So my fiance and I have been together for four years and lately have been having problems. We are trying to work on things… My worry is if we split, how we would make parenting plan work. I don’t want to do it 50/50. Our baby girl is eight months. He ignores her so he can play games/ watch tv. He pawns her off on my family while I’m at work so he can have a break every day. He doesn’t feed her solids because he’s lazy. He only recently started giving her baths before bed, and that’s maybe once a week. He doesn’t read to her. And he has a temper, so he yells at the baby and calls her names and swears at her. Are these concerns valid? Should I bring these things up in court? I love him, and just because we might not make it work doesn’t mean I want to take his baby from him. I think he has the potential to change, but I’ve been trying to change those things since she was born. He doesn’t seem to want to change. He acts like she’s an inconvenience. Let me know what you think, Mommas . . Overreaction? Legitimate concerns? Or…?
Start writing everything down, video it as well if you are there when he is doing this. Can he even afford a lawyer?
He yells and swears at an 8 month old baby? I think you just answered your own question sweetie, he needs to be in the past and you need to nurture that baby girl of yours
Valid concerns! Document everything and bring it up in court. Facts work!
If he is cussing and calling an 8 month old names he shouldn’t be left alone with her PERIOD.
A man that can call his baby, any baby for that matter names isn’t a man at all. He doesn’t deserve your love or hers walk away now, and don’t leave him alone with her. God forbid he does something he could never take back.
Those are very valid concerned document conversation related to him yelling at the baby it record it and use it to get full custody he doesn’t take care of her properly now and that’s not going to change at all when you spilt I would ask for every other weekend or supervised visits depending on his anger issues and negelrct
You need to fucking leave
Get small cameras and place them in hidden places around the house then you have proof and gather people who have seen him acting badly
Document everything ,supervised visitation child support he won’t change
She’s 8 months old. He shouldn’t be taking his anger out on an 8 MONTH OLD. Give him supervised visits at the most. Don’t push him to change and don’t give him anymore than that. He’ll change for her if he really wants to be a dad. If not, she’s not missing out on anything
If you are concerned enough to bring this to a forum of strangers, you are looking for validation. Do not leave him alone with your baby. You have to take your life back and make a better life for her. He cannot attend to her needs, it sounds like he’s not that mature from what you are telling us. I would go to Children and Family services, talk to a representative. They can point you in the right direction, document what you’ve said in case you need it at some point, maybe do some other services for you. Do not overreact with him, keep your cool. Remember that everything you say and do is being watched and can be used against you so you want to be the grown up in this for the safety of your little miracle.
You’ve just answered your own questions why you defending him? She’s a baby protect her!
I wouldn’t leave your child around him if he’s calling your baby names and stuff
Leave him. He’s too immature
You need to keep him away from this baby now this is abuse and can only get worse
Wow. I’m sooo glad to hear your splitting, I’m
Sorry to say that but he doesn’t sound like father or husband material. Document as much as possible, has he even asked for visitation? Sounds like he doesn’t want to be with her now or take care of her so why would he want to if you leave? I’d suggest to him that you will take primary care and then he can arrange to see her when it’s convenient for him, see if he even wants to have her? I saw something similar in a friends split dad was the same way and then when they split he didn’t even want to take his baby till she was older like 4 then he started asking for over nights and seeing her more. Which is sad but if he can’t be a good dad and yells at a baby then it’s for the best.
Your baby should come first and shouldn’t have to suffer in any way keep it safe. Love and care always. Don’t let anyone abuse them at all.God be with you.
“He’s abusive and neglectful to our baby but I love him”… sounds like both of y’all need to grow up.
Hes being abusive and neglecting ur child. Y r u allowing this to continue?
I am sorry but why did you have a baby with him he sounds like a real winner
I think he needs to learn some patientions.
Some states now demand parenting classes for divorce. I am sure it would also affect parents not married. Check your town or city for classes. It would come in handy for custody case in court.
Um take her far away, I doubt he’ll even ask for weekends. There’s no custody order so let him change while she’s not there. Please keep her safe.
Your child comes first 100% of the time no matter what. I think he’s at risk of hurting your baby and possibly even shaking. Aggression towards a baby is a huge risk factor and a serious red flag. You need to leave ASAP and as far as custody goes I would ask for court supervised visits if he even takes it that far but it sounds like he won’t. Court will get involved when you go after child support or if the state pursues it for you if you end up on assistance. But seriously your daughter can’t be around him it’s not safe.
I really always find it ironic how women will always put up with things when they are with a man either towards them or their children, but as soon as they break up, they are concerned for their child, this and that, he’s a bad father he is abusive, ect. Yet, always asking or eluding to wanting to make it work and wanting to stay together. If he was good enough to have a child with and good enough for 8 months, you probably even have photos of him captioned and all about “daddy” " good man" ect… and yet here you are… does any of this make sense?
