WOW you are totally right about everything and I suggest counseling but if that doesn’t happen,then please leave. You can’t live as an outsider and your baby will be the same way as her.
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I would leave him. Its only going to get worse. what if he acts that way with the child you’re having with him…
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I’d leave. Thats really dysfunctional. I’d explain to him if we aren’t “really” a family in your eyes then theres no point in me staying. There is so much damage in the making here. You 2 should get counseling or call it quits.
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Oh hell no …don’t forget to remind him if his place and that the place can be taken away you can always leave his ungrateful ass
You need to find a place of your own, it sounds like he does not respect you. Do you have family that lives nearby, I would ask them if you could move in temporarily until the baby is born and then get a job and get your own place because you are seeing your future right now.
I wish women would think about the whole step child situation before getting pregnant. So many couples split up over the discipline of the first kid’s. They have had their world’s torn apart. Thrown into another household, and with each new kid they get pushed farther back on importance. It should be her dad that doles out discipline. Let it go.
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You bitter ass women saying step parents dont matter disgust me. You want to focus on that yet not on how abusive and gross the piece if trash shes with is.
He is so abusive girl, you deserve better then that dysfunctional derogatory nonsense. What a jerk. He is incapable of loving you in a healthy way. There are men out there who can, be strong, keep your head up and walk away. Know your worth. Your setting the bar, this man has no respect for your feelings.
clearly you can see where his daughter gets her lack of respect from,that is a disgusting way to treat and speak to you as his fiance and mother to be,I think you are in for a very unhappy future with this nan and for the sake of your baby I would leave now and start a new life, it will be hard as a single parent,but happy,who wants to live in a house where your voice is not heard…best of luck for you both.x♥️
Maybe you should talk to the girl 1 on 1 tell her you only
Want the best and that you were a preteen at one time maybe hormones… trying to be understanding.
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The amount of people saying to leave or run is exactly why relationships these days don’t last!! I have been with my husband for 9 years, when we first got together I had my daughter from a previous marriage (she was 5 when we got together) and it took me YEARS to be okay with him disciplining her. I said MANY not so nice things to him in the time it took us to really become a family. Not because I didn’t love him or not because I didn’t respect him but I was a mother to my daughter long before I was a girlfriend or wife to him and sometimes the habits you have as a parent are the hardest to break especially when it has been you and that child for awhile before someone new comes along. As stated in the post the stepchild is 12 and is living with the father full time…we don’t know the full story and while I’m NOT saying that the way he behaving or the things he is saying is okay I’m just saying that I can relate. I KNEW my husband loved my daughter and wanted nothing but the best for her but it was hard and took many years for me to see that it was OKAY for him to discipline her. For me I didn’t want her to think that just because I had moved on and choose to be with someone new that she had to all of a sudden had to play the role of his daughter. All kids are different and pre-teens/teenagers are a whole different breed. She has been with this man for 2 years but he has been with his daughter for 12!!! The love and loyalty he has for his daughter right now is stronger than his relationship with his fiancé, as it should be. Again I am not saying that what he said was right but take a step back and put yourself in his shoes, he has two women in his life that he loves but he hasn’t figured out a balance, that doesn’t make him a bad man…it makes him a parent and a human and we ALL from time to time make mistakes. You need to have a serious conversation with him and you need to have a heart to heart with your stepchild. You have been together for 2 years and in that time her father has gotten engaged and is now having another baby, the child needs to be able to to express how she’s feels and needs to know that she is loved and that her voice matters as long as she is respectful and I hate to break it to you this won’t happen overnight it might not happen before the baby is born, these things take lots of good and not so good conversations and time. Had my husband left me every time I said something hateful (which was usually said because of my own fear) we wouldn’t be the loving blended family we are today. My husband understood that long before I was his girlfriend or wife I was a mother, a fierce mother and I had to LEARN how to balance it all while taking into consideration others feelings. If you truly love him and your stepchild then you have to stay and put in the work. Marriage is about sticking it out through better or worse and now is one of the worse periods and I can promise you that you will have more. But a marriage, a relationship with a child is hard work and its something that you will be constantly working at. I would suggest family counseling or letting a family or friend mediate the serious conversation. Again I am not saying the way is he behaving is right but he was a father long before he was a fiancé to you and even though you may not like the way the disciplines his child that has been his life for the last 12 years and it will take more than just 2 years to break a 12 year habit.
