Maybe decide whats more important. Another baby or him. Cant make someone want what they don’t want. I wasted so many years on men who weren’t worth it. I would’ve chose another child if I could go back.
You need to ask yourself whats more important to you. Having another baby or having a happy life with the family you already have. Hes made it clear he doesnt want anymore so I wouldn’t push the point. Either leave and have one with someone else or be greatful with the 1.
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I think he needs to be given more props he never wanted kids but still stayed around, he didn’t have to.
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How is HE the one not listening? I don’t get it. Repeatedly he told you he wanted ZERO kids. You got pregnant “accidentally” and he stepped up! Kuddos to him! He is still telling you he doesn’t want kids and once again YOU are ignoring his wishes and pushing the issue. He’s already proven he is willing to compromise for his family— are you?
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Some people just don’t want kids and he has been honest about it from the beginning. I’d honestly be more concerned that you have an 8 yr old, have been together 11 yrs and are still engaged.
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I think you need to make the very hard decision of whether you want to stay with your fiance or have another child with someone else. Unfortunately, there is no compromise when one partner does not want any children.
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I can’t really offer too much advice on how to get him to talk about wanting another kid when it’s clear he doesn’t want one.
What I can say is that I feel it’s wrong to try and force his hand into having another one. Just because he loves the son he has and is a great father, doesn’t mean this is the life he wanted for himself. And to force his hand could lead to him resenting you down the line.
On the other side of the coin, if you would resent him for not having another child - it may be time to evaluate what you want more in your life. Another child or a lifetime with the partner you have chosen.
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If you knew going into the relationship that he didn’t want kids and you at least got one out of him you should be thankful for that. I know it sucks but sometimes you have to sacrifice things for the other person especially if he told you going into it he didn’t want kids.
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Its a shame on ur boy .he’s not gonna have any nephews or neices or faimily and when ur gone he’s gonna be alone. .id try again. Or find somebody who does want to have more
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His intention on children was extremely clear, you both agreed and understood, but “accidentally” a child was delivered.
He has made the best of his current situation by choice. However, your desire to forcefully introduce another child and use son to manipulating wanting a sibling will be detrimental for you, your son and family. He will leave.
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Welp you knew he didn’t want kids in the beginning. Just because he’s a great dad and loves the one you have doesn’t mean that changes anything. Just consider yourself lucky and enjoy the fact that he stepped up and became a good dad when y’all had one by accident. If this is something that will make you resent him if y’all don’t have another kid then end the relationship. Otherwise stop asking and just enjoy y’all’s life!
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Children are a two yes decision. You went into the relationship knowing that he didn’t want one much less another.
You have to decide if this is enough that you two shouldn’t be together.
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Stop mentioning it. You will lose. For one you have been together for 11 years with a 8 year old, not married. So if you keep pressing the issue it would be easy for him to leave cause there is really no commitment to keep him there. Shut up and hope he marries you one day.
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In all honesty, quit while you’re ahead. He didnt want any in the first place and now you have one. He’s telling you all you need to know when he shuts down the conversation. Don’t make him resent the life you have built. If he changes his mind then great but it doesn’t sound like he wants to add to your family.
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You stated that “your fiancé never wanted kids” so technically you’re the one being selfish. I say accept it.
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What isn’t civil about the discussion? You knew he didn’t want kids from the beginning so I wouldn’t be too shocked. After all your son is 8. That’s a huge gap in age and basically like starting all over. I probably wouldn’t have wanted to start all over either. I think u have a right to want more kids but don’t have a right to try to force him to want more kids.
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Personally I feel 11 to 12 years is a huge gap for another sibling. The idea of a pet is a wonderful idea! However, the fact you both are still fiancé and not yet married is a bit of a red flag… you have to be honest with your self and decide what it is you truly want. Do you want to be with this man for the rest of your life and no more children? Or would you be happier calling the engagement off and finding someone who wants to have more children with you. Whatever you choose will have an impact on your son too. Extremely tough decision. I wish you luck! 
