My friend has gained a lot of weight and I am concerned for her health: Advice?

I’m sure she knows this herself

2 Likes

Stay in your lane girl! You don’t buy her groceries or pay her medical bills. :roll_eyes: the fact that its concerning you … ya better take a gard look yourself and your friendship… best friend? Haven’t seen her in a year? Show her support! Show her love and for the love of God zip your lip! She knows… trust me ! She doesn’t need an old friend comparing her to how she looked in high school.

3 Likes

You said you haven’t seen each other in a year, do you live far from each other? She may have issues like depression that can lead to weight gain. If you want to help make more time in your life to be a part of hers to see what is going on then maybe your solution is morning walks or something that could help without saying you need to lose weight.

1 Like

I didn’t take this as “I want to point out she’s fat”, I took it more as “my friend who I haven’t seen in a year has put on a lot of weight and I’m concerned about her as a whole person”, so I would say don’t mention the weight part, but ask if she’s okay/how life has been/let her know you’re there for her and if she needs to vent or a shoulder to cry on etc that you’re there. If SHE brings up her weight, then just be empathetic and let her vent about it.

9 Likes
  1. One Of two things could be happening in this situation she could be reaching out 2 u 2 hopefully get ways of helping motivate her 2 lose the weight or 2. Get encouragement from her friend about her body being beautiful the way she is. 3. It’s ok 2 be concerned because yes some medical issues come from being overweight but if she knows I would honestly just ask general questions about how she feels overall not just her weight. If she feels bad enough don’t continue 2 make her feel bad. 4. Once u have a talk with her and see what other ways u can take the information she’s given u ask if she wants 2 go 4 a walk on a trail 4 some girl time or a bike ride. Something that’s believable 4 some girl time but still healthy ways 2 start some exercise but that leaves the decision up 2 her. There’s nothing worse than already feeling bad about self image and then having someone u consider a friend make u feel even worse about yourself.

If that’s your best friend… talk to her go to the gym together meal plan together my bestfriend and I go grocery shopping together it’s always easier knowing you have someone behind you

I’m overweight and healthy. My bones joints are good my cholesterol is good. I actually eat a lot of healthy foods like nuts fruit abd veggies. I wouldn’t say a thing unless her health actually is bad

1 Like

Courtney Lynn Cue the audacity you have to write a post about me on social media :hushed::hushed::speak_no_evil::whale:

She knows. Trust me.

You could ask how she’s doing in more general terms though. Most of the time, weight gain is caused by something not being right. Maybe it’s a medical condition, or maybe it’s pandemic stress, loss of a loved one, worries about finances… any number of things. People eat too much for the same reason people drink too much, spend too much, whatever. It’s a coping mechanism.

And changing your eating/exercise habits is HARD. If she does want to lose weight, it’s easier if you’re feeling supported and loved and are in a good mental place. Friends can definitely help with that.

5 Likes

You don’t know what she’s going threw you don’t know if she had an illness causing her weight problems and you don’t know if she’s doing everything she can to get that weight off some illnesses no matter what you do you just can’t lose the weight but really you should mind your business I really feel like the only people who should be talking to someone else about they weight is a doctor a parent or a spouse

2 Likes

I get where you are coming from. BUT DO NOT MENTION THE WEIGHT. If anything tell her she’s beautiful… Being her best friend you should be able to notice other weird symptoms if there’s any, tho. Like is she extra mood swingy, emotional, extra tired, does she have bags under her eyes, Pale?? Thinning hair even… it could be a hormonal/thyroid issue etc or it could be a mental health issue in which case you do not want to point out that she’s fat; *plenty of other shitty ppl and drs will do that for you/her + she’s naturally aware… pointing her weight out could trigger her to be further self destructive. At the most I’d advise seeing a dr.

2 Likes

Curvy Girl Lingerie lots of people here could use your wisdom.