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Excuse me?! Um run for the hills now!
Girl, you are the help! And that’s it! You are just being used as a glorified babysitter and a maid with benefits! You’ve tried talking to him and he wont budge or comprise even a little!! He literally told u you will never be her family and that u are in the wrong!! U should leave and concentrate on your own baby! that is your family!! Bet he wants u back real quick when he has to pay childcare for his 12 year old! do all the cooking and cleaning in the house and getting her to school etc plus pay child support for your baby!! Then u can tell him to stick it!.. not your family not your problem!! He was warned and he had a choice!! And if he promises change and u do go back… know your worth!!! and make him stick to it! People only treat u how u let them!!!
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Wow…just wow. Be safe sis 
I’m a little off set with the last bit of his comment. Put you back in your place??? I’d say more then the relationship with your step daughter needs to be looked at.
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RUN for the hills!!! When they show you who they are believe them.
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Family counseling and parenting classes. Get everything out in the open with a professional to see what’s underlying the dad & daughter’s behavior and address it. DO NOT MARRY HIM YET. If after 6 months to a year of hard work, if he’s not changing his tune, leave.
Do you have any relationship with the bio mom? She should be part of this as much as possible too.
Make sure the daughter has your phone # so she can stay in touch with you as a responsible person in her life. If she wants to visit you (& it’s OK w bio parents) make sure she knows your house, your behavior rules.
I’m sorry your fiancé sounds cruel. Hope he can address his issues. Generally when people say bad things about you it’s something they are struggling with themselves and oddly has nothing to do with you. He probably knows he is too lax so blames you for being too strict to justify his poor behavior.
I hope things work out but always have money & a place to go if you have to leave (or kick him out). Good luck. Co-parenting the new baby will be equally difficult. Sending you love & strength.
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Switch the sexes of the person telling the story before you reply
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Leave. I’m sorry, but I’ve been there. It doesn’t get any better. Only worse.
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Oh. Hell. No.
Are you sure you want to be with this man? This screams no respect. He’s not going to start treating you differently when you have your baby, this is a glimpse into the future. Controlling & NOT RESPECTING YOU!!!
I’m sorry, I know this is hard to hear especially while pregnant but get out now unless he fully commits to changing his ways through couples counseling.
This is unacceptable & WILL snowball.
You deserve better.
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I would remember what he said to you before you take those vows. 
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Walk away you are worth more respect than that
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Wow! First you need to have a very firm talk with him An tell him that his priorities are screwed up and he needs to really think about his words and actions with you before he makes a mistake of losing you and his future family because if he keeps allowing his daughter to disrespect you she will learn it’s a way to get what she wants An he will create a monster he will not want An your new baby and you don’t deserve that especially if you are loving her like family! It sounds like he is a self centered person and you need to really think about yourself An your baby !
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U need to leave his ass if he says that
Yeah no, red flags everywhere run and run fast
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You need to have a serious sit down and find out just what he means by that statement. There needs to be some boundries set. Some guidelines. She needs structure and consequences that you both agree upon. Or you are in for a bumpy ride. No discipline for two years and 12? These are critical years!
First of all if the mom isnt in the picture then you are her mom. I also have a stepchild whos life i have been in since he was 3. He is 10 now. Me and my husband disagree on some things. He is a little more leinant than i am but he still lets me parent. He will tell me if he feels i was too hard or whatever but he never tells me i cant parent. Yall are about to have a kid together. If all of this is coming out now i would think about things before going too far with him.
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I suggest leaving bc I mean he said it himself he doesn’t consider you family when it comes to his kid therefore you’re not family to him either get out girl
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Get out now before baby is born he sounds like a right asshole !
Leave him… Hes a bitch for sure
First if this man tells you those things then you need to walk away, regardless if he said it out of anger those are his feelings. I definitely wouldn’t marry him after he said those, you both are obviously not on the same page. It’s hard to leave when you love someone but sometimes you just need to let it go!
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The bio parent should be the one to discipline the child. But he should support you in needing this, it’s so important.
Before people jump on my comment. This is coming from more than one therapist who specialize in blended families.
This is how it’s done in my home since I was told this and it’s make things much easier.
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Horrable and NOT ok… why would you be with someone who doesn’t look at you as a family!!! This is more then a sign he told you straight up how it is. Now you have to get out of this…
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You are not her Mom. Will never b be her mom. That’s why I would never get with someone who already had kids. It’s his kid his choice but your choice how you want to deal with that
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End it now… do not put yourself in that position. Period.
