My girls father has stopped seeing them: Advice?

So I have a question my girls dad hasn’t tried see them since Christmas. I’ve told him time and time and again to keep in contact with them even if he just calls them! We had a problem around the time he stopped see them due to his new gf saying bad things about my daughters aunt infront of our girls, calling her the B word and other messed up things. My daughter came home crying and telling me about this and I addressed it ! And told there dad he could not take the girls around his new gf any more! This is not the first time my daughter has came to me with concerns about her dad and his gf she said they fight a lot when my girls are there and will be screaming at each other in the car while driving like maniacs! My girls said they where scared and crying! I talked alot of crap to them and since then I told dad he could only see the girls supervised but he just stop having contact with them all together … he won’t even acknowledge my girls if we see him in public! My girls are so upset about this but I already messaged him multiple times about talking and seeing the girls and he only will call one time and never again! I’m tired of feeling like I need to force him to make any effort in being a dad my girls are 9 and 7 and he’s never don’t anything for them … but today he has asked when can he see the girls what do I say I’m not going to just be mean and say no you cant since you can’t even acknowledge them in public but something inside me wants to do bad …

134 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My girls father has stopped seeing them: Advice?

At the end of the day they need n want their dad’s love so despite his childish behavior if he’s finally reaching out let him see them.

3 Likes

Let him. It will be good for your kids. They can tell their dad they hurt

1 Like

If they want to go see him then allow them to go see him but if they do not feel comfortable then don’t force them. You and dad also need to set some boundaries and come to an understanding of respect for your kids. You can’t force the relationship with them and definitely don’t drive yourself crazy about it either

6 Likes

Go back for more CS if he’s not going to take them when he should and document everything and get your kids in therapy

2 Likes

Let him but make it clear its not a one off thing u want consistency regular contact or nothing I am in the same boat.

You need to protect your children from toxic situations. And if you are concerned and the girls have told you about their fights in front of them and they are uncomfortable… I would not allow visits. Your kids safety should be priority over his feelings

10 Likes

As much as you want to that only hurts the kids more BC it potentially stops them from seeing him, and if he’s willing, and they want to, why not… so say something like, when you make time to come by and see them, they’re upset you really should see them and talk with them, I’m sure it’d make them feel better.

2 Likes

Is there a court order? Ask the girls what they want. If they want him around, take it to the courts for supervised only.

7 Likes

Let him see them this time but I would have a discussion w/ him about it prior. Tell him it’s not okay that he thinks he can just go in & out of his childrens lives when it’s convenient for him to do so. Tell him that he needs to be a constant & if he can’t make it happen just don’t bother.

1 Like

Im sorry but he sounds toxic and that’s NOT ok for kids. Kids dont need toxic “parents” who come in and out of their life. My ex has had NO contact with my son or me in over 2 yrs! NO way would I let him see him now! So but he’s done!

1 Like

He can visit them at your place. Once you said that he was driving crazy, that’s it, no more driving your daughters ANYWHERE.

2 Likes

Leave it up to the girls

2 Likes

I absolutely wouldn’t myself. If he makes them feel like shit constantly AND IGNORES THEM IN PUBLIC, then fuck him. Seriously.

Let those children see their father. Girls need their dads

1 Like

So what. Let him be. Don’t lie to your kids about him caring. And don’t say. “daddy loves you” if he loved them. He’d be there. Don’t talk bad about him. They’ll figure out the truth. Don’t force someone to be in their lives

5 Likes

I think that you shouldn’t stop him from seeing them. However, I would advise to do it in a public place without the trouble girlfriend. If they are having problems, she shouldn’t be the reason to stop being a father. And secondly, he should protect is children and don’t argue in front of them. You should take any proof and take him to court to resolve any matters. If you both can’t do it between you both; a mediator would be the best.

1 Like

My ex did this to my kids. I have four kids. I gave him many chances to see them which usually caused my son to act out . I stopped him from being around. Which the state didn’t want him alone with the kids. You do what is best for them.

1 Like

How about a court order?

Let him now but if he wants to keep playing this in and out their life thing it be best not to see him at all cuz that does more damage. Just let them see him and see how it goes from there.

2 Likes

A sometime daddy is not better than no daddy. I know what I’d do for my children is that situation

4 Likes

Let him see them do not punish your kids but if he has GF and stuff happens he will not see them

1 Like

You need to give him strict boundaries picking them up and dropping them when he feels.like it aswell as all the stuff with his gf will only end up messing with their heads in the long run !! If tje kids are good to see him let them if he messes up again or leaves them cut all ties his loss

You cannot tell the father who he can have around his children

2 Likes

My daughter dad also stop seeing her, and untill he make an attempt to xa or come see her, it’s his loss.

