My fiances sister doesn't approve of our engagement: Advice?

I am in a relationship and have been for about 9 months…he doesnt live anywhere near his family due to work reasons…so i have not met his family…he proposed to me and posted the ring to his facebook…his sister commmented…“no…no you did not…tell me this is a joke” on his post…and while we dont need her approval to get married, this still made me feel some type of way because of how openly rude she was…like what do i do? i am supposed to meet them at christmas and now i am so nervous

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She has never met you so the negative comment probably has nothing to do with you, maybe she knows something about him that you don’t.

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In reality he proposed to a woman they don’t even know, have never seen, have never met. . . They’re entitled to be shocked and upset a little.

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Well nine months and he’s proposed. You haven’t met any family at all and her comment sounds like she knows this behavior from him. So almost a year before you meet any family members. Red flags are disguised to what we think are happy blessings. This is just based off of the post. I don’t know you’re history with him I don’t know how far he lives from them. But to me those seems like red flags. Proposed in a short amount of time, you haven’t met family and a family member is already like wtf. Just keep an open mind. Family is probably thrown off.

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Maybe he’s the type of guy who always falls in love hard and fast and you aren’t the first girl he’s proposed to. Hell I had a friend like that, he kept proposing so quick and with every girl he dated. Also if it’s been 9 months and they haven’t met you I could see her being shocked.

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I would never accept. Proposal until I meet the family firsts. While your not marring the family you will find out a lot about your spouse that way. They way she acted tell me their is more to the story that you don’t know.

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Shock and surprise does not automatically equate disapproval…dont read to much into it. Be yourself…he proposed to you afterall.

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I’d be upset if my brother proposed to a women I’ve never met. I’d also be shocked at how fast the proposal was and advise him against moving that fast.

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I don’t blame her. Ya’ll have only been in a relationship for 9 months and you’re already engaged. I’d be skeptical too. YOU don’t even know him fully as a person yet. And you haven’t even met his family? There are so many red flags here

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You’ve been together for “about” 9 months, according to you. I bet her surprise was how fast this relationship has progressed in such a short time, and I wonder if this is a pattern for him. Hopefully he’s not just love bombing you and trying to tie the knot before his mask falls off. I’d be excited to meet his sister, and fam just so I could find out more about a man I plan to marry after knowing for less than a year.

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Say no it’s not a joke Jill her with kindness people hate that

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Probably meant like “oh no you didn’t just propose to someone our family has never met”. It has nothing to do w you personally.

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It’s none of her business. Just ignore her and let your fiance handle it if he wants. Not worth your time.

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I feel like when you know, you know. And if you can’t see yourself wanting to spend your life with someone after a year, then I feel like continuing that relationship is probably pointless. I don’t understand the amount of people who are so shocked by an engagement after 9 months, for that reason. If you’ve been living together that long, I’d say you have a pretty good feel for who that person is. Most people wouldn’t be able to maintain a facade for that long. Sister will probably get over it and you have plenty of time to get to know each other before a wedding. A marriage is between you two only, anyway. Don’t let that comment ruin a happy time for you. Congratulations.

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I’d say the same to either of my brothers after 9 months and no one knowing them. If you’re that hurt and concerned you might as well end it now, because us sisters dgaf and will speak our mind when it comes to our brothers…

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Comment on her comment and say, “He sure did! I am so excited to become part of your family and look forward to meeting you in person this Christmas! As my future sister in law, I’m expecting you to tell me all the silly/embarrassing stories of his youth! :joy:

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I got engaged to my husband after 8 months together and we will be together 20 years in April. Don’t listen to the haters.

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Possibly she just couldn’t accept he put it on social media first before telling her in person himself. Therefore no no no no. I can’t believe you’ve done this.

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Just be you girl​:heart: he’s gonna be ur husband for a reason… they haven’t met you. When they do, I’m sure they’ll get why he proposed to you :heart::pray:t4::raised_hands:t4:

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I wouldn’t take it personally. You haven’t even met her so you don’t know if she meant it as she doesn’t approve (not that you need the family approval) I’d be sad if I had to find out my brothers engage before he even shared the exciting news and would probably respond in a similar way out of shock. Focus on yourself and the beautiful bride you’ll be.

