Just wanting to see if you all think I’m overreacting. My fiancé is divorced & they have a child together. He hides stuff from me about her; he’ll delete messages etc. It’s like they’re always texting or she’s calling him 20 times a day…(I have three kids with another man & we don’t talk hardly at all unless it has to do with one of the kiddos) We lost a baby last year & I seen messages where she said she hopes our babies keeping dying & that she’s glad he/she died (I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks) & that it was gods way of punishing him for them not being together etc. & honestly that has made me dislike her very much, but he overlooked it & doesn’t seem to care. Yesterday her mom called him I’m guessing & I heard him ask if they’ve called an ambulance (he ran out the door without telling me where he was going) & turns out she had overdosed (their child was at home with us) I’m not mad at him for going to help since he’s a nurse or whatever but he didn’t even tell me what he was doing It’s like he drops everything for her. I get the woman overdosed but still. Maybe I’m selfish idk anymore. And today it’s like he hates me & my children. He’s stayed in the bedroom most of the day even ate his dinner in there… like he’s avoiding me & my kids. Thanks for letting me rant.
I wouldn’t marry him, or he anywhere near him. That’s not okay, any of it. What matters is YOUR relationship with him, and his respect for you and his commitment towards you. Obviously something is going on between them, romantic or not it isn’t okay. You should be his priority at all times, not her. Especially with the garbage she’s said about your babies… he shouldn’t even have a second thought about walking away. The fact she has said she wants to be with him should have been enough for him to end the friendship and leave. There are soooo many red flags!!! Probably unresolved feelings on his part, especially with leaving and not telling you anything! SO NOT OKAY!
YOU 
DESERVE BETTER!!!
Don’t forget your kids are watching everything you say, do, and allow to happen.
Um yeah he’d be an ex real quick js
If this much deceit is going on before you get married, I would drop the fiance title. If you married him you both would be miserable.
Take some time for yourself and learn how much you are worth. You dont deserve to be lied to. You do not deserve to be overlooked and made to feel less then. You deserve more and you need to demand it from any man you are with
I’d let him know how you feel and that he needs to consider your feelings on the issue. If he doesn’t and you feel you can’t trust him or that he avoids you, you may want to reconsider the engagement…
Leave him, he’s not worth it.
He still wants to be with his ex he still loves her and he still wants to be with her and if you are not good enough and if he doesn’t love you enough to cut her out of the picture except when it has to do with the kid you need to move on
How long have you been together? Seems like he may be having a hard time breaking the habit of seeing her and their kids as his family unit. You need to have an honest talk with him about if he still has feelings for her. Are they divorced or only separated? You should come before her if you are who he is wanting to spend his life with, and if he can’t do that, byeeeeeeeeee.
Sounds like he’s not over her
Okay so then leave? So many mindless posts on here.
She is still the mother of his child. She’s probably been threatening suicide. That could be the reason for the communication. He’s hiding because he feels guilty. Give him a couple of days . His nurses training will kick in and he will realize she needs help, and it is not his fault.
Im sure it hurts you, it would hurt me as well. However maybe he knows she says hurtful things because she is beyond mentally ill and maybe he feels like he’s to blame for leaving her to begin with. Also he may be deleting the messages so it doesn’t hurt your feelings. Mental illness is scary and maybe he was the only person to truly listen to her. Try talking to him about it without getting yourself worked up (which is VERY hard) but needs to be done in order to move on and have a happy relationship, there shouldn’t be secrets if you both really trust each other. God bless you honey.
Give him back to his psycho ex!
Typically I’m the one who would say to work not out.
Not this time!
I would 100% end it. Like yesterday
I’d talk with him and depending in what is said, leave. My husband (before marriage) left me to use his grandmas car one night to go to work because he just took my car to go to an accident where his best friends girlfriend crashed. She didn’t call her boyfriend, she called mine. Yes we had issues, and we broke up for a few months. But it sounds like he isn’t over his ex, and/or she is giving him hope of a better relationship then they had before.
lol lot of dumb women on here. clearly hes cheating
You need to be prepared for your relationship to end but if you want to have the forever lasting marriage you have to address and talk through this issue.