I can promise you, she already knows about the weight.
I’d like to add that being overweight does not always equal health issues. I know some people who are heavier than I am who are in much better health.
I gained an extra 150 pounds out of seemingly nowhere when I switched birth control and it really put a damper on my confidence.
Is there a park you both like? You can make it a friend hangout day to take a walk in the park. If you guys take a nice walk somewhere fairly often she could slowly start loosing weight. Then you’re helping her out without outwardly mentioning her weight and you guys get to have a nice friend day 🤷

Wow you’re extremely rude and need to MYOB. Some friend. Seriously? :unamused:

1 Like

If it wasn’t for my best friend telling me how big I got (my mom died in Aug 2020) I wouldn’t have changed. Realized that I let it go. Lost 30 pounds since December. Cause she showed concerns. All while her mom was dieing too.

The only way you could say anything at all is of you said something like hey im gonna join a gym. I really want to get healthy but I need someone to hold me accountable. Any chance you want to buddy up…otherwise don’t do it

4 Likes

Trust me her mom,dad, sister/brother, aunt/uncle, someone has already mentioned it and she doesn’t want to hear it from you

5 Likes

If you live close enough to her, find out what her activity interest are and go from there. A dedicated fitness practice can do wonders for the mind & body. Even if you can schedule a walking routine once a week or find a Zumba class once a week. It’s social, not boring, and once you realize how good fitness feels, most people are motivated to stick with it.

1 Like

I was really hoping for a pic. #slightlydisappointed

Okay. This is where you start proactive steps. A conversation about her weight will not work. You need action. Sign up for a GOAL. Get her stepping out and doing some good. Fundraise. I recently completed 10,000 steps a day for Refuge womens shelter and in June I’m raising money by swimming lengths for Dementia research. Give her a reason bigger than herself. Do it with her. Race for Life or one of those quarter marathons. Sign up for an activity… a local Zumba class maybe? It has to STICK or it wont stay as part of her life. No one wants to be criticized for their weight but we can all improve.

Keep it to yo self :call_me_hand:t2:

Are you male or female? Only asking because it makes a difference on how to talk to her about her weight gain. In my opinion!

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My friend has gained a lot of weight and I am concerned for her health: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

I wouldn’t bring it up she knows how much she weighs

1 Like

Even if it comes from a place of love it is still hurtful to be reminded of something that you see in the mirror every single day and battle do not bring it up. Maybe try to get her to join some groups or activities or something. Help to keep her busy maybe

8 Likes

You don’t think she knows she put on weight?? Mind your own business and stay in your own lane.

14 Likes

If it can’t be fixed in five minutes don’t comment on it. It’s a rule I live by. Examples are something in the teeth can be fixed in 5mins, a backwards shirt, etc. anything else is just rude and frankly none of your business. As someone who is overweight she doesn’t need ANOTHER person to comment on it since I’m sure you wouldn’t be the first. Leave her health to her and her doctors.

1 Like

This is a mind your own business situation if I’ve ever known …keep your mouth shut about it…js

2 Likes

If your local see if see she will go on walks with ya or possibly go to a gym with ya keep it simple

3 Likes

See if she is mentally okay , maybe ask her how things are going ? You said she ain’t ever left your hometown maybe she is battling some demons so she binge eats and has no energy for nothing else.

She knows and by bringing it up it will make her feel bad and possibly push you out of her life. A better way would be ask how she’s feeling. Bring up how the last year has impacted you, see if she feels the same way. Offer support. A shoulder to cry on, an open mind and ear, and mental health resources if needed.

8 Likes

Nope.

are you aware some medicine makes you gain weight?

2 Likes

Well when you find this out let me know. I myself is going through the same situation Ihad go have both my hips replaced within a 6 month timing I had to have a umbilical hernia fixed all within this time and wans’t able to do much but learn HOW to walk and recover from all 3 surguries. Im a mess please help

1 Like

Do you think she doesn’t know? Hum. Yes check on her but be subtle.

8 Likes

I’m sure she doesn’t need you to point it out as she sees and feels it daily. Support is what she needs. If your local, maybe go hiking. Talk about your goals and maybe share healthy recipes you like. If she asks for help help.

17 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My friend has gained a lot of weight and I am concerned for her health: Advice? - Mamas Uncut

I’m sure she’s fully aware of her weight gain. We’re our own worst critics. Making sure everything is okay in her life & at home is a good thing to check up on but I wouldn’t bring up her weight gain at all! Even though it’s coming from a place of love on your part she might not see it like that & just take offense.