Document. Will these family members back you up?
And this is the person whom you chose to have a child with unfortunately! Maybe mention the temper issue bc eventually he will have to be with his daughter on his own. As far as the rest you really can’t do much if he owns her off to his family if you both split and uts his weekend. Again, unfortunately you put up with this nonsense before this baby was born & now your child will endure that nonsense. Just try to be more responsible next time and just attend to what you need to with your child.
Does he need a mental health evaluation?
Sounds like it to me.
He is abusive but you love him? That baby should be taken away from the both of you. If your willing to stay or even try with this abusive man how can anyone belive that the next man in your life won’t be worse. Document his abuse and get away from him.
He is telling you loud and clear that he does not want to be a father. I’ll bet that if you were to leave the house one day and come back with out the baby, he won’t even notice much less care. Leave him and let him make the next step. Please understand that he doesn’t want a family. He is not father material his a sperm donor at best.
Is gaming a new habit??? If not, you signed onto it.
I think he just so immature to have a baby, he has gaming addiction. Just you need to give him time and ask to change himself.
Sounds like he needs supervised visitation only
Well one he shouldn’t be name call, swearing and hateful to his baby. She’s an infant. He needs to control his posture . I think I’d be concerned
8 months in and these are just now concerns because you’re splitting up? on god, you should have walked away 8 months ago. I will never understand why you’re even still there. First time he yelled at my baby, I would have walked away. And you claim hes abusive? The fuck? Why are you still there?! Woman the fuck up leave and take care of your child. Quit with the stupidity.
I love all these women complaining about their man being an abusive piece of shit and yet they choose to have kids with them and then come on here asking if they have to share the baby with him. Like why the hell have kids with him to begin with
I love how you women get ONE SIDE of the story and jump right on the bandwagon. Glad y’all got it all figured out. Keep on drinking that kool aid. It will ultimately be up to a court. Let’s hope she isn’t just one of those jilted women who will use their child. And the absolutely do exist. Proven a few times on this page alone. The husband’s only do what you allow them to do. And it’s funny how it is never really an issue until the people split.
After reading all that if it were me he wouldn’t be seeing that child at all … but it is up to you definitely no visitation with the child on his own
I mean court won’t believe everything you say… it’s a lot of he says she says and they are used to bitter baby mamas…
Sounds to me like he is a fiance and you are not married. If I’m right I think you could just go and take your baby. Let him be the one to fight for the child and take you to court. Then in there is where I would vent my . concerns. I would just go to job and family services and file for child support. The state should take over from there.
No a days men want to act like it’s no problem they need to handle there busyness and b a man and grow up and stop acting childless
If the dad is doing all that then yes you guys neeed to split your child comes first and come up with agreement for him to visit the child at lest until the child is oder and yes if u take to court tell the judge but u might want to have proof of what your saying because u can set and say all day long what he does they just tell u its hear say so if u deside to take it to court have proof
As much as the obvious answer is that he should have supervised visits- the reality is that will NOT happen. For any of the reasons you stated. Family Court is about keeping both parents involved. Been there. Basically it boils down to- he has the right to be a shit father. Unless it is pursued by the police as child abuse- he will get his time with his daughter without any restrictions. Take this into consideration when making plans- you have zero control over what he does on his time. I am sorry, but that is the reality… I have lived it. His right to be a father will legally trump a child’s right to a drama free happy life…
Yes, your concerns are valid and you definitely need to bring them up in court. Have witnesses if possible. Ask for supervised visits.
Wtf ?? Why are you questioning this behaviour? This is wrong on all levels- i would not be leaving my child alone with him he sounds like a man child & has a lot of growing up to do himself - love him or not he is unfit to parent his child - you have given many reasons & still doubting if you are being harsh ? - I think your own personal feelings have a lot to do with this as you are parting with the man you love but its for the best, you and your baby deserve more! Best of luck
Get proof of everything.
I’m dealing with court with an abusive ex and because I’d don’t document everything I have no grounds to stand on.
That’s abuse you do t treat children like that
No and you’re exactly mature about it. I would be worried too so definitely bring it up in court and maybe get video proof
Yeah I wouldn’t let him have her at all if he’s gonna act like that. Keep notes and mention all of that in court!
Just let the split between you take place! Let him fight for the child if he wants to ! And when he does give him your conditions on the child on feeding, yelling and also he should spend some quality time with the baby.
Take the child and leave and if he is how u say then let him go to court himself to see the baby odds are he won’t even file anyways
Well you aren’t married, so in some states the mother has full rights if the parents split. And the dad had to go to court for custody if you aren’t comfortable withhim alone then dont let him be alone. Sounds like it may not be a good idea.
