Have a sit down… If he’s ok with you taking care of her. Taking her to school. Cooking meals. Buys her clothes ECT. The tell him that’s all going to stop because FAMILIES DO THAT. If you aren’t family then why should you have to? 🤷
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I’d leave him weather or no your married he shouldn’t be allowing her to disrespect either of you and if there are no consequences for her actions she will never learn right from wrong
I think this will not work. Get rid of him and the girl.
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If he’s talking to you and treating you like that when your pregnant trust me that things are only going to get much worse after your baby is born… I would run away now and raise my baby in peace… they will both be a terrible example & influence on your child…
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You’ve got BIG problems I’m afraid. The worst kind both ends.
girl take the baby an run!
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Run girl, and fast. It’s not going to get better, only worse.
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My mother took care of my step sisters for 12 years and they never respected her. My stepfather turned on her and abuse filled my house for 15 years. Leave! And never look back! No man should ever talk to you that way. If he loved you he would truly respect and value your opinion. A man of true value treats his woman like a queen!
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My instinct is to tell you to run because I see a very unhealthy “family” dynamic. You said you love them both dearly. You need closure and I would suggest family counseling. If he won’t agree to that, it’s time to leave. You can’t fix everything yourself and you can’t have a relationship if it’s one-sided. A couple of years is better than a life time of disrespect that will tear at your self respect the longer you stay. Love yourself enough to give yourself the best. I wish you luck and blessing and love.
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you may message me if you like.
there is help for you if you want to move on!
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If you’re never going to be a family why waste your time
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If you aren’t a family and aren’t her mother according to him start charging him for all the childcare you provide for HIS child since he’s using you as a babysitter
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hey there will always be a split in your family
I’m a step child each parent had 4 kids an it wasnt all bad. But alot unfair things happen. More when I left home I heard.
Don’t watch them then
I was in this same situation for 3 years and when I had my son I left the hospital to my own place and separated with my sons father. Now the government took the child for being unruly at school. She even laid her hands on me so if I wa you I would leave!
If he thinks that then he can look after his own child and himself. I wouldn’t cook or clean for them and I would send them a bill for being A slave and I would get out of there. Now how is he going to treat your baby when he’s born
It will never work. Went through the same thing with my ex. I was never allowed to ask the child to even pick up her mess or he would start a fight with me. You need to have a serious talk with him and if that don’t work, leave because it will never get better. And when your child is born, it will be put on the back burner while his daughter runs the show.
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Leave him. He clearly has no respect for you, you do not want your child growing up and watching you get disrespected and treated like that by its father. I’m so sorry your going through this.
Leave him. He said he doesn’t view you as family, so you need to leave. No reason to stay with someone who isn’t family.
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Not your child …I don’t get it she is rude or disrespectful don’t interact with her she will learn you don’t need to discipline her
If your not family then ask why are you left to care for her. You both need to go to counselling. Then decide wether this will work. He is treating you bad now. It will continue on. Will he treat your child like this as well. I’ve been there it didn’t end well. Goodliuck mumma. Don’t stay in a loveless relationship.
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Are you sure you want this?
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His true feelings show. This is very serious … he does not have your back. If he views the three of you unable to be considered a family - and to say that with his child in your belly - he does not have any respect for you, nor does he appreciate and recognize how you do try to be a stepmom. Step moms are moms too. I would begin to make plans to leave and think about the custody of your unborn.
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Sorry to say but that’s only going to get worse as she gets older a friend of mine went through the same thing she is now divorced
It will change once that baby is born. He is only used to him and his daughter. When the new baby arrives things should fall into place as far as family goes. If it doesn’t then I would leave. I went through a similar ordeal. It took time (2+ yrs) and a new baby for our parenting skills to mesh. Now everything is great. Hope it gets better like my situation did!
Leave him before you have world of hurt trust me on this im going thir with ex husband that is a nothing but problems
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If he said that to you then he means it. Do you think he is ever going to change the way he looks at things? Chances are he probably wont. Not only is that extremely disrespectful and hurtful but its borderline abusive. Men like that only get worse. When you have that baby I can only imagine that he will become even more cruel and abusive. You need to talk to him and let him know exactly how you feel and let him know how much his words hurt you. Depending upon his response you could go 1 of 2 ways. If he responds like any normal, loving, mature man, then he would apologize and tell you that he will work on things with you and work to make you all feel like more of a family. If he responds the way that I think he will, which is to be more abusive and hurt your feelings even more, then it’s time you start making an exit plan because like I said, it will only get worse. Good luck.
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Sounds like your fiance is a dick. It his HIS job to to discipline his child and it is HIS job to stop the child from disrespecting you. With that said it is YOUR job not to let him or the child treat you with disrespect and if you let it happen don’t be surprised if it continues. You need to make a big girl decision to see how you want to live because if he is this nasty to his pregnant fiance what are you going to be treated like in the future.
