My fiance lied about vaping: Advice?

Why does he have to quit just because you are? You’re the one who is growing a baby not him… this seems incredibly childish. You are about to have a baby, sure you can be upset he lied but he shouldn’t have had to be in a situation where he had to hide it in the first place. You have a lot more things to be worried about.

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Sounds like a toxic relationship. There is no trust. You both need to have a serious talk, or break up.

I get that you don’t want him vaping, but he is in fact your fiance and not your child.

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This is extreme. You shouldn’t demand him to stop, that’s you controlling. You can tell him to take it outside only

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He lied that’s what upsets you. Not what he is doing so yer you have reason.

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Vaping has been proven to be much safer than smoking.

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You cannot control
What anyone does in life. Stop trying

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I see red flags from both sides of this. The fact that you want to control what another person does and the fact that he wasn’t adult enough to have a conversation with you and make his own decision is very concerning. This is such a small and petty issue that it makes one wonder how a major issue would be handled by either one of you.

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The fact it’s a vape and not a cigarette should please you. Your reaction is why he kept it from you

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You both need to grow up. He’s not a child, you don’t get to control him like that. But he shouldn’t be lying and gaslighting you about it either.

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I think this is a “get reactions” post because I could swear I read the same one months ago.

I think you have every right to be upset about the lying, not the vaping though. Not saying vaping isn’t unhealthy but it’s the lying that would bother me.

Stop trying to change someone. Just because you chose to stop doesn’t mean he should have too as well. Maybe asking him to do it away from you and not around you as it’s triggering would seem like the best solution. He’s still his own individual. He should still be allowed to do things as an ADULT should. Stop micromanaging your relationship🤦🏻‍♀️
If this were my son, I’d tell him to leave. This is only the beginning of a controlling lifestyle🤷🏻‍♀️

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So let me get this straight. You were with him knowing he vaped, got pregnant knowing he vaped but because you’re pregnant you’re trying to force him to quit altogether? That is incredibly controlling of you and even though he shouldn’t have lied, it’s not like you really gave him any other option is it? I’m still trying to figure out how you couldn’t smell it on him tbh.

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This is the first lie. I would be paying attention to how much more he doesn’t take responsibility for. Every big deal starts somewhere. I remember when everyone told me I was overreacting. First it was a lie about cigarettes. Then it was a lie about cocaine. Several lies about several wrecked cars…then the paychecks started having errors. You decide when enough lies are enough. I hope you decide faster than I did.

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I let him keep smoking

My husband respected the fact i quit vaping during my pregnancies… of course I still had cravings… so he would do it at work - or outside- so out of site out of mind for me … of course I didn’t tell him he HAD to do that and certainly didn’t insist he quit too. He did it out of respect for me. I mean that’s how it should work I think

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Girl, marriage and motherhood is going to be rough for you. Pick your battles.

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If he wants to die from vaping let him, just don’t have it at the house

I know you’re upset because he lied but at least he’s not doing it around you and he is supporting you quitting (by the way kudos to you for quitting while pregnant) pick your battles. He’s not ready and you don’t want to control him like that. I know you’re heartbroken and your feelings are valid but don’t let this cause a huge upset, it’s not worth it momma

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You must be young. Listen its really not that big of a deal and your about to enter motherhood. You’ll soon realize that kind of thing really isn’t something to react this much about. Although yes he shouldn’t have lied but it sounds like he couldn’t have really told you the truth without you flipping out? As long as he’s doing it away from you I really don’t see it being that big of a deal especially if you were still letting him actually smoke?

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You just said you let him keep smoking? I feel like you’re just being chíldish tbh🤣

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The vaping is whatever be grateful he isn’t sneaking meth or something. But his shady ass mama helping him is what is worrisome! Yikes! Two adults lying and sneaking make me question the judgement.

Mind your damn business.

Yeah you need to get over it. :woman_shrugging:

This is on the extreme side. My boyfriend is still vaping after quiting cigarettes. He has been smoking for 10+ years. I think you really need to rethink what the issue you have with him is.

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Heartbroken? IF :clap: SOMEONE :clap: DOES :clap: SOMETHING :clap: WHEN :clap: YOU :clap: STARTED :clap: DATING :clap: THEM :clap: YOU :clap: ALREADY :clap: ACCEPTED :clap: IT :clap:

Let him make his own choices on his own & maybe he won’t lie about dumb shit. :woman_shrugging: Just because you are pregnant, doesn’t mean he is… Goodluck!

Dang the pregnancy super sensitive emotions are at an all time high this evening I see. :flushed: I don’t know what else to say. :walking_woman:t3:

How do you know he’s deleting calls and texts

Some of yall women are being hostile. People got too comfortable being rude on fb. Let’s not forget she’s pregnant and we mostly all get a little crazy during pregnancy.
I feel like her feelings are valid. Though my husband continued smoking and it was whatever. If she was struggling to quit, he should have supported that by quitting with her if thats what they discussed. I mean, yeah, she’s the one pregnant but she’s pregnant with his child. He could be more supportive.

