My four year old is extremely rude, what can I do?

My child is 4 and has been the same since she was 2 but of course has got worse, her behaviour, her attitude, the way she speaks to people, the way she speaks to me! She can have her friends over and after about half an hour she’ll start being horrible with them! She also doesn’t stop all day she’s constant from the minute she wakes! Yes this is what kids do, but she just doesn’t listen to anything or anyone! I’ve spoken to the health visitors over the last 2 years about her behaviour and they’ve just said it’s her “age” but she’s very very older headed she doesn’t act 4 at all!! She also use to try and hurt me in anyway she could, now she just try’s to attack me if I say no ect! We went through a phase of her lying about stupid stuff, she sometimes still does this! I’ve tried everything possible I can with her, but she just isn’t interested and now getting to the point where if I tell her of for doing something she shouldn’t she’ll just shout “I hate you” “guess what I don’t like you” “I don’t love you” “her brother likes her better and not you” she’ll also call people “fat” (if they are) call them weirdos, ask why there wearing certain clothing and she isn’t🤦🏻‍♀️ what can I do? She doesn’t hear anything like this in my home ect so I don’t understand!
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Don’t look for the answer on the Facebook post of this, people are mean on there. Spanking an already angry and aggressive child is most likely going to make things worse. She could absolutely be learning this from daycare if she goes or she’s being bullied and more she’s bullying you to feel a sense of control. Look into play therapy if you can afford it. Don’t blame yourself, you’re doing the best you can with the information you have.

Sounds like you need to implement parenting classes, family therapy and monitor everything she hears and sees. Children don’t develop this behavior on their own, they repeat what they hear and see from others as much as we wish they didn’t:/ if I were you I would look into respectful parenting, and spending more time bonding with her, doing fun and relaxing activities. Shows like Daniel tiger and bluey really helped me and my toddler deal with our emotions in a healthy way. Watch it, watch the parents on those shows and how they react to situations and help their children cope.

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She’s only doing all that because you allow her. It’s time to start disciplining her and giving her corner time, privileged taken away and watch who she is around or watching on tv because this is a learned behavior. Lead by example and don’t give her the attention she is seeking.

You might be dealing with a very serious mental disorder, she could be a sociopath, she might never get better, I would do whatever I can so she doesn’t hurt anyone, she’s not a normal child for sure… I’m so sorry you have to go through this, just try and do what’s best for you and your child, but try to get her diagnosed, this behavior has nothing to do with age

[First off… I’d like to say that I’m not a trained child Psych or anything. This is my opinion and advice and I’m only going off of what was stated. I do not personally know your parenting or your daughter so there very well may be a behavioral issue, mental health issue ect. ]

Please try Gentle Parenting…I want to tell you something important as hell I’ve learned through this method. When your daughter is misbehaving, do you immediately react? If you do, which is totally normal, DONT. You whether you realiize it or not could be teaching her that the only Way to get attention, undivided attention or to feel heard or to feel whoever she feels is to act up. So, she’s going to continue to make those choices because she knows you will react to her and give her the attention she’s seeking… This is what I’ve learned with my children… I know every child is different.

Anyways… So I know I’m bout to get alotta heat for this but dude… Gentle Parenting actually helps and works. It allows your child to feel they are being heard, respected and valued and their own person as well help them understand responsibility and boundaries.

I would suggest getting down on her level… to make her feel safe and ask her if there is something that she needs or wants that she doesn’t feel she has. Behavior is always associated with a need unmet.

It’s just as when she was a newborn. She would cry because a need was unmet and that was her way to communicate her emotions to you. You had to check her diaper, feed her, put warmer clothes on, etc.

So I encourage you to get on her level and talk to her… try to avoid the WHY questions with kids 5 and under. Try AVOIDING the YOU statements… “If YOU would listen” etc.

I really hope this helps and much support to you… parenting ain’t fucking easy by any means!! Your doing wonderful, don’t forget you made a human & that is beautiful in itself & makes you AMAZING. :sunflower:
There is no instruction manual… different parenting methods work for different children. I choose Gentle but every child is different. REGARDLESS… whatever parenting method you choose just try to remember behavior is repeated because there is some emotion they haven’t learned to express with words quite yet and so they are acting out to show you they need or want something from you, yes YOU because they LOVE you. :green_heart:

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My four year old is extremely rude, what can I do?

