Individual and family therapy.
Something happened here where they found out and now they are blaming Dad. Which I’m not saying they shouldn’t.
No you shouldn’t force anything. But this isn’t just about repairing theirs and Dad’s relationship. It’s about self healing, coping, and also repairing them so they can have healthy relationships in the future.
It’s a shame that all of these women think it has just to do with the Dad. And to let them be. It’s a shame they don’t realize the ramifications this can have on the emotional development of their children. Yes, they’re adults but they felt the same betrayal you did. The same pain of having their family unit broken apart over deceit.
Help them. Get them into therapy.
It’s not on you, it’s on dad.
You can’t force them to do what you want, they need time to repair as well.
This is his responsibility not yours. No need to be codependent here. You do you. Let them do them.
They’re old enough to make up their own minds!
In conversations with your daughters don’t bring up his name specifically but bring up great memories you all had together. A funny holiday story, a vacation trip, family traditions that came from his side. It will get them remembering good times not the bad and him
He is the one who needs to repair his relationship with them. I take it they don’t want to talk to him because of his affair?
It’s their choice now if they want a relationship with their dad, all you can tell them is that he is their dad and you only have one father don’t make a choice you may regret later on in life
Give them time. As much as that affair hurt you it hurt them too. They need to heal.
He needs to do the work! He betrayed them. He needs to repair that damage.
They’re adults. It’s up to them what they do. I started this thinking they were kids good god.
Yes he broke it. Let him fix it.
Its honestly on dad to attempt to fix their relationship. He hurt them just as bad as he hurt you.
That’s on him now. They probably are pissed their dad cheated on their mom and ruined their family. They’re old enough to make their own decisions on that.
My personal opinion is that they’re old enough to form their own opinions and speak to who they want. They are probably pissed at him for his behavior and the hell you went through. At least that’s how I was.
They are old enough to make their own choices you can suggest it’s okay if they want to repair their relationship with their Dad but in the end it is up to them and you will stand behind what ever they decide
They’re both adults now. They need to make their own decisions about this. Just be there if they need to talk.
It seems like they feel like he cheated on them, too. Therapy would be great, and whatever you can do to help reinforce that adult relationships are not usually about the betrayed spouse, and they are never about the child. It’s just some malfunction of the one having the affair. This reaction from your kids might be part of why he didn’t just do it righteous and separate before he wound up in an affair. But that is all on him and his lack of courage. Bottom line: your marriage is grown up business and does not have anything to do with how either of you feel about the kids. And extra points to you for wanting them to reconcile. You are a good person.
They need time. Their dad hurt their mom and broke the family and so they hold resentment. Give them some time. They’ll come around
Let them mend it in your own. They have as much resentment against him as you did when you found he was cheating
There’s nothing you can do. They’re legal adults and able to make their own choices. Furthermore, it’s not really your responsibility. If he wants to try to fix his relationship with them then he has to reach out and try.
Prayers love oxoxoxox sent in Jesus name
That’s up to them, not you. They are old enough to make that decision.
They are grown .It is up to them to repair, your ex included.
This is up to their dad to fix not you. Your not the only one he cheated on
There is nothing you can ever do… it falls solely on him. They have to go thru their motions with this not yours. I can’t imagine how mad they are… how much they hurt for you.
Just be there for them. I’m so sorry for all of you
You can’t. They’ll come around. They’re mad right now. Let them be mad.
Like everyone else is saying let them figure it out. Be honest and forthcoming. Don’t bash their dad. Let them know you support whatever decision they make. It is terrible this happened. I’m sorry.
I dont have anything to do with my dad after my parents divorced. You cannot make them do anything they do not want. This is something they have to decided on their own. If you push and get in the middle it will make it worse.
Why change it… its their choice… they probably know from experience what type of person he is… my oldest daughter wants nothing to do with her alcoholic lying abusive father… she learned from experience.
Unfortunately he made a horrible mistake, and he is now paying the price for it. They girls are old enough to make up their own minds, and forcing it may possibly hurt your relationship with them too. All you can do, is have their back, and be supportive on their decisions. That’s it. Just let them know your always there to talk or to listen while they vent their frustrations.
It’s up to HIM to try and fix this, not you.
Sorry that happened.
Nothing, because they are adults and are capable of making their own decisions. 💁 Honestly they sound like they are really hurt by his affair. Maybe one day they will want to see him/spend time with him. Let them decide when they are ready.
Let them handle it whichever way is right for them. He hurt them too.
He didn’t only have an affair on you he also had an affair on them. Believe it or not as much as your heart may have been broken there’s broke equally. A trust bond was broken not just between he and you but also between he and them. Only time can heal a broken heart
It is not up to you to repair the damage. He and your daughter will have to do that.
