A little back story, my fiance never wanted kids, and I was on birth control when I got pregnant with my son. Our son is almost eight, and he’s a great dad, and our son is always his priority; he loves him very much. We’ve been together 11 years, and lately, I’ve thought that I want another baby. I’ve always wanted two kids, our son keeps asking for a sibling, but every time I bring it up to my fiance, he shuts me down and says he doesn’t want any more kids. I feel like he won’t even hear me out. He is just stuck on what he wants; it just makes me upset that we can’t have a civil discussion about this. I guess I was hoping he would change his mind after we had our son, but it doesn’t seem that way.
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You have a reason why he hasnt committed to the union in. 11 years? Maybe thats the answer
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I left my husband because he changed his mind on having kids. But happily skipped away with his green card he got off me (assuming this was his whole point in the marriage now)
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Just like you he wants his own way. He has the right to have his own decisions.
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You knew he didn’t want kids before you got engaged. If you’ve always wanted multiple kids, then this is something you should have considered before agreeing to marry him. You don’t get to upset with him because he’s sticking by what he’s wanted from the beginning.
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You answered your question in the very first line. He never wanted kids. I think its wonderful that he stepped up and is a wonderful parent when yall got pregnant but that doesn’t mean that he has changed how he feels. You say he won’t hear you out, but are you listening to him? He wanted none and you wanted two. One sounds like the definition of a compromise but if you have your heart set on a second then maybe you need to evaluate which is more important to you. This relationship or another child
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He never wanted kids and you knew that going in.
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You knew he never wanted kids. His mind hasn’t changed and it wont. Either except it or move on
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Seems like he was pretty honest with you from the start but he should be able to have a convo about it. You have some pretty tough questions to ask yourself, he was pretty clear with you…
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He has been honest from the get go. I don’t see how you can be upset with him for being the same person you agreed to marry.
It’s great that he embraced your son, but you’re asking something he was completely clear he never wanted.
Why someone that wants kids ever agrees to be with someone that doesn’t is beyond me
That seems like a pretty big deal breaker.
If you thought he was going to change his mind, that’s on you. 
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You decided to stay with him when you knew he didn’t want kids. So why would you expect him to want to have kids… doesnt make much sense.
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He was honest with you from the start when he told you that he never wanted kids…he compromised with the one you have.
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Don’t try and over paint someone’s true colors. If the men ain’t ready don’t force him.
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If he never wanted kids and you did that is a HUGE deal breaker. Shouldn’t have even begun the relationship. You got lucky he is actually stepping up for your first child but don’t push for another. That is unfair when you knew how he felt to begin with.
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He made it clear to you that he never wanted kids. Suck it up or move on.
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You knew he didn’t want kids from the beginning. Just because you had one and he’s a great dad doesn’t mean he changed his mind.
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I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to bring another kid into this crazy world either!
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He never wanted children and you knew that. He’s stepped up with a surprise baby. But how is it fair to force more children upon him and it’s not fair to the kids either.
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You knew he didn’t want kids. Why are you shocked that he still doesn’t want kids… if you did,he didn’t, and it was honest from the get go, why are you staying with someone trying to force them to do something they don’t want.
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Starting over with a newborn is a daunting idea. I would drop it. Have some wild sex because you can now, without waking up the baby… Your uterus is flexing-ignore her!
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He told you from the beginning he didn’t want kids. Not sure what else you were expecting🤷🏼♀️
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You knew he didn’t want kids. You honestly should have ended it before you got pregnant with your first.
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I feel like if you knew he never wanted kids, but you did, and you continued the relationship anyway… is a huge red flag. You can’t change his mind, just like he can’t change yours. Maybe you two should re-evaluate the relationship. If you really want kids, find someone who shares the same want as you? When I met my s/o, one of the first things we talked about as a couple was do we want kids? How many? Having a large family always was a want of mine, same as him.
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You knew from the get go he never wanted kids.
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He never wanted kids. He accepted that you two had become parents accidentally. He already told you how he felt so either you stay with him and have no more kids or find someone else to have kids with.
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If he doesn’t want anymore kids after he didn’t want them to begin with you need to respect that.
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He never wanted kids. He told you that. That’s a deal breaker. If I wanted kids and the man I was seeing didn’t I wouldn’t try to change his mind but rather move on. It’s unfair to him to try and change him or force him
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You aren’t upset that he won’t hear you out. You’re upset because you can’t change his mind.
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Same thing with my husband he didn’t want anymore kids. He has 2 from a previous marriage… they are great kids and I love them very much. They are now 13 and 11yrs old. I found out I was pregnant… I’m 22wks now… my husband is so exited. We have been together for going on 9yrs. It took a long time for him to be ok with having another one. Maybe your husband just needs more time.
