I’d try first, reflecting on being thankful for what you have. You got lucky he stayed for the first kid, after expressing he didn’t want any.
Ask yourself if pressing him to change more for you is worth possibly losing what you have. Is it selfish?
Decide what you can live with.
On another note, maybe he has a reason for it. Could be able to heal, maybe not. Don’t know till you try.
Similar situation I had. My husband and I met and he new I wanted 3 kids from the get go. A few years later we had 2. He didn’t want any more yet knew I wanted 3. Life is constantly changing. For about a year I kept on him about having another. (I wanted our kids to be 2-3 years apart) It came to the point he wanted to move and take a new job so it came to the perfect opportunity to make a deal. We move to where he wants and I get a another baby. Both life changes. Both had to give to get. Compromise. Worked out for us and we can’t imagine life any other way! 
I went through that basically, except was a daughter instead. And honestly…it never changed. He never wanted more, I always was left with wanting more. Our life goals were different. Our family goals were different. But I could not turn off that aching feeling… we then had other issues in the marriage and we eventually parted ways when our daughter was a pre teen. I now am married to someone else, who never had children - I got pregnant instantly and then again when that daughter was just 9 months old. I now have three children, but I would have never had more children in my first marriage. I am not telling you to leave that relationship over ‘just’ that to be clear. But my first husband was never, for fact, ever, going to change his mind and want more or allow me to have even one more. And I would have grieved the loss of never getting to have more/and would have also always been unhappy. I actually got my tubes tied after my son, because thankfully me and current husband both agreed and were on same page we were done. But yep…it’s hard when you are not on the same page of how many children you want. (I was also all ready 36 by that time, with my oldest child all ready being almost grown up, so for me, I had two more - back to back - but then wanted to be done.) (I also am now 42 with a 21 year old daughter, 8 year old daughter, 6 year old son and a 1 year old grandson and a newborn grandson.)
Oh dear. This can break a relationship. Dont deliberately get pregnant. I did. Never got back to where we were. More like friends now. He might tell you to have an abortion. And you will hate him for it. Decide which is most important him or leaving for another man to father your next child.
Personally myself, I always ask if the guy wants kids or not. If he doesnt, I end things right away. I want at least 3 kids. So, I wouldnt put myself into the situation that I wouldnt be able to have any or more than 1. 
Either leave him (find someone willing) or accept the one child you have.
Why are you not be happy with the one kiddo? He has been honest, sounds like you have too. This is something you guys should have talked about in the beginning…if you force him to become father to a second you risk a lot of things. Have you ever wondered WHY he never wanted children in the first place?
Why would you want another kid with a man who doesn’t. That would always be a problem for the child even in subtle ways?
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You can have another baby as a single mom. No big deal. At least this guy is being honest with you. I planned and had a child on my own, as I wanted to have a career and never wanted to have a husband. And I never regreted my choice. And my son is a very health and happy little man, 18 now.
Be blessed with what God gave u and don’t pushe it u knew from the get go he didn’t want kids and please don’t be one of those I’ll trick him it won’t end well and you said fiance which is a fancy word for bf/bd he can walk anytime no problem
If it’s that important to you, go build a new life with someone that wants more kids.
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My now husband was the same way when we were dating. He was not ready and let me know. I was a pest and didn’t respect him and kept bringing it up even though he told me he wasn’t ready. I would say wait.
If you want kids and he knows that then find someone who will provide you more for your future but also if you knew he didn’t want kids and you wanted a big family you shouldn’t have got with someone like him in the first place
He didnt want any to begin with and you knew that. I would just drop it. You cant force someone to do something they dont want to do.
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Have you talked about getting married? That’s a long engagement. Maybe you were meant to be someone else’s wife who wants children? God bless the one you have what a blessing!! Good luck girlfriend. You are entitled to change your feelings after all these years. My children are ten years apart and I didn’t think I wanted another one, but the man that stole my heart did
I agree with everyone else saying let it go. He told you yofront he didnt want kids. If you knew you wanted 2 kids and he didnt then you should had moved on. Takes two people to want kids to make it happen and make a good life for the kid.
Your husband sounds pretty concrete about not having more children. However, if the powers that be have allowed you to get pregnant once while on contraception, they may let that happen again. But honestly, having babies should be something both parents yearn for, shouldnt be one sided.
You got half of what you want, apparently accidentally? To ask him for a second child is to expect to get everything you want with no compromise on your part. Stop looking at YOUR side, and look at his, instead.