She’s a damn four year old. Chill out and first of all stop letting her offend you. She was just a baby a couple of years ago and she’s YOUR child. So maybe try changing the behaviors you exhibit in front of her because she clearly learned it from somewhere. Children are sponges that absorb any and everything in their environment.

“Older headed” you sound like a bad joke.

Have her come spend the day with my 4 year old spawn of Satan…

I took my son to the police station an let them have a one on one talk with him. An showed him what happens when they don’t listen an such he straightened right up when he found out they can go to “kid jail” for not being good

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It’s just her age? I don’t think so, you’ve got a problem on your hands you need to start punishing her, this is NOT HOW 4 year old act unless im Sorry to say " are LIL brats" that get away with it, I have 3 children, 2 grandchildren, neices, nephews and so on and they never acted like that. You really need to put her in her place before she’s a teenager and really does some damage

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Um…concious discipline? Stop letting a 4 year old run your life. Take away toys, tablets, make her sit at home in her room for a few days

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Girl. I can’t say here what I would do. But I’m sure most of you won’t agree with me.

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She’s hearing it somewhere. If you’re allowing her unsupervised screen time, or she goes to a daycare, she’s hearing it. A 4 year old doesn’t come up with these things on their own

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Therapy.
Immediately.
Ask about putting her on karate or something similar.
And why are her friends allowed over if she can’t behave?
Decide what punishments will work and use them. Consistently.
The only way she’ll start to learn is if she has consequences that hurt.
She’s getting it from somewhere. Internet, school, family, etc. Find out and stop it.
Her ability to have internet access should be stopped. Like, yesterday. She is 4. Act accordingly.

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Find a therapist/counselor that does PCIT training. I just went through this with my child and I’m telling you, life changing.

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Shit sis. You better nip this in the bud. Take her to counseling, but you may just need to be firm. Like, FIRM. Some kids are just testy like this

Discipline that child that’s what you need to do 🤦 and seek therapy for yourself and the kid

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My youngest was the same way and still has his day. I use to film how he was acting during that time and show him later and talk about it with him about why it’s not okay. We always have a time out chair. I’ve also told him how his behave is could get him out in jail one day because police don’t allow people to act like that in public. My boys even help me watch my mouth now by calling any kind of bad word a “criminal word” and the police will get me if I don’t behave. You have to show there are consequences for their actions and not listening. Some days it just doesn’t work but it’s gotten a lot better

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Discipline is what that girl needs…4 and she runs you…wait til she’s 13!

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Haaaaaaaaave you tried punishment?

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Be consistent with your standards of conduct and consequences. That is the only way.

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Consistent discipline! Rewards/appraisal for the times she is behaving.

Also, sadly she is seeing this behavior way too much and she’s most likely thinking it’s “ok” or thinks it’s how things are supposed to be.

My oldest daughter is almost 11 and had some stages of bad attitudes(still does but not so extreme) and finally she told me she acts certain ways because she’ll see me talking to my husband when we argue or whoever that way. So I personally realized the way I talk is also not OK and changed my behavior when in front of the kids as much as I can, and that has definitely helped! And also explained that I am an adult and don’t always make the right decisions, but that doesn’t mean that it’s OK for her to do the exact same things

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3 guesses and the first 2 dont count…

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It is not just her age. When she talks rude, don’t listen. Feed her breakfast, lunch and dinner. Make what you want. Don’t have her friends come over. That kind of behavior is completely unacceptable in my home. I put vanilla on my daughters tongue when she talks rude or lies. If you are going to talk gross, you get gross. It will not hurt them as it is a spice or whatever. Also don’t talk rude back because then she thinks it’s ok.

Discipline her. Like someone said in a comment above, you didn’t mention if there are any consequences for her behavior or not. Put her in time out. If she doesn’t stay, put her back for a longer amount of time. Take away her screen time and her play dates with friends. You’re the adult, don’t be afraid to spank her on her behind if it is absolutely necessary. If she is already doing this when she’s 4, imagine how much worse it’ll be once she’s older.

