I have been with my husband for going on four years… we have been married one year on Halloween 2019. I have three kids from previous relationships. My youngest son never got to meet his bio dad because of drugs. My husband came into my life when my youngest was two and over time, became his dad. We have had our issues, but I thought we worked through them, but I was wrong. I begged him months ago to open up and talk to me. I told him how alone I felt because I am a stay at home, mom, and I have no friends to talk to. I begged and begged to please don’t shut me out. I asked to go to marriage counseling four months ago because I felt like our marriage was slowly fading out. He wouldn’t do it. He then became even more standoffish to the point he doesn’t touch me, and it’s been forever since he said I love you. I’m lucky if I get a love ya.Then the day before Thanksgiving, he told me that his family wasn’t coming over for dinner and that his family doesn’t like me and him and our son was invited over to his aunt’s house for dinner, I was not. He stayed home that day but was very ignorant about everything I get made dinner, and I asked him if he could wash the dishes since I cooked for 6 hours straight…he said yeah but never did it. Then last night I look over at him, and he was on his phone, and all I could see was a lady’s downstairs bits…I’m not sure if it was porn or someone he is talking too, but I have been begging him for some naughty time, and he just passes out on my…he works yes but I pay the bills, keep the house clean, take care of the kids, make sure everyone has clothing to wear, I take care of our pets I deal with the car and so on…Idk what to do, but I feel like our marriage was forced into a dead end with no turn around…please, I need advice.
You cant force someone to want to work on a relationship let alone a marriage. A marriage is 100/100 and doesnt sound like hes into it anymore. Either you choose to stay, doesnt sound like its going to get better, or you leave. Simple as that
Get yourself some counseling so you can have someone to help you figure it out over time.
DIVORCE attorney???
I have no advice because id be a hypocrite. Just do whats best for you and your kids. Sounds like hes cheating. Idk but suspicions. If you ever want to talk msg me always a good talker and listener i myself have no friends to talk too. 
get rid of this piece of shit! Your children need to see a loving family so they know how to act when they are older. He is selfish and useless from what I see. You can do better. Learn to love yourself above anyone else.You deserve better than this.
Sounds like his attention is on someone else. You already talked to him about how u feel and he still isn’t trying, seems like he is not taking your vows serious and has given up on your marriage. I agree with Jessica marriage is 100/100. Dont waste your time and move on you will be okay, just take it one day at a time, it hurts now but time does heal. You deserve the same love you are willing to give and nothing less. Sometimes some relationships dont work no matter how hard we want them to work. No one should be put in the position to where they have to beg to be loved, when theres someone out there that will effortlessly is willing to show u real love. Keep your head up. Sending nothing but good vibes your way. Keep us updated.
The first thing that you don’t do is to open the door to allow anyone into your relationship/marriage. You are asking for trouble. You know what you need to do. But you want justification or support for your decision. Your marriage is not my business or anyone else business.
If it walks like a duck…
Trust your gut. It’s usually right
Leave …you deserve better.
All I have to say is BYE BYE been there done that , now happy and my kids are happy there is someone out there that will love you snd the ground you walk on
You need to find employment outside the home and start building a new life. You are going to need to be able to take care of yourself and your children.
Yes if was you I would move on… because he sounds like he’s looking for a way out… you deserve way better… he might be cheating or having an emotional affair,those are just as bad as the ladder… good luck.
Sounds like a man that’s waiting for it to be your idea. Some men cannot say they want things to end so they just do everything wrong till you snap. The moment you had to wonder or beg is the moment you lost him. You seem much calmer than me though. I would have went to the families house and asked why they hate me and how I fix it and share all the BS he’s putting me through <3 But I’m a royal pain in the A**. Don’t settle, and show your babies that it’s okay to not put up with crap
Heres my advice, as a man.
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Get a job, find a babysitter for the kids. He doesnt like it? Too fucking bad.
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Gain your independence, work on yourself. Make some friends, re-establish a social life outside if this abusive controlling relationship. Next thanksgiving youll have somewhere to go without him, I can tell you as a man if my family said they didnt like my wife and she wasnt allowed over, Id be eating dinner alone with my wife.
