is whooping it up in just a different way :rage:
It’s ok to be “ the bigger “ person… BUT! The cousin should come clean & tell family members what a bitch she really is!!!
Hold your head up … attend the opening of an envelope if she’s going to be there …& don’t give her the time of day …& smile!!!
Smile a lot in her company :sparkling_heart:

Tell them. She’s probably doing it with their husbands too

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Call her out, she doesn’t deserve your respect.