My fiance lives in his past. Oh, he is stuck in the past. He has a past marriage; I’m sure you know where I’m going with this. The thing is he moved on well before she ever did, and now everything she does, he judges her on. If she leaves the children home to go on a date, mind you they are 17, 20, 21 years old. If she cleans the house because the guy is coming over, she is in the wrong. Everything she does, he has a snarky comment. He gets stuck on her in the things she’s doing. Meanwhile, we are supposed to be getting married in August of this year, and I wish he could put a little more focus on us than her. How does all this affect me, when he was going through the divorce I stood by his side I was very sympathetic I understood when he was sad, and I supported him through the whole entire thing. Now however is a different story because he is fully divorced; whatever she does is her business and not his. I constantly tell him this. I also tell him that it is hurtful to me when he talks about her. I also told him living in the past, and using it as an excuse is selfish. He tells me he’s not in love with his ex-wife. He’s in love with the memories; I get it. But we have our own memories shouldn’t our memories be good enough to make him kind of put his old memories on the back burner? We have been together for almost four years, and I’d like to think of myself as a rather patient, empathetic person. But living in another woman’s Shadow is getting old. When he gets going, all I see is a middle-aged man who is extremely jealous and throwing temper tantrums. I’m not really looking for any negative comments I don’t really want to hear leave him because I love him and that’s not really an option. However, more so looking to hear if any other people have gone through this. I know people that have been divorced, and they made great strides, and there are new relationships, I left a relationship to be in this one, and I don’t Pine after my ex, I don’t constantly think of my ex. That’s why I really don’t understand why he’s going through all this. And he tells me all the time that he only talks about it because I’m his safe person, to me that does not seem fair. His ex is on a cruise right now with her boyfriend, and I asked him how he’s going to feel if she comes back and finds out that he proposed while they were on the sea. I know if that were to happen, it would be an awkward distance between us, and I know any conversation we had would start and end with her name. So just wondering if this is a relationship that’s worth saving?
He’s obviously not over her, his actions and reactions show that.
He isn’t over her. He is jealous now that she is seeing someone. And shouldn’t have moved on so soon
Hes not finished with her. Send him back.
He’s definitely Still in love with her. He shouldn’t even be discussing her as much as he does. And making remarks about her dating life means he’s feeling some type away about it. Why is his ex been brought up so much in his new relationship.
My husband consistently makes excuses for his ex wife. It’s super hard. I feel you
Did you begin your relationship with him before he was separated?
He seems to be focusing too much attention on her. Maybe whenever he brings her up just bring up your ex. If hes upset about something she did just say yeah my ex would do this or that and it made me mad. Or whatever. Just give him a little dose of his own medicine. Maybe he will realize how hurtful it is to constantly bring up your ex.
And I agree 4 years is a long time to sit and hear it. I’d agree you are very patient. But as much as you dont care to talk or think about your ex. Maybe you should. Just so he can be on the receiving end. If it starts to bother him then good, he should stop. If it doesn’t bother him and he still continues to talk about her constantly then I guess I’d be over it. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who spent their time worried about another woman.
For starters he needs to find out why he’s stuck on her actions. Has he really moved on? Does he miss her? Or does he just have the “if I can’t have her no one can” mentality? And you need to put your foot down. Either let the ex go or no wedding. You don’t have to live your life trying to live up to her.
He keeps talking about her,concerned or whatever I think either he’s still got some kind of feelings for her, Id at least postpone wedding until he gets over her!
Um he’s not done with her… He’s still worried about everything she does and sorry to say but you’re a rebound, get out now… I’ve been through this before and I’ve known several women who have, it has always led back to him going back to the ex.
I am sorry you going through this. It’s very sad. You’re asking if this relationship is worth saving, hmmmm. You already know the answer. Listen to your gut and go with it. I wish you all the best.
Your just a rebound to him. He’s still in love with her. If she asked him to get back together what do you think he would do.? You deserve all his attention not her.!
My ex was like that, i believe some part he was still in love with her, i was say walk away cause it will never change
How does he know when she cleans the house? That’s truly not normal.
I would be over that shit quick!
I know you don’t want us to tell you to leave him, but he still very much In love with her. Both my fiancé and I have been divorced. He does not and would not talk about his wife like that nor care what she does. I also have many friends that’s divorced and it’s nothing like that. He’s never going to stop loving and caring for her. Your always going to be in shadow because he loves her.
