It’s never too late to back away.
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Run fast! Your child deserves better! It will never get better. Thats a horrible thing to say and way to treat the mother of your child.
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Get out now. He sounds like a jerk.
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Get outta there. That is wrong on so many levels. You will never be family baby or not. He is not allowing you guys to be a family. That is the first sign of not being welcomed there. I wouldnt put up with it.
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Move out now before he gets a chance to damage this child too
Don’t look back and stay away as much as possible
Don’t date again until your child is an adult - you don’t choose well
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I totally agree with the above comments. But why dont you try the other way. It seems you dont have other problema with ur hubbby. So give it a time. Wen u get ur baby delivered you can focus on her. So they might miss your care and might come back to you. Keep the terms good with hubby and allow some time for teen age girl to understand. Dont give a damn abt her. And some point he might realize. Even if they dont, dn mind and be happy wit ur kid.
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You need to put her in her place… outside your life. When you are with someone in a familiar way, plan marriage, and have a child you are a family. That includes step children. If your fiance cannot see that, then they are the problem. To me it sounds like a control issue, and that’s enough to make me ruin.
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Leave … this is the foundation being built for an abusive relationship. Leave before your child is born and you’re stuck.
It’s your job to protect this baby … so do it.
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Just leave. It will never change.
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I had a similar situation I was not allowed to discipline his two children. They only vitisited every other week end. So I stepped back took care of mine. His daughter got pregnant at 13. His son dropped out of school at 16.
They are straightened out in life now working and have families. But it was Hell
It took them till 30’s to get independence together. Not saying my help would have been better. but it would have been different.
When children have too much freedom they have consequences to pay.
Time to move on. He’s already said in his response not allowing you to discipline her, you all are not a family? That means he’s not invested in a future with you. For me that is all that would need to be said and I’m out 
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If your not a family and never will be why are you all still living as one? At 20wks you Sony need that stress and it will get worse especially if you have a boy…leave! It will be hard as a single but but if u surround yourself with a good support group you will be just fine I’m am talking from experience.
You can’t change a narcissist, leave him now and save yourself and your unborn child the pain of trying to love ppl who don’t know how to love wholly. Take control of your life and prepare yourself for a new beginning with your baby.
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Oh sweet girl, you need to put your foot down right now and tell him he needs to act like a responsible husband and Father. If he wishes not to do this, you need to get out now. Its not going to get any better. Maybe that is the reason he is divorced in the first place. Good luck. Praying for you and your baby.
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You are the perfect built in, non paid version of his daughter’s babysitter. He reaps the rewards of your family atmosphere, but doesn’t allow you to benefit from it.
It will NOT improve with time. You’re setting yourself up for more future heartbreak.
Get Out NOW!
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Are these questions for real?!!
He says you’re not family even tho you’re carrying HIS baby?!
Come on!
You really need to be told what you should do?!
LEAVE!
If he is telling you this now and while you are carrying his child, it will never get any better. Take your baby and leave. You will be better off raining this child alone. He will never change.
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The pecking order is him his daughter then you
Yes leave and make a life for you and your baby…sounds like your BF needs to grow up…leave him to care for this child…he sounds like a jerk your life will never be any better with him…some things never change…go get your own place and be your own boss…
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Ouch!! He has her on a pedestal above everyone. She can’t do anything wrong. Either she obeys your rules in your house or get out of there. That was a threat and should be taken as one.
Time to find another man!
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Wtf? That is not healthy and you deserve better. I was in that before. It was always his kids before mine.
Leave him. He doesn’t consider you family.
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Eventually he will abuse you even more, or the baby. GET OUT NOW!
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WALK AWAY NOW
Number 1. She will always be his 1st choice right or wrong. That’s who he will support.
Number 2. Stop trying to parent her. Let him deal with it just like he wants it, and when things get out of hand and he begins to see what you tried to show him, then you can resume.
Number 3. She knows how he feels so she will never accept you as a parent until he does. She will give you hell just to see how far she can go.
Number 4. With the mentality that his daughter is right and you aren’t her parent you will always be disrespected in that house and when your child is born expect it to get worse if he shows the baby any attention.
