So my fiance and I just had our little one almost two months ago, and all of a sudden, so much has gone down. He has two sons from a previous relationship because of some seriously intense issues at the time he couldn’t take care of. So when we got together, he decided once we got stable, he was going to try fighting for custody, visitation, something so he could see his kids again. After finding out we were pregnant; we decided to wait until our son was born. Well, we got a call from child support saying he was getting called in for a DNA test. He went gladly so he could show them he was more than willing to be a part of their lives in any way. Well, before the DNA test even got sent in, they called us and said the kids were adopted out to their grandmother, and we’re wondering if there’s a way we could fight this? We will be contacting all of our local attorneys to talk with them about what we should do, but does anyone think it’s able to be fought?
Sounds like a deadbeat dad. He only came around after the fact.
“Seriously intense issues”
Is it actual custody, or guardianship? You should be able to.
If he never signed away his rights this is illegal and he can fight it.
They have to have the father sign away his rights for the kids to be adopted out.
My sister was 16 when they tracked my dad down to say you are the father now sign here…
Gosh how long as it been since he as been in there lives. Those poor kids.
They cant just be adopted out. Something else is going on or hes not telling you the whole story
Yeah sounds like temporary guardianship not adoption unless it was already in the process before u guys did the test.
He would have had to be TPR for that to happen…
IF they “adopted” them out then a judge must’ve declared abandonment…
Depending on the situation, if something happened to the mother or she lost custody or is incarcerated an the grandparents adopted them then most definitely yes he is still their father. If he lost custody signed his rights away or something like that it will most likely be a uphill battle
Ya if he was on the birth certificates they would need him to sign for them to be adopted unless it’s been an extended period of time he has not been in there lives. Even then they stI’ll send you papers as a last chance .
Maybe they’re better off with their grandparents. He needs more than 2months of being a parent to be able to prove he can raise kids. Give it some time. Get settled and on the right track.
Depends on how well the kids know him. If he’s never been around that would be hard for them to go with a stranger.
I’m sorry but fighting for you kids when your personal circumstances fit, then he trys?
They went to their grandparents because he’s not reliable, they need an all the time father not a conditional one
I’m more concerned about him not wanting to be in their lives till “ after” y’all child was born. Tf? Sounds like the kids are better off anyways if he didn’t even know their grandmother adopted them. Smh. This post is all fucked up.
Unless he had previously lost all parental rights, he would legally be required to receive a notice before adoption could take place. If he had lost parental rights, there’s not much he can do now.
Why wait till your stable wait till after the new baby is born etc etc? Being a parent isn’t part time .
You can fight an adoption only if they didnt follow the correct process…which differs from state to state. Here, the parents gets a notice and has 30 days to object. If they dont object then the adoption goes through easy peasy. If he wasnt around, or making attempt then you have little to no chance and tbh yall dont deserve one. “Getting stable.” Waiting for the new baby… come on. What about the kids who needed a dad and he wasnt there? It doesnt take money or stability to at least BE THERE.
People,when their young make bad, choices loose their kids,but if they straighten up,they deserve 2nd. Chance! To know love. Have relationship with,them
You fight for your kids no matter what. So he’s leaving some stuff out or he’s full of it. The grandparents most likely have guardianship. Mom and dad need to get their shit together.
Included Grandmaw too
I wouldn’t. They’ve never lived with their father. They know their grandparents and they might be more comfortable there. Your fiancé can be involved in their life without uprooting them
Something is missing from this story…
Courts don’t just award kids over. There must have been court hearings he missed, classes he didn’t attend and visitations he must have missed. She legiones for adoptions and those take a long time because the court waits for bio parents to contest and step up…he should be there for them if he’s allowed, of it just let them be and move on. He’s living with the consequences of his own choices.
If he wasn’t on the birth certificate and stalled around for an extended period of time before stepping up then there is a good chance that this will be permanent.
The DNA test should come back soon and you guys can easily get the kids back. The grandparents can’t legally adopt his kids if he is on the birth certificate unless he signed his parental rights away and signed legal documents for them to adopt the kids.
There is a lot missing to this story. Depending on the state, they may have found he abandoned them. Where has dad been all these years? Why was he MIA? Why would you two having another child put the others off? That’s pretty selfish of him and now you. You better pray to God ge doesnt do the same to you and your baby. Talk to an attorney and find out your states guidelines and what the father has missed or didnt know about. I have a feeling the courts found he abandon them. But you wint know until you talk to the courts and retain an attorney.
If they were taken by CPS and they gave the kids to the grandparents it’s not permanent. That’s why they are doing the dna test. They couldn’t have been adopted with out his permission.
That kid will forever wonder why dad didnt fight for him if he doesnt try. Similar thing happened to a friend. She signed her rights over to her ex while she was going through a rough time, trying to get sober. 2 years later, once she was sober and had a great job and house she felt like she would be disrupting their lives so she let it be. Now they are teenagers and have serious abandonment issues and rarely talk to her unless she’s offering them money. If she tries to explain they throw abandoning them in her face and say when they have kids, they will always know they are wanted. If he has his crap together, then fight, show the kid you’re not giving up on him. The grandparents can still be part of his life.
Wow kids are not things like toys that can be put on a place and picked up when needed you even thought to wait until after you gave birth if you both were serious it would be done straight away seriously showing maturity when the kids must fit in your time line and not theirs personally leave the children were they are stable and visit slowly
Were his rights terminated? Did he sign over his rights? If not he can fight it
Um so he abandoned his kids physically and financially. He wanted to wait for his third child to be born to try and take responsibility… and now he wants to fight it when someone stepped up for those kids ?!? Girl bye
If he was actually serious about wanting to be in their lives, when he got his act together he should have immediately started the process of visitation. Instead he just started talking about it when he met you, yet did nothing. Then decided it would be more convenient to wait until after you had your child. It doesn’t work this way. It’s a long process - it should have been started a long time ago if he really meant it, he could have had regular visits, then as they got comfortable trying for custody. Instead he did nothing. You can always try now just be ready to have a good explanation for this because it doesn’t look good.
Why fight ot just talk to the grandmother. Shes family I’m sure something can be worked out. I suggest starting slow. Stopping by the grand parents house for visits. Then move to doing outside events. Then a day at your house. Sleep over next ect. Dont just uproot them right away. This kind of stuff takes time and honestly if you can keep it out of the court room all the better in my opinion! Good luck!
Sounds like a dead beat dad that is only telling you what you want to hear… Something just doesn’t add up
honestly. this is coming from the heart and as a grandmother…if those kids are in a stable. happy home, they need to stay where they are.the courts awarded the ones that got custody for a reason.this should all be about the. and what is best for them.so if they are stable and doing well, I would leave them alobe6.for whatever reason they were removed, adopted, custody changes, etc etc…its traumatizing.they dont need additional trauma with being moved again.
and also. unless the grandparents that were awarded custody are unfit, no the courts won’t change it.all of that is looked at from the beginning.
If he can establish that he is their bio father, he can tell them he never knew about an adoption, and never gave up parental rights, he might have a good chance but it would have to be full custody(I’ve heard). I would definitely ask a family attorney. One that has a good reputation with getting families back together. A lot of them have free consultations to see if they think you could possibly win. Good luck
How long has he seen the kids the reason why I ask is if the kids don’t know who he is then he should leave it that way and let the kids track him down when he’s older so he doesn’t confuse them I’m not saying I agree with what happened but we don’t know the whole story as to why he’s not in there life but he should be apart of all his kids life not just the baby maybe for him at the time he didn’t feel ready to be a dad or the mom and him don’t get along they fight to much so he feels it would be better to not see the kids
How long has it been since you’ve been with them? If it’s month’s or a year top’s, maybe it would be ok. If it’s been year’s (or ever) then you really have no right to uproot the only good thing they’ve known. Since their asking for a DNA tells me paternity has never been established nor support given. Also tells me you’ve been missing in action a long time. Legally maybe but have a heart. Sounds like mom sucks, and grandma has been their lifeline. Maybe visit’s slowly if they want it. Otherwise leave them be.
I am sorry you and your fiance sound like pieces of shit. In your explanation he had more than one excuse not to get his kids. Leave those poor kids alone. If you had any common sense you should be looking at what he will probably do to you and your baby
You had a baby with someone you knew did not take care of his responsibilities… He ignored entire human beings he helped create. Glad the grandparents stepped in.
I’m sorry but I don’t believe he is telling you the whole truth because dcf would rather them go to a parent than a grandparent and if they had his number then they would’ve been making contact with him regarding the children he didn’t comply with something
Im just wondering why wait till after the baby was born?
So much judgement here… sad.hope the kids are ok n happy,thats all that matters
Honestly there isn’t enough info about him or the situation to morally tell you if there were a way. Maybe they’re not with him for a reason, we don’t know.
Did he sign away his rights or have them terminated?
If he knew they were his kids but needed a dna test, it means he never acknowledged them as his own. Kids can’t be put on hold for someone else. If he didn’t care for them before, he should just leave them where they’re wanted.
If they were adopted out there is process for that. They try to reunite families, hence how they wound up with the grandparents. After that has failed the state will terminate parental rights thus making the kids available for adoption. This isn’t a fast moving process unless the children are in immediate danger even then there is a period where they may allow the parents to come back in.
He obviously wasnt on the birth certificate guys. If he was on the birth certificate they wouldnt have brought him for DNA test. They would have slapped him with child support no questioned asked
Get a family lawyer and ask him/her
Dont disrupt their lives again not fair on the kids maybe find away if you could see them and let them know that he cares about them ,only if he is serious
I would ask an attorney, not everyone’s crap opinions on Facebook.
This is wrong on so many levels. First off you knew he had kids he didnt take care of then had a baby with him, second he put HIS children on hold to father another one, and third you both think you have the right to uproot those children again because now hes ready to be a dad? Children are not a “I’ll take care of them when its convenient for me” kind of thing. Its a full time, no matter what unforseen circumstances, all day every day job! I’m sorry but you both should be grateful to their grandmother and leave those poor kids be!
Where I live (done know if it’s the same in USA) once adoption has taking place that’s basically it,parent responsibility gone,no rights whatsoever. Leave them with grandma for their sake,sounds like they’ve been through enough.
Wanting to fight now is better than not fighting at all. Being financially stable is important so it’s smart that they waited until they are.
If they were adopted then no, he has no parental rights
Thank God for grandparents, huh?
They couldn’t be adopted if you’re being taken for child support if they were adopted all legal rights as a parent would be terminated and that means no child support￼
I have no idea. The laws seem to be different in every state. My concern is how can they be adopted unless he gave up his paternal rights ? Remember God knows what you and the kids needs. Trust Him and pray. Good Luck
Normally once adoption is done … It’s done… You will waste alot of time and money for nothing … If the kids has been adopted to her, she has all the rights and can make all the choices nothing really you can do about it
Plus those kids have already been uprooted leave them be if they are happy, taken care of, and not being mistreated… Until the grandma can no longer take care of them …
Best bet would just to talk to the grandma and see about visiting them…
Leave the kids alone. You will disrupt their lives. This comes from someone who was adopted
Just leave them. They dont not need hot mess idiotic parents to take them from a stable home.
“we decided to wait until our son was born” - why?
According to the info provided, should have been talking to and seeing the kids even though he had one on the way. Children hardly ever ask for money. It doesn’t cost anything for time. My children’s father went 4 whole years without a word. I wasn’t going to go for child support until he was gone for 6 months of no call no show. I told him I would never ask as long as he was a true dad to the kids and help me when they needed and to spend time with them. He didn’t. We went to court for non payment and the judge told him after a year of no communication, not even a phone call, it was considered abandonment. So, it is now up to my discretion on when and if he gets the kids. We started out slowly but now he sees them regularly. I get all holidays unless it is discussed prior. He understands he messed up but our kids is now 16 and 13. My youngest was almost 3 when he walked. Kids don’t comprehend why mom and dad don’t have anything to do with them. They don’t care about money. They just want love from their parents and if they see he is having another child with you, while waiting for him, how do you think the children will feel? I’m not judging by any means, but make sure you think of those kids and all possibles. My kids had anger issues in the beginning towards their dad and lasted almost 2 years, not because of me as I never talked bad about him, but because of his actions.
