He should not be taking out his upset on your child. He needs to cop on to himself or he will lose you both and have nothing.
I hope he gets counselling and sorts himself out.
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First of all,you dont need children in order to be a family. Second of all, your daughter already has a father so you have to look at it from that perspective. He’s a great step dad figure but he isnt her father. Being told you cant have kids is NOT easy to deal with, especially when its something you wanted. I suggest joining an ivf group on here to get the perspective (there is both male and female factors) you can always adopt or, you guys can get donor sperm as an alternative.
Talk to him the way you “talked” to us. He should be the one you take this to and you and him communicate about it and how it has apparently changed the relationship. Be gentle but sincere.
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Men have feelings to and he might be going throught it right now its proably hard knowing he cant have a kid that 100% his and he can fully be like that his child it’s not that he does not love your daughter anymore or less he proably just wants to be able to say at the end of the day to a child your mine
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I mean I understand your concerns and why you are upset. You definitely don’t want your daughter feeling that so I understand. But for someone who wants nothing more than to have children and can’t takes a blow. I’m sure he doesn’t think you daughter isn’t good enough, it’s just he wanted to also have a child and I’m sure to the process of you carrying child being born and steps he didn’t get with an infant. It’s a very hard blow and it’s going to take some time I’m sure. I’d sit and talked to me. Let him know you understand how devastating this can be and that your there for him. Tell him your concerns with your daughter. And how you feel she stands now because of his news. I have three beautiful children and two miscarriages. My third one as a traumatic situation but she’s thriving now. But I got ovarian cancer and got a total radical hysterectomy at the end of June. Me having anymore is out of the question and I’m not handling it well so I understand how he feels.
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He’s hurting. Have you gotten a second opinion?
Maybe after some time you can ask him about alternative methods such as adoption, etc. maybe he will be open to it?
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Give him time to think and sort his feelings out. He would be upset and angry and he would be thinking he’s not a man now. He needs to think and accept things. Give him time,space and let him know he will always be important to you and your child and it doesn’t matter if he can’t have kids
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If he really loves you two he will stay & Find a way too make it Work.
He’s definitely hurting, he may settle down with support and counseling. Also, suggest to him about using a donor via ivf
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I think give him time and try to understand his situation.he is at a point where he has everything lined up for marriage and kids now one can’t happen.did the doctor dismiss any treatments? Or is he completely done. U can always try ivf and sperm donor.tech is so advanced now nothing is impossible. Do your research something might work
I would do a family theraphy… all 3 of you since all of you are suffering from this… I’m very sorry to hear this, by any chance did you try and seek a 2nd opinion?? Some doctors are too lazy to even do their job right… I’m telling you this because my husband had a problem with his finger, he couldn’t move it, went to a specialist and that guy told him he will never be able to use that finger again…we seek a 2nd opinion ,did x-rays and the 2ns specialist showed him his x-rays and everything they could do to fix it… it’s a long shot but maybe seeking a second opinion will be best…
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Give him time. I’m sure it was a shock and he is sad. But not just sad, he is grieving what he thought life would be. It will take him time to move on.
Also #infertilitysucks !!! As someone who was told multiple times that I would never have kids I always encourage people to get a second opinion. I was told multiple times I couldn’t and my daughter is now 5. It just took the right doctor!
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You gotta give him time. I’m sure that was a huuuge blow to him in SO many ways. He’s basically grieving. Ugh my heart breaks for him, for both of you
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I feel for him. Infertility sucks!!! Be supportive and don’t dismiss his feelings, they’re valid-even if it hurts you. Just understand he’s in tremendous pain and possibly grief stricken.
But there are other ways to becoming a parent. He already is one to begin with.
Donor sperm/IVF and/or adoption are all worthy options.
We are in the 21st century, there are sperm increase and sperm motility supplements at your local pharmacy. So many positive pregnancies from men infertility issues. Don’t worry. Also IVF procedures are another great option.
Give him some time to process. He may need a professional to talk to as well if he can’t get out of his sadness 
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Give him time to grieve. Then express all options.
He may feel inadequate, insecure for a while yet.
Explain to him you are ALL family, blood doesnt make family 
does!
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I get its heart breaking and hard for him right now, but I’d give it some time and discuss options. I mean just because his sperm aren’t working doesn’t mean he can never be a dad. There are plenty of options. You could adopt a baby that needs a loving home. You could even consider going to a sperm bank and having a sperm donor. Your partner will be there during insemination, he will be there for the entire pregnancy, there at the birth, and on the birth certificate. Sperm doesn’t make a dad, being there, loving, providing and caring does!
