Been with my fiancé 4 years have 1 child together and one from a previous relationship our relationship has been rocky lately from him arguing with my son from the previous relationship about taking out garbage and doing any household chores I do work full time plus come home cook clean wash clothes feed the kids and play with them as well as get them ready for bed and all he does is come home from work and play video games we go half and half on bills but ge feels that since he does that he doesn’t need to help around the house nor the kids or take garbage out this has been an on going conversation for the past 4 years and every time I tell him he needs to go I can do things on my own when he’s out staying else where he doesn’t call to check on the baby nor ask if I need anything it’s me calling him to see if he’s ok or if he can call to see the baby because the baby ask for him then when we do speak he says he will change an help out around the house and with the kids but when he’s back in the house it’s back to square one nothings changed I’m tired of brining up what’s bothering me and what he needs to help with and nothing changes when I ask him to do things he makes me wait until he feels like doing it or when he feels like going somewhere to do it I can ask can u take the garbage out he will say that’s not my job or yea but not take it out until the next day I will ask can u clean the bathtub he will say yea but wait for the weekend and never will I will end up doing it with the kids in their meanwhile he’s down stairs playing video games he’s so manipulating to making it seam that I complain a lot or I ask for so much or make me seam like the bad person…please need some advice I’m tired of going through the same thing over and over again
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What to do about a mother in law who will not listen?
Run…he is a child attemtping a piss poor job at being a man…a REAL man will step upand help out WHENEVER it is needed. A relationship is a team!
It’s not going to get any better. Don’t marry him.
As it stands if you don’t like or can’t imagine a future with this person then you need to move on… obviously hes gaslighting you… and the manipulation is top tier. You deserve so so much better. But that is a you thing. You have to decide are you willing to continue to put up with it. Or can you walk away
He won’t change. Ever. Kick him to the curb and keep being the single mom you’ve always been.
So in other words your raising a big child that you continue to enable??? Did i get that right?
Your son will learn by example ! Remember that!
Leave. Honestly leave. My fiance pays more towards the household bills since I pay for a car loan and insurance. But he still takes out the trash, vacuums, puts dishes away, gets the kids up and ready for school and puts them to bed every night (I work 2am-10am so I go to bed once he’s home) I do feed them dinner and help them with their showers, plus set out clothes for school and get their water bottles for school put in thr fridge. My fiance plays video games but typically he plays them for a couple hours on his day off when thr kids are content doing their own thing. You sound like your dealing with a boy, not a man. Clearly he’s not changing so you either need to decide if this is thr way you want your future to be or not.
He’s a man-child. It will not change. He will teach your child to he the same way.
I’m going to be very blunt with you. You know he’s never going to change but when you guys take a break and he comes back around he’s the same person so you’re allowing this to happen at this point. You know what you need to do. You don’t need advice on what to do cause you already know. You’re allowing him back into the home. Stop letting him back into the home and file child support against him for your child with him. You’re enabling him to treat you like this. So either stop letting him in or stop complaining about it n deal with it.
Do not marry that fucktard he will make ur life a living hell, and doesn’t seem like he cares for ur other child and to me thats a red flag so that’s not a man his a child and he has no compassion sometimes we need to walk away and love is just not enough
I would not stay with that guy any longer.
When he leaves why do you call if he doesn’t?! You keep letting him come back. He’s never going to change because you just give in. Sounds like you actually need to do as you say you can do so well, and live without him for a while. This time, don’t let him back in. If not then learn to live with it. Cause it sounds like he’s never going to change.
He’s taking you for a ride…as long as you don’t keep him from his child…kick him out and don’t call him!!! If you take ahold of your life you’ll be happier and I’ll bet your son will be more willing to help out…why should he see a grown man sitting on his butt playing games!!
So does he bring anything to the relationship? You deserve someone who wants to make you happy and help make your life easier. You are already doing everything by youfself, so what do you need him for!?
Pack up all the game’s. Tell him he can have them back… When he acts like a adult partner.
