My fiances family doesn't respect my boundaries: Advice?

RUN! If you want peace ,harmony, and love with your feelings validated RUN! You can’t change him or his family’s actions…and he won’t change!!! You are not going to get what you want! RUN!

170 Likes

Whatever you have in mind for your wedding or for the rest of this relationship forget it .Your fiancées family will control every aspect of both, if you don’t walk away now. Sounds like he has no respect for you or a backbone.

21 Likes

I can only repeat what has already been said: He does not respect your boundaries enough to say no to his family.

Bring this up in therapy and if nothing changes, run.

48 Likes

You have been with him for three years and it appears you have already accepted this behavior, it’s not going to change so either accept this is the way it’s going to be or move on! Best of luck.

57 Likes

It will never get better. Run while you can. I was married into a family like that, and my ex husband never had my back. You will only end up with regrets.

145 Likes

Unfortunately, you will never be happy in that relationship as his family will always be an issue, and he doesn’t support you. You need to start planning on your exit. It sucks, but you will be happier in the long run.

145 Likes

Advice is this is your husband’s family. If he’s not willing to support you, you need to make a choice for you.
Speak nicely to him one time, ask for his support, be honest say that you can’t cope with their level of involvement.
Give him a chance to hear you privately… calmly.
Bring this up in therapy - that you need him to make the effort .
Then its up to him.
If there is no change, then leave.
For me it sounds like you have wasted far too much time already,
but at least you know you gave it your best shot.

9 Likes

You need to back out of this relationship but also take a hard look at yourself and why you feel so compelled to isolate his family.

10 Likes

Honestly if your fiance can’t put a stop to his family’s behaviour not respecting your privacy then when will he??? This will be a constant problem for you, obviously your nor on the same pages to get married. Make the decision is he the right man for you??

21 Likes

If your fiance can’t side with you and put his foot down against them, nothing will change. It is up to HIM to set boundaries and respect your relationship. If he can’t do that for YOUR relationship, I’d move on. Plain and simple.

38 Likes

I know many would appreciate a close family…but couples need private time and their own circle of friends…and the parents should already have their own friends…talk things out before the marriage…set a family nite…set boundaries thru your counseling…or all of you will be miserable…

7 Likes

Well girl…since you’re not married yet…I’d say really think it out…looks like you’ll be marring the whole family…time to put your foot down and give HIM an ultimate… you or the family… keep those doors locked… don’t answer when they come knocking… Stand up for your believes…and if he doesn’t …it’s time to leave…you deserve peace and quite with the family you and him will be forming… Otherwise you’ll never be happy.

30 Likes

This is not your soul mate. Do not marry him. Leave now! Get ready quietly and leave. Run for the hills.

61 Likes

I saw my fiances temper but we were already engaged. I should have be taken the hint and ran. Still got married, divorced 3 yrs later. You’re lucky enough to see the signs NOW. Walk away.

50 Likes

From personal experience of almost 8 years of marriage, it will not stop. EVER. It doesn’t matter if you set boundaries, they will continue to step over them and your fiance will never take your side. The best thing to do now is leave. It will be a difficult decision for you to make but you will be grateful in the long run.

48 Likes

Exit relationship; God will bring someone and their family in your life that celebrates and respect you rather than tolerate you.

17 Likes

It’s time for you to move far away from the relatives or you might as well forget the relationship you are in!

6 Likes

Too many red flags. I don’t think u and him need to be together. Especially if he picks them over u …leave him …u don’t need that in your life

47 Likes

Get out of this relationship ASAP. He’s never going to back you up and they will never change. Unless…you both move 3000 miles away and change your identities. Good luck.

6 Likes

Honey take a fools advice that does not get any better.you would be marrying the whole family.At this point in your relationship if your fiances is not defending you he never will.Lord hun been there done that.Run while you can!!!