He cheated on you is like he cheated on them. They need time to heal too.
Their just venting now eventually they’ll come around and forgive their dad give them time to recover and beside he made his bed let him lie in it
Then perhaps he shouldn’t have cheated, can’t blame your daughters for feeling this way
She’s old enough to make choices let her decide on her own
All you can do is talk abut the good memories you guys had and to never talk bad about him in front of or to them
He cheated on you for 2 years and ultimately broke up a happy family. Sure they want nothing to do over with him and it’s understandable. He did you all dirty. If they decide they want to talk to him that’s up to them, they are adults. I wouldn’t push it. They have to heal also.
Unfortunately as a adult child of divorce, there is nothing you can do about it. I would sit them down individually and have a conversation about the divorce, your feelings on the divorce and about their dad, and your wishes for them and their dad. After that, I would not mention anything else about their relationship with him to them. They need to figure it out on their own without anyone trying to convince or persuade them any way.
repairs sb coming fr their father. be quiet.let them figure it out.
Don’t push them.
They will figure it out for themselves.
I am divorced and I have two daughters.
One has absolutely nothing to do with her dad and will not allow her children to see him.
The older daughter tries to have a relationship with him, but ends up frustrated every tie she tries
You can’t change how they feel ! Dad needs to repair the damage he did with them give the girls space eventually it will be how it will be. Its wonderful that you care enough about the dynamic with dad but you should just stear clear and out of it.
Counseling, loads of family counseling. It will likely have to start with just you and the girls. Ultimately, is their decision though.
Not your job to repair the relationship. Period. The only thing you can do is keep your opinions about him to yourself. Period.
Leave things alone they’re grown girls let them fix it at their own pace just be there mom and stand by them
I think they have every right not to want to be apart of his life. To me, he did you dirty and they don’t like that. Like people have said, he didn’t just cheat on you, he cheated on them. If they come around great, if not, great. They’re grown and can make their own decisions and clearly they do not like what he did to your family. If anything encourage them to speak to a professional. May help, may not.
He ruined the family with the affair. They are old enough to understand and be mad that he did that to not only you but them too.
I’m 25, I have two younger sisters, 21 and 18. Our dad cheated on our mom many years ago and they’ve since repaired their relationship and they’re still married but we still harbor some resentment about it because wtf dad? They’ll come around in time, but for now do not comment on it. Do not say you forgive him, do not encourage them to do anything, if they come to you about it tell them that they need to think on this and make their own conclusions about it but you’re too close to comment on the situation. They might be mad about your nonchalant attitude or your lack of willingness to be mad with them but just remind them that it’s extremely important that neither you nor their father talks badly about the other. They’re old enough, they’ll understand
If you force the issue, they will grow bitter towards you. Just let them know that you can understand their anger and when they are ready to put it away, you will be there to help.
Let them have time… and give time some time…
He didn’t destroy everything, in their eyes, in a day… cant fix it in a day…
Give them time… you push and you could jeopardize your relationship with them as well…
It took me 5 years… soooo
They arent happy about him cheating. He cheated on them too ! He has to make amends ,not them . Be proud they love And support You Mom.
Stay out of it. It’s between them and him
I would just tell her its between your father and i not u, hes u father and he loves u. That what i told my kids.
He made a choice to cheat on not only you but your kids too… in my opinion… when you cheat …you know what happens in the long run. If you are not happy, then get out of the relationship!! Do not choose to hurt everyone!! He made his bed and unfortunately for him… his kids may never want to talk to him and it should be up to them. It’s sad that people do this to people, they ruin people that way. Their spouses and especially their kids.
Well I would explain to them they are not the reason for the divorce if your husband wasnt happy he should have come to you and said something instead of cheating but that is still her father and he loves them and maybe talk with him also and have a sit down together let him come over and explain that he should have talked to you about it but he didnt and it cant be changed but you can move forward. They will have to start out slow and build up there trust
they’re adults and they can make their own decision I would say leave it alone… in time they might accept him back but they are hurt as well for him doing this to his family
Give them time to be mad.
They are adults…sorry mom but you need to step back a little.
That’s a relationship that HE needs to repair not you.
That are old enough to make their own choices. You can’t repair their relationships for them. Simply love them, support them and allow them to feel their own hurt in their own way. They may eventually want to repair it but they may not. Understand that the man they trusted their whole lives broke that trust and they are hurting. Support them no matter what their choices are.
Not only did he betrayed you, he betrayed them! Their trust, their family, their happy little bubble, their safety net, their belief in happy ever after. If he wants a relationship with them he has to fix it!
