Please watch supernanny on youtube you can get some helpful tips on how to discipline or handle rude behaviour of a child.
My son has the same issues. Heâs 8 now. And had the problems at 2 or 3 as he got 4 to 5 he gotten worse. He has ADD anger problems, anxiety, depression. You may want to get her tested. So I know exactly what you mean. You spank him he gets worse screams and everything. Nothing for him works.
Donât acknowledge the behaviour. If she wants something tell her she canât have it until she asks properly. If she acts out just walk away. If sheâs Ruiz to someone just say in front of her, sorry but sheâs a rude person. Donât tell her, but the person she said it to. Sheâs looking for a reaction and sheâs getting it. Ignore bad behaviour and reward good
My daughter had no filter and often said inappropriate thing to people when she was little. I would get so embarrassed. Sheâs 30 now and is a childrenâs therapist, will graduate this December with her masters degree. Her personality helped her not fall to peer pressure, kept her spirit healthy, etc. I would encourage her to be outspoken but kind. She will grow out of it in time. I sure thought my daughter would grow up to be an outlaw, lol
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No, this isnât just what kids do. Most children by this age have learned how to behave around their peers and others. I would maybe have her seen by her pediatrician. Something could seriously be bothering her causing her to act out like this. Maybe have her referred to a childrenâs therapist?
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She needs discipline and you need to put your foot down before it gets worse. There are people in this world who will not take her crap.
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Repetition with behaviors that should have started when she was a baby. My 2 year will say yes maâam to me along with all the other southern manors such as thank you and excuse me. I always said to him what I expect in return. As for being mean you need consistent discipline. Doesnât have to be spanking if you donât believe in it. Do time out. Take away all toys and make her earn them back. No screen time. These were things I did with my now teenagers. My children are the most well behaved kids you will meet. You better start now or your gonna definitely have your hands full.
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Iâd put my foot in her ass, then see about seeing a behavioral therapist
Youâd be surprised how well it works on badass kids.
You be her parent and discipline her!
I would seek help from a behavior or developmental specialist. A lot of what I just read is screaming that this child may have a neurological difference. It could be any number of things, but definitely not ânormalâ 4 year old behavior.
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This is learned behaviorâŚ. Fix yourself before you blame the 4 year old. Some is her age but the things she says and the way she treats people is LEARNED behavior.
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She needs a big fat lesson on bullying. I would suggest looking up some YouTube videos about kindness and bullying, that itâs ok for people to be different, etc.
I wouldnât be allowing her to have friends over, do anything fun, have anything fun. No screentime. If you allow her to disrespect you with no consequences, sheâs going to keep doing it. Testing boundaries is a normal behavior at that age but the rest of it is absolutely not. I have a little boy who is 4 and he has NEVER told me or his dad that he hated us. He has never been mean to another kid in front of me, at daycare, at a relatives house, or so far in preschool. They commented that he was kind, helpful and very polite. But I do NOT tolerate disrespect in my house. I may give him a tap on the hand or butt every once in awhile but his discipline comes from taking things and privileges away. Like Iâll tell my son to throw his garbage away and if he tells me no, or crosses his arms and stomps or growls at me, he may lose his screentime for awhile. Or his favorite snack. Or he has to sit on the couch for a little while. Like I said, sheâs gonna push boundaries but make sure you push back or she is going to walk all over you. This is coming from someone who has a child your age. Itâs not normal behavior for her to be mean like that. I would start with the discipline suggestions at home, and maybe she needs to see a child behavioral specialist.
Bottom line: Iâd be taking her to get professional help, not turning to Facebook, for answers. Nobody on Facebook can help you with thisđ
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Little Miss sassy needs a spanking she sounds very disrespectful.
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I donât understand how parents allowed kids to be disrespectful especially at this age⌠I have 2 kids and work with kids for the past 10 years nowđ¤ŚâŚmy 10 year old just came home from school as heâs telling me about his day he said BRO! Iâm so tired. I was like excuses me and look at him very Stern. He was like sorry mom! Thatâs how I talk to my friend. I said itâs okay honey, but Iets stick to mom Lol!
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Please for the love of God donât listen to the IDIOTS who suggested beating your FOUR year old with a belt! I feel so bad for how some people were raised.
