Without a doubt dont have anymore kids with him. You need to decide if you want to keep dealing with him. You are already a single parent. Your choice is do you want 2 little ones, and one big selfish baby to. Rarely do men change no matter how many of his babies you have.
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I felt the se way after a 20 year marriage. Only one of us was trying. We still love each other but not as lovers. We hadn’t hugged or kissed in over a year. We are now divorced. If you are not trying make each other valued and feel needed and time invested and you have stopped encouraging each other…both ways, I’m sorry but your marriage won’t work and you will both be unhappy. Try everything before getting married!
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Hopefully you are keeping a clean neat home for all of you plus keeping yourself neat and clean and loving If you are then he’s got a problem and two of you should seek professional help if you want to continue with your living arrangement . It’s not a marriage.
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Time to leave. Do not let your children grow up thinking that being in a relationship where only 1 person is trying is a healthy relationship.
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….and this is BEFORE you’re married. You’ve gotten a taste of what life with him is and will be. If you’re ok with that, stay. If not, make plans to be a single parent but make sure you get child support.
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Been there and done that! I’d say get out now before you have lost your identity and self respect. You are obviously not happy now so imagine getting married when some men think they then own you.
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If you continue to put up with that behavior you are going to be in deep trouble. He wants you around ONLY when it suits him. Hate to say it girl but that is a BIG RED FLAG and it isn’t going to get any better. DON"T MAKE THE MISTAKE OF MARRYING HIM. He’s not an adult yet. Good Luck.
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It sounds like you guys need to go to counseling before you think about getting married if you’re engaged go see a counselor if that doesn’t work then end it and get on with life. Especially with one little one and another one on the way why put your children through that.
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I’m not going to be the only one to say this - you need to reconsider this relationship. Any time I hear a woman defending her significant other’s bad behavior a red flag starts to wave. You’re telling us that some days he’s great - but. It isn’t the days he’s great that you should be thinking of - it’s the “but” that counts. He sounds like a selfish jerk. You’re paying your “own” bills? This should be a partnership with two equally responsible adults. How does your mom like him? Or your dad? Rethink this. You have one child and soon you’ll have another. They deserve parents who have time for them. Does this guy have time for your current child? Can’t tell you what to do, but you asked for opinions. My opinion is you need to kick this guy to the curb. Good luck.
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Its hard when one spouse works and the other stays at home with the kids and does housework. U both have hard jobs and sometimes it takes a toll on the relationship. I’m sure pregnancy hormones are magnifying yalls problems in ur eyes but I wouldn’t leave him just yet. Every relationship has its highs and lows. A couple of ideas u can try… Tell him u want a date night twice a month. Get a sitter and yall go have dinner, movie, etc. If that doesn’t work plan a trip for just u! Go visit a friend or family member for the weekend and leave all kids with him. This may make him realize how much u do for the family and I bet he will miss u! When u get back sit down and talk about what happened. Hopefully things will work themselves out b4 u decide to leave
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If you’re capable of paying your own way…start giving him due dates for his half of the bills, rent/mortgage, groceries, household necessities, etc. You’re engaged not married (YET)…stop doing wifey things for a man who is not yet your husband. And considering his behavior…I would seriously rethink the marriage thing all together. Or at least postpone it. Pay attention now because what you’re dealing with is what you will be legally stuck with once you take your vows. Gotta train yourself to let your instincts and mind guide you over your heart. Your heart is a fool…your subconscious knows way before your heart can even process it.
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He needs to man up. Get off his butt help out with every thing show some support some love and start being a real man. If he refuses to help he can hit the road jack.
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I’m very sorry but it’s sounds like he’s already checked out. He doesn’t sound like he values or respect you at all. You’re his fiance and the mother to his kids. He should cherish you.
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There are a lot of posts on”Dearly Presents” where women describe their partners as “fiancé”. The relationship goes on for several years and even includes multiple children already. I’m sorry but that is not the definition of fiancé. Those dudes are baby-daddies or common law husbands. A fiancé is a man who asks you to get married, gives you a ring, and you plan a wedding. Depending on the size and elaborateness of the wedding, a fiancé becomes a husband in about a year. Let’s just call a spade a spade.