Don’t marry him he will eventually just hurt you so best to leave him alone even though she may be done with him he’s clearly made some mistakes and he’s realizing that now and you’re brought into it unless if you just walk away before you know it he’ll be comparing you to her and what you’re doing wrong when his ex did right trust me best to leave now before it gets to that point do you really want to live your life thinking your husband thinks you’re not up to par compared to his ex what kind of relationship is that certainly not a healthy one so please know you’re worth
Four years of this BS.?? Helloooooo. Not rocket science!!
Theres a reason why his mind always goes back to her and especially when he seems to get jealous of his ex and a potential S.O. He has grow with you in youre new relationship, but still hasn’t fully grow out of his past relationship. Be wont understand how you feel about "living in her shadow " because he still imagines her as very much present. He needs time to grow and heal alone as an individual to figure out his wants. That doesnt mean separate but reflect on his future. You need to put a foot down and tell him if he can see a future with you he needs to leave the ex in the dust and no more talk of her. Boundaries and respect. 2 things a man still thinking about another women dont consider.
It’s a little harder to let go with kids. But it sounds like he’s cycling through the stages of grief again. It was super bad for my ex when I moved on and got engaged- to the extent that he proceeded to get married literally one year later. It doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you but I would recommend pushing him to go to therapy to work through some of this.
I know you don’t want to hear negative things because as you said, you love him. However, don’t marry him. Love him. But don’t marry him. Not now. Not in August. Things that aren’t healed now won’t magically heal when you’re married. These things you speak of are foundational things with your relationship. Don’t proceed until and unless he can recognize this isn’t healthy for him/you/your relationship and makes the appropriate changes. Just don’t. What you describe isn’t healthy for him or you, at all…whatsoever. Help him through it if you feel led, but don’t marry him now.
He has some serious hate which means he still cares. I’d wait if I were you…
Bye 
me and my ex husband speak maybe once a year. We could care less who the other one is with or what the other does.
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through this, I can imagine the many emotions it must stir and the confusion you must feel at times… if you are truly invested in this relationship and are wanting to remain in this situation/with him than I’d suggest straight up telling him that it’s gotten to the point that while you love him you’re beginning to second guess your future with him, that you don’t want to be with someone who constantly lives in the past or refers to the past- and then suggest he seek therapy, solo or as a couple, in order to move forward. And if he refuses and can’t acknowledge that it’s hurting you and the relationship than I’d consider leaving the relationship all together. This is toxic, and you deserve better, you deserve someone who is in the present moment with you, my opinion. Good luck to you whichever way you decide.
He still loves her. Run while u still can
My mom once told me if a man constantly talks about a certain woman either she’s a friend, an ex or a just colleague, that’s a big red flag.
My husband was engaged before me. When we met, he just casually mentioned it, didn’t even give me any details. Till this day, he never brought that topic up again. He’d always say he doesn’t want his past to ruin his present relationship.
Eventually, I realised HE’S RIGHT.
Girl, you deserved 100% love from your man.
Omg I could even read it all . Wen you said he can let go of the good memories. You should tell him to fuck of he’s full of it and can’t get over her . Don’t get married to him …
Cut him out of your life now … He is still in love with his previous life with her… Break the chain and move on sister… 
Sounds like he’s still in love with her.
Move on. He’s not over her. Or just continue to be his consolation prize lol. He doesn’t love you.
Love and hate are both passionate emotions. You already know the answer to what youre asking.
I hung onto my ex, my first love, for one reason and one reason only - i was still in love with him. I married someone else and totally cut all ties but he never left my heart - i even thought of him while intimate with my husband. I was jealous he married, jealous he didn’t pine over me etc. Ran right back to him after my divorce. Personally, he is jealous and can’t let go bc he is still in love with her or not over her. My now ex husband? I don’t care at all who he is with AT ALL bc i do not love him or have any romantic feelings. My guess is that ur fiance is not over his ex.
It’s going to be negative, but hear me out!!! 
When you get cheated on by him, with her, you’ll wished you’d never married him. I hope and pray for your sake that doesn’t happen, but FOUR YEARS LATER and still this behavior? That’s INSANE and completely disrespectful to you and your relationship! He clearly isn’t over her and is just waiting for any opportunity to get with her again, so he supplements that void with anger by picking out and criticizing everything wrong she does. He WILL get with her if he gets the chance to and he’ll portray to you so hardcore, that that’s not true! But it is. Also, as much as you have brought it up to him and he STILL hasn’t changed his behavior or even remotely tried to work on it, WHY WHY WHY would you marry someone who is soooooo disrespectful! It’s obviously hurting you and he doesn’t seem to care…or even if he does care deep down, for some reason he can’t seem to stop himself for the sake of you and your feelings…which means he’s obsessed with her…because he still has feelings for her and is soooooo jealous that she’s with someone…which will ultimately destroy y’all. Hopefully I don’t sound like a crazy lady and obviously I don’t know either one of you, but I have been in a very similar situation…and I was him. And I’m back with my ex, in whom I also have a kid with. 
It’s very obvious, he still loves his ex.
He says he’s not in love with her but he’s lying, he’s denying his feelings for her but, can’t seem to get over her. I get it, that’s the mother of his children but, he needs to move on before you two decide to go through with the wedding. I suggest therapy until he can move past his feelings for her.
If he says he’s “in love with the memories”… No. Not regretting her being in his life before and having kids is one thing, but if my ex husband was that bad then that’s red flags to me. To each their own, but I’d move on but before he moves into your life. You can do better. Or get counseling and get that 2nd professional opinion that he needs to move on
Sounds like he still is in love with her and you’re filling a void. Especially if you got together immediately after their initial seperation… did you contribute to their divorce? A man that will cheat with you will cheat on you ( if that’s the case) even if it’s emotionally… and that’s what this is… Not wise to marry him, move on.
Big red flags here. He sounds like a very controlling person who won’t let her go. Was there any abuse in their relationship? You say he moved on very quickly, another sign of a narcissistic personality as they need to have a primary source. You also say he throws tantrums and gets jealous. That doesn’t show that he is still in love with the ex because raging isn’t done out of love is it? It’s about ownership and control. I wouldn’t go through with the wedding. It’s only going to get worse and he’s happy for you to feel second best. If you try and leave he will probably Hoover you, promise you the world because they don’t like to be left. Give you a bit of hope but nothing will change.
Read up on narcissistic personality, watch YouTube videos. Open your mind to what may really be going on.
THIS is him, now. THIS is how he is. THIS will be your life with him.
Well Sister You need to move on .
So sorry if leave him isnt what u want to hear. Couldnt have dealt with that sort of bullshit for 4yrs. Like odd time bring up an ex is 1 thing but constantly. Sounds like hes hung up on her and u will be continuing a relationship with someone who will only keep hurting u. I think leaving him is the best option or maybe he needs some sort of counselling to deal with his ending of that relationship so he can just move on and be happy.
He loves her still. Get out before it gets worse. If you don’t, you WILL regret it.
I have went through this! Postpone the wedding or you will have a miserable marriage . He is not ready at all. Intense counseling is needed and the end result doesn’t mean marriage.
Dont marry him you can do better fine someone who will respect you. You deserve better.
If both of you left current relationships for the one you’re in it looks like it was tainted from the beginning! Seems you were both unfaithful if you left one for another and this is the worlds way of showing you infidelity is not ok sorry not sorry
Sounds like he is Heathcliffe, and the ex is Cathy, and you are not recognised sadly
It may not be what you want to hear, but leaving him is pretty much your only option if you want to avoid a bigger heartbreak later. Like him cheating on you with her. He is still in love with her, there is no way around it. Sorry love, but it is not worth saving, get out now.
It sounds like he’s still hung up on his ex and the anger is his way of putting up a barrier, “methinks he doth protest too much”. I’m assuming that she has moved on herself now - if he doesn’t think going back is an option, being hostile is the only thing left he can do to still keep her active in his life when he can’t have her.
I won’t say leave him, because love is complicated, but definitely postpone the wedding until you can see a counsellor together and decide for yourself. You don’t want to end up in a one-sided relationship where he feels like he’s just settled for you to fill a void - you obviously care about him and don’t deserve that.
To him you’re a “biased party” on the whole matter so it’s possible he’s become blind to your feelings/opinion because he’s spent four years expecting you to understand, and you have. His behaviour has been tolerated, or even sympathized with, for four years so he’s not going to give that up overnight. He may need someone uninvolved to point out to him that what he’s doing is wrong before it’ll actually sink in, and a counsellor would be able to provide that unbiased viewpoint to him and help you both work the issues out in a non confrontational environment.
Wost case, it may still end with you leaving him, but at least then the air will be clear.
Don’t marry him, yet. You will be stuck in a marriage where you will be the only one working on it. He needs help to work out his feelings that hes holding onto from his past. I would suggest counseling. If he doesn’t agree to it, move on. Plenty more fish in the sea.
See him for who he is right now, and not for his potential.
When he shows you his true colors like this… believe it!
It is very likely that he will do the same with you as he is doing to his ex wife.
All of the red flags you ignore now will end up being the reasons you leave down the road.
Protect your heart! 
This has Narcissist written all over it. You will never change him. If you don’t want to leave him, then you’ll have to learn to “put up and shut up”. Because he will tell you he’s had enough if your whining. Bride-to-Be BEWARE.
Hes not over her. Hes telling you everything you want to hear so hes not alone. This has narrasisit all over it.
Love him yes but love can be very blind. But dont marry this man he clearly needs counseling. Anyone who lives in the past will never move foward till whatever it is keeping him tied emotionally is healed. U are the body there every night but not who’s on his mind every second. And honestly after 4 years this man is messed up emotionally. And u are a very patient person. If you dont have any children with him, no ties… Then run girl! Theres better out there. Hes emotionally abusing you weather u want to hear it or not.
Leaving some one for someone else rarely turns to a happy ending!
I would point blank let him know he isn’t ready to move on. That he is stuck in his ex’s business. His kids aren’t kids anymore. They adults. Yes, even the 17yr old. What she does isn’t his concern. The adult children are even ready to move on.
He ain’t stock in the past sounds more like jealousy to me I dated a guy like that . She was acting like a victim and any chance she got she would rub in his face like trips , vehicle an use the older kids to deliver the message. I would move on like I did . He would do that exact thing
Sounds very toxic. He is not over his ex and wont be for a while. Its up to you if you want to get out of the relationship. Maybe suggest couples counseling ? When I split from my ex he treated me like shit. Said all of these things about me that werent true. I recently found out from a distance friend that he was jealous that I could move on so fast. And with mental and physical abuse you loose that love. We have kids together so we still have to be in communication.
Men who live in the past are not marrying types the need to get over ex’s and what the ex did or does. You should postpone marrying him til he puts your relationship first.
It sounds like he is still in love with her and mourning the loss of their marriage. He’s nowhere near ready to be fully present and available to you as your husband. You deserve someone who can fully participate in a relationship with you without being hung up on ex.
This isn’t likely to improve. Can you live with this situation? It’s going to be you, him & her.
Sure, though he sounds bitter, knit-picky & snarky, he might still have very strong feelings for her and he’s just too immature to acknowledge it. Expressing that in an extremely unhealthy, wholly annoying way.
The heart wants what the heart wants. Dont break your own heart my love. I am saddened to say that if you are 4 years in and this is still an issue staying may be treading water…the fact you had to ask him how hw would feel about a potent proposal is not healthy. You have zero security and thats not love. It is cruel to have a fiance and be this way because he wouldnt stand for it if the shoe were on your foot not his. Guard your heart sweet. This path you’ve chosen is thick with tears and heartache.
I kinda been in the same thing with my ex boyfriend. He would talk about his ex girlfriend to me all the time. Telling me things that she would do afraid that I would do the same thing. ( They also had two kids together) but still I got Judge for what I did or didn’t do, to his ex. But after 6 year in a half with him an all the abusive I took ( which I took to protect his daughter from him an ours too.) I finally got away from him an raising my two girls ( one of my girls belongs to my ex) plus I am getting full custody of his daughter ( his kid) too. I am so happy now so is my girls. It’s been 3 years now.
He is not over his ex at all… I’m sorry you are going through this. At some point you will need to decide if this is the life you want with him bc 4 years and no change means it’s not happening.
Gosh. I wish I had some advice for you. Extremely difficult situation. I personally wouldn’t put up with it. I dated someone who was like this, constantly on phone fighting with her and talking about her all the time. I just had to leave, he wasnt ready for a relationship. Maybe some counseling will help the two of you or at least him to move on. 
If he can’t let her go then you let him go. He has not moved on and can’t stand the thought of her being with another man. He’s wondering if her new guy is better than him in the bed. And he sounds jealous. I wouldn’t put up with it, but that’s me.