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After that I would only meet them on neutral territory on a random wed not a holiday, not in their home and not in Your home either

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It’s your husband’s sister so he needs to take care of the situation… You have every right to be upset. But on another note who cares what she thinks honestly!

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I’ve learned over the years that if they decide they’re not going to like you nothing will change their mind, just go see them at xmas and enjoy yourself and ignore any haters.

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if my brother posted out of the blue he was getting married and I hadn’t met her I would have done the same exact thing

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It has nothing to do with you if you’ve never met her. I would take it with a grain of salt and show her how wonderful it is

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You have every right to feel hurt about it. Try to keep an open mind and wait until you meet her in person. She could be upset at the fact that he’s engaged and the family hasn’t met you yet.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My fiances sister doesn't approve of our engagement: Advice?

Probably because it’s only been nine months it’ll get better

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Maybe it’s just in the tone that you read it in. Maybe she’s excited?

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Who cares? Not her business. Let him deal with it.

I mean… imagine your brother, or your sibling got married or engaged to someone the family doesn’t know. Sounds like a shock to everyone. So allow them to process it their own way. Being rude and mean isn’t acceptable but you’re lacking understanding for what his family might feel.

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Sisters are over protective. She doesn’t know you from a hole in the wall. The way she went about it is rude but I wouldn’t take it personally. I would have a talk with your fiance about how it made you felt and have him address it.

Personally I would comment back, " it’s not a joke <3 I can’t wait to meet you at Christmas."

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Something going on may want to find out more

It’s none of her business. He needs to squash that shit asap. I can’t imagine posting that on my brothers announcement. But it’s a shame that’s how she found out.

Just let it go, my sister in law was butthurt that me and my husband got together but got over it real quick to cuz my husband said something to her but not cuz I brought it up that it hurt cuz I just left it alone. Now we been together 8 years and married 2 years and me and my sis in law are very close

So he proposed and put up a ring on social media and didn’t even let the family know before hand? Her comment may not necessarily be anything to do with you but the fact that he didn’t even have the courtesy to let his family know before the general public.

Don’t pay it any mind and wait to see their behaviour when you meet face to face.

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Not her business but also 9 months is soon to some ppl and she could have said that because this may have not been her brothers first time doing something like this

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Remember he chose You & You can’t choose your family. Now Comment Back something like.

I can’t wait to meet you, See you at Christmas sis :kissing_heart:

Well it’s only been 9 months so she probably thinks it’s too soon!

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F her , she’s a joke . Tell her F off. And get married

This is probably to protect you

Hold your head up and stand by your man! She doesn’t live with u or know u!

Ignore her. Dont be provoked and go on about your life.

I mean, it’s really no one else’s business if you choose to marry someone or not. but from personal experience, I’d absolutely not get married after only 9mon of dating.

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Remember how he makes ypu feel not the family.

That was a terrible introduction to that sister. I think your most important aspect to this is how your fiance reacted to his stupid sister’s nasty behavior… Did he put her in her place or did he just shrug it off or worse… ignore it? His behavior is the most important key to your relationship with him. It will tell your future. Good luck, honey!

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His sister knows him and unfortunately when family is upfront and rude it should be taken as a warning to you! I don’t think it’s becuase she’s challenging YOU, it’s about him!

I don’t think the comment was personal. I think it was more so that she was in shock. Kill it with kindness and move forward. And congrats! Everyone has their own pace for their own relationships.

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Reply no it’s not a joke :kissing_heart::rofl:

However I’d now be wondering why that’s her view if your only mutual connection is your fiancé… where has she got a negative view from👀x

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He shouldn’t have proposed before you even met his family. She was rude, but he was sort of rude as well by not introducing everyone before taking such a huge step. I’m sure his family feels a bit hurt and surprised by it.

I don’t take that as rude I take that as a surprised sister and maybe alil pissed he didn’t tell her! Nothing to do with you

I think she meant it in a good way… Like she’s excited…

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It’s only been 9 months, you have never met the family. You don’t truly know this man at all. Yea, bad decision for sure😳

Her level of petty is ridiculous

Maybe had nothing to do with you. Other than he’s growing up with out his sister around/in his life…

Maybe she just ment it Like o no you didn’t propose to someone none of us have met wtf dude. That’s what I would think

A sister knows way more than you about this guy. Instead of hating the sister, figure out why you haven’t met this guys family and why his sister responded that way! There’s a reason I’m sure.