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Once you find your confidence and independence from this coward, watch how he comes crawling back trying to find ways to control you, then move the FUCK on.
Seems as if he’s checked out of the marriage. So if looks as if plan A isn’t working out. What’s plan B? If you don’t already have one, develop it and put it into action. Oh and this goes without saying, move in silence. He doesn’t need to know your every move.
Usually some one else
You seem to be possibly dealing with some unaddressed codependency issues. You need your own income and to be alone for at least a year. No man will save you. You have to save yourself.
Maybe infidelity is a possibility; sometimes cheating partners start fights so they have a valid reason to run to the waiting arms of another . Walking away to answer phone calls. Pay attention to small details. Check you phone details if on same plan. Good luck! Been there done that 
You deserve so much better than him 
Google NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIOUR there’s your answer
U have to be married a certain amount of tome to get spousal support… every state is diff. Usually 10 yrs
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make your marriage work (no matter what the case is) I will NEVER tell someone to just leave but yes you need to work on you and making sure you’re ok no matter the outcome, and yes it’s very important for your children to know what a happy healthy marriage is. They say the first year’s the hardest and I believe it(my marriage is proof) … my best advice as get your head right and, when you’re ready to hear the answer(no matter what it is) then ask him flat out if he’s wanting out. If he says no then tell him you’re willing to do whatever it takes to fix it and ask him for suggestions(men operate differently) if he still isn’t trying then he’s lying and then you have to prepare yourself to leave… if he says yes he wants out don’t try to change his mind you stay calm(this will be hard and crying is normal) and just proceed to talk to him about what’s next what he expects to happen what he’s going to want and maybe things can go calm and smooth without a fight and you can remain friends for the sake of your son and maybe he’ll be unrealistic and then you’ll know you’re going to have to get a lawyer… prayers going up, feel free to PM me if you need a non judgmental ear and someone whose supportive either way
Sounds like he needs to find another place to live
You sound like you are already very independent. If you can cover all then move on.
If he is not willing to work on it leave.
Sounds like cheating or thinking about cheating to me… that’s one of your first signs.
They quite paying attention to you… sorry your going thru that!
Sounds like there is someone else and he has already checked out. Get a job and start working out how you are going to support your kids.
I am for sticking it out to the end always, but in your case it seems like the end. If he refuses to try, he already has given up. He may be involved elsewhere from the sounds of it. You deserve someone that gives just as much as you! Good luck & God bless.
If my husband was openly looking at a naked women in my presence I would show him the door immediately. You can only save a marriage 2 people want to save - seems like he checked out a long time ago. LEAVE- It won’t be easy but it will be worth it! 
Stop begging for his attention. Start ignoring him and put a plan in place to support yourself and your kids so he can go.
You need to give him an ultimatum, obviously he’s not listening to you despite your many attempts to resolve the issue.
You can’t save a marriage by yourself! He made it clear that the relationship isn’t worth his time to work on!!! He’s waiting for you to be the “bad guy” And say it’s over.
Ok, billboard here! It’s Over!!! Time to end things. Not happy, not what you wanted, but unless he is willing to try, it’s time to walk! Or make him walk! Check out the divorce laws in your state and get a first time free consultation from at least one lawyer. Then make an informed decision!!!
I’m hearing ME ME ME…it’s your way or it doesn’t work. You want him to talk but it sounds like nagging to him. THERE is no way a person cooks for 6 hours straight on one meal, trust me. I’m surprised he’s still there. Been with him 4 yrs and still married him??? WTF is that mess, married ONE year and you didn’t see him like this before? OK, now the kids… of them with 2 dads at least. You are looking for something and trust me it’s not in the men you’re picking. STOP…you are teaching your children to move from one guy to the next…do you really want them as miserable as you are? GT A JOB, GET A LIFE, AND LIVE ALONE! Till you are happy with yourself alone, how can someone else want to be with you? It’s the oldest lesson in the book. You control you and stop settling for the first guy that comes along…figure out what you want and then look for it. Men do not think like women, learn it and hints don’t always work, you tell them …it is what it is. Men have sex, Women make love … they work all day, they don’t want to come home and hear you whining (tell him the good things in your day, might make him talk with questions) Always ask how his day was, tell him you appreciate him and do it daily. THAT is how you keep a man and not a boy. Stop picking boys …men don’t change so stop thinking you can change one, get the RIGHT ONE and be happy.