I’ve saw this before. Both women stayed. One the wife stopped parenting, the husband started to recognize his kid was the problem, made corrections and they raised the kid to adulthood and are still a family.
The other one the wife stopped parenting at the request of the husband because if she parented or tried to discipline the child in any way he became volatile and broke things, cursed and bullied her. He gave the child rewards to act good when her behavior was bad. By the time she was 13 she was stealing from stores, lying constantly, failing every subject in school, ditching class and he blamed it on the teachers. She ran away, went to foster care, ran away, went to a relative, ran away and live pillow to post, tried prostitution. She is now 20, has a baby and not a clue about what’s in store for her.
The wife finally left, remarried another ass, but the stepdaughter now lives with her because the dad’s family doesn’t even support her in any way. She always knew the step mom cared about her but her misbehavior is so ingrained it is hard for her to realize and accept when she is wrong.
Because he has alread shown you who he is and what he thinks of you, I say: Save yourself some heartache. WALK AWAY, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200, just keep it moving and consider it life experience.
Things may get better after you have the baby. In that you will understand that punitive measures are not always needed when dealing with children. Loving correction works as wellI . I also feel that very few step parents genuinely love step children .Also there are 2 versions to every story …sorry if my response offends.
You did said fiancé! Correct? Not married correct? Your expecting a child from him? You have not married him! As long as he’s your fiancé and you are not his wife. Since you will never be family, no need of being the baby sitter. You keep you’re and he can keep full custody of his.
Leave him and his child. You and your child will be fine. Your child will grow up knowing when and how to stay in a child’s place. Being respectful and obedient.
Leave you got your marching orders to get in your place.
That’s controlling on his part talking to you like that, it may not stop after having the baby or you getting married, and that’s concerning. If he treats you like that now… he will in the future… just an opinion.
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I believe you already know your answer. He told you! Now you must make a hard decision…do you stay? Or do you leave? And I will remind you, he most likely will not change his opinion. I think you do know what you have to do…for yourself & your unborn child. Listen to your gut…you mustered up the courage to post your problem here…now muster up the courage to do what is right. By the way, in my opinion, he doesn’t love you…he owns you…it’s his way.
I’m sorry I know it’s hard but you need to leave. This man who impregnated you and asked for your hand in marriage is claiming you will never be a family??? The only mistake I see here is if you say I Do! Get out now before it gets worse.
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Suggest you and him go to counseling get professional advice talk this thing out. Maybe go to a session with counselor first to get your side going then with him. Maybe he doesnt have the knowledge of how this works. If someone talked with him and you (dont blame him he will fight it more) just say we should get advice. If he refuses then walk.
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He isn’t being right by you. I’m sorry, but something is wrong with that relationship. You need to deal with it NOW!! He shouldn’t talk to you that way.
While I applaud the man for protecting his daughter, if he expects this woman to parent her, he has to allow her the proper tools/space to do it. If he feels you’re “not a family”, then that mom shouldn’t be watching the child. Set up after care & only parent her himself. Smh.
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It will only get worse… I’ve seen this first hand. Where is the mother who birthed her?
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Kick her ass outdoors and find a job while she’s still in her knowing everything
Irresponsible or not
Get out now…I was in the same situation…it will not improve…now my stepson is 26 and treats me like shit even though I have been the one supporting him and not his father…it gets worse…not better…
I’m sorry but that is no way I’d ever get spoken to by my fiancé or husband. Sadly, this is a red flag—don’t ignore it.
Walk away. You are getting married and are pregnant, but “will never be a family” uhhh bye! There are plenty of programs to help single moms and he does NOT sound like someone you want to raise a child with.
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Leave, that is a very toxic situation to raise your little one in.
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I was in the same situation only my husband that. Married to now for 34 years we went to council to learn how to disaplen hes son I was always afraid that I would make he’s do. Hate me because I was the Sept mother or have my husband and I fighting bet they thought him how to disaplen him and me to and thought us how to communicate with each other and not let a he’s son put us against each other but if he’s not will to work as a team then it’s not going to work a relationship is something you have to work o. Together if not it won’t work and can’t be juts you working by yourself . It’s do easy for everyone to tell you that is around you to leave because some of them have failed relationships themselves it’s so easy to just leave I wish you luck and God watch over you and your family
Too bad it’s too late to terminate the pregnancy. The relationship seems doomed at this ppint.
