You can respect your parents and still be your own person. Sounds like your GF isn’t mentally ready to be an adult and make adult decisions if her Mom is still telling her how to live and she follows. Good luck with that.
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You’re partner is going to have to decide if she wants her parents to dictate her life decisions or not and put her foot down you both deserve to be happy together
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My mom was like that, manipulative and controlling. I haven’t spoken to her in 5 years and I won’t, especially now that I’m in a good relationship for the past 2 years.
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This feels to me like she doesn’t want to commit to you for one. She is an adult so if she wanted to, she would. And second, she obviously grew up in a house with a backbone so respect the parents and the way they taught their child, you love the person that she is and she is who she is because of them!
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Number one this is about your girlfriend and not her family. If she wanted something different, she would be working towards that goal. You said if she moved in with you,she would be too scared she wouldn’t be able to see her siblings. My guess she isn’t ready for the type of relationship your ready for.
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You should respect their values. At the same time maybe a vacation is the answer. You can spend time away from them and together.
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Try inviting the parents over as well to spend the night… let them see your home…offer to cook a meal spend an evening together,. I don’t know ,let them get to know you as well.
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I am 42 so is my partner. I am divorced and have 4 kids. My partner and I have lived together for 8 years. When I visit my mother she insisted that my man and I sleep not only in different rooms but on different floors of the house. Religious people have their values and when you are in their home you respect them. The way around it is to not be in their home
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I don’t think you should be pushing this. If she was ready to move out she probably would have, and if there are reasons why she’s not then you need to respect that. If you think her not sleeping over is going to break you guys then maybe it’s not the right relationship for you. Plus I can’t imagine being with someone and their family didn’t like me or vice versa; I’m big on family though so that’s just my opinion.
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Give your girlfriend time. Don’t be the one to put demands on her. When she’s ready she’ll be with you. If in an amount of time ( 1 yr) has gone by and nothing has changed, then it won’t. Also I’m playing devils advocate here but maybe n just maybe your girlfriend is using her parents as excuses cuz she really doesn’t want to move in.
Family can be controlling and intimidating but how long will she deal with this till she says enough is enough and go out n live HER life. Good luck to you. You only live once it’s up to you how u live it.
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Obviously that sucks, but I believe you should be there for her and on her side. Maybe eventually she will get fed up with the way her parents treat her, or maybe she will decide she’s ready to follow or create her own values/traditions etc. Or if it’s something you simply can not handle anymore, move on. I believe it should be her decision with out pressure from you. If they want to pressure her then eventually she will probably push away from them. That’s usually how that works.
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First knowing both your ages would help understand the situation better and to know how long you have both been together. However, This seems like the mother will always be a problem so first you should ask yourself if being with her is going to be worth all the drama from her family forever. If she is then I would be patient but let her know what you need out of the relationship and come to some kind of negotiation. Unfortunately it sounds like she will never want to disappoint her parents no matter her age.
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It sounds to me like you(or you and gf) should have a heart to heart talk with parents and hear there reasons or them hear yours assuming you havent done anything for her parents to not like you, sometimes an open heart to heart conversation goes along way
Just my opinion
If she wants to spend nights with you and her parents have a problem, I suggest that she should get her own apartment. If she’s old and responsible enough to have a man and wants to spend nights with him she is mature enough to get her own place too. Then she would not have to answer to anyone and live as she wants.
It sounds like no matter how old this person is she truly isn’t old enough or ready to be “adulting” on her own. Regardless of how much you want her to do this or that. It makes you just like her parents if you are pressuring her. She is giving you these reasons that she may think are real or they may just be excuses to let you down nicely. Because the truth is when someone wants something they do it, parents or not, And 99% of the time parents will love a kid even when they make decisions they don’t agree with. So, maybe start looking at this from all angles and perspectives. If this isn’t the relationship you need and you’re not fulfilled maybe its time to move on. Maybe this person will see its time to grow up maybe they won’t. But you can’t wait around or force anyone to do anything and or blame or antagonize their family. This is only gna lead to resentment on both sides. Maybe you both need some space to truly decide where to take this.
It’s control because if her mom knows she’s at your house till midnight and you guys are alone to do what ever why does it matter she sleeps over
But at the same time if she’s living with them it’s also respect for her to follow their rules. It doesn’t sound like she ready to move in with you yet since you have afford and she hasn’t which is fine also rushing stuff never ends well
I would say enjoy your time together and don’t worry she can’t sleep next to you yet
If the family doesn’t like you no matter how great you are they have already set their minds which is sad but it happens
- How old are you both? and how long have you been together?
- Have you ever just hung out with her parents and gotten to know them on a personal level?