Yep, get a job. Stop depending on him. Leave him before he leaves you stranded with no job, no money, no food in the house. That’s what happened to me with my husband I was with for 20 years. He’s already got one foot out the door, honey. He’s playing you like a fiddle.
If you two can’t work this marriage out on your on then marriage counseling is your only choice. If your church going people then go to your Paster and see if he would council you too. I will tell you this. If you both don’t work to get this marriage back on track that it want work. One person can’t make a relationship but one person can end a relationship . Ask him if your marriage is worth fighting for. You’ll have your answer.
He’s cheating…And his family probably DOES like you…And that “aunt” that invited him and your son to dinner was probably the other woman.
serious you need advice. you need a mental examination for putting up with him. hold your head up and move on. bye. bye. felicia
If he doesn’t go to counseling with you, I would end it. Start gathering info about finances, etc. see an attorney. This is not someone I’d want to be with. If he isn’t cheating already he is probably thinking about it. So sorry for you.
You deserve someone who’s going to put in the effort that you are. Begging someone gets you absolutely nowhere. In fact it just makes them loathe you even more. This will cause resentment. I’m sorry you’re going through this:cry: but hon, sometimes you just have to see the way the tide has turned. Sometimes you just gotta let go. It’s heart-wrenching…I can almost feel your pain as I type this- it’s familiar to me. But you will heal. You’re not alone. Do what you know you need to do for your kids and yourself, and most importantly- don’t you dare give up your dignity by begging or pleading. You’ll be just fine 
Man the people giving advice here are some very cynical and insecure people.
These are all clear signs of DEPRESSION. I’m sorry you’re going through all of these emotions but he obviously is too. Men have a hard time admitting when they feel defeated and he’s feeling like a failure as your husband every time you bring up your issues. It sucks but I guarantee that’s what’s going on.
I know how hard it is to be unhappy, miserable, to feel unloved, hurt. To want to make him feel what your feeling. To not want to admit that I had not been able to make it work. Afraid to start again. If any of this is close to how your feeling just know that I always felt better once I had cut the last ties. The constant feeling of walking on egg shells all the time is awful. I have been divorced for 10 years for the third time yes 3rd and I’m happier than I have been in years of marriage post the honeymoon phases. If any of this has touched home for you maybe it is time to sweep the egg shells up and toss them out . Be happy with your kids, heal, and build the life you want. Maybe someone will enter your world that can bring you and your kids fulfillment of your dreams or you can fulfill them on your on, but the freedom from tensions, egg shells, distrust, resentments is so liberating. Love our kids and yourself enough to move on.
I kind of went through something similar but I worked outside of my home as well. My x is a Cheater a liar and a poser. If he is not with you physically ??? Have you thought he is cheating take a close look. Step up and take control don’t settle for seconds. If he wants to come back to the relationship in time then you have a few options. If he doesn’t want to fix it then it is what it is. Love yourself enough to walk away. 
if you are unhappy and miserable and he isnt willing to do anything to work on the marriage then it is time to move on. I begged my ex for a year to go to counseling etc and he said he would but never followed thru I worked a fulltime job and he worked well when he wanted to I paid the bills took care of the house etc while he went fishing and laid on the couch watching tv. I finally said enough and moved out then served him divorce papers that is when he went to counseling and tried to get me back but I told him that it was to little to late. I have been divorced for 4 years now and I am so much happier and so are my kids. I have 3 sons from a previous relationship and a daughter with him and I have to say it was the best descion I ever made yes it was hard but my daughter is better off and he still hasnt changed fishing is more important to him and always will be
He works, you are a stay at home mom but you pay the bills? You said bio dad is a dead beat doesn’t make sense, and you’re fallen at the table see a nude women on his phone and say nothing? Just doesn’t add up
My advice to you is love yourself and let wisdom do the rest.
