I know a woman. whose husband took her last name. I’ll old school and took my husband’s last name both times. You guys really need to have a good talk about this. Both of your wants are valid here. You can’t just write off his desire to have you take his name. And he needs to take in to account your need to keep your name. His family has no say in this
since when did women lose their identity by taking their husband’s last name. keep your last name for business purposes, but take his. look at actors/tresses they use a fake name but keep legal docs in their name. come on people quit being so bullying and uptight
I didn’t take my husband’s name because I have worked so hard to own my own name. I thought he should take mine. I did such a great job
Just hyphenate it. It’ll be a long last name considering it’ll be 3 last names but marriage is about compromise.
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I was married and divorced once before and had to fight to get my maiden name back! I wasn’t doing that again, and this time my husband’s last name is awful (he even makes fun of it), so I hyphenated!
I didn’t take my hubby’s last name and he is not happy about that! He wants me to change it to his. I love him so I guess I can do that for him. It all depends if you want to take his name or not!
Taking your husband’s last name should be an honor. If he’s good enough to marry, he should be good enough to wear his last name
I kept my last name also. If he loves you enough he will get over it. It really is such a small detail when you think about the bigger picture. You will still be his wife either way. In my case, my children have my last name so I didnt want to have a different name than them.
I wouldn’t want to either. My last name means a lot to me. It’s who I am and where I come from. I never liked the idea of women having to leave THEIR last name to change it for a man. If a woman wants to I guess but that saddens me. I couldn’t do it. I love my last name and the beautiful history of resilience and strength that it has🦋
Do what you feel is right for you. He should compromise and understand you not be mad about it. When you are ready you can change your last name. When I was married to my x husband I kept my name because I love it and didnt want his last name lol when the time is right you will change it or not. It up to you. Just because your not taking his name doesnt mean that you mean any less of him ya known
I kept my maiden name not legally but professionally. On my driver’s license it not hyphenated but on all of my other paperwork I use my married name. I live in a community where my last name carries a lot of weight and people always know me by my maiden name. My husband doesn’t mind at all. My dad didn’t have any sons so it was my way of carrying on the family name. However my sister did have a son and she named him Riley which is out maiden name. That may be the case for you in the future.
I feel like it’s a personal opinion. If u want to keep your name do so. I feel it’s whatever makes u both happy. He should be ok with u not wanting to change your name. Don’t let family get involved. Too many cooks in the kitchen.
I kept my last name my husband was offended but my dad passed away and i felt sad to get rid of my family name plus my daughter has my name not her fathers i dont want her feeling left out beings her siblings all have same name so i kept mine for several reasons . lots of friends and family didnt know til i gave that info out when asked from not changing my fb name , keep it to urself as i did and if and when asked then explain why , otherwise its not anyones business but YOURS including ur soon to be FIL !!! im sure hubby to be was upset venting to daddy but still its ur choice and ur prerogative
Everyone has different reasons, and ultimately, it’s a personal choice. I was fine letting go of my last name, but that’s because it was my dad’s name and he was, unfortunately, a horrible and demented person. I didn’t have a bond with my maiden name. You both should continue to discuss it… and he shouldn’t be so easily emasculated. Good lord, it’s 2020, not 1950! 
Discuss, reach a decision, and move on. You both have a right to care about each other’s family history.
Both of you arent wrong. But if you stick with yours you all beed to have a very serious conversation about what last name your future children will have. Sounds like you would potentially wanna carry on your moms last name and that may not be something your man would be willing to compromise on. And id have that convo before you say i do. Good luck!
I couldn’t wait to get married and change my name and start my new life and build a family. My sister kept her name but her kids have her husband last name. I don’t know how I would feel if my kids didn’t have the same last name as me. To each their own but i love sharing a name with my husband and kids.
I love my last name, seeing as I’m the last Kasareff that was not married into the name. I was the only child and my father would always ask me to keep my name. I kept mine! My girls all have both of our names too! It’s all up to you! It’s your choice!