Wow so disrespectful of you! I agree that this will get worse.
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Leave him 
if he don’t see you as family bye boy
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Id see all that as red flags and leave
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He doesn’t have your back whatsoever therefore this relationship will not go anywhere good. For him to suggest putting you back in your place… no no no leave now. Tell him to kiss your ass throw up your finger and move forward. Don’t think just about yourself, you have to think about your baby as well… good luck!!
Leave now and save yourself a lot of heartache. It’s not worth it. It’s sad but true. He has already chose his path and it’s not “with” you. He needs a babysitter not a wife. Don’t be used and disrespected like that.
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I would leave if my husband said this to me when we was engaged and pregnant with his child.
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Wow. “Put you back in your place”. Where exactly is that? Seems you are her full time caregiver and step mom. If he sees you as ONLY a step mom (what wver that means) he does not value your full time parenting. Scale back while you decide what to do with this enlightening information he has shared with you.
Me personally… And we are a blended family… Our kids come first… however we don’t and never did or ever will allow the children to disrespect each other or one of us … 2nd my husband would never tell me he will put me in my place without joking nor I him. We both get after the kids as equals… Me personally I would sit him and her down and be stright up about things going on and how you feel. A step mom is a bonus mom and you have every right in your house to have rules and consequences. this is how it is…and if I’m not part of the family then me and my unborn child will be exiting. Good day…
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Leave him… if he is seeing u as the problem that needs fixed he dont love u. He just trusts u enough to watch his kid. Dont stay with some one that dont see u as family… I’m a step child myself. My stepfather is my real dad and always will be to me. That’s what it’s like to be family. U never see the step in front of anything… he disciplined me grounded me. Bought my first car. Loves my kids to death… u just need to leave him. Hes not in love with u… he may say he is but if he dont see u all as family then he dont love u enough… he trust u to watch her but not be there for her when she needs someone. Run while u still can… advice from a stepchild… LEAVE HIM…
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I’m speehless think about what you really need and want new baby and all .
I would leave, I wouldn’t want to raise my kid thinking that is how you treat people. The minute he said you will never be a family since you are just the stepmother it shows he doesn’t love you.
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You are not a stepmom, you aren’t married and having the man’s baby, he’s already told you you need to be put in your place. So what is your place? I think you should walk out before you become enemy #1. If a man spoke to me like I’d get going. The hell with him and his daughter.
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U should leave him. And what do u. Think is going to happen when the baby come. ?? Think about it.
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Suggest family Councelling to him, he will say no, but at least you tried. What he said to you shows no love or respect, he has narcissism. You need to think about leaving, because if this is the beginning, imagine what the end is going to be like
Think twice, it doesn’t get better…
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It sounds like it time for him to understand that you are either his girlfriend or you are not going to put up with het attitude
Sis, take yo baby and GO! or…stay for what is about to become [if it isn’t already] an abusive relationship.
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I would kick him to the curb if my partner said we weren’t family we have been together 10yrs on and off but still ages lately we have been arguing alot so I dunno what’s gunna happen. But he’s dad to our two girls and stepdad to my two boys it’s took him 3yrs to even tell my boys off haha they are now 12 and 10.
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You need to leave. If that’s how it is after two years it’s not going to get any better. That’s not the type of man I would want to co-parent with.
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So you’re not a family but you are about to bare his child? Girl leave. Wtf kind of bullshyt is that
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Fuck him !!! That pisses me off just reading it…if I was you I would pack my shit and leave that is unhealthy and its only going to get worse I know you love him but you have to do what is best for you and your baby!
Well why did he include you? To do the wash? The 12 year old is playing both you. Is he discipling her?. This age is snotty and hard to like even for real parents. Get some counseling. Either you are family or you arent. I was a stepmother of 3 boys. They were vocal about I wasn’t their mother. I was vocal about feeding and clothing them, working to help them have extras and took them on family vacations. My husband tended to stay out of it. It never got resolved. One son realized I was on their side. The other 2 barely talk to me.
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Kick his sorry ass to the curb!!!
Whether you are considered family or not is irrelevant. A 12 year old child should not be treating anyone with disrespect. If a 12 year old residing in the same home with me was exhibiting this behaviour it would be addressed. You are her caregiver at times have a long talk with her relating that you do not appreciate being disrespected. Tell her respect is a two way street and that you treat her with respect and expect that in return. You are giving her a tool that will benefit her greatly in life. Then tell her father who is disrespecting you also the same thing apparently someone left that out of his upbringing and let him know that you will not tolerate it from him either.