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The fact that he’s been your fiancé for 5 years without committing to marriage, even though you have two children speaks volumes. He’s just not that into you or his family. Pack it up and move on. Be sure to sue for child support.
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Do you want another 30 or 40 years of this same behavior? Because that is what you are going to get unless you kick him to the curb.
You don’t say if he contributes to th he household, you state you pay all your bills and groceries by yourself still. I am guessing that would be for your child as well.
This baby boy that you have living with you need to go. When he is gone you have your baby. Get a great job. Save up, buy a house. Get a female roommate. Enjoy life. IF a man comes into your life who deserves you and your children. Then date him. Don’t sleep with him. Don’t live with him. Date him. Learn about him. Meet his friends and family. Let him meet your friends and when the time is right, let him meet your children. Make sure he is a grownup.
I hope you heed the warnings we have given you here. He will not change. You cannot change him. Let him go back to mommy and Daddy where he belongs.
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Sounds like he needs to go back to his Mama’s house until he grows up and wants to be a part of real life.
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Life is to short to be treated badly.If my younger self knew this would have saved me alot of pain. Value yourself! You are so worth it !
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You truly already know the answer to your question. And when you openly listen to yourself you will find peace.
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Honey…sad to say…think it’s time after 5 years to move on…you will be better for it someday & especially if you learn not to depend on someone to help you & make you happy….you can do most things without a roommate…apparently you are already doing this…good luck!!
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You need to go out and do things when he gets home, he needs time with the 3 yrs old. Sonething is up sad to say 
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Get out. I did and the struggle was all worth it. I was a single mom of 3. 2 of the 3 in diapers when I knew I had to leave. I went to food banks and got help in other areas, you can do it. I am happily remarried to a wonderful man that helps out and loves my kids as his own. It’s not a fairytale. It is reality. I was stuck in the “but I love him” or " but he is the father of my children" if many generations of single moms before us can do it, and I can do it, you definitely can do it. You deserve to be loved and helped the way you need to be.
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You need to have your baby and send him away. He does not love you. Love does not behave like this. Boundaries. I know you are vulnerable at 9 months…but does your baby need to have this type of guy as a dad. Give him back the damn ring and take your power back. He is likely having an affair. He is not emotionally or financially invested in you and the kids. You cannot fix a narcissist. Look this up on web.
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It may be how he was raised to deal with stress and negative emotions. My husband was like that for a long time but I kept pushing the issue with him bc I felt the good in our situation outweighed the bad. He has made tremendous progress but honestly, it took years. My advice is if the good doesn’t outweigh the bad, not worth it. If the good does outweigh the bad, and you have the patience, it may be worth working with him on it. If you’re not a patient person, I’d end it bc this will drive you crazy.
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Don’t marry him when you have your baby move on and when you leave make him pay child support. for both kids, see how his world rocks then…He doesn’t deserve a nice girl like and those kids. he will be sorry one day. and for God’s sake don’t fell sorry for him in anyway…
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Get out while you can. I’ve delt with the same situation but for 10 years. Dont waste your life on someone who wont give you the time of day. There is someone out there that will want to spend every moment they can with you and treat you like you deserve. I hope you find your answers. But all I can say is I’ve wasted way more of my life then I should have and wish I would have gotten rid of my guy years ago. Good luck to you.
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25 years of this and nothing changed for me. Don’t get stuck.
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Time to walk away. If he isn’t willing to put time into the relationship then he has already left.
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if he is like this now before the wedding he isn’t going to change after. I know you love him, but love does mean being taken advantage of, you deserve better an So do your children.
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You have to teach people how to treat u,and that is the way u have taught him.You are still telling him it’s ok to treat you this way.
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Not in all these conversations have I heard I love him/ her. I don’t care how long you been together the minute he/she open the door there should be relief, joy, smiles,that you made it home to your man/woman and family. Gurl, go find your happiness because it’s not there.
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Don’t get too upset about it. A man gets very dull to life around him when he feels like he isn’t working towards a goal or like nothing is ever enough. My husband feels the same way right now. He doesn’t know how to feel or what would help. He just has to take things one day at a time. You have to admit when you’re making a mistake as well. Talk to him and see what is going wrong and how to fix it before he leaves. Leaving is a step towards him getting himself better but you will be left in place wondering how it all went wrong.