- You stated that her mother told HER that she didn’t approve of you and your relationship together. Has her mother ever expressed these same thoughts and feelings to you?
- Why is she working 2 jobs?
All in all this sounds like red flags. Red flags everywhere.
Elaborating on how long you two have been together and what she wants would be a great help for advice. There’s always 3 sides to a story yours, hers and the truth. Do you visit at her house? What’s the vibe when you are there? How do they treat you when you guys are all around each other? Does your gf want to move but she’s afraid? Do you just want to date or eventually tie the knot? If she hasn’t been sleeping out previously then maybe it’s not just about you. Her parents house so their rules unless she acts like the adult she is and make the decision to move out or not. The way it sounds, she herself isn’t ready to move out and making excuses as to why she won’t do it without consent in a way. I don’t think you should pressure her though because if she really wanted to she would. Look at your lives and relationship and where you’d both want to be in maybe 2 years time and speak about it. See if you want the same things, what you see for your relationship and if you both have the same goals in life and relationship. This needs to be a discussion not just why don’t you stay the night or you might as well move in etc. Have a talk and see from there.
I feel you need to grow up and respect your gf and her parents. There will be severe consequences of your manipulating and you won’t be able to fix it.
Just because she’s 18, doesn’t mean she is an adult. She is still living at their house. She is their daughter. Therefore she has to follow their rules, and she respects their rules and obviously respects her parents. If you cannot understand that, you will never work out as a couple. You were raised too differently.
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If she isnt ready you cant make her be,parents mean alot to everyone and you just need to decide if you can deal with that forever and if the answers no unfortunately it isnt gonna work out she will always love and want to be around her parents as well as value opinion.
This is common with my culture. That is if you’ve been raised from a very cultural family. Ends well to others some don’t. 18 is still young at a Samoan family and definitely not a age to move out too … if she is Samoan then good luck. She is the key of moving out.
The fact that they dislike you and don’t think you two should be together absolutely means homophobia is a factor. Unless they’ve met you and/or you did something horrible, they don’t have a reason to hate the relationship.
I don’t really have any advice on the living together thing especially since I think staying with your partner a few days at a time before moving in is great and moving in before marriage can sometimes make it easier if you two don’t work out but maybe you two could take a vacation? Could be nice to have the time together without being around her parents and maybe it’ll help her clear her head a little?
If she wanted to live with you, she would be living with you. She has respect for her family. Chill and go at Her pace
She must live there because she can’t afford to live on her own. She needs to move out
It won’t be the death of you - if you love her be patient and wait till she is comfortable making alternate choices. Otherwise you may loose her. It’s very very difficult to have to choose between family and a current relationship.Does not always turn out the way you would like .
Honor her and her parents!!! 
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If you “love her so much” then ask her to marry you.
Sounds like its time to move out. Personally, i dont let anyone come between my relationship. Her mother can not dictate what she does as an adult. Of course certain respect should be held under her roof but absolutely no need to tolerate abuse. Just because shes a religious freak doesnt give her any rights over choices your partner makes. I suggest to ignore the mother, continue to live happy. Move out of moms house and do whatever you both want in peace. She fears getting kicked out, tell her to move out on her own. Working 2 jobs shes not obligated to stay at home. I moved out at 17. Cut toxic people out if your life. Shes not obligated to keep her mother in her life if shes toxic.
Ypu have tp respect that her background is something hwr parents want to impress on her. If you love her it shouldnt matter if she spends the night. When she is ready she will move on to the next stage in your relationship. If you push it, you WILL lose her. Ive had this issue with an ex. Using her parents as an excuse is your hint that she isnt ready. Because if she was nothing on earth would stop her.
I just want to say that the weight of this through her eyes is probably very, very heavy.
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Sounds like your girlfriend is still acting like a kid there for mummy is treating her like one.
Firstly if your girl friend is over 18 legally she is able to have sex she is an adult , it’s her body her choice. She is allowing her mum to make her choices and it doesn’t seem like mum is worried about that.
Secondly she needs to either start valuing your relationship as an adult relationship or other wise your going to battle this shit and it’s only the start.
Personally I would be having the chat with her about where you both stand ins long term relationship and where she sees this going, sometimes people are not willing to Rock the boat for relationships and there for I wouldn’t invest anymore into what will more then likley end in a broken heart,
She needs either to grow up and stand up to her mum and move forward as an adult or you need to realise your girlfriend is still acting like a child and mums wishes are more important to her.