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Where did she learn this behavior was ok??
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Sit her down explain to her that her behaviour hurts ect not when she is angry of course
when she is calm explain what she is doing is nasty and she needs to consider feelings then let her see some footage of her behaviour or other people on you tube ect every time she says nasty things explain ,explain and explain even if you are tired
If all else fails a behaviour specialist
Yâall raise your children with the expectation that they have an adult mind and maturity without you having to do anything and honestly itâs gonna fuck them up. Also donât beat your kids 
This is learned behavior.
But also, youâre letting a 4 year old control YOU. You allow it to continue.
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I have a really difficult time with my 5 year old and I can just tell you itâs gotten so much better with age. They need SOOO much stimulation and attention, itâs almost impossible to keep up on if they are home with you all day.
I would just try to look up some activities, extra curricular groups, and then some higher level of counseling like with a psychiatrist. You got this mama! Hang in there, I promise you it gets better!
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Thereâs this crazy thing my mom did to me when I was younger and would act out called beating my ass and it seemed to straighten my ass out in a hurry
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She has to be hearing it somewhere⌠Iâd start with no screens⌠Then I would put her in the corner facing the wall⌠She will start acting differently⌠At first itâs hard to listen to her scream Iâm sure, but if youâre consistent she will realize sheâs going in the corner when she acts up
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Bust her butt and stick her nose in the corner for 5 minutes. Then make her apologize for whatever sheâs done and let her know that she will be right back in the corner, not playing with anything if she behaves that way again. Then stick to it! If she leaves the corner and goes right back to doing whatever it was she just got in trouble for then stick her right back in the corner for another 5 minutes. Even if it is infront of all the other kids. She may get embarrassed enough to not act like that anymore.
Youâre the parent. Youâre allowing this behaviour, it is learned from somewhere and youâre letting it continue.
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Behavioral therapy, the sooner the better.
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First offense Talk to them about it. Second offense is a time out length of their age. After the time out talk about it, hug and let them know you love them. Third is a good smack upside the head.
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I see a lot of recommendations for spanking ⌠it doesnât work. Really doesnât. I know a lot of people felt they were kept in check by getting hit but itâs likely they just learned to control and hold their disrespect at home and took it out elsewhere. The goal is a whole attitude change, not just fear based at home.
Truth is kids like that are hard headed, they need to learn cause and effect.
Take everything. Have her earn it back one by one. Sheâll throw a massive fit now but be patient, itâs a HUGE change! So big. But after the dust settles she start learning if she wants extra, she needs to have effort in her behavior.
Donât put it off, once school starts it just gets harder.
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I see children like this every single day, trying to run their home. Problem is, when they are at school with us, oh they are angels. Why, cause we talk firm, and let them know we are not taking their mess. We also give consequences for their behavior. NO sir, we do not play games. As Sachai Horton said, you better get her together and quick. Cause in the real world ppl will not take her mess. Kids know exactly who to try.
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Maybe take away the one thing she treasures the most??
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Sounds to me like she has actually heard some of this type of stuff somewhereâŚtv shows? People at home, etc?
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Time out works grate
Should of taught her manners at 2 instead of thinking it was cute.
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Wooooonder where sheâs learning this behavior?!
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Spank her ass period. You allow it she will do it.
Do you watch adult shows with her? I mean the not kid-friendly shows.
The movie Luca on disney said, âwhatâs wrong with you stupid?â And my 3yo caught it. It didnât last though. She also doesnât know what it means.
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At 4 years old, they need to be disciplined. She learned this behavior from somewhere. My kids are well behaved and do as their told because I was on them since day one when they started trying to rule the house. I never once spanked my kids. All I did was sit down with them and told them what was right from wrong and if they continued to do bad I would take their belongings away until they learned that certain things were bad. Iâm a single mama of 3 babies and I work from home, so I have alot of time to be with my kids and teach them how they need to be. I hope you find the help youâre needing for your child.
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Read up PDA Pathological Demand AvoidanceâŚNot saying its that but a few things you said made me think of thatâŚ
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Is anyone in her life rude the same way she is? My daughter was like this too. I started paying attention to the way i interacted with her and I realized that she was speaking to me the same way I spoke to her. (Donât come for me Iâm still trying to figure out this single mom thing.) once I realized I was the problem I started being more positive in the way I spoke to her. Now she much nicer to me and other people. Our bond has also gotten way stronger.