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Therapy doesn’t work! He is not in love with you. Sorry but that’s the cold, hard truth. Move out or he move out. Get on with your life you don’t need the stress and worry. Take care of yourself and your children move on with your life. No man is worth the time and effort if they’re not willing to give back. He sounds very selfish and cruel.
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I’m sorry but u need help. Like professional help. I realize there’s usually a money shortage where it will cost money to get help but this sounds like u have no choice. Sounds like maybe baby # 2 should have been put on hold. This guy thinks he has u locked in bc ur pregnant and not working. Can u seek help from family? Woman’s shelter? Bc even tho no physical abuse there is definitely emotional abuse. Good luck. Take ur power back
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Set up a chore list and a mandatory date night. If he refuses then he is a loser. Sorry. The world is full of them
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It sounds like he is overwhelmed and may be suffering from depression and anxiety. Men typically distract and drown out their issues. They aren’t taught to express emotion or communicate their stress. As women we want to process we writing. He may not have the capacity to sirens time with you as his team is empty from dealing with the world
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Set boundaries! Ask for a date night every other week. An evening when just you go out with friends. A family day on the weekends. If he doesn’t want to, or he won’t give something in return, get out he’s already checked out.
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sounds like he needs time after work to transition from work and video games is the thing that helps that. I would first try setting some reasonable expectations. once a week you have date night. He joins the family at 6:00pm, both play with his 3 year old for an hour. help him see that you want to build strong family values together for you kids. help him see its a partnership. ask him what he considers important for family. if he still doesn’t seem interested in you or the kids, then its likely time for counciling. If he is always on his phone, ask with who? Try to plan some activies to do as a family. Good luck! if all else fails, remeber that you are not stuck in a situation that is not good for you or your kids. there is always other options.
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Bye bye fiance. You have been doing most everything as a single parent so if he does not need you then what do you need him for? Ask yourself if you want to spend your life living with someone but still feel alone. Being together should not be like that. Especially with children. Kids look at us and see this think it’s ok. Would you want your babies to grow up and be unhappy with someone? Both parents are responsible for kids. One should not have to do it all. Playing video games all day? Sounds like you have an additional kid to raise. Set him free. He will maybe be more responsible after he is gone and no other choice. Your life live it the way you want. Find your happiness.
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It sounds like you have two kids and one on the way. Time for him to grow up, man up and get his collective shit together. He needs to be involved in every aspect of family living. He should be spending time with his child, with household chores, and especially with you. The time for plying video games is over. Schools out, no more recess.
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If he hasn’t made a commitment in 5 years he probably doesn’t plan to and you need to free yourself from him
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Wow. I feel so bad. You deserve a good happy life. Don’t just stay together bc of the children. Or maybe separate for a bit till he gets his act together. Praying for you sister
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Oh my. There are so many red flags. No commitment, no equity, no effort, no consideration. If you sincerely want change, you have to do it. Draw the line. Otherwise, you’ll grow to hate him and yourself. You deserve better, either from him or someone else. Do you want your children to emulate his behavior? If not, it’s time for change. You may suffer awhile but things will be better. Ask me how I know.
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Get out now, glad there is no marriage, it would be so expensive if you were married. You can do way better for you and your kids.
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I was told A lazy husband makes a nagging wife.
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Easy… have the baby, go back to work, then kick him out. Find someone that treats you right.
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okay hun, i want you to listen up. he’s your fiance now. and you feel like a roomate more than a couple. if you get all romantic or caught up in the wedding thing and marry this man, i guarantee you, it might be great for a little bit…but overall, he won’t change. and you won’t be happy. i hate to say it, but if he won’t even listen to you now, then you may as well not be there.
Fiance? After 2 children!!! Hmm, get out, do not under any circumstances get married to this man, when someone shows you who they are, believe them!!! You love him, but his love for you is just lip service, he does not value you, you need to know you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God, and you deserve someone that will hear your heart, this is a boy, and a poor example for your children to follow. Don’t waste any more time, time is the most valuable thing you have in this world.
Personally I feel when you communicated how you felt with him he should have some kind of reaction and not just that “you’re nagging” “leave me alone” kind of reaction!
I feel this most days too, my husband and I are super busy and just had our second baby 2 months ago so it’s been so stressful and difficult, he just went back to work and I’m staying home with 2 kids.