Ultimately it comes down to you and her making a decision. Sounds like either way someone is going to be upset so you and your girlfriend need to decide if it will be the two of you or her parents. While i understand their values I also understand not everyone has the same values and that’s okay!! It sounds like your gf needs to make a decision and then after that you need to make your decision based on what she chooses. It seems to me there just isn’t a happy medium here which is unfortunate. It’s never easy to choose between people you love so please be kind while she has this pressure but also make sure your doing what you need to do for you and being in tune with your own needs and wants.
Well her house, her rules. If you love her enough then marry her. Stick to the parents rules. That’s how they want to raise their daughter. How many daughters do you have??
If you love this girl so much, then respect her and her family’s values and marry her. If you want her to spend the night enough then why not?
She should move into your place and not look back. Just my opinion.
I was in the exact same boat . I chose to move in with my boyfriend
My parents would not speak to me but that was my choice
I suggest you get to her to see a therapist to help work on healthy boundaries.
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She will always do what her mum wants so move on😢
What’s her exact age and ’ culture '? It plays a big role in everything im afraid.
Until she makes the decision you will have to either wait or move on. Either way you need to have serious situation.
I really would’ve led with those last couple of sentences.
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If she moved out and got her own place they wouldn’t know would they
This woman loves you very much. She is protecting her brother and sister. If you want her, start making some permanent plans. The worst thing you could do is pull her away and isolate her from her family, and dump her later. Don’t become a manipulator either. You want to make sure you set aside something and start helping her move in the next 2 years. Get her to go to counseling with you…
If it means that much to you…Put a ring on it!
She should move in her own appointment and be in independent. living on her own before making decisions to move into with you seems to me like you’re trying to make her live with you for you not her. She might not want to move into with you and she’s telling you that it’s her parents. It’s her decision and you should understand You’re asking her to abandon her family to spend the nights with you.
This might sound bad but at some point in life she will have to make her own choice & go against her parents in some way cause some parents want their kids to live the life the parents want alot of kids never get a choice on the matter & from personal experience ur gf will have to make a choice at some point in her life … is it her life or her parents life to live …
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I think you are both still very young to really move in together like you want here. This is a situation where it would be best to wait until things might be more solid either financially or with her family. Rushing her into something no matter your confidence which would seem ill founded. You want to be with or help her and that’s ok but You’re 18 how solid could you be with life in general?
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I literally just went through this and sadly had to let them go 
Unfortunately there isn’t anything you can do. If she’s an adult, working two jobs… she has the ability to move out but clearly doesn’t want to. I’m sorry her parents don’t approve of your relationship or lifestyle. I couldn’t imagine not supporting my child in any safe decision he makes. sadly some people just can’t get past their own way of thinking. If your girlfriend won’t do what’s best for herself, it’s unlikely she will do what’s best for your relationship. So I would sit her down, and have a heart to heart, and if you can’t get on the same page about what your future holds, then it’s time to do what’s best for you.
You are young.
I know you love your gf but sounds like too much bs to deal with…especially if your gf isn’t willing to stand up to her parents and shes old enough to do so.
Tell her… Either grow up and stand up to her mom
Move out of her parents house with you or get her own space.
Or the relationship has got to end 🤷🏻 not worth the stress and fights for months or years just for it to end anyways later down the.road
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You said you love her a lot ?? Marry her ?
Moving in together- without marriage doesn’t make her have stability. Her parents sound like they want her to keep the values they have taught her. Unless you can provide a house, car, insurance, college education, and any other items that are needed along with a wedding band, then stop trying to undermine her parents rules. Try to get along with the parents and you will have a better life. If you don’t like them, fake it. They are in her life forever… are you?
She’s very young and her siblings are probably younger and very controlled. I understand her fear. This is going to take time and your relationship will still be rejected by her mom. Patience is all I can say. 
Tough one. But you may have to reconsider your relationship. She may not be mature enough yet given how afraid she still is of her parents disapproval. She needs to sit down with them and try to have an adult conversation about how they may not approve of her decisions but they are her decisions to make. And she’s dating you, not mom. So her dislike of you is her problem!
That’s up to her… and not that their family values aren’t good, they are great, and many people nowadays get into things too quickly. But she’s an adult so ultimately it’s up to her to do as her parents wish, or move out and do her own thing. It’s not for you to force or try to encourage her otherwise. You can let your feelings be known about it, and that’s about it.
Its simple either she wants to live her own life or live her parents lives as long as she lives in there home there are rules as no matter her age they still see her as a child also her moving out means she accepts the fact she is an adult and shes probably scared about actually making her own decisions maybe she should start by getting her own place an learn how to be an adult on her own before moving in with someone
Wow the amount of gross comments supporting abusive parents it’s astounding!! Calling someone immature or saying “her house, her rules” is foul, especially when that person is being abused and manipulated. It is INCREDIBLY hard to stand up to your abuser, especially when it’s your parent. If this were a domestic relationship everyone would be showing sympathy for this girl and saying she needs support to get out. Double standards. 
