If he has no motivation to completely stop then there’s nothing worth staying for. He has to realize he can’t control it, so he has to quit all together. It’s so sad that you’re the one who literally does everything but yet get called names like… make it make sense. You’re the person who provides his beer and he still calls you names. I know you love him but please love yourself more and leave. You deserve so so much more.
Leave. You don’t need him, he isn’t helping in any way. He isn’t working, caring for the kids, cleaning, etc you’re already doing all of that on your own. You don’t need him. Stop allowing him to abuse you. You’re enabling his behavior by continuing to purchase his alcohol and allowing the abuse to continue, and your kids are watching…they are going to grow up thinking this is what a relationship is supposed to be like, you need to get out of the relationship so they can see what healthy relationships are supposed to look like otherwise your kids will follow in you and your boyfriends footsteps…love yourself enough to know you deserve better, he isn’t going to change…especially with you enabling him
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My fiance is an alcoholic and I need advice
Run. Sooner then later
He won’t change do you want to raise your kids to think this is normal?
Run! I was in a similar situation for 20 years. Please don’t waste your life on someone who is completely disrespectful to you like that. Your kids are seeing this behavior in him. You will become very resentful and wonder why you wasted so much time and love on this person who says he loves you. Think of the example he’s setting for your children. RUN!
This is absolutely horrendous behavior PLEASE for the love of god leave him. As soon as possible. do not go back to him unless he’s sober and can prove he’s sober. You should not be taking care of his needs especially since he’s not contributing at all. He sounds like a man child
There is no nice sounding way to say this… But you are an enabler. It basically comes down to piss or get off the pot. Stay and tolerate it and feed his demon or get a reality check and leave him and find somebody who is mentally stable with no addictions
Oh girl you need to get out! Run don’t walk! You don’t owe him anything and it’s definitely going to get worse. It’s not fair to your children to live this way.
Are you comfortable reaching out to a women’s shelter and learning your options, seeking counseling etc? The abuse you are encountering is still abuse. I’m glad you recognize that. I think you probably know the answer to your own question or you wouldn’t be asking, but are maybe a little scared. I agree with above, your children are growing up to think this is normal and you have the chance to break that cycle. It sounds like you are already doing it all on your own, you are just dealing with a grown up child with significant alcoholism. See if you can talk to someone anonymously, get your ducks in a row, learn your worth and decide what is best for you and your children. I hope it is to leave, but only you can make that decision. <3
You have to protect your children! Leave.
Leave it won’t change
Why are you settling for that behavior? You know it’s wrong or you wouldn’t be on fb looking for validation. Kick him out and start valuing yourself and what you bring to the table. Once you are there find your self someone who will value you as well. You allow the behavior, you are setting the tone. You are not responsible for his actions but you are responsible for yours.
Please leave you will thank yourself later you are not responsible for his addiction
Do NOT marry this guy! Get him out as fast as you can!
20 years it doesn’t change. Even if he stops the drinking and drugs the behavior stays the same do yourself a favor save the heartache to a losing battle
It’s never, ever, EVER going to get better. I was engaged to an alcoholic, was by his bedside when the alcohol put him into a medicated induced coma & another month in the hospital. He started to get better, looking healthy & then he went back home & started drinking again. W/in less than 2 years, he died, a very tragic & slow painful death. In fact, he wouldn’t let me see or talk to him the last two weeks of his life. It’s been over 2 years & I have no closure, whatsoever. Please friend, I’m telling u this, because of my past experience. I watched him deteriorate slowly & couldn’t help him in any way. Please do what u can, at this very moment to leave w/ur kids. I know it’s going to feel impossible, for ur health & sanity, please leave.
Run girl! It will only keep getting worse. Eventually, the fists will come out. Been there. Done that. Your babies deserve better
Get out now! Let him fend for himself. You need to think of your children and yourself.
Your enabling him. Get the F out. You can’t help him with this
Why would you think any of this is acceptable? Hoe can you be happy dealing with any of this? LEAVE and leave now…
Get out! I was raised in a household with an alcoholic father, the alcohol is always their first priority. My younger siblings still deal with the trauma of his abuse 12 years after being away from him.
Leave!!! He won’t improve till he hits Rock bottom n loses everything trust me I know it had to happen to my dad. Get your kids and get tf out seriously. This isn’t about you nor him anymore it’s only about the children and these poor children are living in an abusive environment which isn’t okay. If you love your children then u should know to leave this man. File a protection order if you have to buy gtfo
Unless he takes the steps to cut out the alcohol things will never change. Thinkin your life would be much happier if you cut him loose and concentrated on you and your children. Since you are supporting your family anyway it would be cheaper without him in it ! You don’t deserve this treatment, your children don’t deserve this kind of life. They will learn from all of this and it’s not going to have a good outcome for them.
