Is there anyone in your household who talks like that? Maybe evaluate where she is learning that behaviour from so that you can start from there. A show, a sibling, a parent, teacher?
What in the world are you letting her watch? Itâs 100% learned behavior. Good luck getting her to change if you canât recognize the source.
To much attention also causes this ignore her tantrums and see how they stop because ahe gets nothing out of it of ignored its your reaction she is after
I agree that it does sound like O.D.D. & just wanna throw this out there. Even if you do get a diagnosis, it is your choice to medicate or not. There are plenty of other options (parenting classes/books, behavioral therapy, etc.) besides medication that can help your childâs behavior.
I would get a referral to a pediatric psychiatrist just to rule out any that may be contributing. Could be anxiety or something causing irritability
Therapy and discipline and see about autism and adhd.
My daughter is five. She is still this way. Her doctor said that once she starts kindergarten it will possibly get betterâŚ
I would have a visit with a neuropsych. 
Some of this could be Autistic behaviors (demand avoidance can sometimes occur). It could be ODD. It could be ADHD. We donât really know as we arenât experts. But they would help to figure things out with you and then youâll know which direction to head in as far as research, support groups, etc.!
She obviously Learned that language somewhere. Be careful of what she watches onlineâŚ
This is sad. My boy turned 4 in March⌠He is so sweet all ways uses his manners⌠All ways tells me he loves me throughout the day⌠He never ever uses bad words⌠Iâve heard other kids try get him to. He says no⌠Thatâs a bad word⌠Heâs so full of love⌠I wud almost say heâs never ever naughty⌠He never needs a smack⌠Iâm so blessed⌠He wudnt know what hate ment⌠Or how to lie reallyâŚ
Revisit shows she is watching, the way you speak to/ about her and others, people she is hanging around etc
Here reading all the comments bashing Momma as if she is the problem. Not always the case. Shows none of u have been thru this. I am experiencing this with my daughter. She is #7 baby⌠Praying for u Mom⌠some children are just difficult.
My 4 year old son does all that exact same stuff!!!
I highly recommend getting on amazon and checking these books outâŚ.
Psychiatrist immediately. Itâs not your fault. These behaviors are not normal in any way.
So my 4 years old teacher requested a letter from all the parents about their child . I would like to share with you what I wrote in my letter .
I think that maybe it can help you appreciate some things although they are hard . I also understand the frustration of the negative behavior but maybe this will potential allow you to see another side of it as well.
I would love to tell you about my Raelynn . Raelynn is four years old and full of fire and spirit . She is rather fierce and forceful for her age .she runs on her emotion in the moment . She shows a definite independent and will power Iâve never experienced . She is strong in nature and determined to succeed in all her ways . This can be a beautiful character , but it can also be a scary one sometimes. I find myself always trying to tame her without breaking her spirit . She is by far my difficult child in this way. I admit I struggle the most with her . After having Chris who as Iâm sure you remember was much more gentle and sensitive Raelynn is a new breed and Iâm still learning to parent her through her character. Raelynn can be a great leader, loves to help and be in charge . This can be an amazing attribute , but on the other side she can struggle when she is not allowed to lead and be in charge . This is something we are currently working with her on . She finds it difficult and can act very unkindly when she feels like she can make her own choices . We do our best to give her options when appropriate but sometimes there isnât an option and she struggles the most in those times . She can be the most loving little girl but when she chooses . She is most usually not the cuddly affectionate one . She has to normally invite you in to her space and doesnât handle it well if you force yourself into hers . She chooses when she wants to engage with others . She is either all about it or not feeling it . She is extremely girly and sassy while also being rough and tough . I have no doubt that my little sour patch baby will do amazing things in her adult hood . I just need to guide her through her emotions and the way to express them in appropriate manners . When Raelynn is happy and excit d her characterization shines bright and proud as a leader , as a strong willed woman, and as a bright shining light no one can dim and people are proud and doting on her . But when those same characteristics are shown in sadness or anger they show harshly on her and many people canât handle that side of her and consider her bad . Raelynn isnât a bad child, she truly isnât . She just has so much MUCHNESS in her tiny little body. and she is learning to express that muchness and struggles sometimes . I love my sweet wild Raelynn and I hope that you can help guide her as well. Please never hesitate to speak with me about any behavior because me and ray always want to be able to address and follow up with her . We often talk to her when she does show out and remind her Jesus wants us to be kind and gentle . I know you are a follower of God as well so please know you have our permission and blessing to say this to her as well. We also are already encouraging her to talk to Jesus when she feels angry . I know there are probably school rules regarding this but if you ever do need to talk to her privately about it you have our full permission. I want to teach her to speak to God when she feels angry, and out of control. I know as she gets older it will all even out but for now she needs him to help navigate her big feelings in her tiny body .