Read your own post as if it were someone else’s. Sounds like he’s just there for the free booty and maid services. Especially since he doesn’t have anything to do with yall is he stays elsewhere. You’re not his maid, you’re supposed to be his partner. I would let him leave for good. Yes, you’ll be sad at first but you will be so relieved and won’t feel annoyed that he’s not pulling his weight if he’s not there. Speaking from experience. I’ve always said if you’re doing it by yourself with someone, you can do it by yourself without them (and it will be so much less stressful). Btw, that manipulation is called gaslighting. It’s what narcissist do. Know your worth and don’t accept less. Have him leave, file for child support and move about your life making yourself and your children happy. Don’t teach them that his behavior is acceptable by staying in that relationship. Your children deserve a happy mom and you do too
He has no right to yell at your son about chores when he’s the on that’s setting the example.
Your an enabler… is this how you want your children to act when adults? Not to mention your son is gonna get very angry with you and him for letting him treat him like that. You know it’s not gonna change, it’s just gonna get worse. He has no respect for you ( cheater on the horizon) . If he won’t go and it’s your place , I’d pack up all his things, place outside with his video play station on top of the pile , change all the locks, if he bangs on the door, you tell him your done he had his last chance, it’s time to go, if he keeps banging and yelling and doesnt leave tell him I will call the police and get an order of protection. Then go down to the courts and apply for full custody of your child.
The most advice you’ll get from this group is to leave. That is the number one go to in this group. My advice is to stop doing it all. Whatever it is that he is suppose to let it wait until he does it.
Cut the cord honestly. And just let him go - you have it covered on your own. He sees it as you’re just gunna accept the behavior especially given its been 4 years. You can’t force someone to be involved
Get out with the kids and move on. Hes a waste of time.
Its ur choice. Been with my ole man for almost 9 years and i work and keep the house. Hr works longer hrs than me and he works in the weather. Its ur choice. Just necause ur child dorsnt see him doing house chores doesnt mean u cant teach ur child to do them. My granny worked a full time job raised us grandkids kept the house and took care of my papaw after work. So make ur own choices instead of asking everyone else what thy would fo. What makes u happy may not make others happy
Don’t marry him. He’s setting you up for a life of accepting that you have to take care of him. This is why single women live longer and married men live longer. It won’t change no matter what he says to keep you. He’s trapped you with a kid but you don’t have to stay. It can be easier to just be a single mama.
He’s not a man your just raising a whole ass other child. Time for him to pack his bags if you’ve tried communicating time and time again. Girl you already doing it as a single woman it might as well be that way for real.
Girl!! Put his stuff in those BAGS and tell him to get Them and take his self and the Rest of the trash OUT!!! …
DON’T let your kids see you treated like This!!..
Get yourself a plan set and put it in action… You are ALREADY doing it on your own so…
Gurl you got this. It sounds like you don’t need him at all he’s not contributing or anything. Make a payment plan for child support and present it to him with your ring and say peace
No dick is that good…
He’s a loser why stay 4 years
Why are you with this guy? I would rather be by myself than living with a deadbeat. You are not his Mom. He should be there and helping with the household he lives in. If he isn’t interacting with the kids then why are you asking him to. If he cared he’d show it. You are not unreasonable but he needs to step up or you need to get away from him. I don’t see him paying child support or seeing the kids when separated if he’s not doing it now. It’s sad but he is showing you minimum effort.
My man be lucky if I ask him to do something more than once before I get mad and do it myself. And then he gets mad that I did it. I didnt ask you 4 days ago to do something because I need it done a week from now. I asked when I asked because I needed your help now. 39 weeks pregnant, with our 4th, still moving heavy stuff and scooping cat litter. men dont understand. Even if we work the same hours. We’re expected to do all that and be super humans at the same time.
Have you gone on strike?? When HE comes home, you will be on the video game and he can fix dinner !!! ETC. OR… hide the controllers. He sounds like a boy.