I think he just needs time to process this news.
It would be hard to find out that information. I would be broken…
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You share custody so he knows your daughter isn’t his and altho he’s been great with her she clearly spends time with her bio dad and I bet doesn’t even call him dad or anything
He must be hurting and I think you’re being self centred right now. He’s grieving for something he assumed he would have one day and that takes time to come to terms with
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Don’t ever sell your self short he is there he loves you and remember that when you think such things…some people think bad things when they feel bad for someone they love but just remind him of what y’all have together and that he will always be a dad to ur daughter she just have to fathers ant nothing wrong with positive love in a child’s life😇
Get s second opinion, see a urologist not just your PCP. Good luck! Be open and honest!
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Could always adopt 
plenty of kids out their needing beautiful mummies and daddies to rescue them 
, i was told at 25 there was a 96 percent chance i could never have kids - i gave birth to my daughter 18months ago, second opinions are always good also but adopting is what i would of done if that didnt happen
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I think he’s feeling inadequate. There are ways for him to have his own child. Venture out and research more options.
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I think he needs time to process everything it is such a shock for him. Try listening to him and how he feels. He obviously cares for you and your daughter a lot as he has proven that in the past those feelings don’t just stop
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Therapy to work this out. Other ways of having children? It’s a blow. Maybe give him a little time first.
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He needs counseling to help accept his condition.
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He needs time.
Just like Women who can’t have children, this has to hurt him so deeply 
Talking about adoption, IVF, fostering … Can be a topic down the track.
For now though support him & ask if talking to someone might help him as he processes this loss.
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He needs THERAPY & TIME to adjust his mindset
Is it Possible to get a second opinion on him being sterile?
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He needs time to process all this news also let him know how your feeling… I have a friend that was told he couldn’t have kids and he ended up having a daughter he didn’t believe she was his so he did DNA and she was his… I’m hoping you guys get a miracle like this and he at least gets that one child like my friend did
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Adopt a newborn there are so many children that need loving parents and he will feel the love the first time he holds this newborn and looks into their eyes
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That’s a hard blow to take when you just assumed you could have kids. He may need some counseling to come to terms with that. But you both need to have a talk about future expectations and stuff bc him throwing those phrases around your daughter and with her being so young can be mentally damaging to her. You don’t have to be blood to be family and if he can’t keep excepting her as his own just bc he found out he can’t have his own then he needs to go on down the road and find someone else bc that’s not fair to either you nor her.
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Adoption is a wonderful option. Even overseas adoptions are sometimes cheaper than surrogates who back out the last minute and you have shelled out all that money. Good luck to you both. An adopted child becomes your own in your heart within the first few seconds. 
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They say that… Then all of a sudden ur pregnant
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Does he have a brother or cousin that could donate sperm so he can have a blood related child of his own?
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Communication tell him that you are there for him no matter what and tell him how its making things seem tense y’all gotta talk to each other to get thru this
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Maybe he’s still processing it.
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Y’all are enough! You always will be! Get out of your feelings. Drs don’t know everything. That’s why I’d say give it to God!!!
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If there is a will there is a way girl. Check her FB page out!
Krystal alkaline doula… she does lives and you can ask her questions, she answers & knows her stuff! She’s gifted no doubt she has products she makes for you and him. Good luck to you guys!
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I was told I’d never have kids or carry full trim but I have 4 hopefully it works out and u guys will ha e a baby get a second 3ed 4th opinions if its meet to happen it will in time or like everyone has said there’s other ways to have a baby time will tell best of luck to u all
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Go to different drs and get different opinions. Keep trying. Tell him how he is making you feel and if this is something he cant get past or wrap his head around at the moment especially if hes found out recently then suggest he see a counsellor. Hopefully this will pass because it is a very recent hurt and will take time. Seems he doesnt know how to handle it and these comments are his way of showing his emotions but its not healthy and he needs a better way to cope, so do you.
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don’t lose hope
You may not be able to conceive naturally. But I also think there still that chance. If he maybe changes some habits.
Also. If you have the money. There is fertility clinics. And even if they can harvest just one. The you can make an embryo… That’s if you want biological. And there’s even cyrobanks. You could pick a donor that looks like him. And take that option. Or adopt. He can still have his own with you. If he’s really wanting the experience from conception to birth… I never thought I’d ever have the children I have.
I have biological children yes. I didn’t give up finding away to get pregnant.
But I’ve also loved children that weren’t biologically mine.
