My family thinks my boyfriend is cheating: Advice?

It is possible he is cheating…

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People who love you won’t make them question their priorities

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If he’s been doing this for a few months & longer…better to think about moving on without him. Don’t waste any more time or years on thinking or hoping he may change cause he may not it sounds like. Don’t let yourself & the kids continue this way. It’s super sad & hurtful to go through being treated like that. The emotional toll will get worse down the line.

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Maybe he’d just rather hang out where there’s no responsibilities. He’s a dead beat

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Don’t listen to everyone saying he’s cheating because let’s be real. They aren’t there to see him do it or have proof. Yes he’s a shitty person for choosing other people before his own family. But if you’re really wondering and your family is the one putting the big in your ear, Why doesn’t family drive you to where he is unexpectedly to find out? Or are they just wanting to start drama?

I don’t think he’s cheating but your definitely not his priority. An forgot to give you a ring…bullshit that is! Xx

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Idk even reading this gives me ptsd and makes my stomach churn. Terrible partner

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I’m sorry sweetie, but I agree with what your family is telling you. Get out while you can. 2 babies is a handful for a single mom but definitely can be done. Cut him off where it hurts… the cash flow. Even if he offers you the ring he probably never bought, do yourself and your kids a favor a refuse it. There are lots of great men who not only will be your partner, your equal, but also accept and treat your kids as their own! Don’t ever settle for LESS THAN YOU DESERVE! :heart:

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Have you tried throwing the whole man away?

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Stop letting him set the rules & change the rules. Momma bear is boss. No questions. He sticks by your rules or its game over. X

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I was gonna respond to this before but I forgot.
I was browsing another page then you became irrelevant because that other page was cooler. I didn’t have responsibilities there.
I might browse that page for the next few days and come back to you when I feel like it… I mean, you’ve proven you’re sticking around for a response no matter what. It’s your fault.

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WTAF…there wasn’t ever a ring, if there were and he was serious you’d HAVE IT. And maybe you should sit around where family thinks he’s been. Or send a friend…it’s dope or sex🤷🏻‍♀️ you can get tracking devices from Best Buy.

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I think your family is right.
And even if they aren’t, the behavior he is exhibiting, would be a big ole hell no for me!
He’d be kicking rocks…

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Run girl run like hell is on your heels. Go live w a relative and get ur life together before its too late. Take out a part of the money that’s in the joint account too and get him on child support

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Fuck the ring. Its his way of having a hold & control over you. If he asks the question. Tell him no. Not the way things are. Set out your expectations & see how things go. If you’re not happy now, you won’t be happy in same situation years from now. Make a stand. Stick up for yourself. Let him know you won’t tolerate any shit x

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No man forgets to propose. What you allow now will only get worse. Stand your ground sweetheart

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I would say why not talk this over with him…

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Wait… He bought you an engagement ring 4 months ago but won’t give it to you? He spends his time helping others instead of you?

He has priorities, and you aren’t one of them.

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Your pregnant and the shit is too exhausting. Maybe you need to leave his ass and move in with family to help you because this ain’t good. Maybe it’s time to let it go move on and get yourself better

Love is blind , your family is not. Nothing is going to make him stay :pensive:. Stay strong for yourself and your children :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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Leave because before you know you’ll be hearing she is just a friend…Run for the hills and never look back…this is just giving me PTSD flashbacks of my relationship with my sons father.

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Even if he isn’t. Spending all his time with someone else & doin things for them that he should be doin for you is a massive red flag. Best be having a chat with that boy.

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The easiest and most straight forward thing to do that we all seem to shy away from until it becomes an even bigger issue…just talk to him. Sit down, don’t point fingers don’t freak out, just tell him how you ate feeling. Communication.

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Ok, you ranted but you know (in your heart) what he’s doing. If you go looking for something be prepared for what you’re going to find.

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It sounds like he’s just not wanting to get married. A man that wants to commit would not make those excuses or treat you the way he does. Only you can decide if you want to keep living like this.

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Your family should be his main priority and clearly it isn’t momma I know your pregnant and overwhelmed but you need to find out the truth. Leave! Your happiness and the babies happiness is what you need to be concerned about, Maybe just maybe once he truly realizes your DONE and gone it might wake something in him but it sounds like he doesn’t care about you or the kids at all he is selfish and only cares about himself your pretty much a single mother, stop paying for stuff for him and only worry about you and your children, he’s not worthy of your love & honey he never had a ring he doesn’t intend on marrying you

He’s definitely cheating. Maybe not physically but it’s obviously emotional.

