My fiancé and I have a son together. He’s the best man, and I love him so much. The only issue is that when he doesn’t smoke(bud), he will act differently towards me. He will act rude and mean. He won’t call me names, but he will get mad at me or change his attitude for nothing. It hurts a lot because I can literally ask him a question and he will respond to me so mean . Or if I ask what he wants to eat, he will give me an attitude . I’ll ask him why he’s so mean to me, and he just ignores me. It hurts because we said we would work on his anger when he doesn’t smoke… yet I feel like nothing is changing. Its been over a year since we agreed that I would help him with his actions when he isn’t smoking. Nothing is changing, and he will literally get mad for not buying some when he knows we got bills to pay. We will get married around September, but idk … the way he acts towards me when not smoking really does hurt… advice on what to do, please? I try not to be so sensitive but I have no one else to talk to about it. I do love him a lot, but it hurts to have someone be mean every time they don’t smoke
let him smoke, work it into the budget, but put a cap on how much is to spent on it weekly
In my opinion he’s trying to manipulate you to get his green. That doesn’t give him any right to treat you that way nor should you put up w/ it. There is obviously other reasons why he’s acting the way he is. I’d try and get him to a counsellor or therapist. Using not having green to treat you with such utter disrespect is inexcusable. Good luck
I suggest you postpone the wedding and suggest counseling.
is he mad he is sober? sounds like he doesn’t care, he is just there and the smoking to him makes it tolerable. marriage won’t fix it and it might get worse, might reconsider
I’ve had that issue with my now husband too… sometimes I think it helps regulate their emotions. If they weren’t taught emotional control then it’s just something that have issues with. Hopefully your guy recognizes it and realizes how much he needs to change it. And actively tries to change it. Otherwise you’re in for a long ride hon…
I wouldn’t marry someone who is mean to you.it doesnt get better.
Hes a child. Yes it can make you aggravated when you’re used to being high but to choose weed over your bills and not only that, to demean you. Hes manipulative. Hes using that as an excuse when he treats you like shit. Wake up.
Weed is an awful drug…with out it ppl act all different. I dont care what people say, it causes major mood swings.
Drugs change people but that isn’t an excuse to treat you bad. Coming from an addict I can’t stress the alter behaviors and personality
Sounds like addiction. That’s the issue
I wouldn’t get married! He doesn’t respect you. By staying with him with this behavior means you are allowing him to keep treating you like shit. You can’t care about someone but treat them like shit. You have to stand up for yourself and leave the relationship. He won’t get help unless he WANTS to. You can’t make him
Its weed. If hes a asshole… hes an asshole with or without weed.
Yup, postpone the wedding, get him into counseling and talk to his doctor about what else could be done to help him. Are there childhood/other psychological issues, is his brain now wired this way, is his nastiness a biological thing or is it learned behavior? You have to know the source of the problem before you can treat it.
Also not sure what the laws are in your state, but his using heavily could get you in trouble, not to mention it could cost him a job.
Also, if you split up, make sure his visits are supervised. You don’t want his meanness to hurt your child. Use birth control so you don’t have any more children with this man. And remember, you can’t change him, he has to really want to change himself. And maybe he doesn’t. There are other fish in the sea.
Cannabis is a medication. I am bipolar and it works better for me than any medication I’ve ever been put on. So of course without the medication I’m moody and act out. Maybe that’s the same for him. Has he been to the dr and been diagnosed with a mood disorder? I know that with cannabis I am a much nicer, level headed person. It brings me down to your guys’ normal (that’s how the Dr. explained it to my husband).
I wouldn’t marry that. He has issues he needs to work on. And nothing will be done until he himself realizes it and wants to change for the better. It’ll only get worse if he doesnt want the change and you do. It’ll cause more issues in the long run.