Leave you don’t need him you and the kids need happiness
U have decision’s to make if you have family to stay with and it’s ok to go then go get a lawyer.thru.legal aid and get.on with things this.husband of yours isint.going.to change.he sounds like he.plain dont care so move on my dear good luck
He is no longer into you and knows those kids are not his “baggage” and he is getting ready to leave you. Get yourself ready for the split and find a job etc for your kids. He has not legally adopted your kids so it is all on you, make wiser choices when it comes to a man in yours and your kid’s lives. I think your relationship is at a dead end with no turn around for sure. I’m sorry you have to go through this, but remember these are all your choices , you can only change you not anyone else. Good luck.
I would have grabbed that phone and slapped the shit out of him !
That’s not a marriage that’s a roommate, if he always on his phone watch other women and not wanting you let him go and plus he don’t want to go to counseling nope you deserve better
My mother used to tell me when I would whine about my crappy marriage that only I had the power to make things better or make the decision to move on. It’s hard being a single mom but oh so satisfying. I’ve lived life with a mate and without. I’ve picked up my children and left with nothing more than the clothes on our back because I wasn’t going to be someone’s punching bag. I’ve had to figure out how to feed my children when their crack addicted father cleaned out the bank account. I’m not afraid and neither should you be. Get an exit plan started. You don’t have to tell him anything. An affair is an affair whether it’s physical or emotional. You want to get naughty, invest in a battery operated boyfriend. Stop begging for attention. You tried to arrange counseling, he’s not interested. Your children and you deserve to be happy. Believe me, your kids might not know exact details, but they do know something is wrong. Is this the example of a stable, loving relationship? Your daughter will lack self esteem and think she doesn’t deserve any better. Your son will treat women like shit. Make a plan. Keep it to yourself. Get on with your and your children’s lives.
The picture sounds like an online p*** site. Mine did the same thing he started on the p******** then went to the dating sites and was talking to girls online trying to meet up with them locally. I don’t really have any advice for you because I don’t listen to my own advice obviously and stayed with him and every time we fight and every time he’s on that phone I think that he’s cheating or looking at p*** it’s terrible to live like this but at the same time I love him so I can’t really give advice but I’m sure it was online corn because most women wouldn’t send pictures like that
His actions seem to say he doesn’t feel the same anymore. It sucks but you can’t make someone feel something if it’s gone. Get yourself stable and ready for a break up. You will be ok…it will be sad for awhile and then you will get used to life without him and be ok. Chin up for your kids hon.
It kinda sounds like he’s cheating and his family knows but don’t know how to tell you.
Jumping from relationship to relationship is your choice, but your kids see it. You could be depressed, and spinning around and around. Take yourself to counseling. You have no control over anyone, trust me I know. But a counselor will help organize your mess…
Your marriage is over move on, if it comes to you needing to beg for anything you lost yourself. LEAVE
Boot him to the door he’s cheating and obviously doesn’t want to work things out!
He already has one foot out the door. Tell him “don’t’ let the door hit you on the way out”. You deserve better
Walk away you deserve much more
I pray you have money put aside cause he could be planning his getaway and it sounds like you have no support team.
I was in your position at one point in my life. Worry about you mental health. Because it will break your spirit if you let it.
Get your plan’s together. Job, putting some money away. And leave. Their is no point in fighting for a relationship someone else doesn’t want and wasting time, even years! He is stonewalling and possibly cheating!
You could confront him. But this would be if you wanted to stay.
As someone who has been cheated on yrs ago. Keep looking and you will find it. And if you do find out he is what are going to do? You will be far more hurt and heartbroken. Because if it bothered him he wouldn’t do it!
Will it stop? Could you ever Trust him again? Would he even admit it?
Those are issues you have to decide. Ppl can only give their advice.
Why be in relationship by yourself and lonely?
When their some many other ppl who can give you what you want and deserve!