A mother like that will always be the problem till she gets her own help. I’ve been there. Shes caught in a bad middle. She has to make the choices. Her mother will also stop at nothing to divide you. But ultimately it’s up to her.
I don’t think the parents are being toxic not allowing their daughter to spend the night at her partner’s place. Sorry I am a mother of 4 sons & I would N E V E R allow my sons to have their partners spend the night & vice versa. At age 18 & still living under my roof, my rules are set. I don’t believe they are homophobic maybe they just see you trying to force their daughter to break their rules. I could never like my sons dating someone manipulative🤷🏻♀️ What you need to do is respect her parents, whether her mom crazy or not that’s her mom, and the rules they have for their daughter. If you can’t respect that, then find a hood partner with ghetto parents who allow them to roam the streets when they please
Go get hitched at the court house then her mom cant say shii🤷
Sounds like the ball is in your girlfriend’s corner. The mom is obviously toxic & the girlfriend needs to cut the cord or you two will never see any peace.
Just be patient. Parents are assholes sometimes. Don’t pressure your girl or you’ll lose her. She’ll figure it all out in her own time.
You’re both over 18, time to move on out of her parents house anyway if they are disrespectful of her , which they are .
The Mother is a Narcissist , grey stone her .
Good luck 
Honestly, if she wanted to. She would’ve already did it. You wouldn’t have to beg her and you wouldn’t have to ask her. It would just be done. If she isn’t making a move. It’s because she doesn’t want to. You won’t have to beg for these things from someone who truly wants to be with you.
My husband and I both agreed to not live together until marriage (fantastic choice). Even thought she is 18 she still has to play by parents rules if living under their roof. She has it made living there, don’t like it? Move out. My parents were like this and I moved out🤷♀️. Seems like an easy fix there is just some things ur gf doesn’t want to put on her big girl panties for.
Honestly I’m sure a lot of people are gonna be upset over my comment but I say get out while you can. Her parents already stated they don’t approve. She obviously can’t stick up for you because she’s afraid of backlash. Trust me if you ever want to get married it’ll never work it’ll be a living nightmare cause the in laws will make it that way and she will never grow a back bone and stick up for you or herself and clearly not her siblings either. It’s one thing to respect your parents boundaries and beliefs but respect and boundaries goes both ways, I could see how it would upset them if she was in and out of all hours of the night but she wouldn’t be, I had a curfew if I wasn’t home at a certain time at night I’d be locked out, so if I were to stay out then I’d have to stay out all night till the next day. Eventually your kids grow up and make their own path and it’s your job as a parent to love them regardless of whom they choose or how religious they are or aren’t. This relationship is doomed in my opinion and you’ll waste years trying to make it work and having the same argument over and over again to no prevail.
This has nothing to do with her parents. She’s an adult, she can make her own decisions. It sounds like she’s blaming the fact that she doesn’t want to move in with you on her mother’s mental illness, which is really shitty.
First of all is in very bad taste to run down the mother of the person you claim to love man don’t do that no one should. Dirty laundry is washed at home. I get it you’re looking for advice but you missed the writing on the wall. She has values wether you like them or not. That is because it’s not in your favour their and her response but you should say NO to yourself no decent girl goes and stays at boyfriends home if you love her respect her marry her then offer her your home don’t treat her like a common tramp because many out there have no morals. Have some common sense just be there for her without pressure or guilt or eventually she will resent you more than the parents as per the mental issues that…is her family it’s quite distadful you spreading it in social media for the world to critize HER MOTHER so you feel good I think you need to grow up and obtain some values it looks to me you need them
You were obviously raised with different values then your gf.
If you love her, be patient. Don’t pressure her.
I’m not old school by any means, some/most women/men still marry for love.
Your obviously young, don’t be in such a rush to play house.
My cousin told his daughters bf if you try n marry or shack up with my daughter without having your 
together, were gonna have issues.
I feel like your girlfriend is ready to commit to you. And she’s an adult, so she should be making her own decisions by now.