NOOOOO! F that! I’ve been with my guy for ten years. WE have two sets of twins. The first set are not his, but he still claims them (it’s all about love.) we’ve been married for two years, and I have not changed my name. His family have asked, and maybe in time, but our love and our families love is about US. Nobody else matters. He understands my point of view and I understand his. Marriage, and relationships in general, are about communication. Talk to your partner in crime!
If he feels emasculated about THAT. What if you make more money than he does? My husband told me he would understand if I wanted to keep my last name and it was the last name of my former husband not my maiden name. I did change it. I think you better have some serious discussions.
My grandma made her last name her middle name when she got married and one of my friends just hyphened her name with her husband’s, they both hyphened them together so they matched 
bc keeping hers was still important to her and he wanted his to be apart if they were married … And my fiance when he was married his ex wife wanted to keep her last name so they hyphened his last name to hers … Just figure out what you want 
best wishes
I’ve kept my last name and my hubby doesn’t mind. We are a committed couple who have been through everything!! A name change doesn’t change the fact that you don’t love him any less or think of him any less. Build you foundation on love and a life together!!
Married with two different last names is a pain when dealing with legal paperwork. And have you discussed what your children’s last names will be?
Keep your name! I married and divorced but I am now of the opinion of if you want to change it or not it’s up to you. Since being divorced I have decided should I marry again I am keeping my maiden name as I am the last one I the family with ‘Hills’ as a last name. I do love tradition but it shouldn’t be expected for a woman to take a mans last name. We are our own person and if we want to honor those before us (such as myself) it’s not a requirement to obtain a new last name.
I really feel that he needs to start appreciating compromise since you are both going to have to be making these throughout your life together. If he can’t get past that, then there are so many larger issues that will be a wall for you. Might have the talk about surname for the children too. I like hyphenated and it’s not uncommon in some cultures. Anyway, it’s YOUR name and you should have the final say. He needs to respect that it’s part of your identity and it’s important to you. I would suggest a counseling session or two if you can’t have the conversation with just the two of you.
Ask him if he wants to take your last name … and see how he feels about it… that might help him see your perspective.
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Maybe on official documents have the really long name, make maiden name your middle and use his for last then? then go by publicly what ever you want? Just a thought. But I did keep my fathers name, since he passed long before I married this 2nd time.
Been married to my husband 16 years in August and I haven’t taken his last name. It’s cultural. At my kids school they call me by his last name and it’s no big deal; less confusing I guess. He’s never cared. Feeling “emasculated” by your choice feels problematic; perhaps wrong word choice on his part.
I wanted my husband to take my last name bc my dad had 2 girls and he is one of 3 boys and his last name is the same length as my first AND last name, but he would’ve felt “emasculated” too 
I ended up changing my name because I wanted the same last name as my children. I’m not upset that I did, but I kind of wish I didn’t at the same time. I’m on track to be a doctor and I’d much rather be Dr Pasquale than Dr Der Boghossian Lol and when I become Dr Der Boghossian, the first MF that assumes the Dr is my husband is going to catch these hands 
if I was a Dr before we got married, I definitely wouldn’t have changed it.
My sister had the same issues but in the end she did get her way and he actually changed his to her last name. Its hard to break tradition but its a new time… whats “normal” ? You could compromise and hyphenate the name 
You can keep your name or take his. The choose is yours. You don’t have to take his name. If you have children, you can give them their fathers name. Simple, right. God bless you.
My daughter earned her Ph.D and post grad as a single woman. She uses her married name socially, but legally kept her maiden name. Her husband fully supports her choices and her accomplishments. She is proud to have both of their heritages represented. And…it’s none of fiancé’s Fathers Business…
I can understand not taking his last name. I can understand being disappointed, but if he truly loves you shouldn’t be a deal breaker.
A man has no honor if the woman he joins to regards not his family name father to son
I didn’t take my husband’s last name. He never asked why or anything. But our children has my last and his last name in their names.
I’ve been married over 5 years and didn’t change my last name, I feel maybe he has too many insecurities to be worried about something as dumb as keeping your name
We have separate last names, my husband and I. If he really loves you he will let it go. If not … red flag.