32 Likes

Just ask if she’s okay, make sure she knows she can talk to you and you’ll be there for her.
I don’t know why the angry faces, that’s just silly. She’s concerned about her friend.
Why is it okay for people to question significant weight loss, but not significant weight gain…especially if she hasn’t typically been heavy or fluctuated.

Weight gain and weight loss and just weight in general is a hard topic for most and if she seems embarrassed or anything of the sort when it comes to her body I wouldn’t bring up the weight gain instead ask her how she’s been, how her health is, and let her know if she needs anything or just needs someone to talk to you’re there for her.

2 Likes

I’d be mortified if someone said something about my weight. I’m 5’7 and about 150lbs. Doesn’t seem bad for my height right? WRONG! It is all in my belly. I have a few health issues that make it damn near impossible to lose weight. I mean after working out and eating right I didn’t lose any inches. I was so upset I just cried and cried. My husband loves me and doesn’t mind the weight. He doesn’t think I’m fat. I am coming to terms with the weight gain but still get sad when I see a photo of me from when I was younger.

3 Likes

Very well can be a hormonal imbalance or something more serious i would at least ask how she feeling and when her last check with a dr blood work up ect mine ended up being cancer so yes i after going through it would definitely stick my nose in and make sure my friend was ok and if its just covid cabin fever from being stuck in covid hell for the last yr then suggest to be her walking buddy

5 Likes

I apreciate your opinion to just shut up but as one that went through it i wish my friends had supported me and asked instead of avoiding me

10 Likes

If it’s truly a close friend, I’d ask about everything and see if she is struggling. If she’s stressed and doesn’t know where to start and wanting to lose weight, I’d offer to join and do it together.

I wouldn’t offer going on walks either it implies her weight. Just be a FRIEND! Listen to her and if she wants to share she will. It’s none of your business why she gained weight.

Who knows what she’s going through. Has she had fertility struggles? I would not comment on her weight she’s well aware of it I’m sure. Just be a loving supportive friend to her and accept her as she is now.

1 Like

Not ur place to say anything she know and she also knows what kinds of issues it can do there maybe stuff going on in her life that’s having effect or a health issue that is causing her to gain the weight but no matter what it is it’s not ur place to say anything to her

2 Likes

Mind ya business. Trust me, she knows she needs to lose weight

3 Likes

Agree with offer go on walks together or join exercise class. When u go out to eat you order healthy most likely she will follow

Please don’t bring it up and say you are worried for her health because that will make her feel like shit. If you are really worried and wanting to help maybe ask if she would like to be your gym buddy or see if she wants to join a workout app with you for motivation. I started wait watchers free app on my phone and I lost 30lbs in 2 months all because i was worried about a friend of mine she has lost 200lbs and she was so happy that i helped her through the hard times

5 Likes

Tbh there is no right way to approach her. She’s gonna react how she does but Depending on y’all relationship and how open she is I wouldn’t approach her until she comes to you. My question if you was really was generally concerned why did it take it to now when you actually found out her current weight? As in the number?

1 Like

Some times it can be good to address it can help motivate , I’d suggest noom it’s great for helping over come emotional eating and other mental health related eating problems which is often time why some one gains so much and is unable to loose it , it’s a deep issue noom is amazing

I’m sure she knows! Me being that friend who put in the weight. Trust me, we know. Be supportive.

1 Like

You will most definitely hurt her feelings. And upset her. Piss her off. And depending on how your friendship is, chance ruining it. She knows she’s gained weight. There could very well be a medical reasoning for the weight gain. Or not🤷 do not throw it in her face thou. If you’re worried about her, ask her how she is. Be her friend and love her. And support her. But don’t, tell her you’ve noticed her weight gain. No matter how you word it, it will most definitely not come out the way you hope for it too. And, to her, possibly will just sound like “hey, so I’ve noticed you kinda got fat… What’s up with that” and not like “hey I’m worried about your health. And I love you and just wanna make sure you’re okay”

4 Likes

Keep your comments to yourself. She’s aware of her weight gain. If and when she wants to do something about it, she will.

Pray for her health and well being.

