My husband adopted my son when he was 7 months old. My sons biological father died before he was born. My husband has been the only dad my child has known.My son is now 5 years old and absolutely loves his dad. We also have a second child that is biologically my husbands My husband made a remake tonight because his bio child like certain food and my oldest does not “That’s how you can tell his not mine he doesn’t eat what I like^ I was shattered My 5 year old has no idea why he said that he doesn’t yet understand he has a daddy in heaven which I tell him about alot and a daddy on earth. I don’t know how to approach the topic it’s so awkward between us at the moment his never shown favoritism or made my oldest not be included or treated differently.But lately he is making it more and more of a point on how different my son is from him Doesn’t look like him Doesn’t like the same foods as him Says his funny looking (not in a joking way) which I shut down immediately I don’t know what the hell his problem is
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband adopted my son but started treating him different: Advice?
Look into the Cinderella effect it’s an alarming situation but the more you guys are able to talk about it and the more hes aware will make a huge difference
Your job is to protect your kids bottom line
I’m sorry.l mama…but I wouldn’t be with him… he accepted you and you child and even adopted him. That’s unacceptable.
If it was me, my kid comes first and that would be that as far as the relationship, that kid is gonna grow up resenting that man
Communicate, or it will just get more awkward and more of an issue… He most likely doesn’t understand how it is making you feel, if a majority of it is his idea of being funny.
I dont think he ment any harm by it. Unless its a normal occurrence, then possibly. But people say stuff like that all the time. My kid will do something and my best friend will be like “thats how we know shes not yours, shes mine” its just a phrase… to me anyways. Maybe talk to him and find out if he ment it in an insulting way, maybe (hopefully) you just took it wrong. But drawing it to his attention will allow him to know it upset the child and made him feel alienated.
Talk to him in private. Make it clear how uncomfortable it is and how he shouldnt compare the 2.
I’d say the same thing out of earshot of the children however and ask him point out " why the hell would you say that", but not that pleasantly.
I wouldn’t like that comment !
Sometimes even as adults we are stupid and don’t know what we are saying or how it effects others!! Talk to him and if that doesn’t work than GO!
You don’t casually or cautiously approach that. You approach that shit head on!
Be blunt and ask him what his problem is! The whole biological or adopted thing doesn’t matter. Even if both kids were his blood, that doesn’t mean that either one of them will look like him, act like him or like the things he likes.
Throw the whole man away clearly he’s an abuser ! Can pick on a small child . Eww I wouldn’t be near a man that disrespectful towards me or my children
This wouldn’t be a option leave that kid is gunna grow up thinking he will never be good enough
I’d definitely make sure you very clearly communicate that this is not ok and point out that making these remarks are going to make this poor baby feel very rejected. You cannot flip the script in parenting. Poor child.
You allow it. Speak up or walk away.
Tell him to knock it off. Think before he speaks
look for the other woman
I’m in that situation, my daughters daddy isn’t her biological father and he’s been there sense before she was born. If he’s feeling a certain type of way it may be something he’s is having a hard time communicating to you, you may need open that line for him and ask him if everything is okay in that aspect. It’s happened to us before and turned out he was feeling badly and we talked about it. Communicate about it 
The food thing is one thing me and my bf do it with our kids to like with our daughter when she steals me drinks “well you can definitely tell she’s your kid with that Dr Pepper” or with my son “you can tell he ain’t mine cause he doesn’t like insert food and I do” and he’ll do the same thing with both of them over a certain food or phrase “you can tell they’re my kids because whatever situation” that’s just something parents say sometimes but the other things idk about but my bf with also joke all the time “that baby don’t look like me” about both of them even though our daughter looks like he birthed her on his own 
I would have raised hell if I heard that
I would b pissed too!