Every time I tell him I don’t feel like I’m getting enough help and feel like a single mother, we sit down and talk and he apologizes, but explains his part and how he feels tired from work, but when he rests he will do laundry and dishes, etc and we always both compromise. It doesn’t have to be all kisses and lovey dovey but there definitely should be respect in a relationship.
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- Don’t make him wrong
- Don’t tell him what to do
- Love him (Love to a man is unconditional acceptance—love to a woman is being taken care of)
If this doesn’t change things, move on with your life (you can’t leave since you have kids but you can take your focus off of him and find support elsewhere).
He sounds like he needs to grow up. Your not his momma and he should be taking care of you and kids. What does he do with the money he makes.
I am sorry but if he can’t be a good dad and lover to you and you pay all the bills I would ask him to leave until he can be in a relationship not a roommate that just lives off you. Good luck. You deserve better, so much better.
Stop doing for him wait till baby is born for a few months might be hormones making you sensitive but then if you feel the same gove him a choose change or one of us is gone stick to it
She has an “Adult child”. He is not readyvfor commitment. If she already pays her own bill, Let. Him. Go. I hear her saying “She loves him” but Nothing about “he loves her”.
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well after reading this sorry might be hard to hear but sometimes the truth is hard you say BOOM back to square one …My words for you darling respect yourself and your kiddies and to BOOM the fuck out of there groundhog day doesnt need to be lived it can be stopped .If he really cares he’d sort his shit out .BOOM BE GONE DARLING <3
You doing as his wife alone gets him upset ,it is better you make plans for your self and do your thing ,for you to be pregnant for you second child and he has not talked about getting married to you like going to pay your bride price pls I will advice you give him chance if he loves you that much he will look out for you and do the right thing but for now you are so annoying to the guy so give your self value thanks
He has issues. Please try to analyze your relationship with a professional or a really good friend. He doesn’t seem like the type of guy you want to spend the rest of your life with.
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It doesn’t work when one is trying to keep the family together. I tried it!! He wasted 30 years of my life, he was a grown boy, NOT a man!!!
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Get out of that relationship. He just wants you as a maid.he needs to help you with house work .if he doesn’t why do you need another person to take care of .find someone that loves you and respects you
Couples therapy. And if that does not work. Walk away. Share your kids and move on with your life. You deserve happiness for you and your kids. Relationships should not be hard. But you both have to work at it. I have to ask, what changed? Are you just now seeing his true colors. Did the burden of responsibility get to him and he can’t hack it or doesn’t want to. Are you going to waste your life with being just ok? I do send you serenity, strength, and wisdom. Good luck and God bless.
I had a second thought to share with this young mother. I had to decide to ‘take my heart back’ for my own and my children’s well-being. That ‘I still love him…stuff is an emotion we women use and it keeps us stuck in toxic relationships. I would like you to love your children and yourself first. Choose to take your heart back. Make a conscious choice for your own health. He is only stomping and breaking your heart, so take it back before it is shattered beyond repair, Sweetheart. You are 
loved by your Creator more than you realize. This ‘fiancé dude’ is damaging you and you are teaching your three year old that it is ok to be like a jerk. Not a good example
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One thing that seems to work… Make yourself happy. At nine months I know that’s a hard thing to do, but again the pregnancy is almost over. At that point it’s time to start living for yourself. Do things that make you happy without him. Visit friends with young ones, get into something that makes you happy. He will get on board and notice are not. If not you will have your answer… I wish you the best of luck, you can’t change a man they have to want to change
Be sure to sign up for WIC and other assistance to be sure you and the children are ok. Put $ aside as best you can to take care of the kids. Focus on your new bundle of joy and once healed and in a routine try to do a date night, talk again and if he still isn’t interested, it’s time to plan your life. Best wishes
What exactly do you love about him? You didn’t mention anything , not even something likable. He doesn’t even seem like a good dad, and he treats you poorly. Why are you holding on? You deserve better.
