My daughter just turned 5 in January. She has ADHD, ODD & I suspect she’s Autistic as well but won’t know till I get her evaluated by a different doctor. She does mess up a lot. She makes mistakes. I myself suffer ADHD, depression, and anxiety & as an adult as make many mistakes some very serious. I take that into consideration with my parenting her. I don’t lash out, freak out on her or scare her. Now to get to what I want everyone’s opinions on. We were at a friend’s. They let her use their virtual reality headset. She took it off her head and dropped it on the ground (carpeted). They had said oh it’s fine it’s been dropped before. Turned out no, it wasn’t. The headset got the black screen of death. When this happened, we told her very sternly, “you can’t do that, you could break it” she got privileges like tv taken away. She had also told them she was sorry. When they realized it was really broke. They were upset. Obviously, they also said they didn’t think it fair how she just got away with it with no consequences now I’m being asked to pay $50, which I am. However, they act as if I didn’t punish my daughter & that she got away with it. No one knew till 2 days la,ter that it caused the headset to stop working. they also act as if I never punish her and basically say I should beat her ass because they got their asses whooped as children. (note they have no kids). How they stated, it made me feel low and like a POS mother. Her father feels this is disrespectful. He sees her as still learning, not understanding fully what she did & feels they are taking it out on her when she’s only a child. They pointed out how if they broke something of ours, they would replace it, but it occurs to me their pet damaged a property we are renting a few years back and never did anything to replace it. So really that’s not true. Would this break a friendship for you? Do you feel they overreacted? How would you handle this?
If she took it off and threw it across the room aggressively and on purpose, that’s a different story but if she just dropped it on the floor I’m sure she didn’t mean to do it, and she’s FIVE. No one can tell you to spank your child. I personally believe some kids needs to be whooped but it’s nobody decision but the mother and father. If my friend acted that way they wouldn’t see me or my child anymore.
First of all, she is 5. Anyone who gives a 5 year old a VR headset should know that there. is a chance it could be dropped. 2nd of all, you are the parent, not them. You discipline your child how you see fit. And I would make that known to them. And 3rd if you are replacing it then pay them and I’d steer clear of them.
She’s 5 
they chose to give a 5 year old something that they would be upset over breaking. Then say “oh it’s fine, it’s been dropped before.” Well that just tells me it was probably on its way to breaking anyway. It’s not up to them to decide how you punish YOUR child. IDC how close my “friends” are I’d tell them to mind their own business. They can ask you to pay a little but have no right to speak in your parenting.
This is your child not theirs. If you are being responsible to pay for the damages then that is all they need to worry about. They have no say in how you should or should not discipline your child. You took privileges away and she was talked to. I would.not take my child there anymore if they will be like that. Like I said, they have no say in discipline. That is between you and your husband. You paid them so that is as far as they need to be involved.
I’m not sure she should have been punished at all unless she threw it out of anger or frustration then its more of a issue with working off to pay for the thing she broke.
Since they don’t have kids it’s probably hard for them to understand punishments. I wouldn’t unfriend them over it. But I’d help them Understand that she is your child and you will punish as you see fit. If you’re paying for it, it shouldn’t matter anyway. Kids make mistakes, how else will they learn if they don’t.
End the friendship. They won’t let this go and no one should tell you how to discipline your child, especially when they think you should be physical toward your daughter.
You should get new friends because those sound like assholes 
They’re not paying your bills or raising your children so ignore them and maybe stop the “friendship” if it bothers you so.
Kids break things…our daughters friend broke her new Christmas toy first time used…ehhhh…its just stuff we didn’t make them pay
Regardless of anything else that you stated she’s 5. Kids drop and break things all the time. She didn’t do it on purpose so why would you beat her for that? I think you handled it fine.
Your child, your rules. You also took responsibility and agreed to pay, you also disciplined the way you do and took away things AND had her apologize. Every child is different. Hope you punish your child isn’t their business
You paid for the device. It should have ended with that.