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Feels! My sons almost 4 and screams over everything, yells, punches and throws things, will say nasty things and be nasty, Iâve tried everything and he either doesnât listen or he laughs but if his at school his quite only sometimes his shown it, I use discipline etc nothing works heâll get back up and do it again ive gone to the gp I got referred to a family care and she basically said itâs because he isnât an only child anymoreâŚ. His behaviour was like it before his sister came along and she always puts the apt off so itâs gone no where, Iâm done and Iâm getting absolutely no help so if you find a way please do share it so I can try it
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Umm⌠sheâs 4, doubt she is going out places, meeting peers. She had to have learned this behavior somewhere. She has been taught that it is acceptable.
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Take away everything she likes until she can act better stop letting friends come over until she acts right
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Definitely not normal, my almost 3 year old has never acted in that way.
She throws tantrums occasionally, but never throws things or tryâs to hurt others.
Are you seeing a paed ? If not then it may be worth seeing one and talking about her behaviour so you can get a referral to the correct professional.
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Sounds like a typical 4 y.o. to me lol
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I swear youâre living my life! This is my fourth child and I swear not a one is like my last! Good luck girl Iâve found nothing that works accept vodka club soda!
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You need to be the parent the child canât be the boss. Nothing more needs saying
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So as a parent you set her straight.She is not the boss you are.Do what you need to do to get her to understand how to speak to people and how to treat people.take toys away.fun activities away.No tv ect.time out and yes tear her little a** up if all else fails.she needs to learn now that how she acts is not acceptable
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Gotta grow a spine mama and handle your business. She goes out there she will get hurt way worse by someone else hands. Sometimes a little unconditional love is needed with that little tushie getting spanked. Theres a big difference between abuse and disciplining!! Know the difference though peopleđ
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Iâm having flashbacks of when I was a kid. My brother was like that. Being mean, throwing things, screaming, he hurt my mom a lot, pinching, hitting. It is not typical 4 yo stuff. Keep looking for a child therapist. My brother was diagnosed in his 30âs as bi polar but his Dr said he was showing when he was youngâŚ2 or 3 because of his behaviors. Look for a counselor that just deals in children. Sadly my brother decided he didnât want to live and took his own life at 42.
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Get her in therapy. It takes time and patience but if you find the right therapist who can connect with your child and who gets your family dynamic you will start progressively seeing the changes. It worked wonders for my struggling older kid although it took a while a few specialists and a lot of love and patience
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A good swat to the rear a few times might check her attitude.
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It sounds like she may be on the spectrum, have you had her tested?
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A good old fashion ass whooping she do the trick.
Sounds like RAD and ODD. Therapy and a psychologist. Hugs!
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Sometimes âgentle parentingâ doesnât work.
My kids know by counting in the mom voice. If I start counting in the mom voice, shit is getting real. But it took some âtrainingâ for them to know that. I would count in the mom voice and when they still didnât listen, they got time outs/rooms emptied completely/extra chores, whatever was fitting for the situation. Now as soon as I count, they know things arenât going to go smoothly for them unless they settle down and do what theyâre being told to do or stop what theyâre being told to stop doing.
How about a hand to the butt your really letting a 4 year old run your house 
i wish my 4 year old will cuss me out straight hand to the mouth bet itâll be her last time not condoning violence or beating children but sometimes they just need one good one to make it stop⌠thats why parents getting beat and mistreated by kids nowadays parents too soft like omg grow a back bone
Put your foot down and be a parent ⌠if my kids didnât respect me and my partner they would stay in there rooms till they do
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She may not hear it in your home but she definitely learned from somewhere that, that behavior was ok. She also heard it from somewhere too. Kids are like sponges they soak up everything even when we donât think their listening. Iâd nip this now before you have a heathen on your hands thatâs not disciplined at all. Which sounds like she really isnât or thereâs no real follow through every time she does said behaviors. Consistency is key with kids
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/my-four-year-old-is-extremely-rude-what-can-i-do/13740
I had the same thing, people kept telling me itâs the âterrible twosâ and told me to ignore it. Ignoring it didnât help, in fact made things worse. Talk to her and explain why itâs not right. Teach her about emotions and controlling them and being kind. Teach her about consequences and cause and effect. Discipline is key to curb behaviour like that. She mustâve heard it from somewhere even TV. Not even going to school yet. Itâs your job as her parent to teach her the right ways. Figure out how she learns best and use it to your advantage. Theres books and youtube vids and toys and games. It wonât be overnight it will be hard at first but itâs worth it to raise someone who is kind.
