My fiance will not allow me to discipline my stepchild: What do I do?

I need some advice, please. I’m living with my fiance and12-year-old stepdaughter (we have her full time). We’ve been together for two years. I love my fiance and stepdaughter dearly, and I see them as my family. I’m at home every day when she gets home from school; I love her, give her hugs, advice, and parent her. I treat her the way I would treat my own child. Today she had been playing up and treating us with disrespect, and my fiance refuses ever to give her consequences for her actions. She doesn’t ever need to take responsibility for her actions, and that’s why we often argue when she is treating us bad or behaving in the wrong way because I think that it is important to teach her and deal with it properly. But because I am only her stepmom, I can’t discipline her without my fiance’s support. I am also 20 weeks pregnant, and after we argued about her behavior and how to deal with it, my fiance told me that we are not a family and never will be because I am only her stepmom. That hurt me a lot because I saw us as a family. How do I deal with this? Add: When I said that we should show her that there are consequences for her actions, he said: “Maybe I need to put you back into your place, not her.”

349 Likes

Run. If he allows his child to treat you with disrespect then hes going to teach the child to walk all over you and it’s going to make your life harder and harder. Also he sounds like he treats with you disrespect.

12 Likes

Leave. It’s only gunna get worse after you have your kid. You will deal with what YOU ALLOW. YOU SHOW HIM THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES FOR BOTH THEIR ACTIONS. Stand your ground.

3 Likes

Leeeeaaaaave him!! Those are huuuge red flags!

4 Likes

Oh my God…I’d be out

Run. When a man speaks like that you should listen.

5 Likes

GET OUT!!! I am divorced after only 2 yrs of marriage because of the same situation
She ran his life… He never told her no or disciplined her… IT WILL NOT GET BETTER!

9 Likes

You’re engaged and pregnant by this man. How is it you’ll never be a family? He should discipline his own child and you are not his child. If he can’t teach her to respect the house rules and check her when she’s wrong then you’re in a very hard place. I personally wouldn’t out my time into her. He can do it all. When he ask for your advice I wouldn’t have any for him.

Wow. You’re better than me cause I’d be calling it quits over that shit. I’d be dammed if he talked to me that way

6 Likes

For him to be saying that makes me wonder what his side of the story would be. I don’t like these advice things because we’re only hearing one side of a story and a lot of it sounds like bullshit and his missing important information

1 Like

Run as fast as you can

4 Likes

Honey, you are in a bad situation. You need to explain the changes that need to take place for you to stay. If He doesn’t consider y’all a family after two years and a sibling on the way he never will.

16 Likes

This is in no way ok. I have 2 step children and i myself am expecting and he would not dare speak to me in that way. If hes talking/ treating you like this now, its only going to get worse.

6 Likes

Get out NOW! Let him deal with what he has raised!

Run, im currently going thru a divorce because my husband said i didnt love his children. But even with him home everynight i was a single full time mom to all 3 of his kids plus my son. Looking back at the last 2yrs i feel like i spent so much time on him and his kids that i put my son on the back burner. His kids would back talk me, call me names, or just walk away from me. He never stepped in, i had to call their mothers to get anywhere with them.

Run away as fast as you can

CONTROL !! He’s exerting control over you- it will only get worse. He sees her as HIS child and therefore his discipline. Sorry but this type of guy is a typical [email protected]#k …he’ll let you do all the dirty work with your step-daughter i.e. feed her, clothe her, take on days out, but he’ll never treat you as an equal parent! You’ll be the general dogsbody!! thats bloody men for you- use you, double fucking standards!!

4 Likes

No way in hell I would stay in that “relationship” after that happened. I certainly wouldn’t want to bring a child up in that setting. You’re better off by yourself than to have to deal with all that. It’s not going to get any better. Trust me.

5 Likes

He doesn’t need to allow you anything. That’s your home too. If the girl disrespect you, You do what You should (don’t spank). If He say something, leave. You are not Their rug to walk over you.

9 Likes

Leave… just leave… not gonna win this

1 Like

Get rid of him omg.:worried:the red flags are waving…

Red flags woman…you better leave Now! It will only get worse.