I’d bring it up to him. I know theres gonna be alot of people that say “leave him” “hes trash” etc etc, but I think you should do what Shana Evraire said. Make him aware of the extent of the situation. It wasnt okay to say that, and you need to male it clear. Id also put him on the spot and ask him exactly why he said that. Find hus reasoning. Then let him know that just because he knows that, he doesnt need to use it as a weapon. Remind him of how much he means to your child. Remind him that he doesnt see the bio resemblance. He just sees dad. Maybe thatll set a much needed reminder that simple stuff like not liking certain foods has nothing to do with the love between father and son.
You need to sit down and talk to your husband. This is unacceptable!! My husband came into my sons life when he was 5 and has been his only father figure, he is now turning 17. My husband also has a 15 year old son from a previous marriage and we have an almost 7 year old daughter together. You would NEVER know that my son isn’t his biological child.
Idk. My husband adopted my son when he was around 3/4. He’s now 8 and we have a 5 yo and I’ll be the one saying things like “yep she’s definitely your kid” and things along those lines 
we both say it in joking manners.
Tell him to cut it out or Throw him out your child comes first 100% of the time… garbage if you ask me!
That is cruel as hell
That will be forever burned in that child’s psyche
Children know when a step parent treats them differently and resents them a child always knows and it fucks the child up I speak from experience
I feel so sad for your son. He loves a man he knows as daddy and daddy is hurting him emotionally
This is abuse he stops or you leave protect him
Omg that’s AWFUL!!! I would definitely have a chat with him and let him know how harmful that can be to a young child!!! Poor kid. Your husband needs to grow up…good grief!
I would be devastated if he said that in front of my son. Honestly it would be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn’t want my son growing up hearing that let alone feeling worthless and not enough for his step dad.
What in the af? Unacceptable behavior!
Nah f that. U need to speak up and not tolerate that shit. That’s your baby and his baby. He better check that attitude at the door. Caz those are both your kids forever. He better seek some therapy to go thru whatever it is he’s feeling and learn to communicate frfr or its gona be ugly for the whole family.
My dad adopted me when I was little as well. I’m now an adult with grown children who are great at art. My dad made the comment one time that my kids didn’t get their artistic skills from him because he can’t draw. He forgets I’m not his biologically. And that’s the way it should be. This man needs to change his remarks and behavior before he damages your 5 year old for the rest of his life. Not to mention how damaging favoritism like this can be to his siblings also. I can’t tell you what to do but I know I’d raise hell and it would either end with a change in behavior or my walking out the door with kids in hand!!
Girl. Red Flags!!! Of course he is different of course they don’t look alike your Husband sounds like an idiot. Hello he Adopted him knowing what happened U Need to put an End to this or an End to the Marriage. Speak up PROTECT YOUR CHILD DO YOUR JOB NOT ASK WHAT U SHOULD DO.
Sounds like the man child needs a boot in his ass !
Pls protect ur son he has only u
Call him out on it. Don’t wait, don’t be aggressive either just come out with it.
And I know this is hard for you but that lil boy clearly only has you. You are his advocate his everything stand up and be assertive for the 3 of you (you and the boys). Tell him this is not ok and if he chooses to continue then it be ok to leave.
It’s sad that people say ohbthis is my kid but yet make comments like this that truly show they (probably) do favor their bio child.
.I personally would leave someone like that.
That is trash as hell. You don’t do that. Saying it to you is one thing, but infront of the child is so damn disrespectful! He’s 5! His dad is gone! He stepped up just to be an asshole later? NO! Do not let that go. You are valid to feel how you feel! That is not okay. Funny looking? Nd quite frankly that would piss me off, because had his father not pasted would you even be with him? Like seriously. Idk this just ticked me off to hear. Nd it’s not my kid. When he say something about how your 5 year old is so different, bring up how he is so amazing like his father in heaven. How he looks so handsome, just like his father in heaven. I bet then he changes that bull. Ugh
The Children Always come first! I had to take my grandson when he was 5 months old. My husband then, told me to let foster care take him, he didnt want to raise any more kids. I told him, the baby needs me, you dont, and out the door he went!
