He’s not on your side…? Don’t marry him. Cut your losses. It might sound harsh or mean but I’ve been there. Been married for 29 years. The one thing that saved my marriage was moving away. My in laws were terrible! Boundary issues BIG TIME… Hubby wasn’t on my side. Wouldn’t take up for me. At times it was very hard. I stopped answering their phone calls. Visited for ONE holiday every other. Kept my visit short. Developed a “Idc” attitude. Distance and my attitude saved my marriage.
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Leave this relationship. It won’t get better. If he is choosing them over you, that’s not your fault. You are not crazy. What they are doing is. I have gone through something similar where my husband chose his family over me and we have a child together. It doesn’t get better. We talk about divorce a lot.
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You totally 100% have the right to say they can’t come over unannounced, ITS YOUR HOUSE not theirs! And anyways who’s family does that? I don’t get why they need to come over that many times and on top of that take from your house hold and sleep wherever when ever. Your house isn’t a flop house and their honestly acting like squatters you guys deserve your own safe and private home free from people coming and going when they please, that doesn’t sound like a place you can sit back and relax at the end of the day and you deserve that annnnd it’s gone so far you guys are late/absent from already made plans and that’s ridiculous on his families part like they’re doing this on purpose to drive you crazy or something and I can’t believe your fiancée is really ok with you being upset about this and doesn’t see the problem if he really wants that much time with his family he can go to their houses and hang out while you sit back and relax at home. All in all the family needs to stop their temper tantrums their all adults and need to respect you and your boundaries.
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Major red flags left & right! Run away as fast as you can. Trust me! This is a nightmare that only gets worse!
If you decide to have a child with this man, his family will act like they own your child and you will have no say in anything having to do with your baby. If you have children from a previous relationship, those children will be made to feel like they aren’t good enough while the baby you have with this man will be treated like a prince or princess.
I know all about this first hand and I have a ton of stories I could tell you. We used to live really close to all of my husband’s family members. Your story sounds like what I was going through. I couldn’t take it any more. I was going crazy with the lack of healthy boundaries. I somehow convinced my husband to move to a town that is about 6.5-7 hours away from his family but he still has to talk to his mom and 1 of his sisters EVERY Sunday for 3-4 hours every damn week! Even if we have plans, he STILL has to call and talk to them no matter what. And from time to time, he will still talk to them throughout the week for hours at a time as well! He is most definitely a mommy’s boy!
Your fiancé obviously does not have a healthy relationship with his family and he will continue to choose them over you. It is something that I have decided to live with since my husband and I have a child together. But if I had known or paid attention to the warning signs, I would’ve gotten out of the relationship soon after it started. Don’t get me wrong though, I am so thankful for my child and he is worth it all.
If you stay engaged then married, it’ll only get worse. There’s no excuse for them doing this, sorry for the situation
Also you may want to invest in a security system of some kind maybe? And change the locks so they can’t get in this is only if your fiancée starts to side with you. The first thing is to get him to understand you need space from them and they’re overwhelming you.
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Maybe meet half way. I’m sure he has things he doesn’t understand about your family
Hmmmm he should be on your side. It’s not going to work.
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What disrespectful bastards…tell them in no uncertain terms to check with you before they come around, and tell them to bring food to contribute to the household, or stay away…as for the Mum growling at you, I hope you walked out…if fiancé turns on you then that is a sign that you shouldn’t marry him.
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yeah keep the door locked
Wow hit the road jack don’t go back there anymore. It’s not healthy for you or for future kids nope nope .
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Time to find a new fiancé with a better family if he isn’t going to grow a pair of balls and stick up for you and be on your side to. Things will only get worse as time goes on because they will feel that they won and can do anything to you and your relationship. Time to find something better !!!
