Should I invite my family to my wedding?

So my boyfriend and i have decided to plan our wedding but i feel bad because i dont have any family just my kids nobody will be there from my side but tons will be there from his some of his family is helping pay for things and my family cut me off when i fell in love with a black man. I want to feel happy about all of it but how can i be happy knowing that the day most women dream about i will have no family and him and his family will be covering everything? Am i overreacting? Should i try to contact my family and ask them? I have never been married before and idk why i feel so bad about it but i just need advice or somethin to help me deal. We arent rich by any means we have 4 kids we take care of so im sure it wont be some huge fancy wedding but I want to be happy about it and i just feel helpless.

This is really hard. Ive read thru a lot of the other comments and it’s pretty 50/50 on what u should do. But I think the actual answer lies in what you WANT to do. Do you WANT to invite them no matter what happens after that? Or do you WANT to not invite them and are ok with the implications of that? Which route is easiest for you to accept? Bc both ways suck. If u invite them, and they show up and make it apparent their racists (if his family doesn’t already know) then it could absolutely ruin ur wedding day. The flip side of inviting them is none of them show up, and THAT ruins ur wedding day. Now if u don’t invite them, you will likely regret it just bc of the unknown. Who knows, they might have been decent about it after all. They’ll probably be pissed when they find out and say u robbed them of the chance to be there. It’s really a “damned if I do, damned if I dont” situation. I honestly don’t know what I’d do personally. My first instinct is to do a destination wedding and only have a few people there or elope to Vegas or do the courthouse. Then, have a “celebration” of the marriage separately, basically like a reception/party. That way, there’s no way anyone can ruin your actual wedding day.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I invite my family to my wedding? - Mamas Uncut

If they can so easily cut you off over who you love then let them go. Enjoy the family you are creating

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They cut you off because your bf is black? Sorry I wouldn’t want them there. Your future husband’s family is your family now.

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i wouldnt give them the satisfaction of an invitation , let them find out some other way . be happy dont let anyone take your happiness away

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Invite them. If they don’t coke to your big special day then you know how they feel

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Yes have it.dont do bride side or groom side.sit them wherever.your big day.there loss

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I don’t think having racists around your kids and husband and is a good idea…

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Love honestly. That’s the supposed to be one of the greatest days of your lives. And if they were stupid enough to cut you off when you fell in love with him that don’t even deserve to share that special time with you. You have a family babe. It’s the ones who are already there.

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Well lucky for you, you will be marrying a big family

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Invite them. You might be surprised. If they don’t come, it will be their loss. Have a lovely celebration whether they’re there or not.

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Send out invitations. If they come they come if they don’t they don’t.

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Send them invitations, if they come great if not that’s fine too, but DO NOT let them ruin your day! Congratulations and best of luck!

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I would suggest that you reach out to your family and give them the opportunity to stop being bigots by coming to a mixed wedding.

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Invite them and let them have a front row view of true love.

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send out the invites anyway, that way they can’t say you never tried.

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Oh Hun. I feel so bad for you. Family isn’t always blood. Family is the the people who support and love you as you do for them. A wedding isn’t about who pays for what and who shows up anyway. It’s about you and your spouse building a life together. Honestly I would not invite them if they racist. That is just asking for a huge bag of worms.

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uuh nah. I wouldn’t. I wouldnt want those kind of people around someone i love and his whole family when they clearly are racist

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Your not over reacting hunni
Your feeling emotions that are completely valid!!
Are you close to his family?
Do you have friends that are like family?

Send invite to them if you want but honestly if they cut you off over something like that , they don’t deserve to be there on your special day . It is your day and no one can ruin it

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Don’t invite them… when ppl show u how bad they are even if they are family keep them atba distant… have nothing to say to them… family isn’t always blood… it’s the ones that u love and trust and have ur back… that make u feel special… ur husband family is urs now… enjoy it

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Talk to him. Invite them.

We did courthouse. None of my family is where i live, its all his family. He said it wasnt fair to not have my family and all his. We didn’t tell anyone until after we got married, dont regret it one bit. Its what we wanted to do

Sweetie. They woildnt do it if they didnt love you. Embrace his family as your own because clearly they dont see color or mind. I wouldnt invite any person who doesnt support you and hes love and marriage. Clearly he has enough family for the both of you. I’d do anything to avoid any drama on YOUR day. Wishing you and him nothing but the best and a beautiful life together.

