My fiance is an alcoholic and I need advice

You & your kids deserve better!!! Don’t buy him anything anymore. If he wants it, work for it. Leave now or if your place kick him out

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Usually I’m not a bitch about these posts but clearly reality needs to hit you already. You knew prior to getting with him that he is an alcoholic… He is unemployed, not doing anything but probably leaving ass impressions on your couch while he drinks and smokes… Which you supply… First off, you can’t change anyone that doesnt want to change. If he had a job prior to you getting together and Covid/life affected that, making him comfortable in a home you do absolutely everything was not the answer. You turned him into your man child, not a husband. You took responsibility from him and put a cap on an addict. ANY addiction is hard to overcome but relapse can become so much worse with a forced cap eventually. If you dont change, he’s not going to. And you made things too comfortable for him.

I truly mean this, best of luck. Hopefully he gets the help he needs and wants it before it destroys your family. And I hope you put yours and your kids needs of a father/husband first. His addiction should not be your financial responsibility.

He needs to go. He contributes nothing and you enable him to drink by buying it. Let him find his own way to support his habit elsewhere.

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Just get out of that situation.you already know he’s not going to change.take your precious children, who are being affected by this bad situation more then you know and go to your moms or a hotel or a shelter.you and your children deserve a life.what you are in is not good. I’m praying for you ,if you can’t leave for you leave for your innocent children.

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He’s an addict and you supply him out of fear. He’s damaging you too. I had an alcoholic patient come in with alcoholic hepatic encephalopathy. He was completely out of it and needed lactulose by FMS enema. The withdrawal was awful. His wife had so much guilt because she said she’s the one who bought it for him. She said she’d refuse then he’d start withdrawing and get sick so she’d rush out to buy more. He ended up dying at only 45 years old.

Leave him. I left my sons father cause of his drinking best decision I ever made

Please leave for you and your kids, do you want your kids growing up thinking this is all right??
You pay for everything now, you can handle it.

RUN! RUN! RUN! Why are you even asking a question you already know the answer to? Unless he WANTS to change he never will

Stop and take a step back

What would you tell a good friend if her partner was acting like this? It is very easy to get caught up in someone else’s addiction. Managing their consumption, trying to control it…. It never works. The only way he will ever be better is to stop completely.

That is something you can not will someone to do, you can not love someone out of an addiction.

I’d pack and leave. Don’t listen to promises of quitting, etc

If he wanted to quit he would. He might promise to control it better or stop if you don’t leave and might even make it a few days/weeks but unless it is a decision for himself it won’t last.

Unless you want this misery to be your life it’s time to leave. As hard as it is, as great of a guy he may be before he hits that limit, as much as you love him…. For him and your own safety, happiness and well-being… it’s time to go.

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I don’t understand why you are paying for his beer and then taking the disrespectful shit he’s saying to you. Go get your kids and leave, don’t look back. I have been with my husband for 18 years and he rolled a pickup truck after drinking on the job and i absolutely refuse to buy him any alcohol and if he doesn’t like it then too bad. If our family isn’t being taken into consideration when you are choosing to drink then i am not taking into consideration anything he wants or needs. 3 years he’s paid to the court and has had a breathalyzer test installed in his vehicle.

“Stressed”? What stress does a stay at home gamer have?

You just need to leave he will not change

Quit buying it for him. Simple. He gets mad then oh well, he can leave. You need to show your kids his behavior is not ok and not tolerated. I know it’s hard to leave, and everyone has there circumstance. There IS help, don’t be afraid to ask. You already know what you need to do, you just need to be ready. The sooner the better. Be safe❤

He will continue what you have allowed all along. Leave because it will not get better.

I went thur this you need to think bout your kids and move out cause he’s not gonna change and too this day my kids father still drinks

Accept him they way he is or leave. He has no intention of changing. Even if he says he will change he already knows you will tolerate his bad behavior.

Baby girl no… Whatever reason you are staying for is absolutely not worth it. You don’t deserve that and alcoholics don’t change until they decide they are ready to change. Pack up and RUN.

Suggest AA.
Make a plan to be self-sufficient.
I can only guess that this is why you stay, that you are financially dependent on him.
Do you want your children to follow in his footsteps?
And watch him continuously verbally abuse their mother?
Choose your sanity, your kids and their childhood over him, his anger and addiction.
Verbal abuse is abuse.
Best of luck. :blue_heart:

First, stop buying it for him. If he wants to drink he can be a man and work for it himself!
Secondly, no matter what you and your kids don’t need to endure that kind of toxic bullshit. So tell him he needs to go get help for his drinking problem NOW or get the hell out!