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Don’t marry him & get out while the getting is good
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He treating her as adult and you as the child. Won’t change. Need to leave.
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Walk out and find a man who really loves you
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Your not a family but your ok to be cook cleaner and childminder oh be there for him too?? I’d tell him to sort child care after school…also put you back in your place what sort of threat is that? I’d pack my bags and go …good luck
I wouldn’t say leave just yet. Everyone is always in such a rush to leave or end things when things get tough (or don’t go their way). I don’t agree with this mentality. If it is not safe, then that is a different story. You are pregnant. Therefore, you both share a child. If your fiance and you get along generally, other than this one issue, and ur relationship is otherwise healthy, then I would think it is worth trying to salvage ur relationship. Ok, now onto the question at hand. He needs to let u discipline her. Period. U may not always agree on methods of discipline, but u both need to show a united front. Otherwise, it is never going to work. U and he could sit down and discuss various issues/scenarios that keep occurring with ur step-daughter and how u both could handle the discipline. And if a situation comes up in the future that u and he have not encountered and discussed, then the both of u need to go into a closed bedroom and discuss it calmly. If he keeps being the only one to discipline his (both of ur) daughter, then she will learn to disrespect u. He is teaching her that. He is teaching her that only his word is golden in that household. And a household divided will not stand. U need to tell him that u and he need to please have a talk. That talk should be away from any little ears and out of the public. U can tell him how ur feeling, listen to his side too. Tell him how it makes u feel and what ur hopes are. Be prepared to also tell him that unless u two can come up with an agreement on how to raise and discipline the children, ur afraid of the options that might leave all of u. Make sure to tell him that u will not treat ur step-daughter any differently that ur own child that u share. Ur step-daughter is at a tough age, but that does not mean she should disrespect u and get away with things. Perhaps u could spend some one-on-one time with her. Perhaps start off by telling her that u are excited to spend time together and hope she is willing to give it a try. She may be going through alot as well. And maybe some individual and/or family counseling would help. Most towns have a family services agency that could provide those services for a discounted rate, or even free, if need be. I was and am in a very similar situation, and I had to let my fiance discipline my other 2 children who were not his. We also have a shared child. He does not treat any of the children any differently from the other. Believe me, we have had our share of ups and downs. But remember, every relationship is about working together daily. Nothing is ever a given nor always easy. As long as the relationship is generally a healthy one, u both love one another, and u both communicate, that is a great foundation to build on. I wish u all good luck.
Gah, my first thought when I read what he said was “RUN!” This all sounds like it will only continue to get worse for you, I’m so sorry.
You are not FAMILY!! Deal breaker right there. You are fighting a battle you will not win when he is so controlling. Wish you and your baby luck!!
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Consider a new fiancé
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Ummm that’s a clear sign to tell this asshole to go f@&k himself… run girl
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You still with him tho right?
I would leave thats fucked up
Please, leave. You are being used sweetie. You will never be his family - I note that despite being together for a long time, despite you having his baby - you are not married. He’s looking to the future - child support but not a penny for you. Please leave now, so you have time to make a home for your baby. As she enters her teens, his daughter will get worse, not better. Let him cope with her - she’s his problem. Time for you to look after yourself & not kill yourself looking after 2 nasty selfish people. Xx
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I’ve been with my man for almost 7 years and he has a 7 year old stepson that I’ve helped raised, love, and teach right from wrong. We never really argue over me putting my foot down with my stepson because my boyfriend sees us as a family, even my stepsons mother is on the same page as us as we all see each other as family. I know not many people get lucky like this, but at the end of the day we are all adults and love this little man to death and want him to grow into a kind man. So far, so good. It did take me a while to be comfortable with acting like a mother to him because his dad and I had just started dating back then and I didn’t want to confuse him.
All in all, I AM a mother to him, and I see them ALL as family as do they with me. I’m sorry your husband isn’t on the same page as you and I hope it changes soon.
red flag sign he will be abusive / is abusing you
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Run now and have him sign away his parental right on child you are carrying.