Yeah i already know i have the unpopular answer but if he was with me he would have taken a tall boy to the head like a twisted tea can a long time ago. Then hed never see me again lmfao. Hellllll no. You should have left yesterday. None of that is okay. You deserve better.
Cirrhosis is gonna end up getting him. Seen it happen.
LEAVE! He is not going to change his abusive and self-destructive behaviors.
Nope bye. It’s not going to get better
Girl you need to run. It won’t get better unless he wants to get better and it’s not sounding like that’s the case. Save yourself and those babies.
If he’s gonna get better he’ll do it with or without you, so now the question is is your mental health worth waiting for a day that may never come? The answer is no. An active addict that won’t get help is just going to poison everyone around them. I am an addict i have 9 years clean. He needs to get help or get out, and if he isn’t really ready for help that ultimatum won’t work.
He needs help. Until he accepts that he needs help and chooses to get it, you need to leave. Buying his beer in the first place is only enabling him.
Run you can’t help him unless he wants the help which he doesn’t
Girl, get out of there. It is not your job to rehab him, he needs to do it himself. He will not change. You are worth way more than this.
Why do you tolerate this behavior from a “fiance”?? Let alone enabling it…
Nope, run, he can fuck all the way off.
Accept what is and make the choice u need to make. He will not stop or change.
It’s not going to change girl, you need to move on and get those kids out of that situation before it influences them more. My father in law sounds exactly like your husband when he was married to my mother in law 20 years ago. Same exact thing. And guess what? He’s STILL THE SAME. Still drinks. Still is an asshole. Still calls his girlfriend and everyone else names. It doesn’t change. Don’t make this your life and your childrens lives.
You need to leave. He’s a worthless piece of crap and you are enabling him by buying the alcohol when he doesn’t even work. No way in hell would I take care of everything and still support a man’s habit. Nope!
You and your children have to leave!! You and your children deserve so much more
You buying him beer isn’t helping either its just enabling him …he needs help and rehab but if he doesn’t want the help and to change it isn’t going to work for him and it doesn’t seem like he is no were near wanting help… You need to leave and let him get his own beer if he wants it maybe after a few days it will get him thinking about his mistakes and that he needs to change… But i wouldn’t run back once you leave either your going to have to put your foot down and quit letting him run all over you… I really hope you leave prayers are with you and honestly your kids deserve better also as if you dont want to leave for yourself at least leave for them no child deserves to have to see and deal with that… Its not fair to them
Get out. I did this with a man for almost 8 years. It doesn’t get better. You’re not going to change him, and he’s obviously not going to change, because he doesn’t see an issue with his behavior.
Put his ass in place and a tall boy upside his head. Then tell him to get out. Don’t wast your life on that kind if BS.
I’m having a hard time understand why you are the one buying his beer….an addict will not change unless they 100% want to and it will not be for you or the kids. He will just keep verbally abusing you because that’s what he does, he drinks and becomes an asshole. You have to figure out when it’s enough for you.
He might be drinking less but he’s still the same guy and unless he’s actually trying to stop drinking all together, it will always be like that. Stop buying it for him and get out of there for the sake of you and your kids.
He’s abusive. Work towards leaving or booting him out! If need be contact a domestic violence service for help in planning and leaving/booting him out! Can’t be good for the kids
Please leave not only for your children but for yourself as well. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE and YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS! What are you waiting for…you already do everything now and you will continue to be able to do so after you leave. You DO NOT owe him anything and by buying him all the Alcohol he needs to survive, you are ENABLING HIM.
YOU ARE AMAZING
YOU CAN DO THIS!
He needs to decide for himself if he wants help. Don’t enable him. Do not buy him ANY alcohol. Help him hit rock bottom so he’ll decide to get help. Example: leave for awhile and hopefully he will get help. You can’t force him or give him ultimatums. It may work as far as getting him in treatment, but won’t last unless HE wants to stay sober. He needs rehab and needs to stop altogether. There’s no setting limits and hoping he won’t go over the limit. The only option is stopping completely which he will need to fo under medical supervision with medication because he can die from alcohol withdrawal if he stops on his own. Id recommend going to some alanon meetings so you know how to deal with an alcoholic and have some support. Good luck! It’s a tough journey
I’m in recovery and have had multiple alcoholic family members so I’ve been through all this from both ends.
