RUN!! You can raise your baby without him .
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There are a few ways to look at this one…
Unfortunately some parents like to play the good, cool parent when their relationship with the childs biological other half did not work. Therefore they will always choose the kids side no matter how much of a brat they may or may not be and make excuses of “oh you’re not always with her or you don’t know her because she’s not yours.” Where it is true or probable there is no excuse for disrespect. The kid may be disrespectful because she sees daddy being disrespectful to you? So she thinks she can walk over you also. And if so, Put him in his place and leave. It may be tough but You don’t have to stay for sake of the kid you have created together. Also, you have to wonder why did the parent split in the first place!?
Alternatively, and Sometimes, therefore I will partially agree with the guy (but not in the hasty matter he went about it), it could also be your personal mood that day and the patience you have at the time. There’s three sides to the story, therefore it’s kinda hard to say really who is right and who is wrong because we aren’t there to witness the kid and her interaction therefore it’s only her viewpoints.
I am with someone who has a tweenager and Its hard. You have to co parent from a distance. But if she disrespects me when I’m alone with her she will know to stop and she’s good. Sometimes I tell dad, sometimes I don’t. Not every encounter needs to be mentioned. We get along for the most part but everyone has their days and teens have more of them! If it’s her acting out with both of us together, I let him take the wheel. It’s his kid. If he doesn’t say something, I say something to him on the side. It’s up to him to parent.
However now you two are about to be parent together, better get him in check and how you two will deal with parenting his or her consequences together. It may be different because that’s your kid. Or you are getting a glimpse of one of the reasons why him and his ex may not be together anymore!?
Either way good luck and hope it works out
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Leave now…from experience you will never be respected in this relationship and he has shown who he is and where it stands when it comes to you…don’t get caught in the “hope syndrome” thinking he will change because he won’t…
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Maybe you need to put him in place and run. He won’t change once the baby comes. He’ll only get worse. Maybe suggest counseling and see what his thoughts are on that. Best of luck.
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Been there, it doesn’t change. I hope you do what’s best for you an your child. You need positive energy not negative. An sounds like that’s what he is.
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Nearly 7 year in here and if you can before it gets worse, leave. This doesn’t fix itself!! TRUST me!! The child will play this fiddle until someone, DAD changes. And from the sounds of it, he will not! My ss is 9 and is ALLOWED to disrespect myself, my 2 boys AND his dad! There are absolutely no consequences or parenting and if I try…YIKES!!! You will never be able to fix this! Good luck
Sorry to break the news but if that’s his mind set it’s time you make plans on moving on because clearly your opinion doesn’t matter to him and he would only feel that your against him and his child relationship and anything she does to lash out or behave badly would be blamed on u even when your not around run for the hills
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And how, pray tell, does he intend to put you in your place? I know you may not want to hear this or you may not want to acknowledge this, but it is time to move on. Please for your sake and that of your unborn child, you must take the reins of your life in your hands.
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Leave that situation
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I’ve been in the same position with my fiancé except I have two children of my own and I’m not expecting one with him. But he is the same way as you are talking about right now. He wants to discipline my children and says I am way too soft on them, but when it comes to his kids, they are perfect. We can talk about things they do wrong but I don’t have any say in it in the end. I’ll give you a picture of what will happen with you. He couldn’t handle my 12-year-old who has a lot of mental health issues and the way I handled her, so he left on Thursday. He then texted me and told me how horrible my kids are and how horrible I am for letting them get away with everything, when all I am concerned about is holding my children accountable while I temper the consequences with their mental health. They have older siblings and a narcissistic dad who put them in positions that they can’t emotionally handle, and it creates a war zone with me trying to figure out how to help them and give consequences at the same time… and my former fiancé has never understood this, and he doesn’t understand it, and I don’t know that he ever will. So for now, we’re not together, because I have to focus on what is best for my children’s mental health as well as my own. He can’t control everything, and that makes him feel left out and upset, and he takes it out on me and the kids. This may not be the same Exact situation as yours, but I see a lot of the same factors. He feels like his children and the problems they do have when they get smart or they bully their siblings or bully at school, I have no say in anything. I have finally realized that we can’t be together if this is the case. Especially when he holds my children and needs to such a high standard and lets his kids that he puts on a pedestal that I’m not allowed to touch.