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My husband actually didn’t really want kids due to the fact that we live in a very messed up world. But when we had our first pregnancy scare, he was kinda bummed to find out I wasn’t pregnant. Then we started to try for a baby. And now we have two kids. If your fiancé is set on never having anymore kids, I’d just leave it at that tbh. He won’t change. I agree with just being happy that you have at least your son. If not, then you might just have to find someone else if it’s that important to you.
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You cannot force people to change their mind and even though you want one really bad… You will have to respect his wish as well. But thats just what i think. Prayers either way.
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Dont force a man to have a baby, he was man enough to step up to it when it happened but he seems sure he doesnt want more and forcing him wont do any good for anyone. It also sounds like you went into the relationship well aware and in agreement with not having kids so at this point asking for one isnt the greatest thing.
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Ah babes he don’t want kids, he has been honest … maybe your son will have some and you’ll be nanny, it’s a tough one but ultimately it’s all on you he has made his feelings pretty clear
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Truthfully, you sound very selfish. It seems that what you want takes precedence over what he has repeatedly told you his feelings are. Simply because he has taken responsibility for the surprise that entered his life does not mean that he wants more children and you trying to change him is no different than a man trying to force you to have a child when you dont want one. Its wrong and inconsiderate.
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I think you may be wasting your time and heartache. He just doesn’t want another child. I was there at one point in my life; he just didn"t want any kids, so I left.
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If you want another and he does not then you either accept that you will always have 1 child or leave the relationship to look for someone who could offer you another child. But either way it sounds like you’ve had lots of civil conversations and he has voiced that he doesn’t want any more children. You can’t talk him into it. He either wants it or he doesn’t and expecting someone to change is a huge mistake. Accept or leave.
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Are you gonna be happy with just one child? If so then don’t push and respect him but if you think you will still want one in the next few years then you’re only giving yourself reasons to resent the man you love. Yes having one child is fine but it all depends on what is gonna make you happy. I don’t think your son wanting another sibling is because he has heard you say it, I believe children already know what they want and if that’s what he is telling you then that’s what is gonna make him happy to. Sooner or later you are gonna have to choose yourself and your happiness above the rest and it’s best to do it sooner rather than later. Later will bring resentment from yourself and maybe even both sides. But that’s just my opinion. I have one child and I haven’t ever told her I wanted another but she always asked for one. Her dad gave her 5 other siblings and now she knows why I only wanted her but she loves her brothers and sister and she understands where I was coming from. It’s all up to you. Besides this is your life too. Why should you be unhappy just to make him happy? In my eyes that’s not an equal relationship. But like I said this is just my own opinion and I mean no offense.
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And you’re stuck on what you want too … don’t give a good man a choice when he’s good to you , you have a son , they have a great relationship - I wouldn’t rock the boat 🚣♂️
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My friends ex husband repeatedly said he didn’t want kids and she stopped taking her bc and had a baby anyways, she was always upset he didn’t make childcare a priority in his life and they eventually split up, got together again she got pregnant… 2 kids later she can only get him to take his boys on his time period and he doesn’t do more than what he has too. If he doesn’t want kids don’t have kids or you could be raising them alone.
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It seems to me he already compromised and is a great father.
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If you knew from the jump he didn’t want kids and you did and managed to have a kid even on birth control I say you already kind of hit your compromise. If you really do want another one it may be time to look for a relationship elsewhere.
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11 years as a fiance, I think you answered your own question.
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You knew he didn’t want kids and you got pregnant regardless. He stayed but maybe abit resentful even though you say he loves your boy.
Second time may be the straw that breaks the camels back.
Think this one out and maybe sit down and talk it out with your fiance of 11 years. If no marriage yet that might be a red flag too.
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These “just stop taking your birth control” comments are disgusting. You don’t get what you want by manipulating other people into it. Grow up.
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Sounds like hes made the best of something he didnt plan for already and the fact thats you’re asking him to do something again that he didn’t plan or want to do the first time he probably is starting to resent you and feel that you don’t care about him and what he wants. I’m not usually an advocate for splitting up a family but if it’s that important to you and he absolutely doesn’t want it then that is a major Cornerstone that could make or break a relationship. I know it’s disheartening that he shut you down instead of listening but sometimes when someone is Dead set and absolutely sure about something they’re doing someone a favor by telling them not to waste their breath the thing you need to think of this how important is it to you because no matter if he listens or not you can’t force it on someone and then have them still be the person they were before you did that
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You knew he didn’t want kids. He has already taken a huge sacrifice in what he wants to raise your son.