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I went through this with an ex and his son. Its not worth the heartache to you and your baby.
I have 2 step kids and bf takes care of me and my 2 kids. We are FAMILY. We support each other. He would never say that too me.
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She needs you both to parent and show a united front. Discipline is part of parenting. Sounds like he wants to be her mate not her dad! As for what he said to you - that needs to be nipped in the bud. You are his equal. Sounds like a dream guy (not)! Good luck I have a feeling you are going to need it x
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She also probably doing it on purpose especially if u guys fight about it it front of her she knows that she can come between y’all and she will always get her way. I think u need to reevaluate if this relationship is really what u want and if u want to deal with this the rest of ur life. Because it will not change
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Please leave worry about your child when born then see how he deals with her leave fast.
She’s going to forever walk all over you and treat you with such disrespect as long as she sees her father doing the same. End it now and call it a day. Blended families are still family and if he doesn’t see that, walk away. The only one hurting will be you and your child.
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Get the hell out. Never would I be spoken to that way. I have a step dad and my husband is a stepdad. Both had and have the right to correct bad behavior in my children. I don’t condone violence but appropriate discipline is not a bad thing
My dear I am very sorry you were given the Truth in such a harsh way. But no matter the delivery you received the Truth, the man’s Truth about you and your future
Your place in his family you and the baby last, daughter above everything. You must has a mom to be, put your health, baby and safety first. Believe every word he said an if he could say that aloud imagine what he truly thinks. It is far worse. You cannot marry someone who thinks so poorly of you and treats you as such. It is time for you to become the love you and your baby needs
Better to sever the loss now than live a life of sorrows and regret. Get your housing, finances and all in order Seperate your accounts and say nothing much. Just do safe housing for you and the child.
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He was single cuz he treated baby mama like shit and she had enough too
Nope I’d leave. I’m sorry cause I know it sucks and it’s a hormonal and scary time, but the way he spoke to you is scary and sounds abusive, additionally if you are in it together you are in it together. It sounds like hes in it separately from you.
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Last statement get out while you can still walk.
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Move on in your life.
I was with my late husband 30 years(died) we raised 2 of his and 3 of mine we treated them all the same one big happy family
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That’s horrific 
and wrong. She needs to be taught how u treat an adult in ur home and about consequences of behavior and my place would be out the fuckin door if my FIANCÉ said that to me… U having this mans child and planning to marry him and ur not family??? Tf is wrong BBC with him. This is disgusting, seriously not right at all
Yeah, no. I have 2 biological children, and 2 step children. We ALL correct them, otherwise there’s no boundaries and we will have little brats. And put you in YOUR place? Excuse me? Please reconsider legally tying yourself to this man. He’s determined you will never be a family, you can’t change that.
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Let them folks make it…he already told you that y’all aren’t family.
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I would not let anyone be disrespectful to me. If this man loved you he would not let anyone be disrespectful to you. So having said that he also told you that you would never be a family but yet you are carrying his child??? What the heck sounds like he never got over his child’s mother if you ask me. Is she in her life?? I would concentrate on my self and unborn child at this point. I would move out if the place was his if it was mine he would leave. Separate then decide what is in yours and your child’s best interest. Remember he said you will never be family so does that mean his child can do whatever to you and your child?? Just questions I would ask myself. Good luck and God bless.
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Maybe you need to put him in his place. If you’re not a family wtf is he thinking he’s doing around you and that baby. #boybye
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It’s really sad because Jr high is where they start getting put on probation for their choices so he can either get a handle on her or the law will😳
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If your fiancé doesn’t consider you family then maybe you should rethink this engagement. He doesn’t need to be with you to be a parent to y’all child. All this is going to do is cause problems and stress you out and in your condition you don’t need this. I see this quite often in families the step parent isn’t allowed to discipline the step child. Ppl expect a step parent to step up and act like the step child is theirs and to not treat them differently but it’s only in certain aspects. If you’re stepping up to be a parent to someone else’s child that means you should be able to do so 100% and part of parenting is discipline.
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That’s not a good situation your in so your good enough to take care of her but not good enough to be her family if that’s the way he feels then you need to rethink your relationship with him
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And he told you he needed to put you in your place hell no that’s disrespectful to you on every level so you need it and the kid doesn’t nip it in the bud and rethink your relationship
NACHO. I do this with my step sons and my marriage is awesome
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Leave his passive agressive ass now. Blood doesn’t make family.