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I actually had a really hard time giving up my maiden name. My family on my dads side had all girls and only one boy (my uncle) to pass the name along and it was hard for me to give it up. I did end up taking my husbands name but i do miss my maiden. This is a delicate decision because he wants you to become his wife. You have dreamt of the man of you dreams your entire life and he has dreamt of the woman he marries becoming his and taking his name and being Mrs. i think for a man it represents a certain level of pride to join his family and acceptance of him. As much as you want him to understand your position he is seeking the same level of acceptance from you. Find a way to make this work for the both of you. What’s wrong with having all of the names? You can be whoever you want to be. Sign your name with four initials!!! Best of luxk
How fragile is his ego? Honestly, if it bothers him so much, you both should have both of your names. Whatever you want, should be your choice. It shouldn’t be forced. If you compromise now, think about the things you’d have to compromise later on.
It’s your name if you don’t want to change it then don’t! It’s terrible that he is trying to make you change it. He just needs to respect your decision.
I kept my name, 36 yrs later we still in love, its not dad’s problem, its something you and your fiance has to figure out, oh and my husband never minded that I didn’t take his name.
I never changed my last name when I got married. But I still went by his last name on some documentation. There’s a marriage license that says we’re married. And if the doctor wants to call me by his last name. Do it. But I saved my last name.
I’ve been married for 8 years and never changed my last name because my oldest daughter has my last name and my husband is totally fine with it. I didn’t want her to be the only one with a different last name.
You can always hyphenate or move your current last name to your middle name and take his as your last. That’s what I did. Or if you don’t want to change it at all then don’t. It’s your name not his!
I got married and didn’t change my name. Why should you. Are you his property? It bugged the crap out of my ex! You are the one who has to do all the work changing everything to his last name. Keep yours!
I have been married twice and never took their last names and they didn’t have a problem with that. Why do I HAVE to? It doesn’t mean I loved them less, it means I’m proud of my heritage, my parents, the family I came from. I think it’s just his insecurity showing. Is it ownership pride? This is just my opinion.
I kept last name and hyphenated my kids. It doesnt make me less or more of a wife. I hold my vows just as serious. It’s a personal choice my husband has no issues with it. And my dad and husband have the same first name . So usually they call him Mr Vargas and he laughs and says that’s my father in law… my wife kept her last name… it doesn’t make him more or less of a husband either! 
I won’t change my last name if I get married! The only way I would change it is if I married my sons dad for my sons sake other wise I will
Not change it
What if you took your mother’s name as your middle name? You would still have it and he would be happy as well.
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I had this same argument 35 years ago when I got married, I caved. My daughter had to have the same conversation with her husband. Right now they are each keeping their last names until they can decide on a hyphen that they both agree too.
Big discussions should stay between Fiancés/ soon to be married! It makes things more complicated when other family members, internet things and ppl, and friends are involved.
Your mother father and your fiancé are all major parts of your life. It’s your husbands turn to shine as well. You could always hyphen and add his last name uniting all that’s important to you
I had my mother’s last name as well so I made it my middle name and took my husbands last name. I wanted to give him that even though he said he would be fine if I didn’t.
A compromise could be, continue to use your name in business and in your personal life use his last name.
This way you don’t have to legally change your name.
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What name will the kids have? Im my husband’s second wife and he couldn’t wait for me to change my name and wouldn’t agree to hyphenating it.
Maybe this is a situation ro compromise and meet in the middle. You can hyphenate your last name with his.
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I would have an issue but you could silently hyphenate, bit not use it publicly.
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I understand both sides. How about a compromise by either hyphenating your last name or just add his on?
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If you were married previously and have a child or children, then go ahead and keep the last name as a connection for the child when they are in school…but use your new married name as a hyphenated name…they should not object to that, or if your employment is solid with your maiden name then keep your parents names…they will get over it in time.