2 Likes

Leacve NOW. Honestly, you will hate your life. Leave now and find someone who will support and understand you and who’s family doesn’t want to be in your face ALL the time. It is suffocating and frustrating and anxiety inducing. Trust me. And they sound like nutters because they can’t understand their wrong doings. You will deal with this for the rest of your life if you stay.

27 Likes

Sound like if you married him . Literally, married his family. He not taking your side now , he won’t take your side if you get married. You are not wrong . You are right to have boundaries. They are disrespecting the both of you,and your home .Your finances is so use to it. He doesn’t think it is anything wrong. Good luck to you deciding on sitting down to talk to him about your boundaries or just leaving. I would asked him to sit with his family have a conversation. If he refused , then yes I would have to move on. It will be hard . But, it better leaving him loving him, then leaving him hating him.

8 Likes

Don’t marry him, sis. Seeing that he doesn’t have your back (knowing you did nothing wrong) should say a lot right there. This is going to be a reoccurring thing so yeah, I say RUN!

25 Likes

I’m so sorry. I don’t think this is a problem that can be fixed if he doesn’t see the issue. Move forward and heal from this. Healthy boundaries are important, especially with the man you are to marry.

1 Like

Start and exit plan now. Have it all set and money saved. When it all gets too much you won’t be “ stuck” there.
It sound like he respect his family more than he respects you, this isn’t gonna change you just need to leave.

In the meantime …
All when your fiancé‘s family come and walk around naked inside your house, you can wear what you like … watch them feel super uncomfortable and leave, perhaps leave some “toys” out on the bench for added affect, or your underwear and personal items around :joy:

61 Likes

Run as fast as you can! This is not a recipe for a successful marriage.

13 Likes

Move on !
You’ve had three years to access what marrying into this family will be, overbearing in-laws and a unsupportive husband .
Get out now!
!

8 Likes

RUN dont walk away from that relationship!!! If your fiancé does not support you now he never will !!! It will only get worse !!! Get out now while you can !!

7 Likes

It won’t get better, go before you marry him and regret it.

5 Likes

If you marry him it will never change. He’s already chosen his family over you.

6 Likes

RUN AND DON’T LOOK BACK. It will only get worse over time. He is showing you what life will be like with his family.

8 Likes

If your fiancé and you don’t see eye to eye now, why marry him?

7 Likes

It’s not going to change and he’s not going to change. Either get used to this or break it off. If he fails to see the problems that you see, it’s not going to last.

5 Likes

When u marry someone you also marry their family. Break up with him. He needs to back you up or step off. Not worth the drama.

4 Likes

Oh my darling. If he is choosing family over you-then get out now. It will not get better when you get married!! If your finance cant put your relationship first and if he doesn’t listen to YOU -then really-please get out. Do not choose misery. Better pain now than divorce later. Be strong. xxoo

5 Likes

You will never be able to fix such kind of behaviour and with your fiance on their side!! This is never going to get easier I’m sorry.

4 Likes

Girl if your man can’t respect your boundaries and defend you then he’s not the one. He’s supposed to support you and sorry but when you marry someone your spouse comes before your family. Period!

24 Likes

If he’s not on your side he never will be get out while you can

4 Likes

One thing is crystal clear: he grew up in chaos, so the chaos his family brings is what feels like normal. His family, and him, will never see their lifestyle as anything but normal.

You have witnessed their “normal” for three years now…how is that working for you?

Not saying their normal is bad, if it works for them, it works for them. And it does not work for you, this has been proven.

Nothing else to see here. Good luck dear.

2 Likes

Little lady I’m sure he loves his family. That’s not the problem? If he can’t stand by you when they just decided too come over with not asking you all if this is a good . What kind of privacy do you have? You might want too consider is this what you want your life too be with your fiances?? I went through this for years with his family. They interfere so much I didn’t want them in my house. Get this work out before you say “I Do”.