I personally would drop those friends. Anyone who interjects on how to parent MY child, will get thier ass chewed or cut out, real quick.
If she threw them then yes I would have spanked my daughter. Now, if she dropped them by accident then no I would not punish her but she would get a talking to about being careful. If she dropped them for being reckless and not thinking then I would take away privileges. That’s me though. You are paying them back for it and that’s good if they aren’t just saying they broke and using it as an excuse to get money. Hopefully not. But either way it all depends the situation.
It really sounds like they are not good friends to you or your family and you should deal woth then if you have too and especially since they have no kids they would not understand that she was disciplined I do believe in whooping but i also believe in talking to a child whooping is not the only solution to every situation
ild be sending them info on ur daughters isusses and say now this y i handle her different
Well as stated by others she is 5. But also think if it was an accident there doesn’t “need” to be consequences. Tel them that’s not how it’s done w your child so that’s that
NEVER TAKE PARENTING ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO IS NOT A PARENT.
Honestly. They have no fucking idea. Don’t take their opinion to heart.
Here I thought you were going to ask if you were being to hard on the punishment… THOSE PEOPLE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. As far as repayment of property… did they insist she try it out? Or were you specifically asked if she could?
-
They let a child play with them. It’s great that you’re willing to replace it, but they should know better than to give a child a fragile expensive electronic device. Did anyone tell her “hey these can break easily, we will let you play with them, but you have to promise to be gentle” Personally, I wouldn’t feel obligated to pay them. But it is a courtesy as it was your child who broke it.
-
You punished her. She lost a privilege. What more do they want? Yelling solves nothing. It simply creates anxiety.
-
are adults seriously freaking worried about “fair”?! Tell them to grow up
It’s doesn’t even sound like she had a tantrum. Sounds like she just dropped it. Why would you punish her for that? Definitely pay for it. But I wouldn’t be going over there anymore and those friends could kick rocks. They don’t sound much like friends to me anyway
It sounds like a simple accident. Kids drop everything lol considering they don’t even have kids I’d definitely take any opinion from them on that with a grain of salt. She didn’t deserve a whooping for an accident. You just keep doing what works for you and yours
They’re definitely overreacting…accidents happen…kids especially drop things …shit i still drop things …i hate when my kids have a friend over my house and they spill something n i can see the look of terror on the kids face…i can always tell who screams at kids for small reasons …i think i would pay 50 dollars to replace it but id also drift away from the friendship
If it took two days to discover it, how do they know it was because your daughter dropped it? If you all knew it was dropped, I would have checked it out right then and there. I am sure they do not understand the issues you are dealing with. I do have a child on the autism spectrum, so I do get that a normal punishment will not work. I would give them the $50 dollars, but they also have some responsibility for allowing your daughter to use it and not supervising it’s use. Damage is a possibility anytime you let someone use something, let alone a 5 year old.
First of all, accidents happen and she’s 5, BUT if it wasn’t “discovered” for 2 days after she dropped it, whose to say that she even broke it and something else didn’t happen in those 2 days? I think how you handled it sounds reasonable and the fact that you are replacing the item is the right thing to do if your child did in fact break it. I think I would just tell them it was an accident, she’s been disciplined how I see fit and I am replacing the item so if you would please mind your own business and not try to give me parenting advice that’d be great lol
How petulant of them! That poor little lamb didnt do it maliciously! Defend your daughter and tell them to stick their 50 dollars up their butt. It was an accident - it happens with children x
Id keep my $ and say good bye. You nor your daughter did wrong, if its that valuable do not let a child see/play/hold it.
It’s on them! They decided to let her use, knowing she’s 5 & kids drop things. I wouldn’t beat my kid if she accidentally dropped my laptop “bcuz I let her play with it, even though I could happen)
Um its not their kid so not their business. I could understand if they thought you were doing too much like abusive. But no thats the best way if you ask me ! Youre setting her tone for life right now ! The way she reacts and etc. To an extent obv.