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Please donât take this the wrong way but I think my advice would be to take her to your gp and get a referral for an assessment for ASD, a child of her age isnât just rude and if she is on the spectrum she needs outside support and you need the tools to have a better understanding of how to deal with these situations Please dont dismiss her behaviour as just her being naughty, children are not born naughty and from what youâve said, it sounds like she struggles to regulate her emotions! and with regards to her brutal honesty she definitely sounds like she may have high functioning autism or aspergers, girls mask it easily so it often goes unnoticed. My son is asd and adhd he is demanding, and constant, he doesnât stop, everything is his way or no way, he doesnât sleep well (although doesnât seem to need it )but he also has severe communication difficulties, a learning disability, and is way behind his peers. Good luck xxx
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I feel you my 4yo boy is pretty similar except he doesnât say this s to people, heâs super polite with others but can be rude and nasty towards family x he says he hates me , doesnât love me and wants to leave the house forever ( bit dramatic if Iâm honest ) they will grow out of it Iâm sure xx
An exorcism by the sounds of it 
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Maybe try some books? Sounds basic bit there are loads of simple books explaining how to use kimd words and kind acts and thing like that xx
Smack the kid, 
My kids get put in their room if they are rude or have everything taken away from them⌠being rude or hurting people on purpose is not ok an maybe she needs to see a doctor? My friends kid was like that an I cant remember what it was called but it was to do with empathy an rational thinking hadnât developed like it was ment to so he just didnât care but it was actually because he truly didnât understand⌠he would hurt their dogs an his younger sibling, put her weighted blanket over her face while she was sleeping while mum was chopping wood an when she came inside she was so shocked an all he had to say was âi told you I didnât want a siblingâ I hope its not the case but thereâs alot of things it could be that we donât even think aboutâŚ
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/my-four-year-old-is-extremely-rude-what-can-i-do/13740
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Definitley tighter boundaries, you are her mum first friend second. Donât be afraid to discipline bad behaviour. She need clear boundaries set and conistancy. If this still doesnât work maybe go down the line of a proper behavioural assessment. Could be ADHD, Autism or any number of behavioural issues or learning disabilities. Good luck momma
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I worked in daycare, did parent training & am a parent myself. Iâm a strong believer in discipline because kids will try to see what they can and can not get away with-itâs important to set boundaries at a young age. Before discipline though I always have options. Say she wanted to do play-doh but it was time for a nap so your plan was to let her watch a movie as she relaxes for nap time. I would give her the choice take a nap with a movie or take a nap without one. She will keep bringing up the plays doh but just stay firm and direct and continue with the other 2 choices⌠if she continues to argue tell her she can pick or you will pick and give her the options again. If she is mean to her friends than they canât come over. The hitting - I would nip that fast. Basically if you hit me Iâm hitting u back - doesnât have to be aggressive or abusive but she is better to learn it from you than become violent because there are no consequences. Let her cry and let her throw a fit - as best as you can. I wouldnât give the attention.
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I would ignore all of the advice here except for go to counselor to get her evaluated. I have a child with ADHD/ODD. People love to blame your parenting, but the reality is that these kids brains are different. All of the punishments, consequences, reward systems in the world will not help a child that physically canât control their impulses. Seek professional help, and please ignore all the mom shamers out there that have no idea what you are going through. Join a group with people that understand and can support you. Good luck! 
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I raised 6 wonderful sons. You MUST pay attention to the crap they can watch on tvâŚincluding stuff youâre watching that she sees. You MUST pay attention to the games you allow her to play. Lots of behavior can be traced to inappropriate tv/games and language in the home. My little niece turned into a brat watching free willy. Yeah. Took that movie out of rotation and her attitude changed. So many snotty children on tv now. Snotty rude children are not cool like the tv portrays them to beâŚand parents that allow their children to watch those types shouldnât be surprised when their child acts snotty and rude.