Move On…at this point, you will not win against alcohol
You don’t want his problems to become your problems.

Girl i have been there. Coming from being raised and fiance was one as well. I told my fiance i was done if he didn’t stop drinking. We went through the arguments to. I have been exactly where you are. I’m sorry your going through this. Message me sometime if you need someone to talk to

Stop buying it and leave

Girl. Stop buying beer for him. You are enabling him. You are in an abusive relationship & your kids are witnessing all this. Take them out of this horrible situation, & get yourself into Al-anon meetings!

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Yeah, it’s so stressful playing video games all day. You are being an enabler. Leave, fast

Stop believing that he is “not really that person”. He IS that person and he will not change. Alcoholics don’t change just because they “taper off” he will be like that forever until he decides to quit COMPLETELY. Tapering off is bull and means nothing. Alcohol is alcohol and he will continue to be one until he quits. You don’t deserve to be called those things. Leave and save your children, they will never forget what he has already put them through :cry:

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Leave, as fast as you can. See how he manages without you buying his beers. And believe me this situation will only get worse

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Pardon my French, but why the FUCK are you marrying him?!?!! Get away now.

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Leave, your kids deserve better.

you already knew he was like this. it’s just a cherry on top that he does nothing. why do you need him if you’re clearly capable of taking care of yourself and 4 kids without him. save your kids the heartache of having to deal with an alcoholic.

You need to get out of the relationship period for you and your kids. You deserve better than that someone who appreciates you. I grew up with alcohol parent and as a kid I always wondered why my sober parent put up with the abuse… all that you dealing with is abuse too…he needs to get help for his drinking there is a reason he drinks…but seriously you need to stop doing for him

The hurtful names he calls you will never stop. You need to leave him as soon as possible.

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Stop carrying him… ur enabling him to be the way he is by buying his stuff…

Make him get off his arse and earn his way… u will never fix him and he sounds like he has zero respect for you…

Tell him to go…
How dare he speak yo u in that way…
Have some self respect and make him show u respect too…

But the way ur going its never going to change… only get worse

Don’t. It ain’t worth it. You cant change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their actions.

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Four kids. Not married. Run!

Tell him he either stops drinking or needs to find some where else to go and treat those people like shit and see if they will pay his way like you do ibwould look into counseling and definitely go through a doctor because stopping drinking cN be very dangerous if not done the right way and under a doctor’s supervision

Get out while you can I have an alcoholic husband who’s is verbally abusive also and no matter what I say or do he doesn’t change they don’t change till they want to which is usually when they hit rock bottom

As someone who grew up with a alcoholic parent you have no idea how much the kids suffers dealing with it. He won’t change it’s an addiction.

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I’m not the type to say leave, usually I’m the type to say work it out. In this case. Leave his ass.

This is incredibly toxic for you and your kids. If you pay for everything, just give him a notice and move his ass out.

You’re causing your children lifelong issues by staying with this man. If you won’t leave for yourself, leave for them.

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HE WILL NOT CHANGE!! It is up to you to change your own life…good luck!!

Never justify for a alcoholic. It doesn’t matter how many drinks he used to have. You knew he was an alcoholic and you chose to tolerate it. If you don’t like it then leave you’re the only one Who knows yourself worth. :thinking:

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Run. Lol trust me. Just run.

I dealt with an alcoholic for 8.5 years, so much time wasted. Just get out of there

You hold all the power here. And you need to be reminded of that. Either kick him out or pack up and leave. They also have support groups for family of alcoholics- you should check one out.

Why waste your time… he will never stop and his “drunken” behavior will only get worse.

He will only give up drinking if he wants to and even then it will be a struggle to stop.

So save yourself some heartache and be done with him. If he wants to kill himself with alcohol, it’s not your place to stop him. Either he will get help to stop or he will die.

There is already verbal abuse, it won’t be long until it turns physical if it hasn’t already.

Sorry if what I said is heartless but I wasted years of my life with an abusive alcoholic. And you know what I got from it bruises, heartache and emotional scars.