I wouldn’t do anything for him anymore if he needs clean clothes he can wash them cook for you and your kids maybe make enough for him but say the dinner is on the stove come male your plate don’t wash his dishes let the trash can fill up until he takes out out it’s ridiculous if both of yall work it’s a lot on one person I’m a stay at home mom to 4 kids and one on the way I know the struggle is real
Red flags! He should try being a super step parent to your older child. Building a bond… I hope you step up for your child… would you want his father with a “lady” who treated him like crap or a super step mom who had fun and loved her child… I know I would be livid (probably fight for full custody)
Try communicate all this to him. Serious conversation. This can’t be fixed if he doesn’t fully understand. If he can’t get what you’re saying or reacts like it’s not a big deal. Give him some time to think about by ghosting him even if he’s in you’re home. Your needs are not being met why worry about his anymore. He’ll listen & learn and grow with you. If that’s what he wants. If not you can’t make him change either. By letting it slide. You’ll burn out. I hope this turns around for you every one is going through it right now who are in relationships.
Sounds like a lazy piece of crap and you need go kick him to the curb
Say goodbye for good. Make him miss you and the kids. Don’t answer if he calls. Don’t give him the time of day.
•First, it is not HELPING you. That language implies it is your sole responsibility to care for the home. It isn’t. He is equally responsible for your home together. He is shirking his responsibility. That’s not okay.
• Secondly, he is making false promises and not following through. He is unreliable. That is not okay.
•Third, he is showing you that he doesn’t value you, your children, nor your home. That is not okay.
Girl get rid of his lazy ass he’s gonna keep telling you that he will change and yet he hasn’t and he knows if you tell him you’ll take him back when he says he’s going to change but he won’t and he knows that. He’s trying to get out of paying child support
So…how does he benefit and add to your life?
Tell him to be an adult and do what’s needed around the house with you or tell him to leave and he can do it all himself in his new place without you. It’s not helping out because this isn’t your chores. It’s adulting and getting done what needs to be done.
Put the video games somewhere else out of the house and tell him he can have them back when he steps up and acts like a man for two months or after he moves out. His choice. But I’d be worried about the way he treats your other child. Might be worth breaking up over that.
Try couples counseling to see if that helps hm see he has to be a better partner and father to your other child. If not, you know you need to break it off for good. Don’t put your children through hell.
Get rid of him. He’s not going to change, he just used that to pull you back in. You already do it all on your own. You don’t need a man child to add to your stress.
think twice or maybe 3xs before marrage its not going to change
To be very honest with you love, it’s never going to change!! You sound like you’d be better on your own with your kids and one less kid to pick up after(him) next time you put him out keep him out. I’ve been through it and never changes… big hugs x
Take that damn video game until he does what you ask then ask him how it feels. I’m sorry I hate this for you because I don’t know if he will ever change as long as you are the one putting in all the effort.
Next time you kick him out keep him out. And for gods sake quit calling him.
Lazy. Men need to understand women no longer need men just to provide income and security. Modern women need partners. Men who help in the house and with the kids. Who contribute financially. Who add to their lives. Tell him what you need, want and expect if he can’t do that then goodbye. I have been married 19 years we have adjusted and readjusted what we need from eachother. Ye the kids help but he more than pulls his own weight.
When he gets on your child, then get on him to do chores, set an example!
Since he thinks it’s not his responsibility, like his the only one working, it’s clear he needs a reality check.
If you dont want to marry a lazy gamer brat, then you need to find yourself a new man, that is a better role model for your children.
He sounds like he doesn’t REALLY care about you or want to be a daddy - just a roommate with booty call benefits. Also, if you kick him out you can’t call him and bring him back expecting change. You have to wait him out and not go chasing after him - if you think he is worth it - and let him miss you and the kids and also realise what he needs to change to be a part of the family.
You need to let him go and find a real man.
Take his game console away, if he’s going to be like a child, treat him like one
Same spot and I telling mine either help or be gone
He’s not gonna change or else he already would have. It’s been 4 years. You’re doing everything on your own already anyway, what’s the point of having him around only to bitch at? Let him go. If he doesn’t wanna be a good spouse or parent you can’t force him. Throw the whole dude away. Bye-bye!