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Sorry but in my day you got your ass whooped!

Have you talked to a psychiatrist? Maybe she’s neurodivergent of some sort. Maybe there’s an environmental factor you’re not seeing. Either way it’s definitely time to consult professionals. I’ve seen my friends neurodivergent kids act this way, and with professional help, patience, effort, and time they all improved.

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I hope the minute she starts with her friends they are sent home. She has to value something, figure out what it is and take it away.

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Because you allow it🤷🏽‍♀️

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My almost 4 year old daughter, my middle child, is very similar. I honestly think my child has inattentive ADHD. She’s a sweet kid but she can’t focus on anything. It’s like talking to a wall most of the time. I think that’s why she acts out, it’s hard for her to completely understand what’s going on because she literally just can’t focus. :woman_shrugging:t2: If you can keep her engaged and excited about something she’s fantastic but man is it hard to do lol good luck

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Parents are the authority figure, you have to step up and play that part if you expect a behaved child. I had to learn that with my first and she will be 38 Sunday and it was embarrassing when a Dr. told me my child had a behavior problem.

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My 4 year old autistic son is doing half of this .he also has adhd . Im at my wits end . Lit never listens tells me he doesnt like me . Etc . And i do discipline him . He has things taken away , he has time outs , he goes to bed early when hes been naughty . He diesnt get treats etc. No park time either . But nothing works he just doesnt care . Docs say they think it might be because of domestic violence. Which i didnt get out of for over 3 years… then they said bring him back in 6 months and theyll see what hes like then … i know how frustrating it is hun . All we do is try our best . I hope it gets easier soon:) :blue_heart::blue_heart:

This sounds like PANDAS.

Monitor what’s she’s watching…I once caught me niece (around age 4-5) on YouTube watching what looked like normal cartoons, but it was edited!!! Peppa pig was cursing and saying some weird things. I immediately told my sister, and she monitors her much closer now. Kids have to hear these words/expressions from SOMEWHERE OR SOMEONE. Next, I’d say therapy and discipline (not spanking, I do not believe in physical “discipline”, to me that’s child abuse) just some very strict rules and consequences. It will take time, but I’m sure with time you’ll have a good turn around mom…hang in there :two_hearts:

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  1. She has to be hearing it from somewhere and she also knows when and how to use it. Could be screens.
  2. I have a four year old and yes they are a lot in terms of energy but nothing like what you described. In fact at this age they are not hateful. They hug and kiss and still want to be coddled. They are people pleasers. Something is really up with your kid. It’s a discipline issue, attention seeking or something deeper. You need professional help for your solution.
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Bust that butt!! Probably only take once or twice

Kids will behave the way they are allowed to behave. It’s not her fault it’s your’s… discipline her. Take something away, spank her whatever you got to do but get a handle on it because it’s not magically going to get better…

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Take things away from her as punishment…try the corner…discipline that girl because if shes like that at 4 ur gonna have a continuous long run wity her & itll just gey worse when she becomes a teenager…nip it in the bud now

Spank there butt and make them stand in the corner.

Hey mama. No judgment here, I know how hard this is. My son used to do the same things. I mean… he was downright evil. Seriously. At five years old. I taught him so much better than that and it literally broke my heart and made me feel like I was doing something wrong, or I must have done something wrong for him to say those things to me. I immediately cut off YouTube and YouTube Kids. He has a children’s tablet he’s allowed to play with with age appropriate content. When he started acting that way, as harsh as this might sound to some people, but when your child is hitting you and calling you names, ruining the toys you spend money on, then you can judge me… I went into his room with trash bags. I emptied his room and took everything. He had a bed and a dresser, that’s it. I kept it that way for a week. Every time he acted out he immediately went into timeout and he didn’t come out until he was done and apologized. Whether it was 10 minutes or 3 hours. He has stopped acting out and is even doing amazing in school, which I think might help your little one as well. He still gets frustrated but he knows how to manage himself without having to turn to the negative things. We deep breathe, we “squeeze our lemons” aka our fists, he yells into a pillow. I know when he is about to act out, so when I see that happening, I try to distract him like “hey buddy let’s go outside and water the plants” and it’s done and over. No discipline, no yelling, nothing. These are just things that worked in our house and I hope you can find something that works for you. :heart:

Or give her special attention. Some will get attention, good or bad.