If you allow that man to fuck up your child emotionally then you have no one but yourself to blame when that child lashes out
My bf of 4 years stepped up and raised my little girl from day 1 now were having our own I’m a month pregnant the other night he said to me … no matter what babe kiara will always be my number one she wss in my life first blood or not they should never step down after stepping up and letting a child call them dad or believing they are for so long .
Make your husband sit down and talk about why he is doing this. The child is the one getting hurt. Protect your child above all else.
Hes a child. He doesn’t need to be told he’s funny looking… you need to have a conversation with your husband and tell him that he adopted your child. Meaning he is his child. He needs to stop making stupid comments and comparing him to his bio child. Obviously he’s not going to look like him, he looks like his father. You kid doesn’t need to be made fun of or constantly reminded that his father died and daddy doesn’t like him.
He needs to stop or he needs to leave. Simple as that
Caitlin Arteche yeah I thought that kinda too but the he looks funny looking not in a joking way part kinda got me …sounds like he’s starting to kinda have resentment towards the child now as he gets older
Nope. Do not let that man treat your son like that. He took on that stepdad role willingly, now if he doesn’t want to he needs to speak up. It sounds as if his heart may not be in it for the older son anymore. My ex has never, ever made those remarks towards our older girls in the 3 yrs of having our baby. He still calls them his girls and still treats them as such. Do not settle for a man who isn’t about your kids as much as you are and do not let anyone mistreat your kids.
“I don’t know how to approach the topic…” what is wrong with you. “Don’t say shit like that about him. You got into this knowing I came with a child. Do not treat him different”, end of discussion.
You better set him straight real quick. If not your child will suffer. He’s a grown man and should know better.
Put a stop to that ASAP that will only become a bigger issue and cause trauma to your child. He needs to understand that even biological kids have different tastes and preferences and you two could even have a biological kid that is a mini you and doesn’t share any similarities with him! He adopted this kid. It is his child and he needs to stop comparing his two children. Just like it’s not healthy to constantly compare your kid to other peoples children this is no different. And the funny looking part is just mean and cruel. These are major red flags and you need to protect both of your children!
Marriage counselor asap.
You’ve got to at least try therapy before you walk away.
Because if hubby can’t learn to change his behavior, that’s what you’ll need to do to protect your son.
Prayers for change in attitude. Hugs. Maybe it easn t meant the way it dounded. I ve daid the same thing abt my own bio childten with a mean voice but joking. Prays that this is the case. Talk to him & don t let it fester.
Call him out immediately. That is absolutely NOT something he should be saying around the children.
How can anyone act and say that 
you need to speak to him and if he doesn’t stop it well you need to put your child 1st xx
He definitely does have a problem. Neither of your children deserve this behavior and it will affect the. both. He could use a talking to…by you or professional help.
Counseling. Demand you both go to counseling. This may get worse. Don’t let this happen. Please sit down with him and communicate.
That is not ok what is wrong with people.
That’s horrible, red flag
Absolutely unacceptable!! Definitely need to have a talk with him and if the comments and behavior doesn’t stop then it’s time go!
He is not a step dad, he’s his legal dad. He adopted this little boy as a baby he should treat him as his own.
How painful to pick on an innocent child. My heart breaks for him. Possibly seek some professional help on how to reverse the damage it is doing.
Uhh doesn’t matter. Leave. If you don’t you’re literally choosing to let this destroy your 5yr old. Only the weakest pick on children
He needs to forget about adoption and keep his nasty comments to himself. Child has been around long enough that he should have no problem comparing kids. Not everyone likes the same things. Tell him to grow up.