He didn’t want kids and you knew that. You got a blessing and he stayed and became a dad (even though he didn’t want too) Get a pet. A dog/cat/gecko/snake whatever. You can either live with what he wants (if you live him enough) or leave. My husband and me discussed having kids he wanted 4!!! I said 2! Once the second got here he changed his mind and said 2 is enough even though I was willing to give him his big family he wanted. But we love each other and have been happily married for 13 years
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Why would you want to pressure him and possibly push him away? If he’s a great dad to your son then please be happy and grateful for that 
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I wouldn’t bring another child into this sick world either.
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if he doesn’t want one he gets to make that decision and it’s not necessary to have a conversation about more. if you want more and he doesn’t you’re incompatible, leave.
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You committed to him and KNEW he didn’t want kids. Don’t try to make him feel like the bad guy here. You shouldn’t have stayed with him if you wanted another kid that bad.
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You entered into this relationship knowing he did not want children. You got one. You need to decide if that’s a deal breaker or not, if it’s not then looks like you’ll have one child. I only want my one child.
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I mean…what’s he gonna “hear out”? He didn’t want kids. Had a kid. Stepped up to his responsibilities and now knows EXACTLY what having a kid is all about. Doesn’t want another one. I think you should appreciate what you have imo.
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You said he never wanted kids. I would be content with the 1 you already got. You knew what it was from the beginning
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With all due respect you knew he didn’t want kids in the beginning. You can’t force him to change his mind. If he just gives in for you when he really doesn’t want one he will resent you and the kid. Has he given you an explanation? I’m sure he has valid reasons for his decision.
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He was honest with you from the start that he didnt wanna have kids. You cant be pissed off about it he told you he didnt wanna have kids. You got lucky and had one… If you wanna have more kids then you may wanna go find someone else that wants kids.
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He didn’t want children in the first place. Don’t push it. X
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Seems like he is pretty clear on what he wants and it never changed if this was discussed before even having kids then if you couldn’t accept that part why proceed? Can’t change him but seems like he is ok with one I wouldn’t push it I know how it feels to want a second child but sometimes you gotta make due with what you got
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No you’re upset abt him not wanting anymore kids when he never wanted them in the first place so you’re not upset that he won’t discuss it when he’s told him from the jump he didn’t want none so be grateful he even stuck around when you got pregnant with your son honestly. Either accept that your son is going to be an only child or leave n find someone who wants to have kids. I highly doubt he’s going to change his mind. I truly hope you won’t be trying to get pregnant either and tbh I hope he’s using a condom cause honestly for some odd reason I can see u getting pregnant on purpose cause u want another one so bad
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My question is why get with someone who didn’t want kids but you did ? Been there but I hope you guys ca figure something out tho
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Well you knew he didn’t want kids and if things were the opposite way around would you want him to keep trying to convince you when you have said you didn’t want to from the beginning.
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My ex knew kids was a deal breaker when he already had two. Be careful with this cuz after I got pregnant with our second he made an appt for a vasectomy. No conversation no nothing then threw it in my face “I already gave you one more than I said I would” our daughter wasn’t planned either
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you are lucky that he stayed after u got pregnant…just as u want what u want.he also has a say! respect it… u have 1 hild…he thankful cause he will leave u
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It goes both ways.
Why should you get the life you want and he gets nothing??
And im saying this with complete sensitivity.
Theres a show called greys anatomy and christina and owen hunt go through this exact scenario. He knew from the beginning she didnt want kids and he convinced himself she would change her mind because she was “too young” to make that sort of decision
Theres even an episode it shows what life would be like if christina gets what she wants and they never have kids and it shows if owen gets what he wants and they have multiple.
In both cases they end up resenting eachother and extremley unhaply with their lives. And she leaves him because she loves him so much she wants him to be happy.
If you think hes selfish for not willing to have more kids that makes you just as selfish for wanting more when he doesnt.
He told you when you met he didnt want kids and you stayed with him hoping some day he would change his mind because now a days in society everyone thinks you need children to be happy and have a fufilling life.
The people saying he needs more time are wrong.
Thats the same as saying you need more time to decide to not want kids. Neither one will happen.
Some people dont want kids.
Some people dont change their minds.
And if its that big of a problem then leave him if you need to but don’t pressure him to have more.
He will grow to resent you and them.
He stayed around for the first one and he loves him…that rarley happens in those types of situations.
You should be grateful for what hes already given up instead if expecting him to give more.
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If children were and still are important to you and not to him then why did you even stay with him long enough for him to become a father in the first place? That seems odd to me. If y’all weren’t on the same page then why would you stay with him hoping to change him. That seems unfair to him in my opinion.