Just be the best you can be and wow them when you meet them. Make them eat their words!

Don’t let her get under your skin. Ask her why on the comment, and go from there. Maybe she wanted his family to meet you first … her comment is still rude and she should have private messaged you guys. Tell her that.

Simply reply with no it’s not a joke we are 100% in love and very happy thank you for your concern though I can tell your an amazing sister

He proposed after only 9mo together, & his family has never met you, so… :woman_shrugging:

Since they do not know you, they may have doubts about his readiness for marriage. Can’t take it personally, be your loving, charming self and meet the family with hope and take it from there!

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I’d act the same way finding out on fb ! and don’t help u never met his family I’m sure the sister was just feeling hurt :broken_heart:

I had a brother get married extremely fast, like after 2 or 3 months of knowing the chick and it ended horribly. So maybe it’s just something to do with them knowing him and not getting a chance to get to know you well yet. Hope all goes well :purple_heart:

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All these people saying “it’s only been 9 months and you’re already engaged. Red flags.” Are ridiculous. If you know you know. His sisters opinion of you could be based off her own stance on getting engaged quickly. All I’m saying is, go there ready to defend yourself, but be polite and be yourself. If things pop off it won’t be your fault and hopefully your fiance will defend you if he is that serious about you. I hope that meeting them goes well and your accepted as a welcomed family member. May you two have a wonderful life together and congratulations
!

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Don’t worry about them. You don’t not owe them anything. They are not entitled to anything.

My husband and I got engaged after two months. :woman_shrugging: Some family members asked if I was knocked up because it was so quick :sweat_smile: I wasn’t lol we didn’t get married right away though we had a long engagement (5yrs, we were young and broke) been together 12 yrs now

I can absolutely understand the other perspective though, we’re lucky, most relationships that move that fast don’t work out so :woman_shrugging: give his family a little grace they’re probably just shocked.

Honestly she sounds like a bitch. There is no good reason to respond that way publicly. There just isn’t! She could have privately messaged him. I have a feeling he lives far away for more reasons than just work.

Congratulations!!!
I’m sorry that the sister left such a thoughtless comment about the engagement. My best advice is to just ignore that comment and enjoy your happiness with your partner. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Your right he and you don’t not need their opinion or approval, maybe reply back with yes your brother proposed on so so date… cant wait to meet you… lol … go on Xmas and meet the family give them a chance to meet you etc and if they still don’t want to know then you know where u stand and don’t have to entertain it after that

Is proposing to recent GFS his thing? His sister may know he has a track record and is like really dude?! Maybe she’s one of those over protective sister’s, he can’t marry until she approves… Are they normally close? Talk often? If so maybe it’s shock he didn’t say anything or maybe she advised he wait until the family meets you?

None the less you don’t always have to marry their family you guys don’t have to like eachother but it will make things complicated in the future. Best thing is to talk to your now fiance about her and what he thinks she meant by it. Just say I don’t wanna argue I just would like clarification on her statement.

Go to Christmas and be yourself! If they don’t like you that’s ok… not everyone you meet you like so why does everyone have to like you? I don’t really like my brother in law but we live with him! (He’s slightly delayed) and I dislike him because he thinks he’s always right even when proven wrong… But I smile and make it work for my husband and our children… try to smile past the discomfort… Good luck

I would have said the same thing to my brother/sister :person_facepalming::joy:

My family would be pretty upset too if I had ever announced an engagement to someone they had never met. It probably has nothing to do with you and more to do with the fact that they’re finding out on social media that he intends to marry someone his whole family has yet to meet.

To me those are red flags. 9 months together, you’ve never met his family, you’re already engaged, and he couldn’t even pick up the phone to call and tell them himself before blasting it on the internet. Not a sign of someone I’d want to be with at all and I could understand why his sister is upset.

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You’ll be OK she’ll get over it just breath…typical reaction from an opposite family member so just ignore her and drowned her in kindness no matter how rude she acts. 9 months is a short time to really get to know someone before you marry, however, Some marriages have lasted longer this way than those who’ve been together for years so just let them be shocked and be loveable when they meet you😉

I would be upset if my brothers proposed to a lady I never meet. Even more upset that I found out online and not by a call. Or maybe she wasn’t upset and just shocked that he proposed to someone family hasnt meet and in such a short period of time. As a sister I would understand this and hope that once she meet me she would be more accepting.