Who allowed her to play with it? Them? They are totally aware that she is a child. And if the didn’t say anything to stop her. Then I feel they are just as guilty. As far as whipping her…HELL NO! All that teaches a child is that hitting is ok.
Get new friends. She’s 5. With possible developmental issues. And you agreed to pay for the damages. Which is ridiculous because again… she’s FIVE.
Pay them the $50 and consider it money well spent. It only cost you $50 to realize your friends are jerks. I’d walk away.
As a moth of a kid with special needs spanking isnt the answer u did what was right by having her say sorry n taking somwthing away
How can they go from “oh its fine” to “you need to whoop your child”? They need to back off. Anybody that hands a VR to a child is accepting the risks, you are being nice paying part to replace it. Otherwise, any parenting advice needs to be kept to themselves until they actually have kids. Not their kids, not their say.
Diagnosis aside she’s just 5! She had a privilege revoked and you’re paying to replace it. Spankings isn’t the only way to discipline and it’s not always effective for every child. You handled it well.
Drop them 
end of discussion
They were fine with everything until they realised it was broke, so they’re being super petty. You’re paying to fix it, so they need to get over it. It is no one else’s choice on how you parent your children.
I’d pay to fix their stuff, and politely let them know the friendship needs to cease
It’s none of their business how YOU discipline YOUR child. As for the headset I totally understand helping by giving them the 50 bucks but other than that they should pipe down. It’s not like she meant to do it. Shes 5 for christ sake. She apologized and accidents happen all the time. If it was that important to them then they shouldn’t have let a 5 year old play with it.
I personally believe in spankings but not with kids that have disorders like that. And that is YOUR child. As long as u do disapline her, n dont let her get away with evetything, your doin a great job n how u punish her is nobodys business
It’s not your friends child … she’s yours … care what anyone thinks
Eh. Was it a true accident? Did she throw it? Did she just drop it down like she would a toy that wouldn’t break?
I have a 6 year old with severe ADHD (combined) ODD and is fixing to be evaluated for ASD.
The childs “attitude” around it getting dropped is the ultimate for whether the punishment you gave is approrpiate.
If it was an tru accident, a “be careful” warning and apology should be enough.
If she dropped it down like she would a regular toy…privilege removal and apology should be enough. Maybe offer to cover a little bit but not full amount.
If she threw it down because she was upset…even if she didn’t throw it across the room… Then yes. You guys should at least cover half of replacement cost. And she should have privileges and be given extra chores until she “earns” back what she owes.
At least that’s how i would handle it.
I want my son to LEARN from his mistakes, which unfortunately sometimes that means i have to be mean…but i also try to ,be fair. Which is why i always look at his attitude along with the action.
Umm, y’all gave a 5yo an expensive piece of electronic equipment and didn’t properly supervise her.
Maybe they should ‘punish’ themselves by being 100% accountable and paying for it. 
I have mental illnesses and it greatly impacts how I raise my daughter. Sometimes its good because I can also kinda understand and empathize with her but ar the same time I take it any to easy on her. Not really any consequences… I need to change that. I do NOT yell. I cant stand when people yell and it’s not a good way to communicate. I dont spank either. Some parents spank their kids, which I dont agree with but I respect their decision… but when they hit out of anger. That bothers me.
Anyways. I think you’re fine. Lol
My 5 year old son drops his head set…he isn’t mentally able to get the concept to be a bit more careful yet. Why punish a child for an accident !!.
Pay ur " friends" the money and find new ones.
Ur daughter is a child and she did nothing wrong x
I wouldn’t respond to their ignorance, pay the $50 and then don’t hang around them anymore. It was an accident and you handled it and you are willing to pay for it so they should drop the situation. It would be different if she yanked it off and threw it across the room.
Pay the $50 then tell them to mind their own damn business when I comes to parenting your child. 