Sweetheart please don’t ignore the red flags 
it seems like he trust you enough to babysit her nd to impregnate you with his unborn child, so what’s the difference? Wish you the best!
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Wow! What! I can’t believe he said those horrible things! You are his family, and she lives with you! Very serious talk needs to happen or this situation is only going to get worse! Go to counseling, something has to change before she becomes a teenager!
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Oh HELL NO! He has the wrong mindset about how things should be regarding family. With that said, my current husband and I have a blended family and I discipline my kids and he disciplines his kids. I always felt it was not my place as a stepparent to discipline his children. I know other’s opinions are different on the matter. But your fiancee should at least step up and respect you and discipline his child. Let him deal with her disrespectful ass on his own. DO NOT marry this man. It will be a lifetime of hell…I promise you.
It sounds as if he has no respect where you are concern. If his behaving in this manner pre marriage while you are pregnant with his child well he doesn’t seem to be concerned with how the arguments effect you and his unborn. May you make the best choice for you and your. Unborn child.
Leave… Please dear… I learned the hardest way possible…don’t ignore the red flag…it’s better to be safe than sorry…
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The courts will take care of the daughter eventually. Be good to yourself.
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Run…if u let him treat u like that now it’s only going to get worse & if the step-daughter sees him disrespecting u she’s going to keep doing it. Then comes child #2. Is he going to refuse to discipline that child? Then that child will c him disrespecting u & child #2 will disrespect u. Then u will have 3 people disrespecting u & u will b miserable & wish u would have left before ur baby was born.
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He just told you how he really feel! I hate to tell you this but, you were just a void to fulfilled there needs during that time period. Now you pregnant by a man that has no respect and a back bone to back you up! I sorry it’s time to go! Take your blessing and cut your losses. Take this as a blessing and you dodged a bullet by not marrying this man!
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I dealt with this. It’s so hurtful and disrespectful. It won’t change.
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Run. I’ve been there and it never gets better. You will be sexond fiddle to a child. She already knows theres no consequences and will continue until ahe finally get her daddy to blame everything on you.
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I would leave because he has already shown you . I was in a very similar situation. I came into my stepdaughter s life when she was 7 yrs and never allowed to discipline are even tell her iif what she did was wrong and by the time she wss 10 yrs he and her started treating my daughter and myself bad plus are daughter we had together and he always would put his hands on me for any and everything she did so I would leave
Oh hell f@ ck , NO !.
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As hard as it is walk away
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Dodge that bullet and don’t make him your husband!
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LEAVE NOW!!! Protect yourself and your unborn baby. If he feels this way now it will likely just get worse over time. Good luck 
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Leave. It won’t get better
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If you plan to stay. You have every right to state to her that she can treat everyone else with disrespect but not you. Then the extra things you do for her you stop doing. And ignore her when she doesn’t need the basics. If your fiance objects tell him she’s his problem.
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Run…he is a control freak
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Wow ,I think he needs putting in his place. You need to put your foot down, you’re having his child and need to be together on how you chastise your children. While you are together you are a family and have family rules. If he thinks your wrong in how you deal with things, then he should talk about it out of ear shot of his daughter and support you and be supportive to you !
Depends on how you’re disciplining her. If you were hitting her with a belt, I wouldn’t want to be with you after that either.
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Get a new fiance ! It’ll just get worse and that child will run that house ! Put an end to it now
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Tell him you’re not watching him when he’s not around…see how quick that changes.
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It’s obvious he has poor parenting skills and he certainly ain’t husband material
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Leave now. Don’t have anything to do with either of them… When they miss you, they may see you in a different way. You are more than a cook, house keeper, and baby sitter. Or stay and be told you aren’t allowed to discipline your own child. You will be bailing them both out of jail thru out the teenage years…
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And the point of you asking what you should do?
You know the answer but don’t want to accept it.
He told you that y’all would never be a family…that says it all.