Why would u stay ? A man would only disrespect my child once. PERIOD
My father was the only one my older sister ever knew, even wanted to adopt her but our mother refused to allow it. Until she was 7 and he, in the midst of an argument with my mother, told her to “Ask your mom who your real dad is.” My mother was no saint, she was the primary source of all our problems and definitely his insecurities; but that single moment was so formative and damaging to my sister that it still affects her 20+ years later. She’s put a mental block on many of the events of our childhood, much of it what our mother wrought, but that continues to stand out and wreak its havoc, even now that she has finally discovered and built relationships with her bio dad and his family.
You need to get this man in line, or leave him, before he traumatizes your son beyond repair. Protect your child, first and foremost.
Wow big mistake to make to even allow him to adopt that child …child deserves better
My father that raised me from birth is not my father but til this day after 37 long years you will never hear him say that he is not my father. When I found my bio donor I told my father and he cried. It hurt him so much I had to remind him no matter what he will forever be my dad. My bio donor was and still is a piece of crap. He didn’t raise any of his kids. I would sit your husband down and ask him if he regrets the decision he made by adopting your son and he replies with yes then ask him what he plans to do bc it is not fair in any case to treat a child badly or be spiteful bc he thinks he made the wrong decision. Then you decide what you want to do Mama. Best bet is to walk away if he’s not willing to see what he is doing is wrong he doesn’t to deserve to be a father. I hope you find peace and protect your son from any pain that he may cause him. Words hurt and they definitely stick with you forever
Put your foot down. And dint be nice about it. He adopted him by choice and it’s not ok for remarks to be made like that so tell him how it feels to you and tell him to cut his crap or to leave. Simple
This would be an ultimatum for me. You either treat my child the correct way or I leave
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First, bio kids can be COMPLETELY different (looks, likes, mannerisms) then their bio parents. So there is that adopted or bio.
Second, we should never make a kid feel bad for being different.
Third it’s time to sit him down and have a serious talk and set expectations. He may think it’s cute or funny and it’s not
I would not be subjecting myself nor my childreb to that type of abuse
Your job as a parent is to speak up for your child(ren). I had my son before my husband. My husband completely took him on then we have a daughter together. Both of our children are treated completely the same people don’t even realize he’s not my husband’s biological child. I’d tell your husband to man up or sit the bell down. By not saying anything your allowing it to continue.
That is so horrible & heart wrenching honestly. I’d be livid. And while genetics may play some part, that’s not all their is to it! My youngest mirrors her step dad in her food habits, activity choices ect because she’s been around him since she was 1. That’s why he always say, yeah she’s pretty much my daughter. Not because her dad isn’t around (he is) but because they’re so similar yet not genetically.
I would of lost my shit!! he is Abusing the Child. I would Get Out Now personally if he wants to be like that I would be saying Bye.
Hell no that is not ok that would be a deal braker for me. As much as I love my husband my children come first. He should have never stepped up to the plate and adopted him. I would leave his ass file for full custody and child support. Since he adopted him he is now legally his father so he will have to pay child support for both kids.
Try talking to him im sure he’s not Deliberately trying to hurt anyones feelings. I think he just dont know that those words could cause harm i think he’s a good dad hell we all stand corrected for saying something that has hurt someone at one time but when corrected that didn’t happen again and that dont make us a bad person This should be addressed immediately If there’s love there’s a way Blessing 
My dad adopted me when I was 4. They had my sister when I was 6 and I’m 29 now, he still treats me differently, we have a severed relationship because i watch him cherrish the ground my sister walks on and turn around and verbally abuse myself and my 4 year old daughter. All I can say is stand up for your baby 
I’d livid, protect your child child deserves better.
Oh fuck no. If my boyfriend said those things to my son seriously, he’d either be curbing that attitude real quick or his bags would be packed and on the porch.
He chose to be his father. That means, no matter who created that child, that child is his. He needs to act like it.
We’ll time for divorce and leave no parent should play favoritism
You need to be your children s voice at any cost.
Bet that the “bio child” is a boy!
Because he’s comparing the two kids and no two kids are the same regardless of genes🧬 !
