My husband and I are having different opinions about having “stay-in” guests in our house. He is really okay with people staying in our house as much and as long as they want. I mean, I’m okay with people staying in our house for a couple of days, but having them like for weeks and then another comes after another, that’s a different story. He even said that he plans to build extra room for the guests in the future, I told him, “No, I really value our privacy as a family,” and he said, “that is why I’ll build extra room so that they’ll have their own space and not bother us that much”. I did object, and at the end of our argument, I ended up the bad guy, he said that I am selfish and that because I hadn’t experienced living in other people’s houses like them when they were little. I don’t know what to say to him anymore. Am I really selfish? Is the problem is with me, my attitude?
Depends who these guest are
Depends really. What type of guests is he consistently housing?
It is a little selfish in my opinion. I agree with your man. You were raised with the privilege of not having to stay with other people most likely.
I think it depends on who and what the situation is. Now if it’s family staying to help you with a new baby then you should be grateful, if it’s somebody down on hard times and they’re staying to get back on their feet you should be supportive but if it’s just people staying over to stay over then I think you have a right to put your foot down about how long they are there for.
Sounds like he wants “tenants” but them not paying their way…
Nope no thank you
It aint seflish to want a private home for you and your family.
Ummm your in the right hunny, I had a coworker move in to help her out, and it literally bit me in the ass. Stick to your guns!
Nope, I could never have people staying in my house. Even my mother would start to annoy me soon enough lol.
Uhm no. My family had to stay with family and all of that nonsense, but no. I value my home and my privacy and I can not stand to have any long term guests especially back to back to back. Luckily my husband is the same way.
I don’t think you are selfish, I couldn’t stand having guest all the time. Families need privacy.
We’ve had people stay with us that wouldn’t leave, or leave us high and dry. We’ve been burned by family and friends when allowing them to stay longer than a certain time. And I myself like to walk around freely, when my kids are down. We like our privacy. But once you have a family it’s mainly about what’s best for yours… your not a kid anymore, you don’t know what they are bringing with them. I mean we have gave our chances with people, but at our time now, we refuse to let others harm us.
Are kids involved on either side? If so, then you are definitely not wrong for your feelings and opinions. Do you have children together? If so, then your husband is crossing so many boundaries and not respecting you AND your children. If your husband is allowing children to come stay, expecially if they are bad… Thats a big no for me! I LOVE AND ADORE respectable children but I would not allow brats and their parents to come stay with me for free weeks at a time…
I don’t think you’re in the wrong for wanting privacy. I wouldn’t want a bunch of people staying with me either. You have to think of your family not all these other people he wants to home. Also to go out of his way to make extra room for them so they dont bother you? Then what the hell is the point of them staying with you? So they can mooch off you if it’s not family? Sorry but you’re no where in the wrong for this, I would put my foot down and say No!
No.
You are NOT selfish.
Just a difference of what you want. Need. Like.
I have friends who never want to be alone. Always wanting people w them. Staying. Forever.
Me.
I like my family.
I LOVE ALONE TIME.
I have a hard time allowing people I love to come over.
Friends try to invite me over all the tine.
9 times out of 10 I say no.
I also say no to them visiting me.
I work 2 jobs.
Want to come home.
Crash.
You two are different.
Might want to get out now.
He’s told you how he feels. He won’t be changing.
I see no problem with Guest house. You will be the one deciding who the guests are.
We have people in and out a lot, as we recently moved out of state. I’m telling you… I cannot take it for longer than a week at a time (unless of course it would happen to be one of my woman friends! lol!). It is fkn stressful, especially if there are additional small children in the house. We have a separate “living room” and guest bedroom that they stay in, but it is still insane. I agree with you 100%. Try talking calmly with him about it. Let him know how truly stressful it is for you, but that you’ll work on making it work if he can slow the roll a little.
No it’s ur house tell em to get their own
Tell him to move in with them , while you find a different place. It is not wise to have another person or family stay with you. It always ends in drama
In my experience having “guests” that stay longer than a week can really ruin a relationship. If he wants to “rent” a residency that you don’t reside in and be a landlord he can buy a bungalow or something.