Ok I think you should start preparing yourself to get ready for a divorce because that’s what’s coming next save money get a job fine friends don’t worry god is good
It’s easy to say leave him,but hard when you love him… if he don’t want to work on y’all you work on you… go get counseling get a part time job make some friends… let it work it self out, or either realize it’s time to move on
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First of all, please know that the way he is treating you and allowing his family to treat you is not okay. Even when people do not feel like they are still in love at that point in the relationship, they should still be respectful to their spouse. I agree with others who say you seem to be showing signs of depression and I strongly recommend that you find a counselor that you can talk to.
Now that being said, if you do indeed want to work on the relationship, there is a book called the love dare and a movie called fireproof. They are considered “religious” in some ways but you can still implement the ideas even if you don’t believe in any “higher power” at all.
My suggestion is to watch the movie Fireproof first. The husband is ready to leave his marriage and confides his unhappiness in his dad. The dad suggests he wait 40 days and follow the plan in the Love Dare before making any final decisions. It starts off on the first day by instructing him not to say anything negative toward his wife, then each day is another task, such as help her with a chore or so something nice and unexpected for her, or things like that. Of course, as expected, the movie ends with the couple being stronger than ever. But the movie was based off the actual ability of the book to create stronger relationships. Counselors today often recommend following this book to help strengthen marriages. The best part about this book is that it can be done by just one person in the couple if the other one doesn’t seem to want to make an effort or stay in the relationship.
I think he took in a lot of responsibility he wasn’t ready for, for some guys it’s just fine, but others want the time alone before kids and you are talking 3 kids, yes he is being an idiot cause he knew what he was getting in to but, it’s to much now, so he is out there with his frustration, I would leave, it’s not worth it, he should at least try to be a role model for your other kids if he cannot be the father they need.
Fuck him off … end of 
Soo familiar…I thought on mine like this , my divorce that is …I did ALL already , living like a single mom and if I’ma live life as a single mom I should be single that said it was not easier but better no man than a nogood man … sorry not sorry
Time to leave his ass
Sounds like he wants out and even his family supports him.
If he’s become that distant and you’re seeing ladies downstairs bits on his phone chances are it’s over in his eyes anyway. You can’t keep somebody who doesn’t want to be there. He may still love you but his actions say otherwise
I think its time to call it quits. Your not happy and he doesnt seem to be either… if he isn’t willing to go to marriage counseling I would think about divorce. Do you think he could be depressed?
it’s time to get a job & leave
It’s times to leave him
Play his game. He doesn’t give attention, so you don’t. He doesn’t act like he cares, so you don’t. He doesn’t clean or cook for you, so u don’t for him. He doesn’t communicate, then u stop also. He will see and if he doesnt, move on. 4 years is a short time in the grand scheme of marriage being for life
I think you’ve done all you can do. Probably time to move on hun.
Maybe it’s time to end things. He obviously doesn’t want to put in the effort anymore. It sounds like it’s already over for him.
If he is sitting next to you, looking at other ladies naked. I’m sorry, I’d draw the line. I’d be done
End it now there is more to life than this??? Happiness is out there!!!
From what I’ve heard. He’s just about done. He’s just not ready to tell you yet. the writings all over the wall.
The writing is on the wall… Know your worth. Move on.
It doesn’t sound like he’s interested in saving the relationship or he just thinks you’re going to continue dealing with it. You’re the only one trying and it takes 50/50 for it to work.
If you have already tried to work things out and fix things and he still hasn’t met you half way then he’s not putting any effort then he’s already made he’s choice. It sounds like he already wants to leave the relationship and he’s just sucking around for the kids or waiting for you to break up with him so he doesn’t have to.
Find some where the kids and you can stay for a couple of weeks. Tell him you want some space. See how he acts then if still no effort from him to fix things then I would leave him.
Get your own counceler, for you!
It sounds pretty dead on his end unfortunately. It takes 2 to make it work and if he isn’t willing to do his part then it’s time to move on before any more of your life is wasted in a dead marriage. Take your babies and find happiness for yourself and them.
Start excersing, get dressed up fit to kill every morning even if you don’t go anymore, get hobbies and start getting girl friends. Start ignoring him and act like his attitude doesn’t matter to you. While you improve yourself watch him come running back, but do not just cave when he looks your way. Make him chase you and you will feel better for putting time back into yourself.