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You don’t need unnecessary drama on your special day… the people that should be at your wedding are the people that love you and your partner and want to celebrate the both of you… the guest list should be based on that, not on the fact they are family.

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I would reach out and send invitations. If they dont come, then that just proves how much you dont need them in your life.
I personally wouldnt want them around after they basically disowned you for your relationship

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I’ll come and be your sister!!!

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Just because they’re blood doesn’t make them family. They can’t respect who you love they don’t deserve your respect and to celebrate it. Toxic members don’t belong. Enjoy you and your real family joy and happiness

First of all Congratulations on your wedding day I wish you nothing but unconditional happiness and love.

I would Not! They don’t deserve to witness this special time for you if they’re going to be racist.
Sounds like they haven’t reached out and apologised so they don’t deserve to be there. I understand the longing for your family to be there but think it’s a big mistake if they cut you off when you fell in love with a different race Love is Love and should be accepted above all.

I’m sure your beautiful New extended family will be enough support for you all they love and accept you for who you are unconditionally.

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If they can’t accept your fiancé due to the color of his skin, they don’t deserve to be there. Invite your friends and know that everyone in attendance IS YOUR FAMILY.

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They don’t sound like very good family. In my family love has no color. To my kids it has no color or gender. I want my children to know that no matter whom they love mommas gonna be there for them. I’m so very sorry. I would mail them invitations. Let them know you love them and the next step is theirs. I hope you have a wonder wedding doll.

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If you’re family cut you off because you love someone with a different skin color I say good riddance. I would worry about how they would treat my children too.

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My husband and I got married at the courthouse. Just him and I. No family from either side. We told people after we were married. His nieces and nephews did a potluck dinner the next day for us.

I would invite them. Also, maybe put a sign like this, so you don’t feel like your side is empty. Congratulation! :bride_with_veil:t4: :ring: :bouquet:

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I mean this in the nicest way, why would you want people there that don’t love and support your decisions? It is to be the happiest day and if you invite negative people that don’t support you both, it will bring down the mood. It does suck they won’t be there, but you have to do what’s best for you and your soon to be husband.

Ur feelings are valid. If you wanna invite them do so.
But remember that day is about you and ur fiance. If you love him and this is what you want then go for it. Don’t let anyone tell you different

Send them an invitation. Don’t expect them to come.

But you are more likely to regret sending them one than not.

Remind yourself, that you’re marrying this man and becoming one with his family. They are there for both of you! Inviting your family will ruin the peace on yours and your fiances special day

Honestly I wouldn’t invite them, they didn’t support it when you got with him, I’m sorry but they probably won’t support the marriage either. It’s going to be one of the best days of your life and you don’t want to have someone there that will potentially ruin it for you. I only invited one blood relative to mine and don’t regret it at all. Remember family doesn’t have to be blood.

Send them invites, if they don’t respond. Invite all your friends… I believe family isn’t always who raised you but the people that you surround yourself with. If they don’t show up, oh well, it’s their loss and they have to live with it. Be happy you found someone who truly loves you.

I’d invite them. Put the ball in their court and leave your conscience clear. And then have a beautiful wedding and party your ass off! Congratulations!!!

They cut you off because you’re marrying a black man :roll_eyes: ok nope I’d say deuces to them for good. One you are not property that they can pick who you marry. Two they showed you absolutely who they are. If they don’t support your soon to be marriage how would they exactly support your children?? That’s worriesome , I’d never let children around people like that. They sound like awful people. You did absolutely nothing wrong they did!. I’d focus on my future and babies .Enjoy the special day because people who are there support you ,your family and your Union that’s love and that’s family.

Publish a picture of you and your fiancé in the newspaper where your family lives announcing your wedding. If they reach out to you, so be it, tell them they should know that they’re always welcome and being disassociated was a choice they made. But, remember his family being there is also your family being there. When you marry someone, their family becomes yours. I would be at just as much a loss if something was to happen to my sister or sister-in-law, my mother or mother-in-law, my aunt or aunt-in-law and so on. They are just as much my family as my blood. Even if they don’t show, you’re family is there.

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Congratulations on your and your fiance’s wedding.
And im sorry your family does not approved. I would come as your grandmother if i lived close to you.
You go ahead with your special day. Dont let your family get in your way of happiness. God bless you both.

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Hun, it sounds like you already have family there. If his parents are helping with the wedding that means they have accepted you as their own.

They don’t deserve to be invited. I hope your in laws become your new family. Mine did! Best wishes, by the way!

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Your family members are racist! Be happy they cut you off. You need no trash in your life

My heart goes out to y’all… in my opinion I say do what you feel in your gut. A woman’s intuition is almost never wrong!

So sorry you are having to deal with this. I’m sure your parents love you but are truly ignorant. Try visiting with them by yourself. Tell them how you feel about this man. In a nice way let them know that when you are married you will not accept their intolerance. They will come around. Who knows, maybe this was Devine intervention. They MUST change their intolerance to find joy and salvation.

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I wouldn’t want my family there knowing that they weren’t 100% supportive of my marriage and my husband. No way would I take a chance on one of my family members acting like a racist POS at my wedding and ruining the day. I’m in an inter-racial marriage and I can assure you that had anyone on either side acted out it would have ended badly. Spare yourself and your future husband any drama on your wedding day and only invite people who you know support you both. There will be time later to deal with your family….your wedding day isn’t the day to do it. Best wishes.

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First, congrats!!! I feel for ya, but inviting them seems like it would add anxiety and worry. Maybe just soak up the love of your new family? No sense denying their love for you guys just because of your families intolerance. If they love and appreciate you and want to celebrate that love, I’d embarrass every minute.

Send me an invite. I’ll be there :green_heart:. I’ve made choices with a husband my family maybe didn’t approve of either but I am so glad I did.

I’ll come to your wedding. We can be sisters. I’ll support anyone’s happiness regardless of what others think.

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Why would you disrespect your husband by inviting people who don’t like him because of the color of his skin? Your family doesn’t deserve to be there no offense

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First Congratulations!! Go on with your special day! I wouldn’t want my family there if I knew they didn’t support me 100%. Your fiancé’s family will now be your family so you will have family there!!! Enjoy your day and don’t worry about anything else!!

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F*** your family! My family did the same to me. I tried to let them back in and it was the worst mistake oh my life. Racism is doesn’t just go away and You won’t enjoy yourself at the event. Invite your friends and focus on your family.

Don’t invite your racist family. Your in-laws are your family now, enjoy them. Best wishes to you.

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I’d extend an invite but remember, his family is becoming your family! Do a cute seating thing, “pick a seat not a side because after today we are all family” then it won’t feel so one sided

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I wouldn’t invite them. Congratulations!

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Can you invite them to the ceremony and not the reception (unless it is in the same place)? Or jot a note to the main folks in your family and see if they still feel the same way and would want to come and behave or would still be appalled. Call them to ask if they haven’t blocked your number. Or use the invitations on friends who love you, or more distant relatives who aren’t bigoted. You can always send out announcements after the fact if you want to reach out. Don’t include a current address if you think they’ll firebomb your home.

And Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! :heart: :ring: :clinking_glasses:

Can you switch it up? Get married in the courthouse and have a reception??

Congratulations!!! I’m so sorry for your parents cutting you off. I hope you could visit them give them a chance BEFORE the wedding to see how they do. Maybe god will help them change their heart. They raised you and love you. I hope for the best but do not feel bad about his family helping! That’s amazing!! Embrace them! Good luck with everything!!

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If they disowned you for the color of your mans skin you should never speak.to them again. Dont feel guilty. They abandoned you because they are racist. You will build a better family

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Here’s a little story. We were planning this big fancy wedding. I was going to invite as many people from my family as possible, even if we weren’t close anymore or on “good” terms, because I always dreamed of having them at my wedding. But then…

When we got engaged, my husband’s family swarmed us with love like I’ve never felt before. They drowned us in congratulations, not like the kind where you comment on Facebook. The kind where they brought us cakes or gifts even if they worked all day or had busy schedules. Even if it was a 5 minute stop by, they took the time to do that. To make sure we knew they cared. He hadn’t seen or heard from some of these people since childhood. And They had NEVER met me or spoken to me before, yet I was suddenly overflowing with gifts and warm hugs and “welcome into the family” moments. People would invite us to their homes and have dinners just for us and toasts just for us as a new “married’ couple. These people are not wealthy by any means, hell, not even close. Yet they were happy for us and wanted it to be known. Now don’t get me wrong, it is not about the money or the gifts. It’s about the effort. If someone couldn’t buy us gifts, they’d have us over for dinner or they would bring us a sweet treat, some families even combined a bit of money to compile into one big gift from all of them. Some would simply come and spend time with us. I got calls and messages from his side who I had never met or spoken to, complimenting me and welcoming me and being so lovely.

Again, it isn’t about the money. But if people that are seriously struggling are able to put effort into showing their excitement and love for us, that was saying a lot about the other side who at the most commented on my Facebook post. Not even a private message or a call to wish us well, which is all we would ever want and would love more than anything.

Why would I pay for people to eat and party when they couldn’t take the time out of their day to show us a little bit of love as a new couple? It was then that I realized, most people these days are extremely distant and cold. Nobody cares anymore. My thought? Good riddance :woman_shrugging:t2: We don’t need those kind of people in our lives. Besides my small immediate family, I can name one cousin of mine that truly knows how to be family, and I’m thankful for him. We aren’t close by any means yet he has been the only one to ever show he cares.

We’ve got a big army on his side of the family, even if we see them once a year at most, that doesn’t matter. We’ve built relationships in this new stage of our life. We all help each other, support each other and are there for each other no matter what. That is everything I could have dreamed of. I just wish he had the same experience as me when it comes to sides of the family. It’s truly saddening but what can you do. I mean, they’re the ones really missing out on having the most selfless and caring people they could ever meet in their lives. They would literally let you have the shirt off their back, and they show it constantly with no questions or expectations.

My point: Don’t invite them. It wouldn’t be for you. It would be just to feed them and give them free liquor. You will be SO much happier without. I promise hun.

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If they don’t support your relationship don’t invite them. Be happy & thankful he has a family who welcomes you. It’s your day & less stress the better. This is your family now. Embrace them. Congratulations!

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Possibly call and see where they stand as of now. Extend the invitation if the show great if not oh well

FAMILY We are one so pick a side doesn’t matter groom or bride

Forget ur family his family is now ur family they seem more accepting cherish the moment regardless and get to know ur new family better

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Perhaps invite them and then it’s up to them to decide to come or not. This is you extending the olive branch. They may miss you and be upset at their actions this will give them the chance to be in yours and your kids lives. If they don’t attend then you know there will be no further relationship into the future.

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I wouldn’t Invite them anywhere ever.

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Sorry but that doesn’t make her family racist. I’m sure they have lots of friends that are black or other races. They just disapprove of her with a black man.

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Don’t invite them, they might ruin your day. They are racist. Enjoy your day! Without them congratulations :tada::balloon:

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The 1950’s called and they want “your” family back, somewhere in the deep south no doubt, you dont want anyone that un-evolved anywhere near your special day, if you do invite them make sure to hold your reception at a Woolworths lunch counter if you can still find one

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You can invite them to the wedding ONLY, not the reception. Make sure you enclose RSVP cards - - . Doubt if they come - but that is their problem - you made the gesture - it is up to them to respond.

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How long have you been with your boyfriend? Maybe they cut you off at first and have had time to think and see you’ve been together long enough and have had a change of heart but don’t know how to break the ice?

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I got married And my hubby has like 12 people and I had like 250 we just mixed everyone up and has a blast… you risk inviting your family and drama…the only drama I had was my hubby’s aunt wearing a sleazy leopard print dress and drinking too much and hitting on everyone. Lol

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Just because they share the same DNA with you doesn’t make them family…it sounds like his family is your family and has been for a long time…all you can do if you chose to is extend an invitation out to your “family” but don’t expect a response or for any of them to even come…it sounds like they’re raciest and honestly you don’t need that in y’all’s lives…love is love no matter the color of their skin or what gender they are… Congratulations on y’all’s wedding!! Focus on the good and y’all’s future!! Try not to stress over toxic people! :heart:

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My family doesn’t like my husband either simply because he has piercings and my family quit talking to me once they found out I married him

Your man will now be your family. If your side honored you, the man you chose would not be a problem!!!

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None of my family showed up for my wedding either, I had an amazing time with our kids just do your best to focus on the family you’re making. (they aren’t racist they just suck)

Invite them if they come good if they don’t that’s okay. It’s about you and your husband now. You have a new family . Appreciate the love from the ones who are there for you

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Don’t invite them. Your special day is about the family you are creating, not the relatives that disowned you over race. And if my partner’s family didn’t like me bc of my race, I would want them at my wedding

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My sister married a white man and not near one of his side of family met or ever saw their grands . He had one brother that snuck and to see them . Guess what? They were happy ever after​:heart::100::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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They are your family. Blood doesn’t make a family a family.

Invite your close friends. That’s your family as well. At least they love you for who you are. I wouldn’t invite my racist family to my wedding.

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I wouldn’t invite them because they’ll simply find a way to ruin your day. They already told you how they feel about you being with him.

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I would say that you would like them to attend your wedding asking them for their blessing as family as you have found your soulmate. With RSVP if not acknowledged then forget them, start anew at least you know you tried.

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Invite ur friends , ur kids are ur family to that’s enough …
Move forward move on thats ur life…
If ur family cant accept the spouse u choose
then u dont need them there…

His family is your family now. Never beg people to love you and accept you. They made their choice. We don’t get to choose our families, and you don’t have to allow someone in your life just because they are “family”. Family means nothing without unconditional love. Let his family love you and be your new family. I know it still hurts but your family doesn’t even deserve to share your happiness.

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I’d reach out. Let them know I am getting married and would love it if they would attend in support of your big day. But if they decline, move on with your life. I know family is supposed to come first, but that’s controlling and disgusting and you don’t need that energy in your life babygirl! Move on and marry the love of your life, have a family and raise little people who will be proud of the person you are and who you guys can pass some love on to.

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Send them an invitation but don’t set your heart on them attending. Love the family and friends that accept your relationship and know that love comes from within not from the color of skin

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Count your blessings. Don’t beg anybody to be in your life that doesn’t want to be. Especially racists. Be happy, enjoy your day. If his family is helping, know that it’s because they want to and are genuinely happy for you and him. Those are the kind of people to keep in your life.

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If your family is racist they are toxic. You will be happier without that kind of negative energy and toxic mentality. Try and focus on being thankful for your new found family. Loyalty is family. Congratulations on your engagement! :partying_face: :tada::confetti_ball:

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If your family disowned you because you fell in love with a black man I wouldn’t invite them because if they’re racist (sounds like it since they cut you off cause of who you fell in love with) then there’ll be drama and you definitely don’t want that on your wedding day.

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Hun your family will be there. His family. They have obviously accepted you as apart of their family with open arms. Embrace the fact the people who are around you on your wedding day care about you and you family. Do you really wanna spend your wedding day worrying about whether or not your “family” is gonna start some kind of drama or problems. They cut ties with you. They don’t deserve a chance to be apart of your life. Especially not when your relationship with you soon to be husband is why they did it in the first place.

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Family is who u decide… not always blood. My husbands family is more mine then my blood fam ever was! Invite who you want… not who you feel obligated

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it’s your day. eliminate any and every possible negative person or situation. focus on your future husband and not anyone else’s feelings but urs n his. the only way to have the best day.

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Sweetie I couldn’t hurt to ask. You be happy - my father’s parents I hear didn’t come to their wedding - my Pops was white and my Momma was Mexican. Yeah in California in the 60’s- anyways - we grew up barely knowing them - anyways - it’s their loss not yours - you apparently have a good man with an awesome family - don’t worry young one- you be happy!!! We had an awesome childhood and my Parents were always happy . (RIP- both)

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I’d reach out because it means something to YOU. They might have got over it by now. Just tell them that you’re getting married and if they don’t want to come or still don’t want to be a part of your life then just move on with your own new family and don’t look back. Real family is about who is there for you in good times and bad. It’s is not always DNA. Congratulations on your wedding, I hope you have a beautiful day x

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