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Honey RUN from ANY man who thinks you should be “put in your place” that’s awful, so sorry you are dealing with that, especially while pregnant. You and your little one don’t need the stress and toxic behavior from your man or step daughter and it sounds like your relationship with you guy could potentially be headed towards abuse
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Start looking for your own home for yourself and the child you are carrying.hes told you …that your not family in my mind if he thinks that of you now its not gonna be diffrent after that baby your carrying is born to me he’s also making a statement that the baby isnt his family either.hun…get some ducks in a row now it’s NOT gonna get better.
If you dont have a job sign up now for section 8…foodstamps…do what you have to do for u and the bay your carrying.
He will always choose you over her. Your best bet is to do your own thing. Don’t be there when she gets home. Don’t help with advise or homework. Start making plans to separate from the two. If he can’t see your relationship as a partnership then he doesn’t need to be in one. Let him deal solely with her. Alone
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He made it clear. He and his daughter are a family. He does not see you and the baby as such. Get out now. It will only get worse the older his daughter gets. You need to think about your own child now.
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Thats a resounding leave now before your baby arrives and don’t look back no matter what games he pulls to get you to “see” he loves you. That’s not love. He is using you for all you have and when you have nothing left for him to take, he will move onto the next one. Only when you are depleted will he move on. As long as you are there he has his way. You will never be able to discipline your step daughter cause while you see you all as family. They don’t. And your step daughter is going off your fiancées vibes. She doesn’t see you as family cause he doesn’t. Simple as. Thank your lucky stars you are not yet married to the guy so you can pack your stuff and leave and someone who truly loves you will care for you and be a family with you. Only then will you see how wrong these people are for you. I wish you the best. X
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Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction of that pos.
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DO NOT MARRY HIM. same thing happened to me more than 20 years ago. I married him and now I’m raising his grandchildren while his daughter goes back and forth to jail or hangs out doing absolutely nothing!!!
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It will never change.
Pack your shit and leave! Don’t forget to soak his ass for child support!
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I’d walk away.Permanently.
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As a step parent myself I will say this, I allowed my significant other to parent his child. I had my own daughter and as her step parent he never parented my daughter. During the difficult teen years, he made many decisions regarding his daughter that I did not agree with, and there were decisions I made with my daughter that he did not agree with. We still found a way to bring up our children together and be family. The 2 girls regard each other as sisters, my step daughter always did and still does refer to me as her Mom. Which was what she felt comfortable calling me. When my daughter got married her stepfather and her biological father both walked her down the aisle and gave her away. My advice would be just talk to her, let her know what you expect. She will after all make her own decisions good or bad, regardless of what her father or you do.
Allow him to be the parent because this is a no win situation for you. I’ve been the parent and stepparent. When you complain about her behavior he feels the need to defend his child. The dynamic will change after your child is born. Twelve year old pre teens are testing limits. Keep loving and guiding, as best you can. Your relationship with her will change. You don’t say why she’s not with her mother, there might be a lot of underlying issues she’s not being allowed to deal with. His inability to correct her behavior might stem from guilt feelings he has. Let him handle it, don’t argue. If you need a place to vent try to find a local support group.
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Run while u can. Getting married to him will not change a thing.
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Get out,raise your baby with all of love rules
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You’re basically her babysitter then. And if he doesn’t consider you all a FAMILY, then fuck that don’t do anything for her and don’t pick her up from school, nothing. Let him do all the “parenting” when it comes to her since that is HIS daughter and you’re "not her mom"
you’ll see how fast he needs YOU bk to help take care of her and with that then tell him she IS your daughter and you WILL discipline her whether he likes it or not bc you ARE ALL a family and you ARE raising her as well. If he doesn’t like it, then fucking leave him.
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Buh bye. My boyfriend let’s me discipline his kids. I’m not even his fiance.
Leave and do it quickly.
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He flat out said you’ll never be family…he doesnt really want you
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Leave him! It will just get worse.