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I see so many red flags. I would definitely have a conversation with him. Avoid things like “you always do ______” and try “when you do _____, I feel _____”. It seems to me like he’s cheating but he could also be an idiot. I’ve known of several relationships where the man genuinely was helping others, oblivious to the wife’s need because he sees her as super woman and also dumb to the fact that another woman found him attractive. I’m not saying that’s every man, a lot play the dumb card and some actually are.

What he is doing with the ring, by telling you he has one and is going to propose, is called future faking and he’s using it as a means of control so that 1. You will stay and 2. He can blame you and your bringing up of his poor behavior as the reason he hasn’t proposed yet.
The part where he does things for others and spends most of his time over there helping - that’s his mask of “the nice helpful guy.” My ex was like that too. Was constantly helping others but wouldn’t help me with anything and would let stuff that needed to be done around our place go by the wayside. There was one time that the ex had a friend of his over, and the friend ended up taking out the trash that was overflowing for me because I was cooking dinner and had a baby on my hip. My ex just didn’t bother. The friend told the ex that he should take the trash out for his wife (me) before it was overflowing. Guess what… That friend wasn’t a friend much longer - because he called the ex out for his poor behavior.

Girl, I would leave. Even if he’s not cheating - I have a feeling there’s more red flags of narcissistic behavior that you haven’t shared.

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He doesn’t want to be married. Believe me. I know that type. It’s time to get really strong and accept being a single mom. I would get that child support started. Kick his ass out and lean on family. Show your kids what is NOT acceptable from a father (wannabe). You have to be the best you can be. No excuses.

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Something that I learned a long time ago is to think… Is this how you want to live forever? Can you handle this forever? Can you imagine dealing with this when your 60? Are you happy or are you comfortable? Don’t keep making the same mistake because you spent a long time making it… do what you honestly think will be best for you and your children. If you think it’s hard now, it won’t get easier after 10 years, a ring and more children.

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Control. Are you untrustworthy. Do you tease or cheat? If not, get out!

In my experience, always listen to family. He keeps putting off proposing to you.

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He doesn’t need to be cheating for you to know you don’t deserve to be treated like that. You have to teach people how to treat you and if you accept this behavior he will continue it.:purple_heart:

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Listen to them. If he’s putting another woman above his pregnant wife and 19 month old child, he’s cheating.

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Bye. Always go with ur gutt and the signs. He doesnt want responsibility. Hes still immature and a hang out kind of guy.

Have you seen this ring??.. you said he spent a lot of money. It could be drugs. Do some investigating. We women are good at that. If you are friends with his friends that he is supposed to be helping. Start there but don’t let on like you are tryin to find out anything.

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He forgot to propose? Girl, you are better off without him!

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Even if he’s not cheating his priorities are all skewed and u have every right to be fed up. This either needs a serious conversation and a wake up call on his part or if he’s unwilling to see how he’s acting unfairly then I’d leave him. It’ll be less work for you

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People prioritize what they find important…he isn’t finding you or his children important. Take yourself out of the equation and respect yourself more by being only with people that value you. You don’t forget to get engaged or happen to spend a majority of your time helping a neighbor especially when your spouse is hurt. Something is seriously wrong here.

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He is a pathetic loser a bully. Get rid of him. Let someone else deal with immature behavior. He sounds like a baby throwing a fit. Maybe he needs a pacifier for night nite or a little yellow duckie for bath time.

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It’s possible he has a substance abuse problem?! Or maybe he is cheating & bought someone else a Ring?? & besides those questions , that’s a hard hell no from me. He’d be gone or I would.

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You need to put that broken foot up and tell him he either stays and helps like a good father or get the “duck” out :raised_hands:t2:

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I’m sorry but as you wrote this out you knew the answer to your own question. It doesn’t really matter if he is cheering or not really now does it.

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You lost me at “had a broken foot and had no help” dump his no priority having ass… your waaaay better than that, regardless of what he’s doing he’s NOT putting his family first and it sounds like you have a better support system without him.

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Just re-read what you have shared, pretty sure you ALREADY KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!

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Maybe depression. Have a conversation with your spouse dear. Then decide what you need to do for you and those babies.