The first step I think would be going to the doctor. Depression, anxiety, bipolar, and adhd are issues that can cause someone to have an attitude which is often lessened by marijuana (theres a reason it’s been legalized for medical use)
Sometimes being aware of these things alone can help a person work on them. So that may help. Or let him smoke but regiment it out so that its able to last longer.
Time to say no wedding
Sounds to me he is self medicating anxiety disorder. He may not be able to help it. Seek counseling gor him
Postpone the wedding forever!
Don’t take any shit from him!!!
Husband gets a 2nd job for his weed!!!
Run fast and far. That’s abuse even if you don’t want to call it that. He will escalate over time. No chance I would married somebody a d commit my life to them under those terms.
He may need it medically, but only a doctor can tell. A lot of people are saying it sounds like an addiction, but from my view he may have something else that the weed is helping to keep under control. (Social anxiety/ anxiety/bipolar/ ect) can all be helped with medical marijuana sometimes instead of pharmaceuticals. However he should see a doctor to see if it’s a bad habit, or if it may actually be helping
(You don’t deserve the mean treatment even if it is a disorder or anger problem)
I mean… He’s off his meds. What do you expect?
Not saying its an excuse but you have to look at it from his point of view.
Honestly sounds like he might have medical issues that the weed helps with. It’s medically legal for a reason. Me and my spouse both use it and i know I’m a way better spouse, mom etc with it than without. Emotionally, physically and mentally. I don’t use to get high and neglect my kids but I definitely use so I can be more active with them. And I’m more patient. Just something to look into for him. Also put a limit on how much money he spends. We work it into our budget
He most likely has a pre-existing mood disorder and his cannabis use helps him cope with it, HOWEVER, he needs to see a healthcare professional for proper diagnosis and he could most definitely benefit from therapy or counseling. He may even need to be on other pharmaceuticals such as mood stabilizers. After all this, it’s gonna be up to you if you want to be married to him or not, things may improve if he seeks professional help
If you marry a man who can only be nice to you when he is stoned, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of abuse. Please seek some counseling for help you figure out why you would be willing to settle for this.
I know a few people who would get like this when they had no smoke, some of them it was withdrawal they couldn’t cope without it and most of them had underlying mental illnesses they never knew they had, the smoke helped their mental health and when they didn’t have any they got nasty and awful! Don’t just kick people to the curb cos you don’t know what’s going on in there mind, he just may need to talk to someone who’s not close to his life someone outside the box x
That’s withdrawals! Smoking can be a addiction. Talk to your doctors about it.
Seems to happen a lot.
See if he can get into therapy. You’re doing the best you can but you’re not a doctor I’m assuming. There may be some underlying issues there, or he just needs extra coping skills that neither of you know about yet. DEFINITELY work on that before you get married. Ask yourself if you can put up with this forever if it can’t be changed.
I know a lot of people like this! If he can control it and it doesn’t affect his job I would just let him do it
Just let the man smoke weed. It’s not like he’s addicted to an opioid or heroin. Weed is now legal for a reason. If your going to control a man for smoking weed of all things, then you have control issues you need to work on yourself.
Girl! You need to RUN!
That’s cause he’s more mellow stoned. My adult kids be like. Hey mom. Haddad smoked today. And if I say no. They go get him some. Lol he’s been smoking 30 years. He’s always been an advocate for medical. Make sure he always has some. He’ll be good. Some people just need it for depression and anxiety. They don’t even realize they have.
I wouldn’t be marrying him until it was sorted but that’s just me
I realized that I fell in love with my ex-husband when he was under the influence of either weed or alcohol. We dated long-distance for a whole year and every weekend was a party. When we got engaged and settled into real life… I realized I didn’t like him very much🤷🏽♀️.
My husband has been diagnosed as bipolar and this works the best for his emotional and mental health. He’s tried bipolar medication and it just didn’t work for him. We just budget it in with our other expenses. I’ve been with him so long that I’m used to his mood swings if he’s without it every now and then lol. He doesn’t say mean stuff but he definitely gets moody.