I’m sure it’s a blow to his masculinity. Totally understandable to feel that way.
But where there’s a will. Theres a way. Hopefully he considers the fact there is other options. Good luck… and hope things work out
Give him time and be more understanding just like a woman when she can’t have kids will react in a certain way to deal with the news , support him Nd assure him you won’t judge or leave him Nd that you can try anything just to make his dream come thru . But pls remember not be able to conceive is difficult on any human being
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As Wonderful as everyone’s suggestions of how they can have their own family is…
Now is not the time for that.
You need to make sure that your daughter doesn’t feel shunned. And give him space to process the information.
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This is a hard thing to prosses and come to turms with and there may be other options for him if he really wants to feel like he is a real dad you guys could look into sperm donations possibly from a family member of his it would not be cheap but it could be something you can look into adopting your own maybe talk to him about these things so no there’s other ways to be parents and just give him time and space
He can put all that love in to his step children and accept them as his children. Coparenting is best for the children.
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A DR isn’t always right,keep trying use Google methods to have a baby,talk and tell him it’s not the end he has u and your daughter as his own and he shouldn’t give up,there are many ways,check your ovulation dates too…have plenty of romantic times don’t let him stress and pray
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We had the same problem. We have been married 60 years and have been blessed with 10 adopted children that we love very much. They have also blessed us with many grandkids that fill our hearts with joy. Don’t give up. The Lord can bless your lives too.
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Don’t make it about you. You said it yourself he’s always wanted to have kids just support him at this time and let him grieve, learn to except it and processes it in his own
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If you feel that way or if he feels that it won’t be enough, it won’t make a difference with future gfs either of not feeling like it’s enough. It’s a hard thing for someone who’s always wanted kids to hear so this is his way of grieving it and he’ll come off as insensitive towards both of you at the moment which he doesn’t mean to but he’ll wake up from that fog and open up again. Just give him time girl.
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I kind of think you are over sensitive at the moment and making this about you when its very much about him. He needs time, support and counselling to come to terms with his devastation, this is grief as his dreams and ideas of what his future was going to be like have shattered.
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Img that would be heartbreaking let him grieve
My fiancé’s Dr said the same thing. We have a beautiful 1 year old now. Don’t be to easy to give up trying. Also if you think he’s withholding love and attention from your daughter I’d talk to him in a private space about it. Just you and him.
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You should have a conversation with him about it. Therapy is an option too.
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He’s grieving the loss of a child he wanted. Let him grieve. Give it time.
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He may not be able to have kids but God blessed him with a woman and a kid . He will come around . He loves you . Just remind him , it’s not about the kids . It’s about the grandkids 
good luck ! I’ll keep you in my prayers .
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Having children does not mean you physically had them, being a mother or father is not about who carried who. It’s about the love and devotion you put into your family. If he doesn’t understand that than he isn’t the man for you
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Sounds like he’s depressed and may need to see a councilor to work things out.
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Adoption is always there.
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I’m so sorry this is going on! I’m trying to look at this from both perspectives, as I have a son and am not with his bio. father.
I honestly think your fiancé is just in a lot of pain and is not purposely trying to exclude your daughter from “being his”. The HARD TRUTH is that she is not biologically his. That DOES NOT mean he loves her any less. I am sure he loves her JUST AS MUCH as he would have loved a child that’s biologically his.
But as a mother I can 100% say with certainty that there is a difference with having a child myself and having a bonus child. It does not mean I would love my step child any less, it’s just that your fiancé wants to have a child that is part of him.
Being a step parent can be very hard to maneuver emotionally for both the step parent and child. I’m sure your fiancé DOESNT mean anything bad by it. He has always dreamed of having a family, of going through a pregnancy with a woman carrying his child and experiencing raising his own child. That doesn’t take away from being in your daughter’s life.
I would genuinely sit down and have a heart to heart conversation with him, WITHOUT making it feel like you are attacking him. He is in a very emotionally painful situation right now. His feelings are 100% valid.
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Father is the one who raises a child, not the one who made the child… The latest bit is the easier… He is raising your daughter with you and that is the hard bit and the one which really counts. He only needs to see this. It Takes time as he is in a lot of pain, probably feeling frustrated and that the situation isn’t fair…be patient and praise how good he is with you and your daughter everyday letting him feel valued and appreciated as a father and husband…
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What has happened is not about you or your daughter. Your fiancé is dealing with a very difficult discover. The dreams he had, have been shattered. He needs to work through this and a counselor/therapist would be helpful. Or perhaps he may have a clergy person he can turn to. You need to be patient and remember that he will work it out and not take it personally. It is defiantly a time to use your faith. 