Nope! You first or it won’t work!!! She’s not his problem, overdose or not!!! She’s her own adult and not for problem, especially since the kid was safe with you guys!
sorry do yourself a favour and close the door on him I had a two years old when I left mu first husband. If your not first now you never will be. mr right is not far away. xx Good luck.
Seems like he has a lot of care for her, I think you are mistaken his care for her as a person for something deeper. If he wanted to be with her he would, he is invested bc of the kid
Get out now. It will only get worse.
People hide things when they are up to no good. Speak up and if he doesn’t understand your point of view and change his behavior then it’s time to rethink the whole relationship. Can’t have one if you can’t trust him.
Damn, if I read that I’d would have lost it… this behaviour is wow, you should not be exposing your kids to this and he doesn’t deserve you and your children. He has to go
I’d address it straight on. I’d just say listen I get she overdosed and what not but common curiosity is let me know what’s going on etc. I have a ex and I’m not running out the door or whatever. If he doesn’t answer what you think is honestly I think it might be time to rethink your situation. Sorry, been there done that.
It’s my experience that people delete things when they have something to hide. That’s something I can’t stand for… if he can’t be transparent with you then you need.to reevaluate.
You better run away fast…really fast
My husband was kinda like that with his ex who he has kids with. It got to the point I was ready to leave him over many reason to do with her and I made him cut off all communication with her and she could go through me and it has been a night and day difference. Were happy together and are expecting our second child together now and his ex is happy and also had a baby with another man and we can all get along for the sake of the children
run…and keep running… he’s an asshole
If he wants to talk to her all the time, he should be with her.
Sorry to say but sounds like hes still in love with her. He definitely shouldn’t be talking to her as much as u say & for him to be so distraught about her overdosing is a huge flag. Especially if he is now ignoring you & the kids. Time to move along dear. Good luck.
Tell him bye bye it will only get worse
Dude, please dont marry this guy.
MAYBE ? ? ?
Maybe he only loves what he’s lost? I think you should test it. Kick Him Out. Commit to a certain amount of time and do NOT interact with him until that time is up.
Do not text.
Do not talk.
Do not let him over.
THEN… rebuild the relationship. You need to tell him that he is to have LIMITED contact with that woman and that he CANNOT allow her to disrespect you.
Maybe if he thinks he’s lost you, he’ll reconsider how crappy his life will be without you.
IF he doesn’t care, then I think you have your answer.
You not caring she overdosed and being mad he went without telling you is just as bad as her being evil saying she is happy your baby died. Both is wrong. Him hiding things is wrong. Some exs talk more frequently. Some don’t. If you trust him the content wouldnt matter. BUT this situation sounds toxic as fuck and I’d say all cards need to be on the table or end it.
She is absolutely making him feel guilty for being with you. You and your children definitely deserve better then this treatment especially since he knew you had kids when he started dating and then proposed to you. You owe to yourself to find out what is really going on so you can move on and be happy. It’s never easy to walk away when you are in love or thought you were. Good luck I hope all works out for you
Since you two aren’t married, I’d be packing me and my children’s things because the whole hiding shit from you and him not defending you issues. I can almost understand the running out the door with the overdosing, every second counts and it is the mother of their child but that doesn’t mean he gets to pout and hide away in the bedroom after the fact. You two need to have a serious coming to Jesus meeting and if shit doesn’t start getting better, be done.
You deserve to be with someone that loves you and your children. Someone that wants to eat dinner with you every night and not in your room alone. I think you know what to do. Find the courage within yourself and take the next steps. 
I’m sorry but that is 100% him putting her before you. That’s not normal behavior at all…regardless if they have kids together
It may hurt to hear but it sounds like he definitely still has hard feelings for her.