Sounds like it’s not a matter of selfishness, but of different upbringings. My kids grew up with one or another of my hardluck brothers living on my couch for most of their childhoods. They will grow up like your husband feeling that long term guests are normal. Whereas it sounds like you grew up where long term guests were not normal. You guys have to be able to communicate and compromise through this. Because I am sure it is not the only culture clash you will have in your marriage.
I had a friend like this. She would always invite ppl to stay and never consider her teenage child. Why does he feel the need to take in strays ?
Personally, i think if this is all you have to worry about right now, you should get over yourself.
I couldn’t stand this. I love my own space. I also have trust issues
As a kid who grew up in that situation Id say don’t allow it, it is not healthy for the family, may seem like a good gesture but itll erode your relationship. I dont know the circumstances but at all possible, try and end it.
No you are not selfish I wouldn’t want people at my house for a long time you don’t run a hotel service you have your own home for you and your family not other family members who don’t want a place of their own
Random people? Or family? I hope not just any random person. U dont know who people are they could be psycho or something crazy steal from you etc. Stand your ground!
I wouldnt want people staying with us for 2 or 3 months at a time (depending on the person) but I know it will happen in the future with certain family members. Luckily for me I live in a split level and on the lower level there are 2 unused bedrooms and the kids toy room/bonus family room and a bathroom, we have already had guests and I just make it very clear…you are not obligated to hang out with us, ur welcome to watch tv in ur room or downstairs, ur welcome to be upstairs with us, but no obligations. I say that because I know what it’s like to be a guest in someones house and want to just lay down in my bed and watch dumb videos on my phone but feel guilty for not spending time with my hosts. So as a host I make it known…i ain’t a host. Do w.e u want, I’ll run it by u when I’m gonna do something but no obligation to do it with us. That’s always been my solution
Absolutely not! Tell him he’s insane. If he wants to live in a great house go back to college.
no. I like my space, my privacy, and my time. Sometimes it’s all I can wrap my mind around to come home, eat whatever and fall into bed. I’m not in the habit or the mindset to entertain guests who weren’t invited.
Sounds like he should invest in a little bed and breakfast lol. Seriously though, I’m the same way. Our house is our house. I’m not really a people person anyway. I like my space. Home is my sanctuary, so to speak. A week or so, like visits from outta town and such, eh, whatever, but not weeks on end. I just can’t. If I wanted to be around a ton of people, I’d live in a hotel.🤷 lol
Uh no that is not selfish. If my husband says some shit like that, he can stay in the house w his guests and I’ll leave. End of story.
It is okay for a couple days if they are visiting from out of state but not to stay indefinitely. I had family live with us that were moving from another state and after 2 weeks I was done. I was like why didn’t you have a place to live before you tried to move here and they had 4 kids.
For me personally my house is open to all family and friends. Whenever they want or need. But thats me, I don’t necessarily think it makes you selfish just maybe more of liking your routine and your space
I’ve expected with alot in household…forget it way to much and stressful lol you have right to said this it’s your house too
I can relate to your husband as far as living w multiple family members and people growing up, so I get family should be there to help, but sometimes people take advantage of that. I couch surfed in my early 20s because I drank a lot, but I realize now how stupid and inconsiderate I was. I don’t mind helping family, but get your shit together and go. I would feel so weird if we were down on our luck to stay past our welcome. I like to make sure my son is in a safe environment with his own room and not have to cater to someone else’s feelings. I like my son knowing his family, that’s why we visit. We don’t live with people or vice versa to feel comforted. I have a family member like that and I don’t know how they do it. Always living with someone and you think they would want to come and go as they please, but they overstay their welcome and have to check in now. Fuck that.
I don’t think it’s selfish. But the way you approached it may of been. I can’t imagine arguing over this. Difference of opinion maybe yeah but arguing?
I can see both sides…
Listen, I get pissed when my husband wants to give someone a room overnight, because then I have to clean extra before, and clean up and do laundry after. Meanwhile, he just goes to work and sometimes won’t even show up to entertain them. But then has the nerve to ask why I get so pissy about people staying. 
More importantly though…
Who are these guests that have no jobs or obligations that can stay at your place for months at a time?? I’ve never heard of this.
Lol I grew up in a huge family. We dont even knock on the door. We just go in and say hello and head to the fridge. Sometimes when we wake up there will be 15 cousins deep in the living room. Lol I am okay with that. My hubby had issues at first. He has one brother and one sister aged way apart. His family members can be counted on both hands. With three fingers left. Now he fits right in. And asks about everyone.