I can’t understand why anyone would have a child /pregnant when he’s only a Fiance n not bothered to help out …obviously it’s just the “have someone by yr side” n honeymoon period is over n worst you don’t have a job n when u say anything, he’ll say DON’T NAG. .looking like troubles are brewing already n u will feel u are on your own, scarier if end up he decides to leave u saying I LOVE U BUT I CAN’T, I JUST CAN’T …let’s hope this will last n u will be married eventually n not taken for a ride to do everything for him/kids /the house chore /taken care of his needs in bed…sigh
That has happened to me before, and it was my husband. He was not committed anymore and soon began straying away with other women. Sorry
tell him you got 1 child not 2 and one one the way he is treating you like a mother figure tell him to grow up or ship out you are paying for everthing anyway would it be different if he was not there
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It sounds like if he doesn’t want to spend time with you that he might be wishing that he was elsewhere. You do the parenting 24/7. You are the housekeeping. You have to foot your own bills and God knows what else that might not have been mentioned. Then when he gets home he escapes into video games. Does he spend anytime with the 3 year old at all? If the answer is no, then it’s most probable that you hooked up with a man-child. Parenting is a 168 hour a week job. If he puts nothing into his child besides ignoring you, strongly consider ditching him. You may love him madly, but that must be a 2 way street. Love is shown by actions, not words alone.
The question is, which is more accurate:
- I have a loving & supportive partner and father to my children who isn’t perfect
OR - I have a disengaged, non-supportive partner & father to my children… who every now & then does something to make you think things are going to change
relationships go up & down, but if you are the one who primarily does the giving it isn’t a healthy relationship
and, being 9 months pregnant, he should be stepping just because of that
Also, when you sleep with a person for more then a year. If all they call you is " fiance " well that means you are replaceable.
I left my ex after five years being together because we fell out of love and tried to make it work for three more years. Sometimes you’re just not compatible. If you’re not the light of his life and being treated that way, you deserve better. Not that it would be easy to leave with the children situation. But if you can find a way with a different support system I would. It doesn’t sound like it will be a happy marriage. Especially if you’ve already tried to work things out.
People can only treat you how you want to be treated, so do not allow this kind of behavior from him. Walk away
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Don’t waste anymore time… 5 years is long enough to see his true nature and that behavior shows he doesn’t care about you. I watched my parents and their second marriages disintegration. Both of them have been married to their respective spouses now for 30+years. Don’t stay for the kids, create a loving nurturing environment for them. Even if you do it as a single parent.
Same thing I dealt with except mine was controlling and abusive. Get out. That is not a good parent to have around kids. I ended up having him arrested and I was able to move on with my life.
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The only time you can change a man is if he’s wearing diapers. Either you can live with the way he is or you can’t. Your decision. If the answer is no you can start making plans to leave now so when you are financially and pesonally able you can leave knowing you gave it your best shot. A miserable marriage (or engagement) is NOT worth it and it will be better I promise.
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Change needs to happen now or it will escalate and get worse!!! No more sex at all until things change!! You are not just a sex machine and baby maker!! He needs to go if he refuses to change!! You deserve to be happy 
!!!
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Nothing is a bed of roses all the time. Find another outlet for yourself.
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There are two sides to every story. Are you contributing to household expenses. If not the house should be spotless and he should relax cause he is bringing home the bacon.
You are roommates, if he doesn’t want to be a partner find someone who will. Your not nagging. Stop communicating with him or doing things for him and see how he reacts. If he does tell him he is nagging at you. Give him the same treatment
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Hate to say it but he needs to hit the door. He needs to grow up and may not ever. You and your kids deserve more.
You’ve talked about it, he gets upset and sees it as nagging. Clearly he doesn’t want you around, you’re doing a lot already and you will be a great parent without him.
Time to get rid of him games and phone are more important to him than family. Find someone that cares about you and wants a family
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What makes you happy? That’s it…if you do walk out make sure you contact this group so u can a GoFundMe page ok. We all are very supportive on your decision…you dnt have to rely on a man that’s not mature enough… you go us and some surrounding groups… you need to be happy again that’s not healthy…the reason why I I know this is because i just got a relationship like that and it’s not good at all… your damaging yourself by thinking about it and not you mama… you will get fine help out of that situation… hes depressed and stuck… I understand you love him so deeply its unbearable that it hurts… but truly your hurting yourself in the process of trying to connect with him… your pregnant and you have a baby on the hip girl 
please you can do bad all by yourself without the extra luggage… We are here for you and them babies no matter what… you deserve better hes immature… We all love you just hit this page up before you tell him your decision ok…
I agree with a bunch of what has already been said. These behaviors are truly BIG red flags. When a person loves someone (as you do him) they tend to look past them and think it’s ok or I’ll just give it a little longer.