1 Like

Get out of that relationship he has no respect for you or you’re feelings , been there done that … stand up and say look if you don’t. Do something I’m gone I don’t deserve this kind of treatment , I’m a grown person not a child …

1 Like

Red flags. Life is too short you are not collecting red flags. LEAVE if he is not on your side about this he’ll never be on your side about anything

2 Likes

His family should definitely respect your boundaries especially since it ain’t their house…you guys are starting your own family and they need to respect your privacy in my opinion I do think he should be on your side being newlyweds if you don’t let that be known now it’ll ruin your marriage…I don’t get why people family or not think out oki to just show up unannounced just because that’s happened in his moms house now it’s y’all house so you should let him know or bring it up in therapy for sure and if nothing works sorry to say but that relationship ain’t work it

Well he’s not willing to put your needs ahead of theirs so you either separate or learn to put up with it as he has made it clear it’s not going to change. If you stay then you don’t get to complain about it after

1 Like

Run run run as fast as u can - if the fiance isnt being supportive now what happens when u have kids - lifes to short to settle -

5 Likes

Get out of it now before it’s to late…if they dont respect boundaries now the in-laws never will.

2 Likes

Not the right place for you. If he doesn’t have your back he’s not the right person for you.

2 Likes

If he respects you the way he should and loves you come first I would be saying you have a choice you can have me or your family Be prepared he probably choose his family and then you know where you stand then you can move on You have give him to many chances I wouldn’t be putting up with it Good Luck hope you get sorted

It’s different cultures tbh,
Cause personally having family over 24/7 is a dream life

2 Likes

Advice? Don’t marry this guy. You’ll have problems until you have enough and your marriage is gone.

2 Likes

I’m guessing he tells them they can come over. I would be pissed if they come over and eat all our food but so families are close. My nephews and niece always come over and I’d be damned if my bf says they can’t come over… I do understand where your coming from but that’s his family.

1 Like

Run for the hills now,his family sound very toxic and you’re fiancee has been programmed to lie down and roll over to all of his families demands,as much as you love you’re fiancee things are not going too get any better,better to cut you’re losses and move on

I have a question…you guys have been together for years, and officially engaged for a few months correct? Has the family always behaved this way or did all this start suddenly after the engagement?? How could it be that you been with him so long but either not have noticed or it not have bothered you with the random pop-ups and future sis-in-law temper tantrum stuff up until now? I’m not critising or anything negative, I am honestly trying to grasp a better understanding of everything

You have your whole life to find the right person and whose family will fit into yours. Why start the rest of your life trapped and unhappy?

1 Like

I would get rid of the boyfriend too…if he’s not going to support you now he surely won’t when you’re married

1 Like

He needs to support you no matter what as you should come first. Tell the family they need to ring first before a drop in and limit it to once a week. You have rights and your own life. You’re getting Married to him nog his family

Just one word of advice. When you get married, you don’t just marry your fiancee, you marry their family. It’s inevitable.

Probably not a good choice for a husband!!! He should always choose you! Time to grow up or go back to Mommy’s house! IMO

1 Like

I told my ex’s mum to her face and she never came back because she thought I was rude :joy:I felt like a naughty child in my own home. These people know what they are doing and once they catch wind it upsets you they do it all the more.

1 Like

Leave. If he wasn’t like this before the engagement then it sounds like a trap for him and his family to be controlling of you. Not gonna turn out very well. Was in that situation years ago. He turned out to be controlling and I turned out scared to he on my own. Not worth it. Get out while you can

Run for the hills. If he doesn’t back you up, it will never change. Looks like you are marrying that family. Don’t marry him. Get out. Good luck. :two_hearts::cherry_blossom::two_hearts:

Leave don’t marry him, that’s your home and he should help respect your boundaries. If they do it now they will always do it especially if he won’t support you

1 Like

Your fiancé needs to make your relationship a priority if it is going to last. He’s used to the impromptu visits and bends to his family’s will.

I’d be frustrated as well. I have a sibling that used to drop by all the time until I finally told him to grow up and make plans or stay out of my families life.