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He has to work through this bad news. Maybe therapy? Sometimes relationships cannot survive when a tragedy happens.
Anyway, he needs time to figure out what this means for him. There are other options out there like fostering, adoption or you getting pregnant with donor sperm. It all depends whether he wants kids, experience pregnancy of partner or he just wanted biological children.
Also, remember that there is the possibility of getting a second medical opinion. My husband had had vasectomy done and they biopsied immature sperm from the testes. Those tadpoles did not move at all and the doctor was saying fertility treatments might not be enough to get me pregnant. However, they took those immobile tadpoles and fertilized my eggs in the lab and six of them became embryos and one of them became our son who soon turns 8 yo.
I think maybe with more patience and give him more time to let this news sink in…put yourself in his place, you have a daughter…what if you had not been able to have a child yourself. If you had been told you could not conceive. This is devastating news to a person that loves children and would like their own. Now his hope of a biological child is gone. If he loves your daughter things will probably be fine but give him a break. If you guys stay together he will love you both.
Give him time to realise that although he can’t be a biological father he an still be a Dad…as a women who can not have children I understand the pain, frustration and how unfair it feels HOWEVER I do also appreciate that I still get a opportunity at being a step mum to 2 incredible step daughters. It is a wonderful feeling to be there, to help guide and live these children. They have a wonderful mother and a great dad and also the added benefit of having a step mother that adores them. It is also a incredible feeling to have step children that love and appreciate you. It takes work and understanding but worth it. He also has the opportunity to be a great dad IF that really is what he wants regardless of being biological or not.
Keep trying God may intervine it has happened and maybe go to another fertility clinic to see more options.
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You don’t have to give birth to be a Dad or share Love, nothing to loose by talking about options, choices
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I think it’s just the shock and pain right now.
My husband was told before him and I got together that he would never have children. So he had come to terms with that before we met.
I have a son from a previous relationship, He was so happy to just have a child in his life and that was enough for him.
Knowing his chances were next to 0. We talked about medical intervention, And were told you would have to actively try for a year before we could go that route.
I ended up getting pregnant in the first few months, and we now have 9 year old twins.
I’m sure you all are enough for him.
What he’s going through has to be tough, Give him time to come to terms with what’s happening.
You need to understand how hes feeling. He was planning on having a family with you and that just got taken away from him… hes not tryinf to push you away. But hes also trying to figure it out. Hes got to be absolutely crushed… just hang in there. Yall will get over this mountain.
He is grieving for what he has lost and that will take time, I’m sure he is just heartbroken, try talking to him and explain to him how you feel but more importantly talk to him about how he is feeling, counciling may help
God is the only one that has the say.
Anyone know if they can do something at a fertility clinic like they do for women to help them Conceive ? Ideas maybe if it would be possible just an idea.
How about just give him some time. That would be a hard thing to deal with. Best wishes
Get him counseling immediately!!
Try to remember their your feelings not his. About feeling not good enough. Unless he says so try not to let unhelpful thoughts get to you. You already are a family and have been for three years. All the best
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My fiancé found out he cannot have kids and now I feel like my daughter and I are not enough for him: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
I’m sure this has everything to do with him mourning the idea of having a family of his own. A child that he created.
Let him be sad and mourn that loss. Just be there to remind him that blood isn’t everything.
My dad isn’t my biological dad. This man who helped raise me has been my rock, my friend, my biggest supporter. He is without a doubt my father. That’s how your little girl
Will feel too. Remind him that love comes to people different. As do children.
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As someone who has been told the same words…give him some slack and a break.
He’s dealing with a lot right now, it’s a devastating reality.
Are you open to adoption? Maybe that could be a conversation at some point. Therapy is also a great outlet.
I personally feel a person, man or woman must go through the grieving process before perusing adoption because it’s not backup plan.
We have adopted two children and it’s not easy, in fact there were parts that were much harder than the reality of no biological children…but it’s 100% worth it.
Just give him time, space, and most of all support.
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Its especially hard when bio daddy is in the picture because then the other kid can never feel wholly yours she will always call another man daddy. But as some have said fertility clinics are an option or even adoption. A child that might not be his but he gets to raise as his own and not have to share with another man might satisfy his want to be a father as well.
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Put yourself in his shoes. Imagine he already had a child and you found out you couldn’t have children. How would you feel? Empathize with him and give him some time. Stop making it so much about you. Let him mourn not being able to have his own biological children. It’s a big deal. I would be heart broken.