As a person with ADHD that uses cannabis to regulate it, when I’m unmedicated I can be short tempered. Not because I’m mad but everything is so much harder to manage unmedicated.
My brain goes mile a min but my time management sucks.
We are just as frustrated with ourselves but its hard to control unmedicated.
I’m sorry if that’s no help, just a different perspective.
He needs to regulate his usage and therapy is a good idea for anyone. Maybe figure out what he is self medicating for so y’all can learn things to help.
Sounds like he needs his medicine, does he work ? My medical marijuana is one of my Bill’s just like rent , power ect…
Sounds like he has a mental illness and is using marijuana to self medicate… Not that I’m saying it’s any excuse for his behaviors… Get him to a doctor, get a proper diagnosis, and counseling…
I wanna say he is dependent on it. It could be addiction or it could be a medicinal reason. You never know. I know when I am mellow I am nicer. When I am sober watch out lol
Keep him smoking then
He’s going through withdrawals. Encourage him to quit so his brain can learn how to produce dopamine properly again.
If he isn’t buying his own weed I’d say that he needs to. Period. He should be responsible for keeping his own stash.
If you think marriage will make it better then your wrong. Usually people get ten times worst after marriage.
He most likely has an underlying issue and weed helps him cope. Many people are like this. Male and female.
Google marijuana withdrawal. Its not a joke.
This is a major red flag you will have to put up with this bullshit for the rest of your life and it’s not fair to you or your child …altimatum either he quit or you leave
Sound like he may have a brain chemistry problem that the pot actually helps with
Oh i so feel ur pain…im in a 8 yr relationship with someone is sounds the exact same. I thought i was able to handle it myself but 8 going on 9 it hasnt change. The meanness will get worse unless you get him professional help. Im just now realizing myself that im not a counselor nor did i have the tools to help him. I requested him to seek help n he said he would try but walked out before they even called on his name to be seem. I promise it doesnt get any better n the rude comments will eventually become emotional n mentally abuse. Please after 8 yrs going to his family for help didnt work either cause they have tried themselves but gave up when they realize he would have to help himself. Please get out before its too late…im trying to do that myself right now…even though we have a 3 yr old who is noticing how his daddy is.
Please don’t marry this man. If he needs substances to respect you he doesn’t respect you. You & your son deserve better. Even if better is without a boyfriend/husband/father.
Not s point is an excuse to be mean. Get out. Love shouldn’t hurt!!
Let the man smoke! If it helps him, don’t hinder it. It’s not different than if he had to take prescription drugs, only it’s better for him. Smh. It’s freaking MJ, not coke.
I had an ex like that. Big difference in personality when not smoking…very mean. I couldn’t take it. I agree with Nikko above. Prayers for both of you.
Long time heavy weed smoker and I have cut down massively over the past year from multiple times daily to not at all or once in a while. Never have I had with drawls or been mean over weed. But I do know a few people who this has happened to and they all put tobacco in their weed. So in reality the withdrawal was and is from tobacco not the weed. But not sure if this applies to your situation.
I don’t smoke, my bf does. We have the exact symptoms when he has no weed, when I don’t take my Xanax. If he can cope with his underlying issue, whatever it is, naturally, and it works, leave it be. I encourage my bf to not wait until he runs out of weed to get more. Smoke all you want/need. Idc.
He has an addiction and the struggle is real.
to me it sounds like your dude might be bipolar and should see a doctor because one of these times he might get a little too angry and somebody might get hurt
Trust me that shit sucks ass, my husband had to quit while on probation. He was an asshole. He had been smoking bud for years so he didn’t really know how to cope with reality or regulate his emotions because he was always stoned. Tbh at the end of the day id let him know “Hey you took some shit out on me that i didn’t even cause” it took a good 2-3 weeks for him to get better about it. But after finally getting over the withdraw he’s gotten better about expressing how he is feeling instead of covering it with anger or silence. It was a rough road but it gets better.