You need to stick to your word. AND DON’T CHASE HIM.
Tell him that this is the 21 century and parenting and house work is 50/50 . My eldest son is a hands on father , husband and he and his wife are each other’s best friends . Yes I’m sure they have their disagreements but that’s normal unless your a robot . If your husband truly can’t help you and you are truly unhappy if he has any love at all for you he will leave and let you find someone you deserve
If not happy move on
Let him go he has clearly shown you who he really is by his broken promises and continued inaction. 4 years wasted. Realistically YOU’RE already doing it ALL yourself. Cut the dead weight focus on your children/yourself living your best life. It’s possible. Good luck
get out now he is never going to help around the house as this is ‘‘women’s work’’ that is how he was raised he is never going to put your first child on a even footing with your second child run for the hills now before it becomes physical with your first son
Better off on your own
why should he change when he knows he doesn’t have to? kick him out, give him a year to work at it and show you he means to change…then talk about coming back. Gotta have some willpower girl
I believe you meant to send this to your marriage counselor. You hit the wrong button and sent it to Facebook for 3 billion other people to read.
Change the wifi password and tell him he can play his games when his chores are done or tell him to go move back in with his momma
so you have to figure out, if you want someone to just help pay the bills, or leave, because he isn’t going to change, ever
You need to just get rid of him " go it alone " he is not worth the worry just run "
always a duck, always a duck… if you have been together for 4 years and you know thing’s are not changing or going forward…Then you know what to do…maybe leaving? This is scary, but maybe better in the long run. video games is a guy thing, but you are not his house keeper. you need to figure things out, 4 years is a long time to wait to get married, to have something finalized. you are not bad for thinking that you need more in your life than being his clean up crew.again you are not complaining…you came into this relationship thinking you had a partner, not someone else you clean up after,right?
Write down everything that needs to be done daily, weekly, monthly.
Have a good talk with him. Make each of you responsible for half of the above noted list.
Remind him that he is a partner and a parent. He needs to fulfill these roles properly or it will never work.
Let him know what you need from him to be happy. Do not say the words " help me" using these words insinuates that these things are your responsibility only and that he can help whenever he feels like it. Nope. Do not even put that out there. He is a equal partner and everything is exactly 50% his responsibility.
If he slacks on his part, well that’s on him. You’ve done everything you can at this point and there is no need to put any more energy into this partnership. Because that is what I is , a partnership. You wouldn’t be business partners with someone and do all the work for equal benefits and pay, so why would you allow this to happen in your relationship.
Take the PLUG
AN LEAVE HIS ASS
4 years is a long time to wait for change. It’s not going to happen. He has no interest in your relationship except having someone who will take care of his child, his home and probably sex when he wants it; oh and pays half of everything. He still comes and goes as he pleases, but your stuck with the kids. Things aren’t going to change and since he doesn’t have an interest or investment in the relationship he will at some point decide to move on, especially if he doesn’t like your son. He is not going to change, but you can. Don’t invest any more of your youth and time into this.
My gramma used to say “you’ll end up with whatever you’ll put up with”, seems like your theme song
You can’t change someone. Either deal with it or end it. Sounds like he’s just using you. That’s not a relationship.
Clearly you need to let him go. Why are you still with him if you know he ain’t s**t?
Also it’s seem*
Then have your own garbage and take it out. Cook for you and the kids, let him do his own. Wash your own clothes, leave him his and half the kids. Wash his own dishes, get his own groceries. And certain days of the week leave earlier and him with the kids to take to daycare…etc. your his wife. Not his mother and certainly not his maid.
If he doesn’t help out before you wed or have a kid, he is not going to undergo a miraculous change because you do. Men are NOT DIY projects. Take them as they come or leave them alone.
Let him go u already say u can do it and don’t help and hasn’t on four years? It’s time to do for u and the kids .