He gave you a child. He treats that child well, no resentment. He STILL tells you he does not want another child. Accept it. Otherwise, what you WANT is a chance to guilt him into having another child, against his will… even if you have his words, it will be worthless if you coerce it. Accept the compromise you already have.
Girl you’ve been together that long have another baby. And yes I said it ladies . Life is to short to not go for what you want. Do whatever it takes.
No matter what you say to him about another child he will never listen to you. Its up to if you want to stay without another child or leave your fiancé. Years ago my fiancé cheated on me a month before our wedding because he didn’t want children and me being a stay at home mother he never talked about children to me and asuming is 100% wrong on my part. I just learned about this not long ago and so glad I kicked his butt to the curb and called off the wedding.
Did you know he didn’t want kids when getting into this relationship? I can totally see your perspective of wanting more, but having another is obviously a lot of responsibility and to me, thatd be overwhelming if I didn’t want kids in the first place…granted he shouldn’t just shut you down, y’all should be able to have a civil adult conversation about it.
You knew it going in… you could always ask about fostering? Maybe the idea of the baby stage is what he doesn’t like…? If not, it isn’t really on him. You know?
Smh be lucky he is still with you. Don’t be pushing it on him when he didn’t want any to begin with. Also, you’re still engaged? He may never commit at this point.
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11 years and you’re just engaged? Sounds like he has commitment issues
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- Edited to add that my opinion is sure to trigger some. Proceed with an open heart and mind or scroll on by.
If you want another kid you should be able to have one.
Whether it’s with him or not, the choice is really up to you. If he doesn’t want more kids but wants to keep fucking you? Let him get a vasectomy.
Fuck giving your power away. It’s YOUR choice.
It’s also your choice to stay with a man who doesn’t want the same things you do in a family.
He told you in the beginning. Don’t know what you are upset about.
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You knew from jump what he was about. You can’t expect him to change. You have your son, be thankful for what you have instead of focusing on what you don’t have.
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I’m glad he is good with your son but when he is that clear about not wanting another child you are asking for trouble if you press the issue. He was clear about this from the start and then would have been the time to further discuss it. If that is a deal breaker for you and you are not married yet, maybe you need to rethink it. You never said you got married yet so I’m guessing you didn’t.
If he didnt want kids in the first place and is a great father to the one you have i would let it be. You wanted kids, you may of got just 1 but thats better than not having any. It may suck for you because you want 2 but also you have to consider how he feels too.
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It is you who know him the best among the ladies who are giving advices here. So you do what your gut, heart and mind tell you… All the best mommy! 
If u want go get it oh well he can wrap his head around it during pregnancy or you and son can walk a new direction an let him be a grinch oh well what’s worst hed do get mad or leave you or maybe perhaps hes afraid of you leaving and wanting child support idk but most men say no til you actually have the baby and then they cry like a baby when they see lil life they made ppl will be negative how I respond but oh well be happy do the deed and hey maybe over time you can leave lil baby clues to give him a hint lol jus a thought
Oh this is simple! Two choices really- you either accept what has already stated his wishes are OR you move on with your life! Without him & try to find someone else who also wants children like you do. The choice is yours.
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I had the same problem when I was married. My husband just did not want to discuss anything. It really hurt our relationship as we had two children who were having trouble in school. I wanted solutions and he didn’t want to discuss it. This ended up hurting every one in the long run. I really think you need to find a way to get him to talk to you or you will never feel at peace about it. He may even change his mind about more children. You mat change your mind as well. You just don’t know until you two talk it out. Tell him you need to put this discussion to rest and talking it out is the only way to do it! Good luck!
Maybe you present it to him this way. Never have or raise one child. That one child will be very lonely. Do it now or. Time will take over to none. Women lose their productivity & before you know it, it’s gone.
If you always wanted kids and he was adamant about not wanting any, why did you stay is my question. He may be a good dad to the one you guys didn’t plan, but that doesn’t mean you can try to talk him into another one
You should respect what he says and how he feels about having more kids 
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I think you need to listen to him and if you don’t like it then maybe you need to move on.
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He didn’t want kids at the start , yous had one now your pushing him for 2 as if his opinion never mattered or existed. You got a child and so did he , he loves the one he never thought he would have. This now becomes a choice of how desperately you want a second and if your willing to risk your family on something you and your child want, your child also wont be the parent , he won’t look after the baby day in day out for the rest of his life. Its all well and good for them to say they want a sibling but ultimately yous are the parents and your finance does not want more. It may suck but he compromised with one , is that not fair ?