Honey thing’s are only gonna get worse. Why be with someone, live in a household with a man & his 12yr old brat but you can’t say shit about shit but about to bring a child into the world for this disrespectful ass man.
I’d leave his ass with his daughter.
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It’s not ur place to punish ur step child. It’s his kid
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Get out now if you think it will get better it won’t.
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If my fiancé told me that about his teenage son I would have left. He and I both brought one child each into our relationship and we have a daughter together and even tho I’m the “step” mom to his and he’s the “step” dad mine, our house will be ran the way we want it when they are here. He disciplines mine (no spanking) and I discipline his (no spanking). Blended families are hard work but it CAN work if both parties are willing to be equal partners.
Not a family and never will be. Bye, dude.
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He sounds like a complete dickhead I’d walk straight out the door! You disciplining your step daughter is the least of your problems
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Number 1 thing is to disengage from her, not her dad and no more hugs for her and no more arguments over her behavior! Also, since her father doesn’t view u as a family to her, then let him raise her up alone, while you focus on your relationship without her. That child is being manipulative! She is misbehaving and wants you out of the pic because she sees you as a threat at this time (developmental stage) and her bad behavior is continuing because it is being rewarded by her Dad’s support. Do not let her be your major source of concern. The hugs and etc should be suspended for now. In the case of your fiance, he must have had a bad experience as a little boy and feels this is only way of closure, those are issues that will be resolved as time goes on. But this is not the time to break up over a little girl!
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Wow, what an awful situation to be in. Deep down inside you know the truth and you know what you have to do but the thought of this family unit keeps you there. Fear keeps you there. But only you can make the decision. But people will only do what you allow and when you allow it then they’ll keep going. Don’t be another victim staying in relationships they should have been out of. Don’t waste anymore of your time with someone who will disrespect you like that. In the end itll never be worth it
Yikes!! He actually said that? Maybe you should ask him just exactly what he thinks your “place” is because it sounds like your place is babysitter and housekeeper. I think I would be rethinking things if I were you.
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Get out while you can…
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I’d say Oh Really well you and your disrespectful ass kid can hit the road:+1:
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Walk away now and save yourself from a lot of future heartache
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You need to leave now. Take the baby and get as far away as possible. If he can be that nasty and tell you he needs to put you back in your place he doesn’t see you as his equal but below him.
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My boyfriend and I each came into our relationship with children. From day one, when we started introducing them to our relationship, we came to the understanding that they were all equal. We had had many discussions about discipline and where we both stood. We both discipline and correct each other’s children as a team. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Kids need to see us as a team.
Soo many RED flags pregnant or not you need to step out of the relationship. YOU and your baby deserve better. Trust your gut…
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Oh hell no 
well you either decide now to let it go n let him deal with her 
% when it comes to discipline, or let her ruin your life but if that’s the way he looks at it, “we’re not family and will never be” 
looks like you shouldn’t be baring his child too with that ugly, detached attitude 
you’re looking for a life filled with instability while she’s there acting like a brat and being able to 
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Id put him in his place. He said you arent family and never will be and your pregnant with his kiddo…at that point id be done.
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Holy shit. That is not okay. You need to leave. I know it’s not easy to see that, but his behavior is abusive and will only decline from here. Save yourself years of heartache and go somewhere safe while you get counseling and a divorce.
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communication is key you mean to tell me 2 years and a discussion about discipling children was not had…communicate ask him why he finds it hard to stand his ground with her discuss ways you two can come together to solve this if he is still being stubborn i suggest yoi leave it surely wont get any better and he said it with his own mouth you are not a family…so he wont miss you
Try to figure out why her behavior has shifted. Help her deal w being 12… do you remember how confused you were about who you were, life, probs at school, jealousy… reach out your hand first…
Is mom in the picture? Maybe a talk about how new baby will fit into this picture and how baby and stepdaughter will be raised. It’s pretty rude for him to suggest putting you in your place. If that’s a regular thing that might be the basis of your troubles and if you want to continue in that life. Good luck. What a sticky situation.