No. I like my privacy a lot and couldn’t deal with it.
Maybe he has some type of game going on you don’t see or has plans for. I certainly wouldn’t want people staying for weeks and another bunch moves in. I’d want my privacy, relaxation and do whatever I want. Not playing host to people I didn’t invite.
Sounds like the hotel is over booked It may be time to think about checking out
Let him clean, do laundry , cook etc for them…
Your right and he is wrong
“Fish and visitors stink after three days” Benjamin Franklin.
I mean 2-3 days max unless from out of country!! I value my family, home and privacy.
No dint fall for that scheme
Start walking around naked 
Difference between a more introverted personality and an extroverted personality. He is energized by being around people. It exhausts you. He really doesn’t understand the emotional toll it takes on you, because it makes him feel so good. My husband is a pastor and when we go on “retreats” or conferences, we come back and he is excited and chomping at the bit. I need to sleep for a week to recover from all of the peopling I had to do.
Tell him to build a granny flat, you all get your own privacy
I agree short stays only
I guess I’m like ur husband 
. I love when family come over for the holidays. If we had people here all December long I wouldn’t mind but I know he would sooooooooooo, we compromise
Lol y’all are really nice people. I don’t let anyone even come over to my house
Nope my husband and I don’t like people. There are exceptions for family visiting (I’m from USA we live on an island) or dire circumstances for possibly close friends or family… other than that it’s a big NOPE
Why do you have so many overnight guests? Do you live in Hawaii?
Find a compromise. Opening your home to those in need is wonderful, if you can. But there comes a point that it’s too much. You and your husband need to reach a compromise.
If this is about family coming for a visit and overstaying their welcome, that’s a different story. I draw the line there.
Is it family or friends ? And are they coming for a holiday or are they just sponging off you for free accommodation?
We’ve had to stay with people and we gave them their privacy while we stayed in our room, we had to pay half the rent which wasn’t much. Look at it like you’re helping someone who’s in a unfortunate situation.
You both need to find a way to meet in the middle. I’m like you. All of our family knows their visits can’t extend past 2wks,even 1wk is a lot for me. One time my mother in law booked her plane ticket for her visit and didn’t run the length of her stay by either of us. She stayed for 3wks!!! 
I legit had a panic attack about it,my husband didn’t really care,he’s indifferent. After that it never happened again thankfully. My home is my sanctuary and place where I recharge. Find a way to talk about it and come to an agreement that works for you both.
I don’t mind a couple of days but then I’m burned out b/c of the pressure to be a good host. I don’t think it’s selfish to value your privacy as a family! A couple of days is fine but to have “stay-in guests” ?? It’s definitely a difference of opinions and hopefully you both will find a happy compromise!
I think a bunkhouse or granny flat would be a great conpromise if its building anyway. That gives more privacy for you but they are still right there to visit for him, and its a way to open your “home” up.
no trust me u give ppl an inch they take a mile i swear everyone who comes to stay at my house take advantage of it and stays longer then they should
Short stays only and no you are not being selfish if I were in your shoes I would do the exact same thing
We need more information. Like why are all these people coming for extended rotating stays?
No your not privacy is privacy.
You are absolutely right.
Something is definitely wrong with him!!!
No you are right and he is wrong
After living with people, I NEVER want to have people live with me or have to live with people ever again.
I dont trust people around my children so im on your side here. No guest, not long stays. He needs to respect you and your children need their privacy. If he wants company go to a friends house lol
Yeah that’s weird. I wouldn’t want anyone staying at my house more than 2 days max. I didn’t even have anyone stay overnight with me when having my son except my sister. My husband is the same and we are not a fan of others being here overnight. They can stay all day long but at night they can gladly go on home.
No , stick to your mind. You are being very reasonable
Women usually have more work to do when you have guests. Men not so much.
I believe that your husband is the one with the problem. Do any of these so called guest’s compensate either of you for the time that they’ve stayed at your home? If that’s the way he wants to live, then perhaps he should consider owning a Bed and Breakfast!
You don’t have guest’s, you have a revolving door.
Are these “Guests” family or friends? If not, then hell no I don’t want them in my house. Julie Romero, you took the words right from my mouth. A B&B would be a perfect idea and an extra income.
The more the merrier, but I’m a giver.