Most are saying not to bring up her weight because she must be aware of it but in reality is she? I struggled to lose weight for years I would say I just became comfortable where I was. In the past 6 months I have lost 80 lbs and now looking back at pictures I ask my family why didn’t yall ever tell me that I was so big? Why didn’t yall tell me I needed to do something? Their response was because we got used to seeing you like that and thought you were ok with it. So no, don’t stay with your mouth shut because if for health reasons something happens to your friend you are going to wish you would have said something. There are apps that yall can do workouts together and keep track and motivate each other. If she is a good friend help her, good friends are hard to find now in days.

1 Like

I’m pretty sure she’s well aware of her weight. I hate when people comment on mine. I don’t believe in pointing out things people can’t immediately change or fix, like a wardrobe malfunction or something in their teeth.

I wouldn’t ask about the weight gain. But BECAUSE of the weight gain. Whether it’s a physical or mental illness you should check just to see if she’s ok. Usually if there is a LOT of weight gain, there is a reason behind it. Reach out and be a friend. :black_heart:

3 Likes

Keep your gob shut - she’s aware of her weight and if she wants your opinion she will ask for it.

Im underweight due to hyperthyroidism , totally aware of it and can’t stand “concerned “ people telling me what to do/ how worried they are- It makes me feel worse .

4 Likes

I would just ask her how she is feeling…physically, mentally & emotionally! She could be super depressed….let her vent. If she mentions her weight gain, ask her how she wants to change it and what you can do to help her. And if she doesn’t want to change it, just let her know that your always gonna be there for her no matter what.

4 Likes

Shes aware of the weight she’s gained. She’s also aware of the health effects.

She’s more aware of her weight gain than you are. What would benefit her to speak about her weight. She knows.

Not your place to say anything if you were my friend and said anything about my weight I would never speak to you again

She knows she’s over weight, no need to tell her. She’s not going to try losing weight until she’s ready. When she’s ready she’ll ask

She’ll just get mad, let her do what she does. Live your life…

I wouldn’t say anything. It could be medication weight. U dunno…

2 Likes

There’s no right way to bring something like that up. Be her friend. Reconnect with her. Id assume yall have drifted a bit if this is the first time she’s sending you a selfie in a year.

Her body is none of your concern and I don’t think you should say anything about it, even if it’s from a place of love and concern.

Mind your business and your own health?

Bring it up… ASK her about it so she can OPEN UP about her struggles. For all you know, she’s hoping to talk to someone about it. IF you are her FRIEND like you say, then there shouldn’t be any reason why you should not ask her about it.

You ARE concerned about her WHICH is exactly what you should be as her friend.

If you don’t know HOW to start, just ask her IF everything is alright with her health.

I did with a friend of mine from School I hadn’t seen in years and he opened up to me about his health challenges.

Turned out he had been diagnosed and IS still recovering from a RENAL FAILURE. I couldn’t call myself his friend IF I’d PRETENDED not to have seen the DRAMATIC weight loss when I met him.

All the best.

Mind your business. She’s aware. Maybe she’s been dealing with a condition that causes weight gain already. If you’re really her friend you’ll shut up about it.

4 Likes

Offer to go on walks with her, sit her down and explain that you care about her and want to help her anyway you can. Even if it’s just being a cheerleader and encouraging friend. Dont push her tho just let her know you’re there and you want to see her live her best life.

1 Like

I’m sure she’s aware. If you’re healthy eating and exercising post it on your social media’s that she follows and hopefully it encourages her to do the same thing. Check in with her regarding her mental health, not about her waistline.

Then, until you go to medical school or she asks for your opinion, keep it to yourself. She might have a medical condition or be taking meds that make her gain weight. She takes flak from the whole world everyday. She doesn’t need it from you.

If you haven’t shown your face in a year then I would mind my own business she doesn’t need you to tell her that’s she’s overweight she already knows promise

6 Likes

What is wrong with ppl these days? You aren’t her friend if all you noticed in a pic was her weight gain. Friends aren’t needed to give health advice. Friends are there to give advice when advice is asked for. I hope you leave her alone until you can come to terms with your own insecurities.

5 Likes

Please dont! Dont even mention her weight… maybe just ask her how she is feeling emotionally, maybe she is having a hard time and needs your support. Dont mention her appearance please. Maybe if she tells you something about it you can tell her she is beautiful but you can help her with some tips. But dont start the conversation :pray:

2 Likes

as a fast person my opinion is that you need to shush up. be a better friend and stop pretending your concern is anything more than fatfobia

3 Likes

It could be a medical issue, I wouldn’t say anything. I lost a LOT of weight and FAST. I knew something was wrong. Finally after about 2 months and 35 pounds (and a few other symptoms developed) I went to the doctor. I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism with graves disease. It didn’t matter what I did I just kept losing and I would eat a lot. Hypothyroidism is opposite of mind and can make you gain like that. Other things can as well. Like others said, I’m sure she’s aware and you shouldn’t make her feel worse even if it’s meant as kindness. I would maybe ask her to join you at times in doing some activities that could exercise without being like hey let’s exercise.

You should not point out that someone gained weight. That’s not your business and it is rude.

3 Likes

Perhaps there is an underlying issue she is afraid to face…people handle stress in many ways…eating is one of them…instead of addressing one’s weight maybe do lunch and see if your friend opens up to you…but you do you…if she is a good friend you know the triggers…Best of wishes xo

Extend offers like dinner and eat healthy. Bring the kids to the park and move while you’re there. Go shopping and walk through the store. It’s wonderful you’re concerned. Try to help her with listening and everyday healthy choices :slightly_smiling_face:

2 Likes

Your Her best friend , DON’T say anything.She well knows she’s gained weight. Your bringing it up will only put a wedge in your friendship…

2 Likes

People can hate on you all the want but I think it’s great you are concerned about her health and not mentioning her physical appearance. Unfortunately this is a convo for her and her dr. Or if you want to lose weight post that you are looking for an accountability buddy to lose weight etc

3 Likes

Just love her and be her friend… You can be sure she is aware of it. You telling her will not help. If you cannot be that person for her then just stay away from her.

As someone who was the fat one I have to say tough love was what I needed I was so in denial about my weight gain that when I finally stepped on the scale I actually could not believe it or understand how I had got that big I was 29.9 stone I couldn’t touch my toes or climb the stairs without being desperately out of breath and it took a good friend pointing out that maybe we should do something about it to make me realise I started a keto diet after watching several documentaries “fat head” “the magic pill” “fat fiction” And did a tonne of research In 3 years I lost 16 stone I’m still overweight but I can touch my toes now :heart: if you are close enough I say mention it see if she needs support and if she declines don’t push it because until she is ready to see the problem she won’t try :heart: you never know she might thank you :heart:

1 Like

Its not your place. It never will be your place.

Omg. You have not seen her in a year, Keep your mouth shut.

Ask her out to lunch and talk to her. Ask her how she’s doing and ask her how’s her health and just talk to her. If she’s your best friend then there is NO topic that should make you feel uncomfortable to discuss.

I was a size 0 for years and I gained a lot of weight and ran into an old friend that expressed her concerns and I told her that I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and it was mostly fluid weight that I was trying to work off… I was disgusted with myself… she got me in touch with a cardio dietitian and worked out out with me some days… I wasn’t offended because I knew she was genuinely concerned and she was there to help any way she possibly could!
Real friends are honest!

1 Like

Unless she’s complaining to you about her weight and or health issues, I wouldn’t say anything. She obviously knows that she gained weight.

Plant a seed of healthy living, if anything discuss how YOU approach meals… but I would not say anything that sounds like a critique- it’s nonnya business and it may push her the wrong way.

Omg!!! If u truly care for this person and think of them as a friend u wouldnt say a word and never think of ur friends weight ever again!!!

Could be several reasons as to why someone gains weight…why not ask the friend about how life is going and be a friend

Tell her you love her and leave her tf alone.

I’m sure she’s well aware she gained weight and doesn’t need someone else pointing it out to her to make her feel even more uncomfortable and embarrassed.

Nobody is more concerned about her weight than she already is, she doesn’t need the added stress I’m sure. How likely she felt comfy showing you her pic? If you use her pic to bring up her weight, she will never show her body to you again.

Keep in mind, being thin doesn’t equal good health. Google insulin resistance with obesity to learn the current studies on weight gain.

If you can’t enjoy your friends picture without seeing something negative, send it back to her.

Just be a friend. She knows. She needs someone who will listen

No…she is aware of her gains…