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It’s a lot to deal with, give him some space and time. He needs time to mourn. I would be the same if I was in his place. Later on, maybe adoption might be an option?
Let him process this news. Give him time and space. However, there are other ways to have a baby like seeing a fertility specialist. If he has a low sperm count, they can harvest eggs from you and fertilize the egg with his swimmers. Also artificial insemination is possible even if he has a lower count. Yes I get it takes money to do that but it still offers the chance of him being a bio dad. There also second opinions too. There are options, just don’t settle for one answer.
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I’m sorry to hear your family is going through this it’s a tough road, have you guys considered adoption or fostering? Or has he tried any fertility treatments? I know it seems bleak right now but you never know what could happen. Try reminding him that no matter what he has you and her and he’s been in her life pretty much since she can remember he’s helping you raise her and she doesn’t love him any less than a bio kid would. I don’t think a sperm donor would be a good option in this case simply because it really still wouldn’t be his child and I feel like he might feel some kinda way about that later. Adoption might be a good road though, or I guess if he’s ok with the idea of a sperm donor, you guys could see if a family member of his would do it then the child would still have his genes. Just a thought
Recommend therapy maybe it might help him cope with it. It is like when a woman has to have a full histerectomy and can’t have kids they go through a depression and this happened to me at 28 i had to make peace with it and went to therapy and it helped me alot. Talk to him about how you feel and make sure he knows you love and support him no matter what. My husband stood by me and still does.
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You could use a sperm donor??? If that is an option. I know it isn’t the same, but he’d be able to go through a pregnancy with you and be there for the birth and sign the certificate and all. Maybe bring that idea up.
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To learn that is painful it’s a dream dying, it’s basically like losing a child. We seem to be more understanding when it happens to women. Most of all don’t take it personally, it is not you by any means no matter how it pans out… good luck
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This is not about you. Give him a minute to get used to the idea that bio kids are not in his future.
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Sorry your family is going though this. And I wish y’all the best of luck! Along with all the other comments. I myself do not put a lot of faith in doctors and what they know. Pray, and keep praying. Doctors don’t have the power to give anybody a baby! Only God has that final decision. It’s happened before with couples who couldn’t get pregnant for years. And all of a sudden bam there’s a baby. Not by the hands of the doctor or doctors! God has the final say so! Miracles do happen, so I’m going to start praying for a miracle for your family to be complete! And I’m praying one day that miracle happens. And God blesses y’all with a beautiful baby of y’all own! Good luck lovey’s!
He needs time to get his head around the situation this post makes it look like it’s all about you and not him how would you feel if it was you that couldn’t have a child and he could I think it’s so wrong you have put on a Facebook group tbh
Just give it time hun. I have an almost 2 year old i got with my boyfriend shortly after she turned 1 and he has been told for years now that he couldnt have kids and at first it hurt him but as time passed he learned to accept it and find joy in being a part of our lives and miracles can happen we are now 5 months pregnant. My advice is just give him some time and space he is grieving but he isnt trying to treat you guys differently he is just processing and hasnt gone through all the steps of grief yet
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Keep trying! Dont give up!!! I know a guy who was told the same thing and it took years but him and his wife finally got pregnant!!!
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I think you should let hom process the grief. He will accept it, but it takes a bit. I wouldn’t take it personal or try not to. He might be angry with himself.
I understand his pain, I got told because of a genetic mutation I wouldn’t be able to have kids…. I proved drs wrong and was able to carry three full term babies. But, there is more than one way to be a parent. Would y’all be open to adoption? Maybe ivf with doner sperm? I understand he wants his own biological kids but blood doesn’t make you a parent 100 percent of the time.
Poor guy. I feel God set him with you because He knew that he would not be able to have children and your child would be his. This is God’s gift to this heartbroken man. He had it planned all along. If you too see this try to tell him that he dies indeed have a family. I will put you on my prayer list for healing.
Why not look into adopting? You could adopt an infant ?
Theres ways that he could make it happen, cost a lot of money but people that are having infertility issues up for that. Just call a fertility clinic and they could give him a better understanding of what’s going on
He’s going through a lot…its a mourning process.
Get him counseling
She’s got a father. Lose the drama and let the man grieve ffs.
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Sounds like he needs time to mourn. He’ll come around because eventually he will realize he does have a daughter, yours. Just give him that space to grieve and go through the process of grieving. It takes time, be patient and love him through it. Just be there.