Raelynn is extremely smart , she loves books and coloring and painting is her favorite . She LOVES the outdoors and making things in the sand . Outside calms her spirit and makes her feel peaceful . She love baths but doesnât trust the pool or the ocean . Lol she prefers control as I mentioned lol . She loves her brother and her sisters and is closest with Athena the youngest. . And she is her daddy right hand girl . She loves working hard outside with him in the yard , and would much rather skip a nap and pick up rocks and sticks so he can cut the grass .
I hope that you find this as informative and truthful and not in anyway negative . I see the brightness and the beauty in Raelynn through her hard moments and feelings. You see when Raelynn was born she had to fight to survive , we both almost didnât make it . I will never forget looking up to God with tears begging for him to let her live even if it meant taking me . She struggled and fought and fought to take her first breath. And I know that same fight that brought her into this world alive has never left her . I will never take that fight fir granted even if some days it does leave me tired and weary because I know itâs the same fight she needed to be here and carry her through this world we live in and that she will grow in .
I will also add allowing choices does truly help with my daughter . Taking a choice sets her on fire . Also she does better with timeout than a spanking . Spanking her is like ringing the bell in a kick boxing match .
Sometimes ya gotta just stick their little butts in a timeout spot, set a timer and if they keep getting up I give them 3 chances to sit back down and after the third time they loose a privallege like a tablet or tv time & no dessert after dinner⌠and if they still arenât listening after that usually that means they go and lay down for a rest and still not listening well thatâs when they get a tap on the behind. Usually they listen after the first 2 times tho. You gotta be consistent same consequences every time and always always follow through never give in. Even if they are being outrageous in public I will take them to the car and sit them down until they calm down.
Stand your ground hard. Itâs not easy but you have toâŚ
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Ground her take away things she likes and perhaps maybe get her tested
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Therapy for both of you and parenting classes (not saying youâre doing something wrong, they will teach you proper discipline for each issue that comes up).
I will need more time to address the main question but I want to add that as a 4 yr old⌠lying about stupid things is a whole lot different than lying as an older child/teen/adult. It sounds to me, that you really treat her older and have too many expectations for her. I have 4 kids and I definitely did this with my older 2. My current 4 yr shocked me one day and really helped me put development in perspective. They seem so aware and mostly logical and smart and with it but this one situation made me realize I interpreted this intelligence and awareness incorrectly.
We had a bag of 4 tablets and a fitbit watch at a family members house. We left the house and when we got home we realized it was missing. My 4 yr old is very academically intelligence with a very intense imagination but for the most part can recant situations with accuracy. So we lost the bag. The family searched out and it wasnât there. I didnât think he had touched the bag but he kept insisting he had we tried to retrace his steps but they always changed. First he left it outside in the cabin (a tree by a step/house that creates almost a tent) but I knew that was impossible because that was the 1 day he didnât go there. Then he said he left it in cousins room but he didnât go up there that day. Then he remembers taking it into our house and bringing the bag to his roomâŚwhich is what usually happens. He webt through so many scenarios insisting he remembered thatâs what he had sone. He isnât conieving or maliciousâŚusually sweet and generous and it dawned on me he couldnât distinguish old memories/the idea of what may have happened with real actual memories. The whole situation was very frustrating to my 10 yr old who felt like Mr. 4 was just f#@% with him but he truly was trying to work out what happened.
Despite appearing their cognitive abilities are all there like ours we need to reframe our perspective and realize that a lot of their understanding of things is not the same as oursâŚthey might have the 20 building blocks that are very important but be missing 5 that are still developing which means processing and functions are off from adults.
Change the kidâs diet. No sugar or food dye.