I took my exhusbands last name because I didn’t like mine and I still carry it for my kids. I told my bf if we get married that if I took his last name I would hyphenate it with my exs last name, I’m not giving it up because of the kids. And if I can’t hyphenate 2 married last names I won’t be talking his. It’s no one else’s business but yours since it’s you that has to change it
Keep your name if you don’t you will resent him forever! Trust me I made that mistake years ago but got my name back
Kids could have his name. I just never understood not talking their name or at least hyphenating it.
If your not willing to take his name maybe you shouldn’t get married.
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Archaic practice, IMHO. A personal choice that should be respected, by all.
It shouldn’t be a problem, I understand where you are coming from completely. To me it shouldn’t be a big deal. The big deal is you guys getting married and spending the rest of your lifestyle together…that’s all that should matter it’s just a name.
i removed my moms’s last name so I have my dads and husband ( at the time)
for me was not important, but don’t do what he wants you to do , do what feels ok in your heart either way he loves you, so it’s not a loose or win or him enmasculated, not everything is about him , in your case you are attached to your moms last name and means soo much, he has to think is not for him to decide .
The only reason i changed it was because my children would have his last name and while travelling would be a hustle explaining customs why I’m travelling with a child that has a different last name 
Do what feels right for you, not for your spouse or your father in law, probably is cultural, so just make sure you don’t gave in each time they are upset.
Would you be loved less for a last name ?
if so the issue is more of control than love or being emasculated … is almost a red flag .
Just think your pros and cons .
Some cultures are soo strict about that i hope is not your case.
If this is the fight before your married just wait for what is to come after. If he doesn’t respect your wishes now, it won’t get any easier later…
Just because your changing your last name doesn’t mean its gone forever.if you don’t want to change it and he wants you to change it then maybe don’t get married if the last name is a big deal to both of you then maybe you both shouldn’t get married. Its like this im sure when you have kids it will be a argument who’s name. Everyone wants the same last name as their kids. When i got divorced i couldn’t wait to go back to my last name but then i decided i wanted the same last name as my kids.
I kept my name. My husband understood that it was important for me to keep my family name it means something to me. My oldest daughter has my last name (highschool bf) and our 2 daughters have his. I dont believe in being subservient and giving up everything when you marry. My name is my identity its my history its my story it connects me to my ancestors too often women lose every piece of themselves in a marriage and i didnt want that i wanted a 50/50 partnership with my soulmate not to lose my identity in becoming a wife and mother of his children etc. Idk in 10 years he’s never once voiced that it bothered him when i first mentioned it he immediately said ok we never argued about it and were very open people so i know if it bothered him he definitely would have said so
I am honored to take my husband’s name and produce children to carry on his name!
Its not right for a man to take his wifes. The woman has to take the mans last name is been that way since adam and eve
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when I got married in the church I took his name in the eyes of God professionally and legally I still have my maiden name your social security number follows you don’t worry about it
You don’t have to change your name when you get married. You keep yours and he can keep his. A lot of drs and ppl in professions that have doctoral degrees don’t change their last names bc then EVERY THING would have to be changed.
I wish to heaven I would have kept my real last name. That taking your husband’s last name is so out of date. Please do what you want to, not what others say or you will regret it.
I have married and divorced and changing my name was the worst thing I ever did, I never changed it back and now I am remarried and my husband wants me to change it back to at least my maiden name but here in PA it is such a pain in the ass, back in the day women didn’t own anything or have bank accounts or driver’s licenses, the mortgage is in my name, I have my own bank account, both cars are in my name and I would have to get my info for the child support changed and I work during the day with the same hours as the Social Security Office. I might get to it but he will have to be patient and I will be going back to my maiden name.
You can keep all the last names and add his to your name. You won’t lose either name.
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I have a hyphenation in my name and it’s confusing as all can be with systems. I told my husband I wasn’t going to throw his name in the mix as well. He accepted it when I told him our kids could have just his last name
The name change is the least of your worries once you get married. It will be PLENTY of other things you will disagree on. I changed my name on our 10 year anniversary. Now that we have a child, it’s just easier everyone having the same last name. However, do what works for you. If there is no compromise now… I can almost foresee even more problems in the future. Pick your battles 
I don’t get why it’s such a big deal to him? Like who cares if you do, who cares if you dont. If your name is important to you then don’t change it. Plus it saves you the stress of trying what documents need to be changed and all the other crap that needs to be updated.
