I was hoping I could ask a fan question privately? my finance got a loan for a co workers for thousands of dollars, without letting me know. thinks I’m crazy for questioning his finances since I am a stay at home mom. am I crazy for being upset and feeling lied to? he didn’t lie but he didn’t tell me and it’s been months of him paying on this loan… like 300 per week.
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Red flags. Very red flags.
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At least he’s paying it back. That alone says something good. Besides, you are not married yet. Therefore you have no right to his financial decisions. You have a right to go to work. You choose not to. Slow him to do his work so he can later provide.
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I would not be opening my legs for him let’s see how fast he comes to his senses
He is lying about something. I would be livid
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This post stresses me out and makes me angry and it’s not even my post! Your best bet is to run. To be engaged to someone and them doing things like that behind your back is a red flag. Just leave is all I can say…
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Is he paying it back or is the coworker?
Not enough clarity here it can be read a couple different ways he took a loan for someone and making payments or he took a loan from a coworker
Both have different aspects of why its wrong or right
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There’s more to that story. Run from that mess. If he’s going to hide things from you now he’ll do it later on when you get married.
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I’d be giving that ring back. His reaction? I’d be throwing that ring at him. He’s suggesting you have no opinion because your sahm? Wow. Get rid of him now. He’ll be controlling you forever!!! Run far. Run fast.
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I obviously think there’s more to this story than meets the eye!
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If it’s starting shady, it’s guna end shady. Honesty and trust are big things in a relationship. He may not have needed your permission to get a loan, but telling you about it should have been on his mind when doing it.
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I bet he bought her something. And he didn’t tell her because it’s for her
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Communication is the key. Doesn’t matter if your a stay at home mom if he’s gonna act like that I wouldn’t marry him but if he’s paying on it then sounds like he took the loan for himself. This doesn’t add up.
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I feel like there is something missing from this post. Like a coworkers what? Car? Did he buy something from a coworker?
Or did he truly take out a loan for someone else and is making the payment.
Big difference.
Although I would still want finances like that discussed before taking out the loan. If you guys are getting married then this affects you too.
But at the same time my husband doesn’t do like anything finance related. This past year I took out a home equity loan and refinanced our house and consolidated our debt and I did all the leg work with the bank and just told my husband what I was doing, why, and when to show up at the bank to sign papers 
. He trusts me to take care of the finances and knows I take care of that so it depends on your relationship dynamic whether him taking out a loan on his own is acceptable or not
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Well last time I checked, a marriage is about two people being equals. It’s about communication and trust.
Clearly he doesn’t see you as an equal, and he clearly doesn’t respect communication or trust in your relationship either.
Someone who does what they want, when they want, without consulting the other person or at least having some respect for the other person isn’t ready to be in a marriage.
You’re not less than because you’re a stay at home mom. His finances are your finances and you should absolutely be discussing where y’alls money goes to!! It doesn’t matter that he’s the only one working!
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Sounds very off to me. You still have a say in everything weather you’re stay at home mom or not. I think he’s lying about something
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No. Ur not being crazy. The first 8 years of parenthood, i was a stay at home mom while my husband worked. Now for the passed 4 years i have been working and ny husband is a stay at home dad. In both situations, both of us were contributing to our household and life equally!! By me staying home , we didn’t have to pay for daycare, we didn’t have to hire anyone to pick up or drop off kids from school or have a after school sitter, i kept 90% of the house clean everyday and kids taken care of so hubby could rest after working. His days off he would help out but we also made it so ge could enjoy his days off and i get some help on those days too. He didn’t have to take days off to take kids to dr appts. Ect… Now it’s the opposite. Since we both contribute, in different ways but still equally, we both get a say in money situations. Neither of us would never ever go buy something big, or take a loan out, or anything without consulting the other one. We BOTH have to survive off that paycheck. And in a marriage or relationship, its supposed to be a partnership. U cant pick n choose when u want to be equal partners. Everything (to a degree , I’m not talking about a $7 coffee or a quick McDonald’s lunch n stuff) should be discussed and both parties deserve to be heard. But, mutual respect is the only way to get to that point. And if he sees what u do as a stay at home mom like it’s not contributing, than hes not respecting u and all ur hard work. Being a stay at home parent is HARD. So, yes. U deserved to have a say in that loan, and u have every right to be upset. Next time u approach the situation, think about what u want to say and think of the best way to say it so he listens instead of getting instantly defensive
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Pump the brakes on that wedding.