Leave. The situation will be worst the longer you stay. If the father does not want to discipline the child that is a problem for the future. Do not stay just because you are having his child that will also be a big mistake.

1 Like

Nope. Leave now. Fuck that asshole. Red flag times 20. The abusive behavior is just starting to show itself.

4 Likes

He told you that you’ll never be a family while you are expecting his child😥. There’s no way you can live with them happily if the child doesn’t respect you and he has already told you that you’ll never be family so I guess you should leave.

6 Likes

Get out now. She will always be a disrespectful brat. And will get worse. Save yourself a bigger heartache later, just go now!

1 Like

You already know the answers, we are just here to give opinions… best of luck to you

4 Likes

Daaymm, yup leave that kind of behaviour. Easier said than done at 20wks pregnant but I would seriously start preparing to end the relationship. Start getting things in order while you still have the financial comfort of living together. It will never change unfortunately and he sounds like a hurtful ass.

2 Likes

What a POS not even fully committed to your marriage obviously.

1 Like

Put him in his place by the trash. Nope been there won’t go back.

He sounds like a piece of shit that is gonna raise an entitled daughter & wonder where he went wrong. Run. And don’t look back.

2 Likes

Omg you’ve got to leave hun that’s an alful thing to say and controlling

Id leave now. He obviously will never see u as a family. Believe his words .

1 Like

Oh hell no!!! I would have just looked at him like he bumped his head. Only you can decide what you want. But you deserve better than that.

2 Likes

Then he needs to be taking care of his child if he don’t want you too!! Wow how rude disrespectful n inconsiderate!! I’d take my baby n walk away until he can compromise on what a man hubby partner IS supposed to be !! If your not family to her DONT BE USED AS A BABYSITTER R NOTHING ELSE!! Let him take FULL responsibility as DINHLE DAD GOR HER EACH DAY!! I’d walk away until he can learn what relationships n Co parenting means!!!

Get out of that relationship because he doesn’t respect you so he’s definitely not going to make his daughter respect you

4 Likes

I feel so sorry for you. I have a stepdaughter and I dont tolerate any disrespect from ANY CHILD. I make that very and utterly clear to all. But I am deeply thinking about leaving myself. My kids know how I get down. I’m better off alone now that I’m thinking about it.

Run for the hills now he’s a jerk and doesn’t deserve you !!! RUN!!

1 Like

Pack your bags and say bye…

Leave. Now. Just. Leave when someone u who they are. Just leave If he making Comments like this it will get worst God is a. Healer. He. Got. You

1 Like

I mean show u who they are leave

Um it’s a simple answer that I know you know you need to leave him

Do not, I repeat, do not marry him. If he has that much disrespect for you, he isn’t worthy of your respect.

5 Likes

This kind of thing will break up relationships. Step parents need to have a means to discipline stepchildren when their parent isn’t home to do it. Physical discipline is never ok for a step parent to administer ever. But there should be some type of discipline you two can agree upon. If not. Trust me…your relationship won’t last.

If your marriage is not healthy then your children whether its step children or yalls together will be the only ones to suffer!
TRUE FACTS!

1 Like

read some books about step parenting. Much of this is not that unusual. but him telling you you are not a family and never will be was harsh. The comment about putting you in your place was hard to hear, I’m sure. Maybe there is a need for family counseling to see if you can iron this out.

1 Like

His mind is set that you will never be family and you are beneath him and his daughter. What a horrible thing to say “maybe it’s time to put you in your place.”
It’s time for you to walk away from that before he destroys you and your heart.
Please just let him go.

5 Likes

Leave what an absolute jerk

2 Likes

Wow that’s horrible get rid of him before u have that baby & feel stuck

Oh my!!! Where is the biological Mom? Is she in the picture at all? And you’re pregnant? Geez…he sounds like a jackass!! Sorry baby girl…you got yourself a heartless individual there. Abuse comes in different ways and verbal is one of them. And so does love. The girl needs discipline which is love…to teach her that she needs to be careful what she says to others. But I forgot…look at her father…

My issue was the reverse! I wanted my bf to be involved and treat my daughter like his…nope I stayed, turned out he was a secret drinker​:angry::angry::angry::angry: about the time I was leaving him he got really sick with liver issues, and dummy me stayed. Life deffentally turned out wrong… Run honey run

You need to pack your stuff, & leave now!