He doesn’t even deserve those poor kids
Generally adoption requires a minimum amount of fostering time so that being said those kids have been with grandma a long time. Like people are saying here, to rip them away from that wouldn’t be fair, by the sounds of it shes all they’ve known. I would contact grandma and let her know you want a relationship. Unfortunately if he REALLY REALLY wants one he has to jump through her hoops. I definitely think going to court is not only a waste of money but wrong, start the relationship off on the right foot, or restart whatever. Dont fight grandma bevause she has done more for those kids then anybody, help make her life easier, show HER you guys dont just WANT to be parents but are GOING TO BE parents. Give her money even if it’s not obligated, buy the boys clothes and bring them over, toys, school supplies, cleaning supplies. Bring the new baby over to grandma and help clean the house for her. Trust me if you start the relationship off right then he may not get EXACTLY what he wants but he will be in their lives theyll see him trying and they will want to continue a relationship. Plus then grandma is alot more likely to allow visits herself without being forced.
It can depend. In my state if you dont got nothing to do with the kids for a year it’s considered abandonment and you get your rights stripped from you . Waiting is never good when the kids are in the system… I dont see why he couldnt fight for them while you were pregnant. If he has been around in that year then yeah he can fight it. Because they cant adopt out kids without someone signing their rights off or getting them stripped from them
For the state to award full custody to a grandparent neither he nor their mother were doing their part for these kids. It took my husbands Aunt several years for everything to be finalized. So I’m just curious how long this has been going on… He wants a relationship great but the courts have decided that the best interest for these children are with their grandmother. He needs to take a step back and think about what is best for them… not him. Personally I would fight tooth and nail for my girls but at the end of the day it’s about what is best for them, not me! Do they have a happy, healthy and secure home with their grandmother? So they have an established routine, established school life? Would him fighting for custody disrupt everything they have ever known? He needs to sit down and think about these kids and their needs first!
Maybe he should’ve cared before the courts forced him to provide for his children and maybe you shouldn’t of made more with the pos.
Your bf may not be the other 2 kids father. If there was a DNA test scheduled but the courts proceeded without the results from your bf there is a good chance that another man was tested and came back a match for the kids and went ahead and signed over his rights. In Kansas and Missouri the courts can’t/won’t proceed without a conclusive DNA.
Sounds like the kids are exactly where they belong.
Usually the parents have to sign over their rights before anyone can adopt them. Unless his parental rights we’re terminated by cps in which case he would of been notified, of several court cases before hand. Get a hold of the Attorney General and find out what’s going on. Also get a Lawyer. Then call Fathers for equal rights. They are a great org. And help many Dads
His rights could have been terminated if he wasnt doing what he was supposed to do to get them back while they were being fostered.
Leave those kids alone and pay child support if they are his. Y’all didn’t want those kids before why now? Just so u can play house?! This is disgusting.
What I don’t get is why did he turn over his parents rights of did he? If they’re adopted I think he can still have visitation rights. Interesting get a good lawyer.
Can u explain y he didn’t think he was ready
You may want to do a background check on him, i dont think you have the whole story on him…
Dont play tug of war with the kids, sure try for visitation but they must of gone through alot,let them stay in one play and get some steady home life.
Sounds like both parents are dead beats if they are getting adopted out to Grandma.
They don’t even know him. Leave those kids alone and let them be with family who have actually put forth effort. As a PARENT you don’t get to just decide to put off fighting for your kids, jeeze. Also tho, if they are legitimately adopted then he isn’t the dad. They asked for a DNA test I’m willing to bet it’s because they had someone else claim them and end up being the father.
This makes no sense. He would have had to sign his rights over in order for the kids to be adopted out.
Do the kids actually want to leave? It’s really more about them than your husband. They might be very comfortable and happy at grandmas, if so, you shouldn’t pursue it.
The court is going to say U WERE STABLE ENOUGH TO START A RELATIONSHIP & NOT BE IN UR SONS LIVES, & THAN YOU WERE STABLE ENOUGH TO MAKE ANOTHER BABY & STILL NOT BE IN YOUR SONS LIVES!!! THEY DONT CARE THE REASON, BECAUSE YOU HAD TIME TO FOR WHAT U THPUGHT & FELT WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR PRIOR PRIORITIES
Sounds like they belong with grandma.