Time for a serious talk with a financial advisor about how you two manage funds.
After that, time to meet with a counselor bc if he doesn’t know why he should be discussing this with you, he needs an education.
He just attached his, and possibly your, credit, by taking out a multi thousand dollar loan for a coworker?!
And a lie by omission is still a lie.
And if he does it now, what will he do later?
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior - I wouldn’t trust this character for a second.
His finances are your finances and vise versa. That’s part of being ‘married’. He should have discussed it with you first imo. As I’m sure he’d expect the same from you.
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I could understand him helping out a friend co sign the loan but why is he paying on it doesn’t make sense
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Hopefully he has learnt a very expensive lesson.
I understand you are hurt but he probably knew all along it wasn’t a good idea and wanted to spare you.
There are lies of omission. Expect more to come . Run don’t walk - it’s called bad news
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Yikes. Is it for a female?
That is insane he is paying on a loan for a coworker 300$ a week! I would be some instigating and not marry him until it’s paid off and I
he has the decency of talking with you about things!!! Lack of communication in a marriage is not good!
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That seems so shady If it’s a female Co worker I’d be thinking she was pregnant and he’s paying her 1 for the baby and 2 as it’s so much he’s trying to keep her quiet. I can’t understand why he would spend that much out for a Co worker regardless of the reason. Also it may be his money and you’re ‘only’ a stay at home mum but if you wasn’t at home caring for his children he’d be paying out even more in childcare. A relationship is a joint commitment and that money is both of yours he should’ve spoken to you about it before he did anything. I’d also be questioning if it really was for a Co worker or is that an excuse to cover up the real reason he’s that short a week like is he gambling and he’d prefer you to think he’s paying a loan for a Co worker than admit his habit? I’m at stay at home mum, my partner works and we share the money. If we are wanting to buy something big or small we run it by each other first we always agree, we never stop each other buying what we want but it’s respect to run it past the other person. As this is completely behind your back and his reaction sounds very defensive I’d see this as a red flag
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I would want to know more. The extra financial burden on him could make him lash out at you, and put burden on the relationship. If he isn’t already treating you like it isn’t both of your money then he will have that mind set after marriage too most likely.
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You already have children together and it sounds like that is as far as you should commit to this relationship, do not link up legally to someone who isnt honest about finances, keep your firewall up for you and your kids financial protection
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I suggest you get out of this relationship now. If you marry he will probably be doing the same thing.
He should have went over this with you before he made the commitment. Obviously if he’s paying for somebody else’s loan they are not in the best position to be having one. Make sure you tell him that because whatever happens to that loan affects you as well. Glad you aren’t married to this person yet because you might be getting a few surprises like this down the line. There’s something here that’s not adding up and I don’t think he’s telling you whole story.
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Work buddy ? Lol … and 300 a week ?? Hello wake up !
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Sounds like there’s a lot more to this story.
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Sounds like he didn’t tell you. And now hes stuck with someone else’s loan. Let it be him, not you, you’re a stay at home mom don’t worry about it it’s not your problem
Money is like the number one reason for divorce.thats not ok. That sounds like hes being secretive and thats a no go in a long term relationship, regardless if your married or not
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His secretive ways will bring you more trouble. You won’t be able to trust him now. How did you find out about the details of the loan?
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Wait … he got a loan for a " work buddy" and hes paying it back. !!