This person has not learned responsibility and “thinks” you are only there to take care of HIS needs.
Don’t let your kiddo see this and grow up thinking it’s ok or that’s the way it’s “supposed” to be. Believe you me I speak from experience. I’m STILL trying to reteach my kiddos that they need responsibility in their lives and that the world won’t just hand everything to them or everything won’t be done for them.
Doesn’t sound like a good relationship, you are the only one really trying and he could care less about you. I think you should really think hard about your situation if you really want to live this way since you are paying everything yourself shows you can do it on your own. Doesn’t sound like he is wanting to be in your guys living arrangement. Or that he wants to be a father. Time to help yourself to a life without him.
Sometimes if you don’t walk out of that relationship you can never know your value
Been together for 5 years have one child and about to have another and not married yet he’s not going to marry you why should he you pay the bills and buy the food cook the food wash the clothes and I believe he has another woman and he spends his time and money on read the writing on the wall honey
If it were me I’d leave him to be in your position for at least 2 days so he sees just how much you do & if that don’t work leave him, your doing it all alone anyways but if you not in relationship with him you will be happier x
Sounds like my EX-husband! He told me I changed MY last name, HE didn’t change HIS! 10 years and three kids later, I got a divorce! He’s been married four times since…I never remarried! By the way, his 2nd wife was my younger sister and she was the one he was having an affair with while we were married!
If you are still supporting yourself without working then either you are very good with your money (kudos!) or on welfare which in that case we are paying your bills… none the less…nothing is going to change…if u are supporting yourself…do it elsewhere without him. And yes…child support!!! Only you can control how you LET people treat you and make you feel…good luck to you doll! I hope things work out for the best!
My husband left me when I was pregnant. Said I was crazy. He came back after the baby was born. That was almost 30 years ago. Were still together and I’m still pissed about it
Dump him now! Do not marry him! He’s showing you a preview of what marriage with him will be like. You and your children will be better off without him! Best of luck to you!
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Sounds to me like your dear fiancé is actually telling you in probably the only way he knows how is that he doesn’t want the relationship anymore. He’s either seeing someone else or thinking about it!!! Face the obvious, it’s probably over!! Get some satisfaction and dump him before he dumps you!!
First off- how does one end up a 5 year fiancée and 2 children? He hasn’t committed from the start. If he were wanting to be married then it would have been prior to the children. He is addicted to the gaming like many these days. But a man still takes care of business before playing. You, the children & home life should be considered part of his responsibilities before play time.
I think you should schedule a meeting with him for a major conversation. Have a sitter for your child. Plan this for away from your house. (Park or a restaurant that you can talk uninterrupted.) Then start out laying everything out in front of him. Stating how you feel & ask him how he feels & does he want to work towards fixing this issues. His answer will determine your next move. There needs to be a plan of action going forward either way. If he blows up…let him know that he will be dealing with the state regarding his child support & your plan moving forward for your family without him. Praying for you 
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Why are you with him and you have a second on the way. Get out, get some help and hopefully get some self esteem.
I’d take some time away by myself for a couple of days or a week. To think about this situation and to be brutally honest with yourself. While he gets the opportunity to see what his empty life will be like.
How do you pay your bills and food if your not working? My guess is he eats your food too. I think he is using you up. Good luck.
Your his mom. Grow up and grow a pair. He’s using you to keep his house and sex. You deserve moor.
This man has not growed up yet. He has the mind of a small child.
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Doesn’t even sound like a good roommate. Sweetie, I hate to tell you this, but it just gets worse. He’s always going to have an excuse. Life is too short to be unhappy.
He’s immature it sounds like…… unfortunately you either hold on and give him time to mature without trying to get him there by pushing things …… or if you are too frustrated/ beyond this waiting game you will seek employment and a reliable sitter(I had my mother) and go to work and start doing life and enjoying it and if he doesn’t see what’s happening, I’m sure you won’t stick around…. Or someone else will notice you and start showing you the attention and care that you and your baby deserve…… because it’s obvious that you want a family unit situation to raise your child in…. You will know when the time is right to do what’s right for yourself and your baby