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I absolutely refused to have rude boys that didnât listen (now they have excellent manners and are complimented often) when needed I would bust their tail and every single time they addressed me it was with manners or they were verbally corrected immediately. You have to be very consistent⌠also take away electronics lotsa bad stuff is learned!
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No thats not what kids do all the time. Sheâs learning it from the people who care for her and are her role models. She lacks structure and discipline.
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Yaâll are rude af. You should never tell anyone that their child is a psycho/sociopath. She came here looking for help and insight, not a bunch of extremely unhelpful comments.
If you are worried about your child, and your discipline is not working, then you should take it up with a professional. It sounds like she needs more structure and role modeling. You have to be quick in addressing an issue or it will continue to get worse. I have 5 kids and they are all different. But if they do something wrong or inappropriate, I address it immediately. Take things away, time out, etc works for some children. I would try those things first. If they donât work, then please speak to her doctor.
And please donât listen to these women who obviously have no empathy or valuable knowledge.
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Children repeat what they hear and act how they see people around them act. (Watch tv shows with ugly behavior). I notice my sonâs outburst are worse when mine are. He sees me upset and yell and thatâs what he does. Children model behavior after their siblings, friends and most of all parents. I try to apologize and explain "its not ok or nice how mommy handled her feeling upset or mad, I should have done (blah blah) instead of screaming. But I notice my son had a considerably worse attitude when I do.
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I know this is highly frowned upon but smack her mouth. Not hard, just enough to shock. When I first moved in with my man his kid hated that it wasnât just him and daddy anymore so he would say hateful things to me. Heâd call me big butt all the time (not untrue but still rude). We had talks with him about how disrespectful it was and it never worked. One day he said it and laughed and I smacked his mouth. Hasnât said it since. I told my man I did it (Iâve told him several times if I cross the line, tell me) and his response was âgood!!â. Weâre not abusive by any means but sometimes they need old fashioned methods to get the point across.
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You said it yourselfâŚyou give in. Be the adult here. You are the parent.
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Remember that these kiddos have been through a pandemic. Mine is going through the same thing.
His deal is anxiety.
I think we as Mamas, need to remember this past yr has been tough on our babies. 
Good luck and much love.
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When you see incorrect behavior, immediately stop it and have her replay the situation using correct behavior. You need to show her how to âact correctlyâ in situations where sheâs not.
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I dont have a degree, but a specific area of interest to me that Iâve studied relentlessly for hundreds upon hundreds of hours, is psychology and mental disorders. It seems like she may have ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). I would talk to her dr and see if she could be evaluated. Putting your foot down doesnât work on this condition. Medication and therapy may be necessary. Best of luck to you momma!
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I see a spanking and a bar if soap if she were my child. Wash her bad mouth out with soap, it wonât do any harm. No reason you canât spank her. Youâre the authority figure but youâve let her have that role. Time for you to stand up and fix it before it gets worse.
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No offense but your child could be a psychopath
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My first question is: where is she hearing and witnessing this from? Because they have to learn it somewhereâŚ
my second question is : what disciplinary avenues have you utilized to ensure she is behaving safely and is learning what respect boundaries and acceptable behaviour is ???
Have you used time out (age appropriate to equal time- time out doesnât start until ranting and raving/crying stops) use a timer.
When bad and inappropriate words are used, what do you do to correct?
Is she being held accountable for her actions like speaking rudely or being un co operative with family friends and their children⌠kids can be taught - thatâs what parents jobs are⌠keep her off devices- itâs true how behaviours changes because of devices.
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a good ole fashion ass whooping. parents have grown soft since i was young. we NEVER talked back, or disrespected anyone, because we knew the consequenses.
and donât come in the comments talking about thatâs abuse. it is NOT. itâs called discipline. and thatâs why kids act out now a days because itâs so frowned upon by this generation. they want you to âexplain to the child why itâs not okay.â but 98% of the time they arenât listening and donât care what youâre saying. i promise you, you start whooping some butt they will listen. my child gets 3 verbal warning, and then a spanking. iâm a grown adult, and i wonât be talked back to, ignored, or disrespected by a CHILD.
but it really seems like she needs to be evaluated for other things.
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Does she go to school? Thats where my daughter picked it up and her older cousins 
its gotten a lot better since sheâs stopped being around them.
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Everytime my child tells me he doesnât like me or Iâm a mean mommy. I simply remind him itâs my job to be his mother, not his friend âŚwe may not always like each other but I will always LOVE him. Then I proceed to tell him that I donât like his behavior and fresh mouth becauseit is disrespectfulâŚhe is welcome his emotions and I respect them but he can express them in his room, when he is ready and calm he can come out and we can talk. Sounds like youâve got a strong willed one on your hands their mama and possibly something a bit more. The best thing my little guys therapist said to me was âA mother that questions whether or not she is doing this right, is indeed a good mother. Bad parents donât care if they are bad parents, but a good oneâŚthe worries never stopâ
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You have three choicesâŚcontinue to do nothingâŚstart disciplining and please get that child professional help. I had two boys and I have 5 grandchildren and yes kids will test you but youâve let it go way beyond. If you donât get her and you help NOW your going to deeply regret it. Trouble a head! Good Luck!
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She needs a mental health evaluation! Sounds like OPDâŚshe may need to see a psychiatrist sooner than later ! Good luck , you got this because remember youâre in charge !!! Sheâs still the child .
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Iâm sorry for all of the previous posts about learned behaviors, mirroring the parent, no discipline blah blah blah. I raised my daughter with love and rules and expectations but since she was about 2 she has turned mentally manipulative with me, sheâs extremely intelligent testing very high and sheâs a mess. Sheâs mean and aggressive towards her sisters, pulled a knife on a sister when she was 5, she screams cries and feels such intense feelings of anger followed by immediate break down, sadness, remorse. I feel you sister, sometimes thereâs nothing you can do, nothing you did or didnât do. SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP! Thatâs it. Find a good child therapist and settle in for some work and a long road ahead. My daughter is almost 8, itâs getting better, slooooowly. You got this! YOU ARE AMAZING just for knowing and loving your child enough to seek help 
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I would take her to see a child psychologist. My son had some of those issue and I suspect ODD, but he was so far diagnosed with ADHD and ASD. Kids act out when they are struggling.
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Itâs not always a learned behavior so folks please take care in not assuming âsheâs getting it from somewhereâ She may actually have a cognitive imbalance or a natural/genetic disposition to these behaviors.
Psychologist here⌠and Iâd recommend getting her assessed for Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) by a psychiatrist or other trained mental health professional. This isnât something that your family doctor or pediatrician can properly assess in my clinical opinion. Much luck mom and hang in there. Just keep nurturing her as best as you can. She cannot help what sheâs doing.
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I have this exact child too, itâs hard. She has been diagnosed with ODD and we struggle daily. Aside from others, traditional punishment and âputting your foot downâ doesnât work. We are very structured parents and our other children are very well behaved. I cry and struggle with her behavior and where I went wrong. Unfortunately, we had to resort to medication and consistent counseling along with a very strict schedule. Our daughter is 11 now and has a hard time with peer relationships as a result, so hard to see as a parent for sure. There are books and support groups. Hugs momma .
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Kids model the behavior the recieve and see.
Every action is communication⌠if sheâs acting out, a need is not being met weather it be sheâs hungry or tired, or sometimes they just want your attention and time.
They have emotions just like us adults, but their brains arenât developed enough to process through it all, thatâs where your parenting comes in.
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She had to pick it up from somewhere. Monitor what kind of shows sheâs watching. Youtube videos.
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Can we stop with that, âthatâs what kids doâ or âkids being kidsâ as an excuse for bad behavior. Thatâs exactly why a lot of kids never change their behavior. Please speak to her pediatrician and have her evaluated. There could be something going on or she has to learn about accountability and consequences for unacceptable behavior. Good luck
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Iâm confused why sheâs acting this way at four years old. Sheâs seen it an been around it it seems. Sheâs walking all over you an youâre letting it happen. I know itâs hard but youâre the mother. She needs some type of discipline.
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Ask about oppositional defiant disorder, my daughter had it.
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