Yeah, i’d be 
off !!!
Find out who and why !!! This is insane!
Don’t get married till this loan is paid off.
Just talk with him explain how you feel.
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In my opinion when y’all are married or engaged to be and have kids. The money made for the household is exactly that, it should be treated that way, you share the income, you are open about the money and at the least you tell your SO your taking out a loan and for what! But also this whole situation is very shady…taking a loan out for said coworker but also making these very large payments…and then not tell your SO about it at all!!! Yea red flags everywhere
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Why is he paying on a loan he took out for someone else? Doesn’t make any sense.
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Why is he making payments on a loan that was taken for a co-worker ? Shouldn’t the co-worker be making the payments if his statement was true ?
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Just because you don’t make the money doesn’t mean it doesn’t effect you. He should have talked to you about this. If y’all supposed to be in it for life then he needs to start acting like it and I would question why the Co worker isn’t making the payment.
That’s a lot of money to give to a coworker, it makes me wonder if he has gotten into some trouble and had to pay someone, or could be a cheating situation?
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I think that if you were married, then you would have a say-so in it. I can understand your frustration, but if you were married, this would be in issue
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Have you ever had any other discussions about finances? Do you share finances? Do you split bills? Do you give him information about your finances? There are a lot of variables for me to give you a proper and concise opinion. But whatever your gut feeling is telling you, it’s okay to feel that way and you’re not crazy. He is telling you that you are for questioning him is a huge red flag no matter the answer to any of those questions. Is this a pattern of behavior? I wish you luck in coming to a resolution and I am sorry that I probably wasn’t of much help 
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If your name isn’t on loan I wouldn’t pay it back. It’s on him.
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That’s called lying. I would be irate. Why in the world is he paying back a loan he got for someone else? I would never EVERY SINGLE detail because it sounds super sketchy.
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I’d.
Have someones…a$$…
Why would you want to marry man that looks poorly on you. I mean, technically it’s none of your business because you’re not married, but think about how he treats you before you sign the paperwork. You clearly need a man who puts you over money and respects you.
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I wouldn’t marry someone who did that. Then get mad at me for asking about it.
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He got the loan for someone elase but hes paying it back?
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So, he took a loan out for a coworker, HE is making the payment on it and he didn’t even talk to you about it?
That doesn’t make any kind of sense at all! Something else is up that he isn’t admitting to.
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Somethings not right here…. A huge loan for a coworker? He’s paying it? Didn’t tell you? Ummm this screams red flag. No one just gets a loan for a person they work with and then pay it for them. Very very odd. Of this doesn’t scream run then I don’t know what does. 
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Here’s the thing: you aren’t married. Has he always done his finances and you’ve been involved? What kind of discussion have yall had on expectations with finances.
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Get you another fiance…
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I mean, in all technicalities, legally his finances are none of your business when he is the only one working and bring in all the money, especially being that you aren’t married to him yet. He obviously isnt struggling financially because of his decision if you didn’t notice $300 a week was disappearing for months.
It’s shady af that he did this and I would definitely be caught off guard because no one just forks out thousands of dollars for a “coworker”… but this is exactly why I tell everyone not to rely on other people for financial stability.
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$300 a month for a “coworker” and failed to mention it?! Nope. I wouldn’t believe that. I don’t mean to be negative and jump to the worst conclusion. But I’m usually right in these circumstances, unfortunately.
I’d personally ask for the loan info to see the details and some kind of proof this is for a coworker, like texts or agreements for it to be paid back. Not because he has an obligation at this point to share his financial situation with you, but because I believe there is more to this story than what’s he’s telling you.
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It’s his money…
Period…!!!
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I would possibly call off the engagement- red flag 
for sure !
Girl what the hell. Sounds like he getting a little something strange for some change. Absolutely not. I wouldn’t do that for anyone let alone a coworker.