So why can’t he smoke? Some people NEED to…it makes them more pleasant. So whats the problem?
If you are questioning this situation that alone says a lot about what you think
He’s not “the best man” you deserve someone who respects you and talks to you appropriately.
Walk away now don’t settle you will never be happy. You deserve more. Life is to short not to be happy. The only person you can change is you. Remember that the only person you can change is you.
Tell me him to quit the bud it will do wonders x
I’d start with asking him what it helps. And when he’s high and chilled out I bring it up then and make sure he knows because if he’s not getting a good smoke in to whatever reason he can’t treat you like that.
Try to go out and do more things together maybe buy him a pen to smoke instead so he can always have it on him maybe you guys could use some couple counseling if you cant just directly talk to him about it or if he doesnt change leave because he probably won’t if he doesnt want to make the effort
Some ppl smoke for anxiety/ depression/ ADD and other things
He should see a Dr for anger issues!
If you treat me bad for any reason you’re out. He has issues. He needs to deal with it. Without the weed. Who wants to depend on something every day all the time to be happy?
See mine is opposite, hes nasty when he smokes. Not when actually high, but he changes in himself. Gets snappy and bad tempered.
Do not marry him, it will only get worse when he knows your not going anywhere…
I just cant help but laugh at all this lol I smoked an ounce a week for 20 years got up said I wasn’t going to anymore and didn’t until a year ago when was diagnosed with cancer my husband thought for sure I would be crazy nope was fine never craved it once
Don’t marry a man who has to be high to get along with you. Sounds like he needs to stop or slow down and you guys see a couples counselor and try to figure it out for real. It’s not going to change if you’re the only person that sees an issue. If he cares and sees it too fix it so your relationship survives.
It’s called withdraws. Give him a week and he will be okay. it’s normal
I’m a huge advocate for cannabis and 100% believe in the abilities of it as medicine. However, NOT using cannabis is NOT an excuse to be ugly to people, especially people you love. There’s definitely more than just using cannabis or not using cannabis here. Cannabis is the crutch in this situation. Your boyfriend needs to deal with his issues and explore them on a deeper level (ie; therapy/counseling/etc.) and stop using his use or lack thereof as an excuse to not seek adequate help.
Leave. I was in the exact situation. He was a complete dick when he had no weed. We got married, 3 months later I was in the ER having CT scans, x-rays for a suspected fractured skull and eye socket, tests on my eye because it was a possibility I was going to lose it and stitches. (Luckily everything came back clear). Only seen him twice since, both times in court. They seem to show their true colours while sober.
Well if hes mean to u im not sure why youd marry him I think you need to ponder that question a bit. Smoking or not thats nit okay nor is it someone you want as a husband
Run run it will get bad
Detoxing makes you hot & sweaty, changes your whole mood/ mood swings. Takes about a week to go back to normal
And you think that is going to change when you say I do. I am sorry but it wont happen.
You do NOT deserve this kind of treatment period for any reason. Do not marry him and get stuck in this relationship. It will not change.
I smoked consistently for years. Quit cold turkey and have never experienced withdrawal from weed. If hes being mean to you while hes sober it’s not going to stop, he shouldn’t have to be high to tolerate you or treat you with respect. Get out now. You deserve better than that.
I have two exes who are exactly like that. They were fine as long as they were smoking but if they weren’t actively smoking or ran out they were mean af. The worst was if they couldn’t get more. In my situations it didn’t get better and they had to go. What’s really sad is my one exes sister is like that too
He could have bad anxiety which makes people very irritable sometimes… weed can treat anxiety but its a short term thing… sounds like he needs a long acting med and/or talk therapy. That’s not fair to you. If he wont work on his mental health then you should leave… you can’t help someone who won’t help themselves.