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It is never going to work. You might as well face that now. If he doesn’t respect you and doesn’t make her respect you. There is no family bond here. You are not a part if his family you are a maid. Run and don’t look back. This child is going to have a horrible life because not everyone is going to accept her behavior. I’m so sorry for you but better you find out now before you marry is lazy man. I’m sorry he will not take the time to explain to this child you treat people the way you want to be treated. God bless you and your baby
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Stop taking care of him and providing
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Wow run away. If hes upset about it yall were never a family to start with so who cares you can go on your way happily and one day have someone who thinks of you as family. That guys a dick.
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And tell your fiance how you fell
so sad for you!!! Definitely not the type of man I would want to spend my life with. More than likely you will always be the outsider.
Find a different person to marry.
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Leave him 4 a good long while…then when u decide 2 go bak 2 him and his problem child set some rules if don’t work…life goes on u and ur baby will b fine…donot settle 4 that…u and ur baby are worth more than that…do it now …cause it’s only goin 2 get worse…he respects his child more that u…wat about the one that’s n ur stomach …trust me it’s not gonna get better…unless u make it better…god bless…stay strong…
If he said that last sentence to me…I would of held the door open for him…
buddy. Chances are you can explain your feelings to him, won’t change anything.
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The way he disciplines his kid says a lot what type of future husband and father he would be. So, better save yourself now than be sorry
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Um… leave? Theres obviously a problem there. Woman up and gtfo.
Seek some counseling. Its helped my husband and I soo much when its come to blending our family. I had 3 kids previously and then we had one together. It’s hard and its work and not always easy to find a counselor. But it’s hard having a split family too. Sometimes things are said in anger when people are feeling defensive. I’m not saying what he said was ok cause it’s not. But things can get better if people are willing to seek outside help and put in what can be really hard work.
Stop saying stepmom, take it out of your vocabulary- u are a second mom, she has two moms now! And she is your daughter not a step daughter! Get it together, get counseling, it shouldn’t be this hard. If dad isnt on board ur in a world of s#$t. It starts with him, she is just a little girl and she will get away with what is allowed. Maybe he had a terrible stepmom and that’s why he feels that way. But your a SECOND MOM, somehow he has to believe you truly love her too! good luck!
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Wait. So the baby your about to have is not going to be her sibling because its a half sibling? Wtf? This is toxic! Stop treating her like your own. Wait till they see you with your child and all the love you have for your child. That will cause so much shit cause than youll be the bad one for treating HIS child different! Girl i see a long and torturous future ahead of you
It is difficult enough for two biological parents to agree on punishments at all times and always be on the same page when raising children … so in your particular case … he made it very clear. Harshly. Time to leave. Wait until the kid is 14 15 16 17 … gonna be a shit show
Umm… yeah, I HATE to say this. I’d leave. I had a very similar situation. I’m a stepmother to a 12 year old boy. His father and I now have a 1 year old. If this was his response to me when we were dealing with this same situation almost, I would have left. That is horrible. His response is horrible.
You need to get out of that relationship and fast
And she’s only going to get worse your main focus is you and that baby right now!! Walk out befor is too late or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life and I’m talking from experience not only are you putting your baby at risk but your bringing him or her into a unstable home! Per his you’ll never be a family!
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Pick up your stuff an go🤷🏻♀️
Try this for a week or two and say nothing. Don’t clean, wash , cook , get child ready for school , shop , run out for them . When he says anything , tell him this is what happens when there is no consequences are in play . If that doesn’t work, maybe consider leaving . That’s the price they pay for disrespecting you
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Ahhhhhh hell nawwwww!! Girl you got to go
If he said that, then he basically said you are not part of that family. Take yourself out of the equation. Life long problems are ahead of you if you stay in that relationship. Sorry to say it, but you need to move on and be in a healthy relationship
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You need to pack up and leave!!! Life is only going to get worse with this man!!! Take it from one who knows if you don’t have respect in a relationship you have nothing !!! Believe me when this child because a teenager there’s going to be no living with her!!! Get out now before you have this other child !!!