My ex-husband is my best friend and pretty much always has been. I am guilty of the “drop what im doing to go help”… whether it’s my kids, his wife’s kids, him or even her, they are my family. My exhubs and I have 2 kids together and will never not be in each other’s lives, again, we’ve been friends for 20 years. I know sometimes it’s hard for my boyfriend but we sit down and talk it out, communication is the key to a healthy relationship.
I have never deleted messages between my exhubs and myself (or anyone for that matter). If they need to delete messages then they probably shouldn’t be talking about it. If you have issue with their relationship as it is then you and him need to sit down and have a conversation, not an argument, a conversation. If a conversation about boundaries, secrets and deception cannot happen then I think you might need to reconsider your relationship.
Yeah, hiding messages isn’t okay. My fiancé and I don’t delete any messages from each other. That’s basically him hiding things from you. Not okay
The the things she said and him hiding things from you is a completely separate issue you need to deal with another time. This is the mother of his kid, your step kid. Let him be there to help.
he needs to get over her or leave
L. E. A. V. E its not worth it
This throws up a ton of red flags. I’m sorry you are going through this
This is not what a healthy relationship looks like. You both need to work on your selves apart from each other.
My exes and I talk a bunch and not just about the kids. I don’t hide any of my texts from my husband though. He knows my password to unlock my phone and can look at it any time. Same with his. I only delete text messages that are payment reminders and notifications.
Sounds like he is wishy washy about what he wants, and she is sick. Do you really want that to be your future?
Run. There will never be trust. He’s made shit crystal clear he doesnt have any respect for you. Hes still attached to the druggy. Dont let yourself be second. Be a queen dont lower your standards n make excuses for his shit behavior.
Run. All the red flags are there.
Oh man! I wouldn’t go for any of that sneaky stuff. You guys definitely need to communicate about this and put it all on the table. There has to be healthy boundaries set. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that!
He hasn’t moved on from her emotionally and by sounds of it probably never will.
You need to have a hard talk and give him an ultimatum.
Yes they can speak about their child, as to everything else though that is a No Go Area !!
All messages are to be kept, deleting means he is hiding shady things from you 
There is co-parenting & being friendly and then there is His Behaviour which is neglecting his Partner & a form of cheating.
If he doesn’t cut all ties or admits he still cares for her … Leave.
It isn’t a good situation for children or yourself when a relarionship is so torn.
Found out my boyfriend has is ex doing his finances, dont know if I should be ok with that? Mind you I live with him with his two daughters which we have no issues with each other.
It’s weird that her mom called him instead of an ambulance.
He dosent care about you as much as he cares about her period! And hiding things and letting her speak about you and ur baby is 
fucked up and wrong. Kick him to the curb
You sound controlling.
My ex did this same thing to me he always needed to know where I was and what I was doing.
My bestfriend who ended up deploying came back to the States after one of the Humvees exploded. I saw it on the news before I heard his voice again…
When he came home he was not the same man I had grown up with he developed a drinking problem he was questioning himself his abilities and honestly threatened to hurt himself a few times.
I promised to be there for him whenever he needed someone I wasn’t letting him fight his demons alone. Everytime he felt like drinking he would call me. I didn’t explain to my ex that in a way I was acting as his sponsor keeping him sober and helping him through what he was going through.
I should have but we all ran in a pretty tight group so if one mention of his problem were to be spoken about even to one person everyone would know. My ex began checking my phone, Tracking my location, Hacking into my accounts.
Point being this man might be your fiance but understand this woman is the mother of his child he was married to her he understands her demons and he is likely helping her through this addiction.
I’m not saying it’s right to delete messages but sometimes handling things in private is better than announcing it to the world. If he didn’t run to her aid that evening his daughter your step daughter would likely be without a mother.
He’s trying to help her get clean so she can be better for this little girl so she can stay alive to watch walk across that stage to see her get married to see her grandbabies one day.
You should let up on him.
If he’s eating alone it’s probably because you’ve been grilling him attacking him and making him feel uncomfortable.
You should apologize and have this conversation as an adult.
LEAVE I dont think he is over her.