You don’t forget about a proposal. He’s probably using that as an excuse since you mentioned a spending habit. He should be helping you and the family especially with you being so far along. He needs to get his act together. You’re definalty worth so much more sorry you’re going through this. Honestly sounds like your much better off without him and a father should show his children how to treat someone they love

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Ew. Leave him , he’s definitely up to somthing. I would not stick around you can find a nice step daddy who knows you and your baby’s come first

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He’s a manipulator, and most likely… a liar.
RUN…

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Sorry but I’d throw the whole man out he definitely sounds like he seriously don’t care :woman_shrugging: men show you who they really are through actions open you eyes pay attention

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I would say he was cheating but even if not he obviously doesn’t value you. You would be better off tell him to fuck off is my personal opinion

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I’ve been with my fiancé for 4 years and we started out on a shitty relationship. We have a two year old and I’m 34 weeks pregnant with our second. Since we had our 1st child, he’s only ever gotten better as a man but also someone I can count on. If he ever did something like this to me, I would definitely leave. Your boyfriend is also the father of your children. He should know what his priorities are. You shouldn’t have to be questioning his actions. It’s time to break it off, and co-parent.

Girl if he ain’t there to help you when your down then he ain’t right

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Ok first of all FUCK THAT. I’m telling you straight up he’s lying out of his ass that he bought an engagement ring and then “forgot” about it or “something happened”. You don’t just conveniently forget about a damn ENGAGEMENT RING. Dump his bum ass and quit making him a PRIORITY in your life when you’re just a measly OPTION in his. Periodt. You deserve better.

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Ask her hubby or boyfriend, if he has been home when your boyfriend is there

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Girl, that engagement ring situation should be enough for you to leave him. He’s manipulating you with that ring.

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He is using that FAKE ring to manipulate you. There IS NO RING. Get rid of him.

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Even if he isnt cheating, hes treating you like garbage. Put him out to the curb. There are real men out there that know how to treat and care for others. No matter if you have kids that arent theirs. You dont deserve a whole life of this treatment. It’s what you will get if you stay…

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I’m sorry who forgets about an engagement ring? Sounds made up on his part :roll_eyes:

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Sounds like drugs to me not cheating :woman_shrugging: got a ring he can’t show for nah spent some ridiculous amount on drugs. Hangin at a “friend’s” house all day nah he’s doin drugs with em :woman_shrugging: have a hopefully honest conversation with him and go from there. Just my two cents! Good luck mama! :purple_heart:

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Do your homework on your state’s marriage laws,in some states it’s illegal to cheat,in some states,you can sue the cheater and the homewrecker(given this person knows they’re sneaking around with someone else’s spouse),in some states,you can press charges on one,the other,or both parties.:wink:

Make sure to inform him of this information and see what happens.

My ex done the same thing to me, in an argument told me he bought a ring but he wouldn’t do it now because I caused an argument.
I lager found out that I wasn’t the only ex he done it to.
It’s a form of manipulation. ‘You didn’t behave so now you don’t get the honour of my proposal’
When a child misbehaves, a form of punishment is taking away a child, or not allowing them to do something they were looking forward to. It’s the same thing.
That part alone sets alarm bells, he seems quite manipulative and self centred. If it’s always been rocky, then it always will be.
Youre basically doing everything yourself now, so allow yourself to do it alone but without him to worry about.
Your almost 2 children will sense everything that’s going on and as a mother of 2 myself it’s hard work and you really don’t need the stress of someone being around who doest give two shits.
Get sorted what you need to, and leave. You and your babies are better off alone.
My inbox is open if you need a chat xx

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Please run and don’t look back!!

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Even if hes not cheating thats still not acceptable

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There is no engagement ring. There never was.

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Girl he doesn’t have an engagement ring :rofl: narcissists will use that to get you to forgive them. My scumbag ex told me he had and engagement ring but returned it because of somewhat or other he didn’t trust me. (He was cheating) don’t let him fool you any longer x

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My ex behaved exactly the same way.
He’s narcissistic, and almost certainly cheating. Get out while you can.

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I’d call him out on it and have a conversation, ask him about drugs or cheating etc and watch his reactions. If your instinct still says otherwise, then look to ending it and stay safe.

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Bin him. You’re pregnant, he should be making you his number 1 priority. He’s also manipulating you with the engagement ring. A relationship should be 50/50, and if he isn’t pulling his weight now, he certainly won’t when there’s a new baby.