Sounds like oddâŚdealing w it myself w a 15 yr old.
Where is she learning this behavior? Find the source and eliminate it.
Who in the home is she imitating?
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Is she allowed to use the I pad
Most actions, emotions, feelings stem from past experiences.
How much screen time do they have? I asked because I noticed when my son plays games his attitude becomes more rude
When I was younger, this recipe called for a tablespoon dish soap and handful of a wooden spoon! You had one attitude adjustment coming right up!
Kids pick up a lot from other kids , tv school anywhere nowadays
Evaluated. There is something not right. Signed mamma of 6! There is definitely something not right here with your baby.
Just all of that⌠nope.
Iâm sorry youâre dealing with this though, unfortunately I donât have advice that wouldnât anger a bunch of people on this thread so Iâll just keep my mouth shutâ:skull_and_crossbones:
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a good ol butt popping is what she needs and to sit in her room until she knows how to act like a child of god/ a nice pretty little girl.
Sounds like she has defiance syndrome
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You have to put your foot down when the behavior first starts. My daughter tried this with me one time and it was the last. I didnât hit her I just let her know the behavior was not going to be tolerated. After two years you can correct it but itâll take a lot of time. Behavioral therapy may be something to look into.
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Whoop that ass. Be the parent. As far as her words I mean she has to hear it from somewhere
A good old fashioned butt whooping would help!
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Get her mental professional help now!!! They dont grow out of it
I would recommend a mental health evaluation to begin with.
Discipline, who does this little girl think she is!
She needs a good old fashioned wake up call . Swat that behind .
DisciplineâŚwhoop their ass!! U donât have to abuse, just let em know whoâs in charge! Spare the rod, spoil the childâŚMANNERS, HOME TRAININGâŚRESPECTâŚCOMMON DECENCYâŚCOMMON SENSEâŚShall I go on?
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Whoop that ass 
and explain why you did
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A good old fashion switch on her butt!
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Ummmm well she is learning this behavior somewhere just sayn
Pray the demonic spirits out of your child. 
She needs to go to preschool/daycaređ
look into â1,2,3 Magicâ parenting program, and BE CONSISTENT!
Even negative attention is attention.
She is taking after you or the dad
Following bc my 4 yo Salem is living up to her witchy name. I might go crazy soon.
A good old fashioned ass whipping
Time to get these bad boys out
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Saaaame! My daughter is 2 and Iâm already fed up with it
Dont rrspond to her⌠ignorr hrr and tell why⌠just turn around ⌠no reaction⌠yons of praisr whrn shr polite
See a mental health professional
I didnât read the comments but what I can say is to get behavior therapy. My son was the same way come to find out after lots of therapy and a psychological evaluation he was diagnosed with Dmdd (Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder), adhd and severe anxiety. There is help you just have to seek it and stick to it. Iâm not saying this is what it is. Iâm just saying there can be a underlying issue and its worth looking into. GOOD LUCK MAMMA. keep us updated
Sounds like mom forgot who mom is
Speak to a psychiatrist. See if they can advise you
She may have been displaying bad behavior for longer than you think. Ever since my 2 year old started talking, Iâve sensed a bit of a sass and demand in her tone. There were moments when she was younger where she would swat at myself or others in a way that didnât outright show signs of aggression, but we still corrected it early. Even though theyâre cute at 2 years old, this is a crucial time in a young childâs life where they must learn how to behave around others.
My kid tried this bullshit with being mouthy and the hate you crap. Everytime she got mouthy, pushy, snarky, etc she was sent into a room with a chair only. Time out in there started at 5 minutes for first offence and went up in 5 minute increments. If she screamed at me she would get a flick in the mouth, if she said really hateful things she got to take a bite out of a bar of ivory soap. Didnât take long to win that battle - with a few âI am the parent, you are the child and I will NOT tolerate this garbage from youâ so here is your punishment (the room without anything). Yes this was many years ago, but the ârulesâ havenât changed. You are the parent & she is the kid.