Yeah he still loves her n he is not honest with u yeah I wld rethink ur relationship
He still loves her u are second. U need to decide what u can live with (can u be ok with being second and worrying he will leave if she ever gets her shit together) if not u need to leave
Truthfully, he still has feelings for her. It probably didn’t work because of her addiction, but this guy is taken. It’s in his heart. What she said about your baby (I am SO sorry mama) was terrible, but he allowed her to do it. You should be even more angry at him. You need to decide if you really want to be with him. Because along with him, comes her and it seems like you’re second best. I couldn’t live like that.
My husband’s ex made excuses to come by and call I told him one day when she showed up her and I need a few min. So I ask him to take the kids out side for a minute and I told her enough is enough and not to call or come buy again unless it has to do about the kids and now I am his wife. She stopped her nonsense and i never had ask him again about her. And buy we lived 3 states apart.
If she tried to kill herself, she must be mentally ill. He probably feels responsible for her and must worry a lot about his child. Ask him if he feels comfortable talking to you about this problem or thinks it will upset you.If you love him, give him a chance.
I would leave. Its sounds like he isn’t over her and eventually he will probably go back to her. There isn’t a any point in putting yourself or your kids through that.
Leave … there is no honesty or transparency in your relationship … Leave you will be better off
I would leave that situation. He’s hiding messages because there is something to hide.
Just leave mama. He’s hoping she’ll get better. He’ll always love her… It’s in heart. It’s better to go now then to be treated second
I’m not taking any sides here… trying to be devils advocate.
My first question is how do you react and talk to him about her?? Does he hide things because of the way you’d react if you found out they were chatting?? Next is what is he like when you are with him and his kid? Does he include you in raising her and experiencing things with her? Or does it seem like you are a pawn piece in his game??? On the other side… him leaving to help her with her od… let’s not forget that she’s the mother of his child. Keeping the kid in mind, he would want her to have her mama, regardless of the situation.
Sometimes a good step back can be an eye opener… things that may make you jealous or snide may just be comfortable for him… he’s had relations with her, he knows her, it’s baby’s mom. If the step back makes you see more clearly that things may be going on, then perhaps decide to end things before you tie the knot. 
Tell him he can’t have two wives and needs to choose. No hiding messages. No messages unless it’s regarding the child. Let her mother help her. Period.
Sounds like she has his heart and he is still in love with her.
Get him gone. You cannot, no matter how good you are to this man, make him love you. He is still hung up on the other gal. Do not expect him to change. Get rid of him before your heart is broken more. Please respect yourself and do not let him hurt you more. Don’t let this go on and on so that you look back someday and see how much happiness you lost by trying so hard to make him care. You take care of you and your kids!
From past experience: RUN … He chooses to keep her a priority … He chooses to allow her to disrespect You & His Relationship with You. Why would You Choose a man that Chooses to Not Choose You ???
Don’t marry him sweetie. He’s still hung up on his ex and clearly values her more then you. That won’t change after a wedding. You’ll still be the one on the back burner. You and your kids deserve better!
Never play second best to an ex wife. His only contact with her should be about their child. He is still hung up on her. If he ever gets over her, it still won’t matter, because if he truly loved you you wouldn’t have needed to wait for his love. Being alone isn’t nearly as bad as being used just to fill an empty space. Kick him to the curb.
It sounds like He isn’t over his ex. If you marry him you will always be second best compared to her in his mind till he eventually leaves you for her cause that is the way he is treating you now and he should have stood up for you when she said horrible things about your miscarriage. I would never wish for anyone to lose their child not even my worst enemy. She sounds like a god awful person too
Not healthy for you or your babies.
I’m sorry but I think it’s time to leave. 
I wish you all the strength & safety. May you find the love you deserve.
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. Red flags now tell us not to move forward in the future. If he loves you and anyone said that about your miscarriage without him unfriending them, then he doesn’t deserve you!!! I know it’s hard to end a relationship and move out but it’s even harder living in fear of losing him or thoughts of him cheating in your mind all of the time. Now is your chance to stand up for yourself and leave him.