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And you want him to ask you to marry him? No thanks. Get out … seriously

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I don’t think he’s cheating tbh. It sounds like he’s just a an immature dink. Sorry you’re going through this mama. Get out while you can, there’s no sense in being miserable :heart:

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At very least he is emotionally cheating.

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Invite her round to urs the days he’s over there…see if he’s so quick to go over then, no ring no car fixed, no help cos he’s always over there…if b kicking mine out the door for the lack of support

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Emotionally checked out from the sounds of it. Using whoever or whatever as a mental escape from the day-to-day.

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Ok perhaps I didn’t hear the story correctly or just really need more concrete evidence. Most people are providing advice that they wouldn’t apply to themselves, I’m putting myself in your shoes. Sometimes our families perpetuate their own experience, desires even ulterior motives upon us knowing you’re emotionally vulnerable. He couldn’t be waiting for the right moment or alternatively he could be on bullshit but before you make any irreversible decisions express yourself logically (as the post wasn’t logical), stay focused on your children and pray.

I hate to be that guy, but you 100% need to leave. Get your ducks in a row and bail. It doesn’t matter if he is cheating or not, what he is doing is NOT how you treat the mother of your child(ren), that’s pregnant no less… that is some nasty behavior to have to endure and NO ONE deserves to be treated like that! He’s always gone, doesn’t help with your baby, wasn’t there for you when you broke your foot, isn’t there for you while pregnant… NOPE. You don’t need that in your life lil lady, you deserve so much more than that. Get out, and build a healthy life for you and your babies! You do not want them to learn that kind of behavior and you definitely don’t want them to think that’s how they should be treated or treat others either.

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Leave. He is not treating you with respect whether he is cheating or not. Your children will think it is ok to treat women like that too

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If you and the kids aren’t number 1 he needs to go.

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I would move out until he decided to make me a priority. But that is just me, personally I think you maybe a little blind and do not see that he is not putting your or your kids as his priority even though those around you are pointing it out to you. If he was going to marry frankly your would have already been married he is stringing you along. If you are married the fact he is giving his attention to another whether they have had sex or not they are having and emotional affair which is just as bad if not worse. You want him to respect you but your not demanding the respect because you allow him to disrespect you with his behavior. Like I said I would be leaving I would talk to my family and ask if my kids and I could stay with them until I was able to get on my feet. I would start looking for a job. How is he your spouse when he not even given you a ring are you married without the ring though the court are you common law. What you have written is a little confusing in that area. But frankly even if I were married I get and attorney file for legal separation so he could not cause a ton of bills and then expect your to pay them off. I would also make a list of all credit cards that you know about and then have a credit search done to make sure nothing new was open without your knowledge.

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I mean he likely is but are you really going to leave him? Just think of it as a polyamorous relationship. Tell him to give you equal time. He’s made it clear you are not a priority and it’s important in polyamory that all relationships are balanced so just work on that. If you want a monogamous relationship where the man is only into you, this guy has made it clear that’s not what he wants. You cannot change him. You can only change yourself.

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This isn’t a healthy relationship. I don’t suggest staying, cheating or not, because you and the children do not seem to be the priority.

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I left a relationship just like this. He wasn’t cheating but he made me feel like other people were more of a priority than I was. Me and our children were right down on his list and his best friend was higher up than we were. I felt so alone in my relationship. Tell him how you feel and if nothing changes you know he doesn’t value the relationship and it’s time to leave.

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Honestly, given this explanation I think whether or not he’s cheating is beyond the problem. You and his family aren’t even on his priority list so why be with him? Perhaps he’s willing to see the error of his ways but if he gets defensive then there’s something he cares for more than the family he’s made with you. Doesn’t really sound like you’re willing to leave him though even though he isn’t treating you very well. I’m not saying that needs to be the end result, I’m just saying he needs to reevaluate whats important to him and a separation may make him rethink his behavior but if you’re not even willing to test that out he knows he can walk all over you and do whatever he wants and treat you however he feels like it.

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I would feed him some of his own medicine.

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5 years is a decent amount of time,if your parents are questioning this and never have before I would say you may wanna pay attention to that. Confront the issues,if he’s unwilling to grow be willing to make the decision that you deserve what your looking for and someone out there will be more than happy giving it to you.

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If your significant other is chosing to spend that much time with friends, leaving a small child and a pregnant mom all weekend, hes just not that into you, and you deserve someone who is.