1 Like

Counseling…
It has worked wonders for my daughters.

He a said what he meant; You, will only continue to be hurt if you stay.

3 Likes

It’s not your kid. Concentrate on your own baby.

2 Likes

From Experience, do not marry this man. Things will never change.i can tell you, it gets worse.

2 Likes

He already showed you where you stand. What more do you want? You can go through the marriage and be disrespected by them both or you can get out now and maybe someday find someone who respects you. Choice is yours.

5 Likes

Why are you asking what you should do??? 1. Is that how you wanted to be treated in the relationship? 2. Do you want your child raised the same way as your step child? If you answered no for both those questions you need to leave!

6 Likes

I’d be taking my pregnant self elsewhere ASAP

Everyone says run and leave…you’ve been with him for two years that’s an investment. You should invest further to family group counseling. Becoming a step parent isn’t easy and setting limits and boundaries is a slippery slope. If he refuses to discipline and support you as you both work together to build a family then it’s him who needs the discipline. My boyfriend and I work together in raising his kids and his kids mother is in the picture as well we all work together for a common ground of bettering the future of the kids we’re leaving this world to.

Wasting your time. With him the girl will get no where in life.

2 Likes

I wouldn’t want someone else disaplining my child. Except me and the dad…

My stepdaughter is a delight and would never disrespect me, but if she did I wouldn’t have to say a thing because her father (my boyfriend) would be all over her. I may not be married to him yet, but 4 years later there is no doubt we are a family. Run for the hills. That sounds all kinds of toxic

This is not going to change, it’s going to get worse as she gets older. It’s going to be hard. But you must bow out.

4 Likes

DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN ! Get out while you still can …

5 Likes

Without ill advice, see if your fiance will agree to some parental classes…even local churches can help…otherwise this will be a no go…set up for destruction

1 Like

Good thing he’s only a fiance. Do not marry him!!

3 Likes

I’d leave while you still can. Js

3 Likes

He’s let you know how he feels, you should not ignore his feelings. Do you want to remain in that toxic environment? Do you want your child to live in that environment? That’s not your family that’s his. It’s your move Mom. :heart:

4 Likes

I think you know the right answer so why are you asking? If you don’t like the way his kid is sometimes without discipline ask yourself, do you really want your kid to be raised like this? Come on woman

2 Likes

Get out of there. You don’t need to be treated like that when you’re about to be raising another child. He’s incredibly inconsiderate and y’all don’t seem to be on the same page as parents.

Being a stepmom is by far harder than being a biological mother. I’m also learning this with my step daughter and am ready to leave the whole relationship because of her selfishness and lies. She’s 19 and everyone says to “throw her out”, but that would only make me feel like he’s choosing me over his daughter. He’s trying to get me to stay, but there’s no change on her part…and I’m the crazy one because she’s not okay with boundaries after carrying out a colossal lie for 2 years(almost as long as we’ve had her). Her mom had her dad come get her because she was being a sneaky liar.

Umm I kinda feel bad that you are having a kid with him… " put you in your place". ? It’s only going to get worse. I have a child with a verbal, mental, emotionally abusive guy. Although I kicked him out. Your man sounds the same.

2 Likes

Teenage daughters …and you have no authority per her father. Nightmare for you. I’m so sorry. Get out now.

1 Like

Get out before it’s too late he has already said he doesn’t care

1 Like

Leave. Now. It will get worse.

3 Likes

The fact you even have to ask this question should give you a clear sign to get the hell out of that relationship, pregnant and all say bye bye!

5 Likes

Run away, don’t walk!

4 Likes

Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett did an episode on this. Watch it and see if it helps you. Sounds like you may need to get her mother involved.

2 Likes

Parenting includes discipline…he needs to understand this concept.

3 Likes

Get the hel away from that man. Did you read what he told you? He is dangerous.

4 Likes

It will never work out because you all will never be on the same page. He has totally disrespected and disregarded your feelings and that will never change. Been there done that.

I hope you leave. His mindset will NEVER change

3 Likes

Time to go on what he said alone. If he never sees y’all being a family, he actually told you how it is. That’s it. Being a step parent is tricky… but especially the discipline part.