Shes 5 5 year olds drop things if they allowed her to use it it’s on them and 2 days later who’s to say they didnt break it? I think even the punishment she got was a little stern accidents happen agian shes 5 shes learning
If my child does damage it is my responsibility to pay for it accidental or not that’s just what we do as good people and responsible parents. As for their parenting advice and condescending remarks I would be hurt as well. I think maybe you need to just pay what you owe and take a break. Might be time to reevaluate the friendship.
With the problems ur child has I agree with what u have done on disapline but as for ur friends they will never totally understand until they have a child or family member who has those problems. I would however pay the $50 and let them know they over stepped the boundaries when it comes to how u control the disapline for the behavior she has. She has to learn and u and ur husband are doing good as for them being friends that is up to u but u need real friends not them.
Whoa. My four year old is as both adhds and odd and has aspergurs. They shouldnt have let her have it. Dont pay that crap. If they dont under stamd special needs than yes break the friendship. Secondly. You can’t discpline special needs same way as some one who has nothing wrong with them. Spanking does work on my son. Being stern and boundrires and routines yes but o.d.d unless you have a child lile that dont even start. If it was expensivie why hell was it out. Kids break things its why you dont let them play with someone that may get broke. Ypur doing just fine. Ive 3 kids and my oldest is 4 also he is pretty much blind on top of those 4 diagnosis.
Pay them back and never talk to them again. You punished your daughter the way you saw fit. They don’t even have kids. RUN AWAY.
First off, she is 5 and things get dropped. Did she throw the headset? If not I dont think it should be made such a big deal out of. Also, if they doesn’t fi d out it was broken till 2 days later how do they know it was from when your daughter dropped it? Also, pay the $50 and be done with them, they have no right to tell you how to deal with your child especially when at first, they said it was not a big deal and that it happens all the time
Kids with ODD dont care about getting they ass whooped hate to say it…try keeping her meds regular and maybe find activities yall can together…
She is 5yr old but mentally, with ADHD, that puts her mentality around being 3yrs old. I say this because my son is also ADHD. She wouldve been too young in my opinion to be playing with it anyway so why did they let her play with it to begin with? Personally i would explain to them that she may be 5yrs old but mentally she is 3 roughly due to her ADHD. Tell them that you are the parent and will punish her how you see fit for her. Yes she is old enough to know better but at the same time, she may not have thought it through as most children with ADHD and ODD lack impulse control as well.
Replace the headset, and move on. Kids are kids. Things break. They make messes. Our job is to teach them crap happens and how to fix things (pay back, clean up, say you’re sorry, whatever) . Rarely does a kid learn from getting beat other than I better not mess up. But who among us is perfect? You are doing a fine job with your kiddo.
Toxic people. Run far far away. Shit happens. Accidents happen. They are not friends
She apologized, you are paying the $50 bucks, in my opinion just getting a 5 year old to say I’m sorry means you are a good mom
I will choose my some over the world. Friends will come and go.
Eh… I highly doubt she “dropped” the headset on carpet and it broke. I’m thinking more along the lines of she got mad and threw it (per the ODD)… pay for a new set and don’t let your daughter use other people’s things, even if they say it’s ok.
I think your “friends” are not friends. They sound awful and it’s very nice of you to pay them…but I would never tolerate someone telling me how to raise my child and acting so inconsiderate. Walk away and dont look back.
I am not sure i would end the friendship over it. It would depend on how long the friendship has been. And they may not know about the mentality age being different due to her “disabilitys” as well so they may not understand that. Even as my son has it, i did not realize it affects their mental age until a little while ago and my son is 7 almost 8.
Just pay them and tell them to mind their own business on your parenting #1 they aren’t parents #2 even if they were they need to stay in their own lane on YOUR parenting #3 coming at you 2 days AFTER THE FACT doesn’t really give you any facts your daughter broke anything after their pet broke something of yours and they didn’t pay you anything so tell them to take the money and never call you again
Parent your child as you see fit! Sounds like you’re doing a great job.