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Iâm so sorry mama, I have a 5 year old and Iâve been dealing with this since she was 1-2. She was always challenging but it got even worse after her father and I split. The child you describe is very similar to mine and she tests me in EVERY way EVERY day I have her. Her little brother is now following suit. Not sure if you drink but a drink here and there helps, any kind of stress/frustration/anger outlet you can think of is going to be VERY much needed. I am having mine seen by a therapist and if that doesnât help, we are moving to a behavioral therapist for a possible diagnosis. Iâm hoping this will end much sooner than I feel 
Iâm totally cool with you msging me anytime you need someone else to lean on. Sending tons of love and light to both of you 
Ps: this is another thing Iâve wanted to try! Maybe you can and let me know if it helps! Xoxo
This sounds EXACTLY like my 4 year old with the attitude. It just came on all of a sudden! She use to be such a good girl now I hear Iâm mean she doesnât like me anymore all day the tantrums get worse and worse and Iâm at a total loss. Idk if itâs cause sheâs trying to work through things so I sit down and try to talk to her but she starts goofing off and turning it into a joke so I just donât know where to go from here!
YeahâŚshes definitely hearing it somewhereâŚ
Happily ignore all the people who tell you to hit your child. Also, the âshow them it doesnât affect youâ doesnât always work. I did that for months on end with my son and one day I was just so fed up with it, he said something nasty and intended to hurt and I pulled the car over into a parking lot and just bawled my eyes out. Told him straight up that it was breaking my heart to hear my beautiful little love talking so ugly and he was out of that car seat in my lap hugging me so damn quick. Sometimes what they need most is to remember that you are as human as they are.
Sounds like ODD. Get her tested.
There could very well be something mentally going on. I dont think it is necessarily a parenting issue. Follow your gut. You know what your child needs. Keep getting more opinions. Doctors get it wrong too. Like these comments display, its so easy to write it off as a parenting and diciplinary deficit when referring to children and that may not always be the case. A lot of the time parents discipline their children for their behavior and the children grow up and as adults express how they just wished their parent actually got them help instead of focusing on correcting their behavior with an âiron fist.â You know that there is something more otherwise you wouldnât of sought out professional opinions. Keep advocating for your child. I truly think the child does in fact have Behavioral issue stemming from something deeper. At 2 years old i find it difficult to believe that its just a parenting problem. Keep fighting for an answer for your child . Better now than later or never. Good luck
Manners start when talking starts.
My oldest child is like that. Itâs the beginning of narcissistic behavior. Talk with your pediatrician about having her observed by a professional. Theyâre trained to help better than us. Prayers!
Therapy and try not giving in âŚ
Just her age? My 2 year old says please and thank you and has the best manners. Maybe try sitting her down and talking? See why she gets so worked up?
She has to be picking this up from someone.
Kids are mirrors, who around her communicates or acts like this around her.
Okay, take her to another doctor. Take her to a counselor. Take her to be tested for adhd, add, dissociative disorder. This is not a normal 4 year old behavior. I will say no matter what it is you need to stay consistent, and it will probably get worse before it gets better. Hugs.
If she doescnot get help⌠age 13 is going to be bad for alot of people. Including her
Sounds like she knows there are consequences to her actions⌠she needs to learn this now so society doesnât have to teach her when she grows up!
You let that continue for to long or she wouldnât be that way,sounds like sheâs allowed to hang with Adults and learn disrespect towards everyone she learned this somewhereâŚget a hold of her quick she needs a very strong person over her
I donât have advice on anything and Iâm really sorry youâre dealing with this behavior. I agree with some comments that are saying get her evaluated and a parenting class for yourself. When my daughter would say âI hate youâ or âI donât love youâ, I would yell (not mean yelling), âwell I love youuuuuuuuuuuâ Then run and hug her lmao. She stopped that âI hate youâ and âI donât love youâ crap about a week after I started doing what I did. Lol. Also, ignore the people shaming you. Youâre doing the best you can do and reaching out for help shows a lot about you. Keep your head up momma. 
Sounds a little like ODD Iâd definitely see a paediatrician if I were you. X
This strikes me similar to the âmy kid wonât eat anything but (xyz) so I just buy it to avoid an argument.â
Some kids are oppositional because we allow them to be. Weâre busy, weâre on our phone, we donât have the energy, whatever excuse it might be. They act out for attention and the only attention they seem to get is negative so wash, rinse, repeat.