This book and method helped me so much and totally works if you do it exactly as the book describes
1-2-3 Magic: Gentle 3-Step Child & Toddler Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting 1-2-3 Magic: Gentle 3-Step Child & Toddler Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting (An Interactive Guide for Raising Strong-Willed Children): Phelan Ph.D., Thomas: 9781492629887: Amazon.com: Books

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So many people advocating smacking on this group, it’s crazy x

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Because you allow it
Whoop her ass :bangbang::bangbang::bangbang: you’re her mother , discipline starts from home

They say a child has developed All their behaviors BY 5 years old❣️

Each Kid Is different but some things should Not change on YOUR PART•
Correct Her immediately :bangbang:

Put her in a corner

Take away her toy/toys

Send the friend/family Home

Spank on the hinny!

DO All Of the Above

Look @ Her diet!!!
No Sugar/No POP
GMO

Hug Her tightly while U gently talk in her ear~ whisper

PRAY

TAKE HER TO CHURCH~ put the fear of God in Her
Heaven or Hell

Children catch on quickly faster than people give them credit for!!!

4 years old ~ Uve created a Monster
It will take time ~ Uve got another Year

Have her tested for ADHD

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I don’t know the whole name calling thing is learned not all kids walk around calling people fat and calling other people weirdos and stuff like that that is deliberately picked up from somewhere. Anything else sounds completely normal and everybody wants to put ADHD or autism label on kids but honestly this is all something most kids do my daughter’s four she does all of this except calling people fat that’s just something that’s been taught to your child i feel… is there a chance somebody is calling her these names or is she hanging around older kids or adults that might be talking like this or in an setting that’s not appropriate for her age?? Sounds like she hangs around older kids teenage girls?

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You gotta get a handle on her, you’re the parent. Its our job to teach them right from wrong, you have to be assertive and be confident in what you’re telling her.

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If she doesn’t act right why is she having friends over? That’s a privilege-she can earn it.

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There is normal behavior for kids. But some of that she is learning from somewhere. Also start disciplining your child.

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She needs discipline, correct her immediately when you hear her being disrespectful she’ll only continue if you don’t stop it now. If she can’t play nicely with her friends then no more friends. Timeout no rewards old fashion popped on the bottom find the way that works best.

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Have her tested for ADHD. They probably won’t do anything until she is in kindergarten but at least you can start the process and have a plan in place.

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So who she learn it from ?

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you wouldn’t even want to know how that was handled back in the day, but it definitely got our attention.

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Sounds like ODD. Oppositional defiant disorder.

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People saying this is “normal behavior” for toddlers? Ummmm… No the F it is not. 🤦

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We would have what I call a “Coming to Jesus” in my house…

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Clearly she said that she disciplines her child it does not work. Hence for the reason why she’s asking for help quit judging her and telling her to discipline her child when she does and actually show some insight on how to help her with her child.

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The behavior is coming from a need that’s not being met. Does she need more attention, more stimulation, anything like that? Once you get to the root of the problem, then you can begin changing the behavior and meeting it with appropriate responses. Adults sometimes can’t even regulate their emotions so expecting a child to when they haven’t been taught is setting everybody up for disaster. Discipline doesn’t have to be negative or loud or scary but getting to the root of the problem is the best place to start.

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When she is acting out ignore her and keep putting her back in time out. If she sees she is getting on your nerves she will keep doing it. Or just start acting like her, she will probably think you lost your mind but it will get her attention

She’s hearing it somewhere… does she have access to youtube? What’s she watching online?
Remember your the adult. Discipline her, if you don’t stop her now you’ll have one hell of a time with her as a teenager! I’ve five girls… routine and strict discipline is key!

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Is it normal for kids to push boundaries…of course it is. But unacceptable behaviour must be firmly stamped on immediately it occurs.
Old fashioned cure was a short sharp shock…good smack to the bottom …now I guess its time out and remove toys/gadgets
Watch the diet…sugar can cause all sorts of behaviour problems. First time my son had smarties he was literally bouncing off the walls.
I wouldnt be quick to label any child till diet had been checked and good consistent parenting had been tried first.

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I enrolled mine in jiu-jitsu, getting your butt handed to you by a stranger helps

Spare the rod spoil the child

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This IS NOT normal behavior, your child needs some sort of discipline. If she’s as bad as you say she is then you need to step up your game. . She shouldn’t be able to have friends over if she’s acting out, pop her on the butt, put her in time out, let her know you’re the boss she’s the child and you are the one who makes rules not her. And when when is mean and disrespectful towards others pop her in the mouth, idc what anyone says, if we did this crap as kids our parents would put the fear of God into us. . You are her parent not her friend.

Ummm she’s 4 and your letting a 4 yr old run you better get that under control

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You need to correct her don’t shame her just simply " no ma’am we don’t call others names" my son is ADHD maybe have her checked she was at evaluation age at 3 years old hun. We just got my son’s done in June so he could start school this year.
Now that he’s been in school pre k he comes home listens better don’t attack me nor slam doors.
Correct others on words in front of him as well rather it be dad grandma, grandpa I tell them hey he’s a sponge let’s not please.

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My daughter when she was little I don’t know how she made it to 13 or how I made it she was a nightmare not a big enough word I am telling u she was so back I try everything and nothing worked and then my other had it cos she bit my other daughter face just under her eye and it was bleeding as I was sorting little one out he got her and put her in bed and close the door and believe it or not her not seeing what everyone was doing really upset her and that was the only thing that worked now she 13 it’s her phone and not allow out gets to her big time xxxxx

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Girl would get a butt whooping at my house… she’s seen somebody be treated like this… or talked to like that.

I have had a 4 year old, a year ago and it was really the awesome foursome stage. Growing, learning and developing and listening. Yes he was a little scamp and still is but if I think back I can only remember his loving and gentle ways. Hate is a strong word…and the negative energy you explain needs a gentle loving approach by a clinical psychologist. Good luck mum.

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If she ain’t paying the bills she can’t speak to me like that

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Put a bar of soap in that mouth. Carry the soap with you and let her see you have it.

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Kids say and do things BECAUSE PARENTS ALLOW IT. Stop allowing her. If you refuse to pop her in the mouth then try the snowflake way and ignore her when she talks to you. (Talking is never the answer but whatever) when she wants something and she’s rude. Don’t get it for her.

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She is learning this behavior from something–Youtube, seeing you interact with Dad/boyfriend, etc. She learned over time that this behavior has no consequence, so she continues to engage in these behaviors. Consistent and appropriate consequences for her actions should help her to transform her behavior into that of a more appropriate 4 year old.

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Discipline saying nasty disrespectful thing is testing the waters of what you will put up with. Make her say she is sorry to whomever she was rude, explain we don’t treat others badly. If she refuses make consequences until she complied. No tv in corner no toys. Or if it’s a sibling hug and say I’m sorry. Stay consistent with punishment and you will conquer and teach her manners. Made to say please and thank you. If she’s at daycare make sure they are requiring respect too

A nice old fashion beaten or take every thing away

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Pull them pants down and put her over your knee and tear that little butt up

This is clearly not a 4 year old behavior. You must look at her surroundings even when at babysitter or something. Try new forms of positive reinforcement. I believed in spanking as controversial as it is. Not child abuse but spanking with an explanation. My kids now suffer from something called respect. They don’t dare. It starts with the older children as an example and when they are very young. Consistency. Even those days where you are too tired to even breathe. You still have time to correct that behavior. If all this isn’t working still. Get a therapist.

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I truly wish I could give a better advice but I can’t. I was raised the old fashioned way and I don’t tolerate disrespectful kids. She’s a child and you’re the parent. Parent her.

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If she has access to any type of smartphone or computer or tablet or anything like that since she does not hear these things at home then that might be where she is getting it. If she is mean to “friends” then try letting it go to where she cannot see them and also take away any device that she watches and reiterate that the behavior is ugly and stand firm. Tell her that it hurts peoples feelings and that she does not want her feelings hurt that she should not be hurting others. Stand firm and do not give in.

