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QUESTION:
"This is going to be kinda long so please bare with me. I finally escaped my abusive husband in Nov. I finally got my own place right before Christmas. I am on SSI and so I am home all the time. I have 2 boys that are 2 and 4. My 4-year-old is horrible and I don’t mean the typical 4-year-old horrible. He purposely hurts his brother and animals. He threatens me several times a day whenever he doesn’t get his way. He constantly raises his fist at me and says “do you want me to beat you mom” His temper tantrums last hours and are usually violent. He does not sleep at night but maybe a couple of hours. Then he gets up and is into all kinds of things. One night he got up and got into my brand new makeup and ruined it all. He then somehow got ahold of my bleach kitchen cleaner and sprayed it all over. He then went into the kitchen and got everything out of the cupboards. I hardly sleep anymore because I am worried that he will get into more dangerous things and hurt himself or his brother. He has sent his brother to the er several times. I am doing this completely alone. I have no family or friends. I have no help I am with my kids 24/7. We are now waiting for an appointment for my 4-year-old to be seen to get tested for ADHD, ODD, and a few things but it will take about 90 days to get an appointment. My 2-year-old is now starting to act out. I’m at my wit’s end. I’m so close to having a mental breakdown because of my 4-year-old. I guess I am just needing to vent. If you read all of this thank you. I am trying my best to improve our lives. I am a full-time online college student and I just feel like a complete failure as a mom."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Seek help/therapy now"
"I’m so sorry you are going through this. Definitely get to the Dr and therapy."
"Get him in therapy. Like a child’s behavior therapist would be a great help. Also, get yourself into therapy."
"Did he witness any of that behavior from your husband?"
"You are not a failure at all by any means. I have gone through similar things with my children, if you need to talk, please message me.
If you are ever in fear of your child’s well-being, take them to the ER and request a psych evaluation. Do not let this be chalked up to temper tantrums. It is not easy, I’m sorry you are dealing with this."
"First of all, you are not a failure. Try behavioral therapy/counseling. They could be mimicking the behavior of your ex-partner too."
"Family counseling should help. He’s still young so there’s hope to change his temper. I’m glad you left and are safe"
"Definitely speak to the parent that is unaware"
"Has he witnessed this behavior from your husband? That might be a cause of it. Definitely behavior therapy"
"This isn’t your fault, you aren’t a failure and it’s not his but I’m sure it’s extremely overwhelming and exhausting and scary as a mom. It sounds like he needs behavioral therapy. There may be more going on but I would definitely start there. Also if the sleep and behaviors coincide, they may be heightened due to the lack of sleep and the stress on his little body and brain. I would think a pediatrician would consider melatonin to at least see if it would help him get some sleep and then tackle what’s remaining of the behaviors w some behavioral therapy"
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