1 Like

Like it or not if him and his gf gets married she will be their stepmom — and if you do telling him this and that - he can go though court that will sit up visits ----and after that if there is any drama either you or them go back to court with videos or recording

1 Like

Sounds like you are pretty controlling. You have no say on where he can take them, who he can have around them, or if he has to have supervised visitation. Just let the kids go see their dad. That way in time they can make their own decisions on how they feel about him without your input. Maybe it is you he doesn’t want to deal with when seeing them in public. I don’t really know. But if you keep trying to control his time with them your kids will see that and eventually feel some type of way about you for it. Just saying

10 Likes

Fuck his feelings. What do your girls want. It’s May…he hasn’t seen them since Xmas? That would be a no for me but ask your kids if they even want to see him…because you don’t have to let them go.
Girls absolutely need their dads. But they need stable, consistent, mature, loving dads.

Reckless driving with kids in car, screaming and fight in car with kid. Poor kids in car crying! My kid wouldn’t be going anywhere. I would go to court file for supervised visits only!

Good. He stepped out so a real man can step in

1 Like

So you’re mad cause you ran him off for doing something offensive and he didn’t choose your ultimatum you gave of his girls over his girlfriend. And not after all the times that you called him and practically begged him to contact the girls, he is finally asking for them and you’re confused about what your answer should be? :woman_facepalming:t4:
Stop trying to control him. This is more your fault than his and again you’re trying to get in between him visiting his girls because he’s not doing things your way. Got over yourself. Stop trying to act like this is all for your kids when it’s actually about you feeling like you can leverage those kids to make him do things your way. You obviously lost that war of y’all aren’t together and he’s got other females in his life.

4 Likes

I’d let him see them yes but set boundaries

1 Like

Unfortunately you and the court cannot force someone to be a parent. Sounds like your girls would be better off without him and his toxic environment.

4 Likes

Don’t force him to see or talk to them and find out how long he has to go without seeing or talking to them before u can get him for abandonment and then do it ur girls deserve why better then him 

Is there a court order in place? If so then legally you have to hand them over. If not then I highly suggest obtaining a court order. You cannot , without the courts saying so, control whether it’s supervised or not. Take it from someone who was petty Betty, pick your battles. If they are putting your children in danger then I suggest you bring it to the courts attention.

At the end of the day you cannot force him to be a father. Children hurt more with Peek a boo dads.

5 Likes

Obviously the girlfriend is more important so I just wouldn’t even push the issue or worry about it until he decides to contact you to see his girls you can’t make him if he don’t want to It explains his character anyway if he can see his children in public and not even approach them and walks by ignoring them stop trying to push it if he wants to come around he’ll come around if he don’t then he don’t

2 Likes

I see women here defending the dad this is why children are so messed up women who are more concerned with a man than their children

7 Likes

Don’t force him to see his girls. Just keep the opportunity open, and eventually the girls will be old enough to see his true colors. Believe Me currently Going through this with my 16 year old.

2 Likes

He either needs to be involved all the time or not at all. Him going in and out is gonna hurt the girls more than anything. Its not your job to make sure hes involved.

3 Likes

My daughters father did the same for years. He didn’t contact her unless I texted him to remind her. When I met her wonderful now stepfather I stopped reminding him and he has now gone years without calling or texting her- not even on birthdays or Christmas. Her step dad is filling that hole in her heart and I pray that one day a new man steps into your life and loves your daughters like his own.

5 Likes

You have to let your children decide not you when it comes to a parent not you.If it’s bad enough they will say they don’t want to go see him But if you make that decision for them you will regret it in the future.