What the actual hell… his family is to clingy and won’t respect you or your boundaries because they don’t like you, don’t put up with their crap, plain out tell them how it is and if they don’t like your boundaries to bad they are trying to mess your relationship up, control lives and if it’s not going to stop them you have to tell them that they are being out of line by coming over unannounced and you want your space as for your fiancé not taking your side say hello to the rest of your life if you stay with him. He doesn’t consider your feelings at all
I would not deal with any of that I don’t like people coming over with out me knowing so I would have losted it a long time ago and I’m not one that likes plains to change last minute you are not asking for to much at all
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I was in the same situation. I married and it got worse. Been divorced now 20 years. Met a great guy and we are now married. RUN!!!
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Throw away the WHOLE man! He’s supposed to have your back not be a push over, if he can’t defend you now he sure won’t do it once you’re married
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I have no problems with my inlaws or my family coming by when they please lol. We treat eachothers houses like they are ours 
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Tell him good bye, it will get worse
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Naw. That’s a no for me dog.
#RUN
IF HE won’t enforce respect from his family then … things will get worse … turn him loose… He doesn’t respect you either.
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It’s time to go to their house at 430am and eat their entire fridge. Wait until u know they have plans and park in front of their car and chit chat. And go inside and take a poop… Bruh …
Good luck u might as well pack your stuff
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If he cant see its a bother now, then hes defn not goin to see it later…it will get worse.
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I had to set that boundary with my own family. They used to just pop up unannounced and since my brother used to live their and he kept his key instead of giving it to my partner who also lives here he used to just come into my house when he thought no one was home. Like I know there was no malice behind it but it still made me uncomfortable
Some families are literally like that. They have no boundaries yet complain that said person didn’t help or they ate all the food. I’ve experienced that and i hated it. We set boundaries that they were able to follow and not break because they knew that we needed our space. Eventually I broke it off. But sis you are not crazy. Just because they are family does not mean they can come into your home and disrespect you. Your fiance should’ve his foot long ago that no matter what happens you will be his wife and they will respect you. Its his job to enforce these boundaries. He should be the one doing majority if not ALL the work… because its HIS family. Or better yet. Dont open the door. Lol
God is good and allows you to see he’ll before you get in there run far away from all of them you boy friend is okay that is the danger part for you God bless you always
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RUN BABY RUN!! You already said he’s not supporting you or even trying to respect your feelings or boundaries. HE’S mad at YOU. Not his controlling,bossy sister or the rest of them. He is taking their side AGAINST you. THAT is NOT going to change after marriage. When you marry a man, you have to deal with his family, and if they are toxic as hell and he refuses to see that or take a stand against it, your life will be an on going chaotic, toxic battle with them forever. You’re already unhappy, frustrated and upset. IT IS NOT GOING TO GET BETTER…RUN BABY GIRL RUN!!
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Wait they come over, eat your food and nap at your house!?! What 
If he’s not on your side, leave. Its never gonna change because he won’t set boundaries with his family.
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You will need to read the book “
Boundaries “
. Then set them . You can still see his folks ( for he won’t be happy unless y’all do ) . Just make sure it is on your terms and stick to your guns when you set those boundaries. Lots of luck !
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Hell no. Set yourself free
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Sounds like Everybody loves Raymond. Lock your door. If you let them in, you asked for it.
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Every family’s are different in their ways maybe try asking politely to respect your needs and to please call before going to your home and make sure you let them know you love their company but sometimes you are just not up for company and you want some alone time with your future hubby it’s not as bad as you think be happy that they feel comfortable in your home it really is a privilege and try to appreciate that they want to visit 
otherwise trust and believe me that it’s all going to go south family visit are very special so just try to tell them just to please call before going over you got this and only you can fix it GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS
PS FAMILIES ARE FOREVER!!
If he’s mad at you for that just leave that dumpster fire while you still can
That’s literally only gonna get worse
You know it will never end. He is not respecting your boundaries. Never will.
I’d he isnt setting boundaries with you and arguing with you ir making out it’s your fault am sorry lovely its not going to change unfortunately its time to think about walking away
Lord do I know this feeling all too well!