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He was honest from the get go. No kids yet still had a child with you. He’s not stuck on it. That was his choice that he shared from the beginning. You’re not mad at the fact that he doesn’t want to talk about it your made he said no. Leave it alone. Or find someone else who wants to have more children
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It sounds like from the start he was honest about not wanting kids… you ended up having one and he may be a great dad, but it doesn’t change the fact that he never wanted kids… I’m sorry but be thankful that even with not wanting kids, he’s a good dad instead of either leaving or resenting the kid and being distant… I wouldn’t push for a second as he’s already bend on having a kid… you can either get use to having one kid or find someone who wants a bigger family…
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So many solid points here. Let me add:
Don’t turn ten more years of financial obligation into 18. That happened to me, not by my own doing, and though I love the children, it’s a hard thing mentally to come to terms with. Those are 10 years of my financially free, glorious adult years that I gave up!
Please don’t make your only child accept a sibling. He’d be ten or 11 by the time a baby was born. He might think the baby is cute, but not for long. Your son is used to having his parents attention, and teen years are an emotional roller coaster. You want to add a baby and possibly a divorce? It would potentially ruin your son and his future ability to foster healthy relationships.
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I think you got lucky and got your son. He told you from the gate he never wanted any kids.
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There’s a difference between “he won’t hear me out” and “he won’t change his mind to give me what I want…again”
He was honest from the get go. He did not want kids… And yet you had a child together. That’s a HUGE compromise on his end already.
You have to have a serious moment to yourself to think of what you want in life.
Does he make you happy?(excluding the second baby issue)
If he does, maybe it’s your turn to compromise. If is is not something you can compromise on, then, is it worth it to leave the life you currently have to go search for someone else who would give you a second child?
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I really wouldn’t like it if my husband kept pressing me to have another baby. I wanted two. I got two. Im done. Period. You gotta respect his opinion on this.
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If you wanted 2 kids than you should’ve went with someone who wanted the same as you, it’s never going to work with someone who doesn’t want the same things as you, you’ll always resent him for not wanting the same thing and he’ll resent you for pushing him for something he doesn’t want or trying to force something on him he doesnt want
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So many people telling you he doesnt want more kids like his wants are all that matter. Your wants and needs count too!
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I’m sorry but you always knew he didnt want kids and you seem like you always knew you wanted two. So you were not compatible from the get go. You cant force someone to want to be a parent. And I think it’s unfair of you to expect that of him.
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He was very clear to begin with that he didnt want kids at all and you had a son, with him, you got what you wanted, do t forse the issue or he will begin to resent you and you will both lose out
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You have to make a choice. You knew he never wanted kids, but now you want another…So are you going to stay with him and not have another, or is it so important to you to have another that you are going to leave him and go with someone who wants kids as you do. That’s really what it comes down to. You knew what he wanted and chose him anyways. So now, are you going to stay or go is on you and your wants.
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He never wanted kids in the first place, you did. Not sure why a relationship started in the first place tbh. If you force the issue he will resent you. If you are really deadset on having 2 kids maybe you need to leave because you might resent him eventually if you only have your son
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One seems like a pretty good compromise between 0 and 2. He was honest. He wanted none but has been the best father he can still. Now you are saying how he won’t even hear you out on a second? Really?! Do you listen to him, do you hear him? I would be grateful you have a good man who has stood by you and his son and become a great dad even though he never wanted to be one.
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He never wanted kids and you knew that. You were lucky enough to have a man step up and be a great dad instead of leaving when there was a birth control failure. If you want to be with him drop the baby thing or leave and find someone else to have a baby with if you want one that bad. You can not force kids on someone who doesn’t want them. That’s a relationship that would of ended the second I found out he didn’t want kids if it was me
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He said in the beginning he didn’t want kids. Your son came along despite birth control and he loves him but he didn’t and doesn’t want kids. You knew that. He keeps telling you. You need to accept it and go from there.
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I didnt even want kids. After our first, i refused to have a second. Now, we have 2. However, you entered a relationship with him knowing that he didnt want kids and you did.
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You knew when you got with him that he never wanted kids. So my question is why did you get with him in the first place. Let him be he doesn’t want one
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Find someone else willing to have a child.
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Girl, if 11 years, and a whole grown ass 3rd grader didn’t get him down that aisle, what makes you think he takes you seriously enough to make another child with your ass?? Gtfoh. lol
Go find someone who treasures you as much as you say this man treasures his son. Then have a baby with that dude.
He was open about not wanting kids at the beginning. It’s not like he’s all of a sudden changing his mind.