This is ridiculous!! What are your poor children seeing on a daily basis from a “father figure?” How sad! I hate to give advice about things like this, but leave (for your sake and your kids’).
Make him buy his own damn beer. He wants it he can go and get it. Then go about your life and do what makes you happy. With or without him. He sounds like a loser though.
Unless he gets some help nothing will change. Why do you stay? You already pay for everything and you do everything. You must really love him but do you love yourself?
Enabler, not fair to your kids, not fair to you. Move on, he can only change himself
You can not compromise with addiction. He needs to make a decision if he wants alcohol or a family. He can’t have both. My husband is a recovering alcoholic. I understand exactly where you are. You are a mother. Always chooses your children first.
This has to be a wind up…seriously? 4 kids in 3 years? The man’s always drunk…how the hell can he get it up? And if it is true, y’all need serious help…and there is help out there…
This is alcoholism. You are enabling. Period. He chose the limit because he knew how much it took him to get drunk every day. That’s not a kudos. He doesn’t want to change, he doesn’t care and until he does care there’s not a damned thing that’s going to change. Tell him to pack his shit and get out since you’re the one paying for everything anyway. Do you really want your children seeing someone, regardless of who the person is to your children, treating and speaking to their mother the way that they are? Is that the example you are willing to have set for them as acceptable behavior in a relationship?
Your stupid if he is nasty and vulgar to and also dosent pay his own way kick his lazy ass to the curb
If you work, have funds etc why are you still with him? Usually woman stay and deal with this crap because
They financially stuck since they stay home with the kids and husband works.
Tell him to gtfo. If he don’t willingly go then you’ll have police assist you. If he’s on lease or whatever stop paying for everything and go find a new place, let him figure out how keep the current living situation. He clearly ain’t going to chance until it to late or something makes him change.
Nope move on my life was ruined from putting up with an alcoholic it’s pure hell.
Girl if you dont leave him. CUT HIM OFF. Its one thing yo support his habit but for him to be so ungrateful for it and treat you the way he does is unacceptable. Just bc he is an alcoholic doesnt give him the right. Hes obviously feeling that way even before he drinks so you need to get to the bottom of why he feel likes disrespecting you is just okay. Idk obviously the easy advice is to leave him but if you dont then you really gotta cut him off and make him realize how much you actually do. Kids are hard work. Dinners are hard work. Keeping up w the house is hard work. And having to deal w his BS is hard work that is so unnecessary for you to have to deal with. Put your foot down. good luck !
Oh no… leave like yesterday!
Once you got to the he don’t work bit I stopped reading . He relies on you yet thinks it’s ok to disrespect you like that ?! You know exactly what you need to do . Either he gets help goes to AA STOPS drinking gets a job or he can gtfo that’s outrageous and it will only get worse as he sees you will stick around and deal with it and knowing all he has to do is fight and he gets his way by wearing you down
I’ve been through this, the moment you say “I do” it’s only going to get worst. Save yourself the beatings and the heartbreak get out now. Leave and don’t look back. I wish I did.
Why would you keep your children around that?!
He’s a narcissist and he won’t change… leave his sorry arse!!
He isn’t going to change! What on earth do you need him for? A miserable life for you & your children?
Let me tell you this… My aunt and my uncle are both alcoholics… My uncle being the worst of the 2 of them… He gets the same exact way with not only his wife (my aunt) but his children and the rest of the family and others… This is a never ending cycle!!! He’s also now physical with not only his wife but his children as well… And has been physical with family as well… Once the alcohol wasn’t enough for either of them anymore they turn to drugs… Crack meth pills whatever they could get ahold of… And it’s worst now days to the point it’s going to be his life or her life… It’s a never ending vicious cycle!!! This has gotten worst as they have gotten older!!!
Get yourself and your babies out of that situation before it gets to the point both my aunt and uncle are at!!! Ik you love him but girl you don’t deserve to put up with his shit nor is it your job to babysit him while he’s verbally abusive… One day he will take it further… Your children don’t need to see or be around someone like that!!!
Accept it and run! He will never change and it will only get worse
You do realize that most people that drink alot don’t know what they are drinking? After he has his 3rd one, offer to get him the next one but try watering it down, dump some out and add water. Usually when they are drunk, they don’t notice. Its a old bar trick to people that get to drunk
Didn’t get past the 2 30 packs a day it’s time to go, you can’t help someone unless they want to helped
Take the kids and leave
You need to move along! You CAN NOT fix him. He’s making you miserable. You have one life to live… make it the best one you can.