So let me understand this. You found a vape under the bed, he gave you a bizarre story it was a friends, you KNEW he was lying already but “believed” it, find another vape and then have the audacity to say he’s been gaslighting you and lying to you? But you already KNEW he was vaping prior to that :woozy_face: I’m just confused why you’re mad when you knew about the bed situation and even said it yourself you know he’s lying and know he’s vaping.

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If you are trying to force him to make a desicion ofcourse he’s gonna hide it. How bout make him feel he can be open about it.

Wait what? Are you his partner or his mother?

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Damn girl! Get tf over yourself! It’s just a vape. What are you jealous that you’re pregnant and can’t smoke also? Grow up!

I’m so confused on so many levels about this post… So your pregnant and would rather him smoke cigarettes than vape??? I have really bad ADHD. Maybe I read that wrong.

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It’s just vape?! Hell be happy that’s all it is. Imagine your supposed to be spouse or kids father getting high on hard drugs or something. There is much worse out there. Is be greatful :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:

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Girl chill out. Yes he should not have lied but you being controlling like that isn’t cool either. You can ask him not to vape or smoke around you but you can’t make him stop all together. Especially if he’s keeping it far enough away you didn’t know.

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It’s a vape :roll_eyes: not crack

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A wee bit controlling

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stop putting him is a corner to where he feels the need to lie to you.

Be happy he’s not doing it in front of you. He obviously knew you was having a hard time quitting but ur doing for the baby so he’s decided to hide it from you. I think ur hormones are kicking in a little but seriously it’s not something to stress or be heart broken about. He’s obviously not ready to quit & he’s not the one carrying the baby so he don’t really have to. Be great full he is respecting you enough to keep it away from you

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I don’t care who you are, trying to control someone only pushes them to do it more…. Or leave. He’s a grown ass dude … treat him as such.

How would you feel if he told you what you can and can’t put in your body? Yikes?

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You let him keep smoking :woozy_face::sweat_smile:

Omg. Um you don’t make decisions for The Father of your Child. Women try to scold their men like children… they’ll walk or be unhappy

The people that say “HeS nOT pRegNanT” is ridiculous. Y’all agreed to be in it together. He not only went against that but lied repeatedly about it. That being said, he’s probably not going to stop. So you gotta choose if this is really a battle you want to have.

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That’s honestly not fair. You’re choosing to quit not him. It’s his life and choice. You need to just build the strength and courage to do that for YOURSELF. This sounds like you’re just cranky about wanting nicotine and taking it out on someone else

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Omg if this is the poor man’s crime I thinking you have far too much time on your hands give the bloke a break am stunned he’s still living there with you to be honest

It’s his lungs. If you don’t want it around the baby, then walk away. He won’t stop untill he wants to. He is an addict!

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So is ur issue actually with rhe vaping or the lying?
If the lying, why even put him in that position ?
He wants to vape hes an adult. It’s not like hes cheating or getting drunk and abusing you.
Does the vape cause you harm ? Him? Kids? If not then let the man vape ffs. Problem solved.

What the heck did I even just read?!:woman_facepalming:t2:

Omg that’s controlling af

Don’t control him. Let him decide.

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I think how I take this is you’re pregnant and you both used to vape and now you can’t and you were having a hard time not vaping, so you wanted it to be something you both went through together for your pregnancy. I get that. And now you feel betrayed because he’s not really even trying, he’s just trying to hide it from you. I get that too. It is upsetting, but if you were having a hard time, understand how hard it is for him too. And him trying to cut back in the time that you guys are actually together is still effort. Try to find some understanding.

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Girl, its your hormones …

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Choose your problems …… there is another saying but I can’t think of it …. Sounds like you are just creating more probs ….

Sounds like you’re driving yourself a little crazy, if he’s good to you, supports you doesn’t cheat, you got a keeper, I understand being upset by the lieing part, but other than that, let it go, if the smell bothers you, ask him to smoke outside

Vaping, oh no! Is that going to make him a lesser Dad? Chill girl

Let him vape? I don’t understand this. Sounds like you’re trying to control or change him. Just be glad he’s deleting messages from mom instead of a side chick.

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The fact you let him keep smoking doesn’t even make sense. Smoking does way more damage than vaping - but ok

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I’m stuck on “ I let him……” child please :rofl: you don’t allow a grow adult to do shit. He has a mom already. If I was your friend I’d tell you to calm your ass down with the drama,

Well u can’t control anyone else and seeing that he vaped when you met, he’s not in the wrong trying to make u happy and himself at the same time and maybe that’s why he vaped to release the stress of a woman down his back over some mediocre bullshyt!!!

Seriously??? Life could be so much worse…

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Stop trying to be his mom. There are worse things he could be doing (drugs, cheating, stealing) than vaping. You need to focus on the positives

Really, you won’t let him vape but “allow” him to keep smoking? Both are horribly unhealthy.

I’d be vaping if I was your man too.