I’m actually more impressed with him that in a situation that he could have felt trapped in, since he didn’t want kids (I’m not saying you tried to trap him at all though), that he stepped up and took responsibility and is a good dad to a kid he didn’t even want to begin with.
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U been with him 11 yrs open it eyes lady
He seems like he’s being really clear. I don’t know why you would think he would change his mind. This is something you should have thought about before you got together. It sounds like you aren’t listening to him
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Girl just get pregnant. This is your life too! ( I know I’m gonna get a lotta back lashhhh from this comment😅)
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I mean… if you knew from the beginning he didn’t want kids, be thankful you have a son. Not trying to sound harsh at all, but you knew this from the get go.
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A think a big clue in this for you should be that you’ve been with him 11 years and he’s still just a fiancé. You deserve to be made into an honest women and have your babies
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Funny I agree ur wants matter too but fact is u need to decide what u want more another child or him because it’s not fair to force or trick him into another child
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Just stop taking birth control. He would never know
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But my thing is why can’t you respect that he don’t want no more kids it’s a little selfish of you not to consider his feeling and thoughts on it all I hear is about you and how he is being rude but it’s the opposite
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How important is having another child to you? Tell him he needs to hear how u feel and if he still doesn’t want another child then u need to decide if this is something u might resent him for in the future or you love him enough to respect his decision.
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Yeah I get he doesnt want Anymore y’all . but he aint gotta be a dick to her about it.
I wouldn’t press the issue. Having kids is a HUGE responsibility. And I understand not wanting to start over. Seems like u want to try to talk him into it.
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Dont listen to the comments about divorcing him now and ruin the bond with him and his child because you decided to take a chance on the relationship! You could just “accidentally” get pregnant again so your child has a sibling or be quiet because you signed up for this! The best thing to do is to find out why he doesnt want kids?
That’s a choice you’ll have to make if you want more children it probably won’t be with him
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If you want more children and he doesn’t, either one of you compromises or you find someone more in line with what you want. If having children is that important to you, and he won’t budge, then I guess the only real way to get what you want is to leave. I personally do not want more children and made that clear to my husband before we even had any! You both are entitled to get what you want in life, it just may not be with you two together in order to make that happen.
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I mean it was clear he didn’t want kids from the beginning shouldn’t get with someone who doesn’t want kids and than try to force your belief on wanting to have kids how selfish
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If you wanted kids in the beginning, you should have found someone else. He told you he didn’t want kids at all.
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Sounds like youll need to choose between him and having a baby. Is unfair to expect him to have another child that he so clearly does not want. Either go have one on your own or you need to accept the fact that your son will be the only one.
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To many kids in the world now, lots being abused, not wanted. What don’t you understand.
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At the beginning, my husband wanted 4, then after our 2nd was born he went and got fixed. 
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Girl hes made it clear he doesnt want kids you cant force him to do something he doesnt want
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This is my opinion if he don’t want more kids there is no compromise bc u never know how he may end up treating that baby and it could cause yalls relationship to blow up.
You are being really unfair on him. He was open and honest from the beginning, you knew what you were getting into. If the roles were reversed everyone would be bashing him for trying to force/manipulate a woman into something she never wanted. Accept this is the situation you got yourself in or move on with someone else
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you are fortunate that he is a good dad to your son when he never wanted any kids. That said–if he really does not want anymore kids why has he not gotten a vasectomy?
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He didn’t want any, you got one. Be happy or find someone else.
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He didn’t want kids / you still continued the relationship with no respect to his wishes and nothing more than a I hope he change his mind.
He continued the relationship with you / perhaps with the hope you’ll change your mind.
You now have a child who is loved and accepted … Isn’t that a compromise of halfway and what relationships are about?
I think he’s done more than his share by accepting a child he didn’t plan on or want … Now when are you going to accept what he wants? 
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If you want kids why are you with someone who doesn’t? That is not fair to either of you.
Hugs. It sounds like you accepted what his wishes were but thought he wasn’t being honest. Hugs. Hugs hugs
You knew he didn’t want kids when you married him. That’s on you.
You need to decide if you want another child or to stay in your current relationship. He said he didn’t want kids from the start.
Do you want another child more than you want a life with him? Get a puppy. 
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He didn’t want kids from beginning but ended up having a son with you now you want to get him to have another baby with you when he doesn’t want another one so deal with only one or find a new relationship
Can’t force somebody to have kids🤷🏽♀️ You knew what you signed up for. You wouldn’t want a guy forcing you into having a kid, that’d be against your rights and a super toxic thing to do, it works both ways though. Surprise blessings happen, but trapping, guilting or tricking someone into something (no matter who it is or what it is) is sooooo wrong
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