My fiance saves rather than helps with finances

Is it unfair or am I being a little much, when I am constantly paying for child related items when my fiancé gets to ‘save’ said money yet has none when I’m completely down to my last pennies.
He purposely keeps money from me when he has more than I do. He’s unwilling to split bills.
It feels very one sided…
Is this enough for someone to feel the need to leave a relationship
4 years and 2 kids.
It was a fast relationship

14 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My fiance saves rather than helps with finances

In my opinion when you are in a serious relationship the bills and earnings should be shared. Even when my husband was just my boyfriend I would help him with bills if I was able to and vise versa. There is no my money your money. We both work and we both pay bills.

9 Likes

Ru run run,faster the better. IT WILL NOT GET BETTER. ONE DAY YOU CAN DO BETTER! I PRAY YOU GET OUT NOW NOT LATER!! YOU CAN MAKE IT, AND HE WOULD PAY FOR 4 KIDS IF THEY ARE HIS. WAKE UP NOW. MARRIAGE WANT CHANGE HIM FOR THE BETTER, BELIEVE ME.

7 Likes

It is classified as abuse. Run

8 Likes

Saving isn’t a bad thing if you’re saving for child emergencies but he should definitely be helping you with child care products.

If those are his kids you need to file for child support. It will force him to pay his share.

7 Likes

If you’re version is accurate he is extremely selfish and won’t change. Unless this is a new issue with him you should have left him two kids ago.

7 Likes

Tell him you have had enough of how he’s not splitting the bills and you have struggled & put up with it too long & had enough that you may as well be a single parent you have been this long doing it on yr own while he is feathering his own nest! Give him a chance if you think its worth trying or otherwise you have answered yrown question.

1 Like

Sounds like you’re a financee not a fiancee. :grimacing:

19 Likes

Tell him you want to split the bills and financial responsibilities 50/50. If he refuses… speaks in sassy x100 dump his ass!

Saving and NOT paying for family expenses would be reason to leave in my opinion. Do you plan to carry the load until he takes his savings and leaves YOU?

Leave or show him what it’s like to NOT have the necessities YOU provide.
No dinner meals, no toiletries, no cleaning and upkeep for HIM.

7 Likes

if things don’t change don’t marry him , leave him get your own spot and take him for child support. He’s probably savingbso he can leave you.

2 Likes

I think couples therapy is your only hope. Even then…. It’s not looking good. Those are some big, bright, neon red flags.

2 Likes

No, it is not enough to leave the relationship, if this were the only complaint. Is there more to the picture? Maybe you are stewing in silence, rather than leveling with him over the concerns. May I give you an example from my life? My husband always squirrels away some in his account. At times we would argue over it. But when unexpected bills or emergencies cropped up, he had the little money to keep us going. There is no perfect split of the monies. But yours could use some give and take. We have been married for 47 years. Glad we stayed. Good luck.

Speak to him? Me and my partner split our bills into a joint account, then we have our own money in our own accounts. I usually pay for our daughter including paying her nursery fees (but I also get the child benefit for her), but he then pays for family days out, stuff we want for the house, cinema, meals out ect….

I would sure give that relationship a lot of thought. Love is working together particularly when children are involved.

By now it should be a 50/50 partnership, pool money together, in a good partnership it’s our money, pay bills first together save some together. He sounds selfish and you are inableing him

I would discuss it with him first. Offer him the chance to try and make things better…then, if nothing changes, do what you need to do to feel better about your situation.

You need to let that man go girl! Get out and get over that. Find you a good man that wants to take care of you and your kids.

He may not be a good communicator and it could be innocent. I don’t think it is- but it could be. I know someone who was in this position, and they went to therapy and were able to talk it out. He ended up staying in therapy and addressing some issues he had with communication and fear of being homeless with children because apparently he went into the system as a child and she never knew that. I don’t know if any of this is possible- but ask him if he will go. It could strengthen your relation and really help him if there’s an issue. If not- why support a grown man and struggle? Time to go.

Have a big heart to heart. His behavior is alarming.
It likely won’t change

You are supposed to discuss finances before marriage. It’s not too late, though.

See the red :triangular_flag_on_post: :triangular_flag_on_post: flags don’t ignore them

1 Like

He is already showing you that you can do it on your own… With some struggles of course… But might as well take the trash out.

You don’t need another “kid”. To support.

Then your raising him

1 Like