I smoke for my stress and anxiety ( mine was so bad i had a stroke) he still has no excuse to be mean to you id have to in the least pause wedding plans to see if it works out dont marry him like this it will be miserable
He’s a bully. The weed makes him happier and high, so he’s nice then. You know this. You wouldn’t be asking about this if you were sure you should marry this guy. Ans if you’re not sure if you should marry this guy, THEN YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO MARRY THIS GUY. Sorry for yelling but you need to Hear This!
Talk to him hun and tell him if he can’t deal with the withdraws from not having it then he can’t have you. Me and my husband just quit because of this it wasn’t worth our marriage.
I certainly wouldn’t marry him.
Sounds like there’s another issue to me
I know exactly what your talking about. My husband has stopped smoking so he could take the test to get his CDL’s for the company that he works for. After A couple days I noticed he would get real agitated over really nothing. I talked to him and come to find out he hasn’t been getting good sleep. I guess because he would smoke and then go straight to sleep and sleep through the night. So he started listening to this meditation Rem sleep sounds. It really helped. I was skeptical at first but after he started getting A good 8 hrs again he was back to him old self.
My man is the same, he been smoking for 30 years, I don’t fight it anymore, now I just accept that it is what it is, and hope he stays high. He spends a lot but I look at it like it’s meds and a necessity now. Maybe it is for your man too. maybe it’s time to pick your battles and let him smoke.
He’s responsible for his own attitude. You can’t help him with it or fix it. RUN
People saying “he’s a bully” she specifically says he doesn’t hurt her, just is mean and irritable.
Naw I’ll admit. I’m like this. I’ve got major depression, severe anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and smoking weed and cigarettes are one of my only coping skills. You can think it’s bad all you want, I ain’t changing for you but yes, I get mean. I get irritable, I want everyone and everything to fuck off if I cannot smoke. How about you maybe see your partner is going through a hard time mentally, and let him fucking smoke y’all are grown ass adults, and honey I’m sure you’ve spent money on yourself. You haven’t done your hair, nails, you haven’t bought ANY makeup recently? No new clothes? Let him buy a couple fucking grams. Or better yet, LET HIM GROW IT. Saves y’all hundreds of dollars. But lemme guess. You’re just gonna be a stingy B* if you don’t like it, leave him. Don’t be his mommy and try to tell him what to do though.
Id say let him keep getting high
You can’t help somebody if the not willing to help themselves and this is how he is now this is how he is gonna be when you get married
That’s called being spoiled and he’s needs to direct his attitude towards affording to both smoke and paying bills…ijs…there’s plenty of times to act like an ass, and not having a buzz isn’t one of them lol
My advice is not to get married unless this issue is resolved long before then because marriage won’t make him change. And in terms of addiction or attitude it doesn’t matter what you want they have to be willing to help themselves or you’re just preaching to a brick wall because unless they see a problem with their actions then they feel no need to correct them.
Sounds like ole BOY has his priorities jacked. The babies come first. Period. Health and security.
It’s not going to get any better, he’s most likely not going to change. You’re gonna have to either accept him as he is and be complacent or move on. I don’t see him changing, I honestly see it getting worse with more time and comfort.
I know some people might not believe this but weed addiction it’s very real. Try not to take it personal because that’s a fight within himself. You’re the person closest to him so therefore he lashes out on you. I don’t excuse his behavior at all. But if he’s willing to quit full time just hang in there and try to give him space while he gets through that internal battle. If you’re going to say I do to this man remember is for better or worse. Do you think he will do the same for you when you’re having an off day? Will he be patient with you?
You’re literally describing me. I’m like that when I don’t smoke. My best advice is if you Love him and are serious about the relationship then you need to budget weed as one of your expenses. We smoke both recreationally and medically and if I didn’t smoke everyday I’d rip his head off. So I can definitely understand where he is coming from. Now if he isn’t making any effort to be cool when you don’t have it then that’s on him and he needs to chill the fuck out. If we don’t have it, we don’t have it.