I stopped getting hung up on these guys long ago when I said “Okay, that’s it. I’m done.” I can take them or leave them. Not bitter or angry, just aware of their crap is all. So over it.
Don’t get me wrong. I love men but just not enough to live with them or be married to them. Been there, done that. I’d rather we go out, have a good time, and enjoy each other’s company.
So, next time he says something about her ask him “Why are you so concerned about what she is doing in her life?” Then offer to take a break from him while he figures it all out. See what he says about that.
As for YOU, move on and be happy instead of dealing with his drama about her.
Everyone has memories it’s how we handle them when it comes to starting a new relationship. I know someone that has built a wall up he tells me he’s not ready for a relationship and don’t know if he will be. So I will give him space to figure it out. But life is short don’t wait forever for him to figure it out you have a life too and you are important too.
No sorry it does not sound like u are being valued … So no i dont think u shouod trt to save this relationship
It sounds like u are in the friend zone. If he just puts all that on u…
U need to love urself more than u love him
Its true. If u dont love urself how can u expect anyone else to fully n truly love u
So sorry u feel like this and feel stuck
Love doesnt hurt
Love doesnt compare
U shoukd aleays be a priority
His main priority ehen it comes to his love life…not his ex love life
Put off the wedding you don’t have to leave him but until he can get over her but then again you said leaving etc isn’t an option so this is the role you must take on unfortunately is to be the shadow of another women until he’s ready to move on so get comfy…sounds like he wasn’t exactly ready to move on when they divorced a moved on person doesn’t hang on to the past or not pick everything a ex does give tough love or maybe give him a taste of his own medicine he’s clearly still in love idky anybody would still want to marry a man that isn’t valuing his soon to be wife and clear as day still lives her to each it’s own.
I met my husband when his first wife left him. They were a few months after she left and a week after he called it quits in his heart at 100%. He was so mad at her for leaving him the way that she did not that she left. My advice to you is to make him talk it out. Be 100% honest with him and yourself about not being 2nd place wife. You are a STEP up not down and he has to see that. When he is a jerk about her say well if she cared about your opinions you would still be married so let’s move on. Its harsh but sometime tough love is the best. Also re evaluate if you love this man or the man you think he can be when he gets over this because 4 years is too long to be second best to someone who divorced him. Just my opinion.
So my guess is that’s the way he always was, you just chose not to notice until now. It’s still a red flag. He’s critical and that’s a problem. You okay with this? If not, then say goodbye.
If you want to be” the safe person” the rest of your life hearing about the ex and being her shadow, by all means go marry him! If you want to be a “wife” then i suggest both of you go to a counselor or you need to maybe take a break so he realizes you are not the safe person, you are his wife to be!! He needs to find a buddy to be his safe person!! SMDH🤦♀️
The sad thing is…he really hasn’t moved on…apparently…you mentioned he moved on way before she did but I don’t see it like that…he was just out having fun thinking he was done with her…now that he has you…but seeing her happy with someone else is biting him in the ass…I think he’s with you trying to fill that relationship void…but it seems as if his heart is still with her…do you feel genuinely happy with this man? If so put the marriage on hold and give him space to deal with his own mixed emotions…I’m sure she’s done moved on but he’s the one who needs to realize it’s over and deal with his own emotions, clear his head and figure out what y’all got going on…if he can’t figure things out and let things go…you will never be happy and you will live your marriage trying to fill someone else’s shoes!!! Learn how to read him I mean really read him…you will be able to tell if he’s really moved on or not…and then it’s up to you and what you want to do…not an easy position to be in…Wishing you all the happiness in life…maybe the love we have for someone isn’t what makes us truly happy…and it’s the sense of our own happiness that someone brings out in us from deep down in our heart…wishing you the best
My soon to be husband at the time was worse if his ex wife called at midnight wanting a pack of cigs hed make us get up and drive an hour to her at firati though okay its the motherof his kid whatever. But thwn the kid came to live with us and he still did it untill one night it was storming and the roads were bad and she called. I finally put my foot down we had a major argument but in the end he didnt go nd he never did again.in your case find someonw to fixate on an ex is a good one and start complaining bout him all the time when ur so has had enough tell him how do u think i feel. That or try explaing it again but use i statements so i feel this when she gets talked about noti feel whwn u talk about her he done stoped hearing u when he hated the word u
I hate to say this he still loves her and hes starting to realize she really is moved on from him and more than likely will never go back to him its bothering him watching her live her life and he isnt even being thought about hes never going to stop and you said you arent leaving guess you might have to be in constant shadow of the mans ex wife hopefully one day he finally moves on from her and focuses on you
Personally I’d hold off on the wedding plans, he’s obviously NOT fully invested in your relationship. Good luck girl, hoping for the best.