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Finances is a major omission. Withholding info is same as lying. If he didn’t think he did something wrong why did he withhold info?! This is a major problem for me personally and I wouldn’t be ok w it at all. Especially this can effect his credit and now he is paying on it which means the “coworker didn’t keep up their end of the bargain. Who is the coworker? Any chance it’s not for a coworker or there is a more romantic relationship and not just friends? Something isn’t adding up here. The fact he thinks because u stay home that you aren’t entitled to to a convo about finances is a waiving red flag girl!!! I would not proceed w marriage until this issue is settled and see change in behavior.
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Honey I would be asking questions communication is Key in a Marriage. So what if he can afford it. so what if he’s the sole bread winner .thats 300 taken from your kids, if they work the same place why isn’t the other person paying for it??? Marriage is a partnership even if one is a SHM. It was a joint decision to agree to that. You still have the right to ask.
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1200.00 a month , Sounds fishy to me , Wish I had his Income 
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Why a loan did u guys need a big sum of money at once. I feel like that’s something u would talk about together even not married because you stay at home and rely on his income 300 a week is alot
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If the guy is making payments I wouldn’t be too mad but would tell
Him next time to tell me. My husband did this before but he thought he told me. But it is also your concern especially if you are paying bills and buying groceries you have to budget for this and him not telling you and an emergency were to happen and you needed that money and thought you had it
Sounds like a child support payment 
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Unless there is a new car in the driveway …. He’s up to something really shady
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Is the coworker giving him the money for the loan? Those he an the coworker have some other relationship? How did you find out about the loan? Do you have a child with your fiancé ? Most loans aren’t paid on a weekly time line. You need to reevaluate your relationship with this man. Hiding things that are important will tear down a relationship.
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He’s cheating …cause why would he pay it back and not the coworker
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I would consider that cheating unless he can actually sit down and say why he did this. You don’t loan thousand of dollars just for a coworker.
Ummm why would he take a loan out for someone else and not make them pay it off?? This doesn’t add app.
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*** I would reconsider marrying a man who makes financial decisions for your family without sharing them with you. This is just loaning someone 50.00, this is a loan. At this time you aren’t married but should you get married and live in a common property state you too would be liable for the debt!
Side note: not telling someone intentionally is a lie- PERIOD! It’s about deceit , I would recommend you have a very specific conversation about money and expections
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Why is he paying on a loan for someone else…?? That’s my first question, secondly I’d hold that wedding off until it’s paid cause once you married that will become your problem too sis. Definitely be asking questions cause something aint right
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Doesn’t matter if he’s “just” your fiancé, if he keeps secrets like this from you know, he’ll continue to do after you’re married.
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I disagree with people saying it’s none of your business. When you live together and are planning to get married no less you share all. Not telling you IS A LIE! I would be mad asf! What if that “co worker” doesn’t pay the loan? Then your Fiancé is on the hook and if you marry him so are you. It could cause all sorts of problems down the line that you shouldn’t have to deal with. I’m sorry to say this but I would have a serious sit down w my significant other and find out exactly why they felt it was ok to do this and not tell you…then I would reconsider the whole relationship. This is messed up!
Sorry but that is insane. I’d be livid. And doing some investigating on who this “co worker, Or friend” is! Shadyyyyyyy.
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Forshadowing for future financial secrets and even potentially financial abuse. I wouldn’t marry him unless there’s some major changes in regards to finaces within the relationship.
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As the person who makes most the financial decisions, and money, my rule is if it’s not noticed then it’s not missed.
I wouldn’t worry about it if you’re just now realizing he’s been paying on it.
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It didn’t say their married yet so boo who ,but still doesn’t matter,simple piss that person off.
Secret child with this “co-worker” he’s paying child support for, but telling you it’s a loan?
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My first question is what kind of loan is 300/week? And second why would anyone take out a loan that you are paying 1200/month for that isn’t even for you?
You sure he isn’t paying for an apartment for someone ?
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Is this coworker a female? That seems mighty suspicious. 