It’s hard to know tone, maybe she was just shocked and joking? Either way, do not marry this man until you get a good glimpse at his family. They can make your life hell if they want to.

You smile and have a great time if you can this isn’t their business doesn’t matter if they’ve met you or not you’re gonna marry him not them don’t stress it’s NOT HER BUSINESS

You been together 9 months that’s too early for him to be proposing to you you haven’t even figured each other’s life out or really got to know each other well enough

If it were me. I would just not talk to her or all of them depending on the circumstances until I absolutely had to. When I would have to, I would just be nice because being hostile obviously won’t help the situation. I know this is hurtful but I have learned that family may not always approve of our choices and we’re going to have to learn to live with that in peace. It’s unfortunate but don’t let her get to you. Let her be bitter by herself. It’s honestly her problem (like one sided) since she hasn’t even met you yet. Just focus on your relationship and enjoy each other.

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Your ask realize that he may not have a close relationship with his family? Not all families are close, plus it says they live far away from his family, seems like he doesn’t see them often and probably because of his job.

Could be any number of things.
Maybe his financial situation.
The fact that if he marries someone far away from them he’ll never move home.
Maybe she thinks it’s too soon.
Or he’s told them negative things about you if you’ve fought.
Maybe she didn’t like the ring.
Maybe she’s just a bitch. :joy:
It’s hard to say. I would probably reach out to her and try to form some type of connection so it’s not weird at Christmas. See if she’s polite and welcoming and go from there. In the end you’re marrying him, not his family, but 9/10 times they’ll be playing a role in your life so hopefully you can all get along.

Live your own life for yourself, Never for anyone else.

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I wouldn’t stress it. I would probably have given the same response if my brother got engaged to a woman none of us knew

Maybe the ring has a history?

Sounds like my mother in law when I started dating her son, she commented on a picture we took & said somewhere around the lines of I guess you don’t have family that cares for you just BS 1st red flag, then when I changed our relationship status to married she had the audacity to comment that we weren’t married & to see a marriage license. 2nd red flag of someone who is would be toxic & glad lightning out relationship. This was all said before I even met this woman. I should of left then. Lol . For me these still water under the bridge as far as I know. I always judge people on what & how they show me they are at first impression & honestly she has not done anything to gain or even make me trust her at all. So girl . I think his sister will be a toxic person in your relationship.

Just go meet them at Christmas and be nice and treat them the way you wanna be treated . Maybe they know something you don’t know .

If my brother doesn’t tell me before he post on fb
Ima be rude too

Siblings have a way of saying things out loud when they should’ve left it as a thought. It’s been nine months and he’s marrying a girl the family has never met. I know it hurts but it’s not about you personally.

Make sure u flash ur ring at Christmas so EVERYONE can see it…the end!!!

Ignore her, people can be OTT on Facebook… She doesn’t know you so don’t take anything she has to say to heart.

Girl, don’t take it personally my husband and I were engaged at six weeks and married at six months :joy: here we are 8 years later still thriving. NO ONE liked that we were engaged or that we got married but they see how happy we are. We had people openly mock us. But in the end we are still in love and happier than ever.

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He chose you. People can’t choose their family

Talk to her and try to find out what the problem is.

You don’t need her approval anyway. I don’t think it was meant to be negative toward you personally especially since she doesn’t know you. Just try to put yourself in her shoes. I’d let it go

Jess Dotson this sounds like me :rofl:

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I don’t find anything rude about her comment :woman_shrugging:t4:. It’s a sister surprised about her brother getting married. I get y’all haven’t met yet but I’m curious though if they even knew about you….that would certainly make the Christmas dinner awkward

First off no matter how she meant it it was inappropriate. Either correct her about it now or your establishing that her childish mentality will be accepted. If he wants to call of the engagement because of her comment or for you correcting her you’re better off anyways.

I don’t think she has anything agains you. She could be upset with him for proposing before they met you which I think is fair. I’d want to at least meat the girl my brother wanted to marry before he proposed

She could have not put that comment on fb and talked to him directly, but I get her being a little shocked her brother is engaged and never met the woman. Her comment is cringy, but try to stay open minded in meeting the family and give them a chance and hopefully they’ll return the same graciousness