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It mostly sounds like immaturity. Couples counseling, especially premarital counseling, could really help. It sounds like you want to make it work, and it could. So many guys are just selfish and unaware of what they should be doing. That’s what it sounds like to me. If he wanted to leave the relationship, he would have already. I think he doesn’t have a clue what he should be doing or what you need from him.

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He doesn’t care about you honey. I know it’s not anything anyone wants to hear but it sounds like not only does he care but he is using the “ring” as a weapon to keep you while he goes and does whatever tf he wants. If you have to do everything yourself anyway wtf do you need him for?

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I jus feel like he been AINT SHIT. And me or anyone else telling u to leave would fall on deaf ears Sis. I will say this, wut u allow will continue and at some point, u need to take responsibility for him being shitty to u bcuz u decide to stay. Peace & blessings.

The answer to every problem is not leave. First you and he, need to know your kids and yall should be the priority but if you have not spoken up he doesnt know you are upset. Second dont tell everything to your family because at the end of the day they will hate him and you will be left in the middle. If she does not change or show you he is ready to commit fully then and only then leave. It will take time.

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When he spit out “I bought you a ring” and has not given it to you, that was his own guilt firing back at you to make you feel guilty! Wether he’s cheating or he’s feeling guilty for just not being around enough, I don’t know! But he’s definitely feeling some sort of guilt!

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Oh I have so much to say here ,
But let me say this .
I was with a man for 9 years before we got engaged 11 before we Married ,
Married 20 years before I stated to notice again another - person / woman he worked with was taking priority over his own family : he was helping her because he ex had started work on her house and didn’t finish it , so he was helping a FRIEND!!!
I agreed … she needed help …
guess what ?? He walked out on his family , I spent 5 years begin second choice in my own marriage , as he went between houses making promises - plans on how we’d be ok … he just needed to figure out how to stay away from her at work …
any ideal what he’s doing now ??
He blindsided me with divorce papers and married her 2 weeks after it was final !!’
37 years of my life lost to a cheat !!! # don’t be me …
Lessons learned

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He is doing exactly what you allow him to do. There are absolutely no consequences. You are teaching him how to treat you. He has no respect for you at all. Take control of your life. Take back your power. Don’t let you being pregnant or having his children keep you in a unhappy unhealthy situation. That’s what he is counting on. I have heard this so many times from so many women. Just because you don’t feel or think he is not cheating does not mean he’s not. He’s holding marriage over your head so you will not go anywhere. If he wanted to marry you he would. Stop getting pregnant by this man. He has no intention of marrying you. Why do you want to marry a man that treats you this way or does not make you a Priority? Marriage is not going to make things better.

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Im gonna be the odd one out here. Whilst there is a possibility he is cheating he also may not be.

Reading this the thing that stands out to me is “my family”. If you’re complaining to them about every little peeve you have with the guy, they will hate him because they love you. Now I’m not saying keep anything serious from them such as domestic violence etc, but this boyfriends relationship is with you not them and if he feels like he’s been fired at from all angles then he’s not gonna want to hang around the house and you’ll be pushing him away.

That said, regardless of whether he’s cheating or not you don’t sound happy so something has to give. You both need to sit down and listen to each other, without being defensive or snipey. Make it or break it because a negative atmosphere at home will be having an effect on your children and two happy parents who are apart is better than two miserable ones who are together x

Sounds like he is cheating…maybe your blind…your own family sees it but u don’t.why would he help another woman out all weekend…he has his own family…I’m sure u need help…I would question him and tell him how u feel…it doesn’t look right at all.

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He’s just not into it sorry to say but he will probably leave soon. I’ve seen this many times

I wouldn’t be staying with him. You would be better off without him either way in my eyes.

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So are you married or not? Not trying to be mean, but you refer to him as your spouse, but then talk about a ring you haven’t gotten, so I’m confused. If he’s just a bf, I’d say leave (or kick him out) until he can put his family with you first. You cannot continue going on this way, especially with another child on the way. If you’re married then I’d say push for marriage counseling. It sounds like there are some major issues that need to be resolved to move forward in your marriage.

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Pick up your stuff, and leave or kick him out. He doesn’t sound like alot of help anyway all your getting is more annoyance. Your basically doing it on your own anyway so what’s the difference except for him causing you distress. Your baby doesn’t need that nor do you.