Her parents sound toxic if you ask me I have a toxic family for the sake of your relationship and both especially your girls mental health get out it’s not 1900s anymore make your own way live your own life’s n be happy I married a toxic man in secret due to my parents trying to control every aspect of my life even now divorced n with four kids I get told what to do n I don’t live at home I live ten minutes away life is too short leave toxic people family or not n be happy xx
It’s 2021. If parents think you aren’t fucking, they are completely clueless. Deal with the co-dependent issues or find a new gf. I don’t even know if this is a male OP or wtf is happening on this page if it is…
She either moves out or puts up with their rules
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You shouldn’t want her living with you with out marrying her if you aren’t ready to commit and marry her
By the way you worded it it sounds like she would like to move out but is afraid of being kept from her siblings. Dont know why these people don’t know how to read and keep saying to respect her parents. Her parents are obviously old school dick heads who don’t know what real boundaries are. When young family is involved it makes it a lot harder to bail on the toxic ones so its going to be a very tough decision to make if she wants to move on with your relationship. Its something she will have to decide on her own though.
If those are her parents, you need to be respectful of their wishes, just like she is
Definitely fuck her mum
I’m confused. Is her mother’s issue about sex before marriage or she has an issue with her daughter being gay? You said she’s homophobic?
Homophobia- so you are a female?
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Family first! Sorry!
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It’s says you think she is homophobic. So am I to assume you are a gay couple then??
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Homophobia probably does play a part into it too
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Does she pay rent. Does she pay all her own bills. If not there house there rules
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My husband and I lived together before we got married. However visiting them we were not allowed to share a bed. It’s called respect. In the end what’s more important in the long run?
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Why the rush in getting her into your bed? Sounds like bed is the only thing you care about. she deserves better.
Ask her to marry you then. If you’re committed and want her to move in, just do it. Otherwise, why would she throw away her family situation for something unstable? She may have simar values, just not exact. Offer her something worth leaving for. Or move on.
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If she has two jobs she can afford to move out if she don’t like the rules
Some people still believe in the bible and don’t want their children to live in sin
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Resect her family, get a nice home for the two of you and marry her.
If you love her why do just want her to stay a couple of times a month?
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Respect her wishes to respect theirs. She still lives with them. They are set in their ways and if she doesn’t want to live by their standards then she can move out but don’t push her to go against them regardless of them being mentally right or not. It is going to have to be her choice ultimately. If you push or force she may hold resentment when things go badly.
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For what it is worth. When someone has that much power over someone it’s not good for either of you. You have to sit down together and discuss what you want to do. Do you work and can care for her. Are you willing to get married at some point. Is she willing to meet you half way because the way I see it. There is no future for either of you. You are both old enough to do what you want to but it doesn’t seem like she is willing. Her mother is a control freak and believe me it will never work out until she makes up her mind. Been there done that. Look at all the options then go forward…If you love her that much why not get married. Good luck to you both.
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Maybe she doesn’t want to stay over?
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Maybe she wants to honor their values and traditions . Fears and respects her parents
18 is not a magical number to be an adult A good relationship is a lot more than sex…
Why are the parents toxic? Maybe he is
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There was a lot of talk about what you want, but not a single word about what your girlfriend wants. Does SHE WANT to spend the night at your place or is that just what you want? Maybe her parents don’t like you because they feel you’re being pushy. Maybe I’m wrong, but the tone of your post makes it sound like you push to have things your way without considering others. Your girlfriend’s family will always be her family, so don’t create an unnecessary rift over something temporary. Be supportive of your girlfriend, her relationship with her parents, and most of all, her needs and wants. It’s not all about you.
If you really love her ask her to marry you.
Step up. Her family will except the relationship is it’s a real comment.
That’s hard. She probably feels as though she has to choose between you or her family. My advice would be to not at all force her to decide. Just be supportive of her, don’t push her in any direction. Let her know you’ll love her no matter what. Unconditional love is lacking at home. It’s how I came to decide to stay with my husband when my family pushed me to leave.
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If mother is like this now, imagine if you are married. Step back and let daughter deal with it first. Once daughter decides, rest will be easy.
If you want to be with her, you’re going to have to put up with the BS until she’s able to be independent. If you don’t want to put up with it, there’s really nothing you can do to fix someone else’s family if they’re not capable of standing up for themselves and setting their own boundaries except for removing yourself from the situation.
- The mother doesn’t have mental issues as in mental issues out of our control that need help, she is just manipulative asshole ON PURPOSE. And that can’t be fixed because toxic people can’t be fixed. 2.So, I guess their problem is not sleeping with you in the same bed during the night? What’s the difference with sleeping with you in bed during the day? Lol, they live in a bubble. 3. Tell her to lie that she will be staying at a friend and stay at your house. If the parents are manipulative, she has to work her way around the toxicity. 4. If the siblings are so brainwashed that they will cut off their sister because she is living her life, I wonder why she would wantto have contact with this kind of people in the first place. Ignore the crazy mother, lie and do your own thing.