Have her evaluated with a doctor.

Have you tried parenting and discipline?

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You better get help…before its to late…sounds like she needs therapy…

My youngest son was and still is like this and he is 26. He was tested for ADD, but that isn’t it. I should have had him tested for Autism and/or a personality disorder. He would not hurt a fly, but he has no filter and that is detrimental when he goes and tries to get jobs. He used to be very anti-social, but he has gotten much better as he gets older. Discipline never worked on him, so that isn’t always the answer. Have her evaluated.

What has really worked for me is gentile parenting. My son was/is exactly like yours, to a T. Obviously I was upset when he pushed boundaries, obviously anger and anger doesn’t mix. Don’t yell at her, don’t say ignorant shit either. I calmly tell him that’s not alright, and what his form of punishment is, and it has worked tremendously. He’s like a different kid now. Google gentile parenting and see what you can come up with. He’s pretty great for me now. Obviously he still has emotions and that’s fine, he’s allowed, but saying the rude things and hitting isnt tolerated and it seriously changed his world.

You are the parent and you are allowing your 4 year old child to not only disrespect you but disrespect others. She does what you allow her to do. Spanking isn’t abuse although many think it is😂 but it’s not. But the best advice I can give you is be consistent! U can’t discipline here and there and think it’s gonna work you have to be consistent everytime. Get her evaluated by a Behavorial dr as well but two of my kids have adhd and they still know better then to ever disrespect others. My 6 yr old is an absolute maniac he never runs out of energy but he knows how to listen when he’s told to do or not to do something.

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Lawd Jesus I had to take a moment after reading this. She needs to be evaluated she could be ADHD. Definitely watch her surroundings of those she be with and also kill the internet access BUT…OH YES THERE’S A BUT…BEAT DAT ASS! Even tho you’re the adult and you’re trying to understand the WHYS of her behavior sometimes you have to come down to her level meaning when she cuts up and wants to embarrass you…embarrass her in return. For example: when she has company which needs to be cut off until she can do better but anyways when she starts to become sassy in front of her company discipline her in front of her friends and then send the friends home & her to her room. Back in the days when kids mouths would overload their asses momma/big momma would smack their mouths. I’m not saying beat your child but some of the old skool discipline is needed for this new breed of kids today. You have to take control and make her understand WHO is the parent & Who’s the child, she needs to learn her position & respect of you & others. Communicate with her and try to find out WHY she feels the need to behave the way she does. Don’t let up on her cause you’re already losing control of her & the situations and if not controlled her future will be hindered. Praying for you

Remove everything fun. Shes not allowed to have friends over. No perks, no treats, no toys, no TVs. And probably most of all, no sugar. Shell get bored and realize that her attitude wont get her anything. And stand your ground!! Dont do something and then relent. She says nasty things, act like shes not even in the room. If you hold steadfast shell learn.

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Wooden spoons and leather belts work …

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All the comments suggesting abuse. Its a fucking shame.

Get that baby into a professional. Now.

Take her to a behavioral specialist outside your home.

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A good ass whooping does wonders. There is a line between punishment and abuse. I am a firm believer in spankings. They helped me when I was young, although I didn’t necessarily understand that at the time.

Try busting her butt talking to one or time out isn’t going to get control of her be the parent you should be and get control now before it’s to late and spankings don’t kill a kid if you do it right

Does she watch YouTube?? I noticed my son was acting like this. Stopped the videos and his behavior drastically improved

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I’m sure I’ll get shit for this :joy: but smack that bootie!!

My daughter acted like this and she was diagnosed with ADHD. She is on meds now and mich better

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She’s mimicking you…

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Have you tried a belt, spoon, flip flop??? A good old fashioned ass whooping! Some people will disagree but if you tolerate it now 10 years down the road you will be a grandmother or paying a attorney to deal with her trouble…

I don’t even know what to say about this. I have a 4 year old, and 14 yr old. While sometimes kids are just rude unintentionally, I tend to think that behavior like that is learned behavior. And they learn it from their parents