1 Like

Let those kids see there dad. Ur being selfish.
And u should not have said He can’t see them around his GF. U don’t have a right to do that. How would u feel if the role was reversed?
You should have, as a adult, sat down and spoke with ur kids DAD AND HIS GF and said NICELY hey look, the girls have come home crying saying you guys are talking bad ab their aunt and ab you two fighting loudly in front of them. Can you please Not talk bad ab any family when the girls are around and refrain from yelling at each other around them…

Ppl argue. It’s normal. While I don’t YELL at my fiance and he doesn’t yell at me, we do have disagreements. That’s OK. But you trying to be the dictator and tell him who he can and can’t see his kids around, your doing it all wrong. He isn’t seeing them bc he likely DOESNT WANT TO COME SEE U, he wants to see his kids and from ur post- I can clearly tell you would make him stopping by to visit his girls into a very unpleasant experience for all. When the kids get older he’s going to tell them he missed all these years with them bc YOU stopped him from being able to see them. :frowning:
My daughter’s dad is a real POS. I mean a REAL pos. And not once in her 20 yrs have I EVER SAID A BAD THING AB HIM in front of her. She’s her own girl and has her own mind and would form her own opinion when she was old enough, I wasn’t going to influence her.

If your kids dad was abusing them I could understand you stepping in and wanting supervised visits but even THEN it doesn’t HAVE to be at YOUR house. Yall can all meet up at a local park once a week, or McDonald’s. Or they can go to his mothers house to see him etc. Doesn’t have to be your house.

4 Likes

Don’t ask him or force him to see them. If he wants to see them though, I wouldn’t withhold his parenting time. Make sure you regularly tell your girls that the lack of time with their dad is his fault and not theirs, and remind them every day that they deserve the best and that their dad is just not capable of that. I’m sorry you and your girls have to put up with that😞

So, if it’s as bad as you say then she needs to be absent from their lives until they can maintain a healthy relationship together as adults. But if you can find common ground, do so! They deserve their father in their lives. Him not being around is on both of you. He’s not fighting back on your stipulations and you’re not compromising enough. If they’re truly in danger then that’s a whole different conversation.

Make records of all the times and dates of visits he has done and those he missed, records of texts pertaining to it, also any proof of him admitting to fighting or saying bad thing in front of the kids or gf doing it, and take him to court.

My ex-husband did the same to our three sons! Our baby boy was 2when we divorced and he was 21 when he met him again! My sons are wonderful men! They did just fine without him!

2 Likes

Ask the girls if they want to see him, plain and simple , if they say no then that’s that. Don’t text him anymore asking him to contact them that’s his job. When the girls are older they will understand.

Dad needs new mature gf that has enough class to keep her mouth shut.

1 Like

I don’t force anyone to make an effort. My kids dad stepped out of their lives and theyre better off for it :woman_shrugging:t2:

3 Likes

If there is concern for your children safety, seek the assistance of court in ordering monitored visits. If you are withholding the children because you do not feel he is meeting your standards, not visiting enough or do not approve of his gf, that’s not fair to your children. Children should not be used as pawns in adult drama.
Sit down and have an adult conversation with their father, express your concerns, relay the fears your daughters have told you and come to an agreement. When father does call or visit, are you both cordial or do you scold him? Does he scold you? This could be why he does not call or visit.
Put your children in therapy, this will provide them the necessary tools to process how they feel so they do not carry this trauma into adulthood.

6 Likes

My answer is… if there is no court order in place, YOU are in control. He ibviously made it clear that this GF is more important, so I would halt him seeing the girls until you and him sit down and lay down some ground rules. If there IS a court order in place, unfortunately you have to abide by it, but I would petition to get it amended… because obviously he isn’t making seeing them a priority, and that needs to be brought up in court.

4 Likes

Maybe this needs to go through the courts and he have supervised visitation and without the girlfriend around. I hope things get better and praying for your girls

1 Like

Therapy. Family therapy for all. Ideally, dad would join, but that seems unlikely. Give him an open invitation.

A Judge told me, “you cannot force someone to be a father so you take them to counseling, you be enough Mother and Father, and allow the courts to deal with him”

5 Likes

Never force anyone. Let his girls see him for who he is. Besides it is not your responsibility to make sure the other parent parents their children.
Maybe try the Conflict Resolution class at the courthouse. That really taught me how to navigate Coparenting and my place in this new situation.

2 Likes

He only wants to see them now because Father’s Day is coming up next :sneezing_face: I would say no. I don’t care what anybody says kids do not need both parents kids need healthy parents, kids need consistent parents, kids need loving parents, kids need lots of things but a dad who doesn’t want to be there is not one of them. If your girls have already suffered through so much why put them back into it. He’ll just keep doing it…. You never have to beg a good parent to show up :woman_shrugging:t3:

5 Likes

So you said “And told there dad he could not take the girls around his new gf any more!” and “I talked alot of crap to them and since then I told dad he could only see the girls supervised but he just stop having contact with them all together … he won’t even acknowledge my girls if we see him in public!” and “My girls are so upset about this but I already messaged him multiple times about talking and seeing the girls and he only will call one time and never again!” then “I’m tired of feeling like I need to force him to make any effort in being a dad my girls are 9 and 7 and he’s never don’t anything for them” finally “… but today he has asked when can he see the girls what do I say I’m not going to just be mean and say no you cant since you can’t even acknowledge them in public but something inside me wants to do bad …”

So to recap: you told him he could only see his girls if he ditched the gf during the visit, and he called your bluff. Then, you talked a lot of crap to him and the gf and said he could only see the girls under supervision, so he didn’t acknowledge them in public. Again calling your bluff. Then, you messaged him “multiple times” asking him to call them and see them. So he calls and then asks to see them (again, calling your bluff and doing exactly what you told him to do) and you now don’t know what to do? You admit your girls want to see their dad. Let them. Otherwise, they will grow up and resent you for not letting them see him.

13 Likes

Stop begging him to spend time with his kids. He’s a grown man and if he can’t make them a priority or treat them with respect when he has them, why would you push the issue? Stop.

What are the agreements set up legally? Talk to a lawyer if necessary and get this handled

1 Like

Be the better person.

3 Likes

If he can’t step up and make an effort there comes a time when it’s better to cut them out completely so your kids are no longer getting disappointed over & over again.
Tell him if he can call you consistently to ask about and check on them for more than one call every 6 months you’ll let him speak to them and see then.
Kids need consistency.

1 Like

Let it go my kids dad hasnt seen them in 2 years he hasnt called to talk to them they tried calling and he wont answer. Im not driving 2 hours for him to see them just for him to ne drunk and fight with me the whole time.

First of all pray about the situation. You know Satan wants children to think well if my father abandoned me that means my other Heavenly Father will abandon me and that’s just not so. Satan is taking away mother and fathers from children so that they lose faith in him. I would start with praying and then just be patient and see if he’s going through something and just explain to your daughters that it’s just temporary as far as you know and to just give it time. In the meantime pray PRAY PRAY

Let you girls find out how there father is and move on with your family life.

1 Like

Ask the girls. It should be up to them.

Get them therapy, and don’t push it. If you keep trying and he keeps not making an effort it will just make it more painful for the girls. But I would def get them therapy. I’m so sorry y’all are going through this.

You can live without a man.
You can support your kids alone without his help.

3 Likes

I think 7 and 9 are old enough to express how they feel! Do they want to go see him? If yes, let them. If no, don’t send them. And if they do go and don’t enjoy themselves they will let you know! I would do what the kids want…

1 Like

You said you told him he couldn’t see them but now you want to know why he doesn’t see them? It sounds like you are the problem here.

10 Likes

Why are you trying to force him to be a father when he clearly doesn’t want to be? Save your stress, energy and time for more important things, like your babies.

4 Likes

Tell him to come on over and see them.

1 Like

Take the high road and try to be the better person. Try to forgive. They love him. See how it goes, just don’t keep trying if he isn’t willing.

I would clean the air he needs to understand that he hurt his children ,

2 Likes

Been there, let him see them honestly kids see for themselves who is shiityy its not up to you to decide tht, let the girls decide you can always make sure theyre ok but you they’ll resent you one day for making the choice for them- sometimes you gotta let them learn shit on their own

I knew before I started reading, that you were the problem, leave the girls alone, and let them have a relationship with their dad!! You can’t tell him what to do at his house, his rules will be different than yours! I wouldn’t want to jump through all of those hurdles either, if I were him! Let the man be a dad, and quit putting so many stipulations on the relationship!!

13 Likes

I would personally stop trying but acknowledge the girls pain. I would say, unfortunately, he can’t be with you right now but when he can he will. I would say - that must make you feel sad and I can understand. That’s it - empathize with their feelings but stop trying with him = say yes if he phones… I would not let them around the gf either sounds toxic.

Get the girls into counseling and let dad take care of dad. Saddly you can not help stupid…

It sounds like your children are afraid to be with him and aren’t safe with him or the girlfriend. You laid the gauntlet down and he’s given you the answer.

4 Likes

Kids aren’t pawns or toys. They come first. Give them the option

2 Likes

I would. Fuck that. If he can’t acknowledge his own children in public then he can kick rocks. Don’t subject your daughters to his BS.

Let your girls make the decision to go or not. Eventually if he continues with this gf, they will more than likely choose not to go anymore

2 Likes

Your girls will know who was there and who was not

Sounds like they are better off with you. If he cared he would at least call.