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Wtf… Really wow… That’s messed up. I think you need to leave and worry about you and your baby you are gonna have… I cant believe he would say that to you
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That stuff will drive a wedge between all of you, I’m a firm believer that marriage and life partnership means the adults control the household, not the children. It doesn’t matter that she is not your daughter, she should be respectful since the roof she’s living under is just as much yours as it is her father’s. It’s not necessary to impose a motherly role onto her, but you should at least be seen as an authority and maybe even a friend on a good day.
Make it clear that there is no incentive for you to be undergoing a constant power struggle with someone who isn’t to be considered your child, and that therefore the pressure is on him to parent properly in a way that is honoring to his commitments as a father AND a husband.
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Coming from someone who grew up in two households with two (AMAZING) step-parents (one on each aside obviously), that is an awful thing to say. I was raised that I had 4 parents. My siblings are not half-siblings or step-siblings, they are my brother and sisters. Both step-parents treat(ed) me as their own and always have. Being as they love me as their own, they also punished/disciplined me as their own.
What does he think your new baby is gonna see when he/she arrives? They’re gonna see that big-sister doesn’t have to obey mommy, so why should they?
Also, for you to love this girl as your own, makes it totally unfair for you to not be able to teach her rules, morals, respect, etc.
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He sounds like a real loser, if he puts his hands on you send me a message, I’d be more than happy to send him one as well.
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Walk away, he’s never gonna put you first and that’s where a spouse should be.
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Woowwwww , first of all, u shouldn’t be having to be getting all stressed out like this while pregnant. Second of all, u r right , he is all the way around wrong…and he just is telling u everything u need to know…he is an asshole idiot, doesn’t know what a family is…and he’s apparently too scared to parent his preteen…u r in charge and u being pregnant now means u r responsible for ur family…check that fool!!!
I think were missing too much. What is you’re idea of disrespectful? What has this child been through to be full time with dad not mom? In what manner are you bringing on the discipline? People say things they dont mean when they’re being defensive. Doesnt mean it was right of him to say, and if it is what he means that’s not good. Was he being protective of his daughter? there are too many unanswered questions here. How badly was she talking about his daughter? Is pregnancy hormones making her over emotional towards all this? Is she being too strict on her? Does she overstep the boundaries of step mom?
All the advice from this page is “leave him!” “Take that baby and run”. Anyone here have an over bearing or mean step parent? Anyone in that boat wish their parent would have stuck up for them when the step parent was wrong?
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It’s not gonna change.
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Well now you know where you stand …leave
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GET OUT NOW!!! Don’t walk, run.
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What will she be like when she is 14, 15, 16, 17+
How will she treat your baby. You won’t be allowed to raise your own child in a respectful way either. Your child will learn pretty quickly to treat ye exactly as she is doing…Monkey see…Monkey do !!!
Why would you want to marry this person. Leave while you are still free…not legally bound to him…divorce is expensive.
Even co parenting with this type of person is going to be a nightmare. Your child will not have to take responsibility for its actions when with dad, so of course you will be the big bad wolf. Take a long distance flight, several states away. And stay away, throw away his phone no. Make a life for your child and yourself. Was he allowing her disrespect you like this all along, dud he disrespect you all along. How did you agree you would get engaged to someone so controlling, and it will escalate. Don’t run, FLY 
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Run while you still can!
Get rid of him. He is the awful parent. If you don’t teach consequences now she will never feel she is responsible for her own actions. If he feels you are “just a stepmom and won’t ever be a family why are you there? Very disrespectful it is much harder to be a stepmom and many families grow out of divorce or moving on
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Girl, no way I could stay. Good luck
Oh gosh I went threw the same thing. My step daughter was a spoiled brat. Yes brat that kid always ran to her dad especially when I went to discipline her. My kids also got the wrath if they looked at her wrong including me. We had 2 kids together and he spent no time with them. Well I had enough of him and his daughter took my 5 kids and left him, moved 1800 miles away 
yes it was hard but well worth it. Sorry you are having to deal with such an ass!
Then turn it on him. That you don’t need to feed her, or cloth her, take her to and from school, get her Christmas gifts ( if you celebrate it) or have anything to do with her. Use the whole " your not my mom" thing to your advantage
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I would seek counseling with them
Heads up, he thinks your place is to be his doormat. Time to find a new life.
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I agree with all of the above
Oh my goodness. This is not good. I feel for you
Put him off pussy privileges… Until he sees the error of his ways
I would go on “Strike”…
No Sex, No Cooking, No Cleaning, No Help with “his daughter’s” Homework and No Help with Parenting! It sounds like you need a Girl’s Weekend at a Hotel! Maybe it’s time for you to be pampered!
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Time an patience. Blended families are hard to adjust.
dude that entire thing made me so angry. fuck that dude for real. he has no morals at all
Leave him and never look bk , speaking from experience.
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I wouldn’t marry him
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Fk that! I’d be leaving now, he’s an asshole and the daughter will only become more disrespectful of you based on what you’ve said about her father. Toxic environment and not one of want to be raising the unborn baby in that’s for sure.