Build a relationship with the kids and leave them in grandmas care.
Sweetie why are you asking people on here about something like that? You seriously should be talking to an attorney, nobody on here is a lawyer.
Well it’s not gonna look good that he kept putting off getting them and still brought another child into the world. You MIGHT be able to fight it but he’ll probably just get visitation if they’re already adopted
Y’all all so wrong. The dad could have been trying to get his life straight so that he had the ability to properly care for the kids. And relationships with a woman actually have no baring on what his life was like. Plus the new baby may have been a surprise and he wasn’t able to take care of everything at once. That does not mean he don’t care or cares more about one over the others. It simply means that he literally had no way to care for them. Maybe he knew that with a new baby he would need even more together before he brought them back to live with him.
If they were adopted, then his rights would had to have been terminated somehow. Might have been terminated from no contact after 6 months or something. Best bet would be to ask the grandparents for visitation. It would be hard to get custody in this case, but not impossible, but will take a lawyer.
why didnt u fight at least to see them before even if it was supervised… i can understanding needing to get shit together to fight for custody… but from what i gather its been over a year since even trying to see them… are those kids happy, healthy, doing good in school, moving past the shit from their past?? yes?? then dont u dare try and rip those kids from their home… wanna see em fine get rights to see them he has ALOT of trust building to do with those kids … you try and take em from a happy home… your gunna do more harm then good…
red flags, red flags everywhere! Been there with my ex; his parents had custody and I was too naive or dumb to see. If you want to be a parent, you’re there and you don’t WAIT for new baby to be born.
I feel like there more to this story he isn’t telling you.
For grandma to adopt them kids, both parents gave up the right to them.
You guys need to contact a lawyer
I agree with Kara Bright-Long. There is way more to this whole thing then you really know. He got with you…you got pregnant, and THEN he suddenly wants these other kids in his life?if they have been legally adopted, then that’s it. He signed his kids away. Wheres the mother? I’m guessing she also signed them away. Those kids need stability and love. No fighting and custody battles. If you all really cared about those kids, you would leave them be with grandma and maybe work it out with HER…IF he MIGHT be allowed to contact the kids. Something went down. You dont have a full story…only the part he chose to share with you.
Amazing! We know nothing of the history but have opinions. The father will have to explain what took so long. Is this a problem of ownership? Not a good reason to rip up the baby,s life. Is grandma from the wife or his side? If she did a good job taking care of him then she may have an emotional attachment and vice versa. How stable are he and you? The baby is not bought from Walmart. Where is he/she better off? Are you living in the same area. Whoever gets custard should help develop relationships with the rest of the family. The only one I care about is the kid and what is best for him/her.
Why would you put it off because you were having a baby?
Umm I have had a rough year going on two but I still manage to see my kid and I’m a state away. Sure it’s not every other weekend but Christmas and summer break yeah. Idk I get wanting to get back on your feet and spare your child from that burden but if he is serious about being involved with his kids life now it’s gonna take baby steps to return.
Sorry he should have been fighting for them from the start and waited to have anymore kids. There is way more to this than your putting out there
If she was able to adopt them it means he has been out of their life long enough to be considered abandonment. My advice would be to not rip the kids from the only bit of stability they know, I would talk to grandma and see if she would be okay with him seeing the kids. You could be taking away the only parent they have known.
He stepped out of their lives because things were hectic for him but he had enough time to start a new relationship and family with you all while being an absent father to the children he already had. I don’t know how (or if) they got adopted without his consent but the children should remain in the stable home that they know, not with their absent father who now doesn’t want to pay child support😏
This can’t be the whole story because the state would try to put them with a birth parent before a sibling unless he’s proved to be an unfit parent or relinquished his parental rights to them. And if he was proven unfit or gave the rights up then my next question would be if it’s really in the children’s best interest to be removed from a grandparent deemed fit to raise them and uprooted from their lives just so their dad could see them more.
Yes. Natural parent has first right to child. How did the adoption happen? Did he give up his rights or since a DNA test is being asked, does he have proof of any kind they are his kids?