I have no advice. My daughter has my last name and her dads last name. If she were in your situation I guess I would tell her marriage is about compromise. When you love someone you need to be willing to compromise. Try explaining to him the sentiment about keeping your last name. He should not feel less of a man because you won’t take his last name. It’s a touchy situation. You could always have a legal name and the name you use when you sign things. My daughter has her legal name which is both last names but in school, in gymnastics she has them refer to her grammatically by my last name. She signs her checking account with my last name and that is her signature on her drivers license also.
I loved having my husbands last name. It was a easy choice I too was the only child with my mothers last name my grandfathers name. So i really thought about hyphenating my name or not changing it. But I dont know something about having the same name as my kids. Us being one family one name felt right. Especially in these times.
Hyphenate if you feel more comfortable doing that. Legally and on Facebook I am Ballard-Banuelos but in the majority of everyday life I am simply Ballard. My husband has no issues with it. Our boys names are hyphenated as well. When they are older they can decide to shorten it if they want.
Most people in my field don’t take their spouses last name or hyphenate because then citations get complicated. Literally do whatever you want.
When I got married I took my name added a hyphen and added his last name to the end
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What if you have kids? What would their last name be? I love that I hot my husband’s last name. You could hyphenate his last name and yours. If he loves you he should be cool with that. Im very old school and think I want the same last name as my husband and our kid.
Your name is just as valid as his. If you don’t want to change your name, don’t. If that’s a sticking point with him, maybe he isn’t the one for you.
I’m keeping my last name because of my grandpa. If my SO only cares about a name change, I wouldn’t be interested in getting married
My daughter whom is 11 has says for many year that when she get married her husband will need to take her last name.
Not sure where that comes from, I took my husbands last name and our daughter shares it. Suppose we will have to see what the future holds!
Do what makes you happy is my suggestion. I personal could not wait to take my husbands last name!
I didn’t change my last name for years after I got married. To us it was just a name. Some people never change theirs. It’s a personal choice.
It is a choice. As for me, if I did not wanted my husband’s last name, I would have been his roomie. I did use my maiden name as middle name. Only the first initial. But it is a choice and both have to agree to keep it civil
All the paper work a friend had to go through and the cost to do so caused her not to take on his name but she was older and had children when she married.
You could keep your mothers last name and hyphen it with his last name. Or take your mother’s name as a middle name and take his last name as yours. Ive seen that done before.
If you have kids what last name do you plan to give them? I’d personally want the same last name as my children.
Its good yall are talking about it now rather than after you’re married. Yall can both decide if this is a deal breaker for either of you.
You both have the right to feel however you feel about it.
I hyphenated mine. Sometimes my husband says something but I address and sign with just his. But legally I’m both. My daughter has his last name. And my husband understands y I choose this.
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I never changed mind. But I will also say I had my child before I got married also. I knew we didn’t want any children together. My father had all girls I wanted to keep my father’s name. My husband didn’t love the idea but he got over it🤷
Why cant he take your last name? Is he willing to change his for you? No? Tell him to quit being hypocritical
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I couldn’t wait to take my husband’s last name, but to each their own. Definitley something you both privately need to come to an agreement on. Who cares what FIL thinks.
I just got married last year. I changed my last name because we are together, as one. A United name.
Ok but if yall have kids whose last name will they get. He has a legitimate cause for being mad. He is going to want his kids to have his last name. I get wanting to keep your last name but will you give the kids your last name or his?
I didn’t take my husband’s and he actually taught of taking mine… I’m very proud of my name so that’s that… You shouldn’t have to if you don’t want to
My fiance doesnt care if I take his last name. It’s just tradition for a woman to take her husbands last name doesnt mean you have to do it. Dont let them pressure you into doing something you dont want to
To each their own. However, it is traditional to take the name of your beloved. When I marry I will. It shows I am his. I belong to him just as he does me.