Dump the bastard. You’re just getting a preview of coming attractions. Want a lifetime of that?
Hi I can see where your comming from ,but maby it’s just the way your looking at it k try looking .when I married my husband his family use to stay awY because they hated his last wife they lost so much time with him because of her .now they come by alot now I wish they would come by more but due to some indifference between my husband and I they quit witch is fine in my opinion they shouldn’t get in to our private stuff any way.any way .embrace then too hun. It’s family there also going to be your family,one day your back will be against the wall and belive it or not they will be the ones who will be there for you I promise. I know you guys make private plans .and that’s fine so what you do so they will be respected is just send out a tex saying in a polite manner something like this hey everyone hope all is well just letting you all not to come by tonight we won’t be home we are having a honey date night lucky us love to all .catch ya all up on it later k gave a good night
If everything you are saying is true. Then your are trying to hard to make it work. He is not trying at all. So if I were you I would dump that zero and get yourself a hero. As far as that sister of his slap her. In Any relationship. If you need therapy before your even married. Get rid of the relationship. I am a Rev and am telling you now. You are i the wrong type of relationship. He is out to please his family and not you. Leave and don’t look back.
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I have plenty of boundaries for my husband’s family. Most are enforced but some not so much. My husband hates that I stopped his phone going off at 3 am. Or that if you are home eating the phone is put away. No one comes over without a call or text. I like my space and privacy. Most people respect this boundary no problem. I do have a few that don’t but they also don’t just barge in anymore either. I am thankful that they at least don’t just walk in. I love them all but at first it was a lot. My family had no respect for boundaries so I cut them all off. It’s healthier for my mental health.
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All I have to say is good luck to you 
You’re marrying his family as well as him. GET FAR AWAY. NOT WORTH IT. No marriage will last with family center of it
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Get out of that relationship and run as far as you can.
What a mouse.
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This is only the beginning and it gets worse once you get married. You will always be on your own in that family cuz your fiance will never back you up even if he promises he will… girl run. Especially if you don’t have kids yet gtfo of there!
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I went thru this a few years back &my fiance was the same way about it so one day his mom and niece came over unannounced yet again (on a day he SWORE to me it wouldn’t happen and SWORE that we could have a day with just us and our daughter… they walk in and he doesn’t say a word so I went tf off🤷🏽♀️ me and my MiL went 2 years without speaking or seeing eachother til I got pregnant with our 2nd daughter (shes now 4 months old) and things have been fine since. We both apologized and squashed it and it seems like she got the idea and hasn’t overstepped anymore. Our relationship is good now and I’m thankful for it cuz there’s no way in hell I coulda or woulda lasted any longer how it was!
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If he’s siding with his family in their total disregard of your feelings, this marriage is not going to work. You have the right to set boundaries for your own home.
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Lock your door. Refuse to answer. They will get the hint. Everyone saying leave the guy… NO its just on your shoulders now to sort it out.
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Simple: Engaged only three months …therapy not working…leave a toxic family. It won’t end there if you don’t…No one should have therapy at three months into an engagement …Don’t let the family run your life
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If your partner doesn’t side or support you I’d leave !
Good luck with your decision!
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If this has been going on for a while & you’ve expressed your concern & boundaries to him & his family a couple of times then I wouldn’t be marrying this man, I’d be considering leaving. Maybe there was an event that kicked off them coming over unannounced, was it the engagement? Huge red flag.
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Y r u still with him ?? Hes not on ur side
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Being in therapy before marriage
Set your boundaries without being disrespectful. Let family know you need a call .
If it’s your home change the locks and keep a key for u and fiance. don’t answer the door or if you do shut the door behind you and lock it and say sry got to go.
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You need to get all these people out of your life if he does not respect your boundaries get out
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Run away now don’t get married it will get worse
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It sounds like you’re in this alone. Your other half has been raised this way. And sees no problem in it. He needs to be informed of your feelings. And be more on your side. If not…it’s not gonna be a happy relationship. You are marring him. Not his family. They are adults and should understand and know better.