Put you in your place? Sis, he’s DISRESPECTFUL. I know you love him, but love you & your 7
unborn child more. Is that the kind of environment you want YOUR child to be raised in? You deserve better.
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He’s doing his daughter a disservice by NOT disciplining her & treating you like a child by “putting you in your place”. I know you “love” them both, but it’s not going to get any better!
Show HIS daughter her self-worth by exhibiting your own-leave! At least the child you have together will grow up with structure, discipline & a sense of their place in the world!
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see if having the baby changes anything and he realizes then…if not pack up and GET OUT!
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Go to the place he wants to put you back in. Your own. Let him keep her since he respects a child over an adult
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Tbh, it’s his daughter and he’s allowed to parent her the way he wants. His comment to you wasn’t very nice and I’d be re-assessing the relationship if he won’t work with you as a team but I think he was upset that you suggested consequences for his child. Perphaps he thought you meant corporal punishment and that’s why he said those things? I don’t know, just listing some possibilities. Is he wrong for choosing how he wants to parent his child? No.
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Bail out! It will never work. I’ve walked that walk. You. Will. Not. Win.
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Sis, just leave…he has already shown and told you how this is gonna go.
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Leave… Nobody needs to be talkimg to u the way he did… Im all for trying to work out relationships… If hes gonna talk like that to you whos to say he wont treat your unborn child that way too.
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There is another ugly thought creeping in. If you stay and have the baby. The stepdaughter would get jealouse of the baby because of all the attention he/she would get. She might hurt the baby. What safety issues is there for the baby. Jealous siblings are sly and sneeking hurting another. Many good recomendations have been offered to you. I wish you good luck and the best for the baby.
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Bullshit! U both need to come to an agreement on how discipline is handled. Shes 12 n going on to an age where RULES should ALREADY be in place!
Run run run as fast as you can believe him you wont change him dont make yourself 4th best him her baby maybe you
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Please don’t marry him. I have two step sons and I treat them as if they are my own. No me and my husband don’t always agree on why they are being punished but he backs me up because I’m the one home with them 24/7 so I know what’s going on. If he doesn’t agree on the punishment, we will talk about it in private. Not in front of the kids because that undermines my authority. Same with him. When you get married, you are his equal. Kids need discipline. I would leave him. He clearly doesn’t value you.
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Id put him back in his place and leave and let him deal with his kid you raise the baby you dont need that around get out while you can before its to late hes done said your not gonna be family so now is the time to leave and no looking back
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walk away now it will only go down hill from here. the baby could be in danger
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I mean. No, it’s not okay for him to say you aren’t family and you never will be. Nor is it okay for him to disrespect you. BUT, at the end of the day, that is his child, not yours. And i mean that in the most sincere way possible. Is this something you’ve pushed the issue with? I don’t know. I’m just trying to put myself in his shoes for a minute. I probably would not let anyone else discipline my child either other than their father. However, i wouldnt let my kids disrespect me, and especially not disrespect the person im with. So there’s that.
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As someone who’s been there and done that…from here it doesn’t get any better. HIS DAUGHTER WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST. The sad thing you’re also having his child and will be stuck dealing with him as long as your child is alive or until he or she turns 18.
You can’t have it any clearer…he’s told you where you stand and no matter what, it’s not going to change.
His daughter knows this too, and as young as she is, she’ll pit the two of you against each other. Praying for God to give you strength…
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And you’re having a child with this man?!?!
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Hmmmm he sounds like my ex…
My ex had two kids… One was awesome the other was the devil… She bit me, hit me, kicked me, head butted me… At any given point in time I had 20 bruises on me from her… But I wasn’t allowed to discipline her… And he didn’t bother…
The thing you need to realize now. Even tho you are having his kid… You will never be the family… You’ll always be the after thought …
Get out while you can… The more I pushed to give her consequences… The worse it got for me… And he started beating me… So I left… You really need to sit and evaluate if it’s worth it to you. Because she won’t get better… And she will start pitting you against each other. And it will be a losing battle for you because he won’t have your back.
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Nope. My husband is not bio to my first and he is certainly allowed to discipline her. He parents her just like his bio kids. The bio dad and me both agree he is just as much a parent as we are. Biodads live in girlfriend is also allowed to discipline and parent my child because she lives there and is the main caregiver at that house. We all agree on discipline (thank goodness).
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I am not a step parent so I can not give you any advice there, however it does sound to me that he doesn’t respect you. As far as discipline, I am in a juvenile delinquency class and delinquency typically stems from the home. It is a parents job to teach children the acceptable ways to act in life, and when they do not learn that in the home they are more likely to be delinquent outside of the home.
Seems like your not her mum and never will and your not getting the support you need think it’s time to call it a day and leave
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