If he cared enough to change you wouldn’t be on repeat about the issue and he wouldn’t be treating you like shit. I went through the same shit with kids father. I didn’t want my kids growing up thinking the way he acted was ok and normal so I packed up and rolled. Best decision of my life
Girl, put your big girl pants on and tell his ass. Or tell him theres the door. U don’t deserve that.
Why exactly are you with this loser? Can you really not do any better than that? I mean really.
Why are you enabling him though?? I think you should start there and ask yourself those questions.
You need to move on and save your kids from thinking that his life is typical
Time to go.been there done that and sorry but it never gets better.Dealing with a mean alcoholic is the worst.Stress will kill you…living in constant fear of who you will be dealing with which personality after each beer is crazy…time to go💯
My husband was an alcoholic. We ended up divorcing after 6 years. That was his rock bottom. He lost his home, family and marriage.
Now, he’s over 10 years sober. Remarried to a wonderful woman and is the best dad to our son.
I sometimes regret divorcing, but I think our separation is what we needed for him to the best he could be.
Good luck to you. Not all alcoholics get to the point where they even want to change.
Leave his ass, this is a dumb question to even contemplate. I dealt with alcoholism with my ex it’s not worth it
Leave. Best thing I ever did
Leave unless he wants rehab and goes to AA
I was in a relationship with an alcoholic for 4 years and it was 4 years of toxic. He would be verbally and mentally abusive any time he was drunk. Leaving was the best thing I ever did for me and our son. Hes in recovery now and a much better father to our son and we get along and co parent very well. You don’t need to put up with the way he treats you. Leave mama, it won’t get any better if you stay. Sometimes they need that wake up call
Leave now! Don’t let you kids think this is ok behavior. He needs help and you need to think about your and your kids wellbeing.
And you want to stay??? U cut change someone sorry u need to think of those kids not urself
You’re already doing it all on your own, you might as well be on your own. At least being on your own, you won’t be constantly abused and you won’t have a man child to take care of. It would be one thing if he wanted to get help and improve his life, but after 3 years of this, he has no intentions of changing. If he doesn’t work, and you pay for everything, stop buying him the beer. I understand that he gets abusive when he doesn’t get what he wants, but sounds like he’s abusive one way or another. You, nor your children deserve to live in that environment.
Why would you stay 3 years Jesus leave his sorry ass
I moved in with an alcoholic and it just got worse and worse and worse as time went on it never got better and he became physically abusive eventually so I had to leave what I’m getting at is the only thing you can really do is leave because you can’t change him nothing is going to change him except him and he’s obviously not willing to do that
He’s got to see he has a problem. Is there a certain time of day he’s sober that you can have a serious talk with him. Does he have friends and family that can talk to him? If more than 1 person is addressing his problem he may see it quicker. Also record him acting out and show it to him when he’s sober. He had to admit he has a problem before he can get help. Not everyone has to hit rock bottom. But some do. I would possibly get with friends and family and plan an intervention
You deserve better than this. You are teaching your children to think this is okay. If you are already taking care of everything, what do you need him around for? What he says to you while drinking, is really how he feels about you. Sorry to tell you that…
He is in the midst of an addiction. Unfortunately addicts don’t truly see or understand the impact of their behaviour until they are ready to get sober and even not until they are completely sober. I know you feel like you do it all but he is sick. For your well being and his I advise you leave, or at least dont live together or support his habit any further. You should seek help for yourself to learn how to set healthy boundaries with him. Addiction is a terrible and difficult thing that often hurts the loved ones immensly.
Quit buying for him. If he wants to drink tell him to find a way to pay for it himself. And this is abuse. You don’t deserve this treatment. It will not get better. Leave now. Do not subject yourself to this any longer
Stop contributing to your own abuse. Either stop buying the alcohol thats causing the issue or leave.
Why do women put up with this? Like seriously…ridiculous!
And by the way, your kids will never forget this toxic environment you have them growing up in. Get them out of it!!! This is no way to raise a child (with an abusive alcoholic)
Lmfao you’re stuck on what? Gtfo and leave his ass alone. Until he’s in therapy and on medication, he don’t need to be around.
Leave him immediately
Stop buying his beer and cigarettes. Take your kids and spend the beer and cigarette money on the movies and let him self combust all by himself.
Girl take those kids and run
You are not going to get through to him at all you should leave if you can
Kick him to the curb( He will not change & will get worse)…Think of your kids, Do you want them turning into this this???..Plus he’s free loading off of you. No decent man going to sit around playing video games, while you work your butt off…Best way to stop his Drinking is Stop Paying for Everything & lets see how far he gets when he has to Work for it himself.