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Run for the hills…
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Looks like you are only there for his convenience you may love him and his daughter but they dont seem to love and care for you the same I would leave cause once your baby comes things will get worst especially since you are “NOT” family don’t degrade yourself for them you deserve better then settling for this …
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Think long and hard about your place. It’s clear it’s not next to him but beneath him. And you are below the daughter too. I know you love them but do you want your unborn child to come into a house where father is above all and half sibling rules and then maybe you two underneath it all. I would be concerned that new baby wouldn’t be an equal. Children need rules and discipline from both a mother and father figure. Time is running out honey. Make sure you stand your ground because that girl is 12 not 2. She’s closer to adulthood and if she’s manipulative then adding a new baby that gets a lot of attention might cause even bigger issues.
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i was in a similar situation. it escilated to the point a shotgun got involved. i see red flags on your situation! i stuck it out for 12 yrs. was not good for my mental or physical health!
Leave , you dont need him
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Girl get out of there. He clearly has no respect for you & doesn’t think HIS daughter has a problem
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Get out now sis …#BeenThere #HavePeaceInYourLife 
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Have you packed your bags yet?
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Don’t do it. Let him deal with it. I speak from 15 years of experience. Just do you best in bonding with his child use I statements. Unless, the parent is abusive and has the same behaviors they will see the wrong. They have to see it themselves. And the child will bond with you as long as you are not acting as a parent.
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My now “ex” threatened me jail if I discipline his 4 and 6 year old sons even when they were destroying my apartment. I handed him my cell phone and told him to call them. He backed off. He’s not bringing in any money and is always begging me for money or my credit card. I got fed up with him so when he left to go out with his friends. I changed the locks and put his junk on my porch.
Leave them both if that is how they treating you.
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Leave him and HIS daughter to it!! If that’s what he is saying to you now think what will be said months or years down the line. He obviously has no respect for you or his daughter if he’s speaking to you like that and allowing his to do as she pleases! Get ya stuff and go. I would not put up with being an outsider, as that’s what he’s clearly treating you as. Good luck xxx
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I’m so sorry to hear you are 20 weeks pregnant, this is a situation that will only get worse as she realizes you have no power and he will not side with you.
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You’re wasting your time. You need to leave his ungrateful and disrespectful ass. NOW.
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I am not sure on how old she was when her birth mother left her. This behaviour of your step daughter could be the result of any incidents that had happened where we as parents wud have shown the kid that its okay to be disrespectful to anyone. If we dint curb this at the earlier phase, she is going to carry this forever throughout her life. Remember, we are the closest living example for them. Your fiance must have shown disrespect towards u infront of her, and when she sees it, she follow that. You should set a standard for ur self and discuss on how you would like to be treated esp infront of people and if that dint work out, you should leave the toxic relationship. Its not the end, just a bend. Good luck.
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Agree,Pamela Luck,time to pack Girl.
Wow. I’m dealing with something kinda similar, kinda not. I got into a huge argument with my ex on Halloween because his ex wife decided to dump off her other child with him too ( he shares a son with her) and I did not agree. I will never see her as his child or his responsibility, and the mother went to my ex as a last resort. Another reason for my argument. He lets her get away with everything. Its disgusting. Sounds like this guy is letting his daughter get away with bad behavior and I would not want to deal with that either. She needs rules and boundaries and if she doesnt follow then she needs to face the consequences.
Is his name Jerry? My sister dealt with that and now he still tries controlling her because they had kids together but he really doesn’t have much say since she got primary custody but she’s still limited where she can go
I am a step parent, you guys are either on the same page or it will never work. Sorry to say… because you mentioned you’re pregnant and I’m assuming it’s his. Obviously I would suggest a strong heart to heart but be clear, you two have to be a team at co parenting. My husband and I have been together for 20 years and he never once has belittled me or put me 2nd to his son. We have always been on the same page with both our children with discipline and respect.
This is not the kind of family you and your new baby need. He doesn’t respect you as his partner aannd obviously hasn’t shown his daughter respect either or she wouldn’t be bad mouthing you guys. Get out while you can. I see nothing but problems in your future!
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Well this is a huge warning sign. Open your eyes and see this is not a level equal relationship. He does not value you or your relationship. Get put with a quickness.
Red flag, why he said that to you thou? That is not nice
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