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Just tell him not to do it around you it’s that simple!!!

You have every right to be upset. If you don’t have trust, it really shakes the foundation.

Are you a teenager? Good lord. Grow up.

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Leave that man alone and let him vape if he wants to. He’s not doing it in front of you. Hell I think I would vape too if I were him, you sound way too high strung to be around

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He’s an adult. Not a child. You don’t “let” him do anything

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Lol uhh what…

Why would you “let” him keep smoking but complain that he vapes?
Id rather it be the other way around. Least vapes don’t leave that horrible cigarette taste or smell…

And honestly quitting vaping or smoking is hard enough.
Shouldn’t force anyone to stop doing anything. If you have a hard time, don’t be around him when he vapes or smokes.

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Pick your battles honey.

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Maybe you should not have put in that position, I don’t know cause I don’t smoke but don’t loose your marriage over a vape yall have a baby on the way.I do know how pregnant women are and they do get a little cranky I do have 8 kids and 22 grandchildren. Take a deep breath and really think this through and his mom was wrong for hiding it but she is mom,must be a mom’s boy .good luck

Sounds like you made the choice for him. Also super confusing as to why he can smoke cigarettes but not vape? :woozy_face::woozy_face::thinking: makes no sense to me lol

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So, why do you not want him to vape ? Isn’t he a grown up? I get you don’t want him to but sometimes in life we need to understand that we are not our husbands/boyfriend’s mother but we are their spouse and if they choose to do it then they should. As far as the lying, well that sucks but maybe there’s more to that. I’m sorry, but I feel like telling him he can’t vape is controlling I’ve learned ppl are gonna do what they want if you don’t allow him he’ll find someone who does or keep lying

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You’re heart broken he vapes? Get a grip.

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He can’t vape because you’re having a hard time? :face_with_monocle:I feel like you’re gonna go straight back to it once you deliver anyways leave that man alone.

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Hes a grown ass man. Its his body his choice. Let him do what he wants. :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes: i wouldnt expect my man to stop smoking if i did. Him vaping is the least of your worries. At least he aint cheating and hiding that from yoy

Let him vape. Like you let him smoke over vaping when smoking is worse for the baby. Let him vape to quit altogether and then you both can be healthy

I mean I wouldn’t make a huge deal out of it. He’s an adult. As long as he’s not doing it in the house or car around your baby I don’t see an issue. This falls under choose your battles.

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It’s a vape, you’re acting like it’s crack

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If he can’t stop at least he should have guts enough to let you know.

Why would you ask him to quit? I quit smoking and I didn’t ask my fiance to quit.

He’s probably cheating to

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:joy::joy::joy: imagine 10 years from now your kid asking why mommy & daddy aren’t together & you saying because I wanted daddy to quit smoking cold turkey & I found out he vaped instead :roll_eyes: It’s probably at that point your kid will wanna go live with dad.

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Sounds like you got some serious control issues

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This is the weirdest post I’ve ever seen posted on here! Not trying to offend you but I had to go back and reread - this is something a mother would post regarding children - not their fiancé! I think you are completely overreacting and being ridiculous.

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I could understand if it was hard drugs or cigarettes that could harm baby, but it’s just a vape, which will not harm you at all. You gotta think guys stress during pregnancy too, so I would let him do it. Choose your battles, this is something small that I don’t think is worth fighting over. I get it, you’re emotional and it’s hard, I’m 28 weeks and get upset at my fiancé over stupid stuff occasionally but then I say sorry and make it up to him lol because I know it’s just hormones 90% of the time

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If he’s not doing around you then you have to let it go. You can’t parent your spouse - it never ends well.

This is stupid ass shit … hormones…lol girl wtf

Was he a smoker previous to this? Only reason I ask is, I was a smoker of 19 years & myself and my husband have now stopped smoking for 73 days now & vapes have helped so much. We don’t smoke them every day, just mainly when we drink alcohol or when we feel the need. We just have them available incase they are needed. But after 19 years of smoking cigarettes I personally think we are doing amazing. There is always a bigger picture. SPEAK TO HIM!!

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My problem wouldn’t be the vaping but the lying about it. But if you put him in 5he position where if he told you, you’d flip, I can understand him lying. Decide whats important to you.

Atleast his willy isn’t in someone else

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Vaping is wayyy better than smoking, lol.
Leave that man alone. He deserves an outlet for stress too.

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Why would you want him to smoke cigarettes but not vape? Cigarettes stink…at least vapes have no oders

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I fell sorry for your fiancé

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Might be a bit of the ol’ hormones, babe. I totally get being upset that you were lied to, that part is justified, HOWEVER: expecting your s/o to do something (or quit) because you have to is controlling. You’re allowed your boundaries, but he’s also allowed to decide whether or not to respect them. What you do next is your call.

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Pick your battles- is this the hill you want to die on? Is he cheating or doing drugs? Gambling or playing with porn? Let him vape for chrissake. He’s of legal age doing legal things that don’t affect you if he’s not doing it in the same area you’re in