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Hes paying on a loan, that he took out for a coworker? Lol. Are yall seriously this brainwashed? Some of the things that come out of people’s mouths.
1, he has another family or a girlfriend he isn’t telling you about.
2, he took out a loan for himself and is paying it off.
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And this why ladies, you never rely on ANYBODY for money
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So did he further explain what for for the CO worker? Sounds too weird to me or like they may have black mail on him
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He did lie you’re not crazy. It’s called lying by omission
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Technically y’all aren’t married yet so he doesn’t have to consult you about taking out a loan. HOWEVER, you should be concerned that he took out a loan for thousands of dollars for a “co-worker”, a loan that HE has been making payments on. Now has the coworker been giving him the money to make these $300 payments? In any event, You just got a glimpse of what life would be like being married to this man. 
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He took a loan for a “coworker” yet he is the one paying? Something is not right
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Wait why is he paying on a loan that he got for a coworker? Why isn’t the coworker paying the loan
I would demand to know what your fiancé took the loan out for ! I know your not married but if you lived together for over 6 months your actually married by law in most states. I would make sure that there isn’t a female involved in this loan. Your best bet is to run while you can. Your involved in this money problem also. This man will probably hide things in the future also. Not marriage material ! Find someone that includes you in important issues like money
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Sounds like he has another baby on the way or he’s with said co-worker. People just don’t do that for co workers and make the payment
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WHY? Does he owe them money or something? Sounds fishy to me.
If I were you, I’d hold off on marriage and start earning some of your own income. If you’re getting married, you should be in the loop on large financial decisions. The fact that he’s hiding it is a huge red flag. Did he actually lend it to a friend? Or is he covering up something, such as gambling debt? Marriage requires transparency.
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Not telling you is no different than lying… he felt you didn’t need to know even though you should know everything that goes on if you are in a relationship… I would try to figure out who the coworker is as well because you deserve to know what their relationship is and what the money was for 
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i mean idk how he would spend thousands of dollars without u knowing UNLESS it was for ur engagement ring n if thts the case id support it maybe just maybe he was ready to propose to you at tht time n figured he was gonna do it reguardless so it would be kinda sweet because he dint care what he had to do he knew he wanted u as his wife first find out what tht money went to n if it was for u yea it might piss u off id be upset to but u gotta find some postitive in thee worse situation at this point all u can do is support him again this is just my opinion
In my personal opinion: unless your married or contributing to the finances it is none of your business what he does with his money. It sounds like he’s looking after you and his children so that’s what matters.
No. No. No. Finances are something a couple should be on the same page about, always. (My bf and I split all bills, but we also have separate bank accounts. That being said, we always talk to each other about big purchases, no matter whose money is being spent.) I would be done. I would leave his ass and tell him to go ahead and spend his money on whatever he wants… and to take a loan out for someone else!? That is INSANE to me. Seems fishy. Who is this “co worker”? A loan for what? How much? Why is HE paying it? so many questions…
Only POS tell their partner you stay home so none of your business.
Leave ‘em alone he’s paying it
Are you paying for the loan or he is paying with his OWN money ?
He took out a loan and is paying it back for a co-worker? Wow. Is it a female? If so there’s way more to this story. Shouldn’t the co-worker pay the loan payments? This is way out there.
He’s making the payment or the co worker is? He’s clearly not struggling for money which is why he doesn’t care and doesn’t feel like you should because it’s not changing your life style. You’re not technically married so you have nothing to really do with his finances. You can ask but he doesn’t have to answer to you. Even when you’re married since you’re unemployed from his mentally he doesn’t need to have the conversation with you. It could show you the future of your relationship though. If he values his money as his money I would consider separate accounts and not relying on him for income. Who is the co worker, how close are they? Thats the weird part to me. Unless they’re personally friends or co buisnesss owners I don’t see why he would do that. Out of curiosity did he ask you to sign a prenup?