Don’t try to pressure him it’s his sperm his choice.
You knew from the get go 
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I never talked to my husband nor asked for his opinion. I had four and he found out once I went to the doctor and confirmed. We raised two lawyers, a nurse, and a CEO. We just had our first grandson. My husband didn’t want any more after the first one. It’s been 38 years and he thanks me every day for our four kids. My four kids are each other’s best friends. They call home every day and come home on Sundays for family day. They also all vacation together. If they are invited to an event, they all go together, lol.
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Girl 11 yrs n u called him ur fiance seriously do you think that he’s committed after 11 years and you’re still not his wife you could have kids or somebody that doesn’t mean that they give a f*** maybe it’s just convenient to be with you and the fact that you had a baby yeah he loves his baby but he’s not willing to risk it again you need to find someone who’s going to love you and want to have as many kids as you want
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I may be the odd ball here but you did have a child together. You shouldn’t disregard his wants even after you had a child together. You sound like only your biological wants matter.
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Probably don’t want to hear this but maybe he shouldn’t be your fiancé? If having another baby is important to you and not having another baby is important to him then maybe you two should invest in people who want what you want
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You have to respect his feelings. He was honest from the beginning, stepped up when he became a dad. Feel blessed for that.
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You can’t really fault him - he was clear on not wanting kids. He’s made the best out of a situation that presented itself, and thankfully has embraced it and is a loving father. You can’t force him to want more. If you knew from jump that you wanted kids and he didn’t, you needed to make a decision if you were willing to live with that. At least you have one, enjoy it.
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You were with him knowing that he never wanted kids and you guys still had one. Why push more children?
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The father of my first child only wanted one kid. When he got with his fiancé she got pregnant and now he wants 5. Idk how this helps you but it’s possible for him to change his mind. 
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You say he wont hear you out but you arent listening to him either. He didnt want any kids and you have 1.
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He’s already compromised once, and the fact that he’s still with you and active in your sons life is a testament to how good of a man he is, you trying to force a second baby on him would be selfish and inconsiderate. Have you asked him why he never wanted children?!? Regardless of the reasons he still now has one, now it’s your turn to compromise and BOTH of you need to figure out an age appropriate way to explain this to your son, if this is a breaking point for your relationship you may want to keep this in mind, either way one of you are going to end up resenting the other and can potentially cause your child you have now to resent you both
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Okay, seems like you need talk to HIM and tell him straight up you want another child. If he doesn’t then. You will have to make the choice of wether you will be happy still later in life. I want you to think about something though. What is the reason you’d like another child? Are you just lonely and want someone to take care of? I know it’s hard when the kids grow up but think they all grow up and become independent from you at some point. 
Anyway, sorry lol I’m being a little reflective. Lol because I sometimes THINK I may want another baby but… lol Good luck?
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He might feel like one is enough. He can give EVERYTHING to the one. & Be a great dad. I say if it happens it happens.
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Hate to be that person, I haven’t read any of the other comments, but you signed up for this. You’re lucky you have your son if in fact he told you to expect 0 children from him.
I’d stop trying to force your wants on someone who gave you a clear path they wanted to be on. Sounds like he’s a pretty stand up dude if he already took to one child and still does right by him and you.
Good luck.
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Either accept that you aren’t having kids. Or go be with someone who does want them.
If you force him to have a baby he doesn’t want, he may not be good to them, might even resent the child. I know from experience
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After 11 years of being together, having an 8 yr old and still his fiancee, seems he gets what he wants. If you want another child id be moving out of that relationship and finding a partner that wants children.
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11 years is a long time to be waiting girl, unfortunately it’s sad but you can’t change anyone especially a man, they are set in their ways and thoughts. It may be time to get in a serious conversation, all I can say is luckily y’all aren’t married yet.
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He told you the truth from the beginning despite what everyone thinks you can not change someone just because you want them to be different… Either be happy with what you have or leave to find someone who wants kids.