The whole thing with him separating you from his family sounds like a red flag. Seems intentional not because “they didn’t want you there” or maybe they didn’t, maybe he’s telling them crazy shit.
Seems to me like he’s already done.
Go back to work. You’ll be amazed at how much better things get. Get your own life away from him.
I think you already know it’s over but you’re not wanting it to be real. The fact that you’ve had to ask and beg him for some intimacy is a red flag because men don’t usually need you to ask more than once. He may be cheating and he may not but it’s obvious that the feelings and passion are gone. I would suggest leaving him. You don’t have to get divorced right away but tell him you’re unhappy and you can’t live like this. Sometimes men need a wake up call and you leaving will show you how he really feels about you. If he doesn’t come after you he definitely doesn’t care but even if he does make sure he’s being serious on working things out. Good luck!
Been through something like that
Read Alison Armstrong’s ebook The Queens Code, John Grays Book Venus on Fire mars on ice. That’s a good starting point. Alison has wonderful courses on her site www.understandmen.com
And you can always go to counseling on your own to improve your life. Change always begin with you.
Welp if his family doesn’t like you it was destined to fail. Also if he is looking at other women time to move on. Also he’s probably stressed out with you constantly seeming like you depend on him for conversation. Do you not have friends? Do y’all not go do stuff together? Like sounds like a boring family life. Also sounds like a lot of nagging for attention. 
guys don’t like that. But not all men. So maybe y’all just aren’t compatible. Good luck . But I’d leave cuz his emotional alienation is going to destroy you. And you do not deserve that. If he doesn’t want to talk about it just make a plan and tell him this is how it will be since you can’t talk to me I went ahead and decided this is what I want.
Unfortunately If he won’t go to counseling u can’t make him
He’s just not that into you it’s time to go separate ways. It’s life and it happens. It sucks yes, but move on.
I know you don’t want to hear this.
But…it’s time to go.
Get your ducks in a row.
File for divorce.
That might make him look up.
But I wouldn’t count on it.
Yes it will be HARD.
With 4 kids.
But women do it all day every day.
Once you get your own place you will be MUCH HAPPIER.
A better mom.
Your kids want a happy mom.
You have a RIGHT TO BE HAPPY.
And it is a crazy those but there might be a Real Man out there who would LOVE to come home to Happy you and four kids.
A man who WANTS to be your husband.
Hug you.
Kiss you.
Talk about your days.
Cook together.
Do things as a family.
IT IS POSSIBLE.
So…think about ok ?
You DESERVE SO MUCH MORE.
You’ve wasted 4 years.
Please don’t waste 10. 20. 30.
Ok ?
It takes two people to make a marriage work. I learned a long time ago that I couldn’t love enough for both of us. At some point you have to take a step back and decide if you want to continue if he’s not even willing to meet you in the middle to work out the issues. Sorry you’re going through this. My mind tends to think that there may be someone else (at least online) that has his attention.
I say get a job , things will get better … make friends
And once a week or month have a date night
If he isn’t willing to go to counseling, talk to you, tell you what’s wrong or work it out himself then you can stay with things as they are and hope he will change. Or you can tell him you are going to leave bc obviously he doesn’t want you to be there. IF you say you are going to leave and he doesn’t change then LEAVE. If not you are telling him your ok being treated this way. Good Luck
Run him home to his Mon you be better off
This is all too common nowadays… The woman blaming the man cause she feels alone… Don’t be a stay at home mom and then complain you’re lonely… Get a job… Share the childcare… Simple!! Don’t sit at home being ‘just mom’ because THAT is how he is going to see you!! Get a job, meet new people and get a life of your own so that WHEN this relationship does end, you’ll have a job to get up for, friends to speak to… You have kids… Do it for them… They will pick up on you being miserable all the time and think its normal.
I don’t get how you can say ‘he works but I pay the bills’… You’re not paying the bills of he’s the one working!
Do yourself a favour and move on… If you are literally begging him for attention and still not getting it, save yourself some dignity and walk away!