Leave and don’t look back.
Lady run as far and as fast as you can…
Wow. I can’t imagine. That doesn’t sound like someone you’d want to stay with long term. He’s made it clear that you aren’t a family and where he sees your “place”. If it isn’t equally by his side then you should leave. You’ll only continue to be hurt and your child will eventually see how he treats you and think that behavior is acceptable. I’m sorry you are going through this. I hate to say it but the longer you stay together, the worse it will likely get.
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I am so sorry for you. You may want to re-think this relationship. Cut your losses and get out😥
Fucking ignore both of their asses until someone smarts up cause i promise you if you dont pay any attention to them theyll both freak out because they NEED you and attitudes will change lmao its funny sometimes
Leave because the child is ruling the home and it will be even worse when the baby arrives.
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What! The! Fuck? I’d be like 
Put him in his place and leave. Not disciplining children young leads them to find a harsh world when theyre older. My fiance worrys about disciplining my daughter because hes not her dad, but i always tell him that we are a family and we have to be comfortable with each other. If shes acting up, he has my full support to tell her to knock it off or take toys away.
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This is why spanking WAS a thing… Too many snowflakes now not allowing punishment!
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So you aren’t allowed to discipline her, you aren’t like a parent? Just the stepmom or lower even…then plain and simple don’t be one to her. Show him well if she can be a witch and disrespect to you then don’t give that little snot and him the satisfaction. Don’t take care of her either. Don’t buy her anything, don’t give advice, no homework help or love, do nothing for the brat. Treat her like she is invisible, maybe in a week they will get the f’in clue. Shouldn’t get any perks if they aren’t going to allow the whole package. And if they still don’t get the picture then leave with that child you are carrying right quick before he teaches that kid to be a disrespectful a**hat as well.
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Sorry you are going thru this but get the heck out NOW!!! Get yourself settled before the baby comes and take him to court for support! You can do this. If not for you for your child.
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Get the fuck out of there.
This guy should realise what he’s got it takes someone amazing to take on others children n it’s not an easy job if he can’t support u 100% then kick him to the curb ur right he should see u as a family not a babysitter u have ur own child to think of x
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Leave now.with ur child. U do not need that. Ur child is depending on u to raise n teach them. Run n don’t look back. Because ur future is DOOMED with💔
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Nice to see a parent putting their child first, before the new girlfriend or boyfriend. Way to go dad.
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If he doesnt see you as part of the family I would leave him. That right there tells you he dont love you and also probably reason why the step child acting out because knowing that will push you to your limit and of course him saying that (dont know if child heard it) agreeing why should I show respect to her knowing shes not family like dad said. Itll get worse once baby comes and gets old enough to start the toddler stage.
Well if you aren’t a family why stick around to let the both of them walk all over you
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Maybe you should find someone else who actually gives a fuck
You’re not married
I would definitely have to leave
You need to get out sweetie. Hes a horrible asshat and his kid will grow up to be a bratty little girl with no responsibility. She will probably end up in jail since he wont teach her to take responsibility. You guys should be a unit. But he obviously doesnt see you as an equal which is bad. Ik if i was with someone and they had a kid and i wasnt allowed to act like a stepmom id get the f*** out. Step parents have just as much right to discipline a child.
Let’s be honest. This isn’t the first time he has disrespected you on that level, and not only have you allowed him to disrespect you, but you decided to have a baby with him, which reinforces that there’s nothing wrong with walking all over you. How are you any different than he is with his daughter? You teach people how you expect to be treated. Any time my husband ever disrespected me, I held him accountable, just like you expect to be able to do with this man’s daughter, and with your child when it’s born. If you can’t tell both these people that you will not stick around and be disrespected or mistreated, then your baby will learn you’re a doormat too. Perhaps it’s time to go back to mom and dad for a while and tell him when he can figure out how to parent his child and teach her by example how to respect you, you have no choice but to leave him. If he can’t get that shit together by the time the baby is born, you’ll send someone for whatever you don’t take with you now, and that will be that, because you don’t want to raise another disrespectful little shit who thinks it’s ok to crap all over you. Then peace out. But if you walk out like this, and you come back when he says everything is fixed and it’s not, you best be prepared to leave for good or get shit on the rest of your life (or at least until you grow a set and leave for real in 5 or 10 years when your child will suffer for it). Step up for yourself and your child. No more time to fuck around.