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I mean you knew he wanted zero kids when u met him & chose to date him. You got pregnant anyways and kept the kid knowing he didn’t wanna be a dad and he still stepped up and is an amazing dad to a kid he never wanted… why would he sign up for another one. I’d be happy he didn’t run when u got knocked up the first time knowing he didn’t want kids ever. If u knew u wanted more then one kid maybe u should have went for a man who actually wanted kids.
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Leave him be. He doesn’t want one, respect that. Its been over 11 years u’ve known this. He had to have stated his reason why to u already.
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I’m glad hes being honest and if hes a good dad he knows his limits like all good moms do I wouldnt put more on my plate than I can carry I believe its because he knows he can meet the demands he has now and can handle and tolerate all his responsibilities meaning he feels good where hes at, adding more can become burdening and overwhelming especially if he has other goals he wants to be met I wouldnt say give up but I’d say maybe find your in between you guys can meet halfway
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I’m my opinion this was never the man for you since you clearly wanted two different things when it came to a family. If he’s done having kids you have to respect since he was upfront about it from the beginning. If you love him and want a life with him then I would appreciate what you have and move on.
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You shouldn’t try to force or convince someone into having children. If you really want a child then he’s not the one for you and move on
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I can’t believe how many responses I’m seeing saying to give up what you want and hope he actually marries you. Wow. No. Never settle for something that is going to make you unhappy. If you want more kids, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your situation/relationship and decide which one is more important to you. If it’s more kids you ultimately want, then maybe it’s time to move on to someone who wants the same thing. If you can be happy without more kids and want to stay in this relationship, then do that. But ultimately it’s what’s best for you and your child that’s important.
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You said he’s stuck on what he wants… Sounds like you’re also stuck on what you want. You guys already have a kid when he said he didn’t want any so you already have a compromise. Even if it wasn’t intentional
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You can’t try to make him to see your point of view of wanting another kid. Just be thankful that your have the one the two of you have already. You knew from the beginning that he didn’t want kids. It’s best to not keep bringing it up it push it any further if he keeps ending the conversation when you bring it up about having another kid. If it truly means that much to you on having more children, then it might be in the best interested with the two of you to move on and find the person that does want kids.
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I think he did hear you out. He embraced being a father even though he didn’t want to be. You knew he didn’t want kids, you wanted two he wanted 0 one is a good compromise. I feel like you won’t hear him out and alls you are stuck on is what you want instead of considering your partner and his feelings when you knew very well from the beginning that that is not what he wanted. Honestly in my opinion You sounds like your not self aware and incredibly selfish. The man does NOT want anymore kids. Be thankful for what you have and leave the man alone or well… leave the man alone… and if you do that I think that says a lot about you… he stayed when he didn’t get his way. So what because now your not getting yours it’s a problem? Sad really… hope you don’t tear your family apart over a baby, I’m sure your kid would rather have their parents together then a sibling, just saying… rant over 
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I don’t know what type of advice to offer, my ex didn’t want children either. He told me from that start too. We have a beautiful 1 year old who we both love dearly.
Of course I want more children but he does not. I respect that even know it’s upsetting at first but I have my daughter and that is more and enough for me. Be happy with what you have, your family and one day you’ll be married! Appreciate what you have now.
Ohh and please don’t “stop taking birth control” because that will be the worse thing you can do.
Again appreciate what you have now, wish you guys the best! 
Don’t push him if he didn’t want kids be happy that u have one child and that he is a good dad some people who don’t ever want kids aren’t good parents even if it does happen because they just didn’t want them. I’m kind of in the same situation but the other way around I have 2 and don’t want more my partner is from a big family and would love heaps more but not going to happen with me
Have another kid by yourself (not by him unless that’s what you wish ) , both children may be better off , don’t live according to someone else’s plan & don’t love with boundaries. Unconditional true love. Or self love 
you’ll be just fine dear … let him go
He can still be a great co-parent …, divide holidays & weekends , not your soul
I’m surprised how many are telling this lady she was lucky her partner stuck around and stayed with her after she fell pregnant, all because he told her he didn’t want children! 