You have two choices continue counseling and see if you all can make headway or let his family have him back.

It will only get worse when you get married especially if he doesnt support you. Think twice before taking that big step.

3 Likes

Sadly love does not conquer all…His family will destroy your relationship…so either he starts to back you up and changes are made… or you need to walk away…its hard now but you will realise the wisdom of that decision later.

1 Like

Dont marry him unless and until HE sets some boundaries with everyone of them!!!

You marry the fella and his family… if you cant handle the lot than maybe this isnt the right match for you? Do you really want to be that partner who isolates their husband from their family, as it seems its all in or gotta be not at all!

When you marry the person, you are marrying into thier family. This is what you have to look forward to. I would either fight for those boundaries or get out.

I’d be out… if he isn’t on your side now… why would marrying him.change that. If you want peace… this situation does not sound like you will find it

Sad - but goodbye is your only answer to happiness. If you marry, you will be divorcing in a few years as your being does not matter to your fiancé and his family. Make the decision that life is to live not drowned in stress.

What are you doing there? Get some therapy on your own. Move if you have to…you’re on a Highway to He’ll.

1 Like

Jesus get out! He doesn’t respect you nor does his family call it all off and move on and get some sanity back! :heart:

Ask yourself some hard questions was it Looks? Love? Lust? Loyalty? Loneliness? Money? Aging Eggs? A Need to Show the World that You Are Worthy of being “Loved” (more than even someone’s Family)? Why are YOU pitting YOURSELF against this guy’s upbringing of smother love, family first, inner dependent functionality? Even if YOU WIN by "getting him to marry you, standing up for yourself without him getting mad, get him to move thousands of miles you will always be at odds about what is “toxic” and what is just the way people/things are. Instead follow through on your own “choosing not to be around that type of behavior any longer.” which your right to do. What is not your right is to expect other people to “change” so as to not disturb your, or provide you with feelings of “peace, harmony, love, and happiness.” Find someone who can help you find that within yourself.

1 Like

Let me guess: you thought the engagement would make a difference because you would have some “status” and not just be “the girlfriend”. Get your shit in a suitcase and get the heck out of there. It will only get worse.

1 Like

Get out whilst you can. If he really cares for you he will follow and be willing to set boundaries. If you stay you may well regret it

They sound very manipulative and what’s worse is that their manipulation works on your fiancé. He should have your back for sure.

1 Like

Hello, the universe is telling you to cut and run. When you marry someone, you marry the whole family. This is not going to get better. Leave now.

1 Like

Your not happy now so why stay if you want peace. It seems like an ugly situation and isn’t going to change. Seems everyone has the same thing to say. So you got all you need to hear now its up to you decide.

My first question is the same as what Michelle Kahle Stanisch stated. If your fiance won’t stand up for you now it’s not going to change later. I’m talking from experience. So I would give back the ring and say DONE and start packing. Besides if someone came to my house unannounced I wouldn’t answer the door.

1 Like

If you need therapy before the actual marriage, its already doomed. Just find a new man and save yourself the divorce fees later.

1 Like

It’s only going to get worse once the “I do” is said… May want to rethink the whole marriage thing. You won’t just marry him but you’ll marry his whole family. He’s already showing he supports his family over you.

Lock the door and if they keep knocking tell them you are busy
But like someone says get ready to get out put some money to one side get some bits together at your family’s homes and then tell him enough is enough
Your home should be your happy place and it never will be with his family virtually living with you
I couldn’t cope with it and I bet they couldn’t
If someone kept going to their houses every day xx
Best wishes xxx

If that’s the relationship he has always had with his family and that’s their dynamics and that’s the way it’s been . Then who are you to stop him from being with his family ?! Like this seems like you’re fighting a losing battle either be ok with it or don’t . Some people don’t just see their family every twice a year some see them all year and they are happy with that .