He never wanted kids you knew that going in. It’s your choice if it’s a deal breaker to you.
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At this point 11 years between the children will be close to 12. The gap will be enough that you will be raising the second child as an only child just like the first child. Your son will have differant interest next year and will change rapidly from here on. Just food for thought. My boys are 13 years apart.
Because there’s no discussion to be had. You know he doesn’t want kids. You knew from the start. You can’t be upset because he doesn’t want to “hear you out” when he doesn’t have to. He said no and that’s the end of it. You can either be grateful that you guys even have one baby and continue to live a happy life or you can walk away and find someone else to have a child with. You can’t expect him to all of a sudden want another child when the first one wasn’t in the plans.
You knew from day dot ur other half didn’t want kids then u had 1 now u want to pressure him to have more. He has said from the beginning he didn’t want any so be happy and lucky with the 1 u have
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So you knew he didn’t want that, and are now upset that he won’t change his mind to please you?
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Knowing that he didn’t want kids from the beginning and you choosing to still continue things with him kind of annuls him from being blamed for not wanting any more
my husband and i have a 3yrs old daughter. i already told him i dont want anymore, he wants 2 babies at least. but no i dont want any babies anymore. i feel your husband, we love our daughter so much she is my life and strength. but to force another baby is just wrong, he asked maybe i could consider another one after 10 years but hell no im clear about it i dont want anymore babies. and i dont even wanna talk about it cuz i was clear from the start. if he force me to have another one well i dont know whats gonna happen but its not gonna be good.
He doesn’t want kids, you want two. You accidentally compromised at one. Drop it. He met you halfway. If you keep pushing you’ll push him away.
Please don’t try and trap him like some of these ladies are suggesting…
That is NOT okay. You would be angry if he did it to you. Do not do it to him! He told you from the start no kids.
You knew this. You guys had a kid. He stepped up.
Do NOT push it.
My advice would be that if you really want another child, adopt if you can and he won’t be obligated to take care of the second child. It’s not ok that it’s his way or the highway on this because you are two people and in a relationship you have to compromise so that both people are happy. So I’d say adopt and don’t force him to take on the responsibility of the second child. You were really lucky that he took on the first one since he didn’t want any. Since he is such a great dad and didn’t want to be, he would probably be a great friend to your second child.
You can’t force someone to have another kid when they clearly stated they didn’t want to in the first place
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Either be happy with one child or move on and find a new partner that does want children. Sounds like neither one of u will win…
Ok, he’s been aboundly clear for well over a decade that he want’s no children. Point blank! You had one because the birth control didn’t work. That WAS a huge compromise in and of it’s self. He hasn’t been selfish. He didn’t take off, when you were pregnant and is still there. Count your blessings that he didn’t take off as soon as he found out. It’s fare better then what most men have, or would do.
So his body his choice? Or is that not a thing for a man?
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Is having another child more important to you then your spouse? If so then you should go your separate ways. If you can accept he doesn’t want any children then don’t mention it anymore or you will ruin your relationship. He told you what he wanted, he accepted that you got pregnant, doesn’t mean he wants more.
Just accept the fact he doesn’t want more kids especially if he’s told you he doesn’t want any from the beginning
Never ever force someone to have a child. Ask yourself if it’s a dealbreaker? Is he worth losing for a baby you don’t even have?
When a person doesn’t want a child and you do, you should find someone who shares that dream with you. Also, if you’re the person who doesn’t want a child, there are ways to ensure that won’t accidentally happen I.e. tubal ligation And vasectomy.
If he won’t listen to you about this kind of stuff, it’s going to become a big problem. Unless he opens up his mind to the idea, he will continue to shut you down if you bring up the subject. It isn’t necessarily something you should just stop talking about but at the same time the line of communication needs to stay open. If you have always wanted kids and he never did, there was always that room for arguments, disagreements, and hurt feelings because although you may understand his POV, you do not agree on the topic.
Get off birth control and tell him that of course, and just let it be up to whats meant to happen will happen i guess.
Seems like he doesn’t want a wedding band either better think about that first
My advice… 2 cents -imo
Keep asking ! If you wanna push him away. He told you from go ,u have one child. Leave it be or if its that IMPORTANT to you . Leave.
Not married, no baby. He can always leave.
He doesn’t…you do…if you do what he wants…you are unhappy…if you do what you want…he’s unhappy…it’s a no~win situation…either stay with him with one child…or risk losing him with two…
Sadly wanting and not wanting kids are a deal breaker. If he’s had the same opinion from the start there is no changing it.