If I had it to do all over again… I wouldn’t. And you have kids involved so make the right decision for them.

He’s in full blown addiction and will not change. You have a choice to either keep dealing with someone abusing you, or leave and find a better life for yourself. His behavior is toxic and absolutely inexcusable. You are a victim of domestic abuse and I pray you find the strength to leave this situation.

My question is … why would you enable this behavior? You’re the one buying the stuff so what exactly do you expect? You’re putting your children in such harms way to grown up with problems because of him. LEAVE. If he isn’t contributing anything to your relationship, there’s absolutely no reason to stay. I mean any smart woman would know this. Why are you still there? I don’t understand why women put up with this bullshit. And especially contribute to it!!!

You cannot fix him.
Leave now!

I’ve lived this life… you CANNOT change him. I don’t know what your views are but finding Christ was what saved me.

You have zero obligation to repair what this man has broken inside. Allowing him to break you too is not the path worth taking. You will only hurt you and your children in the long run. A part of you realizes your worth every once and a while… enough to get you to write this.

Look up:

Al-anon
Gas lighting

Are we on Candid Camera right now??

Why is leaving even a question :woman_facepalming:

You already know the answer! Stop enabling and leave him now. Work on yourself.

Leave him. Best thing I ever did, I was in the same situation.

Not only are you enabling his abusive behavior, but he knows you’ll continue to do so if you stay. Run :roll_eyes:

Stop negotiating about the ounces, in my humble opinion I think he needs to completely stop he sounds like a danger to his family

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Alcoholism is a tough battle for an alcoholic. They may get sober but rarely do they not fall off wagon again. The way he is treating you is unacceptable. Some alcohlics are worth loving through their illness but those are the ones that treat you well and help out when sober. He isn’t drunk all the time I am sure and it doesn’t sound like only alcohol is the problem. The only reason I think you even have to stay is if he is willing to see a therapist about the addiction and a couple’s therapist for your relationship problems. If he does love you and respect you he will want to seek help to get you to stay. I get not wanting to leave the father of your children. You need to realize though your children learn how they think relationships should be by how they see their parents act. There are damages coming from a broken home but there are also damages living in one. If he won’t seek help, it may be better to leave him.

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Could you imagine him speaking to your children like that or your future kids witnessing this? It won’t get better. You’ve got to want more out of life than counting ounces at a gas station! Save yourself and your future. Speaking from experience …RUN!!

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Those kids and you deserve better

I mean you been going through this three years you have waited a long three years and enabling this behavior. And once they build a tolerance at this level then it goes up .

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Leave him take the children with you I have been through this it’s not a good environment for you nor your children your enabling him with the grog by buying it without you he will have to support his own habit and he either quits and Admits he has a problem or keeps going

Your kids don’t need this. Would u want 4 kids growing up like him? 4 homes with the same issues u dealing with now? Would u like your daughter tolerating a man like him?

Furthermore, he needs to fund his own bad habits. Quit buying him cigarettes and drinks.

Seems like weather u buy him drinks or not he still has a problem…so why bother

You are enabling him.
And you are wayyyyy to nice to put yourself through all that… Wake up!

I’m going through the same thing myself so it’s hard cause you love him but we have to know our limits when enough is enough good luck to you

If you read this out loud to yourself you have your answer!!

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Coming from someone who has been sober for 8 years…I would’ve never gotten sober had I not had CONSEQUENCES. You need to leave, not just for the safety of yourself and your children, but for him too. You are like his prisoner right now. Why would he ever get sober if he can live his life however he pleases and get everything handed to him?? The abuse is extremely worrisome. You deserve so much more :heart:

After the first couple sentences my advice is leave

He needs to stop drinking or you leave. There’s no in between :woman_shrugging:t3:

I was in a very similar situation. I held out hope it would get better, that he would get better, and it only got worse. I just left after 5 years of hoping. The world is so much brighter out there when you don’t have a partner that is an alcoholic and emotionally abuses you. You and your children deserve so much better - it only gets worse.

Stop enabling a childish teenage boy then LMFAO. I don’t get why people get with alcoholics thinking either they can change them or they’ll change on their own LMFAO. You best leave now or get used it to cause chances are it’ll never change or get better.

He’s the definition of toxic. Leave him.