Guess he should have thought about that.
They lost respect for him and honestly , you can’t blame them. They will come around if they want to. Just remind them that he cheated on you, not them…although it probably feels like he cheated on them too
They are grown up. Its their choice
If they don’t want a relationship with someone that cheated on your FAMILY let them be
They definitely need a lot of time to heal because they feel betrayed. Especially your 18 year old since she was his sidekick. They eventually will come around but the relationship will never be the same.
I mean, they’re grown now. Its up to them. No one can force anything.
You can’t repair their relationship. You didn’t break the bond. Good luck. Support the girls they may change over time. Remember time changes things.
That’s something they have to do on their own
Give them time. The fact that it’s not you turning them against their dad is what you’re doing right. There’s nothing else you can do.
From the daughter perspective, I went a period of time not speaking to my dad around that age. My wife encouraged me to reconnect and it had been a positive decision for me. On the other hand, my two sisters are still not speaking to him. My mom has been supportive of each of us in what we have individually decided is the best for our lives.
Sounds like that’s on him, not you to worry about. They’re adults now.
It happens , he hurt you and they are hurt by his action, just always tell him love them, he did this to you not them, unhappy marriage isn’t health for you and him, if he’s happy over their let it be, cause you deserve the best, and the queen you are. Love and happiness will come to you . He’s Lost but the mean time he push his two angles .
Leave it alone he needs to repair it
Not your job to repair it. He hurt them too. If he wants a relationship with them, he needs to work it out with them. And ultimately that is their choice.
In all honesty. If he wants a relationship with them it’s his job to figure it out. Hes the one who messed up.
They are both grown and clearly object to their fathers morals in regards to him cheating on you!
They are entitled to feel the way they feel and it’s their fathers own fault!
Leave them be, they will repair their relationship with their dad IF and WHEN they want to!
YOU cant do much. In ny opinion, both are old enough to recognize a cheating douchwaffle when they see one. Only dad can fix that if he bothers. 💁
He didnt just cheat on you. He cheated on them too. They grew up with both mom and dad together and happy and after 20+ years he gets a wild hair up his ass and has an affair. That’s betrayal to your relationship with him and their view on the kind of man he is. They’re mad and upset about it, all you can do is be there for them emotionally while they deal with it.
Nope, this is entirely up to them and their dad. You can’t help this one honestly.
I’d let them handle it how they see fit. They are both adults and eventually they may open back up to him.
It is totally up to them. If he wants to mend it he will reach out!
As a daughter in the same boat, my mon has never spoke ill but hasn’t pushed us either. I’m 28, my sisters are 22 and 19 and none of us choose to speak to our father anymore. You don’t mess with a girls mama, period.
It’s his job to repair the relationship with his daughters. He chose to tear the family apart not them they have the right to be upset
I say talk to them, encourage them and tell them the break up is between you and there father. You don’t want them to feel they have to choose
Give them time to develop that frontal lobe. About 22 for girls…later for boys. The frontal lobe processes reasoning…they will or won’t in their own time. If you keep a positive relationship with him it will help
You can’t fix this, it’s between the girls an their dad. He may, but doubtful
Nope…let them do it on their own. They are obviously pretty upset with how he treated you. He will have to earn the right to be in their lives. Thats not up to you.
Give them time . They may change . The dad should certainly encourage therapy and pay for it . My step daughters have been in your kids shoes and they weave in and out of their dads life . He is trying to be patient and understanding. I certainly wasn’t another woman but we met soon after his divorce . That did not sit well with his girls and I understand that . We are praying for healing !
It’s not your responsibility. My girl’s are the same with their dad. Oldest daughter hasn’t spoke to her dad in 4 years. He missed out on her wedding and the birth of our first granddaughter. Youngest see’s him maybe 3 times a year. Once they became adults I stepped back and let them handle it. They wanted the divorce more than I did.
They are old enough to make their own decisions. They are clearly mad at the dad and that is something that the dad has to repair with them without you to intervene.
Give it time. You sound as if this is not a problem for you. They feel he cheated on you. People drift apart. Try to let them know how you feel
Not your place. You can encourage them to see him. But that’s about it.
It’s not your problem to fix that will be all on him you can help by not talking bad about him other than that it’s not your fight
He has to repair their relation ships. You need to stay out of it.
They are 18yo plus. Let them be. For the moment they are hurt with what he did. They feel betrayed.
Give them space and time. Don’t mention anything.
Your ex lost the respect and trust they had for him.
It’s going to be a long road but it’s your kids road to walk. Don’t interfere.