If he is so rough with her with you present than I couldn’t imagine how he would be behind closed doors.
Defiantly follow your gut and do what’s best for your little one
Sounds like my ex, he was exactly the same , I kicked him out, he very rarely sees his son even though he lives right up the street from me, and I’m honestly ok with that, my son is better off without being treated like that
Get proof of all of this. It could get ugly so be prepared. Recordings, diary, anything to prove it. Character witness.(not family) get a lawyer now for advice. I would ask for supervised visits and full custody. Good luck
Leave him calling the baby names and behaving in such a vile manner. He doesn’t sound like he cares
Leave him. Go for full custody. Yelling and cussing at her has the potential to escalate to physical abuse. Catch him on video and use it in court. He doesn’t deserve to be in her life.
show proof if you get the court involved… record it and show any documentation!!! it will help and go for child support!
Im guessing none of this was happending when you decided to make him your sperm donor …only started after…u had no idea he would be this way …
Or did u foolishly think becoming a dad would change him?
People chose their house and car so carefully…but the father of their children or mother in some cases …they seem to be so reckless…
Sending prayers …
Also im assuming your going after child support?
Or u have a great job with excellent pay …
I really hope u dont expect the tax payers to pay for the child u chose to make .
Legitimate concerns 100%!!!
Well if he’s not an unfit person or parents then you should go 50/50 50/50 physical custody 50/50 educational 50/50 medical decision-making 50/50 major life decision making and 50/50 legal custody or you have sole physical custody and 50/50 everything I mentioned above seems fair and whoever has the child or children have to provide everything they need at the time so that you don’t even have to worry about child support. You’re thinking selfishly here because right away in your post you said you don’t want to do 50/50 but it’s not about you it’s about the relationship between the child and father and you shouldn’t want to come in between that the child is just as much to you as it is yours. Sounds like you’re the one that has your foot out the door of the relationship so you have to understand that if you don’t want to give up any time with your child that’s not really a choice for you if you split up. This is the problem with people they don’t think about what kind of parents the person is going to be that they’re having a kid with I’m sure he was exactly the person he is before you got pregnant you just didn’t want to see the warning signs.
Get out now. And make sure he only gets supervised visitation…for your child’s safety.
Why would you want someone like that around your baby he sounds awful. Who treats a baby like that. Doesn’t sound like you could even trust him to look after her.
You’re not even married so if you just walk away take the baby with you and unless he tries to take you to court just ignore and avoid him. He probably wont attempt to take you to court.
Tell him to don’t bother to come around if you can’t love your child
You need to get the baby away from him before it comes to any harm
Leave him and tell him to GTF how dare he shout at a baby , I’m sorry you have a right to be concerned about this u don’t know what he is up to with that baby when your not around and if he had a bad temper with a baby he should t be near her at all , you are defo not overreacting I wouldn’t leave my baby with anyone like that
Get a copcam and record everything he doesn’t have to know and gives you peace of mind best be cautious than sorry:thinking:
Why in the world would you want to leave your baby ,who doesn’t show interest in it ,keep your baby safe at all costs, maybe he will be a better father someday but for now, do what you gotta do Mama !!!
The lady’s don’t know what
A good man looks like thes days
Just the bad ones. All they wont
If he is like this then you need to fight for full custody and allow him supervised visits. That is down right wrong and messed up. My ex did that to my kids while I worked. Neglected them and would scream at them. Of course he was an abusive piece of shit. Don’t let him have a thing till he straightens up his act other than supervised visits. From there he will reveal whether or not he’s a fit father. And document EVERYTHING
Leave him and get visitation rights with someone with him
Why would you want to work it out? If he treats the baby like that.
He should seek help. Men can go through a funk after a child arrives too.
He should not have visitation at all in my opinion
I think you should stop crying over loving this piece of sh*t and love your baby more before you try and play victim when this monster does something to hurt this child threw neglect or abuse. You picked him and had a child. It’s obvious his parents are enablers to his pathetic behavior and he knows this as well. He’s not going to help you one bit and needs to be forced to pay support threw the courts cause he won’t any other way. Start recording him right now on how he acts where you have proof of his behavior. You already know he’s unfit to be around a child. If something happens from here on out it’s gonna be just as much your fault because you know how he is but oh you love him foolishly thinking he was gonna change and be a man and daddy of the year. Good luck with that.
Take custody and file for primary. I have primary of my almost 10 month old baby girl since she was 5 months old. I have it where I have to agree to times her dad can have her.