Couples counseling. My husband had this issue, and they had been divorced for 10 years! I told him, I couldn’t live like that anymore, and that I knew he still had feelings for her. However, he had feelings for her the way she used to be when they were married before things got bad between them. We figured all that out in couples counseling, and he was able to put the past in the past.
You already know it’s not worth saving, but you also said that leaving wasn’t an option so you will just sit there and live and probably die in another woman’s shadow. Good luck! You will need it if you marry this person.
He may never change if your not happy leave life is to short !!!
I think u should really think about if u really want to get married it doesnt sound to me like its goin to change it sounds like he just goin to keep on goin with it
You were there through the divorce? So maybe that’s the problem. You said he was done before her. If you’re the reason, maybe he’s having second thoughts. He bailed on his family, maybe it’s regret.
Bitterness is a slippery slope to eternal misery
Sorry but it sounds like he is not ready to get married. He is not over here yet.
Ugh he may very well still have feelings for her or he wouldn’t be worrying about what she does
Are u the reason of his divorce? If not why did u get into somebody still legally married? And allow to jump into another relationship…obiously he aint ready,u didnt let him process divorce first and he getting married again!! Everything has consequences…
Chick…dude is going through the five stages of grief…he’s on anger…which means he’s not over her yet. I would urge that you wait for him to go through the whole process before marrying this guy. Also to ensure that you’re not a rebound
Honestly, if you want to save the marriage that’s up to you guys to figure out… and it’s going to have to start with him respecting your feelings.
No advise but I hope the best for ya!
He’s still in love with her. You might want to do couples therapy. You are not there to be his venting buddy but his partner. My friend went through same thing and she loved him but realized he was never going to let his ex wife go and she deserved better. If you love yourself and him, you need to tell him straight up, no more talk about your ex and live in the present. If he can’t, he’s not over her
Not being negative but just the truth it sounds like he isn’t truly over her but still has feelings! Just make sure your not going to regret getting married after. That isn’t fair to you to constantly have to listen to that! What the ex does is really none of his concern! 
I would put off the wedding until he’s 100% devoted to you because he’s not and he’s doing all that because he is jealous and not completely over her. If he was then whatever she was doing would not matter. He’s finding reasons to put her name out there when it’s not needed at all. If you feel he will not act upon things and try to get her back then I’d continue to work on things with him but definitely don’t get married to him YET
You must be a loser…You keep putting up with his shit. Stay there and get what you deserve.
He didnt move on. Hes stuck on her.
He isn’t over her yet. I wouldn’t get married until he is neither.
You typed the answer to your inquiry. You are living in another woman’s shadow.
Resentment is brewing & it will crack the foundation of your marriage.
Are you willing to build a life on second best? That’s the real question.
That was his wife. I like that he is open to sharing how he is coping with being divorce. I would postpone getting married until he can let go of his first marriage. Since you want to be there for him no matter what. Try therapy.
Hes still inlove with his ex. Point, blank, period. Its been 4 yrs!!! No excuse! How long were they together?
Its sad that he has you, who seems very understanding and def putting up being 2nd choice. Thats totally up to you. But hes inlove with his ex. If he didnt love her, he wouldn’t give 2 shits about what shes doing!
Sounds like he isnt over her and ur going to encounter a lot of problems if you do marry. He needs to let things go and I think you need to move on sadly.
Couples therapy is needed greatly.
Best of luck!
He loves her 
I’m sorry
You were with him through the divorce? Sounds like he moved on too quickly and didnt allow himself to get over his ex. The grief process is very very important in order to move on. I would put off the wedding for now. Time is what he needs, not to jump into another marriage.
He can SAY anything he wants to say- but his actions are showing he’s not over her. You’re coming in second. Is that the place you want to be? Postpone the wedding until he can get his head right. Unless you’re interested in being married to someone who married you for nothing more than to win a contest on “who moved on first” with his ex.