Have you discussed this issue with your hubby?
I could understand a slip about the food thing.
My father would always say things like that about all 8 of us kids, about “this is definitely my kid” due to some characteristic of his own.
“She is just like me, she likes to grow things and get dirty in the garden”.
I would schedule some family counseling immediately.
And why haven’t you ever mentioned that your son has a daddy in Heaven. This should have been normal conversation in your home. You have never shown a picture of his dead father to your son?
Why, not?
It is always recommend to make adopted child aware from the beginning. I think hiding this information is not healthy.
I would talk to a therapist about how to inform your son of his biological Dad and to find our why your husband is making these kind of comments.
First and foremost I think you should tell your child that he had a father and tell him about him and all the things you see in him that remind you of him and why you loved him etc. Give your child self esteem and confidence that he is loved by you and his father in heaven and that you’re proud and grateful for him Just the way he is.
Then talk to your husband and let him know that his comments can hurt him and as his Dad you expect him to do better. Then I would schedule joint counseling to go forward.
Oh hell freaking no.
My step dad has raised me since I was 6 years old. He’s the only father I’ve ever known.
In 2015-2016, my bio father came back into my life. I discovered I have two brothers through him.
Today, I don’t talk to him but the mother of my brothers I call my step mom and I have a relationship with my brothers.
I’ve also got a half brother through my mother and I had considered his father a father figure for a short period of time until his biological boys were born from his first wife. The boys are my brothers but their dad started treating me different after their birth. I was 9 when the eldest was born.
All to say, regardless of title, and legal relationship, no parent should treat their child different from biological children. The child could be resentful later on.
Furthermore, I’m sorry for your loss.
Make him see his wrong for that ! Be like you will not make those stupid remarks about my kid unless you want someone else making them of your son.!!!
The passive aggressive me want to say make comments like: He looks like his momma! I’m I funny looking? He eats like his momma! I don’t like tuna (or whatever hes eating) either. He takes after his momma side of the family.
The adult in me know you should sit him down & talk to him. Let him know he accepted and adopted that little boy as he is. Those back handed comments have gotta stop. It will put a rip in your family and between the kids. Your son will feel unloved, unwanted when he gets old enough to realize what does comments mean.
Wtf is wrong with him?! We’d be having a serious discussion and if that’s his true feelings I’d be gone.
My dad that raised me is the only daddy o ever knew. He’s is my sisters dad and adopted me too. I never knew he wasn’t my dad for a long time but if I would have heard him make comments like that it would have BROKE ME! Thats not okay. I would shut it down IMMEDIATELY. and be firm about it too!!
My Dad adopted me when I was 3 years old. Around that time him and my Mom had a son together. I have never felt like the adopted kid. I’m 60 years old now. We were treated the same. Even years after him and my Mom got a divorce.
Is he joking? I play around with my kids like that. They know I’m playing though. I hope he’s just joking.
It may not be malicious he may just be processing the differences. He still shouldn’t be doing it in front of the children. Maybe he needs a therapist to help him work out why he’s behaving this way.
I would have lost my ever loving mind and asked him to leave. Omg.
Oh this is so not right! He cannot do that!
My daughter is not biological My husbands daughter but he ‘adopted’ her and is in her life since she was 10 months. we have 3 Little boys together. She is 12 and never ever he treated her differently. She is his daughter. He will flip if someone says something else. And if he had done it I would have left!
If he continues treating your son like he is then it’s time to divorce him. It’s not okay for an adult to bully an innocent child which your husband is doing.
Only one that would shutting down, is him, that’s mean. And your son is going to catch on and feel like crap…
Ive met a LOT of families with step dads. I had one myself. And my son has one too. Never ever have I ever witnessed all the kids being treated the same.
I think having a good step dad, who never compares is honestly really uncommon. Sad eh? I hope you can sit down and talk with him, because from personal experience… it really does hurt.