That is a hard one. I moved about 45 min away so my ex would not interfere in my relationship. It worked. Our kids were older, but I was tired of it. Noone, even my kids were nice to my new man. I did hide conversations from him because they were very bad talking about him. This is the only reason I hide calls, events from him. If u cannot move farther away, find out what his real prob is? If he wants her back, etc. I do not think he wants her back. He is prob trying not to hurt her because of his kids etc. Stay, time is the only thing u have on your side. My ex passed last year, no more problems and we are still going strong, 8 years.
I think you both need to sit down and evaluate your relationship. It doesn’t sound like he is really in this. You should start preparing to walk away. Healthy relationships dont hide anything, there is open communication, trust, and respect. It sounds like you’ve also lost respect for him a bit through all this. For you and your children I wish the very best and hope you’re able to walk away.
… he doesn’t love you, he still loves her… RUN. YOUR BABIES DESERVE BETTER.
Been in that same situation. Trust me, same scenario. Better throw in the towel now or the longer you stay, the more you will get hurt.
Make him your x fiance. Anybody that is ok with someone saying they were glad your baby died is sick. Get away from him dont let him make you think its anybody but him.
Time to LEAVE! It’s only going to get WORSE!! LEAVE NOW!!!
He sounds like he can’t make up his mind. You deserve someone who will be 100% invested in you.
Go find that…
You aren’t over-reacting to the hurt this is causing you by any means. But it sounds like you SO is dealing with a parent to his child that is very unstable to say the least and for his child’s sake doesn’t want to see them lose their mother. Maybe he is just her lifeline and she has no one else but needs some serious mental health/rehab and just maybe he will be able to convince her to do just that - and as far as leaving his child with her in your care shows that he does trust in you and knew you would take care of that child no matter what. I do understand your concerns and hurt and anger towards this woman but remember she has some major issues if she just overdosed and just thank God it didn’t take her life but may have scared her enough to get help. I’m not defending anyone but you seem to have a good caring man there that puts his heart on his sleeve - give him a little time to swallow what she did not only to herself but all around her and then try to get a moment alone to discuss what is really going on in calm and carry matter. Good luck and God Bless to all concerned.
It’s time to kick him to the sidelines!!! You’d be better off without him. Just my opinion.
Deep down u know what the right thing to do is move on. He is still stuck on her and it’s only going to get worse u you and him get married.
The best thing for u is take your kiddos and move on with out him .
No definately don’t marry him you and your kids will only be living in he’ll I lived that life it’s not worth it get rid of him and find you some one worth having.for you and your kids.let him live in the hell he’s creating alone
Wow, he’s completely picking her over you!
You and your children (and his child too) deserve better.
That does not sound healthy at all. He seems more loyal to her than you. He ran out the door to go to her and you had their kid?? Um no. His only main concern that has anything to do with her is their child. That’s it. Go with your gut. Just go with your gut. You know what to do. Sorry.
You have told us every reason you need to walk away,
Leave and don’t look back .you will find someone that is all into you.
Run… don’t walk…
Many red flags here, don’t ignore them
Move on he isnt there for you. Get out now before its to late. Think of your kids.
Sounds like it’s time to move on! Now!
Dont get married and leave he is clearly still hung up on her and shes using it to her advantage
I stopped at “he deletes messages”. That’s all you needed to know. DUMP HIM. How many times have we heard this scenario to know they’re cheating so why is yours any different. Dump him. You’re worth more than that.
Leave him the hell alone. He’s still in love with her. Get u n babies out
He has not moved on. Get out now.
Red flag move on he not true
I dated a guy that had lost a girlfriend in a car accident. Everything i did or said was compared to her. Of course she had total sainthood in his mind because if her dying. Even though when she was alive she left her 3 month old daughter with a friend so she could go do drugs.
Then a moved back to florida still without her child and died in a car accident drinking and driving.
Nothing i even did was as good as her in his mind. When we split i heard about 10 years later that he did the same thing to his new girl after me. Only she could not compare to me. Smh glad i moved on. It is 21 years later and he still says he misses me. Guess he should have figured that out sooner.