If you have a court order, like it or not, without proof, you can’t tell him who can and can’t be around the girls. If he takes you to court, bc you didn’t go to court to address it, you could lose.
That said, you can’t make him see them. So, instead of trying to control every single thing, try to meet at a park or for dinner. And then, shut up and let it be a good time. Whatever you need to discuss should NEVER be done in front of your kids.
Get them into counseling and you should go too.
I get it. I have 100% been there. Still, never bad mouth him to them. I simply said “Baby, I don’t know. One day, when you’re ready, you can ask him and tell him how you feel.” Get them journals and let them write it all out. Help guide them into a mind set that they understand, This isn’t their fault.

Go to court lay down some rules. If necessary order of protection against the girlfriend and the dad. They need protecting from this awfully

3 Likes

Still trying to control

3 Likes

Let the girls choose to go or not go - give 9yo a cheap (not smart) cell phone if she doesn’t already have one so she has a direct lifeline to you if she feels unsafe or wants to go home.
Either he’ll start making more of an effort or stop all together but let that be his choice not yours- stop reaching out to him on their behalf and let the cards fall how they fall. If he vanish then they’ll know it was him not you. They won’t know how many times you forced him to communicate but they will know that you never interfered when given that chance.

Wow. If any judge read what you just wrote… first off… just because the girls live with you and your mom, gives you no authority to tell the dad who he can and can not have around the kids on his parenting time. Any judge would tell you this. Just like on your parenting time you can decide who is around your kids and he wouldn’t have a say so.

Maybe you pushed him away.

Based off your novel post, your saying. I am a mean baby mama, I don’t want my baby daddy to have any females around my kids because I am bitter. I constantly message him and demand answers and I don’t get what I want so I keep messaging him.

For the love of your kids. Let them have a relationship with there dad. Let them call him. Not you, no need to even message the man.

Maybe if you back off with your Karen tendencies. Dad and daughters can have there own relationship if you haven’t ruined it yet. Let them see Dad!

11 Likes

Just take him for child support

You do what’s best for ur children I wouldn’t want them around that kind of environment . I wouldn’t never beg the Dad of the children at all bc he doesn’t want to be around them at all .

2 Likes

Let him see the girls. His on behavior will determine how long he his last. Your girls are getting old enough to figure out what hints fir themselves. I think he’s already walking in egg shells with them. It sounds to me like they are already disgusted with their dad and the new big mouthed woman who doesn’t have a clue!!

1 Like

I would simply tell him arguing in front of the girls especially going down the road isn’t ok and you would appreciate if he would try harder not to. But I’m sure you have also had moments where you fought in front of them all parents do. To just cut it all out makes it seem like your the problem. The goal is to work together to work out your differences. There will always be things you don’t agree with at his house, that’s his house you can’t control everything there. But he deserves to see his girls. As far as the gf go to her directly. Speak to her as the adult she and you are and address the problem. Sounds to me like she has an issue with the “aunt” address that work it out. Don’t just cut Contact that’s not ok

No no if you love your girls let them see him
No strings attached.

4 Likes

I’d ask him where tf that energy was when we saw him in public? Why does he want to call them did he get broken up with?

Nope no way you cannot force a man to be a good dad it’s probably easier to be 100% honest with him not being around anyways. If he’s just going to make your girls cry when he’s around what’s the point obviously his new girlfriend is more important I would never want somebody around my kid who shows me that some temporary girlfriend is more important than his own flesh and blood. 

1 Like

If he wanted a relationship with them, he would. You now need to teach your daughters how to accept healthy boundaries and not chase after relationships with people who treat them like shit and think they are disposable. I would seek therapy for them ASAP!

Do you have a custody agreement in place? If so reread it you may be violating it or he is. You can take it back to court or go to court in general or just stop if nothing is in place.

If he wants to see his kids he would, if he wanted to be a parent to them he would. Protect your girls.

1 Like

He’s :wastebasket: … he picked a ho over his own girls. It’s ok my baby daddy now is seeing a cheap [email protected] thats with him bc she’s doing it out of spite bc I asked her not to. Lmao your daughters are way better off with out that trash. Cut all ties until he realizes his family comes first and not some ho.

It isn’t you job to male sure he sees his kids. Your job is to make sure they are happy and healthy. Let the girls make up their mind, without any remarks from you. Let him make his own bed and lay in it.

3 Likes

Cut all ties. He’s not worth having as a dad to those girls.

1 Like