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He’s stuck on what he wants, you’re stuck on what you want. Your wants don’t outweigh his. Women want men to be honest until it’s something we don’t like.
Well you knew he didnt want children plus no marriage after many years why bother
Maybe he is waiting for marriage as you are engaged, so I wouldn’t push it. He’s there for your son and that should be enough for now.
DON’T do it he might not want you he might just there because he have son 11 years and he still have married you something not right
Time to re-think the marriage then. You want what u want- and if he is not on board, then it seems like. Deal breaker to me. Good luck!
It sounds its a whole lifetime to throw away, but sometimes it is what it takes. We will always be young enough to face it
If he doesn’t want kids but she does maybe that should’ve been a deal breaker from the beginning
Now is not the climate of time of COVID etc, to really be thinking about having another kid…and if he’s not interested, you cannot force him, it has to be a mutual decision, and based on love and honesty…obviously he’s not ready for another, it’s a major responsibility for either parent, but to bring a child into the world has to be agreed by two…the last thing you want is resentment and and a strain on your marriage or relationship, sorry if I’m blunt but that’s how I am…
Your first sentence of the backstory says everything you need to know.
I agree he’s been honest with you from the get go…you have to decide if your life is enough or if you want more…
Why are you still a fiancé after 11 years? Hmm 
sounds like this is over and not going in the direction that either of you want.
Decide if he’s worth it. Someone else may want 2 children even if it’s a step son.
Not sure why you two got engaged if you wanted kids and he didnt…
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What advice do you need? U knew from jump the man doesn’t want any kids…
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Honestly if he’s stuck firm this whole time, than you should probably listen. You can’t make someone want kids.
11 yrs with r without children is questionable.Hope u have ur ducks in order legally in case any issues would come up.
Well if he dosnt want another one dont force it on him thats shitty… like itd be nice if hed just talk to u tho but aye
If he wants no more children, except him as he is, or move on.
He said no, respect that.
He didnt want kids and you have one together, he doesnt want anymore, so that’s that.
Imagine you didn’t want kids, had one and then got pestered to have another, you’d be pissed off so why should he feel any differently?
And those saying to stop taking birth control, just stop! He would really resent her if she did that, and it’s stupid!
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11 years and still a fiance? Someone has commitment issues
Stop the Birth control and get pregnant . Too bad . If he doesn’t like it , there’s a door lolll
I’m confused on why he is still your fiancé after 11yrs and an 8yr old son together?
Enjoy what you have and focus on giving him the best life you can.
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Over 8 years and he’s still your fiancé?
Why are you upset? If a man tells you he doesn’t wants children, why force it? A child doesn’t change a man… Y’all been together for 11 years and still call him your fiancé? Gurl! Something doesn’t add up here. You gonna force that man another child and both of y’all gonna end up miserable.
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I say have another one an leave he never wanted one anyways how can you be that way
Everything is " what" HE " wants. What about you.
I’m not a parent. But just like women, we can’t force someone to have a child. He may adore his son. But it doesn’t mean he wants more. And your son may want a sibling but what about animals? Animals are still family and create bonds.
It’s saddening that he doesn’t want more, but you can’t force him.
Though, I wish you luck.
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U knew this when u got together… he was fair and true to you yet committed to his son.
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so did he have a vasectomy he didn’t tell u about…or…maybe,u will get fixed…after 1 more…just a thought…
Is this the same guy who isn’t coming home?
You knew his feelings from the get go. You knew he didn’t want any children and you decided to stay with him then so what’s the difference now? You should be thankful that you have your son and be blessed that he’s a great dad. Enjoy what you have and respect his wants and not just yours.
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YOUR. FIANCÉ. NEVER. WANTED. KIDS. there’s your answer.
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Foster children are wonderful little people that need you.
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Well you knew from the beginning he didn’t want kids. You got pregnant with your son. He don’t want anymore. I think if you keep bringing up the convo you will just push him away. You already knew he didn’t want kids from the beginning
Gosh people judgy. I have no advice that’s all I’m saying. 
I left my last boyfriend cause he didn’t ever want to get married and I did. Now engaged to a great man. Some things are make it break it things. How strong are these wishes. An man will resent the child if he did not want and that is not a burden to assign any child. Such a sad situation. Love and hugs
This is sad. You can’t force him to want something if he doesn’t.
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Be blessed with what you have. One day you may be grandparents.
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