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Sounds like it’s already over, don’t get married
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Nah girl you’re not crazy… sounds like his family is tho 
best of luck in you’re situation. I hope you find a happy outcome
I feel like Deborah from everybody loves Raymond wrote this! Sod that I’d be gone. Will only get worse.
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Leave. Love is not enough to put up with blatant disrespect and no support from him. It will only get worse afterwards. Heartache and peace are better than heartburn and instability.
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He has the audacity to be mad at you?
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Cut them off…along with him.
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Looks like it’s unanimous
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Either start walking around your house naked and going “my house, I’ll dress how I want” when they are pissed.
But tbh run, it will literally only get worse when you get married, god forbid you ever have children and then see how truly insane these people are.
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If you’re having this much trouble now, it will only get worse with marriage and kids. Being as your fiancé won’t back you now it will end in disaster later. Dysfunctional patterns are already set. Leaving this relationship and his family is the only resolution I see. Needing couples therapy so early in the relationship is a huge red flag.
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Girl, run before you married to him n his family is not going to get better. Run and run fast
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Marriage will amplify everything! If you are experiencing these problems now and do not like the intrusion, you will only every resent each other and the family. He will resent you for not welcoming his family that he sees as behaving normal and you will resent him for not putting them in their place. You’re engaged and in therapy?? Run, don’t walk to the nearest exit! It shouldn’t be that hard.
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No, your not crazy at all. I’m amazed you have put up with this for the 3 years you’ve been together. If your Fiancé cannot come to terms with creating boundaries for his family, then you need to end the relationship.
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Well 1st off problem number one he hasn’t supported you and backed you ! Fail ! I would just look at the bigger picture use are in therapy already and use arnt even married never mind his family sound a nightmare I would call it a day
Don’t cater to it. Continue with your plans regardless. If they happen to be there, oh well. I personally don’t like guest showing up unannounced either, but back in the day that was the norm. It’s not a bad thing in a way of speaking that they are involved in your lives. Healthy boundaries are necessary. If they don’t listen when you have asked than just continue your plans anyway. They will get the picture. Just be like okay guys, lock the door on your way out…we have plans.
Oh no… I have been in the same situation. It didn’t end good. I ended up having a kid with him before I ended up leaving. We’ve been apart for 7 years. I still battle with my ex and his family and it seems as if they purposely over step even the basic boundaries and they show no respect to me as a mother either. They constantly still cross the line… it’s angers me to say the least. BUT considering your fiancé doesn’t back you up, I say it will only continue and get worse. Sorry, but you already have a glimpse of what life will be like with him. So now you have to decide if this is what you want or not because I HIGHLY doubt they will change.
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I couldn’t do it my family doesn’t even show up I’m firm on letting anyone know to call before you come to my house I will literally be home and not answer my door if anyone shows up unannounced. It’s sucks that he isn’t on your side about it me and my bf have been together going on 5 years and we are in the same page about people not showing up to our house.
Where do they sleep? They bring his sister? They stay uninvited for dinner?
Leave him!
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Why are you considering marriage with this man? How many red flags do you need? …I am going to accept this post as a joke…because NOBODY could be this dumn!!
If he’s this mad at you over this, just imagine how much worse the family situation will be if you have kids. Unfortunately if he hasn’t seen how unhealthy his family is, chances are he woulnt and you will always be the bad guy despite clearly not being the case. Get out while you can, it’s so much easier to do it now before you get married.
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Not only are you NOT crazy, but you might want to rethink your relationship. Once you get married its going to be worse not better.
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And to add you not marring a man you marring a kid/child
Not gonna get it from that family, especially if your fiance is not supportive. Cut your losses and run like hell.
If you cant resolve it now, it will get worse. Go whilst you can. Nothing’s going to change unless you change it. Your bf will just have to accept your decision.