Leave him. That’s terrible 
Leave him
Matters are only going to get worse.
decide you’re going to live with being a doormat / housekeeper with no rights and all the responsibilities, pack up and leave and remember that this spineless loser is going to coparent the child you unfortunately created with him, or get your asses to counseling now about your rights as a parent to both kids equally or you’ll find your baby being mistreated and abused and felt inferior because it won’t get away with the stuff your stepchild does.
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Get rid of both of them now, it won’t change
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Me and my man have 7 kids between us and we don’t call them step kids. They are our kids! All get treated the same and I would never speak to him that way or allow him to speak to me that way!!! If we don’t agree on how to discipline then we talk about it in private but we usually agree.
One word leave him!! How dare he not think your a family, your good enough to greet her from school and look after her I take it your there as his skivvy!!
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Is this your stepdaughter or his biological daughter?
Don’t go any further in y’all’s relationship, you may love him but don’t let that stop you from walking out and don’t let being pregnant stop you. Trust what people are telling you it can get worse and if there is any chance’s it gets better would be years and years down the road. By then you lost you self worth. Please don’t let that happen a man can make a woman feel like everything is her fault and but not he’s at fault. I would rather see you leave him with your baby and stead of having your child turn out like his son, and then it would be to later. If you have family and friends that love you what more could you ask for. God Bless take care and I hope it turns out well for you and your baby 
He’s letting her see that it is acceptable to disrespect u in that way and she will feel far to comfortable in the future doing it ,seen as he has basically said it’s ok. Things will only get worse with them both I’m afraid x
He’s telling you so so much in what he said and especially his actions I agree get out now it will only get worse Read what he said and rewind it all No one can tell u anything but you, so listen to what he speaks and if that’s what you want then stay
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This is a no win situation for now. Your fiance’ needs a dose of reality. You do not need to put up with that disrespect and neither does your baby as it gets older. If you are respectful of his daughter and are taking her as your own - going into this - he needs to be on the same page. That is family.
Whoa! Step away NOW! He told you clearly “we are not a family, you are only her step mom” he’s diminishing your position in his daughters life & degrading your relationship. He obviously does not see things the way you do. Your expecting a baby yourself which SHOULD join all of you together as this baby will be the older child’s sister hence being a “family” … if he still doesn’t see it that way he’s never going to! Take your baby & create your own family. Step or not!
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If you are not allowed to step parent my way. I am out.
I will be her friend than. It is 100% on him.
She can come home from school and I do not care or take responsibility for anything.
What you cannot do is stress out while pregnant.
I am 100% in or 100% out.
You need to leave. That situation will only get worse once you have your baby. His disrespect for you will only grow worse after your baby is born. Get out now!
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Sounds like a narcissist raising another narcissist. Slippery slope😢
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Sooo disturbing! “Maybe I need to put you back in your place, not her”. We will never be a family! Things will only get worse! Get out while you still can! You deserve better than this trash hon!
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You’re not a family, why are you still living with them? You and your child is enough to be a family… why stress yourself if they don’t want you?
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Very sad that these words were spoken. Have strength and gratitude for all. Now you must know that they will be in your life forever due to the new child arriving. Move now and press forward.
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Time to say goodbye to that jerk. He obviously does not respect you at all. And bringing another child into your situation will only make things worse. Don’t let him treat you this way. Take action NOW!
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Leave, you’re never gonna win…
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Oooff! I’m so sorry. I’ve been here. Except I had 3 stepdaughters to deal with. Ot started out just at the summer, then the middle one moved in for over a yr till she and my oldest were caught having sex. Got sent back to her mother. They all 3 began to come for the summer. It’s always drama and chaos when they come. I’m not allowed to punish them as I would my own children. I must walk on egg shells careful not to offend them. I’m sorry for what your husband said. He is supposed to side with you.
LEAVE since"your not considered apart of the family " it won’t change it’ll just get worse. No man should ever tell his wife that especially when you’re pregnant with his other child.
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Get out while you can. At 12 kids should not be getting spankings therefore other forms of discipline are in play and wouldn’t cause an issue with worrying if the child will be abused. If you can help support the child in every form, you should be able to discipline the child.