Yeah bring those up in court, you want your baby to grow up in an abusive household just because you “love” him? Maybe get your priorities straight. You have a child to think of, whether you love him or not the baby needs to come first. Period.
if I was in your shoes, I’d walk away. he’s a toxic person for your baby. Documant everything he does from ignoring her to yelling at her. take him to court, making him pay child support with no visitation unless he gets help first and starts to show he’s changing, otherwise he wont, and your baby doesn’t need to be around him.
When you leave don’t run to court wait and see if he calls to see her if he doesn’t call don’t reach out to him I had this issue with my kids dad and he barely saw them I kept it written and posted on a calendar for court!
Record his behavior so he doesn’t get 50/50 and maybe the courts will make him take an anger management class before seeing his kid. Document everything. Text your parents pictures of her so you have proof every time he pawns your child off. Why in the world would you want to stay? It’s just going to get worse.
Yelling, calling her names and screaming at her is not the way a DADDY treats his children. She innocent at 8 mo old. He’s just the sperm donor. Sounds like a very immature boy. Lucky he does “pawn her off” on your family because he may harm her if he doesn’t get his “break”. Move on momma, protect your child, and because y’all were never married it will be easier
Make sure to download. A voice recorder or put a secret baby cam so u can have solid proof. Words mean nothing in court, video,pictures and voice recordings do!
Yes. They are definitely things you should bring up. Most of the time though, a child under 2 won’t go into a 50/50 arrangement because they are too young to be away from mom for that long at a time. BUT in a lot of states (so you should definitely check) he actually has to file for court ordered parenting time because when you aren’t married, there is no legal assumption that the child is theirs, and there’s no divorce proceeding. If that makes sense. So then mom is automatically sole custody until he files.
It doesn’t sound like he’s very interested in being a father the only time my kids father is not around us is when he’s working so yes your concerns are valid.
He needs to grow up. My husband did, though he still doesn’t have the desire or patience to keep either of our kids for extended time. It gets better when baby is older and more self sufficient. He grew up so we never split, so idk legally, but perhaps if you do split up you can appeal to him on a personal level to only take her once a week until she’s walking and talking and potty trained. Now, he’ll get to dip his toe in as she gets more independent, which comes with its own struggles, but she’ll get easier to communicate with and to redirect. As long as you keep open communication, maybe he will be coming to you for suggestions by then. But if you’re already throwing in the towel, then you don’t have faith that he will change what you’re asking or do the work you need done, so… why waste everyone’s time? Put it to him straight. “I want counseling weekly and an investment to change before her first birthday, or we call it now instead of wasting each other’s time.”
Why would you be with someone like that? Your poor baby deserves better!
He needs 2 things, a job and to grow up.
Leave Why would you want that around your child. So YES!! Bring it up in court. He won’t change
Really! And you’re asking for advice when you know he already curses your eight-month-old out screams at her. You don’t need advice you need to get your s*** together pick up your baby and leave
Everything else… in my opinion… is typical Male. But… yelling and cussing a baby. Fuck that! Not ever is that acceptable! Ever! Flash foward 15 years… a different story. Lol. But… never a baby!
Yeah that’s abuse- definitely bring it up.
I would try to get as much proof as you can before leaving. Videos, voice recordings, they want proof not just hear say. I would get out of that relationship unless he does some sort of counseling to change his behavior. Best of luck momma
Some courts have age appropriate parental plans. Your best option is to look up your local county and court. Find Family Court. They will have guidelines for the minimum allowed in your jurisdiction. My sons father and I had to go through mediation. It was mandated by family court.
He is getting beat up quite a bit on here. Do you know if he was raised in a verbally or physically abusive home? Anger, yelling and cursing is a secondary emotion. Have you ever asked him what his underling emotion is that drives the anger? Could it be fear? PTSD? Does he have mental health issues? Alcohol or a drug problem?
If the two of you can’t work. You at least want to feel better knowing she is in safe hands. Requesting supervised visits or anger control classes
Lmao you’re trying to work things out ? With someone you claim is a dangerous threat to your baby ? Youve got to be joking right ? Either you’re lying or you have no freaking sense. Either way sounds like that child has been stuck with two crappy parents …
He needs to grow up, children R a gift from God. I don’t think he will make a good father until he does.
Yes. Bring it up in court. You are her voice. My ex was horrible too. I was lucky. He disappeared until the youngest graduated. He has only been seen on FB. He would have damaged my babies beyond repair. It was actualy worth not getting child support
Yes, video tape, keep notes on a calendar, be your own private eye for your child’s sake. Be sure to get all info you can about him -s/s #, drivers license #, back acct #, if he has 401k, any saving or ownership of anything --I think you get the message. It will pay off in the end to have everything you can. Good Luck
When you feel he is about to flip out on the baby in front of you get that on record or get a hidden camera.
He needs some help. Like parenting classes, anger management, and therapy.