1 Like

Ohhhh sorry he needs to go!!! Been there it doesn’t change if he won’t accept it now!!! Go find someone who really luvs u!!!

2 Likes

That’s bs. If you are doing everything a mother should do for her then you should be able to correct her. Correcting has nothing to do with mistreating and everything to do with making sure you are raising a good person. I had step-children but their mom kept them away from their dad when he marry me so I never got to interact with them. But I also had children from a previous marriage, and when it came to correcting mine I never allowed any form of physical punishment, and I didn’t like all the yelling (I have two girls). So, we would have “family meetings” where my husband could say the things he saw he didn’t like/agreed with/or things the girls were messing up on. Then we would determine appropriate action/punishment/consequences. I’ve always been the disciplinarian for the girls, so a lot of times the girls would be more worried about pissing me off… sometimes he got to play “good cop” and when it was something he was really mad about or felt disrespected by the girls he would discuss it with me previously and then we both sit down and discuss it at the family meeting. If we disagreed on something we would discuss it in private after the family meeting and then let the girls know the outcome after our “private meeting”… I always tell the girls they can’t expect him to act like a dad ONLY when is CONVENIENT to them. You are either involved or not. Is shitty of your partner to be that way. To this day, my girls still consider their step-father their dad even tho we are divorced now. They go visit him, spend time with them, and continue to include him in their lives Communication is key. You have to talk to him, and lay out your concerns. If he feels he doesn’t want you involved in her education maybe you shouldn’t be involved in doing half of the shit you are doing for her either. To be a family you don’t have to be blood related.

Ex fiance and soon to be baby daddy and Co parent with a court documents for you as primary caregiver and he has visitation with monthly child support. He’s showing his true colors and his parenting skills. Let him go!

3 Likes

Would you allow a stranger on the street to be disrespectful towards you? Doubtful, I bet you’d say something, that is how I go about things. I would never lay my hands on any child, but I’m not going to be talked to any sort of way, by a child or another adult without me standing up for myself.
Also, Sounds like you don’t have a stepchild problem, you have a SO problem.

You’re pregnant with his other child ??.. That’s a hard one… So he expects you to only discipline your child thats on the way… I would sit down and say " im pregnant with your other child… But we never will be a family ??"… I would tell him everything that you pretty much just said to everyone else… 12 years old… Its only going to get worse… If things dont change soon i would get real hard… Completely cold to the stepdaughter… As if i was nothing to her… Like he said… What he said was very hurtful… I would be cold toward him too… Thats harsh !!! If he doesnt want to be a family, id leave now… Let him go… Or talk it out…

Just gonna throw it out there…where’s her mom?

1 Like

He’s raising a brat sorry but he and you need to both discipline or she’s not going to be a very good adult that’s a problem with some kids no discipline and it’s not doing them any favors he’s wrong also to say you’re not family he needs to respect you you’re stepdaughter needs to respect everyone

1 Like

He needs to be her dad rather then trying to be best friend kids need rules and boundaries and need to know theres consequences to bad behaviour

Wash your hands… it will never change…

1 Like

Be careful of a man who says “put you in your place.” In my experience, this indicates deep views held. If he’s not even open to conversation about his daughter, who he allows u to care for/live with, this indicates a lot also.

You already know the answer. You are hoping someone will agree with him so you can justify staying. DON’T. You may love him, but he doesn’t love you. In any way shape or form. Think of how he will allow ‘his’ daughter to treat YOUR child. Don’t give either one the opportunity. Pride aside, leave NOW and the RIGHT man will come along at the right time. Good luck girl!! Be strong, for your baby. YOU. GOT. THIS!!

4 Likes

Why ask the question, you already know the answer to? You can’t change a person’s behavior or love them better. His child is treating you like her father does. He’s taught her to be disrespectful.

It’s not your job it’s his and if can’t do that imagine with the one to your caring he needs counseling if he don’t want to get out

GET OUT NOW! Run as far from them as you can and never look back!

4 Likes

He’s a selfish ignorant dick head. I’m sorry but if he does not change his thought patterns, i see a breakup, who wants to put up with someone like that and allow him to belittle them? Hopefully not you.

what??? run lady run

2 Likes