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Omg they are all horrendous I had an ex who’s mother would phone a million times a day don’t know how you cope I would tell them all enough enough
Been there, leaving was the best decision I ever made. His family destroyed my mental health to the point it’s been a year and half since I left him and I’m still dealing with the effects of everyrhing
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No you deserve healthy boundaries. A therapist should help define those boundaries - It is invasive and just think of how invasive it’ll be on your relationship with your own children. If that ever happens, it’ll be worse. You deserve to have a marriage and family of your own just like your mother in law and mother were able to have. I doubt there’s any woman in the world that would be okay with people showing up unannounced when they’re trying to build a relationship with their own child, and trying to have a marriage to their husband. It’s normal for family to want to see each other especially if they’re close but it’s not normal when it’s invasive and disrespecting you. It’s especially a problem if they’re trying to make you out to be some type of enemy just because you want privacy and it’s absolutely not cool if your husband isn’t compassionate toward your feelings. If he doesn’t see this as a problem and continues to dismiss you, I would consider not marrying him and not having children with him either. The biggest problem I see about all this is the total and utter hypocrisy because I’m almost 100% certain his mother had her own family and privacy and would feel pushed aside if she hadn’t. You’re being treated like a plastic board and not a human.
You have every right to set boundaries.
You don’t need him or his family.
They don’t understand the word boundaries and they never will these codependent families that need 2 leech off of each other in order to feel part of it are never going to change unit aside now before you get married what you’re willing to put up with and what you’re not you either need to physically put distance between you or learn to live with it people don’t change
If he is not on your side, or even seeing the problems at hand, RUN and save yourself the trouble.
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That’s it, I’m mother-in-law shaming.
You had me saying hell no at them eating your food and showing up every day unannounced. It is one thing for your fiance to be close to his family but it is another for them to come to YOUR house, YOUR sanctuary without an invite and then eat your food and nap at your house like you’re a fricking boarding house. Your fiance doesn’t need to choose a side but he needs to set the boundary that unless they have okayed it with you to come visit, they are not to come over. My fiance’s family sucks ass and they have always treated me like crap and my fiance always chooses them over me but he learned quick that I am done dealing with them. He can go see them, go do family crap, whatever but they are not welcome in our house together. And he understands why. You are not crazy and his family needs to back off for sure!
Sounds like it may cost you your relationship
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I wouldn’t put up with that either and I wouldn’t want to be with someone who didn’t back me up either. I don’t want people at my home 24/7. I would probably end things if my fiancé couldn’t get on the same page as me.
That whole family is toxic, including him if he’s mad at YOU for setting boundaries to benefit your relationship. Run girl.
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You aren’t crazy. My exs family use to do that all the time. We use live 5 mins from them in the same neighborhood, before my mom lived with me she would come visit with my sister and help me. My ex knew. They use to drive by twice an hour and call him to figure out who was out our house. They took pictures of my moms and sisters cars to spy on me, and when ever we went somewhere. And it seemed like they always knew were we went because they were there. He use to tell me “they are my parents they are allowed to do what they want” even told me my chronic pain was a lie to be lazy and I needed to be his maid even tho I worked. That he didn’t have to do anything. It got to the point where I told him if they don’t call before showing up I was going to let the dogs attack them. Besides the fact he was constantly cheating and was abusive, the biggest reason I lift him was because of his parents not having boundaries. Now he sees its an issue.
You are definitely not crazy… however your fiance, should be having your back with this… you may also want to reconsider your relationship with him… if you feel his family is toxic, and he is now mad at you. I don’t think when you all get married that he will stick up for you against his family.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My fiances family doesn't respect my boundaries: Advice? - #2 by GrtDaneDad
Only going to get worse…plan your exit asap non of this is ok
Start running and don’t look back
Get the hell out of this toxic relationship. Realize that you deserve better (leave him with his family) and move on to someone who really loves you. Who your happiness is important to!!!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My fiances family doesn't respect my boundaries: Advice? - #2 by GrtDaneDad
If he can’t back you up, leave!
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