Saying you don’t want children doesn’t mean you have a get out card and can abandon your responsibilities. Say it was the other way around and the mother didn’t want children and the father did, but she fell pregnant, would it be ok for her to leave him and her child? #ittakes2 #doublestandards
Rather than asking him for more kids, ask what kind of future he wants for you both. this might enlighten you to why he doesnt want more kids. Its a great conversation that can allow you to create goals together that you can work toward and be proud of. You can tell him you always wanted more children than the one you have, but it doesnt sound like he will change his mind. At some point you’ll have to respect his decision on that or decide if your desire for more kids is greater than your desire to be with him.
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I was engaged for 10yrs before we got married we had 2 kids when he popped the question it could be funds that’s hard to. We now have 3 kids and married almost a yr been together 15 almost 16 yrs.
If he didn want kids and u have a son with him now and I know it’s not as simple but u have one if he didn want them I would consider this an amazing gift.
Do you know why he doesn’t want children? How did he react to when you first became pregnant? Understand why before making any decision.
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I heard a story similar to this from someone that they talked about it he agreed but soon after the deed was done he didn’t want another. Well she was ovulating and knew she was pregnant a few weeks later she got a positive. Her husband is happy now they have their girl and the boy.
I agree with many of the comments here. No means no, especially since he stated his feelings from the get-go. It’s actually so awesome that he is a great dad to the kid you two already have! If you have the baby fever maybe see if he is open to adopting a little rescue puppy for you instead.
You knew what you were getting into and you’re lucky you have 1 kid given he wanted none. Count your blessings.
You shouldn’t have began a relationship with someone who has different values.
Everyone is saying you should respect that he doesn’t want anymore, but he should also respect that you do. Sounds like you two needs to have a serious conversation and maybe reevaluate the future if you can’t agree one way or the other. 
Stop bugging him when hes made it crystal clear that he doesnt want more kids. It is almost like this discussion you want to have so badly is for you to get a chance to change his mind because his answer is something you dont like. Stop being selfish and accept what hes been telling you since day 1.
I wouldn’t keep asking him. Knowing that he didn’t want any to begin with and stayed after having one. I wouldn’t say an “oops” child. More of a miracle child. If it is meant to happen. It will happen again like it did the first time.
You knew from the start he didn’t want kids, the one you have was a blessing, but you can’t force someone to have children when you knew from day one their feeling about it. I’m sorry it’s not an easy thing to deal with but you knew that.
You cannot change his mind for him. If he doesn’t want more kids, he doesn’t want more. That’s not up to you to tell him what he wants. What you can control is you- decide what is more important to you- keeping your family and fiancé as they are, or leaving and having more kids with another partner.
How about taking his feelings into consideration, especially since you knew he never wanted children? You have one. Please don’t push him to have another. It won’t end well for anyone.
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He didn’t want any kids so it sounds like one kid is a good compromise 
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Be happy you got your first in the first place being he never wanted kids. He’s a miracle for you both. You’ll be a grandma one day, stay strong 
He said from the very beginning that he didn’t want kids. If you MUST have more kids & that is a deal breaker for you, then you should probably move on. As tough as that might be. You shouldn’t waste any more of your time, or his time. & You shouldn’t try to force him to do something he has been upfront about not wanting to do since the beginning. I wish you all the best
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While you should be able to have an open conversation about it, your fiance was clear in the beginning and while I know it hurts your feelings, you have to respect what he wants as well.
My fiancee is the same way i have a child from my previous marriage and he’s like a dad to him, but I just had a positive pregnancy test and so he may be having one of his own, and tbh he doesn’t know how to feel about it, I think it’s just harder for men to give up freedoms to have children, as women were kinda taught from a young age to be maternal and want babies where as men are taught to live their own lives, and you do have to give up freedoms for your children at least for a few years in the beginning (not that it’s a bad thing, it’s just something we as women accept before we have children)
Its not fair to push him he didn’t want kids you knew and know this. Be happy you have your miracle child and get a puppy
To be fair you both need to have an honest conversation but if you go in trying to change his mind or him yours then that’s a problem. I personally would shut my husband down QUICK FAST AND IN A HURRY if he brought up another kid. I love my 3 but I am absolutely 210% done and never want another. Period. He has every right to not want any more it’s up to you to decide if that’s something you can live with or not.