Your house shouldn’t be a revolving door for anyone who pleases for as long as they please. That’s crazy and would drive me insane. How old are you guys? If you are in your like early 20s I guess it kinda makes more sense. Even still who are these guests? And why are they staying so long? I for sure was a lot more carefree in my 20s and Irresponsible and stupid lmao but now I’m 36, married with a toddler and a baby on the way and I couldn’t handle constant guests if I wanted to lmao. My sister used to live out of state and she would stay at my other sister’s house, who lives in the same town as me and has a spare bedroom and whenever she would visit with her husband and kids they would stay at my sister’s like no problem. But not like for weeks and months. Like for a few days here and there whenever they’d come up. So like that I understand and of course holidays get crazy with lots of family sometimes. But constantly having people in my house would stress me out. I would not be cool with that. There’s also a difference in like helping out a friend or family temporarily if they need a place to stay to get back on their feet or whatever. That’s understandable. But like a revolving door of constant overnight visitors? No. Like is this college?
Sounds more like a hostel than a home
Nope your not selfish house guests can cause problems. Your home is your oasis from the crazy world and I definitely get wanting privacy. I Personally dont like guests for more than 3 days anything over that I get very annoyed.
Is it just over Christmas? Does this happen all the time or once a year? If it was once a year I would tolerate it but not all the time. It’s exhausting always having people in your space and you do deserve some privacy
What’s more concerning is his total disregard for your feelings.
I have let people stay with me before in deperate situations and i would absolutely do it again but it can get really tense really fast. My sister, her bf, and their 2 young children lived with my husband and i for 3 months in a 750 sq foot apartment because they had nowhere else to go at the time there was absolutely no privacy and it caused issues between my hubby and i but i wasnt gonna let them live in their car. My sister in law lived with us for a couple months because shes very irresponsible with money and with us if she paid rent a little late it wasnt a big deal but then i got pregnant and she had to move into her own place, but me and her had a lot of issues in that couple of months. Now my little sister is staying with me while she finishes her semester in college then shes moving to her new house about an hour and a half away and i love having her here, she helps with my son way more than my husband does. I guess my point is it really depends on the situation and what you’re comfortable with but i totally understand your desire for privacy and your own space
Hell no… after 2 weeks in California they have a legal right to stay until you evict them.
He better listen to you. Does he ever want to be happy again?
Yeah, I agree with you. 5 days max and then move on. And that’s only for family and friends…if your just my spouses friend oops sorry. There is a motel and a free campground down the street.
I’d be more worried about people snooping and stealing. It would be fine if it was holidays and family you could trust stayed with you but no I agree with you.
I love having guests and family but a week is about my limit. Mine is great because they pitch in with cooking, cleaning and keeping up with all the kids.
But we are all raised different, we all have different comfort levels and all the best that needs to be discussed. I’d say a little compromise now needs to happen on both sides.
I mean extra space is always nice but limits need to be set to.
Nope like peace to much don’t like drama
Take it from someone who has spent more time with my husbands extended family living with us than not since becoming married, you’re going to hate this. We’ve been married 6 years, 4 years of it we’ve had someone from his family living with us and while i like helping them out, my house does not feel like my home. I can’t truly relax and its very stressful. It doesn’t really matter how nice they are when you really just want to focus on raising your family and the ‘extras’ are always there.
Yes a little selfish
I agree with you… believe me it will destroy your marriage.
As someone who has been on the streets a bed for a night is a blessing.
Anything more than a few days and they help out with the chores and bills
Charge rent if the stay longer than a week. If they are gonna eat your food, use your electricity, and stay in your home then they can pay ret. It’s not considered a visit if they are there longer than a week.
I mean are yall going to be making money? If not then constant guests is extreme to me. Building an extra room for just guests to stay for weeks and constantly having people around is too much just to do. Both my fiance and i agree on that.
No i dont think so, but u husband likes company so if hes willing to pay for him just let him, he ll get tierd of it.
Not at all. You have the right to feel comfortable in your own home.
Who are these ppl staying? Are they family or just random ppl?
If it’s family then yes your being selfish but random friends then you have a point
I don’t mind family staying a few days but I honestly couldn’t have anyone stay longer. My home is mine & my children’s, whenever people stay over it’s just chaos & I couldn’t be bothered with that every day! X