They said to start with its fine its been dropped before and then two days later say its broken and you shpuld woop her ass? They sound like a bunch of wankers
They shouldn’t have given it to her to play with. It was their stupidity that led it to be broken. I would pay for it but I wouldn’t talk to them again. They’re not good people.
Your friends are asshats.
If she threw it down that’s one thing… But either/or the so called friends are wrong and not ur friends. Pay the money and explain it was a accident!!! Cut ur losses and move on!!! 
Being sensible I wouldn’t really want my kids playing with something expensive like that if she didn’t understand not to drop it regardless of the flooring. As a parent knowing your child doesn’t understand things can break you should have stepped in and not let her play with it. However at 5 kids understand the concept of not breaking things and I would have definitely told my kid off if she disrespected someone else’s stuff like that, not smacked them but got a stern talking to. End of the day you allowed your kid to play with that she broke it so pay up. Your friends don’t have kids so clearly don’t understand how kids work but being the parent you do and you still allowed your kid to play with it regardless.
Its gonna be an ugly sticky situation. You parent how you see fit and they can too. Maybe talk to your daughter and say when playing with others things to be a bit more careful how she handles them. At the end of the day it’s you kid and your choice how ya do it not theirs.
If she dropped it on a carpet would t break it. Mabey from e everyone dropping I gets was just the last of it that broke it for good. Your paying them. And WHY would you punish her if it was an accident. Sounds more like she threw it so you punished her. If just dropped you need to have a talk with her and say sorry and do do etching special with her. No need to spank her. Nit no need to explain her condition if they are your real friends they would already know.
Screw them. Those are definitely not real friends. Keep them away from your child too! I would cut them off and give them nothing. Pricks.
They overreacted big time. I can see asking if you could compensate them for the headset since it was your daughter’s mistake breaking it but they have no right to tell you how to discipline your child. I wouldn’t personally discipline my child for an accident anyway.
I’d get rid of the so called “friends”!
Why let her use it in the first place if you going to act like that
My grandson is 5 and big for his age, clumsy and doesn’t know his own strength and something always gets broken when he is around. They shouldn’t have let her play with it.
It was an accident she was 5 fgs. Yes she needs to learn to be careful with stuff but i should imagine shes probably upset its broke.
Lol well I mean your kid broke their stuff… you should of offered to pay for it well before they asked.
As far as how you discipline, that’s your business but I wouldnt expect an invite back with your kid.
You acknowledged her behavior (dropping headset instead of putting it down nicely) your replacing the item and she lost a privilege. As a mom I honestly don’t see why this incident required any other approach
Tbh yes you should replace it. But it was an accident IMO a child shouldn’t be punished for an accident. Saying sorry yes but not be punished. She accidentally dropped it. I drop stuff all the time. It happens
If she dropped it on purpose like threw it down then I’d say she doesn’t know how to respect things. In that case, wiiiiiith my ADHD child, I take away the expensive things and he has to earn them bsck by showing respect for things. If it’s an accident then hey it’s an accident. It’s a symptom of impulsivity and shows that she did not thing of the consequences of dropping it. (Thiiiiiiis is also relevant for doing it on purpose). You have to walk through that process with her to help her decision making skills develop. I disagree with “beating their asses”. They’re not bad kids. They’re just not good decision makers. You parent the way that you feel is right and don’t listen to anyone else.
If you don’t want something broken, you don’t give it to a child to play with. Children are the reasons why we can’t have nice things. You can’t expect a 5 year old child to not inadvertently break something. They don’t understand. Also if anything I think you went above and beyond punishing your child. I don’t think a 5 year old would have expected it to break by dropping it on the floor. I also am not sure they would correlate what happened with losing tv time. Either way, parent as you see fit.
So they’ve never broken a phone accidentally before? accidents happen. Kids don’t need to be punished for it.
You’re friends should mind their own business
- Your friends are asshats. 2. They have no proof the drop from two days ago caused it. 3. Your friends are asshats.