“We aren’t a family and never will be because you’re ‘only’ a stepmom” is a load of shit. You have her full time, she sees you as a motherly figure. Talk about ways to discipline, that you both agree on. The 123 method works awesome for all ages. He needs to take a step back and realize the problems she’s going to endure on life when she doesn’t get what she wants. The last comment in your post… That’s unacceptable and disrespectful. He needs to realize what he has before he loses it.
Walk away he has no respect for you. You are not a child. You don’t need to know your place! He needs to grow up. Make him pay child support he NEEDS TO KNOW HIS PLACE!!!
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Its obvious that your fiance lets his daughter get away with too much.The two of you have to sit down together and figure out how much of an involvement you get to have when it comes to his daughter.Since you all live together he needs to see you are one Family blood or not and he needs to show you respect as well to show good example in front of his daughter.Good Luck to all
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Oh wow. Just be a stepmom then, don’t help with her don’t drive her anywhere put it all on him. Don’t buy her anything. Let her dad handle everything and he’ll learn. Or he won’t but you won’t have to deal with it.
Hate to say it but that’s a toxic relationship. You should try to get out of it because it will only get worse with the new baby. Don’t feel like you have to stay because of the baby. Or try to get into some counseling with him.
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So he actually asked you to marry him? (Fiance) ~ I’m going to be the minority here and not say run. Not yet, anyway. You and he need to sit down and have a talk. Ask him why he wanted to be married to you if not to be a family. Maybe some parenting classes and couples counseling. He may have said it in anger, I hope not in front of child, and it really doesn’t represent his feelings. You know how you can tell your sibling off but don’t dear let someone else do that? It’s possibly his paternal instinct. If you have this talk and this is how he really feels, or he’s not willing to work on it then leave. But first you try. That is if you want this relationship. If you do stay don’t stop loving the daughter or treating her different, but leave the discipline to him if he’s around. And that’s if he agrees to work on his disciplining and enabling and agrees to being a family. If he’s not willing, you have your answer. Hopefully he’ll get some help because he6your child’s father, too.
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As much as I think what he said is wrong, I can tell you right now if in a relationship with someone who is NOT my children’s father, unless this person has been together for 5,6,7 years what so be it, ain’t NOBODY going to disapline my daughter’s but ME or their father unless like I said you’ve been together for longer then 2 years… Sorry to be the odd ball out but I can totally understand what he meant! And you will realize that once you’ve had your own child.
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Hes going to regret not disciplining her, one day.
Maybe talk to his parents and have them talk to him? Or does he have any friends with kids that maybe could speak to him?
She’s going to grow up and think she can do whatever she wants and that’s never good.
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Do you have to walk 3 steps behind him too. Sounds like he likes to control the family and you wanting to discipline his daughter is upsetting his balance. Don’t put up with it, as it will always be this way, he sounds like a control freak and now he’s got you pregnant he feels he can now treat and control you because he thinks you now depend on him. It sounds hard but get out of there before he hurts you
Tell him if you cant disapline her when she lives under your roof then your leaving because all children should be treated the same and other siblings will see this and resent you for it. She needs to learn some respect or leave
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Put you in your place? Ya I dont think so if it’s his home get your stuff and leave if it’s yours tell him he needs as to go. Make a stand now before your baby is born, before it’s to late.
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Don’t leave. Fix it. That’s a pretty mild relationship issue as issues go. That doesn’t mean it isn’t damaging to hear and super hurtful, but it’s definitely fixable. Counseling? Blended family research? A support group? There’s some way to fix it
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This is something that would’ve been nice to know before you started a family with him… It will be a problem forever… so decide if you want to deal with it or walk away
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Would have been nice to know that was his attitude before you were pregnant.
I’d leave him 
Nobody talks to me like that
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Read what ypu just shared with us. You will find ALL your answers. I see a stepfather in your childs future. You will have a family where both you and stepfather work together and have mind like ways to raise the child
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What a fucking asshole you can do better then thay
So hes happy with you watching her every day after school, but you srent a family?! How ridiculous!
I would tell him exactly how you feel. If nothing changes, leave x
doesn’t sound like a partnership I’d want…
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Seriously just left my husband 2 months ago after dealing with that for 4 1/2 years. I’m much happier now
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you need to jet real quick!
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