Do you want to have children, think of what you would be teaching them. Leave now, to many toxic red flags…

1 Like

I have heard USA is quite big… maybe get 10 h apart and they will stop. Otherwise it is not a good sign the fiancé is not in your Team.

1 Like

Its not just him but everyone your in a relationship with…personally I’d be out of there

In my case some of my in laws were the same but I took my spouse in full confidence and explained her the importance of the institute of marriage. But in my story my wife is a wise woman and we went for marriage counseling before marriage in which both were explained our roles, behavior, relatives etc. So it was not a problem from her side also… I made her to speak to them since they are her family members first which she did and when the matter worsened between them for once in for all she decided to take a firm step against them by nt giving them entry inside our house… As for me I was making tea or juice for them whenever they were having a conversation… Always supporting my wife and respecting her family… You get it what I mean and how I did it… Think right and the outcome will be right too. And if ur fiance doesn’t support than you should have a firm discussion with him too and if he still supports only his family members than its a red flag sign and you know what should be done here. Give a chance to your relationship first, by doing this you will know the strength of your relationship also… Please don’t stress…

You aren’t going to change his whole family. This behavior is here to stay.

Omg - sounds like hell - all I can say is that unless hes on your side, you will forever feel excluded and put last. I would be getting out of there ASAP unless he puts you first. I used to be with a guy who would always choose his family first and they all disliked me also- I just had to bite the bullet and break it off - as hard as it was cos we were so in love and happy together, but there was no future with him because he would never choose me over his family and I had to accept that.

If he sees nothing wrong with this. Run like hell!

2 Likes

If your fiance can’t see both sides through and see where your coming from then maybe he isn’t the one for you. Over bearing family is not cool and for them to just come over all the time like that not cool. Ok maybe 1-2 times a week but be respectful of previously planned.engagements.
It sounds like his family is over bearing and needs to learn to take a step back , also seems like he may be the baby of the family so they are coddeling him. Still no reason for all their actions.
If therapy is not helping and he cannot stand up for his soon to be wife then maybe he needs to go find a babysitter for himself.

1 Like

Leave him. It is obvious that he also doesn’t understand boundaries etc. You will be treated how you allow them to treat you. Reclaim your power and leave him to his family.

2 Likes

If you’re not even married yet and already in therapy then that should be your sign to leave that relationship lol

1 Like

It is difficult that your finance doesn’t back you. I had a similar experience however, my husband did back me. I think I would have reconsidered our relationship if he had not. One thing for sure is t set those boundaries and stick to them. If they want to sulk and poute that is there problem. If you don’t set your boundaries now it will only deteriorate even more and when children come along the problem is exacerbated 10 fold. So just from the outside looking in. First step is to have a calm chat to your fiance about how you are feeling with regards to him not backing you and his family being bumbs and scrounging off you. Then let him know what you expect from him and how you will both go forward in eradicating your "rat problem ". Should he not wish to partner with you down this path then I would seriously consider walking Away. If he doesn’t respect you now it will even be worse after marriage. All the best

Oh honey, get out of this relationship. Things won’t change. They are disrespectful now they will continue. It will get even worse when you bring children into the family.

Honey, find a new fiance. If he got mad and didn’t support you on this, he never ever will and right there shows you where his priorities are. Good luck!

You have a right to a like without his family dropping by every day unannounced. Boy friend should support YOU. NOT HIS FAMILY. HE SHOULD TELL THEM TO BACK OFF.

I’m sure you want this to work out but if he’s not even on your side then he never was on your side to begin with just leave. Find someone is going to put you first

If your fiancé doesn’t stand up and set boundaries with his family now then he likely never will … so is that something you can live with ? If not it’s time for you to move on to someone that will respect you a bit more

Run… no man is worth your mental health, if this is now wait till you have a child .
Being there …… and unless you have balls the size of watermelons stay bit you always will have the -why does he supports me-
Like I said RUN

2 Likes