Mine gave in to my plea for another kid, then we divorced after she was 1. Good luck in whatever you choose to do, but if he doesn’t want another… Don’t force it.
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You’ve been together 11 years and he is still your fiancé. It sounds to me like he’s avoiding commitment. Really voice your feelings to him that he is shutting you down without considering your feelings, and hopefully things will work out. But if you want more kids and he doesn’t and you two can’t mutually fulfill each other, perhaps it’s time to find someone new.
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Part of going into a marriage is sacrifice. He didn’t want any children form the start which you knew. You guys ended up with a son he took on the responsibility even though he didn’t want a child. Pushing him to have anther could result in the relationship ending. Why push it when he could have been that jerk that didn’t want kids and left you a single mom after you got pregnant. Be grateful he stayed and loves your son and supports him.
Another child now is like having one. The separation in age is so big that it will end up the older will love the child but be frustrated at the time he loses with you. Two of my children did this 9 years and eight years apart. Not what I think your looking for.
He didn’t want kids period and it’s not your decision alone. If u knew he didn’t want kids but knew u did then how can u even be mad at him it’s his choice too and pressuring him and trying to give ultimatums at all is just going to further problems and make him resent you
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He’s been upfront about not wanting kids. You chose to marry him anyway, knowing he didn’t want kids. You got pregnant on birth control, he stepped up and took responsibility, good on him. I personally think you shouldn’t be upset for something you’ve known for at least 11 years.
I think it’s goes without saying, he told you way before how he felt! Now understandably you have one child together so your mind set is what’s one more, for someone who never wanted them in the first place one more may make it or break it for him! I don’t think it’s fair that just because he stepped up 8 years ago and did the right thing, that he should be judged or shamed for his thought of not wanting more now, the bigger picture is HE NEVER wanted a baby to begin with… so being forceful with him isn’t going to get you anywhere.
What the majority are saying… my bf and I have had the discussion before. I made it clear on date 2 that I never planned to have kids but instead adopt. He said he understood and thought that was a wonderful idea, now he is on me saying that I “shut it down” “won’t consider it” and I " don’t care about what I want" … iv known and thought this subject for years im 27yrs old.
I made it known immediately to avoid this and he seems to have just said what I wanted to hear and thought he could change my mind later… 
Why is it forcing his hand if you want one, but not forcing his hand if you don’t?
In the end it takes 2, but I also don’t get why he is still just a fiancé and you have an 8 year old together, if you really want to have a second you wont ever regret having another child, many people go on and regret not having more.
He doesn’t want kids. Point blank. He has made that clear. It is unfair of you to expect him to change his mind on a lifetime commitment
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I don’t think it would be right to force him into the conversation when you knew that he never wanted children to begin with. Now he took it like a man!!! or human being, or good parent however you look at it, and he stood up and took care of and loved that baby and is raising him. Good on him! Because some men do walk away when they don’t want children and you get pregnant. I know from experience. So to ask him to do it again really just isn’t fair. He told you how he felt in the first place. Maybe you should think your lucky stars for the one and not push for any more. I am 46 with an almost 15-year-old. my ex wanted me to start over. I said no. That’s what I meant.
He doesn’t have to “be open to discussion” about it or change his mind. He was upfront from the beginning. However, it sounds like she was upfront too. If it’s a deal breaker for her, leave the relationship.
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You knew he didn’t want children when you first got together? If so…Im m sorry but clinging to hopes of him changing his mind is you setting yourself up for dissapointment. Wishing doesnt make it so.
If you want more children- and your fiancé does not… then you must draw the line in the sand my dear… one side =more kids not married to current fiancé
Other side= marry said fiancé and have no more children.
Having children is a drive inside of us that cannot be dampened… but follow your heart and have no regrets. It’s your life. Fiancé doesn’t want more… that’s his line in the sand.
Believe me if he doesn’t want another kid don’t force it on him. I had 1 and he was great but didn’t really want anymore I had another one than another and he was never a father to them and they saw it
I don’t want another kid and it would anger me to the point of leaving if someone kept bringing it up & not respecting what I want at all
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Your choices are accept having one kid or end your relationship and start over with someone who does want kids.