Donât want your kids eating chicken nuggets every meal or them throwing a tantrum when you donât? STOP BUYING CHICKEN NUGGETS! Let them throw a tantrum and send them to bed for the night. They WILL eat. They wonât starve themselves to death.
Are they searching for attention? Put down the phone and do things with your kids.
Why are they picking on other people? Is the person distracted and not showing the child any attention? Shock value goes pretty far with small children because it makes you look up from what you are doing and acknowledge the child.
HOWEVER, there is a time and a place for them to understand they arenât the priority.
If you are legitimately busy, on the phone, at the register, driving, or doing something where stopping your action would significantly impact your activity, acknowledge the request for attention, explain what you are doing and give them an expectation- âI need to finish paying for groceries and get them to the car and then we can talk once you are buckled in.â Unless they need attention for an immediate issue- bathroom, bandaid, injury, illness, etc. they need to learn to wait.
Outbursts and negative behavior, sans a medical condition, should not be tolerated.
But first and foremost one needs to evaluate the cause of the behavior and just maybe if it is a reaction to our own.
Just my two cents.
Evaluation is the first step. Sounds like the beginning of how my kiddo with DMDD was, maybe ODD.
Ever try whooping her ?
No, this is NOT âwhat kids doâ. Whip that ass. Period.
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Ummmm hellllloo you allowed it⌠never punished her and nowwwww it a problem 
Spare the rod spoil the child. Grow a pair and SPANK
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Girl! My brother had adhd and my mom beat the adhd right out of his assâŚ.my oldest son has it aswellâŚ. Whooping his ass got him right together! Whoop her ass and show her u are the parent and she is the child! Spare the rod! Spoil the child! Whoop her little cute ass!
The amount of child abusers in these commentsđ
Have you considered getting a mental health evaluation?
Sometimes kids need to unload too
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Parents are too soft. Everyone thinks poor behavior is a disorder 
unpopular opinion here, pop her in the mouth one good time. Not hard, just enough to get her attention then sit her behind in time out! One minute for every year of her age, so a 4 yr.old will sit for 4 minutes. Do not engage with her during that time. Donât let anything slide, be consistent!!
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My mamma would spank me. Hmmm. I had one rule as a single mother. First time I told you was a gift. Second time - @$&$ - &$$$
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Discipline discipline discipline and being consistent with it!! My neice and nephews get away with a lot and it shows horribly they know who and what they can get away with my neice and one of my nephews are the worst they talk to their mom like sheâs garbage because they know they can and there is no consequences to it yet they have never talked to me that way because they know better and will actually have consequences if they did it definitely shows when theyâre not discipline and consistently
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Beat that ass. If that dont work them beat the absolute sht out of her. You are the parent and you are responsible for what kind of person to put in this world. Going to jail would be better than putting another adult in society that acts that way so discipline accordingly. RIP little ms chucky!!!
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Why are you rewarding her with letting her have friends over? Please seek mental health professionals for you and you child.
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A good ol fashioned ass whoopin will do her goodâŚafter that take away all her toys electronics ECT just leave her the bed and clothes in her roomâŚwhen she behaves better u start bringing her stuff back to her roomâŚ
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The fact you said âif they areâ after saying she calls people fat letâs me know this is likely a learned behavior. Therapy might be useful.
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Learned behavior⌠Act right yourself⌠sheâll pick up.
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Sounds like oppositional defiant disorder. All 3 of my children were diagnosed at age 3 with it. No medication for it but behavior therapy is a blessing they are now 13 12 9 and have tremendously changed alot
She would probably live in time out but thatâs just me the behavior is unacceptable at any age being young isnât a excuse
Some of that is age. Most of that is learned behavior. Do you act like that? Sounds like you act like that and she is acting like you. Kids learn by example. Either way she is just 4. 4year olds have no filter and call things how they see it or how they can understand it with their limited world view and mental development. You can say âshe acts olderâ all you want. She is 4! Treat like she is 4. Put your foot down and let her throw her fits and ignore her. Above all donât act in a way that you arenât okay with her mimicking.
You need to be clear and firm with her. Stick to discipline and be consistent with it. You may also want to seek professional help.
Beat her ass to the tenth power and make her think about why she sy before she says it to you or Amy body else make her so scared of you so when she see you come in the same room as her she will run to another get her while she young because if you wait itâs a done deal