This question was submitted to our community via our Facebook page and/or our Answers forum. Responses are also taken from the community. If you have your own parenting or relationship question you would like answers to, submit on Facebook or Answers.
QUESTION:
So my boyfriend and I have decided to plan our wedding but I feel bad because I don't have any family, just my kids. Nobody will be there from my side but tons will be there from his. Some of his family is helping pay for things and my family cut me off when I fell in love with a black man. I want to feel happy about all of it but how can I be happy knowing that the day most women dream about I will have no family and he and his family will be covering everything? Am I overreacting? Should I try to contact my family and ask them? I have never been married before and idk why I feel so bad about it but I just need advice or something to help me deal. We aren't rich by any means we have 4 kids we take care of so I'm sure it won't be some huge fancy wedding but I want to be happy about it and i just feel helpless.
RELATED: AITA For Refusing To Cut My Hair For My Father’s Wedding?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"This is really hard. I've read thru a lot of the other comments and it’s pretty 50/50 on what u should do. But I think the actual answer lies in what you WANT to do. Do you WANT to invite them no matter what happens after that? Or do you WANT to not invite them and are ok with the implications of that? Which route is easiest for you to accept? Bc both ways suck. If u invite them, and they show up and make it apparent they're racists (if his family doesn’t already know) then it could absolutely ruin your wedding day. The flip side of inviting them is none of them show up, and THAT ruins ur wedding day. Now if u don’t invite them, you will likely regret it just bc of the unknown. Who knows, they might have been decent about it after all. They’ll probably be pissed when they find out and say u robbed them of the chance to be there. It’s really a “damned if I do, damned if I don't” situation. I honestly don’t know what I’d do personally. My first instinct is to do a destination wedding and only have a few people there or elope to Vegas or do the courthouse. Then, have a “celebration” of the marriage separately, basically like a reception/party. That way, there’s no way anyone can ruin your actual wedding day."
"If they can so easily cut you off over who you love then let them go. Enjoy the family you are creating"
"They cut you off because your bf is black? Sorry I wouldn’t want them there. Your future husband’s family is your family now."
"i wouldn't give them the satisfaction of an invitation, let them find out some other way. Be happy don't let anyone take your happiness away"
"I don’t think having racists around your kids and husband and is a good idea…"
"Love honestly. That’s supposed to be one of the greatest days of your lives. And if they were stupid enough to cut you off when you fell in love with him that don’t even deserve to share that special time with you. You have a family babe. It’s the ones who are already there."
"Oh, Hun. I feel so bad for you. Family isn’t always blood. Family is the people who support and love you as you do for them. A wedding isn’t about who pays for what and who shows up anyway. It’s about you and your spouse building a life together. Honestly, I would not invite them if they are racist. That is just asking for a huge bag of worms."
"You're not overreacting hunni, your feeling emotions that are completely valid!! Are you close to his family? Do you have friends that are like family?"
"You don’t need unnecessary drama on your special day… the people that should be at your wedding are the people that love you and your partner and want to celebrate the both of you… the guest list should be based on that, not on the fact they are family."
"Just because they’re blood doesn’t make them family. They can’t respect who you love they don’t deserve your respect and to celebrate it. Toxic members don’t belong. Enjoy you and your real family joy and happiness"
Have a response to this question? Leave it below to help a mama out! Or leave your own question and get responses from real moms!
READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW: