I have a friend who we have been friends with for 20 plus years met in high school. I’ve left our hometown she hasn’t for the past five years o have watched my friend put on large amounts of weight To where I can tell she’s uncomfortable and embarrassed but would never admit it I haven’t seen her In a year, and she recently sent me a photo of herself, and I was genuinely shocked by how much weight she had put on I’d say 25-30 kilos, a few years ago she had made a comment about being over 120 kilos and with the recent extra weight gain I’m genuinely worried for her health and wondering if I should say something to her it would come from a place of love and concern, but I don’t want to hurt her or upset her or our friendship thanks!!
So I’ve been in your friend’s position. And for me, it was a very sensitive subject and I didn’t take “advice” from friends very well. Even though I knew deep down they were just trying to help. I got defensive and just avoided seeing them altogether thinking they were just judging me.
If your friend is easily embarrassed, she may close herself off even more if out of nowhere you message her saying you’ve noticed how much weight she’s gained. I’d start with asking her about how she’s feeling, what’s been up- things like that. Wait for her to open up about it first like “Oh man, I’ve been so stressed and putting on so much weight”. Or whatever the case maybe. Then I think that’s a safe opening for you to have a conversation with her.
My sister would offer to do things with me. Hike to see an amazing view, or walk with me to take my child to the park so I could have adult company. It worked for me just having her there and knowing I wasn’t being judged but she cared enough to go through it with me. Good luck.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My friend has gained a lot of weight and I am concerned for her health: Advice?
So I’m personally a bigger girl my best advice is if someone invited me to the gym and said hey I need a workout partner I wouldn’t be offended at all I would definitely go so maybe approach it that way
Ask her if everything is ok. Then nicely tell her you are worried about her. And wait to see what she had to say.
Maybe there is some emotional issues going on. Maybe she has health issues that are causing the wt gain. Maybe some medicine she is on is causing this
But whatever, listen to her, be there for her and don’t judge her
Uh… you don’t think she’s aware? Why is it that skinny people feel the need to point it out. We aren’t clueless. Mind your business. I’m sure she’s uncomfortable enough without you saying about her “ health “. Call it what it is… you see she looks overweight so now it bothers you and are disguising it as a health concern.
Maybe you could mind your own business and maybe she’s happy. Did you ask her if she’s okay.
Mind your business…smh
A lot of people gained weight during lock downs. It’s definitely rude to say something about it. It’s not rude to say “hey how’s your health?”
If she wants to change it it’s up to her … But I’m sure she doesn’t need someone out pointing it out and making her feel some kinda way about herself… We are already our own worst critics…
Had friends say this to me once in high school and it felt horrible I wouldn’t say anything out of respect for your friends feelings
You can say hey I’m trying eat clean and workout and I need accountability partner. But out right commenting on her weight you will put her on defense its not even about the weight it’s about healthy lifestyle
Nothing worse than a friend telling you that you are fat. We can tell when we gain weight, our clothes don’t fit, we see it in the mirror probably before anyone else notices. Those comments hurt and honestly make the situation so much worse. Ask how she is doing but don’t ask why she gained so much weight.
You think she doesn’t already know? Don’t say a word.
Say nothing. What benefit is there for her? It’s her body, I’d assume she’s aware and it’s her business.
Doesn’t sound like your good enough friends to ask this question since you don’t know how she got to that place. I’m sure she’s very aware. Ask her to go for a hike or something to hang out and exercise.
Girl no… Stay in your lane. I love how you threw in the part about you leaving your hometown but she hasn’t. We get it… You think you are superior.
As a bigger girl, I can assure you 100% that your friend is absolutely aware that she is putting on weight. Even if you try to say something from a place of love, it’s probably going to hurt her feelings. Instead, try having a conversation with her just ask how she’s doing ask what’s been up in her life don’t bring up her weight, she’s been in lockdown like the rest of us, possible depression that’s come along with it, maybe she’s having health concerns, don’t bring up her weight.
She could be goin through depression. A lot of people have during lockdown. For you to point out her weight like that, is just downright rude and mean. It’s not right to bully your friend, all because she is overweight. You never know what someone is goin through. So if you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.
From my own personal experience: I knew I was fat, but someone mentioning it or calling attention to what I was eating only sent me further down the path. Leave her alone.
As someone who lost 209lbs. I WISH someone close to me said something. If you are close then be honest. I gained all that weight BECAUSE I was told opposite of what I really was.
My health took a turn and here I am. Now I’m the person to talk to, be honest, but be there support wise through your journey and way after especially friends/family
Opened my eyes.
Shes got fucking eyes. Close your damn mouth
I bet she’d feel a lot better if she lost your dead weight… You don’t sound like a good friend at all
I’m in the same boat myself. I know I’m overweight and I have had a bunch of health problems that caused my weight gain. I would be heartbroken if a very good friend commented on it. I’ve mostly kept my health issues to myself. She may be in a similar boat. Instead of focusing on her weight, ask her to go for a walk.
Something to consider…is she possibly on some medication that has a side effect of weight gain?
Ok so as someone who is heavy set and has had and countines to have people point out my weight is very hurtful and very annyoing we are not blind, dumb or forgot about the weight we dont just wake up and think hey im skinny we dont need to be reminded about our weight when we know what we have to do telling us only makes us feel embarrassed and ashamed and feel less of a human for it and often wonder if because of said size will people not treat us as humans and see past it so I say mind your Business respectly im sure she feels bad enough with everyone gawking at her and saying things to her already
Stay in your lane. Don’t be that person.
I can guarantee she’s aware of the weight she’s gaining. If you say anything you’ll only embarrass her. Especially since it sounds like she trusts you enough to send you a full body photo of herself. Just let her be, she will lose the weight when she’s ready to. Embarrassing someone and making them feel they need to hurry up and lose the weight so people will stop judging them just sets them up for crash diets and other scary habits.
Your either concerned because you don’t wanna go out with her being chunky or your just worried about her health. Oppions are like assholes everyone has one I for one hope your just worried n sorry but if she’d a close friend nope you get all up in her business about most things just like she does yours, not bout Everything but health yes so just be like. How are you mind body n soul. If u need me I’m here
Leave her alone. Your input about her weight won’t help her.
Pointing out the obvious is disrespectful and however well meaning, downright mean. If you think she looks in the mirror and sees a size zero, think again. As a friend, ask about how she is emotionally. This is the root cause.
I put on so much weight, and now I’m struggling to get it off because no one said anything. My health has suffered from the weight gain. Asking if she’s okay mentally would be a great first step, go into further details to show your concern over her health and well being. Not once have you said anything rude about your friends weight gain. I think it is great that your concerned.
In 20 years I’ve probably gained 60lbs. I’m sure she is aware and already probably hard on herself. As most girls are about their body. I highly doubt she needs to hear whatever you have to say.
She already knows…
No, don’t do it. Just ask her if she wants to go for a walk, go workout with you, etc.
Pretty sure she knows she has gained weight.
She doesn’t need you to tell her.
If you want to try to motivate her maybe suggest that YOU would like to work out and would she want to join
If I was that concerned I think maybe I find out what’s going on in her life be more involved show her u care
You wont say anything she doesnt already know. Thats between her and her doctor your job as her friend is to love and support her regardless
So why be more concerned about her physical appearance rather than her mental/emotional health? Exorbitant amounts of stress, depression, anxiety etc can all cause this. You said you haven’t seen her in a year but it doesn’t sound like you have kept in close touch with her to know if there are things she is currently going through or maybe she’s happier than ever. If it was MY friend and it seemed unusual to me I wouldn’t be concerned about her weight I’d be reaching out to see if she is okay and if she needs anything or would like to plan something together. But focusing and nit picking about her weight isn’t what a good friend would do in this situation.
She is definitely aware of the weight that she has put on. I wouldn’t make any comments to her about it. If she comes to you and want advice, sure. Empower her. But don’t approach that situation. It is the worst feeling having someone comment on your weight
Well you’re a shit friend I’ve gained 60+ lbs in the past year due to medical issues. I’m already self conscious enough about it. Never mind if someone were to point it out to me. If any of my "friends " pointed it out to me I would cut them off. I don’t care how long we have been friends. I felt this post to my soul. I’ve gained mine from serious medical conditions and quitting smoking.
She’s obviously well aware of her weight. How about asking her how she’s doing and being, ya know, a friend? I know I’m fat. People reminding me I’m fat doesn’t make it better.
If she doesn’t bring it up to you then don’t be rude and bring it up. It’s not your place. Everyone gains weight so unless she herself says something directly to you then don’t be that person, you’ll make her feel worse. You think you’re the only one that noticed? I know she knows it and I’m sure she’s hard enough on herself without you adding to it. If she needs your help losing weight or talks to you about it then okay but until then don’t embarrass her. We know we put on weight, we don’t need people telling us.
Hell no. We’ve all gained weight since covid and I would personally be hurt & pissed if someone pointed that out to me! I’m heavier too and am aware of it already. Leave her alone
If one of my friends I was close to started gaining a large amount of weight I’d say something but it sounds like you’ve been gone for a year and haven’t even seen each other so maybe let her bring it up and go from there?
You’re not saying anything she doesn’t already know.
I mean it’s her body her choice and if she hasn’t said nothing about her being sick or if the doctors has told her she is over weigh then you should not worry about her unless you hear it from her that something is wrong with her then have your opinion but if you haven’t heard anything then don’t say nothing
If I gain 50-65 lbs in a year I would want a friend to check in on me. There is no harm checking in on friends to make sure their mental/emotional health are good. Everyone struggles from time to time and can use a good friend to chat with. Rapid significant weight gain (key word RAPID) can be a sign of underlying health concerns or mental/emotional health concerns.
Um no, just no, she knows, trust me. Maybe check on her mental and emotional health… Otherwise, just no
Mind your own freaking business. Do you think she doesn’t know she’s put on weight, I mean come on. I’m sure she already feels self-conscious about it, you throwing it in her face is not going to help the situation.
Absolutely not! We have mirrors and we know what we look like. Saying anything will only hurt her even if you aren’t meaning to, and trust me, being overweight is hard enough on our mentality without it being brought to our attention constantly.
If she’s mentioned her weight to you, then wouldn’t you think shes well aware of her weight? If you were such a good friend, wouldn’t you try your hardest to not make her feel anymore upset about her weight? I mean I’m sure you would be upset if the rolls were reversed, as would anyone else. Stay in your lane and be a friend.
Get a set of earphones and ask her to walk with you in the evenings and you can both walk and talk on the phone as you do…it works. My bestie and I walk/talk every evening and we’re in two different states! It’s fun and good for both of us whom neither like to exercise alone.
Honestly it’s not really your place or your business on why she put the weight on. If you genuinely care about her act like the weight isn’t an issue and try talking to her more and having that line of communication more open. I’m sure she knows it’s an issue and when she’s ready she will open up to you. Just make sure you provide her a loving, judgment free space for her when she’s ready
No. Absolutely not. Coming from you would make it 10x worse. She’s definitely not unaware of her weight gain, and you pointing it out would do more harm than good. If you value the friendship, say nothing and let her make her own decisions regarding her health. If she asks, thats one thing, but unsolicited…steer clear.
Trust me if anyone knows she’s gained weight it’s her. I doubt your criticism will make her feel any better and it might actually do the opposite and send her into a depression causing more weight gain.
Why do people think it’s okay to point out someones weight?? Unless she’s sitting on you it’s none of your business.
She definitely knows she’s gained weight . Imo do not say shit !
She probably already feels a way about the gain .and she doesn’t need someone else pointing it out !!!
I’m sure she’s aware so pointing it out is just going to sound bad. Check on her mental health though, maybe try chilling with her more and do something active. Every time I’ve gained a lot of weight it was almost always stress. I just wasn’t going out, doing anything other then work etc. Also remember that she could have a health problem causing the weight gain, like her thyroid.
Best to just stay in your own lane, friend. If you go to the gym, invite her to go with you. But don’t make it apparent you’re asking her because of her weight. If she wants to talk about it she will.
She is aware of it so no need to comment. It will only make her feel worse.
She may be depressed. Try telling her u wanna loose weight but u need a friend … even if it’s virtual. Send each other pics of your workout. Or workout online together. Change her mindset.
If u do tell her upfront… be as sensitive as possible. Who knows what’s really happening behind closed doors
I’m pretty sure she is aware of her weight. You don’t have to let her know.
I’m sure she knows
She knows she’s gained weight. Brining it up, even out of concern for her health, will likely bring problems and strain your friendship. She may have health related reasons for the weight gain as well. The best thing you can do is support her and show her you care without bringing her weight into it.
Maybe she has a sickness what make her gain weight. Her feelings would be so hurt if you said something about her weight and you would probably loose a friend. Let her say something first. A real friend don’t just point out problems.
Depends on how she is feeling about herself if she will be receptive, but if she is going through emotional issues, I would be a friend to let her know you are there for her and just be there for her. Also, any medication she is taking may cause weight gain. Continue to be her best friend.
I’m sure she has a mirror and is capable of looking in it. No matter if the words come from friends, family or foe, they hurt. Nobody wants to be told they’ve gained weight and look bad.
Whatever you’re thinking about saying to her , don’t. She knows
LOL! Are you for real??? If you admittedly know she is embarrassed about it then I highly doubt she needs your “loving” input. Sooooo many reasons people put on weight. No one needs to be told about it.
If you have noticed her weight gain, so has she. She doesn’t need to be told by you. If she seems uncomfortable or embarrassed, my guess is she didn’t gain weight on purpose and is probably trying to find ways to get the weight off. If she’s not, that’s fine too. Let her live her life without your comments. There are many reason she may be gaining weight, but that’s between her and her doctor.
She knows perfectly well that she’s gaining weight. It’s HER body. She has been living in it since she was formed. She absolutely knows what’s changing on her body. It sounds like it’s making you uncomfortable for some reason and YOU need to look into the why behind that idea/feeling that her health is somehow trashed because of some weight gain.
As someone who was “obese and gaining weight” while I was actually starving myself and dealing with a raging eating disorder, do not open your mouth about her weight.
I had friends and family reach out to me out of concern and the only thing it did was trigger even more destructive behavior on my end.
If she wanted you to talk about her weight, she would talk to you about it or bring it up. To think you should basically tell your friend that you’ve noticed her getting fat tells me that you don’t understand what it means to be bigger. You get treated differently, people are more likely to judge you or be rude. People make assumptions about your health based on your body(what you’re doing now) when in reality, you can be bigger or gain some weight and still be healthy.
She will likely be embarrassed or angry and will also likely view you as someone who is being judgmental rather than caring.
Changing your own lifestyle or working on yourself happens when YOU want it, NOT when other people suggest it or believe you need it.
I mean no insult to you personally…people think they are coming from a “good place”, because you do care and are worried, but it won’t make her feel cared for at all.
Speaking from experience, it just makes you feel so much worse than you already do. Don’t you think she knows? You said she’s made comment about her weight so she’s well aware.
For me, it just sent me into a spiral of even lower self worth than I already had/have.
Just be a good friend, ask if she’s OK? Perhaps she’ll open up the conversation with you and you can offer some helpful suggestions then, or let her know you’ll support her and love her no matter what.
Always be kind. You don’t know anyone’s full story.
She’s not blind mind your own business you have know idea what her health issues are try working on improving your self
I bet she already knows that she’s overweight. You pointing out the obvious, is only going to hurt her.
I wouldn’t, I was made aware of my weight gain after seeing my wedding photos and of course going up 3 sizes, trust me, she knows. My parents tried to talk to me and it honestly just made me feel worse about something I already knew about and seriously did more mental damage than helped. I’ve since lost the weight and more on my own choosing and she will too if it’s what she wants
Ask her if she has had her thyroid levels checked next time she mentions her weight
I have a friend who gained a lot of wt due to medical and depression. I was living in Missouri at the time and she was in NY. We video chatted one night and I was shocked at how much wt she gained…
I said something to our other friend, cause I wasn’t in the same state…and that friend said ok I’ll start taking her with me to walk every night. My one friend had no idea(at the time) I was the one that set her losing wt in motion. I moved back to NY shortly after I spoke to the second friend. And the night I rolled in town, I went walking with them. She was then made aware of what I had done for her. And she thanked me immensely. The 3 of us have been life long(25+yrs) bff’s. It never matters how upfront we are to each other cause we love one another. And that is a relationship built on trust. Because I was worried for my friend, I said something…setting her up to lose enough wt to be able to walk and talk simultaneously. So I say go for it, and say something…just don’t be rude about it.
For the things you have no control of, i think it’s best if you would just keep it to yourself because you might ended up hurting her if you proceed in telling her that. Anyway, she will tell you the reason behind when she’s ready i guess. If she is also worried about it.