Id tell them to go wank in a sock lmfao
People that dont actually have children always have advice on how to raise them lol
The whole situation aside the way you describe your daughter as ODD ADHD and possible ASD as well as your own issues I can’t help but hear similarities to myself and my son and wonder if you’ve ever heard of or researched PANS/PANDAS recognition and treatment has been great for us 
I would agree, theyre being disrespectful. It’s not their place to tell you how to discipline your child. Make sure you find out what kind of VR headset it was, because there’s a possibility they’re telling you to pay more than it’s worth. Some are hundreds of dollars but others are like 10 bucks. I would it then and never speak to em again.
I’m a believer in spankkngs BUT accidents happen and her dropping the headset was an accident and I feel she shouldn’t be punished for an accident. Replacing the headset due to it being dropped and broken? Yeah. But other than that kids drop things all the time. Shit happens. My 11 yr old son still drops stuff on accident 🤷 hell I’m 33 and I still do. You parent your child how you see fit and screw everyone else. And they are trying to tell YOU how to parent when they don’t have kids?! Lmao no fucking way. I’d tell them where to shove their “parenting”
If they didn’t realize it was broke til 2 days after I would question as to why. Almost sounds like their going overboard to try to blame your child. Yes if something was broken by my child and I knew my child did it I would replace it but my child isn’t being used as a scapegoat 2 days later.
People without kids always like to express there opinions about parenting but dont have the experience necessary to make those judgements until they do dont take there ignorance to heart.
It wasnt a big deal when it happened because it’s happened before BUT it took 2 days for it to be broken? Mmm. I’m calling bullshit. Accidents happen. Shes learning so no I wouldnt punish her further. I would however not bring my kiddo around them any longer as they clearly have some feelings I cant respect.
Nope. Hitting or spanking is never the answer. I have a 13 year old who is adhd, add, and odd. And honestly that would just make her lash out. It’s your child they have no business telling you how to parent. Every parent has a different parenting style. Talking gets better results than hitting. And my question is if they didnt notice for 2 days after your daughter dropped them then how do you even know it was her that did it. Something else may have happened after you left and they are blaming her. I dont know for sure but it is a possibility. But no, I wouldn’t hit her i would talk to her like you do. You got it right Momma!
Tbh I dont think ur overreacting because honestly they know everything she has going on and they could have put it up so she wouldn’t even touch it and they have no right to tell u on how to raise her most autistic children and even some that borderline it have to be raise different beating their asses wont work I have no idea if my child is autistic (he is to young and has no signs) but I wont be beating his ass because I want to raise an adult that learns to communicate instead of using force to get their point across (no bashing ppl who do that’s ur right as parents as long as it’s not abuse or going to far) and they don’t have kids what do they really know about parenting
Tell them to fuck off.
Having children that are different is a tackle and can be challenging. Your child is 5 and if your friends aren’t already aware that at age 5 kids can be rough and rowdy , but a child with ADD ,ADHD And ODD is a whole different challenge, that you are aware of her behavior and you are trying to correct it. I would print up info on her disorders and make a pamphlet for your friends, I then would get the price of the item broken and replace It or take them to buy something of the same value. I would then inform my friends that the behavior is not tolerate nor acceptable and there will be consequences for your child’s actions. I would have my child make a card or drawing depicting her apology and the next you go over to your friends don’t allow your child to touch anything she can be accused of breaking. Take her own toys an activity bag, like the stuff she likes to do. If after providing the info and apologies , and replacing the item and that not being enough they weren’t true friends to begi,n with.
Fine new friends ur kid comes frist
Your friends are fucking delusional! They do not have kids you said so clearly they have no clue.
I really dislike people like that. If you have something fairly expensive that you don
They are over reacting. They were fine until they found out it was broke. You are are paying for it. I agree with husband on this one. She is learning. Might be wise at 5 to make friends electronics out of bounds and bring your own tablet or something.