Nobody should have to go through this. So sorry. If he can’t handle his drinking, he shouldn’t. You deserve better & I hope you get it :heart:

Wtf is he stressed about? And who watched the kids while your working? I sure as hell hope not him. You are the provider. Kick his ass to the curb. You do not need him.

I lived your life already. Kick him out. You’ll be surprised at how much you save not only financially but also emotionally.

RUN, far away and don’t look back!! My first husband / an educated drunk /. College graduate. Bachelors in science, but a falling down drunk!!

Why are you tolerating this? Love? It will only get alot worse.

He’s a abusive alcoholic deep in active addiction. You need therapy bc subjecting yourself to his daily abuse means you don’t live or respect yourself… you deserve more! Also all you know is an addict. What are you going to do when he’s still abusive even without the alcohol. How do you know he’s been faithful while extremely drunk and hasn’t put your health at risk.

Also your raising 4 children in an unstable abusive environment. They are learning that this behavior is ok. You’re allowing passively for them to be abused and that makes you a willing participant. Stand up for your kids, you are ruining their childhoods, their trust in their parents is prob gone, as they get older there won’t be any respect… and how are you going to warn them if the dangers of overindulging when you say by and let them grow up in active addict household.

Get out make your plan get therapy for the kids and yourself. Make amends and become the parent they deserve.

He loves alcohol, not you. Drop 200 lbs overnight and leave him. Contact a women’s center, a domestic abuse hotline & join Al-Anon if you want. You may be surprised at how free you feel & the lower levels of stress once he is out of the picture. If he’s the father of your children specify alcohol & drug testing and supervised visits. Sounds like you are the primary wage earner so you & your lawyer will have the upper hand in court anyway.

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He died at 60 of liver failure. Get the heck out now!! He went to several treatment centers only to drink again the day he would get out he was only going to get me off his back-they have to have the desire to stop or it does no good!! Run- don’t walk— as far as you can get !!

60 beers a day?? :scream: Damn…

So your gonna marry into this mess?? Your not married, you can still save yourself!

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Your enabling him. It wont ever stop and if anything he will sneak drinks. My ex was like that. Left moved to a homeless shelter with 6 kids 2 of them babies cuz I was done trying to lie to myself and knew I enabled him. I dont regret leaving. My kids and I are happy now and hes still a miserable drunk.

AlAnon is a wonderful group for people living with alcoholics. Check them out.
It doesn’t sound like you have much of a life, and it doesn’t sound like he wants to get better.

Take it from someone who lived with two alcoholics my ex an his dad, his dad drank himself til he died, nonstop drinking even when throwing up blood ex bf drank along with him. If he’s acting like this with cutting back he’ll never quit he will never be nice while drinking he will not change. LEAVE BEFORE YOUR CHILDREN THINK ITS NORMAL

You deserve better period!

You need to go to an Al-Anon meeting. You are enabling him in the worst way. Can you ask his parents to help you get him into rehab? If not can you kick him out of the house? It’s terrible to see someone you love throw their life away but it’s worse to drag yourself down with them.

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Wow he’s got it made with you. I don’t know how you are tolerating any of that bs. No job, no chores no contribution to the house and he has the nerve to call you names for not only going to the store for him, but paying for his habits???!!! You need to leave, that’s the only answer. If you start setting rules or try to change the living situation in anyway he will get even more abusive. If you want to be happy, leave as soon as you’re safe to do so. Or kick him out and call the cops when he becomes abusive. You can’t change that man. He’s an alcoholic bum. You’re wasting your energy and sanity trying to see any good from someone like him, there is no hope sorry to say!

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It won’t change, leave.

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You only have one life and you shld not be wasting it putting up with this. You have long enough and it is time to move on with out him. He needs to man up and get help! Your kids don’t deserve that life with him treating u like that either. Time to start over! It is hard but you will make it. I did and in time I see how much of my life I wasted and so happy I finally did it.

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You’re dealing with a full on addict, so anything that you do, he will argue and try to make yo u feel bad so that he can get his fix. You’re saying 5 tallboys, do you realize that’s 10 beers almost? So, a shot in an airplane bottle is 1 shot, but it’s actually 1.5, so 2 shots would mean you actually had 3 shots. He’s saying he wants these tall boys, because he’s playing you. It’s more alcohol. Anyways, you’re never going to win, until he gets help or you leave him or he dies, period. Tell him he needs to get his shit together.