I’m sure she is more aware of the weight she has gained more than you
I’m sure she isn’t stupid and she is well aware of her weight. Telling her does nothing except make her feel bad and makes you look like an asshole. Instead why not invite her out to go walking with you? Do you have a beach or river walk near you?
Don’t say anything. Seriously. Just don’t.
Mind your business! Weight is a very touchy subject, I wouldnt want anyone to tell me anything especially when I havent asked.
The farthest I would go is offering to hangout and go for a walk around town or a gym buddies but if you haven’t seen her in a year I’d leave it alone.
That’s screwed up. Most likely she knows why it’s happened. A better idea is to be there for her more and maybe she’ll get comfortable opening up about it and express her goals. Then you simply help her meet her goals and be encouraging. Anything else is her doctors job. Not yours.
Just because it bothers you doesn’t mean it bothers her. Leave her be.
Don’t say anything. If she brings it up, okay, but otherwise that’s being an asshole. She probably already feels bad about it
Ask her to have her thyroid checked… just to be safe…
it could be a real medical issue and not just her gaining weight due to eating…
Personally I gained weight after my third child… I knew I did…but I didn’t realize it was THAT much until I saw the number.I eat pretty healthy most days. I am pretty active as a mother of 3 young children…
Turned out I have hashimotos autoimmune disease. My thyroid wasn’t functioning at all. My metabolism is all messed up along with digestion issues…I’m still struggling to find the right med dosage and foods that won’t cause inflammation and pain …I’m obviously trying to lose weight …it just really fuckin sucks. All of it
Leave it alone. She knows she has gained wait. If she wants to do something about it she will
I am that friend who’s gained a lot of weight. Trust me she knows about her weight gain and for you to bring it up her would probably hurt her a lot. I have PCOS and it took me awhile to figure that out. IF SHE brings it up maybe help her figure out if there’s any medical problems. I am currently on my weight loss journey and I’m working so hard, having people who love me for me any size is what keeps me going. She needs to lose the weight for herself, not you.
Stay in your lane……. She is aware of her weight gain……
Dang and I thought I was brutal…
First, I think it’s great you are seeking advice on how to approach a situation your in. That shows you care about her and her feelings. With that being said tho, I do agree with the comments. She’s talk about it if she wants. And It’s better to ask someone to work out with you then it is to point out the obvious.
She knows but a friendly talk to help let her no your concerned. How bad the weight is on her heart. She could be depressed and finds food her friend. Maybe her thyroid is out. That can cause weight gain.
Is your friend blind? No? Then why do you feel the need to point out somethjng she is obviously aware of? White knighting skinny people shit me to tears on this issue, pull that your damn head in and look at your own flaws.
Seriously? The only scenario where it would be appropriate for you to say something to her would be if she brought it up to you and asked for suggestions of what she could do, other than that you should really leave it alone
i’m sure she knows. you don’t need to point it out.
i’m so confused by these comments, aren’t you friends for a reason? if my friend gained an abnormal amount of weight suddenly, i would start by asking about their health. maybe not say, “wow you’re getting fat” or anything along those lines. more so of how are you doing mentally or emotionally, i’m here if you need me, etc. that’s what friends are for y’all!
If it was any of you business she would tell you why shes been gaining weight. Maybe she’s in a unhappy place, or she has a health problem, but she definitely don’t need you pointing it out. Like all these ladies said she is aware she’s gained weight no need to make her feel any bigger then she may feel. I know this because I’ve been there.
You aren’t her doctor, leave it be. She is the one who lives in her body so you aren’t any more aware of her weight than she already is. Maybe there are health issues contributing, maybe there aren’t but at the end of the day it isn’t any of your business to bring up her weight.
Definetly tell her in the nicest way possible. I was heavily overweight and my bestfriend asked if we should gym together, she’s skinny as. But I wasn’t comfortable with that so I home gym with her. I’ve lost over 30kg in the past 16 months.
I always knew I was a fat ass lol, but It never mattered to me until someone pointed it out. Now I am at my happiest
Not every girl will agree with me but I for one was a big bitch and I am still trying to lose the weight
If you live near her, invite her to walk with you or such. I’m very overweight, due to medication and medical issues. I want to go walk but don’t have the motivation without help. I would also love for someone to meal prep with me. If you are not in a place where you can help then don’t say anytime her. She knows