Don’t except him back
Sounds like my first and second ‘ex’ husbands.
If you’re not happy then only you can fix that.
Lock him in the bathroom until it’s done. Take away his phone and hide it. Act like a kid, treat him like a kid.
Put the video games in bathtub with some bleach and hot water
Gaslighting by the sounds of it
Getting advise is fine, but you already know the answer to this. You are the one that lives it, your the one that allows him to walk on you, your the one doing everything, while allowing him to have his cake and eat it. Why would you want to marry a man that has no respect for you? A real man wouldn’t treat you like that… he gets all he needs from you and don’t give a rip about your wants or needs!! Yes I believe kids need chores and responsibilities but so does the man of the house… you can stay with him a life time he’s not going to change you’ve experienced that already. You need to decide what’s best for you and your children… we can all tell you but until you decide for yourself advise is just wasted words!! Good Luck. I hope you find out what a real man is like and your life is Blessed.
We all can give you advice hon,but you already know what you need to do!
You dont Have A Partner…You’ve Got 3rd Child( A Man Child…Him sitting Playing Video Games Is Lazy)
Dont put up with it…Kick him to the Curb. 4 Years He’s had his chance to change & Hasn’t made the 1st Move.
Your Already doing Everything so what do you need him for.
I Promise You There’s a Real Man Out There Looking For A Woman Like You & Treat You Like A Queen. Handle Your Business & Kick the Trash Out.
Put him back where you found him. Don’t spend your life catering to a manchild.
He is only interested in his video games. Stop asking for help. Tell him to do his part or take his toy and go. Get child support for the child he is also not taking responsibility for . You are his maid to him. Being a doormat for the privilege of being with him means he will walk on you as long as you allow it.
I agree with everyone here. Only you know what to do. If it hasn’t changed in 4 years, it never will. Either you want to live like that or don’t… it’s your decision
If you are truly tired of it you leave and dont go back. Actions speak louder than words, and hes repeatedly shown you hes all talk. Hard when you share a child but doesnt sound like hes being much of a father either. Takes lots of courage but you can do it. Leave and dont look back.
Leave or have him leave. You already know THIS is your life from here on out and if you are not happy imagine another 10 years like this.
Hit the road Jack! He is an under achieving man!
Good thing he’s not your husband, time for him to go… He’s another child you’re taking care of
Increase his share of bills tell him he now has to pay for maid service, the house does t clean itself. Give him a monthly bill for what it costs you to clean the house,cook, take out garbage wash clothes, dry clothes, put them away ECT.
If he doesn’t want to pay you hire a maid. Problem solved. He can pay for maid service one way or another. Or, he can leave for good!!!
When you kick him out, don’t bring him back. . He won’t ever change.
Find the biggest hammer you can and smack the shot outta that game console while he’s playing it. Then open the door and see his way out! He is just another child added to your list of things to take care of . Don’t no one have time for this kinda of ish!! Be rid of it. And don’t be calling him to check on him when hes gone. That shows you who really cares here! It’s not him.
I am the wrong person to ask about video games and men. I fucking hate the video games. I wish they would all stop working and life would be a joy!!
Sounds like my now ex husband
Sounds like you are the one looking after 3 children…
he’s an arsewipe…
kick him to the curb!!
Tell him to leave & don’t let him back in…. One day he will realise what he has lost…
YOU got this Mumma.
You have the answer in your description. Be on your own cause He won’t change. Plain and simple
Girl please you already know what to do get rid of him the kids will be fine go find a new guy who will step up and be a father to your kids and help around the house. You shouldn’t even have to call him to talk to his child he should already be doing that. It’s 2022 kick that lazy ass the *uck out and move on he will never change no matter how many times he says he will and if he does it will only be for a little bit and he will be back to doing the same thing leave him start dating and live your best *ucking life with your kids you don’t even need advice you know what to do he ain’t shit next!!!
I agree with a lot of comments on here! Kick him out, you don’t need to raise 3 kids!! He will continue to act this way as long as you allow it!