Yeah he isn’t going to change or he would have gotten help by now. He has to want it, no matter what you do you can’t make him take the steps. Personally wouldn’t want my kids to have that kind of relationship as an example of what’s normal. It’s not okay for him to call you names, sober or otherwise, and if he still drinks knowing he is abusive if he takes it too far then he’s choosing his addiction. If you’re having to do everything on your own you may as well be on your own.

Ask him to leave since you pay all the bills and do all the work. He won’t change if you stay and put up with his behavior. My grandfather was an alcoholic and was abusive my grandma dealt with it for years. One day she finally packed up her 5 kids and left told my grandpa she was done. My grandpa quit drinking and proved he loved my grandma and their kids. My grandpa was the best non of us grandkids even knew he was an Alcoholic growing up. It wasn’t until I was almost 30 that my dad told me about his life growing up. If my grandma hadn’t have left my grandpa would’ve never changed. And know some people don’t but that isn’t your fault, but you need to protect your family your kids are watching this behavior and they will or could either follow in his footsteps or be with someone just like him. Break the cycle.

First off if neither of you are working how do you pay for anything? Unless I read it wrong. Secondly do not marry him. Leave.

Also, make note of his verbal abuse (what was said, when & where & any witnesses), save receipts of how much booze he goes through and any witnesses or others who you’ve talked to about this who could vouch for his drinking problems in court. Chances are he’ll show up to court (if at all) drunk anyway, validating your case.

Do you think he even cares about the kid/s? Chances are he’s only thinking about his next drink. If he makes little money or isn’t likely to pay & the court can’t garnish his wages, you may want to give up on child support and ask him to terminate his rights. Won’t preclude a relationship with him in the distant future if he ever gets his shite together, but chances of that are slim.

Stop buying his booze. You may be considered an enabler. But contact the women’s center first to be sure you & kid/s are safe every step of the way. Show the kids you are strong, worthy and don’t tolerate any nonsense. Do NOT under any circumstances marry this loser. You can do so much better.

As someone who at one point had a real issue with drinking (among other things,) it took me changing my entire way of thinking and behaving for me to even begin to improve my life. There are long periods of my life that I don’t even remember because I was too out of my mind and I lost everything I had because of what I was doing. The ONLY reason I sobered up was because I found out I was pregnant with my first baby. I quit everything then and there because I wanted more than anything for my daughter to have a great life. He will need that defining moment that changes his way of thinking. He needs to want to get better. I absolutely think leaving is the right thing to do. It will either be his moment to change or it will be the moment you realise he wont. He can absolutely rise up above alcoholism, but only if he wants to, and you cant be expected to fight that battle for him.

Run run as fast as you can. :running_woman:

How long have you been waiting for improvement?

I was in this exact situation with my hunny in 2019 only he wouldn’t actually come home, he would go to friends houses and shut his phone off so I couldn’t call him and tell him to come home.
Stay out all hours of the night, just leave without a word so there was no chance I could go anywhere. After 2 years of doing literally everything by myself and “sticking by him through his hard times” I had enough. I packed my shit and got tf out. I was NOT gonna let no man try and run me down anymore than I had already allowed, we also had a 2 year old at the time.
6 months went by and he got slapped in the face with the reality of me leaving him.
Now he had to work and pay his own bills and cook and clean and I made him pick up the kid every weekend. He cut his drinking to a couple beers a week on his day off and ONLY when our son was in bed, started taking our son a bit more during the week also. He showed change and I went back and now it’s better than ever. He does the cleaningI do the cooking, our money goes together for bills and extra curricular’ as well.
He’s a dream come true.

You need to leave and show him you’re more than he thinks. You also need to get those babies out. It’s SO toxic for them to see that.

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I stopped reading where it says “… the store where I buy his beers at…” ! It’s called enabling.

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Kick his ass to the curb! What is he contributing now? At least when he’s gone, he’ll be contributing some peace and quiet for ya and less stress :clap:t2::woman_shrugging:t3:

Can’t change him. Either accept it and all the abusive behavior that comes with it or get out and move on. plenty of men that know how to treat a woman.

Run, I mean run now! You’re heading for a miserable life! Kick his disgusting ass out! You know it, now do it!

You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you cannot cure it. Right now all you are doing is enabling him and raising your 4 kids in an environment that will almost guarantee their need for therapy.
Find yourself some emotional support (I love Alanon) and get away from him

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